Lola sat in her dressing room after another pre-pageant. She had switched from her pink, flowing, shimmery pageant dress, made by her elder sister of course, into a pink nightgown and sheer sleeping cape that accentuated her moderate bust, thin waste, and wide hips, something she had gladly inherited from her mother. She had her phone set up... glaring at the dialing screen with her brother's face on it... counting the rings. 3... 4... 5... 6. The longer she had to wait, the more anxious she became as her sapphire eyes furrowed. She was sneering the longer she had to wait, showing the very slight gap in her front teeth, an accent to her soft, beautiful features, framed perfectly by her long, straight, blonde hair, cut perfectly into a flowing blowout. 11... 12... 13. Eventually the phone lit up with her brother, sitting in the living room of their apartment complex. She wanted to cuss at him for making her wait... wanted to yell at him for not picking up immediately. Lola was a slave to her emotions though... and right now they were telling her something very Loudly.
Tears stinging her eyes she gripped her feet up to the chair, sitting more timidly than she had hoped she would and speaking barely above a whisper, smiling as his face filled her screen, "I miss you, Lincy..."
He smiled when he saw his younger sister, "I miss you too, Lola."
"Lincoln... why did you make me wait to answer?" she finally managed to chide, collecting herself enough to save a small amount of her anger as she batted her long blonde hair back behind her shoulders in a pout.
"Well... I figured you'd want to see some one else too."
"Hi mommy..." a timid voice said as he panned the phone to her daughter, sitting next to him in the living room of their shared unit.
Lola, usually trying to be the more stern parent with her bratty daughter, couldn't shake the fondness in her heart that the absence highlighted, "Princess... how are you?"
She looked up to her father who nodded, "I... I miss you."
Lola smiled and nodded, "Don't worry sweetheart... I just have to win Miss Universe... that's the last one... then I'm home for good."
Leia's eyes looked to her father who looked back at her, equally confused, "What?"
"Miss America and Miss Universe will be my last two... no matter what happens."
Leia's eyes lit up when her mother said that, for the first time in a long time she saw her daughter smile. Lincoln, seeing this, smiled too, but something was bothering him.
"Why though?" he finally asked.
She pouted and crossed her arms in her usual bratty way, "Because... I feel like even Lori gets to see you more than I do now... and you two just started talking again."
Lincoln's smile became a little more smug, "Awe, you miss your big brother?"
A slight blush painted her cheeks, "Don't get snide with me, Lincoln Loud!"
He chuckled, "I'm just teasing Lola... was it Luna's retirement?"
She grabbed her feet again and began rocking, averting her eyes from the phone. He had hit the nail perfectly in the center. When she saw the retirement announcement on the Moon Goats social she immediately thought about her own relationship with her daughter. How much time they had spent apart... how much more she could be in her life... how much she needed her. Then something else creeped in. Jealousy. Sam and Luna were both in the video. Mazzy and Sully filmed their pieces elsewhere. The way the phone shook with every breath... how the phone set at their eye level... The smile that they both had as the video cut off... Lincoln was filming the video. Lucy, Ronnie, and Stella would see him every night no matter what. Luan was gone, at most, two weeks out of a month. Lana was on call with animal control and the zoo, so she spent most of her time at home. Lori had actually made good on her promise to visit a weekend out of the month, and if she did it once she was certain to do it again. Lynn was almost always at home, having retired after her Olympic gold medals. Lisa was never not home, practically dug into the space her creepy robots had dug out under the basement. The only one's she could still compete with for her brother's affection on a level playing field had just bumped her down.
And she wouldn't stand for it.
"It's not fair..." she mumbled.
Her daughter grinned smugly, "Awe, does mommy feel a bit lonely?"
"Only as lonely as you do when Lemy'd rather hang out with Lacy or Lina," she shot back.
Leia looked around, "I-I'm not lonely without him! H-He's crude and dumb!"
"And you're a brat," she spat back.
Leia huffed, "Daddy! Mommy's making fun of me! Make her stop!"
