Chapter 48 – everybody loves the Ozai burgers
Zuko sighed, standing at the mirror and trying his best to adjust the ridiculous polka dotted bowtie around his neck, a task made far more difficult by his trembling fingers. It was Wednesday afternoon and he and Jet were back in Ba Sing Se, with Zuko preparing for the most important dinner invitation of his life. Ozai was awaiting him at his Upper Ring estate in an hour's time, and yet all that Zuko could think about were far-fetched excuses to somehow wriggle out of spending time with his father.
Zuko was still uselessly fidgeting in front of the mirror when Jet poked his head into the room and gave a low wolf-whistle. "Looking good there, Zuko," Jet grinned.
"Well, at least there's that, because I certainly don't feel good," Zuko groaned. He hadn't eaten a single bite since getting up this morning, all for fear of throwing up. The anxiety that Azula had warned him about was definitely hitting Zuko hard by now. "Maybe I can text my father and get him to postpone the whole thing," Zuko suggested weakly.
"What? Don't be ridiculous," Jet laughed, shaking his head. "Look, I get that you're nervous, but it's only a few hours, right? You just have to endure and get through the evening."
"If you think it's that simple, maybe you should go in my stead," Zuko grumbled. "We could do some kind of crazy makeup for the scar. I'm sure my father wouldn't even notice he's not talking to me. After the accident he likes looking at me even less than before."
"If I only thought it could work, I would totally take your place. Unfortunately, I think it's too much of a risk," Jet shrugged. "Anyway, it's too late to get cold feet, Zuko. You need to stop thinking about what your father might do. Instead, simply focus on the prize, okay? Remember what's in it for us once you seal the deal and your father forks over a chunk of his fortune."
"Right, the fortune," Zuko sighed, resisting a roll of his eyes. Since Zuko had never known financial hardship, he had initially found Jet's obsession with Ozai's money more than a little gross. It had taken Zuko quite the effort to understand where Jet's materialism was coming from. Jet had never in his life possessed more than a couple of hundred dollars in his bank account. He had always lived either on welfare or paycheck to paycheck, and even during Jet's childhood, his parents had struggled to bring in enough money to always have food on the table. Both of Jet's parents had been heavy drinkers and smokers, and their neglect had pushed Jet into stealing to feed himself from a very young age. It wasn't really surprising that Jet was so determined to make himself financially secure.
"Yes, the fortune," Jet said insistently. "It's going to be so much fun blowing through your father's money. I thought we agreed on that."
"I mean… yeah, I like being able to afford nice things," Zuko shrugged. "But there's a saying about money that simply falls into your lap and how it will never make you happy."
"I don't know who says that, but they're clearly stupid," Jet snorted. "Money that falls into your lap is the best kind of money. Also, I disagree that we didn't work for it. We both schemed and plotted really hard to beat Azula and win this competition. We deserve this reward."
"You're probably right about that," Zuko conceded. "But just theoretically… if there was no money in the picture, what would you do?" Zuko asked, turning around to face Jet.
"What do you mean?" Jet replied with a question of his own.
"Would you stick around with me in Ba Sing Se?" Zuko asked pointedly.
"Right," Jet rolled his eyes. "Do you want an honest or vaguely evasive answer?"
"Maybe it's best if you don't answer at all," Zuko shrugged.
"Yes, exactly. It's a very stupid hypothetical, Zuko," Jet said sternly. "The whole competition would have made no sense whatsoever without the monetary rewards. Like, why would you put yourself through a dehumanizing competition against your own sister if there wasn't something like a huge fortune at stake?"
"Well, if our father had conditioned us from a very young age that his approval is the most important thing in the world, and that Azula and I should always fight each other for said approval, maybe then the financial rewards wouldn't feel as important to us as they appear to you," Zuko suggested.
"I mean… that sounds like a huge stretch, Zuko," Jet shrugged. "I just can't imagine parental approval being more important than money in your pocket. My parents were extremely approving whenever I brought them a stolen bottle of liquor or a pack of smokes. It never felt like a big deal."
"Our experiences growing up could not have been more different, it seems," Zuko sighed.
"Yeah, unlike you I missed out on the whole silver spoon in my mouth," Jet said. "That's why I'm really counting on you to deliver now, Zuko. Please, don't let me down, not after everything we've gone through to make it this far," Jet added pleadingly.
