CHAPTER NINE

Bella

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

― Friedrich Nietzsche

I didn't do well with tight spaces. Maybe it was a residual fear from being buried alive, but the moment the hatch was closed on the submarine, I felt my heartbeat nearly double.

It was only Edward's hand wrapped around mine that kept me from completely panicking.

"Right, follow me," the captain said, motioning toward us. She led us down a narrow corridor with a grated floor that I had to walk on carefully so as not to get my heels stuck. We came to a second ladder which she gestured for us to climb down. Taking a deep breath, I hooked my feet onto the rungs and slowly descended.

She had been right; it was stupid as hell to be wearing stilettos on a submarine.

I climbed down into a surprisingly large space where computers and navigation equipment lined the walls, as well as being occupied by a full crew operating every station. They all looked at me as I righted myself off the ladder and I swallowed thickly.

Edward climbed down quickly after me, and I stepped out of his way. The moment his feet were on the floor, he reached for me, his arm going around my waist as he warily took in the room. Even through our thick coats, the feel of his touch was anchoring for me.

The captain climbed down to the deck beside us and cleared her throat. "Right," she said, looking around the room. "Mr. White, if you will." She motioned to a short man with a thick blond beard standing a few feet from us. He nodded before calling out orders to the crew.

The captain turned toward us. "I'll show you to your quarters where you'll find some decent clothes," she told me.

"We have questions," Edward said, his voice hard.

"I'm sure you do." The captain laughed. "And they shall be answered once you are both reasonably prepared to be aboard my ship."

With that, she spun and started toward a door across the room. Edward glanced at me, a scowl on his face before he tugged me after her.

"Do you think we're safe?" I whispered to him as we trailed behind the captain.

"No less safe than anywhere else," he said with a small shrug.

I sighed. Would I ever feel truly safe again?

The captain led us down a flight of stairs to another narrow passageway. "Mess hall is there," she said, gesturing in the opposite direction from where we were walking. "Crew's quarters are here." She tapped a door as we passed it. "Mr. Whitlock has instructed that you should occupy his quarters while on board."

"Where are we headed?" I asked.

"Mr. Whitlock has advised us to wait for your heading," she said, stopping before the last door in the hallway. "Until you are able to provide that, we are instructed to dive and retreat."

Edward nodded. "Thank you, Captain Stevens."

The captain tilted her head toward us. "I'll be on the bridge when you are ready."

With that, she spun on her heel and stalked away, leaving Edward and me standing there. I took a breath and pushed open the door to our room, exhaling deeply when I took in the interior. I wasn't sure what to expect from a submarine, but somewhere in the back of my mind I feared a grey, prison-like cell.

To my surprise, the room looked like it had been lifted from any high-end luxurious home. A large king sized bed with a dark mahogany headboard took up the majority of the space, though with its large fluffy white sheets and pillows it looked more inviting than domineering.

Across from the bed was a built-in dresser, inlaid with pearls and abalone. Nearest us at the door sat two plush seats and a small coffee table, also glittering with shells and precious stones.

There were no windows, but on the walls I counted no less than three paintings that looked suspiciously like Degas.

There were two other doors in the room, and Edward strode to the first one, revealing a surprisingly spacious bathroom. The second was a closet where he pulled out a pair of boots and held them up toward me.

I nodded and entered the room, sitting in one of the arm chairs as Edward fished around for socks in the dresser.

"I didn't know submarines could be so …" My voice faltered as I looked around the cabin. "Homey," I decided. Despite the clear wealth on display, the room had a coziness that was often lacking in Sixteen spaces. At least, the spaces I'd seen thus far.

Edward nodded as he stepped in front of me, dropping to his knees. "I know," he agreed. "I might have to consider buying one for myself."

I rolled my eyes in amusement.

"What are you doing?" I asked, watching as Edward reached for one of my legs. He gently took hold of my calf and brought it up, slipping off my shoe as his eyes flickered toward mine.

"Getting you into something halfway decent," he said, shaking his head. His fingers pressed gently against the arch of my foot and I bit back a moan. I'd never had a foot massage before. I'd never even thought about it, but Edward's strong hands applying just the right amount of pressure was doing something to me.

"Edward," I breathed, my voice on the edge of rasping. "I …" What was there to say? In the last few weeks, Edward had shown a different side of himself. He had proven to be loyal and compassionate and surprisingly tender. None of the things I thought he could be when I'd known him in school.

What was more, I was becoming aware of just how deep his feelings for me ran, and perhaps how deep my feelings were in return.

I just hadn't had time to sort it all out in my head yet.