He just rolled his eyes as his daughter and pageant queen sister argued. If it were any of his other children and their mothers he would be more inclined to step in. But the two in front of him, shouting back and forth, this was how they showed affection. They would never attack anything that would truly hurt the other. It was always assaults on the worst parts of their character that they both knew the other needed calling out.
"Oh good grief Leia," Lola huffed rolling her eyes, "Why can't you just accept you have a favorite sibling?! If I didn't have a favorite sibling, you wouldn't be here!"
"Watch it," Lincoln chided.
"Oh, what's the big deal? So she has a little crush on her big brother-"
"Which doesn't usually end well in this family," he reminded.
"I do not have a crush on Lemy!" her daughter stomped her foot, her face getting more red by the second, "I do not! Daddy! Tell her to stop!"
"Don't hide behind your father, brat!"
"I'm not a brat!" she crossed her arms, "I'm a perfect little angel... daddy says so."
Lincoln rolled his eyes and smiled, "That's right princess, you certainly are."
"See?!" she smiled as her mother rolled her eyes.
"Lincoln, quit being sarcastic. You know how simple she is."
"Hey!"
"Don't know what you're talking about dear, she's just as sweet as her mother," he grinned.
"HEY!" both said in unison this time, "I'm nothing like her!"
He smiled as both girls glared at each other. This was how the posh twin was. If Lana was the ultimate enabler, Lola was the ultimate disabler. Where Lana would attempt to nourish and feed her daughters imagination, Lola would immediately aim to take the wind out of the sails of any of her would be cons. Lincoln couldn't argue that it was bad for his daughter when most of her cons were... morally ambiguous. She was smart... precocious... exactly like her mother. Where her mother chose pageants, she chose power struggle. In Lincoln's mind, the humbling Lola gave her was preventing his daughter from starting a cult, getting in real trouble, or winding up on the wrong end of a gun.
Leia huffed, "If you're both going to make fun of me, I'm leaving!" She stood up and stormed off.
"Love you, princess!" Lincoln called after her.
"... Love you too!" She shouted in anger as she slammed her door.
Lola smiled as she heard the door slam, "I love that girl, even though she's a brat..."
"She gets it honest," Lincoln mumbled.
"What did you just say, Lincoln Albert Loud?!"
"That you're the prettiest queen in the world," he lied.
"That's what I thought," Silence followed for a moment as Lola shuffled uncomfortably under her brother's gaze, "What?"
"Nothing," he smiled, "Just thinking about how true that sentence is."
Lola tossed her hair, "Well, that truly goes without saying," she smiled smugly, before looking back down, "I really do miss you..."
He glanced to the side as she said that, "I know... me too."
They spoke a little longer. Gossiping about their sister's behavior over the past few weeks. Lola gushing over her daughter and condemning the actions of her nieces, especially Lupa and Lizy, much to Lincoln's annoyance. But he was used to it... it was just how Lola was. He would put up with her battiness just to see that excited, pure, and childish smile, like he always had.
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Lola wasn't stupid. Quite the contrary, she was quite precocious and intelligent. This is why, in her older sisters' opinion, she was dangerous. Even Luan, who was currently sitting on the couch with Lincoln, tempting him with the legs he had complimented by utilizing his hand to rub up them, straightened up immediately when she entered the room. Luan had finally gotten her braces removed and had begun developing in her last year of high school... very rapidly. Her bust had increased to almost meet Leni's, her waist had expanded enough to perfect her long legs, and, even with the slight buckness of her teeth she was beginning to emit that adult glow... but she was still the same perverted girl she had always been with her brother... except around Lola.
She was the only person she refused to play perverted chicken around, certain she was in tune enough to recognize that something was happening, even if she didn't fully understand what. For Lola, for all her precociousness, was still innocent to the suffering of adult women. She wasn't quite as tall as Lucy was at her age, but her figure was already showing signs of following her mothers example. Her teeth, save a slight gap in her teeth that remained when her adult teeth fully formed, were immaculate... but she was still a child in comparison to all her older siblings.
She glared at Luan and Lincoln, sitting on the couch, barely seeing Luan pull away from Lincoln, "Oh, Hey Lola!"
"Luan, what's going on here?!" She demanded.
