Episode #7:
Hot Competition
A little bit later, Ryoga had the others gathered in the dojo and had the equipment ready.
"Barehanded techniques aren't allowed in Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics," he explained. "The only way to master the techniques is to practice."
So he immediately got into a fighting stance and whirled the ribbon. "Are you ready?!" he called.
"As much as I can be!" Ranma shot back, as she lunged into action. "Bring it on!"
"Come at me, from any dir—" Ryoga shouted, before…
WHOMP!
…he got knocked on his ass from a foot to the face.
"All too eas—" Ranma smirked before she got yanked off her feet by the ribbon, held by Ryoga.
YEE-OINK!
"Use the tools, dammit!" the bandana-clad boy shouted. "What are you, an animal?!"
"Ryoga, you do not want to go there," said Ranma. "Especially because of what I know about you!"
"Hey! Hush up, would you?!" Ryoga hissed through his teeth, trying to shush his pink-haired rival.
"MAKE me, bacon bit!" Ranma shot back.
"Grrr!" the lost boy growled while swiping furiously with his ribbon. Of course, Ranma dodged and retaliated by blocking with her own ribbon. As their weapons clashed, they wrote out insulting names for each other in the ribbons.
KISS-ASS
SQUEALER
TRANSVESTITE
UNGRATEFUL BRAT
DIRECTIONLESS
FREAK OF NATURE
Kenma looked between them both. "As fun as it is watching you two tear into each other, I'm bored and hungry," he remarked. "And I'm gonna go remedy that."
As he got up and left the room, Akane stayed behind to watch. "You're pretty good at this, Ranma," she commented.
"Right?" the pinkette smirked coolly. "I wasn't just sittin' with my thumb up my ass for the past wee—"
WHAM!
A ball streaked across the room and hit her smack in the face, courtesy of Ryoga.
"Izzat all you got?!" the ponytailed fighter snapped, clutching her nose.
"Are you alright, Ranma?" asked Akane.
"Just go to bed, Akane," instructed Ranma. "In the meantime, I can get more in tune with the lessons."
And teach Ryoga a lesson for bruisin' this beautiful face, too!
"No way, I can't do that!" Akane replied.
The pinkette turned to the short-haired girl. "Why? Getting worried for my sake?" she asked.
"It isn't like that at all, I just want to be sure you'll get it right," Akane replied.
Sliding over like the business was risky, Ryoga drove his elbow into Ranma's skull.
"Akane, just head upstairs and get your 40 winks," he insisted. "I'll make sure Ranma learns my secret techniques properly~"
Surprisingly, this was enough to convince Akane, and she headed upstairs.
Well, if he fights like THIS, there's no way he can lose, she thought to herself as she brushed her teeth.
But as she settled into bed, a thought occurred to her.
"You know, I wonder where Wilbur could be…" she mused.
"This is something I happened to overhear," Ryoga sneered. "If you lose the match, then you'll have to start dating Kodachi…"
[See, the reason we changed the phrasing is to make it more accurate. You see, the original says that Ranma "promised" he would date Kodachi if he lost. But, here's the thing—he never made any such promise. This is just Ryoga twisting shit to suit his perspective.]
Ranma boredly bounced the ball. "What's your point?" she asked.
"My point is…" Ryoga retorted, using the ribbon to snatch the ball back. "...your relationship with Akane will be finished, kaput, out to pasture, gone the way of Old Yeller! And so, in light of that information—you're gonna lose, Ranma, and you're going to like it!"
"You're makin' a lot of fuss over Akane," said Ranma. "Especially since you didn't seem too focused on her earlier!"
Ryoga squinted. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"For one, you seemed a little more focused on Kenma!" Ranma replied, making Ryoga look sheepish. "Now I wonder why THAT could be!"
"I...I don't know WHAT you're talking about!" Ryoga declared. "Besides, I'm doing this to get in Akane's good graces, nothing more!"
"Izzat right?" Ranma retorted. "Well, I mean with that kind of logic, who can really say—oh, no! Kenma just got a splinter!"
"WHERE?!" Ryoga exclaimed, pulling out a pair of tweezers.
"A-HA!" Ranma exclaimed.
"In that case, I'll have to make sure you don't tell a soul!" Ryoga vowed. "And that means I'll hafta break every bone in your body before the match!"
"You can TRY!" Ranma shot back as she grabbed some clubs and a ribbon.
And so as the fists flew, Kenma eventually returned with a sleeping bag, some comic books, and at least three different snack bags.
"Well, at least they're not holding back against each other…" he commented. "Wish I could join in, too…but you know how it is. Warrior's honor says it has to be 1-on-1."
