Author's Note: Happy 2022, ya'll! I have a few updates. The first is that instead of posting every Thursday, I will be posting every other Thursday. Secondly, this chapter kicks off some of the darker aspects of my fic. Here are the tags I've used on AO3:
POV Adora (She-Ra), Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Action & Romance, Humor, Fluff, Angst, Plotty, Kid Fic, Established Relationship, Military, Implied Sexual Content, Smoking, Explicit Language, Past Child Abuse, Adora has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (She-Ra), Abusive Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Childhood Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, Constructive Criticism Welcome
So, please take a look at the tags and make sure you're okay with that content. I probably won't warn for content again, unless specifically requested. And finally, thanks for reading! If you're enjoying, comments are greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 11: A Story with No Plot
She had a headache. The same one that lingered over her for days now. It started at the back of her skull, and took ground with admirable speed and efficiency. Soon, even the space behind her eyes ached. She pinched the bridge of her nose and halfheartedly hoped another portal would open and she could jump through. Running away was immature, unhelpful, not her style, and oh so tempting.
"...and then she said, 'I hope so, for everyone's sake,'" Reyna finished. In exacting detail, she'd laid out almost word for word the conversion between herself and Mara. If it wasn't so anxiety inducing, she'd be proud.
She was caught, no other way around it. "Ya, that's pretty much exactly what happened," Adora admitted. She could sit here and deny away but her appetite for lying disappeared sometime in the night. A certain strength was needed to look into the eyes of her loved ones and lie, and she just didn't have it.
"What was she talking about? What were you supposed to tell us about?" Glimmer said. She crossed her arms and her gaze remained glued to Adora's face despite the arrival of dinner. She could feel everyone else doing the same. Well, so much for diverting attention away from herself.
"Can we possibly do this tomorrow? I've kinda had a day."
"Really?" Reyna said, spoon halfway to her face, "What happened?"
"Lots of adult stuff, honey," Adora said, "There's some things that aren't appropriate for kids to know, but I'll tell you when you're older."
Reyna huffed and that somehow set the mood for the rest of the dinner. People were mad, they were upset. Adora was nothing. Not freaked out, not pissed with herself. She could feel the discomfort coming off others in waves, but she herself emitted nothing. Emotion took energy and she had none. So she ate her dinner and added generic but polite comments here and there to get credit for being present.
No one else brought up her fight with Mara but it shackled itself to the room, to the table. Even when they said their goodbyes, she could practically read everyone's thoughts. What did you do? She deserved it, of course. She hadbeen lying. But she'd meant to protect everyone from the truth. Hopefully that counted for something. But if Finn's looks were anything to go by, it counted for nothing.
All four walked into their room, and Adora tried to rally. She wanted to head for bed but then she'd abandon her family and it was only 7 PM. So she clapped her hands together and asked, "Who needs to do their homework and who needs help? Raise your hands." Reyna raised her hand while Finn crossed their arms. How did she reach them? It'd been a tough few weeks for Finn, no doubt, and they needed compassion and patience. Both of which were running low for her at the moment so she resolved to manufacture these regardless of her actual feelings.
"Finny—"
"What are you lying about? And why did Mara feel the need to confront you about it?"
"Ya!" Reyna added.
She looked at Catra helplessly before deciding to explain as vaguely as possible. They didn't need to know that she'd killed an unarmed man in a vision or that her death had been prophesied. "There are some things I know because of She-Ra. Things that are...hard to explain. And I don't wanna try. Not tonight, at least. It's been a long day, you know? When I'm feeling up to it, I'll explain as best I can. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear but that's the truth. I hope you understand where I'm coming from." She took a step towards them with open arms but they stepped out of reach. Why were they being like this?
"You did something. Something that pissed off Mara and she basically said that you're a terrible She-Ra. And since you've been lying, I kinda agree." Finn's words hit her like an arrow to the chest, knocking the breath out of her. Did they really think she wasn't a good She-Ra?
"Hey, that's not fair. Being She-Ra is hard and sometimes it's not very fun. I do the best I can and try to make informed decisions. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I get it wrong. But I'm only a person, sometimes I make mistakes."
Catra came to stand next to her and she could feel her bristling. "Finn, that was an incredibly mean-spirited and nasty thing to say. Apologize to your Mom."
Finn looked between them before their ears swiveled downwards. "Sorry. I just...why did you lie to us?"
Why did she do anything? To protect her friends and family. To shield them from the harsh realities of the world. This series of lies was no exception. "I wanted to protect you. And you." She turned her attention to Reyna, who'd been watching everything unfold with wide eyes. Was she upset? Damnnit. Adora rubbed her temples while closing her eyes. How had everything gotten away from her so quickly? "Come here," she said while kneeling. She gestured at both kids to come closer. When they did, she put one hand on Reyna's shoulder and lightly gripped one of Finn's hands. "Do you remember the night the portal opened and Mara came out of the woods?" Both nodded. "When I went to speak with her, I had a vision. I was…" How did she explain to two children that she'd watched herself cut a man in half? "...In the vision, I did something I would never do. And it scared me so I didn't tell anyone. So, maybe I was protecting myself most of all and that's why I didn't say anything."
"What were you doing?" Reyna said.
"I hurt someone I shouldn't have. That's all I'm gonna say."
"But why did Mara get mad at you for that? It's not like you actually hurt someone, it was just a vision." Of course Finn would be sharp enough to pick up on that disjuncture. She hoped they'd be satisfied with being told a secret and not read too much into it but they were too smart for that. In no world would she tell them about her apparently approaching death so she had to think quickly. "She showed it to me but didn't know anything about it. Where I was. Who I was hurting. Why I did it. So, she wanted me to see if anyone had any ideas. But I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone about it. That would mean explaining the vision in full and...it was too much. That's the truth." Every fiber of her being went into controlling her voice and facial expression. She had to be believed.
