Author's Note: Y'all, I first want to say that I'm so, so sorry for this huge wait. When I was about half-way done with this chapter, I unfortunately broke my elbow very seriously and had to get surgery. Recovering from that on-top of also doing law school was hellish, and I had to put this fic on the back burner for a while. However, I have not abandoned it by any means! I love this story and I really love interacting with my readers, and I have no plans on abandoning this. In fact, I think I'll be posting chapters much quicker as I'll have more time this summer.
Secondly, this chapter reached about 16,000 words before I decided that it had to be broken up into at least 2 parts. So the good news is that half of the next chapter has been written.
Finally, please enjoy!
Chapter 22: Into the Fire
"Do you want the good news or the bad news?"
Something groaned, possibly herself, as her eyes fluttered open and then slammed back shut as the light burned. So much burned. All the time. She couldn't remember a day she didn't feel it.
"Here," a voice, a familiar one, sounded right by her ear. Then a straw poked into her mouth and she drank deeply. She'd never needed water more in her entire life. Her dry, scratchy throat felt as if it had never once been used to drink. She sputtered, coughed. She should slow down; she didn't.
"Better?" She nodded and then tried to open her eyes again. "Here, I'll get the lights." That voice again. So familiar. But who was it? "Okay, try now." She opened her eyes again, just a sliver, but it was already more manageable in the dim lighting. A tall figure sat down beside her bed and reached out his hand to clasp hers.
"Brick?" She croaked.
"The one and only," he confirmed with a grin, "Everyone else left to take a nap. I should've figured you'd wake up at the most inconvenient time possible."
"I'd hate to make people's lives easier." She struggled to sit up and, surprisingly, did so with relative ease. Pain-free ease. And while that was nice, it was completely wrong. She should be dead or unable to move or reincarnating.
"Clearly," he said, although his tone was unmistakably cheery, "So good news or bad news first?"
"Bad news first. Always."
"We're on Eternia. In another dimension. And getting back home isn't the pleasure cruise we all wanted it to be." He leaned in close. "There's an entire planet of Eternians, and forty of us. Just think about that for a minute."
"No, thank you." She suddenly missed the void. There was little thinking there. And even less injuries.
Brick laughed and then said, "And now the good news. You're alive! And healed. It's as if you were never even stabbed."
"But…how?"
For the first time since she woke up, Brick hesitated. He looked her over, sighed, and said, "It was Evangeline. We were running out of options, Adora. You were fucking dying. Bleeding the fuck out. And then you just stopped responding. One minute you were talking, and the next…Evangeline couldn't heal you, but she figured Eternia might. So we took you through the portal–"
"Portal?"
"Ya, they had one on Inuva. That's how they arrived from Eternia."
"So, that's how they did it…" Adora looked out the window onto a sprawling field. A million miles from home, a whole dimension away. Some tiny part of her deflated with relief. As far as running away went, she couldn't get much better. But the issue with running, she'd discovered much too slow, wasn't the people around her or the places she went. It was the woman in the mirror, it was the shadow she couldn't shake.
"What are you thinking about?" Brick asked.
Adora blinked her melancholic thoughts away, and focused on the young man. "How hungry I am."
Brick laughed and then stood, "Now there's the Adora I know. I'll go find a nurse, and see if we can't figure out something for you to eat."
"Excellent. I'll…lay here, I guess."
"That's probably for the best," he said as he patted her shoulder, "I'll see if I can find Catra or Mom or Dad."
"Alright," she sighed as Brick left the room. Then she was alone with the white walls, with Eternia, with her home or…. her birthplace. She couldn't decide which one this place was.
She closed her eyes, searched. Etheria was always waiting, would it be the same for Eternia? Fire flamed in her stomach, growing steadily, getting greedy. She wasn't wanted, no; she was needed with the desperation of a mother with her dying child, the thirst of a sailor lost at sea. This was not Etheria's light attentiveness, this was a blinding spotlight.
She opened her eyes and gasped. She sucked up air in shuddering wheezes. Eternia hadn't waited for her; it demanded her.
The door flew open, banging against the wall and chipping the paint. It was just Catra in the doorway. But she'd never seen anything better. Catra grinned widely, stupidly, idiotically, and Adora couldn't help but laugh.
"Smiling like an idiot is supposed to be—" Catra moved to the bed and wrapped her arms around Adora's neck in record time. "—my thing," Adora whispered into Catra's soft neck.
She savored the sensation before Catra pulled backwards and interrupted whatever moment was unfolding. "Wha—"
"You supreme dumbass. You utter fucking idiot. What the fuck were you thinking?"
Adora nodded, trying to act like she knew what Catra was referencing. "Well, you see, I was…" She paused and hoped Catra would fill in the details, but her wife left her reaching for words. "I didn't mean to…" She closed her eyes and sorted through her numerous mess ups these past few weeks. "I shouldn't have fought Evangeline in the state I was in," Adora said, settling on the most recent situation.
"You're damn right about that. I'm too old for this, Adora. Can you please think about someone else besides yourself? Your wife?" Her voice settled low, "Our kids? We've had this conversation too many times."
Adora nodded, they had. Selfishness was certainly an insult she'd never received, but, she realized with a sinking heart, not an inaccurate one. She looked out the window, hoping some sign would come to her that would reveal exactly what Catra wanted to hear. The words that would make it alright, but nothing came to her. "Do you think you'd be better off without me?" Adora asked. She opened that wound with precision, with a cut that only a master could handle.
And it showed. Catra's face went from questioning to fear, and back again. Wars were supposed to be won; not linger for a lifetime, not limp on forever. Adora's war was supposed to be won from decades of peace, from a marriage filled with love, from her friend's gentle reassurances, from her kids' admiration. Life was good, life was fine, and she could hardly stand it.