"Are you warm enough in these pants?" Edward asked, his hand slipping up my trouser leg to squeeze my calf. I nearly descended on him as pleasure passed through my body. Why was that such a turn-on?

"Yeah," I croaked. "I mean, I'll be fine."

Edward scowled and put down my leg, much to my sorrow, before he picked up my other foot. He slipped my shoe off, gently massaged my foot for a minute before he let me go and stood up. "Fine isn't good enough," he said firmly.

I watched him cross back to the dresser and pull it open. I wondered what he could possibly be looking for until he produced two pairs of pants. One looked to be like long underwear, the other pair were dark and thicker than the slacks I had on now.

"Stand up," he said gently.

"I can dress myself," I argued, rising to my feet and unzipping the large downy coat I was wearing.

"Good to know," Edward murmured. "I would have hated to find you less capable than I've been giving you credit for," he teased. I huffed a laugh and Edward grinned, setting the clothes on the table beside us. "May I dress you, Bella?"

I couldn't decide if this was some weird power play, or if he genuinely wanted to do this. My gaze flickered up to his face, searching for clues. He looked hopeful, possibly even a touch shy, and I let out a breath, releasing with it my anxiety.

"Yes," I whispered.

Edward's hands moved to my hips, gently rubbing along the waistband of my slacks as his eyes met mine. "Did you know," he said softly. "When I was a kid, I didn't believe fear was real?"

My eyes widened and half a smirk floated across his face as he slipped the coat off my shoulders.

"It's true," he said, his hands moving back down to my waist and gently unfastening the button of my slacks. "I'd never known fear, not really. I was an only child, my future was secure, and the world literally bent around me to accommodate my every need." He shrugged as his fingers gently teased down the zipper.

I was nearly vibrating under his simple touches. Something was happening to me, something too powerful to name.

"The first time I ever knew fear was that night you and Alice went to the vaults." He shook his head and I saw him wince at the memory. "I loathed myself for putting you in that position." His hands tugged at my slacks and they began sliding down my hips, cascading like water over my flushed skin. "I didn't even know what the feeling was called, and that made me all the angrier." He barked out a humorless laugh. "I was a mess."

Silently, I recalled that day, the look on his face, the harshness of his words. Could they really have been about his own fear and not directed at me as I had thought in the past?

Edward's thumb caressed my thigh and I sucked in a sharp breath. "Lift your leg," he directed, kneeling down again. Wordlessly, I stepped out of my trousers, shivering when the cold air touched my skin.

Edward reached for the pair of long underwear, gently arranging them until they were easy to step into. He picked up one of my ankles, guiding my foot through the pant leg before working on the other. Once they were around my ankles, Edward took hold of the elastic waistband and dragged the garment up my legs, sending shivers in his wake. "Since I've known you, I've learned what it's like to be afraid," Edward said, his eyes downcast and focused as he maneuvered the pants over my backside and secured them on my hips.

"Are you saying I've made you weak?" There was no anger or malice in my voice, simply questioning.

His gaze flashed to my face and he let out a breath. "No, Bella. I never knew fear because I never had something that meant anything to me. I wasn't afraid because I didn't have anything to lose." His hand came up, briefly touching my cheek before he stepped back and reached for the second pair of trousers. He bent down and helped me into them again, gliding them up my legs. He lifted the zipper and finished off the waistband button before his eyes met mine once more. "It's easy not to fear when you don't know how to love."

The breath rushed out of me. There it was—the topic we'd been dancing around and carefully avoiding. It was the wind against the tower of cards that we were building around ourselves.

"Bella, we could die at any moment, or worse," he said, his voice hard as I was sure countless horrors flashed behind his eyes. He knew just how depraved the Sixteen could be, how heartless and ruthless their punishments could delve. I was suddenly grateful for my ignorance. "I cannot keep going as if you aren't the single most important thing that has happened in my life." He let out a short breath and shook his head once. "I love you. I didn't know what love was before I met you. I certainly didn't think of myself as capable of love, but you have gone and proven me wrong, just as you have been doing since we met." His hands captured mine and he brought my knuckles up to his lips, pressing a kiss to them. "I love your boldness and intelligence, how you regularly prove to me that you are in fact the smartest person in the room. I love your kindness and empathy, two more things I thought weren't real until you showed them to me." He stopped and shook his head. "Bella, I love every single part of you—the good, the bad, the insufferable." He flashed me a small smile before continuing. "You don't have to tell me the words back, but I need you to know. We might have been thrown together out of desperation and convenience, but my feelings are genuine. You're it for me, Bella Swan. I'm never going to love anyone like I love you."