"I hear you," Zuko nodded. He understood where Jet was coming from, but at the same time, Jet was pushing him towards doing something that Zuko's entire being was starting to resist more and more firmly. Zuko didn't blame Jet for not realizing just what he was really asking for, though. How could anyone who hadn't been there truly understand the toxicity of his and Azula's childhood?
"So, you'll go through with it as we discussed?" Jet asked hopefully.
"I'll try," Zuko sighed. "But regardless of what happens with my father, I promise you one thing, Jet. I swear that I'll make sure you won't regret helping me win the competition," Zuko told a slightly skeptical looking Jet before returning to his dinner preparations. The time to depart for the meeting with his father was upon Zuko, and despite Jet's insistence on the contrary, Zuko still could only think of how to escape the ominous fate of being officially proclaimed his father's heir.
Katara was in a good mood as another busy Wednesday at The Northern Lights came to a close. At the end of a frantic but satisfying day that saw a lot of new customers, most likely due to Azula really pushing the restaurant on her social media, Katara and some of her friends were once again hanging out at the upstairs apartment, decompressing following a hugely successful day for the restaurant.
With Azula sitting tightly by her side on the loveseat, Katara couldn't stop the majority of her thoughts drifting towards the Fire Nation girl who was determined to prove that she wanted to be a part of Katara's life going forward. Needless to say, Katara was very eager to be convinced of Azula's earnest motives, and so far, Azula was doing a good job of reassuring Katara's fears. Katara wasn't sure how much longer she could maintain Azula's exile to the sofa, but she definitely didn't want to drag it out past the upcoming weekend.
Over the past couple of days since the party celebrating Azula's return, Azula had been hanging out at the restaurant the whole time, pitching in where needed and acting in a similar advisory role like during her past few months in Caldera. Still, Azula was not formally on the books at the restaurant, and this was something that Katara was eager to take up with Sokka before the week was through. As owners, they had to make the executive decision of whether to officially employ Azula or not.
Even though the question seemed like a no-brainer on the surface, the truth was that due to the changes Azula had implemented, the restaurant was now functioning perfectly with the staff they already had, so officially, The Northern Lights were currently not hiring. However, Azula's culinary talents and industry insights were second to none and Katara understood that it would be incredibly shortsighted not to take advantage of all the improvements that Azula could bring to their business. Also, Katara wanted to sort this situation as soon as possible to avoid adding to Azula's anxiety, because she probably already felt a little insecure and stuck in a kind of limbo.
The timing could have been a little better because Sokka was extremely busy this week with the basement renovations that needed to be finished by next Monday. Mingxia's apprenticeship with Ursa at The Jasmine Dragon was coming to an end, and all the paperwork had already been signed for Mingxia to start working next week as The Northern Lights pastry chef. This was the reason why Sokka was currently in a mad rush to put all the finishing touches on the pastry chef's station down in the basement.
Azula wasn't the only volunteer hanging around the restaurant this week, however. The party on Monday had forged wholesome connections between the crews of the two formerly competing restaurants. With The Blue Spirit now out of business, its former employees had also been pitching in over the past few days. Katara wasn't sure whether it was because they hoped to get employed, but she already knew that they would not be able to take on everyone. Still, it seemed like The Blue Spirit crew just wanted to stick together before moving on to the next step in their respective journeys, and Katara wasn't going to deny a group of friends this opportunity, especially when her restaurant got something out of the arrangement. Even with the Fire Nation not having as strong social safety net as the Water Tribes, the unemployment cheques would last The Blue Spirit crew for a couple of months, so there was plenty of time for them to find new jobs.
Katara was probably the most grateful for Mai's presence at the restaurant. Mai had already given Sokka some useful creative accounting tips and tricks. And with Sokka being so busy with the basement renovations, Mai pitching in with the books and inventory came at the exactly right moment. Also, Mai hanging out with them was doing wonders for the morale of both Azula and Ty Lee, as the three childhood besties clearly enjoyed this unexpected opportunity to spend more time together. Even now, aside from Sokka and Ty Lee who lived at the upstairs apartment, Mai was the only one hanging out with them, in no rush to head home as they worked on polishing off the opened bottles of wine that could no longer be used in tomorrow's service.
During the party on Monday, Katara had gotten to know everyone on The Blue Spirit crew, and she had to admit that they were all very nice, even that oddball Ruon-Jian Ogawa. Katara still couldn't figure out what his actual qualifications were, but she knew that Sokka was grateful to have someone helping him with the renovations. Ruon-Jian's greatest asset so far appeared to be his vast collection of cat videos, of which he seemed to have something for every possible occasion.
