Moiraine still tries to wrap her head around the new situation. It is hard to think while being in pain and having people tell her what's supposed to be real.
Moiraine sat at the window with a thin blanket around her shoulders. It had taken her ages to move from the bed to the window, and she had sunk to the floor more than once. But ultimately, she had reached the soft cushion, which was undoubtedly a comfortable place to read in summer.
The Aes Sedai didn't know what time of the year it was now, but there was a fire burning in the fireplace to warm the room, which was no comparison to the cold coming from the window. Yet, Moiraine didn't leave, though she was shivering under the blanket.
Her head hurt terribly. Bianca had prepared a tea for her, but Moiraine didn't trust her. What if the herbs sent her to sleep? The woman had mentioned countless times Moiraine should rest, and Lan was obviously on her side.
The uncrowned king of Malkier had left shortly after Bianca had run to another patient. Apparently, he had some appointments he had to attend, yet he didn't mention what kind of appointments. But if Moiraine was honest with herself, she didn't care at the moment. Her thoughts were already in uproar and didn't need another mystery to solve.
What had Lanfear done to her? Again, Moiraine tried to remember her last moments in Falme. She had helped at the infirmary. Lanfear had pretended to be Lan and kissed her. Her lips had turned numb, and her body had felt like it was burning up on the inside.
Enjoy what's coming for you. All those possibilities what your life could've looked like if you had made a different decision. I wonder what would've happened to you if you never found the Dragon Reborn. Would you be at the White Tower? Or somewhere else?
Did Lanfear create that world? A world where Moiraine had made a different choice? – Where the Dragon Reborn had died? What would she have done after his death? She had never thought about her life if her mission failed. What choices she would have made, or what plans she had for her future.
Moiraine's eyes fell on the small, golden ring. Subconsciously, her fingers had played with it while her thoughts were spiraling. Would she have married just because the prophecy didn't fulfill itself during her lifetime? And who did she marry?
Was it possible she and Siuan had dared to become fishwives? Was Siuan even the Amyrlin in that world? Were they living the life they had always dreamt about? Or was she married to someone else?
Carefully, the Cairhien woman pulled the ring off her finger and tilted it until she could read the engraving on the inside. 'The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.' Her stomach flipped painfully. No matter how often she read them – she had stopped counting after the tenth time – she felt like she needed to vomit. Light! How many times had she said those words? It was her mantra – her way of dealing with difficult situations. How could Lanfear know about it?
"What are you doing there?!"
Lan's angry voice pulled Moiraine out of her thoughts. Blinking, she turned her face to watch him placing a tray with soup on the table. Slowly, she put the ring back on her finger and wrapped the blanket close around her. Had he noticed how she played with the little jewelry?
"I'm not hungry."
Her stomach twisted painfully at the thought of swallowing food. The pain from her head injury – something she still had no explanation for – and her worries made it impossible to eat something.
But Lan wasn't so easily tricked. Growling, he rushed to the window. "Bianca was clear in her instructions. You need to rest if you want to get better."
"I'm resting. Or do you see me jumping?"
"And who helped you out of bed?" No, the man was no idiot. He knew the Cairhien woman's tricks very well. When she stayed silent instead of answering him, he nodded. "Just like I thought."
Before Moiraine even had the chance to protest, Lan lifted her up in his arms and carried her back to the bed in her wrapped state. Moiraine wasn't happy.
"Do you know how long it took me to get there?"
"Hopefully, long enough, so you'll think twice before doing it again." The Malkieri removed the thin blanket, then ensured the heavy and warm blanket covered her lower body. When his eyes fell on the filled cup of tea, he glared at her. "You were supposed to drink that tea."
"I don't know what those herbs do. But since Bianca desperately wanted me to get more sleep, I fear I wouldn't have liked the outcome."
Groaning, Lan rubbed his hands over his face. "Light, I shouldn't have left your side. I forgot how stubborn you can be when you make up your mind."
A golden shimmer caught Moiraine's eye, and she turned her focus on Lan's hands. There it was. A golden ring wrapped around his ring finger. It couldn't be. It had to be a coincidence. There was no way she…
"What is that?" Light, her voice sounded like someone strangled her!
"What do you mean?" Lan asked, exhausted, lowering his hands.
Instead of an answer, Moiraine grabbed his left hand to look at it closer. The ring looked just like hers, though it was a little thicker than hers. Was there something engraved on the inside as well?
