Can anyone tell me where the time goes? It's like one second you're gearing up for the biggest holidays of the year and next thing you know spring is creeping on you. Not like I'd know that hear given all the snow on the ground. Anyway, continued thanks to everyone who keeps reading this even without a new update and to ancilla89, decadenceofmysoul, Zeagles15, patrickpopp, UnicornQueen01, Maritza92, and idiot101 for your reviews of the last chapter. I'm glad you're continuing to enjoy this enough to share your thoughts.

A few days later, Anna finally met with the department shrink. "Have a seat," he said, motioning to the various chairs around the room.

"You want me to sit on the couch and bare my soul?" she asked in disbelief. She wasn't sure what she expected, but just talking to him wasn't it.

"If that's what you feel like doing. I know a lot of people don't like talking to shrinks. It's hard to bare your soul to someone you don't know, especially when you've been ordered to do it. I don't blame you if you just gloss over it and do your best to convince me you're fine. However, you should know that I'm not taking notes here. I'm not going to make you explain anything deep and convoluted. My report is only going to reflect one of two things: either you're fit for duty or you're not and need more time."

"How do you think you'll come to that decision?"

"Why don't you have a seat and tell me about why you've been placed on leave?"

"Didn't you read the report or my file?"

"They told me that you had been through a traumatic event, but you had been cleared by I.A. and that something had happened back home. I didn't need to know specifics because reading that from a cold file or hearing it from someone else doesn't really help me get a feel for how it affected you. Will you please sit?" He again motioned to the chair in front of him.

She looked at the couch then the chairs in front of the desk. She sighed and sat down in one of the chairs. "What now?"

"Why don't you tell me why you're on leave?" he asked.

"I was kidnapped."

He waited but she didn't go on. "That must have been difficult."

"It wasn't easy."

"But you survived it."

"Completely useless statement."

"You're right; tell me a useful one."

Anna couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Thought that was your job."

"Today, my ultimate job is to figure out if you're fit for duty. To do that, I need to understand where your mind is and how it's processing the kidnapping."

"It's kinda over the kidnapping. Kind of 'a been there, done that' thing. My dad's also a cop. Runs in the family for the most part; my mom's a nurse. A case Dad was working brought some blowback. They set our house on fire. Everyone was ok, no one was home, but it's a total loss." She stopped and stared at the bookcase behind his head. "I don't know that I'm really upset about losing the house and to be honest, I really don't blame him but I keep having nightmares about fire."

"Describe these nightmares to me." His hands remained folded on top of the folders on his desk as he patiently watched her.

"What do you mean?"

"You say they're about fire. Are you watching something burn? Are you just surrounded by fire but you don't feel the heat? Tell me about it."

"There's two that I can remember. The first I'm in this massive, empty field and I know there's a fire I just can't see, feel, hear, or smell the fire. In the second, I'm in this large room, sitting in a chair. I can see and feel the fire but I can't hear or smell it."

"What do you think that means?"

"Maybe that I feel guilty. For being so far away and not helping."

"Are you close with your family?"

"Relatively. When I lived with them, we had dinner every Sunday." Anna stared down at her feet. Maybe she was feeling guilty for not staying in touch more. Maybe it was that she missed them. She wasn't sure what it was but it had her in a mood she couldn't shake.

"Sunday?" He drew her out of her thoughts.

"Catholic. Sundays, holidays, birthdays. All of them are important."

"You don't sound happy about that."

"I don't know. I mean I love my family but every week ... can you miss them if they are always around?"

"True. And now that you're not around them?"

"Yeah, I miss them. Not that going to see them is possible."

"A family that close, certainly they wouldn't mind you dropping in for a visit."

"They live in New York."

"All of them?"

"Far as I know." She shrugged. "They're kinda 'a even if we do leave, we always come back home' type of family."

"I see. What do you think would help you feel less guilty?"

"I don't know."

"Do you feel guilty after both dreams?"

"One more so than the other."

"The second more than the first?"

"Exactly. Just knowing there was a fire, I feel bad, like I should have done something but I know that wanting to do something is half the battle."