It was that place. It was that woman. They were in an entirely new dimension, and she'd followed Adora here. Strange how ghosts could do that: find her wherever she went. But it wasn't necessarily Shadow Weaver, it was her words, and Adora's own actions that haunted. A sneaking feeling that she was right—Adora was only as good as her ability to swing a sword, her knack for winning. Even with her strength back, she knew how capable her weakness was, how cunning. How she could fall during a fight and bleed out in a minute. What was worse was that burning anger, that bloom of red that she would never shed. Could she be trusted to be She-Ra with that lurking enemy?
She looked back at Catra. So, what was it going to be? Was Catra better off without her? Adora knew the answer and she knew what Catra was going to say. "You know I wouldn't," her wife said so softly that she almost didn't hear. With a remarkably agile move, Catra jumped on the bed and laid against her side. "I would be lost without you." A nice thought, definitely pleasant, but unequivocally false. Still, she appreciated Catra trying.
"My apologies for interrupting," a deep voice rumbled. Adora jerked her head up and tried to stand. "I suggest you sit, Princess." She did as she was told. What were her other options in this strange dimension?
She looked around the room and spotted a man seated by the foot of her bed. He hadn't been there a second earlier. The stranger stared back, his yellow eyes standing out on what would ordinarily be a handsome face. In the dim light of the room, his eyes almost glowed.
The door swung open, and the smiling faces of Brick, Sunny, Glimmer, Bow, and Evangeline tumbled in. There was a collective intake of boisterous air and then an audible exhale as everyone took in the scene—Adora and Catra in bed, a stranger waiting. For a moment, everyone's hands went to their weapons and then straightened by their side. The muscles in Brick's neck strained and Catra shot a look of pure surprise at Adora. Adora stared back, trying to will them to run.
"Sit," the man said, and all followed, "And stay." With jerky movements, her friends sat with tightened jaws and wide eyes. Catra sat rigid beside her, with only the tip of her tail thrashing side-to-side. He commanded against their will then. Adora swallowed and turned back to the man, apparently free from his control. But whether that was intentional on his part or if she could simply avoid his persuasion was beyond her.
He stood, revealing a normal frame and height. He scratched his salt and pepper beard, and moved towards the bed. Despite herself, she shrunk back from his approach and those ageless eyes.
"They said you would be beautiful." He reached out and grabbed Adora's chin before turning her face side-to-side. "And they were right." He stared down at her and did not release her from his iron grip. His hot breath hit her face, and his hand tightened against her face. In any other time, with any other person, she'd jerk away, she'd yell. But this was no common enemy, no downtrodden foot soldier; screaming might be the last thing she ever did. "They say you'll be annihilating," he said, "Let's see if they're right about that, too." He looked at her a moment more before releasing her. Without another word, he turned and maneuvered unhurriedly around the bed. Her friends' frozen bodies stayed perfectly still; only their eyes followed the stranger.
At the door frame he paused and turned back, a slight smile upon his face. "Welcome to Eternia, She-Ra." And then he was gone.
The spell seemingly lifted, Evangeline ran to the door and peered out. Her shoulders tensed as she gripped the doorframe, then relaxed. "He left," she said before muttering something under her breath.
"Who the fuck was that?" Glimmer asked as she flexed her hands and inspected them.
"Sadir," Evangeline said while she turned back around, "God of War."
"I'm sorry, did you just say 'God?'" Brick asked, disbelief leaching out of every syllable.
"I did, young Princling," Evangeline, her face twisting into a scowl, "You have Spirits, we have gods." She looked back towards the door. "Though I haven't seen Sadir in a long time."
"What does some time mean, exactly?" Glimmer asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I've only talked to him once, when I was a girl and just moved Eternia. It all blends together, honestly. Days and days of desperation bleed into another. But I remember him. And I remember those eyes. He wasn't the first god I ever met, but he was the most memorable up to that point."
"So what was it like?" Bow prompted after Evangeline fell silent and seemed unlikely to continue on her own.
"It was all so tame," the Queen said, moving to the window, "He congratulated me on saving Eternia. He commented on my age. Sort of the usual for me at that point in my life. But I'd met Horde Prime already. So I knew the type. He manipulates, he pulls strings, and worst of all, he is always watching. But all the gods are like that. Difference is, he has power. It's always a dangerous game to play with the gods. And it's always a losing one when you fuck around with the most powerful."
"So you're scared of him?" Brick said, causing Adora to cringe.
Evangeline turned sharply and said, "I am. And if you were smart, you would be too." Under her gaze, Brick took a step back and shot a look towards Glimmer, causing her to clench her fists.
Before things could deteriorate any further, Adora said, "Annihilating…What do you think he meant by that?"
Evangeline turned towards her and her expression softened. "It's good to see you up and not bleeding out."
"I have to agree with you there," Adora said. Evangeline closed the distance between them and sat in a chair next to the bed. Beside her, Catra tensed.
"He sees in you what I see in you. Someone who earned the Heart of Etheria, and maybe more importantly, someone who keeps it." Evangeline nodded at Adora's chest, and Adora realized for the first time that her Heart tattoo was visible. She rarely let it show, but her low-cut hospital gown revealed the tattoo's bold, thick black lines. Adora almost expected it to glow, but it remained unchanged.
She looked back up to Evangeline, who was studying her carefully. The Queen pursed her lips into a thin line and then said, "I want you to come with me."
Catra said, "Absolutely not," at the same time Adora said, "Where?" They looked at each other. Normally they operated on the same page, thought the same things. Catra looked just as surprised as Adora felt at the disconnect. But Adora was going to win this one. She had to. She didn't trust Evangeline, but she'd follow her almost anywhere.
"Where?" Adora repeated while standing.
"Wouldn't it be a shame if you came all the way to Eternia and you never got to see your home outside of a hospital bed?"
"Not her home," Brick grumbled. Evangeline made no indication she heard him.
"I suppose I would be disappointed," Adora admitted, causing Evangeline to smile wide.