Her throat felt dry, so she swallowed. She had to know. "What is this?"
The uncrowned king of Malkier sighed, then sat beside her on the bed. "Moiraine…."
"What is this, Lan?"
Another moment of silence, then he answered quietly, "My wedding ring."
Moiraine had expected the answer, yet she winced. Her hands let go of Lan, scared about the answer to her following question. "But if Nynaeve died during the Trolloc attack, she couldn't become your wife. Then who…?"
Their eyes met. The sadness in Lan's eyes almost broke her heart. He begged her for forgiveness, knowing very well what his answer would do to her. Subconsciously, Moiraine's fingers started to play with her wedding ring again.
"Maybe we should talk about it when you feel better," her Warder suggested.
The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.
Her words were engraved on the inside of her ring. Her words. Nynaeve was dead in this world. No other woman had ever found a way into the Malkieri's heart. So, when Nynaeve wasn't there to take her place as Lan's wife, he would… Anxiously, the Cairhien woman licked her lips. Was it possible? Would she choose a marriage if her mission would have turned south? A marriage with… Lan?
"We… we're married?"
"We don't have to talk about it now." Her Warder… no. Her husband! Her husband tried to calm the situation.
"I don't understand." Moiraine was still playing with the ring on her finger and couldn't turn her eyes away. "I belong to the Blue Ajah. We rarely marry our Warders, unlike the Greens. Light! We never… you were never… I mean… I never felt a longing for more through the bond."
When the Cairhien woman lifted her head again, she saw the pain in the Malkieri's eyes. Her words hurt him. Who knew for how long his Moiraine and he had been married? Maybe they were happily married. Maybe in this world, they developed romantic feelings for each other.
Moiraine blushed when she imagined herself bedding Lan. She had seen the man in his naked form countless times, but they never….
"How about we focus on you getting better?" Quickly, the man from the Borderlands stood up, bringing the tray with the soup. "You need to eat to regain your strength. Momentarily, there is no Aes Sedai in Fal Dara except for you, so we have to wait until Egwene returns from her trip."
Egwene. In her world, the girl went to the White Tower to become a Novice. The Cairhien woman had shown her how to heal after the battle of Falme, though they hadn't been able to use it because of the Whitecloaks running around. How much had the woman from the Two Rivers learned in that world?
"She can heal?" Moiraine was annoyed that she had to question everything.
Lan chuckled. "We should hope she is ready, or else her trip will end shortly." When he saw the confusion on Moiraine's face, his laughter died. "She left Fal Dara to travel the Borderlands because she wants to help the people with her skills." That definitely sounded like Egwene. "I think she will leave us once she learns everything she needs to know and returns to the Two Rivers to become their Wisdom."
Nynaeve had asked Egwene to become her apprentice when they had been still in the Two Rivers. It made sense that Egwene wanted to take Nynaeve's place now that the Wisdom was dead.
Suddenly, Moiraine noticed Lan holding the bowl under her nose. Steam was rising from the soup, and it smelled delicious.
"You need your strength."
Another scene appeared before the Aes Sedai's eyes. It had happened after the Trolloc attack at Bel Tine. Though she had been injured, she had returned the horses' strengths, and Trolloc poison had rushed through her veins.
They need their strength.
So do you.
Back then, Lan had also ensured she ate and drank something. And the man hadn't been amused about her using the One Power in her weak condition. After her nightly lesson with Egwene, the Malkieri had threatened to wrap her into her blanket so she would be unable to move her arms and legs.
*Almost a year ago*
Moiraine watched Egwene return to her friends. The young woman was a quick student and a strong channeler. The woman of the Blue Ajah had no doubt Egwene would become an Aes Sedai one day. Egwene had great potential.
A shiver moved over Moiraine's back, reminding her that her body was still fighting against the poison that continued to move through her veins. Blood and ashes! She shouldn't feel cold! She had learned decades ago how to ignore cold or heat. It wasn't a good sign that she lost control now.
"You can come out now."
There was no sound while she waited for Lan to step out of the shadows. The uncrowned king of Malkier had watched her training for quite a while. Moiraine had felt his worries through the bond and had wondered if he would intervene at some point. Surprisingly, he had sat tight, though he hadn't held back in hiding his displeasure about Moiraine's doings.
"Are you done now?"
