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Once the others had returned we moved further into the town. There was so much noise compared to the wilder land beyond. In place of bird song, the rushing river and rustling leaves there were crowds, stall owners selling their wares and music pouring from establishments. The whole place thrummed with life. Every cobble had to have seen so much of this world passing by, stepping on it or over it. It made my mind whirl. Beyond that, it didn't feel familiar. Not even an echo. I walked with the group while they sought new supplies and the topic of a place to stay for the night came up, but the further we went, the less I felt I knew. Small snippets seemed at least something I had seen before. Like a bar, or seats out on the cobbles. But not much. I had thought I came from this city, but perhaps that cavern I had seen in flickered memories and sensed in those dark moments, perhaps that had been my main domain. A prison. A tomb.

I stepped closer to Astarion. "Did you know the streets much?"

"What do you mean, Sweet?"

"Well you had to uh… Well, go out and uh hunt, right?"

His jaw tightened and he nodded, the group pausing by a stall where Karlach was bartering for a new blade for her axe. Astarion's ruby eyes lingered on me with question, so I kept going.

My mouth felt dry. "Was it just one route of streets or… Do you like know the city better than that? I just. I dunno, this all feels so foreign, but a little familiar…"

He nodded. "I see. Well, I haven't known these streets in the daylight in over two centuries, so in that sense it is novel indeed."

Of course. I felt foolish immediately, looking around the sun washed walls and light dappled cobbles. He had only known these things in darkness. Under moonlight or lantern glow.

He cleared his throat. "But yes, I knew the city well. Beyond being Cazador's errand boy, I had grown up here. A Baldariun through and through." He smirked.

"How's it feel to be here in the sunlight again?"

"Nostalgic. Painful. Wonderful." He sighed and shrugged. "All manner of things really. But unfortunately right now I'm just wary, any one of these taverns could be housing some of my siblings, hiding from the sun if they hadn't got home in time, or simply sent out to linger while the search for me continues. It isn't likely that we'll see them before dark but… Not impossible."

I touched his hand briefly. "We won't let them hurt you."

He chuckled, touching back for a moment. "Appreciated, Little One. Very much so. I wish to take the fight to Cazador, but I admit, without this band of miscreants, and without you more specifically, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to enter the city at all. Feels like putting my head in a noose."

My eyes scanned the streets, wondering if he was right. Did these walls nearby hide his siblings, his fellow Spawn sent to reclaim him for that deranged ritual? Maybe. Probably. But as much as I intended to defend Astarion, to keep him free, I had to admit my disadvantage. I'd never fought a vampire before. Spawn or not, they were formidable.

The group moved onto a stall with various baked goods, and both Gale and Shadowheart looked ready to cry at the beauty of it all.

I nudged Astarion. "Any tips on uh… defending you against your siblings?"

He eyed me. "I'm glad to hear you're not assuming it'll be easy."

"I'm missing 95% of my life from my memories, but that doesn't make me an idiot."

He chuckled. "Indeed, not. My main suggestion would be, don't hesitate. If you need to attack, or even see a Spawn, do so. They will be fast, very fast. While I prefer the shadows, many of my siblings are fine with a more upfront approach. And they will kill you. You are nothing but food to them. Food for their master."

And as much as I think he tried to present it in a chilling manner, the sadness crept into place. As much as he must have been forced to see people, just like me, as that for so long, clearly he didn't want to. His own world was one built on a need for blood now, but he still didn't want to see people like that. Not really. The aloof nature was paper-thin, wasn't it? I didn't just touch the back of his hand that time, I couldn't stand to keep it so brief. No. I grabbed his hand and held on tight. He swallowed hard, eyes tight as he stared at the baked goods instead of me. No doubt he was scared. Of being in the city, of feeling so small, but also having just shared so much. He was reaching. I had to hold on.

I squeezed. "Take a breath."

He closed his eyes, his hold on my hand too tight for a moment. "Remind me, how does one do that again?"

I ached to pull him aside, to take him somewhere secluded and wrap him up in my arms, to hold him close until he could breathe easier. But it wouldn't be so simple. Not until Cazador's eyes were glazed in death. Not until we painted him a pretty shade of red. I shivered at the trace of that darkness within me, trickling down my spine, but I didn't fight it off entirely either. That ferociousness would come in handy when we faced the Vampire Lord. When we made Astarion's freedom complete. To do that I would let that darkness in, let it thrill through my veins and push me harder against the fight. Let that deranged nature drive me. Just for that fight. Just to serve my purpose in helping Astarion. And then it would be stamped back down. Yes. For him, I would let that beast rage free, even if only a little.

I leaned into him. "You remember all that you've done so far, all you've overcome. And all that he lied to you about, to keep you down. He had to hold on so tight, so firm, because he knew how great you could be. And now you know it too."

He chuckled. "Now, now, I always knew tha–"

"No. You didn't."

His lips closed and he frowned, looking down.