I could feel fat tears welling in my eyes as a myriad of emotions ran through me. Some part of me was screaming too much! While another part of me was swooning over his declaration.

I sucked in a deep breath and shook my head, my eyes dropping to the center of his chest. "I'm not as brave as you might think," I said, my voice weak. "I have a hard time trusting, and that's only gotten worse the older I get." My hands were still in his and Edward gently squeezed my fingers, making me look up at him. "But if there is one thing in this world I can believe in, one thing that I can put my faith into, it's you."

Edward's eyes widened in surprise at this and I sucked in another breath. "You never fail me, Edward. Even when we are captured or drugged or forced into horrible situations, you are always there, by my side. I've never trusted anyone like I trust you." It was the truth. Not even my mother could be as relied upon as I'd come to depend on Edward. "And if I can trust you with my life, I suppose it makes sense that I've trusted you with my heart too." The next words caught in my throat, too big to say aloud. I wasn't as brave as Edward gave me credit for.

Edward saw my hesitation, and like he'd been doing for a long time now, he took care of me, gently leaning in to silence me with a kiss. "I know," he murmured against my lips. "It's okay."

I felt my resolve harden. If he could make himself this vulnerable, then so could I. He deserved that.

My fingers let go of his and traveled up his wrists, over his arms and up to his shoulders.

My fingertips brushed along the column of his throat and I felt him swallow hard. "Edward, I love you too."

I expected the words to feel heavy, a confession of sins that I would be immediately ashamed of voicing. Instead, I felt warm, as if suddenly infused with sunlight. A weight lifted off of me, and for perhaps the first time in over a year, I felt like I took a real breath.

"I love you," I said again, amazed at the rush of warmth and light that spread through me with those words. Would it always be this way? How could it?

Edward's lips were on mine in an instance, and somehow despite the panic and the running, I felt the world momentarily fall away.

Of all the twists and turns in my life, one thing I had never expected was to truly fall in love. Not even with my own husband.

Edward's arms went around my body, and in a single breath, he had me pressed against the wall of our cabin. I was breathless as I broke our kiss, unable to stop the light-hearted giggle erupting out of me.

"I think we are expected back on the bridge," I told him.

"Fuck them." He groaned, his lips traveling over my jaw and down my throat.

I moaned, my eyes rolling back into my head. "No, Edward, hold on." I groaned. "We have to decide on our next move."

Edward pulled back from me just enough to look me in the eye. "The only move I care about is taking you to bed," he said, his voice burning with desire. I felt my breath catch in my throat. "Bella, I've … I've never made love. I didn't even know what that was really, but I have this deep and sudden urge to give it a go."

My heart squeezed. "But you just dressed me ever so carefully," I teased.

Edward's lips pulled up into his signature smirk and I felt my stomach flutter. "Bella, I would happily dress you every day if it meant you let me undress you too," he said, his fingers moving around my waist and slipping under my shirt to brush my stomach.

I breathed out a laugh before nodding my head and letting it thump back against the wall. "Okay."

I wasn't consenting to being treated like a doll, but I somehow got the sense that was not what Edward had meant anyway. I knew that he respected me too much to diminish me. Right now we weren't talking about capability. This was purely about love.

Edward's hands moved slowly, taking his time stroking just below my blouse until my skin felt warm and my heart was beating a little faster.

"Edward," I sighed, my voice breathy and filled with all the yearning I had been denying myself to feel.

"Bella, have you any idea how utterly perfect you are?" he asked, his hand slipping out from under my blouse. I nearly whimpered.

"You are easily the smartest person I've ever met," he said, shaking his head before his fingers moved to the top button of my blouse and released it. "You're passionate, determined, perspective …" Each word was punctuated by a popping of another button, his fingers sliding over my skin lightly as he undressed me. I felt like my knees were about to give out. Edward's eyes moved over my face. "And you are easily the sexiest woman I've ever met." With that, my last button popped loose and my blouse fell open. Edward moaned before leaning forward, pressing a kiss between my breasts while his fingers moved up, playing with the lace cups of my bra. "My god, you are incredible." He groaned, turning his head so that his tongue and lips could travel over the lace. "I want to spend a lifetime devouring you." He sighed.

My knees were definitely growing weak, and my hands slid over his shoulders to keep myself upright as my back pressed into the wall behind me.

"Edward." I was speechless, unable to come up with anything to say but his name.

I felt Edward's lips close over the tip of my breast through my bra and I moaned, my hips bucking against his.

"Take me to bed," I begged, not sure how long I'd be able to keep standing with his ministrations.