"That's it?"
How she answered would lock her in. She would've officially lied to their children after this point. She'd never done that before and vowed not to do it again. "That's it."
Finn stepped forward and hugged her. She'd basically expected everything but that. In fact, she kinda thought yelling would be their next step. Still, she wasn't going to question it. This reaction happened to be the best case scenario. Their chin sat on her shoulder and they said, "I'm sorry I called you a terrible She-Ra. You're probably at least an okay She-Ra."
"Ringing endorsement there, Finny." They laughed and she couldn't help but join in.
"I wanna hug," Reyna said while wrapping her arms around Adora's side. With one arm still around Finn, she used the other to hug Reyna tighter. Crisis averted. For the moment.
"Me too," Catra said as she put her arms around all three of them. Adora played the part of the hug's core and enjoyed every second of it.
...
Catra laid on her back, head slightly propped up by some pillows. Her eyes glowed in the darkened room and, like a lighthouse, Adora used them to navigate over to her. She crawled up their bed and into her waiting arms. She draped herself over Catra, pressing her full weight into her wife as she settled down. Adora waited for her to complain but she said nothing, she just purred. One hand brushed through Adora's hair while the other rubbed her back. She sighed and buried her face in the crook of Catra's neck. She really, really needed this.
They laid like that for a while, simply drinking in the other. The world had been shaky all day, but this restored a semblance of security. No matter what happened in the past, she needed to remember she had a lot going for her in the present.
Sensing that Catra wanted to talk at some point tonight, she broke their silence by saying, "Are you mad at me?" But since her face was squished up against Catra, it came out like, "Aaa you maf aa mmm?"
Somehow, Catra understood and said, "No. I'm just worried."
Adora lifted her head a little to make eye contact. "About me?"
"Nah, about Bow's figurine collection."
"Did Melog get into them again?" An annoyed meow from the bottom of the bed made her shut her mouth before additional accusations could come out.
"No," Catra said, chuckling a little. "Of course it's you I'm worried about, dummy." She put her hands on either side of Adora's face and stroked back and forth with her thumbs. Much quieter, she added, "You're never like this."
"Like what?" She didn't mean to sound so aggressive but it came out that way.
"You've been so silent all evening and you usually never shut up," Catra said with a grin. She pushed back some loose strands that fell into Adora's face before gathering her hair up in a fist. "And you were yelling at Mara. Really fucking getting in her face. You were pissed. And same thing with the King. You were basically seething. Which I get, fuck him. But you're not like that usually."
"Well, I'm glad it seems that way. I put a lot of time and effort into controlling my temper. Spirits know it's gotten me into trouble before. But believe me, it's nothing new." Catra gave her a weird look. "What?"
"I just don't think of you as having a temper."
"Good, that's on purpose." She sighed and laid her head on Catra's chest. The slow beat of her heart restored some rhythm to Adora's life, calming the discord. She could fall asleep like this. She closed her eyes, and tried not to think of the future.
"What happened in the vision you told the kids about? I know you were watering it down for them," Catra said. Her hand still lazily combed through Adora's hair.
Adora opened her eyes and accepted she wouldn't get away with falling asleep so quickly and easily. "Do you really wanna know?"
"Yes."
"I saw myself in She-Ra form. I was all bloody and dirty," she let out a heavy sigh before continuing, "I was going after this guy. He was someone I'd never seen before but he wasn't armed. And then I cut him in half. Literally in half, Catra. I did it without hesitation. And he was a civilian. Not that someone in a uniform would've made it better but...ya. That's what I saw."
Catra shifted under her and Adora turned to find her grimacing and trying to sit up. "Mara showed you this?"
"She did," Adora said. She moved off Catra, and sat against their headboard. One of Catra's arms came to rest across her shoulders, and she let her head fall back against it. The pink curtains surrounding their bed rippled and billowed out as a breeze from an open window picked up. She watched the movement and shivered.
"Adora, I do not like the sound of that. At all. I mean, has Mara ever lied to you or misled you?"
"Never."
She could feel Catra's eyes boring holes into her but she didn't turn. A moment later, Catra's hair tickled her before she pressed her forehead against the side of Adora's face. The arm around Adora's shoulders folded over her, and Catra lightly drug her hand up and down the unoccupied cheek. Adora closed her eyes and breathed in deep. "You would never do something like that."
"No," Adora agreed.
"Why didn't you tell us about the vision? Tell me?" The hurt in her tone was unmistakable.
"I wanted to. I really wanted to. But everything I told the kids is true. I was scared, Catra. And I didn't know how to approach it. 'Hey, I cut a guy in half. Anyways, these portals, am I right?'" She probably should've stopped there but something compelled her to keep talking, "There was so much going on, you know? And that's not me. How do I explain the vision to you? To Bow and Glimmer? To myself? I kinda wanted to pretend I'd never seen it. Still do, actually."
"I understand."
"You do?" She reopened her eyes to try and find Catra's gaze, but she was still nestled into the side of Adora's face.
"Ya, that must've been shocking. To say the least. I see why you didn't wanna talk about it." Adora nodded and waited. She sensed a but coming. "But we're supposed to be a team. You and I. When it comes to everything, good or bad. I don't wanna be kept out of the loop. I wanna know what's going on with you. I just...I love you so much, Adora. I can help you. I will help you. But you have to let me in."
"I know. I know," Adora said. She sort of melted out of Catra's grasp and lied down right below her wife. The urge to scream arrived, unhurried and expecting her attention. She hated, hated keeping the true nature of Mara's visions and warnings from Catra. And perhaps worst of all, Catra believed her. She didn't even ask if there was more to it than the single vision, she just assumed Adora would've mentioned anything else. Despite that, telling the truth about her death prophecy thing still didn't seem like the right decision. If Catra was upset now...Adora didn't want to imagine the fallout from that revelation. "I'm sorry for keeping that from you. I'll do better. And I love you, too."