"Well then, let's go see it, shall we?" She swept her hand out wide. "Eternia has waited a long time for this day."
As they filed out of the hospital bed, Evangeline held the door open. Adora exited last and the Queen caught her arm as she was half way out. "The gods are interested in you. They have been since you were born. Make no mistake, they are coming to see you. Watch your back and don't give an inch," Evangeline whispered.
Before Adora could process, let alone reply, Evangeline hurried to the front of the group, leaving Adora alone and reeling. What did that even mean? They were coming to see her? Hadn't they already with Sadir's appearance?
Suddenly the idea of leaving the hospital room seemed catastrophic. But what could she do now? Everyone was already down the hallway. And what would a hospital room do? Her sinking heart told her everything she needed to know—there was no place on Eternia the gods couldn't find her. Whatever was coming down the road couldn't be stopped by hiding.
When they reached the door outside, Adora paused before stepping into the world. A new world, an old world. What a strange, winding journey she'd been on to only come back to where she was born. A portal out of Eternia, and a portal back in. Was there a lesson to be learned? A message she needed to receive? She looked at the waving grass in the slight breeze, and the bright, multi-colored trees just beyond a rolling field. It all felt…familiar.
"I know it's not quite the Emerald Sea," Evangeline said, "But you're home, Princess Adora. That I know for sure."
"Again, it's not her home," Brick said, this time loudly.
The smile on Evangeline's face fell and she turned towards the young man. She walked towards him until they stood mere inches apart. "What would you know of these things, Prince Brick?" She said softly while smoothing out the material on his shoulders. Brick's Adam's apple bobbed up and down, but he didn't move away. "Have you ever been beaten into submission? Ever wondered if your parents loved you? You can't possibly understand any of this. Maybe this is Adora's home. Maybe she never quite fit in on Etheria because all these years, she's been in the wrong place, with the wrong people."
"I haven't," Adora said, stepping from the castle and onto Eternia. Evangeline turned, her eyes widening as she looked at Adora. "I haven't been in the wrong place. And I've certainly been with the right people."
Silence. She looked around the shocked faces of her friends until it dawned on her that everyone stared at her. Her skin glowed light blue with First Ones'…She shook her head a bit. Not First Ones, but Eternian. And it was Eternian writing covering almost every inch of skin.
Adora took a breath, then she took stock. Her magic was there, but it felt more like a horse grabbing at the bit rather than a patient pool awaiting command. Everything felt charged, from her fists to her feet. She would win every fight like this, god or king.
"How do you feel?" Evangeline called.
"Like I could take on the world and win," Adora said. What a change from only a few days ago. No wound, and no worries. She laughed despite herself. This was how she should always be, not that wounded shadow of herself, not an unshakable burden.
She leapt down the final few steps of the castle and swept Catra up into her arms. A surprised noise quickly turned into a purr as Adora picked her wife up and twirled her. After placing Catra back on the ground, Adora slung an arm around her and laughed. At what, she wasn't quite sure but she just wanted to laugh and laugh.
"I love seeing you like this", Catra whispered before planting a kiss on her cheek.
"Do you feel any different? Like, is there any difference between here and Etheria?" Brick asked.
Adora closed her eyes and began to speak. "Etheria is steady…stable. I call for its power, and it's rarely the other way around. But Eternia is fanning a flame, starting a blaze. I feel more powerful here, but it's far more reckless, more wild." She opened her eyes and surveyed the faces of her friends. "Does that make sense?"
"I guess," Brick said, shrugging.
"Funny you should say fire," Evangeline said as she closed the gap between them before reaching out and taking Adora's free hand, turning it palm up. Her green eyes were kind as she said, "You have the Heart of Etheria, and now you can have the Flame of Eternia."
"Wha–?" Flame ignited on Adora's palm and stayed even as Evangeline withdrew her hand. Adora took her arm from around Catra and cradled the candle-like flame with both hands.
"You're a true Eternian, you know. Everyone born with magic on Eternia can manipulate fire. The talent varies, sure, but fire is the mark of Eternia. The sole uniter."
"What about people who can't use magic?" Catra asked.
"What about them?" Evangeline said flatly.
"They're not really being united by fire, are they?" Catra said, crossing her arms.
"I'd say," Evangeline started as she swung her head towards Catra, "It depends on who you ask."
The two women stared at each other for a moment before Bow cleared his throat. "So…What's it feel like, Adora? The fire, I mean. I don't remember you ever using fire."
"It's so…" She stared at the flame in her palm, which grew steadily larger. There was power in healing, she'd known that since she was twenty. There was also power in destruction, in controlling the uncontrollable, she'd known that since she was six. She-Ra could flatten a building and annihilate an entire army. But that was never her sole purpose or her first choice. Here, it all felt different. Summoning fire felt like breathing. "It feels right. It feels like I've been missing this my whole life."
"Well, you have been," Evangeline pointed out, "If you had fire in the Horde, you wouldn't have had to beat kids to death with your bare hands."
Before a single thought could form, Adora snuffed out the fire in her palm and connected a fist with Evangeline's cheek, causing the Queen to fall backwards and every single Queen's Guard to unsheathe their sword. A fleeting thought, a dangerous thought, ignited—Adora could kill every guard here and not break a sweat.
Then she was back to reality, back to a place where she mastered her power, and not the other way around. She fell to her knees, ready to render any aid necessary to heal Evangeline. But the Queen rubbed at her reddening cheek, and a small smile gave way into good humor and the apology on Adora's lips withered in intensity. "Spirits, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just…There's no excuse. I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Evangeline said, grinning. She climbed to her feet, with Adora following, albeit much more slowly. Once they both stood face-to-face, Evangeline moved her hands up and down both of Adora's upper arms. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Finally, she said, "You're exactly who you need to be."
When they moved back inside, Evangeline left with a promise of an evening feast and dance worthy of Etherian royalty. Then it was just Adora, Catra, Glimmer, Bow, Brick, and Sunny in the hospital room. Adora went to the window, already missing the feel of Eternia's wind and the rustle of the trees.
