The disclaimer telling you all that I don't own any Ghosts characters is running around somewhere. Except Bob of course. Bob is mine. This takes place the day after the events of The Witch.
We're Going On A Ghost Hunt
It started the day after Halloween. In the kitchen over breakfast. Sam and Jay were finished eating while the ghosts were watching and smelling.
"Well good news," Sam told the ghost gang. "We made almost a thousand dollars from our yard sale! And got rid of a lot of useless junk lying around cluttering up the place."
"Including Patience," Alberta spoke up. "Well, someone had to say it!"
"I'd be lying if I didn't agree with her," Trevor admitted. The other ghosts muttered in agreement.
"The bad news is that we didn't sell everything," Sam sighed. "We still have a lot of stuff."
"Just leave it in the basement," Trevor suggested. "Give the ghosts in the Cholera Pit something new to look at."
"I'm sure if you arrange one or two items in the right way, they would appreciate that," Hetty remarked. "Like a museum for them."
"Yeah, well some of the stuff probably should be in a museum," Sam groaned. "Like the mummy."
Jay picked up on that. "Mummy? What about the mummy? It's a fake mummy, right? Right?"
"Uh…" Sam paused.
Jay blinked. "Sam please tell me you didn't make me touch another corpse!"
"Not as far as the Egyptian government knows," Sam winced.
"Oh God!" Jay groaned. "Not again!"
Pete added. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure having an actual mummy from Egypt is illegal in all sorts of ways."
"You made me lug that thing out of the ballroom out into the yard?" Jay glared at his wife. "And then out of the yard into the basement?"
"To be fair I didn't think it was an actual mummy…" Sam paused. "At least until after the yard sale. Well technically the ghosts told me during the yard sale…"
"You so owe me another favor," Jay told Sam.
"Fair enough," Sam sighed.
"How did we end up with an actual mummy?" Jay asked. "Oh God there isn't a ghost connected with it is there?"
"Well, I haven't seen anyone dressed like Tutankhamun or Cleopatra so…" Sam then turned to the ghosts. "How did that mummy get there? Hetty did you or Elias just…buy a mummy?"
"Of course we didn't just buy a mummy," Hetty waved. "It was a gift from my uncle."
Sam groaned. "Apparently it was a gift from one of Hetty's uncles."
"Well, he was my father's brother so technically both Elias' and my uncle," Hetty added. "He loved to travel. He was an amateur archeologist. At least that was his explanation to the authorities whenever he saw something at a dig he wanted."
"He stole it," Sam told Jay.
"Of course he did," Jay groaned. "Sam we can't keep an actual mummy in our house! I'm pretty sure that's illegal!"
"Well, we've had it for at least three years without anyone knowing," Sam pointed out. "Not to mention Elias' body. And technically Trevor's…And we burned Thor's…"
"How many bodies are on this property?" Jay groaned. "On second thought I don't want to know!"
"Guys we need to check that mummy out," Trevor said. "If there's even a chance that there's a hot Egyptian queen ghost in there…I'm in!"
"You actually think there's a chance that a female ghost we didn't know about is inside a mummy?" Sasappis gave him a look. "A ghost we don't know about? Keeping in mind some of us have been on this property for hundreds of years?"
"Yeah, well half of us didn't know that Patience was here," Alberta said. "And I've been at this joint for almost hundred years!"
"A hundred and thirty years here," Hetty added.
"They have a point," Isaac admitted.
"Not to mention that cryptic sentence Patience uttered," Hetty added. "About other ghosts on the property? That none of us know about!"
"Possibly in the dirt," Alberta shuddered. "Eww…Gives me the creeps just thinking about it."
"Yeah…" Sasappis winced. "That's…troubling. On a lot of levels."
"I suggest a search party," Isaac spoke up. "We check the property and the basement to see if there are any new ghosts!"
"I call the basement," Trevor spoke up. "If there's a hot chick sleeping in that mummy, I want to be the one to wake her up!"
"What's if it's a hot dude?" Alberta scoffed. "I call basement!"
"Ooh a ghost hunt!" Pete perked up. "It could be fun!"
"It would be an interesting diversion from our normal routine," Hetty admitted.
Thorfinn sighed. "Anything different good!"
Isaac decided to delegate. "Thorfinn, Sasappis, Pete…The three of you have the most experience with the outside of the property. You check the permitter and see if you can find anything. The rest of us will check out the basement with Samantha."
"Why me?" Sam asked.
"What do the ghosts want?" Jay asked.
"They want me to check the basement to see if there's a ghost in that mummy," Sam told him. "I don't know why they want me to go with them."