"This again, Lols?" Luan sighed and leaned up against her hand on the arm rest, "We've all told you a million times, we just worked out a system to spend time with each other."
"Then why aren't Lana, Lisa, Lily, or I invited into this system?! He always seems to be spending time with you six!" she put her hands on her hips, "If anyone deserves to spend time with Lincy, it's me!"
There it was, the true reason she knew something was up. Every time she had needed (read as desperately wanted) his service (read as attention), he was either out with one of her older sisters, or no where to be found. It was understandable once, but every single time?! Didn't he know who she was? Then it became even more obvious when almost every one of them would jump when she entered the room, away from Lincoln none the less, if they didn't want to be close to him, why spend time with him at all?! She had only managed to coax out of them that they were on some sort of rotation for her brother's attention... and that she wasn't allowed to join for some reason. That was what really annoyed her.
"It's not that you all aren't' invited..." she started, "It's just... um."
"You three are too important to be a part of some stupid system," Lincoln finished for her, "If you guys want to spend time with me, just ask. I'll make time."
Lola jumped up and glared at him, "Then make time now."
He looked over at Luan, "Well... How about this instead-"
"I said now-"
"-all day tomorrow, we'll go to burpin' burger, get whatever you want, and hang out doing whatever you want," Lola froze at the offer and turned away, "Well?"
"I'm thinking," she had to turn away so Lincoln wouldn't see the excitement on her face.
It had been weeks since she had him all to herself, and she would have him all day. No one to interrupt them, no one to pull his attention, he'd finally realize who the most important sister was. Not only that, but he had promised to do anything she had wanted! She could finally get that new dress she had seen at the mall!
"Fine," she finally said turning back around, arms crossed, glaring at him, "But if you flake on me, I'll make you suffer for the rest of your life."
Even though Lincoln had no intention of flaking, it still made his skin crawl, "O-of course Lols..."
She glared smugly at Luan who just cocked an eyebrow at her as she walked away, "You sure that's a good idea, Lincoln?"
"As long as Luna has concerts for me to work at, I hope I'll be okay," he sighed.
Luan rolled her eyes, smiling, "Not really what I was talking about... but funny. No, I mean pushing Lucy's day back for Lola. I've never been drained by a vampire, but I'd have to imagine it would, 'suck,'" She leaned against him and raised her eyebrows at him as he groaned, "Seriously though, she's going to expect you to make it up to her."
"She knows the rules, even though all of you seemed to forget them. Any time a sister outside of you six wants me they have me. You guys have been doing everything you can to avoid the other sisters."
"No we haven't!" Luan shot back.
Lincoln stared at her wordlessly, coldly, "Look me in the eyes and say that again."
Luan stared at his eyes which felt like they were staring directly into her soul, she started blushing and couldn't focus on his still blue eyes... nor could she lie again, "I-it's not intentional... it's just... it's bad enough having to share you with 5 other girls," she crossed her arms and huffed, "Six if you count Ronnie..."
"You guys seemed fine when there was 10 of you," he reminded, "Most boyfriends and girlfriends that don't live together see each other once or twice a week at most, I don't see Ronnie but once every other month, and she never complains."
"Yeah! But you're right here! All the time!" She noted, "You're in arms reach of all of us, but we have to dial it back just so the others can help us keep the secret-"
"Which is in danger of being revealed unless we start cutting in the more normal relationships of our lives more often. Remember how you thought it was a good idea that I went to that con-"
"That was almost a year ago, Lincoln," She put his hand back on her thigh, "The more I spend time with you, the more I crave it! It's like your a drug! A tall, lanky, dorky, cute, blonde, blue eyed drug," Her voices inflection began changing, "The compliments, the attention, the sex... dear god the sex... kiss me," She demanded as she tried to smash her lips into his but was blocked by him placing his hand on her forehead.
"Easy tiger, we're in the living room," he reminded with a smile.
"See!" She groaned, "I almost lost myself again thinking about... well... you know," she grinned.
"Yeah... right... lost yourself... and rubbing my crotch with your foot at the breakfast table in front of mom and dad was you controlling yourself?"