"What's it like being back now that you've had time to think about it?" Bow asked.
Adora sighed. What was it like? It was an impossible question in some ways. "I've read about people who've lost limbs that can still feel them. Specifically, they can still feel pain in them. I think that's Eternia for me."
"Eternia is your phantom limb?" Brick asked, not even trying to hide the ridicule in his tone.
Ignoring his sarcasm, Adora went on, "I've felt it my whole life, I'm just realizing. It's always been my missing piece, the question in the back of my head. And now I'm here, and I feel…I don't know. But I do know that I missed Eternia my whole life, and I only just realized."
A deep silence settled over the Etherians, one which Adora couldn't be bothered to break. Then, with a soft voice, Bow asked from behind her, "So…about what the Queen said about your childhood…"
There it was. She'd been waiting, wondering how the subject would be broached. She half expected that everyone would pretend like they hadn't heard Evangeline's words. She half wanted that. But it had been said, it had been laid bare: herself, in another life. She felt less connected to her actions in the Horde than she did in her past lives as She-Ra.
She scratched at the windowsill, absentmindedly noting the lack of dust. They couldn't possibly understand, not even Catra, the sort of hate that had grown on her soul like a fungus. The sort that festered into power and rage. She wasn't the heir to the Horde by blood or by accident. She'd earned it, and she'd earned it the Horde's way.
"You wouldn't have liked me in the Horde, Bow." She couldn't say anything else. What was there to say? Yes, I lured a child to a laundry room and beat him half to death? Yes, at the time it felt good?
"Did you really beat someone to death?" Sunny asked, immediately receiving several admonishments from Catra, Bow, and Glimmer. Even Brick got a terse sounding grunt into the mix.
"Of course not, Evangeline is just fucking with her head," Catra said, "Right, Adora?"
Not quite, actually.
"Right, Adora?" Catra said, this time her voice strained slightly.
Without turning, without seeing their faces, their disappointment and their disbelief, Adora murmured, "I didn't mean to, you have to understand. I was just a child, I didn't understand how bad I could hurt someone. And I was just…a mess. I needed someone that I could—" She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. "I needed someone that I could hurt, that I could control, because I had no control over anything else in my life."
This time, she did turn around, and was met with the drained, sickly looking faces of her friends. Catra especially looked like she might puke at any moment. Adora sighed again and made her way to a chair, sitting with an audible groan.
Why was she telling them this? Why didn't she just say this was all in the past, and she'd moved on? They would believe her if she fed them those lies.
"There's no excuse for breaking that boy's face. But that's why I did it. It was my decompression valve when the training grounds just couldn't do it for me anymore."
"Next time you want to murder someone, might I suggest a soothing bubble bath or a walk in nature?" Brick said, causing Adora to laugh despite herself.
"That's the plan these days," Adora said, "But there were no baths or nature trails in the Horde. I had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. And now I know what happens when you back an animal into a corner."
"Did you kill the boy?" Glimmer asked, her tone firm.
Adora scrubbed at her face before saying, "I don't know, honestly. I hope not. I don't think I've ever hoped for anything more in my life."
"When?" Catra demanded, "Where?"
At this, Adora stood and approached her wife. "It wasn't your fault," she said as she took both of Catra's hands in hers, "You couldn't have stopped me."
Catra remained silent.
Adora made eye contact with every person, then said, "I know you're wondering how I could be She-Ra after that, and I have no answers for you. I can hardly believe it myself."
"What our dear Princess Adora fails to realize," Evangeline said at the doorway to their guest room, "Despite me telling her a million times, is that Etheria wants a warrior at the helm and it couldn't have chosen better."
Adora jumped at the sudden intrusion, her heart roaring into unneeded action. Evangeline stood, hip cocked, with one arm leaning against the door frame. The Sword of Light hung from a scabbard on her waist. Her black hair was moved to one shoulder, and her fingers mindlessly drummed against the wall.
"She-Ra isn't the same as all you," Evangeline said, "She's built to kill if she has to. Same as Adora. But isn't that comforting? Your best friend will kill for you. There truly is no greater love."
"Uhhh, what about dying for your friends?" Brick said.
"That's overrated," Evangeline said, "Besides, last time I checked, winning is about killing the other guy, not letting yourself get killed."
"You're really onto something there," Adora said, barely stopping herself from rolling her eyes.
"Well, I'm known for swinging a sword, not my eloquence," Evangeline said, "But no matter how I say the truth, it's still the truth. You killed someone when you were twelve, and proved to Etheria that you were meant to be She-Ra. Don't doubt that for a minute. It wants you all, Adora. From your shiny, morally righteous victories, to your worst, most vicious moments. Find some comfort there."
"I don't think I will," Adora said, folding her arms across her chest.
Evangeline smiled but continued on, "How many people would love you the same, do you think? If they knew everything about you. If they knew about the worst thing you've ever done. If they knew about the worst thing that's ever been done to you. I think—"
"Enough!" Adora yelled, "Say what you came here to say and then leave."
For a moment, Evangeline appeared like she wanted to argue but she relented with a slight bow of her head. "As you wish, Princess. I came to report that the feast is underway and that the festivities will begin at six this evening. Don't be late." With that, the Queen took her leave from the Etherian room.
Adora turned around slowly. Where did they go from here? She wanted to throw-up, to scream and to cry. She wanted to be anyone but herself, have any childhood but her own. Her friends stared, perhaps thinking the same thing. "I'm sorry I'm not the person you thought I was," Adora said. No one replied, so she turned and walked out of the room.
No guard stopped her as she left the castle, no stable hand objected to her orders for a horse. They simply saddled a sturdy looking bay and silently handed the reins over.
Adora mounted and trotted for the nearby forest. Unlike Etherian forests, this one's colors were dull and drab. Few birds sang, and the wind didn't bother to blow. She'd seen these warning signs before, knew them in her bones, but she didn't stop.
