Authors Note***** Please Read, Very Important!

AN: Alright guys, we are wrapping up part 1 of this story. As I mentioned, there is major character death that is going to lead to a lot of angst to finish off part 1 of this story. Meredith and Derek's love has been fun and beautiful to write, but stories get old if all you have is fluff. I needed this character death for this story to go into another beautiful direction and to do the time jump I wanted. I am asking you guys to trust the process and to stay tuned for part 2. Something wonderful is coming, I promise. Also, I hopped around with the timeline in this chapter.

M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D M&D

Friday, Six days since the engagement

The past five days have been a blur and I'm spiraling. Derek hasn't spoken to me since Monday afternoon when he was released from the hospital and its now Friday. I don't know how I'm going to make it through tomorrow and I don't know if this feeling is ever going to go away. I haven't been able to keep the nausea at bay since I found out and I don't think my heart will ever be able to mend. I can't believe that this is my life now and I can't believe how cruel it all is. I wish I could go back to Sunday morning before any of this. I wish I could go back to the before.

Sunday Morning – The day after the engagement

"Good morning beautiful" Derek whispered as he kissed my eyelids softly

"Morning" I murmured. I will never be the morning person that Derek is but waking up next to him makes it all a little easier. I could hear the birds chirping and figured that sometime in the night, Derek had opened the window. His room always did get way too stuffy.

Derek's fingers played with mine as I felt him slip the engagement ring he gave me last night, back on my finger.

"No one's awake yet and I want to have breakfast with you." Derek told me stroking my face to try and ease me from my sleepiness.

"Mmmmm pancakes" I told him with a sleepy smile.

"I'll get you whatever you want, but we have to sneak out of her without my family seeing you." He told me softly

"No sneaking." I murmured, my eyes drifting back closed. I could feel Derek trailing light kisses across my cheek and neck.

"My dad has a few errands that he needs me and Amelia to take care of today and then we can tell her tonight and then my family." He told me hoping I'm sure that it would excite me out of bed, but I was so comfortable just lying beside him.

"Then no more sneaking?" I asked

"No more sneaking." He promised before kissing my lips and eliciting a soft moan from me.

I opened my eyes to see his blue ones looking at me with so much love and adoration that I felt completely safe and secure that no matter what, I would always him by my side.

We got up and silently snuck downstairs and out of the house. Derek took me to one of our favorite cafés in town and I ordered a stack of chocolate chip pancakes. We were in engagement bliss. Derek was always healthier than I was and ordered and egg white and mushroom omelet and we both enjoyed a cup of coffee.

"You're watching me." I told him with a smirk as I shoved a large piece of pancake in my mouth.

"You're cute and I can't help it." He told me with a dreamy grin.

I rolled my eyes playfully.

"I want to have babies with you." Derek breathed out as I was stuffing my face once more. He had been watching me the entire morning with an excitement in his eyes.

Telling me out of the blue that he wanted babies with me seemed like such a peculiar thing to say as we were just casually eating breakfast and had never spoken about kids before. Probably because we were way too young for it and had just gotten engaged last night. For some reason, Derek saying this didn't make me freeze up or freak out. It felt like such a normal topic of conversation, something so natural.

"Oh yeah? How many?" I asked him. I hoped he didn't want a ton. I could barely see myself with one but the thought of making human beings that were half me and half this person that I loved so much seemed like the best thing in the world.

"I don't know, however many you want to give me." He told me simply and I grinned at him.

"Babies would be good." I told him before continuing my breakfast. I ate greedily and he laughed out loud at this.

"Like I said, you're cute." He told me before using his thumb to wipe away some chocolate that had smeared next to my mouth and before consuming the rest of his omelet.

I grinned.

Derek dropped me back off at home and I decided to use the time to get my life together a bit. I needed to catch up on laundry and clean my room and figure out what books I needed to order from Amazon for my upcoming semester. Derek asked me to tag along with him and Amelia as they had a list of errands that Michael gave them, but I knew if I was around Amelia, I would blurt out that Derek asked me to marry him, and I wanted to wait until later and in a way, I wanted to tell Amelia by myself. She was Derek's sister but somehow, she was my sister more and he knew as well as I did, that I had to be the one to tell her our exciting news. I hoped that she would take it well and my gut instinct told me that she would.

Derek said that they would be home before dinner and had to go into the city to pick up a massive wood order that Michael had placed. Usually, he was the one to pick up the order, but he was swamped at his furniture store and Amelia wanted to buy some new clothes from some of the stores.