"It is. When you think about the kidnapping, how do you feel that it happened to you?"

"A little angry but not like I want to do something about it," Anna said. "Doc, how do I make the nightmares go away?" The last time she had talked to a shrink about making something go away, the doctor had told her to have fun. She really hoped this doctor had better advice. She didn't think having fun would drive away nightmares.

"It's different for everyone and that's not really why you're here."

"No. I'm here not so you can help me like a normal human; you're just interested in checking a few boxes so you can get back to those high paying patients of yours," she snapped. Suddenly, she felt like a moody teenager again and wondered if it was because she hadn't really been sleeping.

The doctor studied her for a very long moment. "You're right," he admitted. "It is different for everyone but typically a tired mind finds it harder to dream scary stuff. If you find a way to exhaust your brain, you may find it easier to sleep."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"When you face your nightmares or you're in a scary situation, your sympathetic nervous system gets activated."

"In English, Doc?"

"Fight or flight. In your case, probably more fight than flight." Anna shrugged nonchalantly, though not really disagreeing with the doctor. "The best way to combat that is to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the one that regulates feelings of calmness and stability. Do you have a routine you follow before bed?"

"You mean like dinner, TV, and then doom scrolling until I fall asleep?"

"Something like that."

"Just that. When you get into a routine like that the P.D. likes to throw a week of nights at you."

"Ok, but when we have a routine, our brain knows what to expect. It can even become something we're looking forward to. When my wife and I were sleep-training our newborn, years ago granted, we had a routine for him. Bottle, diaper, lullaby, lamp, crib. His mind got used to it so he was able to predict it. It wasn't so scary."

"So what? You're saying if I have dinner, watch a few hours of TV, then doom scroll, that when I try to sleep, my mind won't give me nightmares?"

"Maybe, maybe not. A calming routine could help put you in the right frame of mind for bed and lessen the chance of activating the fight or flight system. You say you watch T.V. What kind of shows are you into?"

Anna wasn't sure where he was going with that but decided to be honest. "Cop shows mostly. Some scripted, some true crime, though you'd think with how many cop stories I've heard, I wouldn't like cop shows so much. That and action shows. Superheroes, vigilantes, spies, that kinda stuff."

"Ok, summer's coming up, which means most primetime shows are headed into reruns or are replaced by reality T.V. When you have some free time, what do you settle on watching?"

"I guess reruns most of the time."

"So, if there's a renovation show on one channel, cartoons on another, a doctor show you've never seen on a third, some mindless talk or makeover show on another, and an action movie you've seen a thousand times on the last, you'd still watch the action movie?"

"Honestly, yeah."

"Even if it was a superhero movie and you preferred the spy type?"

"Yeah."

"That tells me your mind craves predictability over change. It's also why you're so ready to get back to work. You prefer going in day after day. It gives you something normal to hold on to. So, find yourself a routine you can follow every day no matter what time it is and that should calm your mind. I do recommend limiting the doom scrolling though, it does nothing for the brain. Try reading or journaling or ..."

"Poker?"

"That can be addictive."

"Maybe but if you're not losing real money; where's the harm?"

He smiled a bit then went straight-faced again. "Until the no-stakes games aren't enough of a serotonin boost and you do end up losing real money."

"I'm not really a writer and I'm real picky about what I read."

He blinked at her a few times. "I see. A lot of my patients have found that writing down three good things a day is exceedingly helpful. It helps them focus on the good in the world."

"What? Like fast food potatoes or burgers?"

"Sometimes. If you start with a bullet-pointed list, you can get in the habit of looking for the good things. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to go home, write up a list of good things to look for in the world, and then tick them off as you go through your days. It's more like take five or ten minutes at the end of your day to reflect on what happened and write down three good things about the day."

"You mean like ... today I didn't have to arrest anyone?"

"If that was something that was good. Maybe someone held the door or maybe you're grateful for something. Focus on the positive and you won't see the world as doom and gloom and there will be less fuel for your nightmares."

"You want me to write it up like some high school English project?" she asked skeptically. She was so not looking forward to that. She did so much writing for the department already that any more would be overkill.