She had no idea where to go, but a pull kept her going. Some basic instinct navigated, a feeling telling her right or left, but she did not know this place. But perhaps it knew her. She plunged deeper still.
This forest did not talk. The leaves did not rustle and the wind did not blow. A bird, a brown and black creature that blended with the trees, landed on a tree branch above Adora. It watched her for a moment, cocking its head at her and the horse, before it flew off. That was the first and last animal she saw in the forest.
Mist began to pool at the forest floor and drifted in through the trees. For several minutes, she could still see thirty feet ahead as the mist only swirled at her horse's feet. But the farther she rode, the thicker the mist became and the more it blanketed everything. When she glanced down, she couldn't see her own chest. Her horse snorted but Adora urged the mare on.
After riding for a while, she glanced upwards, only to find a tower rising up from the mist. She rubbed her eyes and gave her cheeks a few slaps. She was seeing things, she had to be. How was a tower in the middle of the forest? But as she looked around, she realized that the mist had cleared slightly and no trees were around. The forest was the thinnest she'd seen so far.
And the tower was still there. For whatever reason, she moved her horse towards it. The thing she searched for, the feeling that made her enter the forest in the first place, told her this was the creature that called.
At the first sign of a building, Adora dismounted and led the mare to a brick wall. An expert hand had laid this brick many years ago by the looks of the vines growing up the dusty wall. She laid a hand on the brick, closed her eyes, and listened.
The scent of blood, sharp and full of iron, filled her nostrils. The feeling of no escape, of being trapped, made her want to run. But another realization hit—there was nowhere to run. And that was by design. Evil crept in some places, but it ruled overtly here. People, adults, rarely came here to help. They wanted vulnerable kids and there was nothing but in these walls. Predatory want and prey-like terror stalked the halls.
She pulled back her hand, opened her eyes, and took a step back. She could sense evil with the kind of mastery only dark magic could gift. And she'd never been anywhere that felt so horrifically oppressive, so full of despair.
She'd been here before, in a dream. This was where Evangeline grew up. No one lived here anymore. But it was not devoid of life. Something had taken root, that much she was sure of.
She tied her snorting, dancing horse to a hitching post and searched for a doorway. In a matter of minutes, she found a boarded up door. It couldn't have been the main entrance because it lacked ornate decoration and soaring features, but it didn't matter. She just needed to get in. With her She-Ra strength, Adora ripped the boards off and swung the groaning door inwards. Several streams of muted light allowed her to see into a grand, sprawling room. She took a few steps in, and took a breath of the stuffy, dusty air.
So this was it? Evangeline's Evil Horde? A dilapidated building that hadn't been used in years. How could it haunt Evangeline so? But these places had power, even in their deaths, even as skeletons.
She moved through the room, and wondered what they used it for. If it was anything like the Horde, they did medal ceremonies and promotions in rooms just like this. She was supposed to have a ceremony in honor of her promotion to Force Captain, but she'd run away to the Whispering Woods before it ever happened. She'd taken the Sword, and she'd lost one half life only to gain another. Maybe that was the secret. If she pooled herself together, pieced the Adora from different decades into one full person, she could say she was more than a device to make Shadow Weaver happy or for Etheria to wield its full power. Something suspiciously like an identity waited at the end of that thought, and she was simply too old to become a person now.
An object in the corner caught her eye and she walked over to it. She should've realized it was piano much sooner, but her mind couldn't accept such a thing of beauty could be here. She ran a finger over the cover, collecting a thick film of dust. She wiped it on her pants and took a seat. She hadn't played since she was a kid, but the muscle memory had never, could never, disappear. She lifted the lid off the keys and ran her hands over them. Out of all the things to leave behind, and they'd left this perfectly wonderful instrument to its early grave. Someone had grabbed up the tapestries and the rugs, maybe even a stained window or two, and they'd passed the piano by. Thinking, probably, that a piano could not lose its grandeur by being left, abandoned. Maybe they thought someone else would come to its rescue—a thief finding the treasure of their life. Surely they had not foreseen this scene. Surely they had not thought it would still be here, years and years later.
Adora tapped at it, causing an off-key, somewhat exhausted note to lift from the instrument's carcass. Despite the poor tuning, she continued to pluck at the keys, pulling together something resembling a melody. The building seemed to soak up the sound; there were no echoes.
"I hate this place, and you're making me miss it," Evangeline said, causing Adora to jerk her hands away from the piano. She followed the voice and saw the Queen sitting at the bottom of a great, ascending staircase about twenty feet away. How had Adora completely missed her?
They stared at each other for a minute, neither seemingly knowing what to do, how to act. Eventually Evangeline stood and made her way across the room towards Adora.
As she watched the other woman approach, Adora asked, "How did you find me here?"
"A little birdy told me," Evangeline said with a smirk before sitting next to her. The Queen looked out over the grimy building and the room's sagging ceiling. She tapped at a few of the piano keys, eliciting a few worn down notes, and then finally looked at Adora. "Strange place, don't you think? I don't know what to do with it. I've entertained thoughts of burning it down, of destroying it with the Sword of Light. That feels kind of poetic, somehow. But I just can't quite bring myself to do it." She scratched at the wooden seat with over bitten nails. Adora watched a tiny bead of blood roll down Evangeline's ring finger. "It hasn't had kids for years. If I'm remembered for nothing else, I want to be remembered for that."
"How did you stop the school? Phase it out or—"
"You know, in hindsight, I probably should have phased it out. But the King wouldn't listen, wouldn't act. So I got tired of waiting and knowing that kids were coming here to have their spirits broken and their magic taken advantage of. I came here one day and that was the final day."
"Did you send the kids home, or something?"