"You want some of this?" Ranma said as she threw a volley of clubs at Ryoga.
"No, but how about I trade in some of these?!" Ryoga retorted as he threw a bunch of hula hoops at her. Ranma flipped out of the way and tossed two hoops back at Ryoga, who dodged the clubs which had been thrown at him.
"I just bet you'll like this!" Ranma shot back, as she began lobbing balls at her opponent.
Eventually, Kenma grew bored of eating his snack. "These really aren't very filling…I need a meal!" he muttered as he got up and went to the house phone, then punched in a number.
"Hello, this is Pizzeria Turbo, how may I help you?"
"Yeah, I'd like two large pizzas delivered to the Tendo house," Kenma replied. "One half-chicken with extra cheese and sauce, and another that's half pepperoni."
"OK, we'll be there in a half hour," said the man on the phone. "How will you be paying?"
"Debit card," replied Kenma. "And the name is Kuno Tatewaki, ordering a sumptuous pie for himself and another for his dearest pigtailed beauty."
So once Kenma gave them the card number, he hung up.
"...what?" he asked the readers. "I've seen his wallet, he's got like 10 of these. He's not gonna miss one."
[Don't try this at home, kids! I know you aren't stupid enough to, but please, don't. Wouldn't want any of our loyal fanbase to end up in jail for this.]
So while Kenma waited for his pizzas and read his comics, Ranma and Ryoga continued their brawl. And for his trouble, he went to sleep with a full stomach, having consumed four out of the 8 slices, while leaving the rest for Ranma.
AND SO, THE VERY NEXT DAY…
Akane woke up, feeling particularly refreshed.
"Ahhhh…slept like a log, and today couldn't be better!" she beamed as she gazed out the window. It was the kind of day where birds would be seen in nearby nests, chirping, and if you reached out a finger, they might land upon it.
But before Akane could even consider qualifying for the next Disney Princess, she heard a loud CRASH from downstairs.
As well as a BONK! KLANG! SMASH! ZWING! BONNNN~G!
Making her way to the dojo, Akane almost tripped over the sleeping Kenma, but she got a good look at what was going on.
A very sleep-deprived Ranma was jumping up and down, mashing into Ryoga's back.
"Take this! And these! You had enough yet?!" she shouted.
"NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!" roared Ryoga. "I'm just getting warmed up!"
"Have you been at this all night?!" Akane sputtered.
Ranma rubbed her eyes. "Whuh? M-mornin' already?" she asked, looking outside, at the rays of light stretching inside.
Kenma woke up and gave a yawn. "Hoo-wee, now THAT was a good night's sleep!" he exclaimed happily before he pinched his nose and popped out his earplugs.
"Are you sure you can even function like this?" Akane asked, concerned.
"Yeah, it's fine," Kenma's older sister said, slurring her words. "It's fine."
A few minutes later, everyone gathered around the table for breakfast. Of course, due to how tired she was, Ranma was currently munching on a dish towel.
"Kashumi, thish fish cake's awful tough…" she muttered.
"That's because it's a dish towel, dear," Kasumi stated.
…THIS is my replacement? Akane thought, her hopes of Ranma succeeding rapidly going out the window.
Later, at St. Bacchus High School…
"So this is your….substitution?" Kodachi asked, curious.
"Yes, I injured myself," nodded Akane, before she gestured to Ranma. "This girl will take my place."
"I see," the elite gymnast said while she observed Ranma. This might be easier than I thought…
"I remember you! The girl from a week or so ago…" she noted.
"Huh?" Ranma asked. "Y-yeah…thas's me…" she yawned. "Yer that…Red Dandelion, ain'tcha?"
Kodachi's eye twitched. "Black…Rose…" she hissed as she reached out to Ranma. "Let's do our best, shall we?" she asked.
"Yeah, totally," the ponytailed girl was about to shake her opponent's hand, before Kenma stopped her.
"Just a second!" he exclaimed, before pulling a magnifying glass from his Kibaranger jacket. "Take a closer look!"
Putting the magnifying glass over Kodachi's hand revealed the presence of very sharp thumbtacks hidden between her fingers.
"Goodness, how did those get there?" asked Kodachi, feigning innocence. The audacity of this bitch.
Shortly afterwards, the trio headed to a dressing room for the Furinkan gymnasts. As Ranma opened the door, Akane's eye twitched as though she was sensing something.
"Ranma! Look out!" she exclaimed, shoving her out of the way—as a cinderblock fell and slammed right on her head.
THOOM!
…the second it made an impact, it began to crack into pieces, leaving behind a massive lump on Akane's head.