"Not if that's not what will help you. You're doing this to help you. If it would help you more, grabbing a sticky note and writing tacos, roses, and the color of the sky on the way to work is perfectly ok too. Again, it's just a possible way to put your mind in the right mood to go to sleep. If you don't want to take my suggestions, that's fine too. You're not my patient, it's not required. This was all one human trying to help another."

"Thank you."

He asked about a few other things before he picked up a pen. He tapped it against the file on the table. "Consider taking some vacation time. We live in a great city with some amazing places that are often overlooked. Believe it or not, everyone needs rest and relaxation from time to time." There he went, telling her to have fun. Anna tried not to roll her eyes. He narrowed his eyes at her, almost as if looking for something then opened the file and notated something inside. He looked back up at her. "Looks like our time's up. Try to have some fun soon."

"Putting bad guys away is fun."

"If you say so."

She wasn't so bothered that he didn't believe her about that. Some people didn't and that was ok. It was yet to be seen if his help and suggestions would actually help her, but she did feel like they could be interesting things to keep in mind. She was kept from her job for a few more days due to the cuts on her arm but both the medical doctor and the shrink eventually agreed and she was allowed to go back to work.

Not long after getting back to work, Mike walked Anna to her car after shift. "My son Noah, you know Noah, right? You two have met?"

"We have a few times," she said lightly, wondering where this was going. She was a couple years older than Noah and, if she remembered correctly, he had a girlfriend.

"He entered this raffle at school. It was something about promoting baseball to the next generation and all. He wasn't completely sure what the whole thing was for just that there were four tickets up for grabs. He's one of those that if there's a raffle that's free to enter, he'd enter. Anyway, he won. Second time he's won anything through a raffle. They're decent seats along the first base line for the Marlins game next week. He invited his mom and me but his girlfriend just broke up with him so he doesn't have a fourth. His friends don't want to go, his sisters don't like baseball, and he figured it was a shame to waste that ticket. I was talking to him when I remembered you like baseball. He told me to invite you, especially since we have that day off."

"You want to invite me to a Marlins game?" She swallowed. "I appreciate it but um …"

"Did I forget to mention they're playing the Mets? You prefer Mets over Yankees, right? And first base is the visitor's dugout."

"Yes, but still, it's Noah's ticket. I couldn't just take—"

"Like I said, he asked me to invite you."

"Did he now?"

"Well, when he mentioned not being able to find someone else to go with, I mentioned you and he agreed."

Anna stared at him and leaned back against her car. She shifted against the hot metal. While it had been some time since she had been to a ball game, they were typically a great afternoon. But, on the other hand, going to a ball game with her partner and his family seemed questionable at best. That wasn't to say she didn't like them because she really did; it just felt a little out of the normal. However, the way Mike was looking at her was often how Danny looked at her and it gave her the same feelings. "Ok, fine."

Mike gave her the details and they arranged to meet at Mike's place at two on the day of the game and he'd drive. It turned out to be a great day for baseball. It wasn't too hot, not a cloud in the sky, and a great turn out of fans in the stands.

"How long have you been a fan of the Mets?" Noah asked as they settled into their seats.

She knew behind her that some of the fans were giving her dirty looks at the pinstriped, number five Mets jersey she was wearing but she didn't let that get to her. Just like she tried not to let Noah's white, black, and teal Marlins jersey bug her. "Practically since I was a baby. I've got pictures of me in Mets gear going back that far. I didn't really get into it knowingly until I was about five or so."

"Same here with the Marlins. My sisters couldn't give a crap about sports. Well ... Lacy loves playing soccer. Anyway, my dad got me into sports. So why Mets over Yankees? Aren't the Yankees a better team?"

"No, never!" Anna protested. Then she sighed. "Technically, yes. When they've played against each other, the Yankees have won more often. However, my dad grew up in Brooklyn not far from where the Mets play. The Yankees play up in the Bronx and that's further away. The onlysport me and my dad don't agree on is football."

"You think it's dumb and boring?"

