AN: I am not a medical professional, so I apologize for medical inaccuracies here. Although this is entirely a hospital chapter, it's more about the change in Josh due to what has happened and foreshadowing some of what he's going to be dealing with throughout the rest of the fic. Enjoy!
Warning: a rape kit is performed.
The moment that Josh realized he was awake, his thoughts went to Drake. They had both panicked upon realizing that they were being separated at the ambulance, and that panic had been exacerbated by hearing that James had gotten away - although a small part of Josh was glad that he hadn't killed a man after all, even a man who deserved to die - but at least Josh had been able to calm down enough in the ambulance, just focusing on the fact that he and Drake were going to the same place, and as soon as they got there, they would be together again.
But then he arrived at the hospital, and they weren't together again, and Josh had felt wrong ever since. The pool of anxiety in his gut kept building and building and turned to abject fear when the doctor told him that he would be receiving surgery in order to fix his shoulder. It wasn't the surgery he was afraid of - he'd had surgery on his foot earlier in the year and it had been fine, although Drake had been with him at the time - it was being away from Drake for even longer. He'd been assured that Drake was asleep, and would remain so until at least their parents got there, since he'd been so panicked and combative, but Josh just hated the idea of his brother being alone. He hated being apart from him. The last time Drake was out of his eyesight, he was-.
Josh broke off that thought. That wasn't something he needed to be worried about. That was never going to happen again, much less at the hospital where they would be receiving much needed medical attention - Josh knew full well that that could happen anywhere, to anyone, but he needed to make himself believe that Drake was safe from that there at the hospital at least. He'd also been assured that by the time he woke up himself, his parents would be there, and when he was out of the post-op recovery room, he would be moved to a room with Drake.
He could hear doctors and nurses speaking around him, but he couldn't hear Drake, or their parents, or even Megan. Josh was done waiting. He needed Drake.
"Where's Drake?" he called out, his voice scratchy and weak. His throat was sore from the anesthesia, but he didn't care. "Where's my brother?"
"It's okay, sweetie, we'll take you to him in just a minute," a feminine voice gently responded. Josh began forcing himself to open his eyes. He was still so tired. All his body wanted to do was go back to sleep, but Josh knew his mind was more powerful, and he would not allow himself to sleep again until he saw that Drake was safe and sound.
"No, now, I need him," Josh insisted. Careful to use only his good arm, Josh forced himself to sit upright as much as he could. He didn't actually think he would be able to crawl out of the bed and walk to find Drake, but maybe if they saw that he was serious, they would take him to his brother faster. Josh was so cold the moment the blanket slipped from his chin, but he didn't care. He would shiver and freeze if it meant getting to Drake.
"Hey, what's wrong?" the nurse or doctor the feminine voice belonged to asked. Josh was too tired and too preoccupied with getting to Drake to remember what the difference was based on appearance alone. "You shouldn't be getting up right now." She gently eased him back to lying down and pulled the blankets back over him completely. Josh hated how nice they felt. He couldn't truly enjoy their warmth until he saw Drake.
"I need Drake," he repeated, his voice slightly stronger. So far, he was winning the battle to keep his eyes open too. "Get me to my brother, now, or I'm getting up and I'll find him myself." In the back of his mind, Josh knew he didn't sound a thing like himself. That wasn't how he talked, especially not to a medical professional who was helping him. But Josh didn't care. He only cared about Drake.
Maybe it was a look in his tired eyes, but the woman looked at him cautiously, and slowly stepped back.
"We'll get you moved," she said. "Let me go grab your nurse. I'll be back in thirty seconds." She was out beyond the curtain a second later. The curtain. The shower curtain. A pit formed in Josh's stomach as his heart stopped. He forced himself to take a breath. It wasn't the same. Those curtains were only there to provide privacy to the patients, not to commit unspeakable acts behind. Besides, Drake wasn't even there, he was- he was somewhere else. Where was he? Where was Drake? Josh needed to know that he was okay, that he was safe.
Just as Josh was beginning to move the blanket back and try again to stand, the doctor and a nurse returned, and immediately began moving the cot he was on.
"You'll be with your brother in just a few minutes," the doctor assured him.
With that assurance, Josh allowed himself to relax against the cot as he was wheeled out of post-op recovery and up to the pediatric ward. It was strange to be back there, but he supposed at seventeen, he and Drake were still children, and thus, the pediatric ward was where they belonged. For just a moment, Josh allowed himself to close his eyes as he took a deep breath. They were still children, and this had happened to them. Josh felt sick.