The big man stopped beside her. His eyes were on Egwene's back, watching her leave. There was no doubt. He was absolutely not amused about the training session.
"Egwene has potential and is a quick learner."
"And you have to use the One Power to teach her?"
Moiraine decided to ignore his question. She could've told the young woman about Saidar and how to use it, but it was way more effective when a future Novice saw the weaves she was talking about. "I can't believe no Aes Sedai noticed there are potential Novices in that village. The power is strong in Egwene, and I'm assuming the Wisdom could use the One Power, too, without knowing about it, just like the Wisdom before her. I wonder, how many women died in the Two Rivers because no one noticed they were Wilders? The White Tower should expand its searches for possible channelers. Our numbers look worse with every passing year. We can't afford losing channelers like Egwene because we don't include the little villages."
Suddenly, the Malkieri stepped before the Cairhien woman, then went down on one knee. It was enough to pull the woman's attention on him. His eyes moved worryingly over her face before he cupped her cheek with one hand. "You look pale."
The woman of the Blue Ajah snorted. "It's dark, Lan. Not even you can see that good in the dark."
"It's bright enough to see you're not doing well, Moiraine." His eyes flickered to her injured shoulder. "May I?"
"There is nothing you can do." Lan stayed silent, waiting for her to give permission. "I took care of it today." Silence was the only response, yet the Warder raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. He obviously wondered when exactly she took care of her injury. "I did." The man still didn't move. Light, he wouldn't give up until she permitted him to look at the injury himself! "You're insufferable."
"I'm simply trying to keep you alive."
"The herbs don't work. Only an Aes Sedai can heal someone with Trolloc poison in their veins."
"Doesn't mean we should help the poison to spread. Cleaning the wound is important. The herbs can't heal you but slow down the poison. And they help with the pain you desperately try to hide from me."
Angrily, Moiraine gnashed her teeth. Was there anything the bloody man didn't notice? "I can handle the pain." And because she wanted to prove to him she could handle it, she tried to stand up.
It was a stupid idea as she realized how the ground started to sway. The poison worked against her, making her feel lightheaded. Additionally, the pain returned with full force, making her want to vomit.
"Easy." Lan was there, catching her before she could fall. "Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth."
Moiraine obeyed, though she closed her eyes to keep the world from spinning. When she was able to swallow without feeling the urge to empty her stomach, she looked at Lan again. "I'll be alright."
"May I now take a look?"
Shivering, the Aes Sedai nodded. Blood and ashes! The Trolloc poison worked fast. They needed to reach Whitebridge quickly. She wouldn't survive long if they didn't find another Aes Sedai soon.
Carefully, her Warder pulled back her cloak and tunic. The small fabric that covered the injury was completely drenched. Cursing, the Malkieri pulled the fabric off. "We need to clean it."
"I have clean pieces of fabric in my bag. I just-"
The woman of the Blue Ajah stopped when she saw her Warder working on his belt. The smart man from the Borderlands had hidden some fabric behind the big belt. It was then that she noticed the water bag tied to his belt and the small bowl on the ground. Once, they met a Wisdom who advised Lan to carry clean fabrics behind his belt and always some water to quickly clean a wound. Apparently, he still did that – or maybe he knew how terribly his Aes Sedai took care of her injuries.
After seeing the injury, Lan didn't ask for permission to treat it. He simply jumped into action, and Moiraine did her best not to pass out. At some point, the wound started to burn when Lan put some ointment on it, but it got better once the herbs began to work.
"All done."
Surprised, Moiraine opened her eyes. Lan pushed a wet strand out of her face. She hadn't noticed he had stopped working on her.
"Thank you." Her voice was quiet and sounded tired. Maybe she should rest a little before they continued to run.
"You need to rest." Before Moiraine could argue, Lan had pulled her into his arms, carrying her toward the camp. "No more channeling tonight or running around to clear your head. And if you try something, I will wrap you in your blanket until you're unable to move. One day, you'll collapse if you don't start looking out for yourself, foolish woman."
Smiling, the Aes Sedai wrapped her healthy arm around her Warder's neck. Sometimes, his overprotective behavior amused her. "Whatever you say."
She felt Lan's surprise through the bond, and her smile grew. He hadn't expected that reaction.
"I mean it, Moiraine." His voice was softer now. The anger had faded. "You can't go on like this."
"Hmm," she hummed in agreement.