"No. I love watching football. When I was a baby, I've got photos of me in Jets gear until I turned about five. Kinda wanted to burn them but I'm an adorable baby. Around that time, I saw a Giants game and that was it. From then on it was the Giants and I can't tell you how much that disappointed all of the Jets fans in my family."

"That's got to be hard."

"A little, but it's never dampened my love for the Giants." Anna looked over at him. He reminded her so much of Mike both in looks and in personality. She wondered if that was what people who knew Danny saw when they looked at her. It wasn't a bad way to be. At least, not for the most part. "Are you sure you don't mind me being here? Your dad said—"

"It's fine. My dad's been training rookies for more than 15 years. Of all the ones I've met, you're one of my favorites. I'd rather have you enjoy the game than waste that ticket by not using it or on someone who isn't going to enjoy it." If it wasn't for the fact that he was two and a half years younger than her and reminded her so strongly of Mike and in some ways of Jack, it would have been so easy to fall for him. Luckily for them both, she only saw him as a potential good friend.

"Ok. I won't say any more," she agreed. "Though I do have one question."

"Anything, shoot," Noah said.

"Bad idea telling a cop to shoot. Anyway, your jersey," she reached over and took his left arm in hand and turned it so she could see his sleeve, "can you explain why a. it has an F with a fish on the sleeve and b. says Marlins across the front, when his jersey doesn't?" Anna asked, motioning to the guy warming up in right field.

"For the same reason my dad's cap has an F and mine has an M. His—"he motioned to the guy in right field—"jersey is from this year. My jersey is from 2009. In 2012, they rebranded from the Florida Marlins, hence the "F", to the Miami Marlins. This was their home jersey in 2009. I'm guessing yours is a home jersey too?"

"Yep. For the most part, our home jerseys have always been white or off-white and pinstriped. My jersey's actually from the same year." She twisted in her seat a bit and showed him the right sleeve of her jersey which bore the Inagural Year patch. "First year at their new stadium, Citi Field. My Uncle Jamie got it for me. I loved it but hated it at the same time. It was a crappy birthday."

"2009? Wasn't that the year your uncle died?" Mike asked.

She looked over at her partner. "My Uncle Joe, yeah. Three and a half months before my birthday. It was crappy. Anyway, it was not their best year that year. You always been a fan of the Marlins, Mike?" Anna asked, looking over at her partner, three seats away on the other side of his wife.

"Not always. Baseball's only been pro in Florida since '93 when the Marlins came to town. Tampa Bay joined in '98. Before that, we don't ask about my favorite team growing up," Mike said.

"Why not? You grew up in Florida, most people would understand you being a—" Noah clamped a hand over her mouth to prevent her from saying what the closest team was.

"We just don't talk about it," Noah said.

She pushed his hand away like she would've if it had been Jack's or Sean's hand. "About the team from ... up north?" She relented and didn't mention the team's name.

"Do you mention that other team when you're at a game in New York?" Mike asked.

"Ok, point. Won't mention it," Anna agreed. She got enough to know that he had been a fan of the Atlanta Braves and didn't want to incur any more wrath of the Marlins fans around her. It was almost like being at Citi Field with Mets fans and mentioning the Yankees.

"Good. Now, enjoy the game," Mike said.

Anna settled down and did, in fact, enjoy the game. It was even better when the Mets actually won the game. Her and Noah traded stories back and forth about other games they had seen as well as minor league games though her minor league teams had stadiums closer to her house and her grandfather's house than his minor league teams were to his place. They went back to Mike's place after the game for a light dinner then she headed home.

Two days later, after a long shift, she headed for a cemetery west of the city. After checking around to make sure she wasn't followed, she parked on the edge of the road and walked down the row to where new grass had just begun to sprout out of a grave with a freshly set headstone. She sat at the foot of the grave, thankful that the sun was quick to dry the ground after a sudden rain shower. She swallowed as she stared at the name on the marker.