"I…really…dislike…that girl…" the short-haired bluenette remarked.
The resulting shove had pushed Ranma into a nearby wall…but it had at least given her a burst of energy.
"Well, that woke me up…" she grunted, rubbing her head. Getting to her feet, she and Akane saw a bouquet of black roses on a nearby desk. Inside them was a card.
Good luck, from the Black Rose, it read.
"Gee, a beautiful bouquet, just for you!" Kenma remarked, clasping his hands together in a lovestruck manner. "Gosh, I wonder who it could be from~!"
Taking one of the roses, Akane dipped it into a nearby fish tank. Within seconds, the fish were sound asleep [which is weird, because I wasn't aware that fish could sleep].
"Must've been sleeping powder…" Akane commented. "Good luck, my left foot!"
Outside the school, there came another visitor.
"Are you saying this really IS St. Bacchus High School?" Ryoga asked some nearby girls.
"...yes…" one of them replied.
Ryoga's whole body began to quiver with joy, while the two girls left the area. "That means…I made it all the way here, without getting lost!" he exclaimed. In spite of my terrible sense of direction, something was guiding me here!
It was the shining stars known as Akane…and Kenma! Oh, bless you both!
"No time to get all emotional," he declared. "I've got a mission, and that's to sabotage Ranma's—"
SPLOOSH!
Exit Ryoga, re-enter Wilbur. And the aforementioned pig was squealing angrily at whoever it was that had gotten him all drenched. It didn't take long before he was surrounded by a horde of squeeing, cooing fangirls who proceeded to cuddle and cradle him.
The cradling ceased when he was plucked up by Kodachi, who stared him down. As she did, a wicked idea filled her brain—but then again, it's full of only wicked ideas.
"This little piggy is going to be a very big help," she smirked, chuckling evilly to herself.
"To the 10,000,000 Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics fans across Japan, thanks for tuning in—because the fun is about to begin!" declared Ichiro on his microphone. "The match to settle the score between Furinkan High and St. Bacchus's School for Girls is about to begin!"
One by one, row after row of spotlights shone on the center ring.
"We ask you all to direct your eyes to the center ramps, and if you're gonna use your phones during the match, just keep it to video, okay? We don't need any flashes distracting the competitors!" Ichiro continued. "The school representatives are entering the ring!"
In came Kodachi, dressed in a purple robe, flanked by one of her cronies.
"The first to enter the ring is the Black Rose, Kodachi Kuno!" Ichiro announced. "Every rose has its thorns, but I wouldn't mind risking my fingers to pick her! She's like some kind of war goddess!"
And at the other end of the ring was Akane, Ranma, and Kenma, but the latter was dressed like Burgess Meredith's character from Rocky, with the addition of a jacket that resembled the armor of Kibaranger from Gosei Sentai Dairanger, with the addition of a white tiger design on the back.
"And in the other corner, here comes the fighter from Furinkan High!" Ichiro exclaimed as his cameraman focused on them. "Y'see, their player was injured and requested a last-second replacement, so the school will be represented by the beautiful girl of mystery who's stepping into the ring! The crowd is going NUTS, chanting Kodachi's name, and hell, I can't even fault them! The mystery girl shows incredible laser-focus, even while competing away from home! That's just how ya know it's gonna be a thrill-a-minute explosion!"
Kenma flashed the V-sign to the camera, and stuck out his tongue as he followed the girls towards the ring.
As Kodachi made her way up, she stopped by the stands. "Well, if it isn't my dear older brother," she observed.
Indeed, Tatewaki was seated in the stands. "Good morrow, sister," he responded.
"Any fleeting advice for me before I achieve glorious victory?" Kodachi asked.
"Just this: I would most heartily counsel thee against the slaying of any soul," Tatewaki responded. "...verily, we could not bear yet another suit at law."
As Kodachi went on her way, the fangirls seated on her side each eyed her brother.
"That's Kodachi's brother?!"
"He's a total hunk!"
"Heartthrob city, population of one~!"
The boys of Furinkan, of course, knew better.
"Guess it's true what they say," one of them commented. "Ignorance is bliss."
"That's fer damn sure," another agreed.
"In the red corner…" the referee exclaimed as the black-haired girl tossed off her robe, and it exploded into a shower of rose petals. "...Kodachi Kuno!"
As Kodachi waved with a black rose clutched in her lips, she chuckled to herself at the delight of the crowd.
"And in the blue corner—" the ref continued, before she stopped. "Sorry, kid, what's yer name again?"
Ranma was in the middle of stretching. "Ranma Saotome, obviously."