Evangeline smiled. "Sure, eventually. But I went after the staff first. The headmistress, the one you saw whipping me? I nailed her to the door. She was still alive and screaming and begging. I wish I could say I regret it, but it might've been the most therapeutic thing I've ever done."
Suddenly, Adora wanted to be anywhere but here.
"Do you remember that one dream? With the boy and the window and—?"
"I remember," Adora said.
"The woman who was dragging you away? I pushed her out of a window. And the one who pushed the little boy? Well, I beat her so badly that the shield shattered in my hands."
Adora swallowed. How many kids died here? How many were changed forever? She couldn't quite bring herself to find Evangeline revolting. She should look away from the Queen, show her disapproval with a frown, but she held Evangeline's gaze. "Didn't you get in trouble for that?" Adora asked.
"Definitely, but who cares? Yes, the King was mad. He yelled and he threw some stuff, but what was he going to do, really? I could cut through him with a single strike. I could break his neck with one hand. And he might be an asshole, but he wasn't stupid. So nothing really happened."
Adora nodded. She'd felt the same about King Elric.
Silence spanned between them, growing more awkward by the second. Adora had no idea what to say, there wasn't really a rule book on comforting someone about their abusive home.
"You don't have to go back there, you know?"
"Go back where?" Adora said.
"Etheria. You don't have to go back there. You don't have to live in that place that never protected you for eighteen years. You don't have to walk the halls that make you remember when all you want to do is forget. And you don't have to be around people who don't respect your power."
Adora stared past the point of awkwardness. "Are you joking right now? My children are on Etheria. It's my home and it's the only home I've ever known."
"That's my point," Evangeline practically shouted. "Sorry," she said before taking a deep breath, "You can stay on Eternia, and make the home you want, not the one forced on you. You can figure yourself out here, including what you want home to be. You were supposed to be on Eternia, Adora. Maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe you can't heal on Etheria. Stay here, please. Bring your kids and Catra, I don't care. But I think you should stay."
Did she know about the significance of staying? How that very concept had almost destroyed her relationship with Catra? How her inability to stay in the Fright Zone for even one more day had led to a cascade of events she could not shake thirty years later?
Evangeline's open face told her no. She didn't know the power she wielded by pleading that Adora stay.
"Plus," Evangeline continued, "We can figure out the dreams better if we're close together. We could be a team. We could be unstoppable and make the galaxy a better place. Think, Adora. A lot of problems could be solved if you stayed here. Maybe you'd even feel better. Maybe you could rest your mind and soul in a way that Etheria would never let you."
Adora shook her head. "Could you leave behind Eternia as the Imperator? It's the same for me."
"If I could go, I would," Evangeline said, green eyes clear and truthful.
Adora blinked once, twice. Did she hear that right? "You'd give it all away? You'd run?"
"I think so," Evangeline said with a shrug, "I think about it all the time. What if my soul was mine to keep? What if I could die?"
"You will die," Adora pointed out.
"You know what I mean. I'm not my own person. I'll live and die a thousand more times. And I'm tired, Adora. Aren't you?"
"Yes," Adora said, rubbing at her eyes. So very tired.
"It doesn't have to be this way. Join me. Come to Eternia. I know you, Adora. I know how you think and how you hurt. I know that no else understands. So come to Eternia and you'll never be alone again."
She almost said yes. Almost let it slip out. Shame burned her face and she turned to look away from Evangeline. How could she so easily abandon Etheria? Her life there was perfect. She loved her home, and all the people on it. But was love enough?
"Think it over," Evangeline said, patting Adora's knee. "You don't have to decide today. But it's on the table, okay?" Adora nodded, but still refused to look at Evangeline. "Come on, let's get out of here. It's past six already and I'd hate for you to miss the party in your honor."
"It's past six?" Adora said, looking at Evangeline for the first time.
"Yes."
How could that be? She'd only been out here for a few hours at the most. No way she'd spent the last seven hours in the woods and then in this building.
"What's that face for?" Evangeline asked.
"It's just…Nothing. You're right, let's just go."
She followed Evangeline out of the same door she came in. The forest was dark now, but the mist still rolled in silently. "Is it always like this? So…misty?" Adora said.
Evangeline pursed lips, then said, "No, this is new. Well, relatively new. New since when I was a kid."
"Interesting, what changed do you think?"
Instead of answering, Evangeline led them around a corner and over to their horses. A beautiful Palomino stood next to Adora's mare, standing hands higher than Adora's horse. In the dusk and the mist, her shining coat stood out like a beacon, which made sense if she was Evangeline's magical mount.
"And what's your name?" Adora asked, stroking the palomino's velvet nose.
"Did you really just ask Maybelle her name?" Evangeline said.
"What? She doesn't know it?"
Evangeline looked at her strangely before finally saying, "You're so refreshing, you know that?" She paused, tensed her jaw, then said, "If She-Ra doesn't work out, you could be a piano player. I mean, where did you learn how to play like that?"
"Shadow Weaver."
Evangeline tapped her fingers against her thighs, nodding slowly. "Was that her way of saying sorry?"
Was that her…? Maybe. Was her being special actually just some grand apology? And was that supposed to make her feel better or worse? "I've never really thought about it."
"It was an apology," Evangeline said with such conviction that Adora could hardly find it in herself to argue. The Queen swung onto her horse and looked down on her. "That's what they do. They hurt and hurt you until you're about to break. And then it's a piano lesson and extra rations. It's a kind word or a fun game. But no matter what, they always come back for more."
By the time they reached the glittering castle, dusk settled into its fading, but colorful self. A thousand twinkling lights lit up the castle and people, mostly servants, bustled around. Some led groups of well-dressed people towards the entrance while still others stabled horses of all different kinds of breeds.
"You better go find that wife of yours," Evangeline said as she handed over her reins to one of the many servants. "She's been positively distraught since you ran off."