"I should say thank you but that doesn't feel right when you're the one in the ground. Sorry doesn't exactly feel right either even though it's my fault. I appreciate you saving my life. I wish I could ask you why. You had no reason to put yourself in that position. Not a single one. You got nothing out of that. There are no news stories about the hero hood who saved a cop. Your family can't talk about it and there is no way in heck it made you a legend among those boys. I also want to know how you knew and how you convinced them I was worth the danger."

"Cops and hoods aren't as opposite as you think," a voice said from above her. For all of a split second, she thought it was some kind of Lion King crap where those from beyond the grave were talking to her, but then she saw the boots out of the corner of her to be fair, it wouldn't have been the first time she had heard from the other side. It often felt like Joe was giving her advice.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Anna answered.

"We never actually met. Eric Turner," he introduced himself. "I always heard tell of this chica cop who was halfway decent to my boys. No cop is ever decent to us."

"I don't know why. You're human. All humans deserve decency until they prove themselves otherwise. Most of your guys, haven't."

"Good. I expect that from my boys. He respected you. Told me you were a great cop and though you were one, that wasn't a reason to let you die."

Anna couldn't bring herself to look away from the headstone to look at the head of the ADTs. "But he didn't get anything out of it, except being put in the ground."

"Being hoods and gang bangers, doesn't make us bad guys. We're just more likely to bend the law. He wasn't expecting anything except maybe your everlasting gratitude."

"He's definitely got it. Him and Oliver both."

"It was actually his idea. He had been picked up in a gang sweep and while he was waiting to be questioned, he overheard your partner talking to that blonde detective."

"Oliver?" She looked up at him finally. He reminded her someone she had met before but she wasn't sure how. He nodded. She shrugged and looked back at the headstone.

"Yep. Said they were talking about you not answering your phone and how your dad had put you in danger. Your partner was doing his best to convince the detective that you were in danger. She didn't seem to believe him until your phone kept going to voicemail. The detectives released Oli after your car had been found. He went straight to Mario. Long story short, they tracked your phone to the marina and convinced me and the boys to help you out."

"And as a thanks, they both ended up dead," she scoffed.

"It's why we don't often do good things," Eric answered. He stated it so matter-of-factly that she couldn't really argue with it.

"Kinda don't blame you for that. Their families, do they ... I wouldn't blame them if they hated my guts."

"Oli's mama and sister were angry that he rushed into a shootout. Mario's mama expected it from him. They're angry about that; that they're involved in something illegal. When we told them why, about the girl on the news, that changed things."

"Changed by making it worse, you mean," she scoffed.

"Not exactly. Disbelief mostly. Their boys put their lives on the line for a cop. Mario's mom knew you had arrested him before and she had no idea as to why he would go that far for you."

"Did they say I was a cop on the news?"

"No. They just said young woman. We all knew you were a cop though."

"What'd you tell Mario's mom?"

"Despite being a cop, you were a decent chick and no one deserves to be in the crosshairs of the Cartel for no good reason. We could get you out. Besides, better the devil you know."

"Are you calling me a devil? I am a sweet little angel," she turned a glare up to him.

Eric titled his head a bit and smirked. "So was the devil 'till he fell from heaven."

"Touché." Anna looked back at Mario's grave marker. "I just wish I could say thank you to them. I never meant to trade my life for theirs."

"They knew that. Hoods know that 75% of us won't grow old. A lot of us don't like it but the tradeoffs aren't great but we deal with it. It's all about priorities."

"I guess." She stood then stepped up to the headstone, careful not to step on the actual grave. She may not have believed in a whole lot of religious stuff but she did believe that it was disrespectful to step on a grave if you knew where it was. She reached out and touched the headstone, silently thanking him for everything he had done for her, then headed back toward her car.

"Hey, Reagan!" Eric called. She stopped and looked back. "Take care of yourself now. I can't keep rushin' in, lookin' like a hero. It'll ruin my rep."

Anna chuckled. "You got it," she answered. She drove around aimlessly for a while until she decided a poker game would put the rest of her problems out of her mind. As usual, it worked like a charm.

Sorry there are only mentions of the Reagans and no actual appearances. Anyone else see rumors of the new show Boston Blue? Can anyone tell me where that is coming from? Stay tuned for more later.