Catra laid down beside her, propped her head up with her arm, and leaned in to plant a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you. And I know it's been a couple of shitty weeks for you so I doubly understand." Her tail swished up and down Adora's stomach, and she looked at Adora like she was her sole focus in the whole world.
"Yaaa," Adora sighed out, "It has been."
"After we figure out what to do with the Eternians and their fucking King, maybe we can discuss the vision with at least Bow and Glimmer. Then we can try to figure out what it means."
"That's a good idea." Her answer came out automatically, generated by some subconscious process dedicated to saying the right placeholder at the right time.
The King. The King. Hard to believe she ever had a hopeful attitude towards him. Just this morning, she'd felt close to him after learning the truth behind the Imperator. And now they were here. A million miles away from where she'd like to be.
"Where'd you just go?" Catra asked. She reached out and used her thumb to pull Adora's bottom lip from her teeth. She didn't realize it was bleeding until the metallic taste in her mouth disappeared.
"Has...has anyone ever touched you like that?"
"Like what?" Her courage flickered out at that exact moment.
"Nevermind," Adora said, shaking her head, "I'm tired, let's go to sleep."
"No, like what?"
"Like–like what King Elric did to me."
"You're asking if anyone has ever sexually assaulted me?" Catra said.
"I guess, ya."
"No. Absolutely not." In the midnight air, Catra's eyes burned more intensely than any star. "Has anyone ever hurt you like that?"
"No," Adora said. Under the scrutiny, she grew several sizes smaller. "No. Never."
"Good, I'd fuckin' kill them." Catra lowered herself beside Adora and pulled her closer in. Adora rolled over and rested her head on Catra's chest. The rest of her body followed and she laid over her wife like a shield. "I'm sorry that asshole did that to you," Catra added.
"It wasn't that bad." Catra's entire body tensed under her, causing her to bite back any further comments.
"I'm not gonna tell you how to feel about it," Catra said after a few agonizing seconds, "But I'm worried you're trying to minimize what happened. It was fucked up and disgusting. And it won't happen again. Mark my words."
She couldn't help herself, she really couldn't. "Why does Mark have your words?"
Catra groaned and put her arms around her. "At least you're feeling better. Just gotta keep telling myself that." She once again relaxed under Adora. Good. Making Catra feel bad was just awful.
Adora laughed and closed her eyes. "Spirits, I'm so tired." She hadn't particularly meant to say it, but it was true. The exhaustion went bone deep, sinking deeper still.
"Then let's go to sleep." Catra placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you."
"I love you, too," Adora whispered before drifting off to sleep.
A dream descended upon her like heavy snowfall, burying and suffocating and cold. For some reason, she knew it was a dream. When she opened her eyes, she knew. Which was odd because it didn't exactly feel like a dream. The walls so perfectly replicated the Horde, and her objective, watch, was so obvious that the usual hazy logic of dreams clearly didn't apply. Things were too clear, too memorable, too real. But it was true, this was all a dream.
The clean, sanitized smell matched her memories of the Horde. It perfectly mingled with the metallic and industrial intensity that made the Horde, well, the Horde. She stood off to the side of a hallway, looking down its seemingly endless passage through the barracks. Stale, yellow light streamed in through the hallways, discoloring and disjointing the already uneven scene.
Shadow Weaver stepped into view with her flowing, tattered robes. She held hands with a smaller version of Adora. She didn't quite remember being this cute with her tiny blonde ponytail, missing front teeth, and big eyes but she was. And innocent and undeserving of things to come.
She stood still, staring at the two while another thought begged for acknowledgement. But it felt wounding and poisonous so she concentrated on taking in the interaction. Shadow Weaver knelt by little Adora and put her hands on her shoulders. "Don't tell anyone about this, you understand me, Adora?" Little Adora nodded but Shadow Weaver continued, "Not even Catra. If you tell Catra, I'll have to take her away. Do you want her to go away?" Little Adora shook her head no. "Use your words. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Good. Now this is very important to your training. What we're about to do." She stood and led the small Adora away.
It happened in the day. Most of the time. She remembered that now. Catra, without fail, used to sleep in her bed at night so Shadow Weaver's window of opportunity shrank to the day. Someone once told her it was shocking when something bad happened in broad daylight. She didn't get it. Bad things happened all the time in the day. Especially in the Horde.
"It happened to me, too." A voice beside her startled her so bad she collided with the wall. Adora hugged her side and looked up to find a familiar face. It was that woman from her dream above the cliffs. She had the same long, black hair and athletic build. Her dark green eyes held Adora's gaze and she offered a sad smile
"What do you mean? What happened?" Adora said. The woman cocked her head and looked down the hall and then back to Adora. She blinked a few times before opening her mouth. Then Adora woke up.
The moment she rejoined the real world, she knew she was supposed to still be in the dream. Whatever force compelled her to enter it intended for her to stay. And it was strong. But she wanted out more than anything and forced its end.
She still laid partially on top of Catra, her cheek flat against her chest. Catra snored lightly and breathed slowly and evenly. Great, she hadn't woken her up. Remembering the other night when she had, Adora crept inch by inch towards the edge of the bed. She watched a moment to make sure Catra was still asleep before dressing quickly and leaving their room. She was halfway down the hallway when the door to their room opened. and she turned to find Melog padding after her. "Gonna keep me company?" She asked while kneeling and scratching behind both ears. They meowed in reply before Adora stood, and led them towards the outer reaches of the castle. For a reason she couldn't quite understand, she had to get to the woods.
Whatever she saw in that dream, it didn't matter. The past was the past. Whatever she was supposed to see, whatever message she was supposed to receive didn't matter. The Horde's reign over her life ended a long time ago and its relevance slunk away as the years kept coming. The emotions from that period had already been cataloged and dealt with; the lessons filed away and stored and never to be reopened again. Why did anyone want to rehash it? She was at a good point in her life. Why disrupt that?