"I can take you to the Etherians, Princess Adora," a servant said. Adora gave her approval and trailed behind the woman. As she moved past groups, they stopped mid-sentence to stare and murmur to each other. They whispered and she heard several "She-Ras" and "Adoras." Cat people, similar to Catra but taller and more muscular, mingled with reptilian folk and avian people. The only common feature throughout the rooms she passed by was the magic. Everyone here possessed some of it, their power ranging from some singular ability to full command over, if she had to guess, several elements. None reached the full magical prowess that Evangeline emitted even casually, but Adora would still be reluctant to face them in battle.
All-in-all, the feast seemed to be in full swing. How Evangeline had managed to gather this many people on such short notice was nothing short of impressive. "How did the Queen do all of this so quickly?" She asked the servant woman.
She glanced back at Adora with pursed lips then gestured to a room. She turned around fully, bowed, but did not make eye contact with Adora. "This is where the other Etherians are, Princess," she said before scurrying away.
Adora watched her go, wondering if her obvious disintegration had driven her off. Without another thought about that, Adora pushed the door open and interrupted Bow mid-sentence. Her friends stared at her and she stared back. She felt it then, the divide that had previously only been by blood, that had previously not mattered. She was Eternian, they were Etherian, and not even fate could have fixed that.
"Adora," Catra croaked out. Red rimmed her wife's eyes, and the fur on her face lay flat from what had no doubt been a flood of tears. Catra crossed the room, the planet, the people, the destiny between them. Adora shook her head. What was she thinking? The only division between them was the wall she built herself. Catra reached up and Adora reached down, and she was an Etherian once more.
They clung onto each other like they were twenty and dying, like they were at the Heart of Etheria and no amount of apologies could turn things around. Adora pressed her face into Catra's neck, breathed her in. Who cared where the blood lines were drawn? Her home was right here.
"You are the person I thought you were," Catra whispered. Adora nodded her thanks against her. "You're not that day. You're not our childhood."
Adora stepped back then. If she wasn't a vicious beating, if she wasn't the broken heir to a bloody crown, then what exactly was she? At what point did things change from being an awful mistake to a conscious desire? "Then who am I?"
"A fucking idiot, that's who," Glimmer said before pulling her into a hug. "Do you know how worried we were?"
Next in line for a hug was Bow, who gave her a comforting pat on the back and relieved sounding, "We're glad you're back."
"Can we just get off this fucking planet?" Brick asked after hugging Adora himself.
"Not before you come to the feast," Evangeline said from the door, hip cocked and one hand resting on her sword's hilt, "Gods know I didn't put this together in a few days just to have you Etherians skip it."
"We'll be out soon," Adora vowed.
"Very well," Evangeline said before disappearing from the doorway.
"How the fuck does she keep doing that?" Brick muttered.
Catra opened her mouth before a flood of servants entered their room. "Let's get you ready," they said while herding her and Catra to the door. In a whirlwind of cloth and chattering, she was shepherded to the hall and then to another room. Servants held up various pieces of clothing, approving some and tossing more.
Before Adora could protest the sudden intrusion and even quicker move to another room, she was being draped with sashes to match the white uniform she'd packed. How they'd gotten a hold of her uniform was yet another mystery.
Above the hustle and bustle, Catra yelled, "Enough! Get out!" Adora turned in time to see her bare her fangs at the group, causing them to leave in a slightly panicked, yet orderly mass. The door swung shut and Adora turned towards her wife.
"What just happened?" Adora said, head still spinning.
Catra swung her head towards Adora, anger dimming but not completely leaving her eyes. "Divide and conquer, that's what."
"What do you mean?"
"They don't want us talking and planning," Catra explained, "They want us separated and moving from one thing to another so quickly we don't have time to think. Keep us off-balance and reeling. Fuck, we need to get out of here."
"Wait, wait. Back up, don't you think you're overreacting a little?"
"Overreacting? Adora, you're underreacting!"
Adora took a step back. She wasn't the enemy here, so why was Catra acting like she was?
"I'm sorry," Catra said, moving closer. Adora stayed put, allowing her to come closer, to speak and not yell. "But don't you see? Evangeline always popping up when we're trying to talk? We haven't gotten time to figure this all out. Actually, we haven't been given the time. We're being outmaneuvered here."
"That seems…I don't know, like a conspiracy. I get it. It's weird being here, in a different dimension, on a different planet." She swallowed. "Without the kids. Spirits, I miss them so much. But maybe that's getting to you."
"It's not in my head, if that's what you're saying. Evangeline isn't stupid. She knows that together we'll start to put all the pieces together."
"What pieces, Catra? There is no game. How could she have planned any of this? She had no idea I was going to get hurt. You're seeing something that's just not here."
"Dammit, why can't you understand what's happening?" Catra said while gripping Adora's upper arms, her nails lightly pricking into Adora's skin. "Something is off here. Maybe I don't have all the details, but she's fucking with you. Getting in your head. Don't let her. And if you can't see it, then please believe me. Trust me."
"I do," Adora said and rested her forehead against her wife's, "I do. But this is my home. I can't leave it so easily. I learned my lesson about leaving things I love." At that, Catra's claws tightened slightly. She pulled back and looked at Adora with furrowed brows.
A moment passed where Adora tried and then failed at guessing what Catra was thinking. "What are you looking for?" Adora asked.
"Do you really love it here? Is it really home?"
Her questions felt like an ice cold dunk in a frozen lake. Was it actually love? Was it actually home? Or was she caught up in the rush of things, in the novelty of it all? "I don't, I guess maybe I spoke too strongly and too soon. But I want to find out. I'll never know if we go back to Etheria now. I want to stay. And the irony is not lost on me. I'm sorry I couldn't stay as a kid, and that I can do it now. But I knew what was going to happen to me if I stayed in the Horde, and I have no idea what's going to happen right now. I'll wonder for the rest of my life what could've been on Eternia."
Catra narrowed her eyes and then asked, "What's the endgame here, Adora? If everything goes perfectly and you get everything you want, what happens?"