"EXCUSE ME!" Kenma called, waving his arms. "JUST A SECOND, PLEASE! We gotta talk stra-gedy, kid!"
Grabbing Ranma by the ponytail, he pulled her off to the side.
"Ow!" she cried. "Hey, not so hard!"
"Are you stupid or somethin'?" Kenma hissed through his teeth. "You can't go by your actual name in your girl form!"
"Huh?" his sister exclaimed before thinking about all the ramifications of using her real name. "Oh, shit! You're right!"
"No duh I'm right," Kenma said. "If you use your real name, they're gonna think you got some connection to the guy Ranma. And when guy Ranma comes around, they'll be pestering you over what your connection could be!"
"Alright, alright!" Ranma waved him off. "So what do I go by?"
"Hmm…hmm….Ran-KO!" Kenma exclaimed. "We can just say you're our sister!"
"Ya know what, that could work," Ranma said with a snap of her fingers.
Kenma nodded with a confident smirk. "We're a hell of a team, you an' I," he declared as his nose briefly elongated. "I'm the brains, you're the brawn…but you got some brain, too—ya just don't use it too often!"
[For a visual reference, think of tengu. Because that's what this is referencing.]
"Sure, sure, Mister Brains," Ranma responded. "Now let's get back to the action!"
And so they returned, while Ranma re-entered the ring.
"Now…your name, please?" the referee asked.
"Sure!" nodded Ranma. "Ranko Saotome."
"Thank you," the referee said before announcing to the crowd. "Representing the Furinkan High Rhythmic Gymnastics team, Ranko Saotome!"
Springing off the ropes, Ranma tumbled through the air before she landed on her tippy-toes and spread her hands out. "Ta-da!" she exclaimed, to the delight of Furinkan.
"Saotome…?" Kodachi hissed.
"SAOTOME?!" Kuno thundered.
Of course, Ranma couldn't hear the discourse between the twins due to both the noise of the crowd and all the attention she was getting. She then decided to wow the audiences even more by showing off her finely-toned muscles. To be specific, she performed a front double bicep, a rear lat spread, a side chest, and the ever-popular crab pose.
"What some people call vanity…" she smirked. "...others call confidence~!"
And thus, the crowd cheered even more.
"The indignity of it all…" hissed Kodachi. "Such a name is positively repugnant when applied to a girl, but when it is adorned by a boy, it's heavenly!"
Tatewaki, however, had a different opinion altogether. "Such a magnificent specimen of womanhood!" he declared. "Her beauty, and her brawn! And her name, Ranko Saotome! Quickly, I must prepare the ink, lest I forget!"
And he pulled out a large quill feather and an inkwell, and began preparing it. Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip.
"Alright, contestants to the middle of the ring," the ref commanded, and both competitors went to the center of the ring. "And now, shake hands."
As Ranma reached out, Kodachi suddenly pointed skyward. "Oh my word, what on earth is that?!" she exclaimed.
"What?!" Ranma asked, looking up. And then…
Click-click.
"Hah! First rule, never let your guard down," smirked Kodachi.
Ranma rubbed her eyes and glanced down at her wrist. Attached was a cuff and chain…and at the end of it was Wilbur, squealing and snorting furiously.
"Oh, it's you," the ponytailed girl said with a blank expression. "You just live to trip me up, don't you?"
The piglet responded with a flurry of angry squeals.
"Yeah, same to ya," Ranma sarcastically replied. "Oopid-stay ittle-lay acon-bay it-bay."
The pig squealed back something that would've definitely been laden with profanity if he was human.
DING! went the bell.
"The ring of the bell has been drowned out by the crowd's deafening roar!" Ichiro continued. "This single-round, no-holds-barred match has now begun! This commentary is brought to you by the team you've come to love, Furinkan High's Broadcast Club, featuring Ichiro, a name synonymous with quality broadcasting!"
"Neither contender can strike with their bare hands, and it will end only when one of them is knocked out for good," Ichiro read off the rules, while Kodachi was twirling her clubs. "Should you fall from the ring, you will be immediately disqualified…"
"OK, Ryoga—you cross me in this match, and I'm havin' ham tonight," hissed Ranma.
I really hate beating up girls, she thought, before she twirled her ribbon. "I'll push you outta the ring before you get hurt!" she shouted…right before Kodachi blocked it with her rope.
"Ohohohohoho~!" she chortled. "How considerate of you~!"
"Whoa, now THAT'S one helluva rope maneuver!" Ichiro exclaimed. "But I suppose that's just par for the course when you tangle with the flower of Martial-Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics! She handles it as though it was some kind of rod!"