She smiled, "Just thought I'd get you, 'on your feet,' earlier in the morning."
"And squeezing my ass while I was trying to talk to Clyde at school behind the hedges when you came to pick me up?"
"Just trying to, 'ASSess,' the conversation you two were having."
"And you trying to pull my pants down, drooling at the red light?"
She said nothing for a moment, just smiling, "... that was just hot and I was horny."
"When aren't you?" he chided.
"Hey!" she crossed her arms, "I'm not Horny all the time! Sometimes I have to sleep!"
He choked down a laugh, "Not funny."
"You almost laughed," she stated with a smug smile.
"Real point is if we don't want the girl who's most likely to blackmail us in the house finding out something really is up we need to placate her... besides," He looked away, "It'll be nice to spend some normal time with one of my sisters for a change."
Luan winced at this, "Two things," She held up two fingers, "First, ouch, second, I don't know if you can call any time with any of us normal," she leaned back, setting her legs in his lap as he started to gently rub them, "What we're doing aside, none of us are really easy to get along with-"
"Not this again."
"-No, Lincoln, no depressed bullshit this time, I promise. But I am a lot to deal with-"
"Especially on certain holidays."
"Bite me-"
"-No, you'd enjoy it."
"Touché. I am a bit of a pervert, I like really bad jokes, I'm handsy, risky, volatile, and that's just me. Lucy is... well Lucy. She's hot, no doubt about it, but she's possessive and shifty to a terrifying level. Highly jealous, devious, and passionate is a genuinely dangerous combination. Speaking of jealousy, Lynn is... rough... honestly I don't know how you handle her-"
"-She's no where near as bad as you when she-"
"-Not what I meant. She purposefully forces you to do physical shit that not even Spartans would think of-"
"-you get used to it."
"No, YOU get used to it. Normal people wouldn't, not even her teammates can hang with her all the time... they actually have a healthy fear response unlike you. Leni is... well Leni... I wouldn't trust any one with her-"
"-I got to be honest... I don't trust myself with her either-"
"-But you at least genuinely care for her and we know that. Anyone else, and there would always be a nagging voice in the back of my head, a bitter feeling that they were just taking advantage of her because of her looks and trusting nature. Luna's the most normal out of all of us... even she's almost impossible to keep up with when she gets, 'rocking and rolling.' And that's just the five of us. God help Lola's future husband, he'll either have to be a complete beta, doing everything to keep her satisfied at the drop of a hat, or a damn lion tamer. Lana's wouldn't be much better off with her habit of bringing strange and unique animals home... and her aversion to soap and water... you don't think she has rabies do you?"
"I think she's immune..."
"-I mean, she's Lola's twin, she's probably going to be beautiful when she grows up, but so are wolves, tigers, and lions... their all dangerous... now think about the animal that they all listen to and there you'd have her. finally Lisa is... difficult. I don't think that girl will ever be married, and I don't think she'd want to be. If she married anyone I have a feeling it'd just be to have a live in science experiment. Face it Linc, were it not for you we wouldn't have anyone," she drew her knees in on her, "You and Ronnie or Stella would probably have a normal life ahead of you."
"Stella and I aren't like that-"
"-Oh come on Lincoln. You and Kara aren't like that, I've seen how that girl looks at you. Unlike us you had options... and you still decided to humor us... like you always do."
He looked over at her, lowered his eyes, and smiled, "Is it humoring if I don't regret it?"
She blushed a little, scanned the room, and finished the kiss she had went for earlier, "Not fair, Linc."
He squeezed her upper thigh near her rear, "So... you wouldn't mind breaking the news to Lucy, would you?"
She grinned, leaning her forehead against his and rubbing up his thigh, "Nice try, dead man."
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Lincoln had just finished his conversation with his younger sister and checked up on his daughter who was still huffing and puffing at their teasing. A kiss on her forehead and a promise of a daddy daughter date placated her tantrum... just like her mother. He had decided to walk downstairs, deciding to spend a little time with himself... until he heard a loud bang from downstairs. He jumped up and immediately sprinted downstairs where his younger sister was coughing, covered in soot, laying outside the boiler room. He looked at her, fearing she was hurt, until she smiled and sat up.