The afternoon passed by fast, and it was nice just how productive I had been. I checked my phone around 5pm and realized that I hadn't heard back from Derek since 2. The last text I had received was his complaining about how annoying Amelia was being and how he wished that I was with them. I had sent him back a laugh face and told him to just be patient and that Amelia really wasn't that bad. She could be, but I wasn't going to agree with him when it came to her. They should be getting home soon and there was an excitement in the pit of my stomach.

Friday, Six Days since the engagement

I found a black dress in my closet that I hadn't worn since my aunt's funeral when I was in high school. It was a little big on me then, but I figured by now, it would fit the way it had been meant to.

"Oh good, you still have that dress." My mom said coming into my room.

I nodded.

She ran a hand over it, "I won't be able to go Meredith. I have an important surgery that can't be rescheduled. I hope you understand." She told me.

"I do mom" I acknowledged. I didn't want her there anyways.

"Good girl." She commented to me like I was dog. I hated it.

I didn't say anything and dug through my closet for a pair of shoes to wear with the dress while she lingered by my side before sitting on my bed. I picked a pair of black heels. They were simple and classic just like the dress. I studied the dress and began digging through my jewelry box to avoid my mother's gaze as she lingered. She didn't know what to say and I was sure she wouldn't have the words to make me feel better. I could feel the tension.

"Meredith, I- I'm sorry. I know how much this must hurt you, but times like these grow character and you can take all this pain and put it into your studies. Make something out of it. Make it have meaning." She told me sincerely and as much as it felt like a punch in the gut, I could tell she was being sincere and comforting me the way she knew best.

I nodded "Some friends of ours from school are coming up for it, can they stay with us? It'll only be for a night."

"How many?" Ellis asked me. I could tell she wanted to say no but couldn't bring herself to. She hated house guests even though she was never here.

"Three tops." I shrugged.

"That should be fine, just make sure they clean up after themselves." Ellis confirmed. I wanted to roll my eyes into the back of my head. The housekeeper came on Mondays anyways and Ellis probably wouldn't be home for the next 3-4 days.

"I will."

"Alright, I have to get back to the hospital. You'll be fine Meredith." She told me placing her hand on mine quickly.

It was the best she could do and not nearly enough. She left and I didn't see her again for 3 days.

Sunday Afternoon – Evening, One day after the engagement

I decided to wait for Derek and Amelia outside and casually sat on the steps leading up to my front porch. I had grabbed one of the books I had been meaning to read all summer and began to skim through it. I was anxious for them to get back though and felt myself too distracted to really begin the book. I checked my watch, and it was now 5:45, they really should have been back by now. I decided to call Derek and it went straight to voicemail. I figured I'd give them another 15 minutes before calling Amelia. However, I didn't have to wait because I saw Michael's truck quickly pull into the Shepherd's driveway and Michael ran out to go inside. I got up and decided to walk over to the Shepherd's to see what was going on, and as I got to the door, Michael was holding Carolyn's hand and she was screaming.

"How bad?" She kept asking in a panicked voice over and over and over.

Michael was speaking her, but I couldn't quite register what she was saying, and they quickly walked to his truck.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"Not now Meredith" Carolyn told me sharply. I felt stung, like I had just been dismissed by the woman that I looked at like a mother figure.

Michael's eyes softened "Amelia and Derek got into an accident Meredith. We don't know anything right now." He told me.

I felt the breath leave my body. I had the worst feeling overtake me and I felt bile rising in my throat. I swallowed it down. "I-" I didn't know what to say but I was asking him with my eyes if I could come with them. I realized now that he was taking Carolyn to the hospital to see them.

He nodded and I jumped into his backseat. Carolyn cried the entire way there. I realized a few minutes in that we were headed to Mass General, and that the extent of injuries were probably bad when Michael started talking about the trauma unit.

Carolyn practically ran into the hospital, and I stayed by Michael. Someone asked me something about family relation and Michael told them that I was their kid. I couldn't muster a word.

A sullen doctor asked to speak with us in a private room. He looked sorry.

My mind was torn between panic for Derek, then panic for Amelia then panic for both simultaneously.

"Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd" and then he looked at me, silently asking me to give my name.

"M-Meredith." I said at last.

"Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd, Meredith, there was an accident involving Derek and Amelia about 10 minutes away from here. I don't know the address exactly, but they were at a red light when a driver that we believe was drunk hit them going what we presume to be over 60 miles an hour."

Carolyn gasped and Michael's grip on his wife's hand tightened.

"Your son is in CT, getting a scan of his brain to ensure there is no bleeding. We should get the results back quickly. It's mostly precautionary, so please don't worry. We think at most he may have a concussion but other than that, his injuries do not seem to be too critical." The doctor continued

"Thank God" Carolyn breathed

"What about my daughter? What about Amelia?" Michael asked urgently

"I'm so sorry Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd, Meredith" he said looking over at me.