As Kodachi swung her rope, Ranma jumped backwards…and then Wilbur immediately began running around her so as to wrap her in the chains.
Oh, that's it, Ranma thought. You are SO ending up as chitlins!
KLONK.
Glancing up from where she'd been bopped in the noodle, she saw Kodachi clutching a ramrod-straight rope.
"Well, cover me in feathers and call me a peacock!" exclaimed Ichiro. "It was a rod!"
"Hey, what's the deal, ref?" Kenma called. "That's GOTTA be against the rules!"
The referee shrugged. "As long as it's not bare-handed, then it's fine," she replied.
"What?! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Akane snapped.
Kenma gave a nod. "Wouldn't you know it—we agree on something!" he replied.
"Uhp, Kodachi is switching to the club now," observed Ichiro as the events he described were taking place. "She unleashes a flurry of strikes!"
Ranma, despite having a pig on her shoulder, and being tied up in chains, had to do what she could to dodge blow after blow from Kodachi's clubs. As she darted her head back, she briefly saw spikes emerging from within the club, and retracting after a couple of seconds.
"Spikes came out from the tip?!" exclaimed Akane.
"That's a goddamn foul!" Kenma blurted, waving his fists furiously.
As Kodachi withdrew, the referee took a look. "I'm not seeing any spikes," she noted.
"Either the ump's blind, or she's been paid off," Kenma commented.
In the audience, Tatewaki continued his observation. "I see…the Sea Urchin Special, MK-1. What magnificent cowardice," he spoke. "If I may say so about my own sister."
"I do it all in the pursuit of courting my dearest darling Ranma Saotome!" Kodachi declared, her thoughts shifting to a complete and utter fantasy of her and her so-called 'beloved' in a tender embrace. "Oh, how inspiring the lengths to which I'll go! I personally think my methods are quite admirable~!"
"OH, GIVE US A BIG, FAT BREAK!" Akane and Kenma blared.
"I keep telling you, there's no chance..." Ranma began as she jumped into the air, and sailed towards Kodachi. "..of me EVER going out with you!"
From how she was positioned, she slammed Wilbur right into her face as she made a landing.
Three gymnasts raised their flags. "Pig, legal!" they chorused.
"Ranko Saotome executes a perfect pig attack!" exclaimed Ichiro. "Its use as a tool has been approved!"
Kodachi got to her feet and picked up some clubs. "Who said anything about dating YOU?" she scoffed.
"Well, if you lose, you gotta promise you'll quit pestering Ranma Saotome," Ranma declared. "You got that?"
Kodachi ceased the twirling of clubs and glowered. "And who exactly are you when it comes to my Lord Ranma...?" she inquired.
"Well, do you agree or not?!" Ranma spat, as Kodachi approached her, rubbing her chin curiously. "H-hey! What's with you?"
"So...you must be enamoured with Lord Ranma as well," Kodachi mused. "It's all so crystal clear—that's why you interfere!"
Ranma's face went red. "HE'S MY OLDER BROTHER, YOU DAFFY BROAD!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.
"Then perhaps you ought to let your brother decide for himself, you nosy little girl!" replied Kodachi. "For this, I shall teach you a lesson!"
And so she began fiercely jabbing at Ranma, who used her chain to block the club from putting an unwanted new set of holes in her face.
"I talked with him," Ranma declared. "And he said HE'S GOT NO INTEREST IN BUBBLE-HEADED LOONIES LIKE YOU!"
"Hah! You can do better than THAT!" Kodachi chortled, before turning to the right. "HOOP!" she demanded.
"On it!" someone said, tossing her a pink-and-white hoop.
"An insolent young pup like yourself does not DESERVE to speak my beloved's name," Kodachi declared, as she threw it. "Fall back, and accept your judgement from the Black Rose!"
The hoop whirled towards Ranma, who jumped out of the way—and it's a good thing she did, too, because it sliced through one of the ring's poles, like a hot knife through butter.
Kenma's eyes widened in horror at what could've just happened.
This girl…really IS certified crazy! "Big br—er, sis! Get outta there!" he called.
"What do ya think I'm tryin' to do?" Ranko said as she fell towards the ring.
As Ranma began to plummet, Kodachi's ribbon whirled skyward, but luckily Ranma dodged and landed in the ring.
"Looks like Saotome narrowly avoided one seriously nasty haircut!" Ichiro exclaimed. "But our goddess of war is FAR from finished! As she flings another hoop, Ranma dodges it like an expert with a stag jump, stacked on top of an open leg jump! Fantastic defense AND offense!"
Ranma landed on the ropes, managing to stay balanced.
"Ranma!" Akane called as she threw her some clubs.