He could hear his family before he could see them.
"Josh," his dad breathed out the moment he was wheeled through the door. Josh opened his eyes and lifted up his head. His heart leapt at seeing his parents and sister, but his eyes quickly sought out and landed on his brother, and when they did, his soul was home.
"Drake," he breathed out, ignoring his family and focusing only on his brother. He was still unconscious. He had been hoping that Drake would have been awake by the time he was out of surgery.
"Oh, Josh," his mom said, finally stealing his attention from his brother, if only because he knew they needed him too.
"Hey, guys," Josh finally replied. He allowed himself to smile at the sight of them, and when he did, he was surprised to feel tears beginning to build behind his eyes. He hadn't been sure if he was ever going to see them again, and now, there they were, right in front of them.
"Josh," his mom repeated, finally leaving Drake's bedside and rushing over to him. She gently leaned over him and wrapped him in her arms. Josh returned the gesture as much as he could, lying down and with only one arm. But he pressed his face into her shoulder, and couldn't stop the tears from falling behind his closed eyes. "I'm so glad you're okay. We were so worried about you."
As soon as his mom released her hold on him, his dad took her place. He was crying too.
"I'm so proud of you," his dad tearfully said. Josh's breath caught in his throat. Despite that, he tightened his hold on his dad. Why on earth was his dad proud of him? Josh hadn't been able to save Drake from James. He had done nothing to be proud of.
When his dad got up, Megan did not take his place. Instead, she rested her hand on his knee.
"I'm glad you're okay, sort of," she said, offering him a half-smile. Josh wasn't sure if she meant she was only sort of glad that he was okay, or that she was glad that he was sort of okay. Either way, it was the best he could expect from her.
"Thanks, Meg," he said. He wiped away the remnants of his tears, and looked back at his brother in the bed by the window.
"We're just gonna transfer you to the bed from the cot, okay?" the doctor said. Josh glanced back at her and nodded. He had honestly forgotten that she and the nurse were even in there, but he was thankful that they had let him have a small moment with his family, although he was sure that his mom would be crying again the moment the medical staff left them alone to have a deeper reunion.
The doctor, nurse, and his dad, all helped him to move from the cot to the bed. The nurse quickly went over how to adjust the bed and the doctor briefly explained how the next few days would go in the hospital, and that was that. They left with the assurance that they would be back in about two hours, or whenever Josh needed them. Whichever came first.
"When is Drake gonna wake up?" Josh asked the moment they left. He turned this head to face his brother, and he didn't plan on looking away. In his sleep, Drake looked peaceful. The only signs that any harm had come to him at all were the dark circles and tear stains under his eyes. Josh was sure his own face looked similar.
"Hopefully soon," his mom answered. She now stood between them, and out of the corner of his eye, Josh could see her internal struggle as to which son she should give more attention to. After a moment, she moved around to the opposite side of Drake's bed, where she could sit by him, but still have Josh in her line of sight. His dad did the same, on the opposite side of Josh. "He's been out for a few hours now."
"What did they tell you?" Josh asked. He didn't elaborate as to what he meant. If he needed to elaborate, then he had his answer.
Instead of answering, his mom began crying again, and his dad took a deep breath. It was Megan who answered for them.
"You were stabbed," she quietly, simply said. "And Drake was raped." There was next to no emotion in her words, but the way in which she almost whispered them betrayed that she did truly care.
"Yeah," was all Josh said in reply. He didn't want to get any more detailed than that with them. They didn't need to know, and he wasn't ready to talk about it, not yet at least. Besides, he was surely going to have to provide a full statement to the police soon, and even that he was dreading.
They all lapsed into an awkward silence, but Josh didn't blame them. What were they supposed to say? He didn't feel like engaging in conversation anyway. All he wanted to do was stay awake long enough for Drake to wake up, just to see that his brother was okay - well, as okay as he possibly could be considering the circumstances. He wasn't sure if he was going to be successful in that endeavor. Even just seeing Drake had calmed Josh down, and he was still on enough pain meds that his thumb and shoulder didn't hurt in the slightest, as long as he didn't move them.
Luckily, Josh didn't have to wait long. It was only a few awkward minutes later that a whimper sounded from Drake, and his brows furrowed.
"Drake?" Josh called out. He went to reach out towards his brother, but pain shot through his left arm the moment he tried. He breathed in sharply and immediately relaxed his arm.
"Drake, sweetie, it's okay, you're safe now," Audrey said. She was rubbing Drake's arm and squeezing his hand under the blanket.