"Wow... what a rush!"
He sighed and put his hand on the bridge of his nose, "Lana... what did you do?"
"Well," She stretched and stood up, dusting the soot off of her pants, "I noticed the output on the old boiler was a bit wonky, and being that it's getting closer to the holidays I thought, 'man, it would really suck if this thing went out during a snow storm or something,' so I was fooling with the gas intake valve and the pilot light caught all at once, and then," she turned around and made a motion for explosion, "I'd say it's outputting now, right Linc?"
He grabbed her cheeks and looked at her face, "You didn't burn anything did you?"
She chuckled, "Linc, I'm fine! It was mostly just a back blast, besides," she flexed her bare arm at him, "I'm made of much sterner stuff than that!"
"Where's Lizy?!" he shouted in sudden realization.
"Outside," she calmly stated, "You think I'd be dumb enough to work with gasoline and fire with my daughter next door? Come on, Linc."
He looked at her again and sighed, in relief this time, before given her a once over. She was now covered, head to toe, in soot. She was wearing only her overalls and a once red baseball cap, not wanting to ruin any of the clothes Leni made for her, and her proportions were exactly that of her younger twin. She began chuckling again.
"See something you like, tiger," she teased in her husky voice and leaned towards him, showing her bare cleavage under the overalls, the contrast of the filth and her pale skin very apparent to him.
He smiled, "You're filthy."
She froze, realizing what the implication was, and took a step back, "I-It's just soot, I can just take a rag and-"
"Soot can cause cancer," he reminded as he stepped towards her.
She stepped back again, "I-I have some of those orange wipes that will-"
"No, Lana... I think you need to just make this easy on both of us."
She chuckled nervously and turned, immediately attempting to flee further into the basement... but Lincoln's arms were much longer than she anticipated and she was quickly thrown over his shoulder, "Oh no you don't."
She began kicking, "Damn you and your big, stupid arms!"
He smiled, "All the better to wash you with, my dear."
"Lincoln, no! Please! I-I already had a bath this week!"
"Then you should have fooled with the boiler before then," he suggested as he walked up the stairs.
"I-I..." she babbled, "I'll let you do anything!" she tried to put her sultry voice on, "I'll let you do... anything... even let you put it in-"
He slapped her ass, calling her to yelp, "No bargaining, only bath."
She growled and began punching his shoulders, "Put me down, you big bully!"
"Dad?" Lizy piped up as she crossed her parents in the hallway as she reentered the complex, "What're you doing to mom?"
"Baby!" Lana gasped and held out her ash covered arms, "My salvation! Save me! Your father is being cruel and unusual!"
"Your mother needs a bath," he noted as he smacked her rear again, causing another yelp.
"But she already had a shower this week," Lizy offered.
"My angel!"
"She's covered in soot."
Lizy tilted her head, "So? Isn't that just dirt?"
"It causes cancer."
"Mom's going to die?!"
"Don't listen to him, baby!" She extended her arms, "Think of all the good times hunting monsters with Charles the 3rd! We could go again right now!"
"She could if we don't get this garbage off of her skin," he pinched her butt now, "With soap! And water!"
She hissed like a cat in response, Lizy thought about it but only for a moment, "You're on your own mom..."
"TRAITOR!" she yelled.
"Go play with your sisters, Liz, it'll only be a few."
"Okay daddy, love you mom!"
"I raised a Benedict! A Judas! How could you!" she lashed more as Lincoln kicked in the bathroom door, locked it, and blocked it with a chair.
She immediately made a break for it and was promptly pushed into the shower and sat down as her brother pulled the buckles of her overalls, freeing her pale, sootless breasts and pink inverted nipples from her overalls and he took his shirt off as well.
"Now... we're going to do this one way or the other," he slid his pants and boxers off, sitting down across from her in the shower, "You can kick, scream, and fight, and still get washed as well as get your feelings hurt, or," he patted his thigh, "You can come here, get your shoulders rubbed, your body washed, and whatever else you want for being a good girl."
