AN: Inspired by a series of Tiktoks by user nerdymixedpan.

The biting chill of winter was the first thing he registered as he awoke. The second was his daughter's cries. A sound that spurred him into action faster than any monstrosity in the baker's home could. He pushed himself from his bed on the vehicle's cold metal floor, panic jolting him into a clear state of awareness. With wide eyes he scanned the dark space around him, searching frantically for Rose.

He followed the sound, finding the faint outline of her bundle. Intense relief flooded him as he scrambled over to her. He pulled her into his arms, rocking her gently as he cooed soothing words to her. His heartbeat took longer than she did to die down, content to relax in her father's arms. In his calming state he took to studying his surroundings.

The minimal light he'd been graced with was coming from the front of the van, specifically it's headlights. Besides himself and Rose there was nothing else in the back. No weapons or important files. It was barren. Memories crept back, piecing together how he'd gotten into his current situation. It'd been a normal night until the gunfire, until Mia fell to the floor littered with bullet wounds.

It had all happened so fast. The shift from normality to top secret espionage in the blink of an eye. At least back in America he had build up to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Chris had a lot of explaining to do. The more pressing mystery, however, was the case of where they were and why. Ethan was no high ranking military man, at most he'd been trained in self defense and gunmanship; But even he knew it was against protocol to leave someone like him alone in a van at a time like this.

He stood, Rose sleeping peacefully in his arms. He took cautious steps, avoiding any unnecessary conflict as he approached the front seats. The first thing he noticed was the fact they had rammed into a tree. The second was the traces of blood splattered across the dashboard and driver's area. A sight that had his veins run cold. He gripped Rose tighter. It was one thing for him to brave the horrors of biological warfare by himself, it was another for his daughter to be in the thick of it.

He took a deep breath to calm the rage bubbling inside. He could curse Chris out later, for now he needed to protect her. A blinking light caught his attention. He reached down, grabbing the discarded phone. With a touch the screen lit up, indicating whoever the owner was had a new message. Unfortunately, Ethan needed a password to unlock the damn thing. He could access the phone pad, but he had no phone numbers off the top of his head. Wasn't like 9-1-1 was going to be much help out here. He chose to pocket it for now.

The back doors were easy to pry open, revealing the naked trees surrounding them. It had to be near sunrise, as the sky had begun to turn a pale shade of azure. The faint light was less than ideal, but preferable to the pitch black of rural night. At least this way he could see the trail.

Said trail had splatters of blood, much to his dismay. Unfortunately, there weren't many options available to him. It was either walk towards the danger, or get lost in the middle of nowhere. At least going forward he might be able to acquire a means to fight back. Holding Rose complicates matters of self defense, but there was a chance he'd run into one of Chris's men. Surely, they had to be in the area. It wasn't like Louisiana where the timing had been a lucky win.

The snow crunched under his feet, accompanying the howling wind. He prayed Rose wouldn't suffer from the cold. The bundle they'd put her in was thick, but that didn't stop his worrying. He didn't even want to think about what the van crashing might have done either. He'd just hope that she had his luck in fortitude.

It wasn't long before his hike had taken him to a cabin. The trickling of the nearby stream was relaxing. Almost peaceful save for the thick blanket of dread hanging over his head. He approached the wooden door, bringing his hand up to knock before his intuition stopped him. He had no reason to believe the action was the wrong choice. However, he knew his intuition was never wrong. It's what kept him alive this long.

So instead his hand lingered an inch from the wood, deciding his next course of action. His shoulders slumped before he realized the door was ajar. Softly, he placed his palm against the wood, pushing it open. It gave minimal protest, revealing a packed hallway. There was no denying how well lived in this home was. He cautiously entered, keeping a watchful eye as he made his way further inside.

The respite from the chill was welcomed but failed to stay. Wind ruffled his jacket as he entered the living room past the kitchen. The growing sunlight poured in from the holes in the walls. Everything inside had been smashed, as if a large animal had barreled through. Considering the size and jagged edges of the holes; That was likely the cause, but what animal? And why? Call it stereotypical, but he wasn't keen on finding out. That was Chris's job.

For his sanity he chose to ignore the smeared blood along the floor and back trail. He was careful not to disturb Rose as he climbed over the low fence post. The walls of the mountain surrounding him as he continued. The barren branches of the bushes and trees would occasionally stick out to greet him. He walked through them, shielding Rose with his arms. It was a short distance before the rocks opened up into a clearing.

He blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the scene. The sun peaked out from behind the mountain line in the distance. In between rested a village below atop the uneven terrain. Beyond lay a castle. It's medieval architecture was a beautiful wonder to the modern eye. The landscape looked straight out of a fantasy novel. It would have been breathtaking if not for his circumstances.