Ranma nodded, before she faced Kodachi. "If I can't TALK ya down..." she said, spinning the clubs like nunchaku. "...I'll have to BEAT ya down!"
The crowd, for lack of a better word, was positively stunned.
"Whoa, awesome!" exclaimed one spectator.
"She's handling those clubs like nunchuks!" another chirped.
Kenma nodded with a smile. "She learned that from me," he beamed.
"How hilarious!" Kodachi beamed. "I suppose I have no choice..."
"If you're gonna do it, then DO it, Pink Chrysanthemum!" called Ranma.
Kodachi seethed, and clenched her fists. "...alright, then. Face my Thousand-Armed Club Attack!" she declared, spinning her arms. "...AT FULL FRENZY!"
Immediately, she started jabbing the clubs at Ranma, who was doing her damndest to block each blow.
"The War Goddess prevails—she's been with us all along!" Ichiro exclaimed. "It's her Thousand-Armed Blow! In her hands, a single club looks like a dozen, maybe even TWO dozen!"
In the stands, everyone from St. Bacchus was cheering wildly.
"Ranma! Heads up!" Kenma exclaimed as he tossed in a ball. Leaping into the air, Ranma wound up and spiked it, knocking the clubs from Kodachi's hand.
"Unbelievable!" blared Ichiro. "She really WAS handling 20 clubs at once! It may be fighting dirty, but DAMN if it's not impressive!"
"There's more where THAT came from," Kodachi said as she sprang into the air. "The heart of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics is its infinite use of tools!"
Ranma watched as Kodachi hit the ground, and used her ribbon to shoot from the ring and grab the challenge bell, before flinging it towards her opponent!
"Ryoga, time to take one for the team!" Ranma called, as she held up Wilbur, who took the full brunt of the bell.
DINNNNNG!
"A deadly bell attack! But Ranko parries with a pig!" Ichiro observed. "That little guy's ears have GOT to be ringing after that maneuver!"
Wilbur let off a series of angry grunts and squeals.
"Oh, so now you're mad?" asked Ranma through clenched teeth. "Moral of the story: play stupid games, win stupid prizes!"
Of course, it was back to dodging when she narrowly avoided getting hit with a chair that was thrown at her.
"So that's how ya wanna play, huh?" Ranma asked, lashing her ribbon out and grabbing a table, then reeling it back in.
"Unbelievable! She's grabbed the announcer's table!" Ichiro exclaimed, as his crew were now holding their supplies by hand. "The desk dances in the air, as if a Tosa angler catching a bonito with one line!"
Kodachi retaliated by using her ribbon to lash out and grab...her brother, right out of his seat, and lash him towards the table.
"Undaunted, Kodachi wraps up and reels in her brother!" Ichiro exclaimed.
Right before Kuno could retaliate, he collided head-on with the table.
"Naturally, any biological brother is considered a tool," Ichiro observed. "And we here at Furinkan think Kuno is the BIGGEST tool we've ever met! We are now existing in a lawless hellscape, folks! Or maybe the proper term would be a battle wonderland!"
All manner of things were being tossed at either side, willy-nilly, and Akane and Kenma were left to watch in silent bemusement.
"...this is so stupid..." Kenma remarked.
Akane said nothing, just patting him on the shoulder.
Suddenly, a familiar panda slid into frame, holding a kettle, and two teacups.
"Mr. Saotome!" remarked Akane.
Kenma rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure EVERYONE was eager to know where you were until now..." he scoffed.
The panda offered Akane a cup.
"This is no time to be sipping tea!" Akane retorted.
"Yeah! This fight's going on with no end in sight!" Kenma groaned.
"You ARE a tenacious sort, aren't you?" Kodachi asked, her eyes roving around for anything she could snag up from outside the ring. "Such determination requires...drastic measures!"
Her eyes landed on the teakettle that Genma had brought, and within seconds, her ribbon had snagged it and pulled it into the ring.
"Even a cockroach wouldn't want THIS!" she declared. "Boiling Water Barrage!"
As Kodachi started pouring, Ranma frantically skittered back into a corner.
"It's only natural, really...I wouldn't want to touch THAT hot water, either!" Ichiro commented.
Kodachi chortled. "I see you didn't enjoy that very much, did you?" she called.
Ranma winced at the steam. If I turn back into a guy dressed like THIS… she thought, but she didn't dare finish that sentence. It was just too horrible to think about.
"YER NOT GONNA SPLASH ME!" she shouted as she leapt into the air.
"Saotome has escaped into the air, but Kodachi is RELENTLESS!" Ichiro transcribed, as the kettle was whisked higher into the air.