"Drake, I'm here," Josh called out again. No sooner did he speak those words then Drake's eyes opened, his face twisted in pain - had they not given him any pain meds? - but the moment he made eye contact with his brother, Drake visibly relaxed.
"Josh," he said, his voice still scratchy.
"It's okay," Josh repeated. "I'm right here. And Mom and Dad and Megan are here too."
Drake's gaze lazily crossed the room, and settled on Audrey.
"Mom," he said. Josh could hear the tears in his voice.
"Yes, sweetie, I'm here," she said, tears falling down her own face. Drake began to lift an arm towards her, prompting her to gently gather him in her arms. "I'm here now. I'm so sorry," she said as she cried. Josh could hear Drake sobbing into her shoulder. He closed his eyes against his own tears once again. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to hear Drake cry without it causing extreme emotion in himself ever again.
"It's okay, Josh," Walter said, his own voice breaking. Josh allowed his dad to wrap him in a hug, and focused on breathing and controlling his tears. He shouldn't be crying. Drake had it so much worse than him. "You're both okay."
For once, Megan didn't say anything disparaging to the emotional moment, and just let it happen. Maybe she was finally maturing.
After a minute or two, Josh pulled back, and rested back against the bed, which had been inclined so he could be at least sort of sitting up. Walter sat back down in the chair.
"We should let them know he's awake," he said. Josh nodded, and allowed his dad to press the nurse call button. Less than a minute later, a nurse about his parents' age was in the room. She smiled at Josh, but walked past him towards Drake, who was not separating himself from his mom, but did turn his head to look at the woman.
"Hey, sweetheart," the nurse kindly greeted. "How are you feeling?" Drake finally moved back from Audrey, but kept a grip on her sleeve. He shrugged and shook his head.
"How do you think," he said, but there wasn't any heat behind his words, just defeat.
"I know, honey," she calmly replied with a sad smile. "Are you in any pain?" After a moment, Drake nodded. "I'll get you something for that. Are you ready for the SANE team to come in?"
"The what?" Drake carefully asked.
"Sexual assault nurse examiners," the nurse explained. "They're trained to help you after something like this has happened, to collect evidence for the police, and to help you physically heal."
Josh could hear Drake's breath catching in his throat.
"I already know who did it," he said. "And won't it just heal over time?" Drake began shaking, just enough that Josh was sure no one but him would be able to tell. The nurse sat down at the foot of the bed.
"We still have to get the physical evidence, and I'd like to be sure you don't have any infected tears. I know how hard this is, and I promise these nurses are going to go as slowly as you need them to. They're not gonna hurt you, sweetie. I promise they're gonna take care of you."
"I don't want to," Drake said. He began shaking his head, and Josh felt a hint of anger towards the nurse as tears once again started to fall down Drake's face. "Please don't make me."
Josh stopped breathing. For a moment, in his mind, all Josh could see was James, dragging Drake to that mattress, ignoring his cries that he didn't want to and his begs for him to please stop. Josh forced himself to keep breathing.
"Does he have to?" Josh asked, despite knowing that the answer was yes, and it was their parents' decision. Just as he knew he would, Walter nodded.
"Son, I'm sorry, but you need to," Walter said, his voice shaking slightly too, but still firm and leaving no room for argument.
Drake turned and looked at Audrey, but she nodded, despite her own tears. Drake closed his eyes and curled up on his side to face Josh as he cried. The nurse looked back at Audrey.
"I'll be back with the SANE team and some pain meds for him," she told her. "Drake, honey, they're gonna take care of you, I promise," she said. He only continued to cry. She left the room, closing the door behind her.
"Why does he have to?" Megan chimed in, her voice as angry as it always was when she argued with their parents. "He already knows who did it and he can tell the police that. What do they need him to do this for too? Hasn't he been through enough?" Despite everything, hearing Megan get agitated, especially in defense of Drake, brought a smile to Josh's face. Megan defending Drake wasn't something that Josh was sure he'd heard from her before.
"Because the police need all the evidence they can to put away the monster that did this, and that means they need more than just a positive ID," Walter explained, his voice as gentle as Josh was sure he could manage in that moment.
Josh knew he was right. He knew it was the best thing for the prosecution against James to be able to pull his DNA off Drake and have the disgusting pictures of what was done to his brother on the record. All of that, plus the evidence they would get from Miguel's body and Josh's stab wound, would certainly be enough to convict James beyond a reasonable doubt and have him put away for life without the possibility of parole, even if they weren't able to convict him on the six other murders he'd committed with Miguel.