"The impact, when the car slammed into the vehicle, it broke Amelia's neck and she passed instantly. I am so sorry for your loss. If it is any consolation, we do not believe she suffered."

Carolyn screamed and Michael sobbed, and I froze. Amelia is dead. I couldn't stop saying it over and over in my head because I didn't believe it was real. She was so full of life. She was my best friend. And she was dead. She is dead. She's gone and I never got to tell her that we were really going to become sisters. There's a lot of things, I never had the opportunity to tell her.

Michael did his best to console his screaming wife and the doctor looked torn on what to do.

He made eye contact with me "I'm sorry about your sister. If you would like to see her, we can-"the doctor began.

"I want to see Derek." I told him cutting him off. I didn't even sound like myself. I sounded so angry, so harsh, so broken.

He nodded, "As soon as he's done in CT, we can arrange that." The doctor assured me.

"Does he know?" I asked through gritted teeth.

The doctor nodded "The ambulance said that when they pulled him out of the car, he was – well, he was aware." The doctor stated.

I nodded. Nothing else needed to be said.

The doctor turned his attention back to the grieving parents who both wanted to go see Amelia.

I stayed put.

I couldn't see her dead.

I sat in the waiting room staring at the clock. I was waiting on the doctor to come get me as he promised to let me see Derek.

Twenty-two minutes later, he came, and walked me to Derek's room, where I saw Derek lying in bed and in a hospital gown. He was staring out the window and his body looked tense. His hands were knotted in his lap, and I could only see the side of his face. I gulped. Derek was okay. Amelia was not.

"CT came back clean. He has a concussion but will be just fine." The doctor stated as if Derek wasn't even in the room.

"Thank you." I mustered. My voice caught in my throat, and I barely got the thank you out. I wasn't ready to say more.

The doctor left and I stood by Derek's bed awkwardly; I didn't know what to say.

"Derek" I breathed at last coming to sit beside him. Suddenly, the impact of everything got me and I burst into tears. I felt him comfort me. He pulled me to him and rubbed my back. He didn't say anything and the only thing that could be heard were my tears. It didn't seem fair that I was crying, and he was forced to comfort me. We both lost someone.

When I pulled out of his embrace and looked into his eyes, he wasn't himself anymore. There was a coldness to them, an emptiness. It scared me. I saw a large bandage on his head where he must have hit it.

"I'm glad you're okay." It sounded lame and it was lame, but I didn't have the words. I felt broken that Amelia was gone and relieved that I wasn't grieving two loved ones today. It was a strange sort of juxtaposition that unless you've experienced it, it doesn't come across correctly.

"I'm not okay Meredith." He told me coldly. His hands remained knotted in his lap.

"I know. You're right. I- I can't believe she's gone. I'm so sorry." I told him, the tears resurfacing.

Before Derek could respond, police entered the room along with Carolyn and Michael. Carolyn instantly rushed to Derek's bed, and I moved to get out of her way. Carolyn was talking to him, but I didn't hear it. I watched the police officers and studied the names on their badges. Officer Carmichael and Officer Hobbs. They were both tall and one had dark hair and the other was balding with lighter colored hair. I don't remember much else about them.

"Derek, we're very sorry for your loss. We need to speak with you about the accident. Do you have a few moments now?" Officer Hobbs asked.

Derek nodded and answered their questions. Their story was told detail by detail. He didn't pause. He didn't cry. He told it so matter of fact like, that it felt like stranger telling the story. I didn't recognize him.

I stayed in Derek's room until visiting hours were over. They were keeping him for observation for some reason. I think they wanted psych to spend some time with him before discharge. He barely looked at me let alone barely spoke to me. He mostly looked out the window and kept his hands knotted. His parents would ask him questions and he would give one-word answers or just nod. I tried to talk to him a few times and was met with a similar response. It felt like he hated me, but I reminded myself that he had just experienced extreme trauma and extreme loss and he had a concussion on top of it.

I kissed Derek goodbye on his cheek, and he didn't even look at me. He didn't recoil but he didn't seem like he enjoyed it either. I figured that he needed some time to himself to process what had just happened.

Driving home with Carolyn and Michael was a hell all in itself. I wanted to find the words to comfort two grieving parents, but I knew nothing I said would make any difference, so we rode in silence all the way back to their house. It felt like an eternity.

Carolyn ran out of the car and into the house. Michael took a second and just stood by the car.

I stood next to him, not ready to go home. I wasn't sure where Ellis was and figured I would be completely alone tonight.

"Michael-" I began

"Don't. I can't. You don't need to comfort me, you're grieving too. You don't owe me or Carolyn any words. We're all together in this." Michael told me looking past me.