"Foolish girl, Did you REALLY believe you could escape me?" she called, spraying its contents into the air, right below Ranma.
...oh, yeah, wasn't Wilbur there, too?
"UNBELIEVABLE!" called Ichiro. "Ranma just took a direct hit of boiling water! Tough or not, that is DEFINITELY gonna result in some burns!"
"Hey…what's that up there?" asked Daisuke.
"I think it's two people!" Hiroshi replied as they both squinted at the steam. Within were two male figures.
"HAHAHAHAHA! NICE LEOTARD, RANMA!" bellowed Ryoga.
"HAHAHAHA! AT LEAST I AIN'T NAKED AS THE DAY I WAS BORN!" Ranma laughed back.
But just when it seemed like they would be exposed—
SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!
"Eh? What's this?" Ichiro asked, looking over. "It appears Ranko's second and third are armed with water blasters!"
Kenma was furiously spraying at them using a giant super soaker hooked up to the fire hose.
"Huh…guess it was just the girl and the pig," mused Daisuke.
Akane wiped her brow in relief. But that relief vanished when she saw Ranma and Wilbur were being pushed further out of the ring.
"Heavens to Murgatroyd! If she doesn't swim back in, that water's gonna push her right outta the ring, which will mean instant disqualification! Could this be the end?"
But Ranma wasn't going to take this lying down. Rather, she locked in and started to swim back towards the ring, pushing through the wave of water.
"Whoa-ho-ho! Look at that girl go! Ranko's got a determination that absolutely DEFIES common sense!"
"So, you borrow your second to win?" Kodachi scowled, readying another hoop. "That's…cheating!" [hypocrite bitch]
And she threw it, slicing through the wave and making Ranma fall. Luckily, she landed in the ring.
"Give up this fruitless struggle, and just let your brother make whatever choice he wishes," Kodachi remarked.
"I toldja, he would sooner eat mud than EVER go out with some crazy girl like you!" Ranma snapped.
Of course, she had to dodge another attack from the Sea Urchin special. "Enough talk!" Kodachi declared.
Getting on her hands with her legs in the air, Ranma snagged the club with her ankles. "Playtime's over, now get outta the ring!" she declared as she flung Kodachi into the air.
"Yowza! Is it Kodachi's turn for a ring out?"
Kenma threw his fists in the air. "YEE-HA!" he exclaimed. "That's my big sis for ya!"
In an instant, the crafty gymnast drew out a whistle and blew it—FWEE~EEET!—and suddenly, the ring moved until it was directly under her.
Akane was flabbergasted. "And she had the nerve to get on Ranma for cheating…?"
Kodachi landed in the ring, laughing to herself. "Try all you wish, but you can't force me out!" she exclaimed.
"Wanna bet?" Ranma replied, before she slammed her fist into the floor, breaking it open, and revealing dozens of St. Bacchus gymnasts hidden beneath the ring.
"Good golly, Miss Molly! So it was manpower moving that ring!" Ichiro remarked.
"Uh-oh, girls!" exclaimed a blonde. "We've been found out!"
"Scatter!" a brunette added.
Within seconds, the entire gymnastics team had taken a powder. After watching them go, Ranma turned her head towards Kodachi with a vicious grin.
"Now…I distinctly recall you were getting on my case about…cheatin'?" she sneered.
"And now that the mat has been mangled…all that remains are the ropes and corner posts…winner takes it all, loser's first to fall!"
Kodachi flung yet another razor hoop towards them, which cut through the rope, and sent Wilbur spinning in midair.
"That was too close…" Ranma muttered as she lashed the chain, tying Wilbur to the post. "I'm gonna be real clear, bacon bit: you cross me again, I'll make sure Kasumi takes ya to the vet for a special procedure!" she hissed.
Suddenly, the ribbon wrapped around Ranma, and dragged her screaming into the air.
"Looks like Ranko got careless, and that gave Kodachi an opportunity to seize the advantage! At this rate, she'll plunge into the dead center of the ring! But wait—this little pink spitfire's still got some gas in the tank!"
Quickly, Ranma used the ribbon and threw it around one of the rafters, so she could swing on it like a vine.
"Alright, time for me to kick it up a notch!" she exclaimed as she swung towards Kodachi…before she swung back like a pendulum. "...or maybe I spoke too soon…"
"And now, the final blow!" Kodachi exclaimed as she flung a club, tearing through the ribbon, and resulting in Ranma landing on the rope.
"Ranko is utilizing the recoil of the rope to launch herself! Will she go for a body blow? There's only one way to know!"