Guards saluted her as they passed by. Long gone were the days of inexperienced and undertrained Royal Guard. Her complete reorganization and updated training regiment ensured that only the best of the best served in the castle and that they were always preparing. Now people couldn't just slip into the castle as they pleased. Unfortunately, that also meant guards were around at 3 AM and could watch her leave. Not that it really mattered but she hated to start rumours.
When she and Melog hit the treeline, she bent down and said, "Alright, I think it's time for you to go back to the castle. I'll be fine and I don't want you getting hurt out here." They meowed and sat down, not going anywhere. She'd gotten through to exactly zero people in the last day or so and her fight had disappeared somewhere along the way. So she shrugged. "Stay close, okay? We're not out of the woods yet, so to speak, when it comes to the woods. They're still not back to normal." Melog meowed while standing, and they walked into the trees together.
Darkness reigned over everything, the tree cover obscuring the light of the moons. In the few places moonlight did stream through, she could see a heavy mist layering the forest, causing the trees to blip in and out of her line of vision. She relied on Melog's sense of direction and put a hand on their back for navigation. She could summon magic and light their path but that felt like asking for trouble. So she let Melog lead the way. But where they intended to take her, she couldn't tell.
Her mind wanted to freeze, back up, and replay. The Horde hallways. The green bunk beds. The exposed pipes and the occasional ooze of some undefined liquid. Why did any of that happen to her? To Catra? To any of the cadets? Why? Why? Why? She almost screamed it to the indifferent trees.
She practiced tactics, strategy, hand-to-hand combat for hours and hours everyday. During that time, a seismic shift, as they often do, dropped her in boiling water so carefully, so gradually that she'd barely noticed. She went from someone like Reyna, a carefree child and happy to be amongst family, to a hard charging soldier sculpted into such by the people meant to protect her. And she'd never changed back.
As much as she wanted to say that she'd given up the hard exterior and biting edge, she just hadn't. Probably wouldn't at this point. Maybe that's why Etheria chose her...But hopefully not. That seemed exceptionally cruel.
What would she say to her parents? When they asked what her childhood was like? Or who'd taken care of her? They'd want to know everything, understandably, but reopening that door didn't seem possible. Maybe some things were best left unsaid. Or maybe someone else could do the explaining on her behalf. Maybe she just wouldn't meet her parents, slinking around their presence like a hungry but self-denying Plumerian vulture.
Spirits, what happened to her? The King's actions started the process of sending her to another time and place but she'd completed the action–filling in the blanks for misery. And most frustrating of all? It'd been thirty or more years since the Horde. She'd gone to therapy, she'd talked about it, been open. In exchange, she was supposed to heal. Yet, here she stood, in the woods at 3 AM and definitely not forgetting. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right.
"Do these things ever end?" Adora muttered. Melog meowed and she'd wonder forever what they said.
Up through the trees, light from the moons penetrated the great forest and bright, clean moonlight shone through the haze. It reminded her of the day she found the sword. Probably that should've been comforting; it wasn't.
Melog led them closer and closer to the light, and then suddenly they stood in the Crystal Castle's looming presence. Its clearing almost glowed beneath the moons and she stared up at the structure, bone white in the night. Equipment littered the area, a few collapsed tents rippled in the slight wind. No doubt this stuff had been left over from the Eternians' arrival.
"What are we doing here?" Adora asked. She glanced down at Melog, but they merely sat back on their haunches and watched her. It seemed important to be here. But the Crystal Castle also had a way of adding gravitas to situations that really didn't need it. So who was to say for sure.
An ear-splitting, teeth rattling boom crashed through everything and she hit the ground long before realizing she'd moved. She covered her head with her arms and curled into a ball. The air crackled with energy and she felt her magic crawl up her spine, begging to be involved. Without a second thought, she let it consume her and shifted into her She-Ra form. The added fortitude compelled her to stand and face the problem. And what a problem.
A red energy beam shot up from the top of the Crystal Castle and ascended into the night sky. The beam, so powerful and singular, flowed into the starry canopy like a pitcher pouring in reverse. She couldn't help but stare for a moment. Melog seemed equally surprised, shifting bright red and pinning their ears back at the intrusion.
This beam appeared to be an almost exact copy of the Eternian beam, only this one threw off crimson red light instead of sickly green. In the absence of the sun, the beam took its place and bathed everything in scarlet. Her eyes strained against the hue and her hair blew wildly around from the intense wind flowing from it. Besides the initial boom, there was little accompanying sound–from the beam or the woods. And the forest's silence said more than any warning call or fleeing feet ever could.
The whole area must've been preparing for another portal. No other explanation. As if on cue, a swirling black mass slammed into existence several feet away. The portal whined and an energy influx towards it caused her stomach to somersault. Yet, the malice of the other portal was completely absent.
The black churn gave way to a picture from the other side. An orange sunset and rolling yellow fields waited on the opposite end, though it wasn't a landscape she recognized. She couldn't see any animals or people which was odd because it had to be opened by someone. And this portal's character seemed tied to at least an individual, maybe a group. Unlike the other one, it didn't leech off her energy which meant it fed from somewhere or someone else. So where was everyone?
Logically, the time for suspicion had arrived. Things weren't adding up and she'd been warned about another portal. But that contradicted everything actually coming off it. It didn't radiate aggression, it seemed calm. And it wanted to come to Etheria, or its master did. Adora could make that happen. And she almost did. But another feeling, at least as powerful, reminded her of Okeer's warning: Others wish to come here as well. And they are not like your Eternians, your flesh and blood. They bring fire and death.
Then she felt it, the prickle of someone, or something, else joining in her assessment of the situation. The other didn't intend to disturb her, it just watched–through her, around her. And for some reason, it felt like reality paused. Like the whole world, maybe the whole galaxy, held its breath, stopped in its tracks, looked at her.