Edward released my breast with a smile and righted himself to his full height again. "As you wish, baby."

I'd never cared for nicknames before. I wasn't someone who used them and I had often found it awkward when I heard other people do it. But of fucking course, the moment Edward called me baby I was utterly gone over it.

Before I could respond, Edward had me in his arms, taking my breath away with a small gasp. He carried me to the bed where he set me down with a small smirk on his face. Before I could ask him what he was smiling at, Edward knelt over me, pressing a heated kiss to my lips. "I want to undress you with my teeth and taste every square inch of flesh along the way,."

I gasped, my body flushing warm with anticipation. "I don't know that we have enough time for that." I choked the words out, my voice vibrating with how much I very much wanted to do what he was proposing.

Edward smiled at me, pulling back so that he could see my face. "One day, Bella. There will be nothing and no one stopping us," he said softly. "One day, we will find an escape and the world will fall away until it is merely you and me, naked and in love."

It was both a sweet and sexy sentiment, and I felt one of my hands rise to his face, cupping his cheek.

"I'd like that," I told him honestly.

He turned to press a kiss to my palm before his fingers were moving to the waistband of my pants. Just as easily as he'd put them on, he tugged them off again until I was on the bed in my bra and panties, my blouse around my shoulders.

"Christ," Edward groaned. "You are stunning."

I smiled up at him, feeling bold for once and unafraid of the feelings coursing through me. "It hardly seems fair I'm so scantily dressed while you're still in your parka." He'd unzipped it when we came into the room, but it was still on his shoulders and he glanced down in surprise, letting out a laugh before he shed it and let it fall to the floor. He began unbuttoning his shirt as I sat up and tugged off my blouse and bra.

Next I tugged off my panties, tossing them off the bed before I leaned back down, watching Edward undress.

He was constantly singing my praises, but honestly he was the one who deserved them. I'd never seen a more sculpted specimen of a man. Edward was like a work of art.

He knelt back onto the bed, crawling over me before I could say any of this out loud, and I moaned when his warm body slid along mine. He settled over me, his lips finding mine as his hand slipped down my body and between my legs.

I was already soaked, and he probed me gently, seemingly pleased to find he'd been able to turn me on so thoroughly.

His tongue slipped into my mouth, and my fingers ran down his back, grasping for his ass as I tried to encourage him closer.

I wanted to feel him inside me.

Edward seemed to take the hint. Breaking our kiss, he extracted his fingers from my center before he reached for himself, stroking twice and coating his cock in my juices. My eyes were glued on his actions, mesmerized.

"Open up for me, baby," he whispered, nudging one of my knees. I spread my legs, letting him sink between my thighs as his cock lined up with my pussy.

Edward's eyes focused on my face, and I tried to do the same, looking up at him through my lashes. He smirked that smile that drove me absolutely crazy before he pressed the tip of his cock into me. Immediately, I began to moan as he sank deeper and deeper.

"Oh fuck," I whimpered. "Edward, please." I didn't know what I was begging for precisely, but Edward seemed to understand. He bent, taking one of my breasts into his mouth as his hips slammed all the way into me. I cried out, my back arching off the bed, and my fingers dove into his hair. I felt him hum against my skin and my whole body shuddered, squeezing him tight.

Edward gasped, letting go of my breast. "Holy shit," he moaned. "Do that again."

I smiled and bore down, squeezing him again and making his eyes flutter.

Edward moved as if instincts were taking over. He hooked one arm under each of my knees before gently folding me in half and sinking further into me. I wanted to scream since it felt so good.

"Thank god you're flexible," he choked out, making me giggle.

"Maybe only in bed." I panted. He laughed and shook his head before he bent to capture my lips. With my legs up, we were pressed so close and he was diving so deep into me that I felt my breath leave me with each pump.

"Touch yourself, baby," Edward begged. "Let me feel you come on my cock."

Breathless, I moved one hand down, slipping between us so that I could feel his cock disappearing into me.

Edward grunted in surprise then quickened his pace at my touch.

"Fuck, baby, come on. I want to feel you come."

I was close, far closer than I'd ever been from penetration alone. My fingers slipped over my clit and with two strokes I could feel it happen, the lightning pouring down my spine and bursting out of every pore on my body.

I felt myself squeeze Edward hard and he released a series of swears until he was coming inside of me, hot and thick.

My body was singing with the leftover currents of energy from my orgasm, and I felt like this might not be a bad way to spend the rest of my life—Edward buried in me and weighted down by his body.

Somehow, I would make that happen for me, for us.

One day, we would both be free.