But just because they were right didn't mean that Josh had to be happy about it, and it didn't mean that Drake should've been expected to be okay with it either.
Drake didn't speak again until the SANE team arrived. He laid on his side with his eyes shut, as small and curled up as he probably could manage, ignoring any attempts to get his attention. Josh spoke minimally, his attention focused entirely on his brother. He didn't know what to do to make him okay, but maybe if he just kept his attention on him, he'd figure it out.
The arrival of the SANE team intensified the already awkward atmosphere. Drake looked up at them with distrust and fear, and Josh knew he wasn't hiding his anger at them from his face - it wasn't their fault, they were just doing their jobs, but they were going to hurt Drake and Josh wasn't okay with that and there was nothing he could do about it.
"Hey, honey," a pretty blonde nurse greeted Drake. Josh was sure that in any other situation, Drake would've been hitting on her immediately. It felt wrong that he wasn't. "I know this is really hard, so we're gonna do whatever we can to make this easier for you. Do you want your parents and sister to be in here, or would you prefer they waited outside?" she asked.
Drake looked between her and the team and his family, clearly weighing his options and not liking any of them, as another nurse messed with his IV - hopefully delivering some pain meds.
"I don't wanna do this," he repeated, sending the image of him being dragged away by James while he pleaded the same thing right through Josh's mind again.
"I know, and I'm so sorry," the blonde nurse said. She gave him a sad smile, but said nothing else.
"I don't want them to see," Drake finally said. He wiped the tears away from his eyes and sat up as much as he seemed to be able to.
"Okay," Audrey said with tears in her own eyes. "If that's what you want. We'll be right outside." She squeezed his arm and stood up, giving him a forced smile as she stepped away. Walter put an arm around her shoulders as she motioned Megan towards the door. Megan glared at the nurses, but did as requested.
"This could take as long as a few hours," the blonde nurse warned. "We're going to go as slowly as he needs us too."
Their parents nodded, and obediently left the room with Megan in tow. As the door opened, Josh caught a glimpse of something he hadn't seen when he'd been wheeled in, his eyes closed as they were: there were two deputies standing outside the door. Josh took a deep breath. It made sense. James apparently had survived being bashed in the head with a meat mallet, and he'd sworn to them that he would have them both, which he hadn't yet. Of course the SDCSO would be taking extra precautions to protect them - Josh forced himself not to think about the fate he was being protected from.
Josh's heart stopped at the sound of metal sliding against metal. He snapped his head to the side to see a shower curtain dividing him from his brother, trapping Drake with a monster.
"No!" Josh shouted. He tore himself out of the bed, pulling out his IV in the process and causing agonizing pain to shoot through his shoulder. "Don't touch him! Let him go!" Josh tore the curtain aside and fell onto Drake's bed, partly on top of him as he shielded him from James.
"Josh, Josh, it's okay," Drake said, though his hands gripped the fabric of Josh's hospital gown tightly. "They're not trying to hurt me, it's okay. Look, it's okay."
The concern in his brother's voice made Josh look up. Staring at him wasn't James, with eyes full of lust and hunger, but nurses, all looking at him with shock and concern. Josh swallowed, and looked away. They were safe in the hospital, no back in that room. Everything was okay.
"I-I'm sorry," Josh stuttered. He forced himself to let go of Drake and stand up. The nurses gasped, and one ran out the door, saying something about getting someone or something. "No, it's okay, it was the curtain, I panicked-."
"Josh," Drake cried out, stealing Josh's attention immediately. It was then that he saw the blood on Drake's shoulder. "Your shoulder," Drake continued.
Josh quickly glanced down at his own shoulder, and saw even more blood. The pain that he'd shoved to the back of his mind when he'd thought that Drake being hurt again returned in full force. It wasn't Drake with the injury, it was Josh. In his haste to get to his brother, he'd torn his stitches.
"Let's sit back down," one of the nurses said, and gently grabbed him and led him back to his own bed. Josh didn't want to let go of Drake, but based on the way his world was spinning, maybe sitting down was the best option.
The moment he was seated, the nurses helped him to lay down, and immediately began putting pressure on the stab wound. He let out a small cry of pain and squeezed his eyes shut against the oncoming tears. It still wasn't worse than what Drake had been through.
Another set of nurses arrived in the room a moment later, and immediately set to work on fixing him up again, starting with another dose of pain meds. The IV delivered them quickly into his bloodstream, flooding him with relief. Josh actually sighed as he felt the pain ebb away, closing his eyes as the nurses - or doctors, he couldn't tell the difference in the moment - worked.