She had a decision to make.
Adora closed her eyes and let her mind wander through the space between herself and the portal. It wasn't hard to find because it searched for her too. It didn't pressure her and nothing felt forced. The portal simply wanted to stay open and asked her permission. It would be so easy to give. Too easy. If she'd learned one thing, if something felt too good to be true, it probably was. Long gone were the days of being manipulated and pulled into traps.
"No," she told it, "Not this time."
Boiling anger, like none she'd ever felt directed at her before, consumed the connection between her and the portal. Something hungry and borderline unstoppable grabbed at her. It dragged her a few feet towards the portal, which now spun with dizzying speed and produced a deafening whooshing sound.
Fuck.
She tried stepping backwards, but the pull towards the portal was stronger. Her feet destroyed the ground beneath them, leaving jagged paths of broken rock and disturbed dirt, as she tried to plant them. Nothing physical worked so she turned her attention to their mental link. Hatred, no other word for it, seeped from the portal. She latched onto the feeling and concentrated on severing their connection. It tried to dig in and sink its claws deeper. Adora held it close for one terrifying moment before releasing it completely. She sucked more magic in, needing the bolster to keep it away. The portal tried to surge back harder and sought to increase the magic rushing towards it. But this was Adora's planet and little magic went willingly to the portal. With one final heave, she pushed against the portal, its magic, and whatever controlled it until it snapped out of existence.
Flashing lights and a thunderous crash were the last sensations she felt before getting blown backwards. She didn't feel the landing as she barreled through a few trees and a lovely patch of wildflowers. Nor did she feel a branch pierce her stomach, spilling her blood on the fertile ground. She did see it, however. She-Ra blood had the same thick, red quality that Adora blood had. The same qualities that clumped the dirt together and fed the soil while starving her.
On the verge of losing consciousness, she allowed her body to stay in the broken contortions it'd fallen into. She stared at the sky and wondered at the black creeping into the edges of her vision.
"Dearie." Suddenly Madame Razz stood above her with Melog at her side, meowing incessantly. "Have a sip of this." She crouched down and brought a cup up to Adora's lips. She drank long and deep, unable to do anything but follow instructions.
Then her mind cleared and the looming threat of unconsciousness slipped away as tentatively as it had slipped in. With some control back in her hands, she directed her magic to start putting her back together. With the same careful and solid capabilities she'd come to expect from herself, sensation returned to her limb by limb until she felt as good as new. Or almost.
"Razz," Adora croaked out, "I stopped the portal."
"I knew you would, dearie. A tree was telling me about it today. Or was it tomorrow?" She tapped the handle of her broom to her face in contemplation. "No matter. Try to sit up." Adora did as she was asked and pulled herself up. Razz handed her the cup and leaned against her broom while looking down at Adora with a kind expression. Melog rubbed their head back and forth across Adora's chin and chest, meowing the whole time. "Your friend is right. You need to rest. If you go straight that way," Razz said while pointing down a lightly used trail, "You'll be back at the castle."
"You can understand Melog?"
"Of course I can. You can't?"
Instead of answering, she clambered to her feet by using Melog as a cat cane. Still feeling a little light-headed, she leaned on them for support and looked down at Razz. Razz, who was feet shorter than she was. Right, still She-Ra. Adora shifted back into her normal form and the height discrepancy became more manageable.
"Did I–did I do the right thing?"
Razz hobbled over and patted her on the arm. "You and my Mara. Always questioning if you were doing the right thing. Seeking out an old woman in the woods to get your answers. But who cares what I think. What do you think, Adora?"
"I think," she started, "I think that time will tell."
Razz smiled and said, "I think so too." She gave Adora a final pat before stepping back. "Now, why don't you go back home? I'll be here when you need me."
"That's probably a good idea. Thanks for the tea and...everything else."
"Anytime, dearie. And next time you come for a visit, bring the kids."
"I'll try," Adora said, "Good night." She gave one final look at Madame Razz before mounting Melog. She scratched their head and said, "Alright, let's go home." They charged off down the path recommended by Razz, and Adora hunkered down and hung on.
They ran mostly through pitch black, only an occasional sliver of moonlight revealing the outlines of trees as they swept by. She dared not do anything except rely on Melog's night vision and agility. After a bit, she saw dim light ahead and knew they'd be hitting the end of the forest soon.
As much as she wanted to trudge home and crawl into bed, she knew she'd have to alert her Generals and debrief on the situation. And it was going to suck. No way around that. She'd have to move troops again and tighten up security around–
Melog's forward momentum came to an abrupt halt, sending her flipping over their head. She crashed into the ground and rolled a few times before coming to a stop. She whimpered, and opened her eyes to find her army waiting for her.
General York looked down upon her from horseback with a concerned expression. Adora slapped off a shaky salute before dropping her hands back to her sides. "General," she greeted.
York saluted and asked, "Lord Commander, are you okay? That was quite a spill."
Adora nodded and looked down the line of soldiers ready and waiting to presumably enter the forest. Of course someone noticed the red beam and assembled the troops to investigate. It was what she would've done. She was really off her game if this came as such a huge surprise.
The sound of pounding hoofbeats caught her attention and she turned to find Glimmer, Bow, Catra, Brick, and Sunny riding towards her. Distantly, some part of her laughed at the sight of her tiny wife riding Swift Wind, the biggest stallion she'd ever seen in her whole life. Melog laid down beside her and licked her face a few times. "I'm okay." And she was, for the most part. Pain from her ankle kept her from talking too much and attempts to move it proved futile. She dared not look at it yet so she stayed laid out.
"Adora?" Catra's voice cut through the night air. She jumped off Swift Wind and ran to her side. "Please tell me you're okay."
"Ya, I'm alright. I jus' fell off Melog. Maybe broke my ankle. Not too sure."