On Ji had been warmly embraced by the kitchen staff, and Azula had to admit that the girl certainly had the skills to rival Suki. Azula didn't think much of Zuko's mentoring skills because he clearly didn't have the right temperament for it, but it was clear that On Ji had picked up a lot from her brother, which fortunately didn't include some of Zuko's worst habits like laziness and unwillingness to prep. In any case, it was clear that On Ji would be snapped up quickly once she put herself out on the job market.
Lastly, that left Ty Lee and Jin, the waitresses of The Blue Spirit. Katara had already embraced Ty Lee's brand of zaniness, but she had to admit that Jin definitely set the dial for crazy way higher than even Ty Lee. The pair had been quite eager to help Katara and Yue wait the tables, but Katara had politely declined the offer. Katara really liked the two girls, but she didn't think that their unique approach to waitressing fit the kind of image that they had been cultivating at The Northern Lights, and that image certainly didn't include having your tits out and in the customer's face while serving them.
Ty Lee and Jin had taken the rejection in stride, though. They had immediately started hammering out other ideas to earn some cash, which included starting a joint OnlyFans account. Katara had desperately tried to avoid learning details about that, but she had already accidentally overheard rumors about racy lesbian content getting posted. After enjoying Jin as his birthday gift, Katara didn't really expect Sokka to raise any objections about his girlfriend's sexy side hustle, and it was clear that he was probably somehow benefitting from the current arrangement as well.
With all this entertaining chaos unfolding around them, Katara was about to suggest to Azula that they finally make the short drive back to their apartment, when Mai suddenly turned their attention to something on the TV. Katara had ignored the background noise of the evening news, but it seemed as if Mai had noticed something curious. "Have you heard about that prison break?" Mai asked, pointing at the TV screen. The caption at the bottom said something about a mass escape at the Lake Laogai Maximum Security Prison.
"This is the first time I'm hearing about it," Azula replied, looking rather surprised as she tried to focus in on the story. "I wonder what happened? That prison was supposed to be impenetrable."
"The volume was down so I wasn't sure if I heard it correctly," Mai said, grabbing the remote and turning the volume right up. "But it seems like in many prisons, they like to bring some of the inmates on the kitchen staff. Apparently, someone used stolen kitchen utensils to dig a tunnel under a wall that was structurally weaker. It seems like they had been working on that tunnel for decades."
"Hmm, someone on the kitchen staff and with determination to work on their escape plan for decades, that's ominous," Azula mused, frantically typing on her phone.
"It's still an underwater prison, isn't it?" Sokka asked in disbelief. "Even if they dug a tunnel under a wall, how would they actually get out without drowning? I saw a caption saying that more than a hundred of prisoners escaped? Did they just swim out through a tunnel? That sounds incredibly dangerous."
"Apparently, the mastermind behind this plot had over the years crafted dozens upon dozens of breathing apparatuses from cow udders," Azula mused, reading an article on her phone. "They had one for every inmate. These are some genius level preparations that are making me very concerned."
"But still, it must have taken several hours for more than a hundred inmates to swim out through a narrow tunnel, cow udders or not!" Katara exclaimed. This insane plan was making her head spin when she thought about it.
"This mastermind apparently distracted the guards by baking an obscene life-size cake of two midgets shitting in a bucket," Mai shrugged. "Anyway, Azula… going back to what you said. Wasn't Lake Laogai the prison where they threw that crazy chef? You're not thinking that it could be her behind this breakout?"
"That's what I'm thinking and that's what I've been trying to find out, but they're not listing the names of the escapees anywhere," Azula said. "Still… this has the fingerprints of Hama Aappalaarpoq all over it."
"Hama Aappalaarpoq?" Katara blinked. "Who the heck is Hama Aappalaarpoq?"
"Thirty years ago, Hama Aappalaarpoq was the most sought-after chef in the culinary circles of the world," Azula lectured. "She had cooking schools in several cities all over the world, and enrolling in one of her schools would cost you a small fortune. My grandfather, Azulon Nakamura, paid my father's tutorship fees to make sure that he got to study under Hama. That woman might just be the main reason why my father has achieved so much during his career."
"Alright, but why would a celebrity chef from thirty years ago end up in a maximum-security prison at Lake Laogai?" Katara asked in disbelief.
"Sounds like she was pretty rich," Sokka mused. "It was probably tax evasion. Always the case with rich scumbags."