"You're the one who can see ghosts," Jay told her. "I can't be any use."
"He certainly was useful putting the mummy down there," Hetty remarked. "I admit he took more care than most of my servants. And we paid them."
"If there's a ghost in that mummy I want to know and I want you to tell me," Jay told her.
"There's no ghost in that mummy," Sam said. "I think…"
Jay added. "Plus, didn't you tell me that Patience said there were other ghosts on this property? What if they come through the basement?"
"He makes a good point Samantha," Isaac said. "So it's settled. Thorfinn, you lead the expedition outside while the rest of us check the mummy and the inside of the house."
Flower spoke up. "Mummy? What mummy? Sorry I wasn't paying attention. I was just listening to his really groovy song in my head."
Hetty spoke up. "Take Flower with you."
It wasn't long before Thorfinn's group was outside. "Okay so we need to establish a search pattern…" Pete spoke up.
"Thorfinn establish search pattern," Thorfinn told him. "We search. That's the pattern!"
"Why don't we check the area where you guys found Crash's head last year?" Sasappis suggested. "Thorfinn you were there. Can you take us to the spot?"
"You think there might be a clue?" Pete asked.
"Crash did say he swore he saw someone that wasn't us," Sasappis shrugged. "It's worth a shot."
"Good plan," Thorfinn nodded. "Onward!" He stormed through the trees.
"Thor wait up for the rest of us!" Pete called out as he ran to keep up with him.
"Are we hunting butterflies?" Flower asked as she followed. "YAY! I want to pet one!"
"Yeah, this will end well," Sasappis groaned as he brought up the rear. "I could have been watching TV today. But no…I have to go on a ghost hunt! Still beats hanging out in the basement."
Meanwhile down in the basement…
"Hello? Hello! Hello!" Both Trevor and Alberta called out to the mummy as they stood in front of it.
"Anybody in there?" Trevor asked as he waved his hand in front of the mummy.
"Wake up!" Alberta shouted.
"If there is a ghost in there, please come out and identify yourself," Hetty demanded. "As the lady of the house it's proper for you to introduce yourself to me."
"HELLO!" Alberta shouted.
Meanwhile Sam and Isaac were talking to the Cholera Pit ghosts. "So, none of you have seen any other ghosts in this basement?" Sam asked.
"In this basement?" Stuart asked.
"No Stuart," Nancy quipped. "She means the basement in the White House! Of course it's this basement! And no. Other than you guys and Patience who just left yesterday nobody else has been down here."
"She barely said goodbye to us before she left," Cholera Nigel remarked. "So rude."
"Called us degenerates," Creepy Dirk added. "And after we politely invited her to stay and possibly have an orgy."
"In retrospect," Nancy groaned. "Having Creepy Dirk say that may not have been the best idea."
"Hello! Hello? HELLO!" Trevor and Alberta called out. "Hel-looo! Anybody in there?"
"Oh enough!" Hetty snapped. "We've been shouting at this thing for over five minutes. Obviously if anyone was asleep in there, they'd be awake by now!"
"So, no hot Egyptian ghost?" Trevor sighed.
"Apparently not," Alberta sighed. "Unless…They're in the ballroom!"
"Good point," Trevor remarked. "We really didn't look in there much."
"How could a ghost be in the ballroom and we didn't see it?" Isaac asked.
"Maybe they were hiding in the walls or something?" Trevor suggested.
Hetty nodded. "That's a possibility. To the ballroom!"
Sam sighed as the other ghosts left the basement. "Okay if you see Patience or any other ghost come through the dirt or anything…You'll let us know."
"Why not?" Nancy shrugged. "Any other orders your majesty?"
"That will do for now," Isaac remarked. "I'm still at tad miffed at what you did to me!"
"Oh, you mean tricking you to coming down here so that Patience could kidnap you?" Creepy Dirk asked. "And then Nancy beating you up when you told her that Thorfinn and Flower were breaking things off with her?"
"That last one was funny," Burt snickered.
"That's why we don't have Fight Nights anymore," Stuart admitted.
"I'm the undefeated champion," Nancy smiled.
"Ugh…" Isaac recoiled and couldn't leave fast enough.
"Okay thank you for your help," Sam sighed. "Again, if you see Patience or any other ghosts you've never seen before…"
"We'll let you know," Nancy nodded. "Got it. Not like we have anything else to do. Or get invited anywhere."
Catherine called out as Sam left. "Would it kill you people to invite us to dinner once in a while?"
"Well, if one of us has the power to give people Cholera it might," Creepy Dirk spoke up. "Does any of us have that power?"
"I think most of us have that power," Catherine remarked. "I think..."