Her eyes felt heavy, and sleep lured her into the darkness. Lan's herbs didn't just suppress the pain in her shoulder, they also made her sleepy. Resting sounded like a good idea.
"Good night, Moiraine."
Lan's love rolled through the bond, wrapping around her like a blanket and pulling her deeper into the darkness. She couldn't say if she managed to respond before she finally gave in to sleep.
The Aes Sedai wished she could return to that moment. Her mind hadn't traveled to another world when the Trolloc poison tried to kill her. Blood and ashes! She had to find a way out of that nightmare!
"I'm not-" The First Oath cut her off, and she had to swallow to find her voice again. "I can't eat."
But the Warder was stubborn. "Your body works hard to heal your injury and needs all the help it can get, which includes eating to regain your strength."
You fell off your horse and hit your head badly.
Automatically, Moiraine's hand moved to the back of her head. She couldn't suppress to wince slightly when her fingers moved over the injury. According to everyone, she had fallen off her horse. Was the Moiraine in that world such a terrible rider that she had fallen during a ride?
"This isn't real."
A sad look appeared in Lan's eyes. "Moiraine…."
"I have never fallen off a horse in my entire life. I'm an excellent rider."
"You are an excellent rider," Lan agreed. "Yet, this can happen to anyone. It was an accident, which probably wouldn't have happened if you had Aldieb with you. But this young mare wasn't trained like Aldieb and got scared."
Moiraine shook her head, regretting it immediately. Light! When would she learn not to do that?! "Why should I ride on another horse? I'll always ride on Aldieb. Even that detail of the story makes no sense."
Again, the Malkieri sighed heavily. Obviously, the Cairhien woman tested his patience. "That new mare doesn't let anyone else close, so you agreed to take her for a ride."
Well, that explanation actually made sense. But Moiraine wouldn't give up that easily. Lanfear had poisoned her and sent her mind to that world where everything seemed wrong.
"Even if that mare got scared, I know how to stay in the saddle when something like that happens. The only time I was thrown off was when that Myrddraal appeared, and Aldieb had to react or otherwise she would've gotten killed."
The uncrowned king of Malkier furrowed his forehead, then lowered the bowl. "Myrddraal? What Myrddraal?"
"After I ran from Tifan's…." Moiraine saw the confusion in Lan's eyes and stopped. In that world, they never went to Tifan's Well because she never brought the Dragon Reborn to the Eye of the World. She never got shielded by Ishamael. Exhausted, she shook her head. When would it be over? "Never mind. It didn't happen here. This isn't real."
She didn't need to be bonded to Lan to know he didn't like her words. He grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly. "Does this not feel real?"
"Lan-"
"Or this?" The Warder placed the Aes Sedai's hand on his chest over his beating heart. He wouldn't give up easily to convince her. "Can you feel my heart beating?"
"Lanfear created all that to torture me. I don't know how, but I'll find a way out of here."
The uncrowned king of Malkier looked like he was counting to ten before he opened his mouth again. "The Forsaken got trapped three thousand years ago. No living being ever saw them. And I can't say I'm sad about it."
"They didn't break free in this world because Rand never went to the Eye of the World to free Ishamael. But in my world-"
"Ishamael? The father of lies?" Lan sounded not convinced. "How many more? Who else got freed?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe the Dark One himself got freed from his prison." Now, she heard the sarcastic sound in Lan's voice. He didn't believe one word she was saying.
"This isn't funny. They-"
But the Malkieri shook his head. "You hit your head pretty badly when you fell off that horse, and now, you believe you come from a different world. Once you feel better, your memories will return."
"I never fell off a horse!"
"Think about it, Moiraine. You say you never fell off a horse. And then you add that Aldieb threw you off once. Don't you think the First Oath would stop you from saying you never fell if you had actually run into a Myrddraal?"
Shocked, the woman of the Blue Ajah stared at the Warder. The First Oath. She had sworn to speak no word that was not true. Yet, she never felt the First Oath wrapping around her throat. Nothing had stopped her from speaking. How was that possible?
Lan took her hand and rubbed his thumb softly over the back of her hand. "Don't you think it makes more sense that you dreamed about that Shadowspawn attack and simply forgot about your accident?"
Moiraine's mouth opened and closed, but no word crossed her lips. It couldn't be true. That world wasn't hers. Rand wasn't dead. She wasn't married to Lan. Right?