"Good guess, but you're off the mark," Mai smirked. "I remember the story well because Azula used to tell it to me and Ty Lee often when we were younger."
"Oh yeah, I'm starting to remember now," Ty Lee snapped her fingers. "There were rumors about her apprentices often disappearing without trace, right?"
"Wait, what?" Sokka blinked. "This Hama was killing her apprentices?"
"Oh, it went way darker than that," Mai chuckled, looking very amused. "She wasn't just killing them. She then harvested them for meat and used it to perfect some of her recipes for cooking with humans."
"She was a celebrity cannibal chef?" Katara exclaimed. "This is the wildest story I have ever heard in my life."
"It gets even better," Azula chuckled. "It was actually my father who exposed and brought her down."
"Wait, Ozai Nakamura was once a good guy, taking down the wicked and nasty cannibal cook?" Sokka wondered, frowning with suspicion.
"Hardly," Azula burst into laughter. "He exposed Hama completely by accident. One evening, my father snuck into Hama's private chambers because he wanted to steal her culinary secrets. He found some of her private recipes and he was sure that he had struck gold. It was only later when he realized that some of those recipes were for cooking humans, and he handed the pages over to the police. Hama was apprehended shortly afterwards."
"Oh, and Azula?" Ty Lee spoke up again. "Don't forget the part about the trial! You know, where Hama swore to take revenge on your father for exposing her?"
"You're right, that did happen," Azula nodded.
"Do you think your father could be in danger, Azula?" Katara asked with slightly forced concern because she wasn't exactly sweating about Ozai Nakamura's wellbeing.
"Obviously not, he's always surrounded by his private security detail," Azula shrugged confidently. "There's absolutely no reason to believe that my father could become steak tartare on Hama's new and improved menu for friendly neighborhood cannibals."
Zuko stood on the steps leading up to his father's Upper Ring mansion, waiting for his heart to stop galloping inside his chest and for his heartrate to come down. Ozai's angry yelling was still ringing in Zuko's ears and he couldn't shake it off, despite having been standing there for several minutes already.
Obviously, his father hadn't taken Zuko's decision well. Zuko hadn't expected any other reaction other than to be yelled at, called names and then also getting stripped from his inheritance. All of these things had happened just as Zuko had predicted. At this point, he felt a growing sense of relief that his father hadn't physically attacked him, which had felt like a very real possibility at the time. And Zuko had been ready to fight back, not like that time when his father had given him the nasty burn scar marring half of his face.
Despite still shaking with nerves, Zuko was gradually starting to feel something similar to what Azula had described experiencing after she had walked out on their father. Unburdened from the weight of heavy expectations, Zuko suddenly found himself feeling strangely lightheaded, almost like he was an untethered balloon full of hot air, finally having the freedom to fly away wherever he pleased.
Of course, Jet would not take Zuko's decision well, that was also an easy prediction to make. Zuko was stuck staring at his phone, reluctant to make the call, even if he knew there was no going around it. Maybe there was still a chance that Jet would understand and decide to stick around? But no, he would probably resent Zuko for having thrown away everything they had worked for together.
As Zuko finally made his way down the stone steps and towards the gate leading away from his father's splendorous mansion, he let out a heavy sigh and finally gathered enough courage to make a call to Jet. "Hey," Zuko said, trying to keep a neutral tone of voice. "I'm done with the meeting. Where are you? Can you come pick me up?"
"How did it go?" Jet replied with a question of his own, ignoring Zuko's inquiries. "No, wait, don't tell me. We should meet because I also have exciting news for you."
"Alright," Zuko said, wondering what kind of news Jet could possibly have for him. After they had parted earlier, Jet had mentioned something about going on a shopping spree, so maybe it had something to do with that. "I'm close to the Royal Plaza, can you come and pick me up there?" Zuko asked.
"Sure, that works out perfectly," Jet replied. "Be there in ten," he added, sounding excited.
It took Zuko only a few minutes to make it to the plaza. Once there, he sat down on a nearby bench, waiting for their dark blue rent Bentley to show up. While waiting, Zuko remembered about some of the breathing exercises taught to him by his uncle Iroh and used them to calm himself down further. The impressive sight of the nearby Royal Palace of Ba Sing Se also served as a nice distraction for Zuko. Back when he and Azula were too young to be pitted against each other, Zuko remembered their mother often bringing them on walks around the royal plaza. Of course, by now it was almost ninety years since the palace was the seat of power for the last remaining royalty and it had been converted into a parliament house several decades ago. The politics of Ba Sing Se had been dominated by the governing Dai Li party for as long as Zuko could remember. They were an incredibly corrupt bunch of rich old men, so it was no wonder that his father got along with the Dai Li like a house on fire.