Catra glanced down at her leg, swallowed hard, and made eye contact again. "Ya, you definitely broke it. But everything else is okay?"
"I think so."
The tension in Catra's shoulders lifted, and she clenched one of Adora's hands between her own. "How'd you even fall off? And what are you doing out here alone?"
Over Catra's shoulder, she watched Brick dismount and come towards them. "Fuck, oh fuck, your foot," he said while glancing at her leg and back to her face. He shook his hands like he was trying to get something off them and danced around. She would've laughed if immense pain wasn't coursing through her. Luckily, Catra picked up her slack and laughed enough for the both of them.
" 's okay," Adora said, "Nothing I can't heal."
"No," Brick said, "Let me." He stepped towards her and traded places with Catra. He knelt, closed his eyes, and reached out to her with a trembling hand. Right before he touched her, he collapsed forward and onto Adora. His head landed against her shoulder and the rest of his considerable weight crushed her down.
"Ouuuch," she groaned from under him.
Catra was almost instantly at her side again and brushing hair back from her face. "Adora?" Her concerned eyes peered down at her, causing a lump to form in Adora's throat. She hated doing this to Catra, but having someone worry about her felt nice. It reminded her to come back from the forest.
"Spirits, Brick!?" Glimmer hopped down from her horse and sprinted to their body pile. Bow wasn't far behind, mirroring the same terrified look on Glimmer's face.
"Brick's okay, I'm okay," Adora managed to get out, "He jus' fainted, 's all. He hates injuries."
"He what?"
"Ya, I know. Gimme a sec." She closed her eyes and focused on Finn and Reyna when they were kittens. How cute and fluffy they were. Soothing heat spread out from her chest and flowed down. Her magic filled her veins and she traced its path down to her injured ankle. The pain washed away with each pulse of magic until only a whisper of a throbbing sensation remained. She turned her attention to Brick and let some magic go up and into him. Together they threw off golden light into the trees, and the soldiers standing in formation.
Brick's head came up and he looked around with bleary eyes. "What happened?"
"You fainted because of my foot." He climbed off her as haphazardly as possible before helping her up. He kept his eyes on Adora, pointedly not turning towards his parents.
"You don't like injuries?" Glimmer said, "You have healing magic, Brick. You can't faint when someone's ankle is a little fucky."
"I know, I know, okay? But we've been working on it and-"
"We?"
Brick shot her an apologetic look. "Adora and I have been working on it."
"Adora?" Glimmer narrowed her eyes. "How long have you known about this?"
Brick told her when he was about fifteen and she'd been trying to help ever since. "Close to ten years now," Adora admitted.
"What?"
"Glimmer, honey, maybe this is a conversation for tomorrow," Bow said. He placed his hands on her shoulders which caused her to visibly loosen up. Saved by the Bow.
"Ya, you're right. But we will be having a conversation tomorrow, you two."
"Understood," Adora said. And she did. If she were in Glimmer's shoes, she'd be upset too. If one of her kids trusted someone else with a secret like that more than her, she'd be hurt. But Brick was also a kid when he'd come to her and begged her not to tell and all kids deserved an adult they could trust. Him even more so because he'd been deprived of privacy by virtue of being Crown Prince. Plus, Brick had always been fond of Adora since he was very little, and she wasn't willing to break the rapport they'd built up. So she'd kept his secret and she knew he appreciated that more than he'd ever reveal.
"Oh, come on, Mom. Leave Adora out of this bullshit. I'm the one that asked her not to say anything."
"I do not like your tone, young man," Glimmer said while crossing her arms, "We will be talking about this tomorrow. All of us. End of discussion."
"But Mom-"
"No buts," Glimmer interrupted, "And it's only a discussion. I'm not gonna send anyone to the dungeon. I think we just need to talk this out."
On any other day, Adora would accept her ruling as Queen and submit to her wisdom. Any other day. But she just couldn't let Brick be criticized without a word in edgewise. She took a step forward, ready to defend him at any cost necessary. Before she could open her mouth, Catra caught her arm and sent her a warning look. Somehow, she knew exactly what Adora was about to do. This brief pause allowed the conversation to move on, Glimmer none the wiser that Adora had been winding up. "So what the fuck happened out there? And why were you even out here in the first place?"
There was still time to pick a fight. She could come out swinging, and tell Glimmer that Brick had a right to keep things from her. She felt the upswing of her heart at the proposition but its trajectory fell to pieces when Catra's hand tightened around her forearm. What was she thinking? Why fight with Glimmer? Why? Why? Why?
"Well," she heard herself say, "I woke up in the middle of night and I just couldn't shake this feeling that I had to get to the forest. So I came out here and Melog was kind enough to join me." Adora stroked their head before continuing, "And we started walking around the forest, me relying on their night vision. And they led me to the Crystal Castle. I don't really know why though. You'll have to ask them."
Melog meowed a few times and Catra translated. "They could smell something weird and tracked its scent to the castle. They never realized a portal would open."
"A portal opened? Another one?" Sunny asked.
"Yep. We got to the castle and another beam sprang up from it. Like the one from the Eternians. Exactly like it actually, the only difference being it was red instead of green."
Bow nodded. "Ya, we saw it. A guard on watch alerted the whole castle and General York threw together troops to come investigate. Then we noticed you were missing and everyone freaked out. Everyone. We ordered civilians to evacuate to the lower levels for the sake of saving time and then we all rode out here. And that's pretty much it."
"And the kids?" Adora asked.
"Scared but fine. They're with the other civilians," Catra said, "A guard came in to wake us up and when I realized you were missing, I just told them you'd already left to coordinate a response. So they weren't worried about you. Not like I was."
Adora scratched the back of her neck, and dropped her eyes to the ground. Damnnit. She'd put Catra in a tough position multiple times over the past few weeks. "I am so, so sorry. I had no idea another portal would open. I just...I just thought I was going for a walk."