I tapped his chin so he met my gaze. "You learned it when you managed to stop drinking from me, when you felled enemies for your own sake and the sake of allies. When you endured the horrors of an Illithid kidnapping and torment and continued anyway. We have faced a god and won. You can face that withered husk of a bastard too."

He stared at me so hard. No, I think he was actually staring into me. And I felt just as held as I had that night we shared outside the city. Wanted. Seen. Valued. My heart hammered in my chest and I wanted to step in and seal that moment with a kiss, as fiery and desperate as my racing heart wanted. But I didn't. Because this wasn't a moment for my wants, this was a moment for him.

His hand grazed my cheekbone again before the group moved on once more. "You are a wonder, Little One."

ASTARION POV

Tell her the truth. Tell her the truth. TELL. HER. THE. TRUTH.

His mind roared at him as they walked on, stopping at stalls, resupplying, keeping careful watch over the bustling streets. And all the while, despite her shaken state, her eyes kept landing on him. Checking on him. Making sure he was alright and not afraid. Small touches of her hand. Little quirks of her lips into smiles. It maddening. As much as being within the city was making his blood boil and nerves spark, she was making guilt bore into his– He stopped. No. She wasn't doing that. How dare he? This wasn't Amaya's doing. It was his own. His guilt was nothing to do with her, and entirely to do with his own cowardice.

They came to a cluster of taverns. At night the street would be calmer, the tables and chairs further into the street and the hubbub smoother, clinking glasses interrupted by the odd bout of laughter and perhaps even song. He stilled. Their tavern was just across the way. Like any of the others on the street, but not to him. Not to his memory. They had sat by that wall, talked for hours, laughed and shared wine. Inside they had spoken of so much, confided so many things, and up the stairs enjoyed each other's company to bliss many times. And of course the basement. Probably still containing traces of her precious blood.

But there was no reason to think the group would pick that tavern among all the others on offer. It wasn't particularly special. It was simply by habit he and Amaya had kept going there.

Gale turned to the rest of the group and smiled. "Shall we?"

And the damned wizard gestured to that tavern. Astarion kept his mask in place as best he could, but in that moment he wished to reach out and strangle the wizard till he turned as purple as his tunic. Going back to that place, would it trigger her memories? Would she realise their history before he had the chance to say it? He prayed not. Anything but that.

"Astarion?" Amaya… Amne, she stopped and turned back to him, a questioning raise of her brows. "You alright?"

"Yes, quite." He fell into step with her.

"Don't worry, we'll check the place thoroughly."

He nodded, glad for her to make such assumptions for the time being. With every step towards the tavern he ached deeper in his heart. Why hadn't he told her already? He should have said on one of their many patrols together. Quiet moments when she might have let him explain. Now? Now she might realise on her own and assume the worst. Now, she might truly hate him. He clenched his hands and set his teeth together. As soon as they got rooms, he would ask to speak with her privately. He had to say it. Had to explain. Had to avoid losing her forever due to his own foolishness and cowardice.

Or he could suggest moving further into the city…

"I say, shouldn't we get further in before hunkering down?"

The group slowed and looked to him.

He shrugged. "Is it not the first place those seeking us would be looking, the area in which all the newcomers are gathering. It's most obvious place to try and blend in."

Gale chuckled. "I see. Well, as much as the strategy makes sense, Astarion, I can't say I agree. Here we can blend in easier, as you say, but also those storm clouds up there don't exactly look inviting. And within a few minutes everyone is going to be scrambling for a room for the night. I say we grab what we can now."

Overheard thunder rolled.

Karlach tilted her head. "You wantin' us to scout the place out first? Worried your Spawny brethren might be kicking about inside?"

Astarion pursed his lips. "It's crossed my mind."

Lae'zel nodded and held a hand out. "Very well, stay here and we shall check the building is secure before acquiring rooms. We shall come collect you before making arrangements. Wait here with Amne."

And they went in, spreading out to investigate on his behalf. He stared after them. His panic remained, and it spread to those other people, those other allies he had known on the road, in fights, and in the dark. Since the nautiloid, a lot of the time he had treated them like background characters and had assumed they would be doing the same for him. But no. There they were, taking his fears seriously. Far more seriously than anyone in his supposedly real family ever had.

Amaya took his hand again and they stepped to the side, so close to where they had sat together all that time before.

She kept her eyes scanning the street. "See? It's not just me keen to keep you safe."

"I have to talk to you." He swallowed hard. "It's important. Before we go in there, before we make arrangements for rooms or anything like that."

She glanced at him, raising a brow, before her gaze returned to the street. "You sound panicked."

"I suppose I am. But I really do mean it, Little One. We must speak."

"And we will. We always do." She winked, too preoccupied in protecting him to realise she had to be wary of him. But they would speak. She had agreed. He just had to hold onto the hope he could say it before she realised. His tongue itched to say it there and then, but the last thing they needed was for Amaya to be scared of him and go running into the streets alone. Orin would have her in moments. Or worse, Gortash. The man had looked at Amaya like a prized pig hanging in a butchers window. No. Astarion would say it, but somewhere he could keep her safe.

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