After a few more minutes of waiting, a car suddenly showed up at the plaza, but it was not Zuko's rent Bentley. Instead, it was one of those ugly silver colored Cybertrucks, mass produced by the eccentric crypto-bro billionaire Leon Skum. His father was a big fan of Skum and considered him a role model, while Zuko despised everything Skum stood for, including his stupid, ugly four-wheeled death traps. As far as Zuko was concerned, only an idiot would buy a Cybertruck. Zuko felt especially validated in his opinion when the dumbass owner of the Cybertruck started doing donuts nearby, almost as if trying to impress Zuko.
"What a complete douchebag," Zuko growled as the Cybertruck finally stopped moving and the douchebag driver got out of the car. The driver was none other than Jet, grinning broadly at Zuko.
"How do you like it?" Jet beamed, approaching Zuko. "I've always wanted one of these babies for us, and now that we have your daddy's cash, we can finally afford it! It drives like a… like a…" Jet froze for a moment, struggling to find something positive to say. "Well, it certainly drives."
"Yes, it's definitely a… Cybertruck," Zuko nodded, still trying to recover from his mild state of shock. The car looked more like a large metal coffin than an actual vehicle, but Jet was clearly over the moon about it and Zuko didn't want to say something upsetting, not with the news he was about to drop on Jet. "So… this is the news you wanted to share with me? That you bought us a Cybertruck?"
"That's right," Jet nodded. "Isn't it great?" Zuko nodded absentmindedly. "Anyway, how did it go with Ozai? All smooth and according to plan?" Jet asked.
"Not exactly according to the plan," Zuko sighed. "But I got out alive, so it definitely could have gone worse. I'm disinherited, though."
Jet laughed. "That's so funny. For a moment there, I was sure you said that you were disinherited."
"That's right," Zuko nodded. "I did say that."
Jet went worryingly pale. "But… but why?" he gasped. "What the fuck, Zuko? You said you were going to take the offer!"
"Actually, you kept badgering me to take the offer, and I just didn't want to fight you about it," Zuko replied. "I thought it was very clear that I didn't want to go through with it."
"Well, maybe you should have mentioned that before I bought a fifty-thousand-dollar Cybertruck!" Jet shouted. "I don't have that kind of money lying around!" Jet looked heartbroken as he stared longingly at his new vehicle. "I guess I'll just have to bring her back…"
"Don't," Zuko spoke up suddenly. "I have savings… there should be just enough to pay for the car. You should have it, Jet. You really did work very hard for me to win the competition, and I don't want you to feel like it was all for nothing. Let this Cybertruck be my gift to you."
"That's… well, that's… very decent of you," Jet managed, looking moved. "Anyway… what now?" he asked uncertainly.
"Well, I'm going to do what Azula did and return to Caldera," Zuko shrugged. "All my remaining family is there now. And I'll see about resurrecting The Blue Spirit or starting a new business from the scratch. You're welcome to join me, Jet."
"Yeah, right," Jet scoffed. "Help you, so that you can throw it all away later on a whim? I think not," he rolled his eyes. Jet's expression then softened slightly. "Listen, I'm really thankful for the car, but… I'll be honest, I think you made a big mistake today, one that you'll regret later. I just want to be clear on that."
"Heard," Zuko replied. "Well, in that case… I guess that's it." They both stood there uncertainly, unsure of how to proceed. "I mean, you don't seem to understand what my father is doing to me and why I had to get away from him. If you think that's something I can just… get over for a big pile of cash, then… well, if we have such a fundamental disagreement, then it's hard to see this working out, right?"
"Right," Jet said, scowling. "This isn't how I imagined it would end, though."
"Yeah," Zuko agreed reluctantly. "So… what are you going to do next?"
"Guess I'll go back to the Fire Nation as well. My little found family are all there, too," Jet said. He then unexpectedly slapped himself in the face. "Ugh, and I didn't even tell Bee and the others where I was going," he groaned. "I think I must have gotten a little carried away with this get rich quick scheme."
"It would appear so," Zuko shrugged. "Well, at least you got a nice car out of it all. Just remember that you can't go back by plane now."