I nodded. He was right, but I knew his grief was bigger than mine. Not because I didn't love Amelia, but because Amelia was his child and children were never supposed to go before their parents did.

"We'll leave for the hospital first thing in the morning. The girls will probably drive up tonight and stay, there will be room for you though, okay?"

"Okay" I mustered. He just had the most heartbreaking day of his life and he still looked out for me.

"Try and get some rest." He told me and turned and walked right into the house. He was a ghost of the person I knew, but somehow still himself. Derek just seemed like a ghost.

I cried my eyes out all night. There would be a before and after going forward. Before the accident. After the accident. I knew I would never be the same, but I did know that I was going to do everything in my power to be there for Derek and to come through this loss together. Amelia would have wanted that.

Saturday Morning, 1 Week since the engagement

I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt the nausea and swallowed it. Amelia was dead and I was attending her funeral. I wore the simple black dress that I had worn to my Aunt Augusta's funeral 5 years ago. It was my funeral dress now and I hoped I didn't have to wear again for a long time. I slipped on the friendship bracelet that Amelia and I used to wear as kids. Wearing it stung but it would sting worse to take it off.

I was crestfallen that Derek stopped talking to me, but today I only wanted to feel the hurt of losing Amelia. Today was about her, not me and Derek and I was sure he felt the same.

When I got to the church, I saw the Shepherd's together. Some crying, some stoic. Derek's eyes caught mine and they softened, he looked like he wanted me to come to join the family but quickly he cleared his throat and the void of emotion expression that he had been wearing since the accident took over. I sighed and looked away, everything about this day hurt too damn badly.

I decided that I would sit alone, I didn't want to infringe on the family's privacy, but Michael came and got me and told me to come sit with them. I took a seat beside Derek, and he really looked at me for the first time since the accident. His blue eyes looked sad, and they filled with tears. I offered him my hand and he took it. It felt so good to be touching him again, although it didn't dull the ache of losing my person. The service was long and sad. Nancy spoke first, then Carolyn and lastly Michael. Each speech was painful in its own way. The minister spoke about untimely death and Amelia being at peace. Amelia was never at peace though, and I figured wherever she was, she was causing a scene and living for it. I cried at the thought that I would never experience one of Amelia Shepherd's famous temper tantrums ever again. There was finality in the service and the nausea crept back up my throat. Once again, I swallowed it down, but it was getting harder to do so and I moved my hand to my mouth involuntarily. Derek saw this and his eyes held concern

"Are you okay?" he asked softly

"I think so." I told him quietly.

We didn't speak for the rest of the service. He disappeared during the reception afterwards. People mingled around, expressing their condolences, and telling stories of Amelia. I was a part of a bunch of those stories, and I felt pain that I was there to hear them, and she wasn't. At one point, I looked for Derek but couldn't find him. I suddenly felt an intense urge to throw up and ran into a bathroom and began puking. Suddenly Derek was beside me pushing my hair back.

"You're not okay." He stated simply. His voice was like it was at the hospital, completely void.

"No, I…. I think it's the stress of everything." I told him.

He nodded "You should go home." He told me

"I want to be here for Amy and for you."

"Amy's dead and I don't need anything from you." He told me curtly. He was making me feel like I had done something to him. It was painful, but I tried to not let it affect me.

Before I could respond, I felt the nausea again and emptied the contents of my stomach back into the toilet. Derek was quick to help me once again even though the way he was talking to me made it seem like he didn't want me around. He rubbed circles on my back while I cried. He comforted me and kissed my forehead. It was the first time he had shown me any affection in a week since before everything happened. I fell into his arms, and he held me closely whispering to me that everything would be okay. Finally, I moved away from him and wiped my eyes.

"I'm okay" I breathed.

"Your sick Meredith, I'll take you home."

I tried to protest but the look in his eyes told me there wasn't an option to argue. We rode back to my house in silence. I didn't know what to say and I don't think he wanted to say anything to me. The burial was happening later, I figured that I would miss it and maybe that was for the best. He pulled up to my house and unlocked the door to his car without a word.

"Thank you." I told him as I got out of the door.

He nodded but kept his eyes ahead. I closed the door and approached my house as he drove off. Quickly, I ran upstairs and collapsed in my bed. This was one of the worst days of my life and I was sick on top of it.

Derek and I felt over for some reason, and I wished that I had my best friend to turn to, but she was gone, and she would never be coming back. Everything had changed.

AN: Alright everyone, please do hate me yet. Was this the character death you expected? Are you still interested in this story and seeing what I do with the time jump? Can you keep the faith that I will ALWAYS have these two work it out in the end? Let me know in the reviews! We have one more chapter and then we move into Part 2.