"Where the hell are we?" he whispered to himself; A new layer of worry arising.

Rose stirred in his arms. She softly babbled as if responding to his rhetorical question. He couldn't help but smile in response, peering down at her. His little bundle of joy. If anything were to happen in this village to harm a single hair on her head. There was going to be hell to pay for everyone involved.

With that in mind he maneuvered the steep path ahead. It was hard sliding down and keeping Rose content, but he did it. The fabric covering his ass and back legs had to be coated in dirt and snow. He paid it no mind, seeing another old building nearby. Said building wasn't what caught his attention, no, it was the dead horse carcass in front of it that did. It had to be recent; The only stench omitting from it was that of the blood that hadn't even begun rotting yet.

"What happened here…?" He asked aloud, eyeing the body as he walked around it.

He left the home's front area, entering the walkway between homes. To his left was a fallen cart, its contents spilling out onto the ground. It blocked the pathway, forcing him to take a right. Everything looked normal at first. The surroundings were that of a typical small village, until he approached the tractor. The machine was on. It's engine was chugging away despite the lack of driver or momentum.

What really caught his attention were the severed goat heads surrounding it. They were tied and hanging by the trees with rope. The ground was coated with the blood dripping from their necks. The scent was horrid and overpowering but it was nothing compared to the nostalgia it brought. It was far too reminiscent of the Baker family's home. Sure, they weren't arranged in a decorative fashion like Jack had made, but the message remained the same. There was something really fucked up going on.

Another cart crash blocked the path ahead, forcing him to take the path's divulging left turn. It felt as if the village itself was herding him towards something. A thought that was reinforced as that path hit a deadend. To his left was a chained off gate. The note taped to it informed him the home's occupant had apparently gone missing. Must have been one of the first to suffer whatever the hell was going on.

To his right was another home. A lit lantern hung from it's portico, swinging idly. The entrance was once again ajar. If he were an inch crazier he'd be convinced the village was fucking with him. It all aligned too perfectly, but he didn't have much of a choice in the matter, did he? With a sigh he began to approach, until a gunshot in the distance stopped him. His head snapped towards the noise, body holting mid step. He waited, listening for more information to make a decision.

A growl was next, closer this time. It was heavily muffled, either on the other side of the building or from within. Ethan turned around, moving as quickly but silently as he could. He rounded the corner, approaching the collection of thick trees that blocked the path. He knelt in the corner, praying the shadows and stray branches would cover him until whatever it was left.

It was due to his heightened state that he jumped at the phone's buzzing. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. The previously forgotten device continued to vibrate in his pocket until he reached for it. It's screen had lit up and he guessed the confusing caller ID to be some military code or disguise.

"This better be Chris," he said as he brought the device to his ear.

"It is," came the deep voice on the other end, sounding as frustrated as Ethan felt. "Glad to hear you're alive."

"Yeah, unlike Mia." He remarked, not bothering to hide the venom in his tone.

"That wasn't Mia."

"What?"

"That was a woman named Miranda," Chris explained, "she's a dangerous B.O.W. that took Mia and replaced her to get to Rose."

"You're only telling me this now?" he snapped. A growl in the distance reminded him of his situation, prompting him to keep his voice low.

"There wasn't any time, Ethan." He sighed, "I was going to tell you when we got back to base."

"Well your plan is going swell," he grumbled, eyes darting around for threats.

"Where are you? Is Rose with you?"

"Rose is with me," he answered, "and I was hoping you'd tell me. This place looks like fucking Louisiana all over again."

"Fuck," there was a shuffle on the other side of the line, "don't tell me you're in the village."

"Big, movie worthy, castle surrounded by mountains, village? Yeah, sure, I'm not there." Sarcasm dripped from him.

"Listen, Ethan, just don't go doing anything stupid until my men and I can get there." He stressed, followed by more shuffling.

"I have Rose with me, I am not putting her in any danger." He bit back, "I'm going to find somewhere warm to get her out of the cold. I don't know how long she can last out here in this weather."

"Roger that," he responded, "I'll keep you updated."

With that Chris hung up. The atmospheric wind returned as his only company, accompanied by the swinging lantern creaking nearby. It's amazing how another human's voice can ease the dread. Contrastingly, it was amazing how much the absence of another could leave one feeling so vulnerable. Rose stirred, reminding him now was not the time for existential musing. Especially not when the next thing to break the silence was a loud cry.

"A Family of Weirdos" is available on Archive of Our Own and SquidgeWorld under the same title and username; Wattpad cross-post coming soon