"That's true… it'll take me a week to drive all the way to the western coast and then get on a ferry to the Fire Nation," Jet sighed. "Oh well. I'll have fun on my road trip with this baby," he said, gently patting his Cybertruck. "Seriously, thank you for the gift. I really appreciate it."
"Don't mention it. It was the least I could do," Zuko forced himself to smile. He was now completely broke, but at least the gesture meant that he and Jet could part on somewhat friendly terms, and that was important to Zuko. Maybe in time Jet would come to understand why Zuko had to reject the family fortune and turn his back on the toxic legacy of Ozai Nakamura.
Ozai Nakamura was in the foulest mood of his life following the recent meeting with his no-good useless son. Somehow, despite carefully grooming this rivalry between the designed heir and spare, in the end, they had both walked out in an outrageous act of rebellion. Of course, Ozai didn't doubt for a moment that very soon Azula and Zuko would both be back to grovel at his feet, but as things currently stood, that certainty didn't make him feel less angry and frustrated.
Brimming with annoyance, Ozai looked around the dining room, regretting the decision to dismiss his servants early because he didn't want them listening in on his very important conversation with Zuko. That conversation had turned very heated after Zuko had announced that he wanted to pursue his own path in life, and Ozai had ended up smashing several dishes that now required cleaning up.
Still upset, Ozai paced around the empty estate, trying to come up with an outlet for his frustrations. Right now, all he wanted to do was to punish his rebellious children for their disloyalty, but there was little he could do other than to cut them off from his financial support and hope that it would be damaging enough, because Azula and Zuko were both used to living in luxury. Still, that was the only way he could get to his children, because in every other way they had frustrating put themselves beyond Ozai's reach.
Shink! Shink! Shink!
Ozai stopped in his annoyed pacing, blinking in surprise at the strange noises coming from the estate's kitchen. The estate was supposed to empty aside from Ozai himself, and yet there was the distinct noise of someone sharpening a knife. The idea of a potential home intruder for some reason excited Ozai. Perhaps the hapless visitor would make for a welcome release of Ozai's frustrations. Ozai knew he would be able to get away with doing just about anything to an intruder and then claim self-defense.
"You picked the worst possible night to invade my mansion, freak," Ozai whispered gleefully as he stealthily moved towards the estate's kitchen. Ozai had made it about halfway down the corridor, when the kitchen doors opened with an ominous creak, revealing the intruder. Ozai's excitement evaporated in an instant, to be replaced with sheer horror as he instantly recognized the identity of the intruder. "You… you… no, it can't be!" Ozai gasped, pointing at the elderly Water Tribe woman, sporting an utterly deranged grin. "It's Chef Hama! Help me!" Ozai cried uselessly. "Servants, to me, damn it!".
"Your servants won't help you, boy," Hama grinned, advancing dangerously and whipping out a pair of extremely sharp looking chef's knives. "It's time for me to collect on the promise I made during the trial! Time for you to meet your culinary maker, Ozai!"
"No… NO! Mercy!" Ozai cried, flailing backwards as he tried to flee, but Hama moved with surprising speed, advancing like some revenge thirsting apparition.
"There's nowhere to run, Ozai!" Hama laughed, pouncing on him with her knives at the ready. "And I always get my burgers in the end!" Ozai desperately scampered away, yelling at first in horror, but then in pain as the sharp knives found their target…
"Culinary magnate Ozai Nakamura has been hospitalized in a serious condition after being attacked during a home invasion late last night," the robotic voice of a male TV anchor droned on the screen as Azula and her shocked friends listened in. Azula had already learned about the attack a few hours earlier, but there had been scarcely any details available and she was desperate to learn more.
"Despite his injuries, Mr. Nakamura was able to identify his attacker as one Hama Aappalaarpoq," the equally robotic female TV anchor who looked like a factory mass produced android took over. "Former celebrity chef and convicted cannibal, Hama Aappalaarpoq had recently escaped from the Lake Laogai maximum security prison. In the wake of this attack, the Ba Sing Se police have intensified manhunt prioritizing Hama Aappalaarpoq as a person of particular interest."
"It is believed that despite suffering serious injuries, Ozai Nakamura's condition is not life threatening," the male anchor continued. "We have learned that Hama Aappalaarpoq apparently removed large parts of soft tissue from Ozai Nakamura's thighs and buttocks."