"Can we get this over with?" Drake quietly asked. Josh opened his eyes and turned to look at Drake. His brother was mostly seated, but still curled up and small. The SANE team had stepped back, giving the other medical professionals more room to work with Josh.
"Are you sure you want to, with more people in here?" the blonde nurse asked him.
"It's fine, I just want this to be done," Drake responded. "Just don't pull the curtain. I need- I need Josh, too." He ducked his head and refused to make eye contact with anyone, even his brother.
"We're almost done," one of the nurses working on Josh said. "He didn't tear them all out, just some of them."
"I'm sorry about that, by the way," Josh added. He still wasn't sure exactly what had come over him. The need to get to Drake and protect him had been overpowering and all consuming. "I just panicked for a minute. It won't happen again."
The nurses shared looks with each other that Josh couldn't understand, but gave him forced smiles anyway.
"It's okay," she said.
The nurses quickly finished the new stitches, re-bandaged his shoulder, and helped Josh into a clean hospital gown, free of blood, then left the room, leaving the SANE team once again to do their work.
"We won't draw the curtain this time," the lead nurse said. As the nurses drew closer to Drake, Josh could see he was beginning to panic again.
"It's okay," he gently called out to him. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
Drake finally made eye contact with him, and nodded. Josh forced himself to smile, despite tears building in his eyes at the sight of the same thing in Drake's.
"We're gonna start by taking pictures, okay?"
What followed was more excruciating than Josh could've imagined. It wasn't the SANE team's fault. Josh was sure that they were doing everything they could to make it easier, but it just wasn't possible. Josh had to watch as Drake's hospital gown was removed, revealing the extent of the damage that James had done to him. Enough time had passed since the initial assault that the red marks had turned purple, leaving clear handprints on Drake's hips. Though all the blood was coagulated, the bite mark on his shoulder was still distinct, and scratches littered his torso. The worst of the damage was still below his hips. Over mottled bruising there still could be clearly seen the trails of blood down Drake's thighs, and over the blood, another fluid that Josh didn't want to think about.
"I'm sorry, sweetie, but you have to move your hands," one of the other nurses gently said. Drake drew in another shaking breath and slowly pulled his hands away from where he'd been trying to cover himself, only to shake his head and cover himself again.
"I can't do this," Drake cried.
"Let me help," Josh interjected as firmly as the higher dose of pain meds would allow him to. "Help me into a chair and sit by him, and I can help." The nurses looked at each other with hesitation.
"Drake, do you think it would be easier if you had your brother closer to you?" one of them asked. Drake nodded, and the nurses relented.
Seemingly against their better judgment, the nurses helped Josh out of the bed and into a chair right next to Drake's head. Josh leaned back in it as much as he could, feeling slightly listless and lightheaded, but the nurses didn't need to know that. Drake needed him, so Josh was going to be there.
"Drake, give me your hands," Josh gently said. Slowly, Drake did as Josh requested. His hands were cold and shaking. Josh squeezed them and began rubbing his thumbs up and down the backs of Drake's palms in what he hoped were soothing motions. He was thankful for the painkillers, otherwise his dislocated thumb might not have allowed him to. It was difficult enough with his left hand and thumb in the brace. "I'm right here. It's gonna be okay."
Josh distracted Drake as much as he could throughout the entire process. The photographing was awkward and Josh could feel the shame radiating off his brother, but he was able to hold Drake's hands and talk to him about how excited he was to plan his and Mindy's one year anniversary - even though it was still another month away. Drake wasn't as clever with his insults, only tokenly asking Josh why he would want to spend another year with someone like her, but it was better than nothing.
The examination and evidence collecting were a bit more difficult, for both Drake and Josh. Drake was in pain as he was poked and prodded, and it took all of Josh's willpower to hold Drake's hands tight and keep him from fighting the nurses, who were already patiently struggling with him.
"Just look at me," Josh begged him. "Just look at me, okay? Look at me, and relax." Drake turned his tear filled eyes towards Josh, who was gripping his hands so tightly that they were both in pain. "You have to relax. You have to let them do what they need to do."
"It's okay, honey," one of the nurses assured them. "We can take as much time as you need. If you need to take a break, that's totally fine."
"No, no, I just want to be done," Drake cried. He squeezed Josh's hands even tighter and pressed his forehead against them. He was still shaking, but seemed to have relaxed his hips enough for the nurses to be able to work.