"Uhhh…" Nancy thought hard. "I don't remember."
"Me either," Stuart blinked. "Man, we've been in this basement too long."
Back in the woods…
"So, you're sure you guys haven't seen any strange ghosts around?" Pete asked Nigel. The search team had ended up by the shed. Nigel, Baxter and Jenkins were outside. "Or any other ghosts on the property other than ourselves?"
"No, I'm afraid not," Nigel admitted. "And you're sure Patience indicated that there were other ghosts on the property?"
"That's what she said before she went back into the dirt," Pete nodded.
"I remember Patience," Jenkins spoke up. "Not the most pleasant of ghosts."
"And downright creepy," Baxter added.
"True but from what I remember she was always very direct," Nigel nodded. "She may be a lot of things. But a liar…No."
"We looked around property," Thorfinn grunted. "Haven't found any other ghosts. Several birds. Some chipmunks. Squirrels…"
Sasappis interrupted. "Look if you guys see anything let us know. It may be important."
"BAXTER!" Carol's voice was heard. "BAXTER! MY BUNIONS ARE HURTING! IT'S RUB O'CLOCK!"
"Speaking of witches that belong in the dirt…" Pete grumbled under his breath.
"Coming my love," Baxter's voice cracked. "I'll be with you shortly!"
Sasappis whispered to Nigel. "How's that going?"
"How do you think?" Nigel groaned.
Carol walked through the door of the shed. "Baxter! I told you…Oh what are you doing here?" She glared at Pete.
"And hello to you too Carol," Pete remarked. "How's the honeymoon?"
"That's been over for ages," Jenkins grumbled.
"Shut it Jenkins!" Carol snapped.
Flower spoke up. "Carol, have you seen any weird ghosts running around?"
"Other than you guys?" Carol asked. "No. Why?"
"There may be some more ghosts on the property we don't know about," Pete told her.
"How is that possible?" Carol asked. "How can you idiots not know if there are any more ghosts here?"
"It's a large property Carol," Pete told her in an angry voice. "Nobody's done a census before!"
"Ghosts may be in the dirt," Thorfinn added.
"In the dirt?" Carol asked. "You mean…? Underground? Is that possible?"
"It is," Sasappis nodded. "There's this Puritan lady named Patience and she lives in the ground. She says there may be others too."
"There's a Puritan woman living in the dirt and you didn't tell me?" Carol glared at Pete.
"We're telling you now!" Pete snapped. "And I just found out about it myself a short time ago! Isaac, Sass and Thorfinn knew about her! They didn't tell us!"
"Is she dangerous?" Carol asked.
"Well, she's extremely creepy," Sasappis admitted. "Possibly."
"We thought Patience turn Samantha into stone," Thorfinn explained. "She didn't. She just made us think she did."
"How would she…? Never mind," Carol waved. "Great. Just great. On top of everything this is going on!"
"What's wrong?" Pete asked.
"Have you forgotten I died a year ago?" Carol snapped.
"I wish I could," Pete grumbled. "Happy Belated Death Day! Guys can we go now?"
"Yeah," Sasappis sighed. "Look if you guys see anything let us know."
"Good idea," Nigel frowned. "We should increase patrols just to be safe."
"I volunteer!" Baxter said quickly. "For a patrol! Right now!"
"You have to rub my bunions now!" Carol snapped.
"Sorry love, duty calls!" Baxter said quickly as he started marching rapidly.
"I'll go too," Jenkins sighed. He started to march with Baxter.
"You'd better be prepared to rub my feet when you get back!" Carol shouted. She looked at Nigel. "Men! They always want to run off someplace! You should know that better than anyone."
"I think I'll go for a walk now…" Nigel gulped and left.
"Yeah, we should go," Sasappis remarked as the other ghosts backed away.
"Nice to see you Carol," Flower called out.
"Yes, we should do this again next year," Pete remarked. "In fact, if I only see you once a year! Or never at all…Great!"
"FEELING'S MUTUAL PETE!" Carol shouted as the ghosts left.
The ghosts went a little deeper into the forest before stopping. "That went well," Thorfinn remarked. "NOT!"
"It was worth a shot," Sasappis remarked. "And we got a little drama so…Not all bad."
"Still nothing," Thorfinn grumbled.
"Yeah, it's been a bust man," Flower nodded. "And I didn't see anybody named Fred anywhere. That's who we're looking for right? Fred?"
"Sure," Sasappis sighed. "Right. What do we do now? I mean if they are underground walking around the woods is pointless!"
"There is one other ghost we can interview," Pete spoke up.
"Do we have to?" Sasappis groaned.
"Bob's the only lead we have left," Pete pointed out. "He might have seen something."