"It's okay, what's important is that you're fine now. We can talk about it more tomorrow." Great, so two conversations waited for her. In all honesty, they would probably be fine but some part of her wanted to be left alone.
"Are you alright though?" Brick asked.
"Funny story about that." She raised her head and glanced around at each face. Not completely sure where she was going with this, she continued, "That portal? Something was wrong with it. It seemed fine at first. Better than the Eternian portal because it wasn't trying to suck energy from me. But then I tried to close it and it changed instantly. It kinda, well, it kinda blew me up."
"What?!"
"Ya, not great. It did not want to be shut and what's weirder is that I couldn't see anyone on the other side. You guys know how portals need a ton of energy and obviously someone has to open it. As far as I know, at least. And when I was trying to shut it down, I could feel someone attached to it. But I sure couldn't see anyone. So I'm not really sure what any of that was about. And then, yah, it blew me up when I closed it. Like one final screw you. I can show you tomorrow and you'll see the damage. I took out a lot of trees sadly."
"Nevermind the trees, are you okay?" Catra said.
"More or less. Madame Razz showed up to help me and I healed myself, but I'm pretty sore and I know I'm gonna feel it tomorrow. And then I fell off Melog. So I've been better, I'll say it."
"Why the fuck are we standing around here, then? You need to be back home and resting." Catra hugged one of Adora's arms and looked up at her. Knowing Catra her whole life had a ton of benefits, including knowing when she was putting on a brave face. Like right now. Underneath it all, Adora could see the exhaustion and worry weighing her down. And she'd been the cause.
"Hard to disagree there. I'm ready to head back if you guys are. I don't think anything else is gonna happen tonight. I can't feel the same...restlessness."
"If you're sure, then let's go home," Glimmer said, "But maybe I'll keep the troops out here, just in case."
"As you wish," Adora said, "I don't think it's a bad idea."
"Let me go talk to the General," Glimmer said before walking towards the waiting officers.
Adora watched her go for a second before turning her attention to Catra. She kissed her forehead and murmured, "I'm okay. Promise." Catra nodded but didn't reply. She did huddle in a little closer, so that was something.
"Alright, we're good to head out." Glimmer strode back over to the group before mounting her horse. "They have the situation under control here."
Something nudged her back and Adora turned around to find Swift Wind's head directly in her face. "This is what happens when you go off with another noble steed." With all the grace and subtly of a crashing shuttle, he looked pointedly at her sore ankle.
Without releasing Catra, Adora brought an arm up to cradle his head. "Lesson learned, Swifty. It's just you and me from now on, buddy." Melog meowed from beside Catra. "And Melog." Catra cleared her throat. "And Catra." Brick coughed. "And Brick." Sunny sneezed. "And Sunny. So from now on it's just you and me and Melog and Catra and Brick and Sunny."
"Adora," he began seriously, "I don't think I can carry that many people."
She laughed and released Catra so they could both get on their respective mounts. "I don't know. You're still the biggest horse I've ever met." After settling into her saddle, she confirmed everyone else was ready to go before riding off towards Bright Moon Castle.
"A horse? Did you just call me a horse? I'm an alicorn, Adora. Get with it."
"You're an ali–whaty?"
"An alicorn. I'll send you some pamphlets. I can't have you embarrassing me with your ignorance."
"I would hate to do that," she said truthfully, "Send 'em my way and I'll read them." She made a mental note to investigate by herself as well.
Companionable silence descended over the group as they headed down the path. For a few minutes, no one spoke until Sunny said, "You know, Brick, you kinda suck ass as a healer."
"Shut your damn mouth," Brick said.
Adora turned in her saddle to see the tailend of Brick half-heartedly kicking out at Sunny. They both laughed and smiled, but that did nothing to dispel her lurking temper. Anger flared the fire in her chest, the situation supplying it oxygen when it needed to be doused out. "Hey, knock it off!" She yelled, eyes on Brick, "Don't ever speak to her like that again." As soon as the words came out, she regretted every single one. Of course they were just messing around. They were practically teenagers. And neither deserved the pissed off rage she'd aimed at them. Taking out her feelings on anyone, especially a couple of kids, wasn't okay. Time to recover. A joke would do. "Because she's right, Brick. You really got off on the wrong foot when it comes to healing."
"Is that a pun?" Brick asked, "Did she just use a pun on me when I'm emotionally vulnerable? Monster. Not even Catra would do something like that."
"You're right about that," Catra said, "I'd never stoop so low."
"Ouch," Glimmer said. "But to be fair, you deserved that."
"Alright, alright. I get it. Is it Bag on Adora Day?"
"That's actually everyday," Brick said, "And it's a time honoured tradition."
Mara drifted across the path about ten feet in front of them. Her form flickered and then brightened back up every few seconds. Adora watched her disappear into the trees and knew she was meant to follow. "Speaking of Bag on Adora Day," Adora muttered. "I'll see you guys back at the castle." Without waiting for a reply, she nudged Swift Wind into a fast trot and they followed after her.
Why Mara thought now was a good time to meet was simply beyond comprehension. She didn't want to talk to a ghost in the middle of the night on forty-five minutes of sleep and so many bad things compiling the day it made her head spin. But that's not how any of this worked. She was She-Ra and she needed to suck it up. So off they went, into the woods.
It didn't take long to find Mara. She'd gone to a small outcropping of rocks that Adora was familiar with. Her translucent form stood by a boulder, waiting. Adora dismounted about ten feet away, patted Swift Wind on his neck, and approached. "I'm sorry–" They began at the same time. Both stopped and laughed.
"You first," Mara said.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I've kinda been having a bad day, to say the least, and I took it out on you. I should've just talked it out with you. Instead, I made everything worse."
"Thanks. I appreciate that," Mara said, "But I'm the one at fault. I shouldn't have shown up and started accusing you. Especially not in the middle of what you're going through."