"How horrible!" the female anchor let out a very obviously fake gasp. "Although, we must remind our viewers that during her trial, Hama did threaten that she would get her revenge by making burgers out of Ozai Nakamura's flesh. A practice that we here at BSS News condone in the strongest possible terms."
"Indeed, we do, Diane," the male anchor agreed eagerly. "But hopefully Chef Hama takes good care to make sure those burgers are prepared correctly. I imagine she would not want Ozai Nakamura to show up and start shouting 'My bun burgers are RAW!'"
"What an extremely unprofessional and insensitive attitude by these news anchors," Katara fumed, looking outraged, even if the others looked rather amused by the anchors appearing so excited about human flesh burgers. Katara then shot Azula a deeply sympathetic stare. "Azula, we will of course understand if you want to be with your father during this difficult time," she spoke softly.
Azula burst into laughter that seemed to shock Katara. "I know you mean well, Katara, but please don't be ridiculous," Azula shook her head. "Do you really think that my father even wants me there? He'd start yelling as soon as I showed my face. No, I'm staying right where I am. Ozai is going to be fine. He has the best medical assistance money can buy. And nobody has ever died from the lack of butt."
"Plenty of women on TikTok would disagree with you on that," Suki quipped.
"You may be right," Azula snorted. "Anyway, I'm mostly wondering about where Zuko was when all this happened. He hasn't been mentioned in any of the news articles."
"Do you think that this Hama might have eaten him already?" Yue gasped. "Have you tried calling or texting your brother?"
"I have tried both," Azula replied, feeling mildly concerned. What if Zuko had been at the estate when Hama struck? But then, surely his presence would have been mentioned by at least some news outlets? "The text messages are not getting delivered."
"His phone is switched off?" Katara wondered, looking very worried now. "That's not a good sign. What if he's been abducted? Maybe we should go to Ba Sing Se and look for him!"
"Umm, you're very good at making me way more worried than I was," Azula gulped. "Still, perhaps it's best that we wait a little more before doing anything rash," she suggested just as her phone buzzed with an incoming text message. "Ah, speak of a dumdum, there's a text from Zuko now," Azula said with relief, quickly checking Zuko's message.
"What is he saying?" Yue asked. Both she and Katara were pressing against Azula, shamelessly trying to read Zuko's message.
"Uh… he wasn't answering my messages because his phone was switched off during a flight," Azula replied. "He just landed in Caldera airport? And I managed to shock him with the news about our father… the story hadn't broken yet when he arrived at the airport in Ba Sing Se."
"That's crazy," Suki remarked. "So why is he back in Caldera?"
"I'm trying to find out, Suki," Azula sighed. "It's a bit hard to both text Zuko and answer your inquiries at the same time, to be perfectly honest."
"Oops, sorry," Yue grinned, dragging Katara away as well. They both sat down on the nearby sofa, giving Azula space to exchange texts with her brother, but the two Water Tribe women looked determined to wring every detail out of Azula as soon as she was done texting.
"Alright… hmm, I see…" Azula hummed thoughtfully even as her fingertips flew around the touchscreen with superhuman speed. "Come on, Zuko, learn to text faster, you Agni-damned noob," Azula groused when her brother struggled to keep up with her questions.
"He's probably checking some news sites for updates on your father's health," Suki suggested.
"I don't know why, I already gave him the Cliff notes," Azula shrugged. "Anyway, we're almost done, I just need to ask him one last thing… let's see here…" she hummed, never stopping to type. "Alright, I think I've learned all I can from Zuko for now," Azula finally sighed, unable to stop herself from grinning. "I had to let him go because he was texting from the airport toilet and there was a large queue forming outside, yelling at him to hurry up. The age-old excuse of constipation will only work for so long."
"Gotta love airport toilets," Suki snorted. "Anyway, you look strangely happy for someone who just learned that her father had his ass cheeks turned into a gourmet burger."
"Well, I actually have a good reason to feel very smug," Azula declared, striking a dramatically pompous pose. "Zuko just told me that he has followed my example and told Ozai to take a hike. I know, I know, my brother is a copycat completely lacking in originality, but it's the outcome that matters. I'm living for the idea of my father's masterplan to create the perfect heir blowing up in his face."
"That's wonderful news, Azula," Yue beamed happily. "I know Zuko gave us a lot of headaches with his crazy scheming, but he doesn't deserve being stuck under your father's thumb."