She blushed at being called a good girl and looked away, she sighed, stood up, and slid her overalls the rest of the way down, freeing her round and thick rear and wide hips from the denim, sitting on her brothers lap bashfully as he turned on the water.
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Lana was running through the house, excited with a new animal she had found while digging through the mud. It was a brown and yellow Butler's Garter snake that she hadn't caught before. She was running fast enough that her yellow pigtails were flowing behind her and she had to hold her red ballcap on... all to brag to her younger twin about her discovery.
"Lola!" she shouted as she pushed through the door, "Check out this snake!"
"Lana Loud," Lola calmly stated as she ran a brush through her hair at her vanity, "If I turn around and there's a snake in your hand I will end it, then you. Why don't you show Lynn or Lincoln?"
Lana sucked her teeth, "Lynn doesn't care about my animals, she only cares about the mud part," she looked away, "And you know how hard it is to get ahold of Lincoln now..."
"Haven't you caught all the snakes in our yard anyway," she asked as she put Lip gloss on.
"Not him! I think he's new! His pattern is a little different that Sam or Steven, and he's not long enough to be Seth or Scooch... I need to think of a new name for this guy... God... Lincoln is so much better at this name thing than I am. Doesn't he always seem so busy all the time?"
Lola smiled at the last part and began spraying herself with perfume, "Well, maybe."
Lana tilted her head, "What are you doing anyway?"
"I'm pre preparing for my date tomorrow," she bragged, "with Lincy"
"What?!" Lana stomped, "Not fair! I want to spend time with Linc! It feels like I haven't seen him in weeks!"
Just as she said that Lincoln rounded the corner, in route to his room to find something to soften the blow to Lucy, "Hey Lana, cool new snake!"
She snapped back, "Lincoln!" She rushed in front of him blocking him from his door.
"What's up, need help naming the snake?"
"Forget that! Are you spending time with Lola tomorrow?!"
"Well... yeah, why?"
"Can I come?!"
"No way!" Lola shouted from behind him, "This is supposed to be us time, nobody else's!"
Lana glared at her sister and turned back to her brother, a defeated look in her eyes. Lincoln couldn't leave her in this state, much to his own annoyance.
"Lucy's going to kill me," he mumbled, "How about you and I have a day to ourselves the day after that?"
Lana's eyes lit up, "You mean it?!"
"Sure... and I'm thinking Sullie for the new snake, how's that?"
"Yes! Oh... and I guess Sullie works!" Lana cheerfully bounced back down the stairs, "You hear that Sullie?! Me and Linc are spending time together in two days!"
Lincoln smiled momentarily before he heard a voice behind him hiss, "Lincoln," he turned to see Lucy, glaring at him with her piercing blue eyes behind her bangs, "Is there something you need to tell me?"
He chuckled nervously as he entered the room. It would still be a few years before Lola and Lana figured out what their siblings were doing... but there was one person who already knew who hadn't made it known yet. A small camera, practically invisible to the naked eyes, zoomed in as Lucy made her displeasure known with the news Lincoln had given her by throwing him onto his own bed and climbing on top of him as the small girl behind the monitor made more notes in another book with Biggums blaring in the background of her bunker. She looked at the two new files, labeled Lana and Lola, and sighed as she put them in the drawer slightly separated by ones labeled with her other older siblings names.
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Lana stumbled slightly out of the bathroom in a loose bathrobe and freshly braided hair, past Lori who looked in to see Lincoln putting his shirt on, watching as he rubbed a bite mark on his neck.
"What the hell? She lives in the basement with Lucy so she picks up her biting habit?"
"She says it's imprinting," Lincoln smiled as he stretched, "At least she didn't make me get her leash out."
"Jeez," Lori crossed her arms, "I live in a family of freaks."
Lincoln grinned and put his hand on the small of her back, "You're one to talk."
Lori rolled her eyes smiling, "Look, just because I have very specific tastes in men-"
"That taste being like your brother."
"Don't tease me, Lincoln," Lori warned.
Lincoln went to say something but was stopped by a buzzing noise. He pulled his phone out of his pocket only to see a picture of Lisa holding Lulu with a message beneath it:
'Your presence is required in my Lab immediately, your expertise is required.'