"You're doing great," Josh assured him, resting his own head on top of Drake's. It felt a little awkward, but he hoped it was comforting. "You're almost done, and I'm so proud of you." He couldn't hold back the tears from his own eyes as he heard Drake crying under him. Josh closed his eyes and slowly squeezed Drake's hands, then relaxed them, then squeezed, then relaxed, in a slow, steady rhythm. Maybe it was the exhaustion, or maybe it was from Josh's ministrations, but eventually, Drake stopped crying, and picked up the rhythm himself, doing the same back to Josh.
"The hardest parts should be over," the pretty blonde nurse said, offering them both that sad smile she always did. "Everything below the hips is treated and cleaned. We can help you into these boxers, then we just need to take care of the bite on your shoulder and those scratches, and we'll be done."
Drake let out a long breath and nodded. Josh lifted his head and leaned back in the chair, but didn't let go of Drake's hands until Drake did first. Slowly, Drake let go with one hand, but not the other, and Josh wasn't going to be the one to force him. The nurses worked awkwardly around their joined hands, helping Drake to get into the boxers the hospital had provided for him. With all of the blood and semen washed away from his hips, groin, and legs, the bruising was even more prominent. Josh looked away.
It didn't take long to clean and bandage the bite and the worst of the scrapes, and afterwards, the nurses even helped Drake to clean his face. The SANE team then began packing up their equipment and the evidence they'd collected, but the blonde nurse came up to talk to Drake again.
"You did really well," she said with that smile. "You should be proud of yourself." Drake gave her a forced smile in return, but didn't otherwise reply. "We're gonna help Josh back into his bed, then we're gonna let your parents back in here, okay?"
Drake nodded, but still didn't release his hold on Josh's hand, and Josh still didn't have the heart to make him.
"Honey, you have to let go," she gently prodded. Tears filled Drake's eyes again and he shook his head.
"I need him," he forced out through clenched teeth, not making eye contact with anyone.
"Drake, I'm still right here," Josh tried reminding him. He moved his head to try to catch his brother's gaze, but to no avail. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm still gonna be right next to you."
"He needs to get rest too," the nurse added. "He's also been through a lot, and he can only heal if he's able to rest."
Drake closed his eyes and nodded, although a few tears still leaked out. His grip on Josh's hand began to loosen slowly, then all at once as he brought his hand to his face to wipe away his tears.
"I'm still right here," Josh repeated. "I'm not ever gonna leave you." Despite his words, he felt a hole in his heart as the nurses helped him back into his own bed. He was only a few feet further away from Drake than he had been, but those few feet felt like a chasm, keeping him away from his brother who needed him. Josh hated it.
Only a moment later, the SANE team was gone and their parents and Megan were back. It looked as though maybe Audrey had been crying the entire time.
"You did so great, sweetie," Audrey said, immediately going to Drake and resuming her seat next to him, facing the room. "And thank you, Josh." She turned her attention to him. "They told me you were really helpful. I'm so proud of you both."
Neither brother responded.
"You boys should probably try to get some rest before the police come in to take your statements," Walter said. It wasn't what either of them wanted to hear, but it was the truth. They were going to have to provide their statements sooner rather than later, and Josh was sure that Drake was dreading it just as much as he was himself.
"You're right," Josh quietly responded with a nod. He pressed the button on his bed to lower it back to horizontal. He turned his head so he was looking at his brother. "You should too," he told Drake.
"I know."
"I'm still gonna be here while you're asleep, and when you wake up."
"I know."
Drake said that he knew, but Josh wasn't sure he really did. He was staring at Josh like if he closed his eyes, his brother would disappear, and he would be alone. But with how heavy his eyelids were, it looked like he wasn't going to have a choice. Josh was determined to stay awake until Drake fell asleep, just so he knew that even as he slept, Josh was right there.
Josh didn't have to wait long. Their parents dimmed the lights and stayed quiet, as did Megan, all knowing how desperately they needed rest. Walter and Megan even sat on the couch together and looked to be getting quite comfortable themselves, and Josh was sure that as soon as Drake was asleep, his mother would lay her head down next to him and do the same. They had been up since God knew how early.
The exhaustion of the exam won out quickly, despite Drake's best efforts, and soon enough, his eyes were closed and his shaking had slowed. Josh watched as Audrey pulled the blankets around him more until his shaking stopped entirely. Only then did he allow himself to close his eyes. When he did, the sight of James and Miguel greeted him behind closed lids.