Another good question she couldn't answer. Maybe all this confusion could be an acceptable teenage predicament, but finding herself at fifty seemed more ridiculous with every passing second. Under Catra's gaze, she squirmed.
But what a thought, to have everything she wanted, to walk the halls of Bright Moon and be free. A dream, an impossibility, but she craved it all the same.
Adora closed her eyes, and imagined a life with no ghosts. In the mornings, she'd wake up and let the sun warm her star-kissed skin and she'd feel whole. When she looked at other people, she'd run through all the things she loved about them, and not all the obligations she owed. When she looked at her kids, she'd feel a certain excitement for them, excitement of the world, of the life to come. She wouldn't look at them and worry about the million ways one person can ruin another.
"I think…when I wake up everyday, I'll be able to see myself in the mirror and be proud," Adora said, her voice barely above a murmur, "I'll be able to say that I've earned being She-Ra. I'll be with you, and have your admiration. And we'll have the kids and Glimmer and Bow and Brick around. I'll have found steady ground. I'll be pieced back together. I'll be somewhere that I love, where it loves me. I won't think about the Horde every single day. I just…I don't know if I can do any of that on Etheria. I'm so–"
"Fucked up?" Evangeline said. Both her and Catra whipped around to find the Queen standing by the fireplace, stoking a small fire.
Adora grabbed Catra's wrist. She'd yelled earlier, who knew what she could do now. And it wouldn't be close. That was the thing. Catra could fly into a rage all she wanted, but that didn't change the outcome. Evangeline would kill her, with a sword, with her fists, with her magic. Did it matter how when it ended all the same? "Spirits, can't you give us five fucking minutes to ourselves?" Catra growled.
"Not when you're both the guests of honor and a whole planet is waiting for you. There will be time to talk, I promise, but people are getting impatient. They want to see the Lost Imperator. They want you to tell them that you never meant to leave. You were their champion before I ever was, and they need you now."
"These people are fine," Catra said, "They can wait ten fucking minutes. They waited fifty years for her already. Surely there's some finger food to keep them occupied."
Evangeline laughed at that before making her way over to them, smirk firmly in place. "As I offered to Princess Adora earlier, you're both welcome to stay on Eternia. Your kids are welcome as well, of course. I'm sure the planet would be delighted if you stayed, as would I."
"You two discussed staying on Eternia?" Catra asked, her eyes shifting between Adora and the Queen.
"How could we not when Etheria is clearly ruining Adora? She doesn't have to hide here. She can rest."
"Hide? How is she hiding?" Catra said.
Evangeline shook her head, then said, "Are you blind? Or are you not paying attention on purpose?"
Catra stepped toward Evangeline but Adora stopped her from going any further with her iron-clad grip. "You don't know a fucking thing about Adora."
"Funny," Evangeline said, "I could say the same about you."
Adora pulled Catra into her chest. She saw how it could unfold. Catra's flash of anger, and Evangeline's faster reaction. And then what? Adora would be faster still, and strike down Evangeline. She could fight and she could heal, but she couldn't bring someone back from the dead. So Catra would still be dead and Adora would still be forty-eight and she'd still have years to live without her. How easy it could all change. She held Catra tighter.
"I think it's best if you leave," Adora told Evangeline. The other woman stared at Adora for a second before bowing slowly and leaving the room.
Adora held her wife for several silent minutes. She'd let Catra start, let her take the lead. Finally, she pulled back from Adora and looked up at her. "The thing I hate the most is that she's right."
Adora blinked once, twice. "What?"
"I don't know you. I have no idea what's going on with you! I know you're not alright, maybe you never have been. And I don't know why. Because you don't talk to me."
"Catra…" She couldn't find her footing or her words in this conversation. "I do the best I can. And I know my best isn't good enough. But I'm trying."
"You do it with her," Catra said, folding her arms, "She seems to know everything about you. Clearly, you've discussed coming to live on Eternia. I mean, have you lost your mind? We cannot live here!"
"I never said we would!" Adora said. A flash of anger, of defiance, of something both familiar and disturbingly new, bloomed in her chest. "But would it be so bad? With the forest and—"
"I'm not having this conversation with you. I can't believe you'd leave our home, just like that. It's so typical of you."
What? How could she say that? How could Catra look Adora in the eyes, with their childhood looming so large, with Adora's heart so firmly in her hands? They hadn't gone for the jugular in decades.
Adora took a shaky step back, then another. The look on Catra's face was one of shock, as if she'd been surprised by her own words. Well, Adora decided, if she was so good at leaving she'd do it again. She turned and strode to the door, ignoring Catra's call for her to return.
Not knowing what else to do, she followed the roar of the feast down a hall made of red brick. Laughter and music and light danced through a doorway and she moved towards it. She stepped through the door and stood at the top of a twisting staircase. She looked out over the crowd who, one-by-one, stopped talking as they noticed her. Hundreds of eyes stared at her as the room's conversations sputtered out. A collective breath was taken and then held.
She'd done this all wrong, came in the wrong door, or was wearing the wrong thing, or something else entirely. She pivoted quickly and turned back towards safety. It wasn't too late to run away.
As Adora fled, a hand caught her shoulder and she turned to find Evangeline with a hesitant smile painted across her face. She held Adora's shoulder and searched. Adora knew, without a doubt, that Evangeline would let her go if that's what she needed.
But for some reason she didn't run. She turned and then glanced at the Queen, who gave her a slight nod. Whatever it was that she needed from Evangeline, whether it was validation or some reassurance, she got with that one look. Adora lifted her chin and surveyed the crowd. Were these her people?
"Announcing Princess Adora, Lord Commander of the Etherian Military, She-Ra of Etheria, and the Lost Imperator."
A pause and then eruption. The crowd cheered and clapped and somehow kept going. She hadn't been greeted like this since the war. Something swelled in her chest that she'd long forgotten. Something like pride. Something like hope.