As Ranma flew through the air, Kodachi chortled with wicked glee. "Foolish little girl!" she crowed. "You've just made yourself a target!"
Ranma winced, as Kodachi began throwing out MULTIPLE clubs.
"And of course, attacks without tools are prohibited!" she exclaimed, making sure to roll her R's.
Ranma blocked the clubs with her wrists. "Then it's a good thing I'm not aimin' for ya!" she shouted as she stuck out her right leg and kicked the pole that Kodachi was standing on, causing it to split clean in half.
Kodachi's smug smile melted into a look of genuine shock, as she fell to the floor, and hit the ground.
Of course, Ranma was clinging desperately to the broken poles, holding herself above the ground!
"Kodachi Kuno…ringed out…" gasped Ichiro.
The ref put Ranma's hand in the air. "Your winner—Ranko Saotome!" she exclaimed.
Ranma didn't exactly look like she was in a celebratory mood. In fact, she looked more like she was ready to crawl into bed, pull the covers over her head, and hibernate 'till it got warm.
"I…I can't believe it…I was totally, utterly defeated…" Kodachi put her head in her hands, much to Ranma's surprise. "Just as you promised…I shall completely give up on my passion for Ranma…"
And for a moment, Ranma felt a little bad. "...Kodachi…" she began.
"And so, I have made this decision…" Kodachi declared. "As of tomorrow, I shall burn with an even greater passion for my dearest Ranma's heart!"
"That's the spirit, Kodachi! Keep on reaching for the stars—I and the rest would expect nothing less from our blossoming Black Rose!" Ichiro exclaimed. "What a woman…honestly, that Ranma fella doesn't know how good he's got it. I'm honestly jealous of him. Wish it was ME she had feelings for…shoot, is this thing still on?"
"Looks like she's burning bright," commented Akane.
And then, Ranma collapsed, the exhaustion of going full tilt without any sleep having caught up to her.
"And Ranma's burnt out," Kenma added.
Suddenly, there came an ominous rumbling from nearby, which got everyone's attention.
[Insert track: DBZ M741—Boiling Blood]
One of the walls burst open, and standing in the self-made opening was a very attractive Chinese girl with long purple hair, done up in two buns on the sides of her head, and magenta irises. She wore a pink, long-sleeved shirt with a red breastplate, as well as magenta-colored pants. In her hands, she clutched a pair of chui/meteor hammers.
"Kenma…" she smiled. "Finally, I've found you."
Kenma's face became soaked with sweat, and his blood ran cold. What a time for Ranma to be out like a light!
"...oh, hell…" he gulped. "Looks like…I'm on my own here…!"
"Kenma, who the heck is that?" asked Akane. "And why's she talking like she knows you?"
"Because…" Kenma responded. "...she kinda does."
Out of the frying pan, and into the fire! Just when Kenma thought the trouble was over, a blast from his past has come back to stir up brand-new troubles! With Ranma sawing logs, is there anything the monkey boy can do to tip the scales?
Stay tuned for scenes of the next "Ranma 1/2 ½", as well as sneak peeks at other COMING ATTRACTIONS!
Ending Theme:
"Don't Give Up!"
Performed by: Psychic Lover
Composed by: YOFFY, IMAJO
Lyrics by: YOFFY
Arranged by: Psychic Lover, Macin' Kuwata
IN OUR NEXT EPISODE!
Everything old is new again—it's a tried and true philosophy that still rings true. And Kenma's learning that when he has another encounter with a girl who's real cute—and deadly, to boot!
Who's the girl? Why's she calling him 'Airen'? And just what does Genma have to hide about the situation that's making him so eager to keep it quiet?
Join us next time for Kiss of Death!
So, everyone—ya better get ready!
TEYANDEE!
Boom shaka-laka! Finally got this chapter done, and it is a big'un! Now that it's finished, I'd like to let you guys know about some other upcoming Ranma projects. Three, in fact!
Anything Goes on a Mystical Adventure [Because Kenma begged for it!]
Mobian Mayhem
and N. Sanity Comes to Nerima
Stay tuned, and we'll get these out…whenever we can, okay?
As for the current situation…that's right, Shampoo is arriving early! [Especially because we have no interest in revisiting the Ice Skating arc. Enduring Mikado and Azusa once was enough, let me tell you!] Plus, it throws Kenma off and will force him to think on his feet. Get ready for a little bit of trickery, quick thinking, and some old-fashioned fightin'...we're bringing the nunchuks into play—but not all at once!
Please, don't hesitate to tell us what you thought of this chapter, and any suggestions you might have…well, include those AFTER the review, you know? Read, Review, and if ya like us enough, follow!