Adora looked over at Swift Wind, who waited patiently to take her back to the castle. But some conversations should stay between a woman and her ghostly counterpart. "I'll meet you back at the castle, okay, Swifty?"
"But–" She raised an eyebrow at him, eliciting a sigh. "Fine, but call me if something comes up."
"I will," Adora promised. She watched him trot off before crossing her arms and turning back to Mara. "What do you mean?"
Mara gave her a strange look, she'd been getting a lot of those lately. "With the Horde. With Shadow Weaver. I'm so, so sorry that happened. And that I didn't realize before. If I could've saved you, Adora, I would have."
"I know," Adora said while sitting down on a rock. A maternal warmth bloomed in her chest and she looked up at Mara, her friend, her confidant, and saw her for the young woman she was. "You're the most selfless person I know and you've already done so much for me. You don't need to carry this too."
Mara's face relaxed into relief, and she came to sit next to Adora. They both just sat there for a while, looking at the trees and the stars. Finally, Mara reached out a hand and it was the first touch from her that Adora could actually feel.
It took her a moment but she realized this comfort wasn't just from Mara. Every She-Ra spoke to her now, coalesced around her. In an instant, she lived every last breath, every killing blow. Every realization that they were She-Ra, the sometimes triumph and the sometimes devastation. The loves they acquired and the ones they lost. The crowning battles, where they were sure they'd live forever. Every hardship they'd endured and every moment of fun. Each unique, each so similar. She-Ra was more than just power, she was alive and dead. She lived in Adora and thousands of other people. She was her own person and she wasn't.
This felt more comforting than expected. Especially now. Other people would know, truly know, what she'd been through, what happened to her. People could sit and listen and digest all they wanted but they wouldn't know. But the other She-Ras would. They'd carry her as she carried them.
"You're not alone in this, Adora," Mara said, "Not in what happened, not in what will happen." Not for the first time today, she wondered what exactly had happened. "I'll never talk about the portal again. What's done is done. We're with you all the way."
"Thank you."
Mara put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a friendly squeeze. She smiled and then her form dissipated in the night, leaving Adora alone. This should've been fine but it wasn't. She needed a distraction, someone to talk to or someone to fight. Something had been coming all day. A memory drowned, now somehow surfacing. The touch of hand, the whisper of a few words. All strangled to death and now resuscitating.
The bad thing was that this memory wasn't surfacing fully and she didn't quite know what to think because memories were supposed to be clear and make sense and follow the pattern of a life but that wasn't happening. She needed, needed these memories, these emergences, to fall in line and add more to the story she told herself. She was stolen, made into a soldier, bonded to Catra, indoctrinated against the Princesses, and survived, survived, survived. She'd left and became stronger and she'd learned and she'd gotten better. The story was so neat, so orderly, so perfectly composed, it had a beginning, middle, and end, and it made sense. There were morals, there were lessons that'd been crafted and she needed these memories to do the same because what if the pain didn't mean anything and she'd just been used and she'd been taken advantage of and she hadn't learned anything. What did she do then?
In a strange, parallel universe that looked suspiciously like real life, she'd beaten a tree with her fists so hard that its sap flowed down the bark almost as easily as her own blood. The intermingling of the two created a glossy, red-tinted liquid that caught light in its reflection. She stared at it, confused as to how it happened and how she ended up here.
Adora hoped something would come along and tell her the details but nothing and no one arrived. So she turned and stumbled towards the path, shaky and unsure and on the verge of tears. Luckily she could follow the path back to the castle with little need to think or process.
"Oh Spirits, your hands." The voice made her jump and she looked up to find Catra, Glimmer, Bow, Brick, and Sunny filling the small clearing. So they hadn't gone back to the castle as requested. Huh.
"Adora," Catra said, her voice wavering. She jumped off Melog and ran over towards her. "Your hands. Wha-what happened?" As soon as Catra took her hands, pain shot through her like a lightning bolt. She looked down at them, and wondered if they actually belonged to her. They were mutilated, a bloody mash of flesh. Dark red blood spattered all across them and dripped from her shattered knuckles. Chunks of tissue hung down and the out of place lumps meant she'd broken a fair amount of bones in each hand.
Happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. A particularly riveting bird song. Reyna's hair in the morning. Finn's pale blue eyes. With each thought, lapping warmth washed away the pain from her hands. She watched as her muscles and bones and skin rearranged and fixed themselves until not even a scar was left. "See? Good as new. Everything's fine."
The unmistakable sound of a sword, and then another, being unsheathed rang through the night. Brick and Sunny had their swords out and ready. Some part of her brain took pride in how good their form looked on horseback. "What attacked you, Adora?" Brick asked. His eyes scanned the trees and she could see his hand tensing and untensing around the hilt.
She stood at a crossroads. One option was to tell the truth, utter the words, 'I did it to myself.' Explain how she was remembering and somehow forgetting and that things were rapidly spinning out of her control.
But the far more attractive answer was to lie. By no means would she characterize herself as a liar but she couldn't let them down, roll over and show her belly. Certain expectations hung over her—that she stood as their solid center, that she couldn't be rattled or defeated. Other people were not okay. She was always okay. In fact, she helped people put themselves back together, acting as the support system. She didn't need support, she was the support.
"One of those wolves," Adora began, "It surprised me after I spoke with Mara. Got a hold of me before I could do anything. I punched it until I could summon the sword and deal with it."
"So you got it?" Brick said.
"Ya, I sure did. But we should get out of here in case that brings more over. We don't wanna be caught out here."
Glimmer nodded and said, "You're right, let's get back to the castle. Something feels off and fucked up about the forest. And I do not like it one bit."
Everything sort of felt off and fucked up though. But how did she communicate that? Like a coward, she didn't even try. "After you. I'll bring up the rear. Watch our six."