"The only thing Bob sees are imaginary animals all named Larry," Sasappis groaned. "But since we literally have no other options…And I don't want to keep wandering around the property aimlessly…Bob it is."
A short time later…
Soon the ghosts were standing under a tree. A ghost wearing a helmet, goggles, and a blue and white jumpsuit with stars on the shoulders was sitting in a branch in the tree. "And I was saying to Larry…" Bob kept going. "It makes sense to vote Yes on Question One! Acorn regulation is the only sane sensible way to not only fix the acorn economy, but to maintain high standards in quality. Plus, the acorns just taste better."
"He's gotten worse," Pete groaned.
"Oh yeah," Thorfinn nodded. "Bob crazy."
Sasappis sighed. "Okay yeah, you convinced us. Vote yes on acorn regulation. We'll do that. But what I'm asking you now is that if you've seen any other ghosts wandering around?"
Bob ignored him and turned to nothing on the branch beside him. "This has nothing to do with big government Larry! This is about fixing the acorn economy and…Taxes won't go up! I keep telling you this! Oh, real mature Larry!"
"Yeah, this was a great idea," Sasappis rolled his eyes.
"Not!" Thorfinn added.
"What the H.E. Double Hockey sticks did Bob take before he died?" Pete asked. "He's even higher than Flower. And I didn't think that was possible. Of course, since he's in a tree and thinks he's a squirrel he's literally higher than Flower. And the rest of us."
"Bob! This is very important! We need to know if you saw Fred!" Flower called out. "Have you seen him?"
"Fred? Haven't seen the guy," Bob realized. "Which is really weird. I didn't even know I knew a Fred."
"We don't know who he is either," Flower explained.
"Oh, that explains it," Bob nodded. "But no, I haven't seen Fred. Fred's missing? We should look for that guy!"
Sasappis blinked. "Okay so Flower speaks Bob…"
"Have you seen anyone else?" Flower asked. "Like Greg or Tom or George…Or Ralph? Oh wait, Ralph got sucked off. Not Ralph but anyone else?"
"No, I haven't," Bob shook his head. "Let me ask Larry. Larry did you see anyone?"
Bob listened to the imaginary friend. "Huh. That's weird. Larry didn't see anyone but Groundhog Larry could have sworn he heard Tom while he was making a new burrow on the west side. But it couldn't have been Tom because Tom moved to the east side of the property months ago and hasn't spoken to Groundhog Larry since that insurance scam went south."
"Okay then…" Sasappis realized. "Maybe if we go to the west side of the property…?"
Bob interrupted. "Larry tells me that Steve told him he heard something weird on the East side of the property too. But it could be those chipmunks again trying to develop the neighborhood and turn a profit in real estate. However Other Larry said that he heard something going on underground in the south side of the property. Or was it the north? Other Larry isn't that reliable since his hearing is going…"
"So basically if…anyone did hear anything," Sasappis groaned. "It could be anywhere on the property. Great. I've heard enough. Thanks Bob."
"Glad I could help!" Bob waved cheerfully. "No Larry I'm not going to ask them if they want to sign your petition to make the forest great again! That's just rude! Besides I think the forest is pretty great already! That meadow beyond the forest however…That's another story."
"Big. Waste. Of Time," Sasappis groaned as they left.
"Maybe the others had better luck?" Pete suggested.
Later in the parlor Sam and the ghosts gathered to discuss their findings. Or lack thereof.
"No luck huh?" Alberta asked.
"Well, we checked the woods," Pete sighed. "Didn't see anything. The ghosts in the shed don't know anything. And neither does Bob. But Bob really doesn't know anything anyway so…"
"Yeah, but there's a lot of woods out there," Sasappis admitted. "And if these ghosts are underground, we could have walked over them without even knowing."
"The whole mummy thing was a bust too," Trevor told them. "No ghost."
"We checked the ballroom," Alberta told them. "Even poked our heads in the walls. Except for some spiders and a few mouse skeletons. Nothing."
Isaac spoke up. "Well, we know that other than Stephanie there are no ghosts in the attic. And there can't be any other ghosts inside the house."
"And we talked to the ghosts in the basement," Sam added. "They don't know anything."
"Do they ever?" Hetty asked. "I'm seriously asking."
Meanwhile in the basement…
"So, we're not going to tell them about…?" Stuart began.
"No, Stuart," Nancy told him. "She said specifically about Patience and any ghosts we don't know about."
"Loophole," Creepy Dirk nodded.
"Plus, we all agreed to keep you know who a secret a long time ago," Nancy added. "I don't see any reason to break that promise."
"Neither do I," Stuart agreed.