"I suppose that's true," Azula conceded. Deep inside, she obviously strongly agreed with Yue's statement. "Zuko also came back to Caldera alone. Apparently, he and Jet broke up and he left Jet in Ba Sing Se."
"The Earth Kingdom can keep him," Katara shrugged at that.
"Savage," Suki grinned. "Did Zuko say what he's going to do next?"
"I prodded him about that, but his brain seemed really scrambled from the news about our father," Azula shrugged. "But if you ask me, I don't think Zuko has any idea about what he's going to do next. Zuko's not really big on long term planning. He mentioned being completely broke and texting Iroh to loan him some money, so… that kind of illustrates my point of Zuko being completely rudderless."
"I'm sure your family will stick up for each other now that you have all turned your backs on Ozai," Yue said hopefully.
"Well, I'm not really in any position to help him right now," Azula said, trying to hold back a frown. She still didn't have a clear idea of what role she could take on at The Northern Lights. Azula wasn't sure there even was something available for her, and perhaps she would need to look elsewhere. Azula didn't want to pressure Katara into making a decision, but she was also starting to become a little anxious.
"Sokka and I are discussing something, Azula, don't worry," Katara spoke up, almost as if having heard Azula's anxious thoughts. Azula shot Katara a relieved smile. "Hmm, do you think Mai will take Zuko back now?" Katara wondered. "She's so good at keeping cards close to her chest, but I can tell that a part of her still misses him."
"I'll be honest, I have never been able to tell what's going on with Zuko and Mai," Azula shook her head. "Their relationship has always been a mystery to me. Maybe with my father out of the way and Jet no longer stirring up shit they might have a chance to stay together longer than six months, but I honestly just don't know. It's true that Mai still misses my fool of a brother, but I also think a part of her wants to move on. So, I guess we'll just have to wait and see."
"Maybe Zuko will want to reopen The Blue Spirit," Suki chuckled. "And just like that, before we know it, the rivalry will be back on. Restaurant Competition 2: Electric Boogaloo!"
"Please, don't joke about that, Suki," Yue groaned. "I don't want to deal with any more decomposing rats in the ladies room."
"Well… Zuko might be interested in reopening The Blue Spirit," Azula admitted. "He certainly seemed very down upon learning that Mai had closed the restaurant. But I don't know if Mai's parents would agree to reopen it again." Azula then thought for a while. "Zuko doesn't really know anything else than cooking, so for him it's either opening a restaurant or applying somewhere as a cook. But I'm not going to stand for another restaurant rivalry. If Zuko tries anything like that, I'm going to personally dropkick him back to Ba Sing Se and Ozai."
"Sounds like a good idea," Suki nodded. She then turned towards Yue, giving her girlfriend a soft nudge. "We should probably be on our way, right?" Suki asked. "I know Kiyi is never in a hurry to be relieved from her babysitting duties, but we probably should do that anyway."
"You just want to have a monopoly over the cats," Yue laughed. "Which is understandable, and yes, we should be on our way." Yue and Suki both rose to head for the stairs. "Oh, and Azula?" Yue then stopped right at the top of the stairs. "Kya wanted to know if you're up for a Pai Sho rematch."
"Soon… very soon. I just need to catch up with the latest opening theories," Azula grumbled. "Also, I completely deny Kya's implication that I was very salty after my previous loss."
"Whatever you say, Azula!" Yue laughed, departing together with Suki and leaving Azula and Katara alone in the apartment above The Northern Lights restaurant, with Sokka and Ty Lee having taken the evening off to go clubbing.
"Ugh, don't listen to what she's saying," Azula groaned. "When it comes to losing, I'm the greatest and humblest there are." She then let out a long-suffering sigh. "After all, I've had plenty of experience with losing as of late."
"What, being back here with us makes you feel like a loser?" Katara asked. Azula was relieved to see that the expression on Katara's face was one full of teasing.
"Not at all," Azula snorted. "It makes me feel like I have managed to fail upwards."
Katara burst into laughter. "I guess that's one way to think about it." She then went silent, reaching out and unexpectedly cupping a side of Azula's face, pulling the other woman closer until their lips met in a hungry, slightly messy kiss. "Well… do you still feel like a loser?" Katara grinned after they had reluctantly separated.
"Well…" Azula replied, feeling slightly breathless. "That depends on whether I'm still confined to the sofa or not…"
"Hmm, in that case…" Katara spoke teasingly, giving Azula a promising wink. "Perhaps we should also head home and then you can find out whether you'll have to stay on the sofa or not."