I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
~ U2, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For."
Ghost remembers a simpler time – when Wolf was still a New Light racing across the system for the first time, eager to save the day.
Guardians were meant to complement their Ghosts, balancing each other out. Ghost quickly learned that this was the case between him and Wolf. Ghost was more than willing to admit he could be chatty at times, whereas Wolf only spoke when spoken to or if he had something to say. People called Ghost feisty and uptight, but Wolf was a little more relaxed. Ghost was cautious where Wolf was eager. Very eager.
At first, Ghost figured Wolf was eager for a fight, that he was someone who sought out thrills and adrenaline rushes, but over time, he realized that it was something else entirely.
His willingness to be there for others extended to just beyond missions. When the Red Legion attacked, the Light was lost, and the Vanguard scattered, Wolf had not only put them back together again, but he also gave them the support they needed. It helped that Wolf was just so easy to talk to. He didn't have to say a word. He just listened.
He threw himself in harm's way so that others wouldn't have to. He became a safety net for those who needed it. He put forth a strong persona even in the darkest of times. He became just as known for his reassuring presence and positivity as much as his battle prowess.
At the end of the day, Wolf was eager to please. He craved not attention, not adoration, but approval and affirmation. He wanted to prove himself worthy. And most importantly, he wanted to make other people happy. He was always the first to answer the call not for fame, but because he wanted to help. Because he wanted to be enough.
Ghost wished he had told Wolf that he already was worthy, that he didn't have to prove himself to anyone. He thought his Guardian had already known.
That assumption is one of Ghost's biggest screw-ups to date, and now he doesn't know how to fix it.
He just wishes Wolf would talk to him more about how he's feeling. It's his job to support his Guardian, not the other way around. He knows Wolf suffers from nightmares whenever he is able to sleep, but waves Ghost off when he asks about them. Meanwhile, whenever Ghost's anxiety spikes whenever memories resurface, Wolf is there reassuring him that everything is going to be okay.
It's beyond infuriating. And it's getting worse. It's been getting worse since they returned from the Pale Heart. Nessus made it apparent to Ghost just how bad it had gotten, when Wolf was more focused on making sure everyone else was okay after that final confrontation with Maya Sundaresh and had all but waved off any attempts to return the favor.
Wolf can deny it all he wants, Ghost knows just how shaken his Guardian was by the ordeal. He was scared too. Scared and helpless and he wondered if that was how Wolf felt all those times Ghost had been possessed by the Witness. Ever since then, Wolf's mind had been a racing mess. Sleep is hard. Meditation is impossible. Even painting started to become more difficult, and Wolf loves to paint. Wolf keeps himself busy with high stress tasks just to give himself something to focus on.
And now, with Mithrax succumbing to his curse more and more and Fikrul loose in Sol, Wolf has plenty of things to keep himself occupied, whether Ghost likes it or not.
Endless challenge…
Ghost shudders as a chill settles in his core. Wolf looks up and towards him. He pauses his music and slides his headphones around his neck. "Are you alright?" he asks.
"I'm alright," Ghost replies. "Just thinking…"
"Do you need a break? We can bring down a pillow or something you can rest on."
"Wolf, I haven't done anything yet. If anyone needs a break, it's you." He notices the dark circles under his Guardian's eyes and sighs. "Maybe you should take your own advice."
"Me?" Wolf let out an amused huff, as if the very notion was ridiculous. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
Too late, idiot.
"By the way," Wolf continues through their mental link. "When's your next Ghost Den session?"
"Not for another few days," Ghost replies. "Why?"
"Just planning accordingly. It's been good for you, going to those. I don't want you to miss one."
Ghost felt a bittersweet warmth bloom in his core. It was those little moments of thoughtfulness that made Wolf ... well, Wolf. Always thinking of others. Always putting them first.
Then, Ghost immediately kicked himself for letting Wolf turn the concern back onto him. Before Ghost could dwell on it, he heard Eido enter the shop. "I'm back!" she said somewhat cheerfully.
"Did you sleep?" Ghost asks.
"I did," Eido replies, "and I ... wow, that's a lot of tonics."
Ghost looks over to the crates of tonics Wolf had brewed in Eido's absence and sighs. "Yeah... We got a few new ones, I think." Eido approaches the table and gently motions towards the tablet where he had been taking notes. "May I?" she asks.
Wolf nods and hands it off to Eido, who looks it over. After a few minutes, she looks back up at the Hunter. "Think we can try something?"
Wolf nods again as Eido hands him back the tablet. "What do you need me to do?"
So as it turns out, all I needed to get through that wall I hit was a second POV character in the form of Ghost. He's got his own issues, but he's beginning to push them aside because of his concern for Wolf, and Wolf is doing exactly the opposite, worried so much about Ghost and others that he ignores his own emotions. The main difference is Ghost is in therapy, Wolf is not (yet) but this is going to lead to some problems later down the line.
How this story goes is ultimately going to depend on how Act 3 of Revenant goes, as eventually things are going to come to a head, the question being what triggers it. However, we've still got time before I write that part. Next chapter we should hopefully be hitting that fight scene I've been struggling with now that I know exactly what the mission is (Act 2 Major Fieldwork! Mithrax telling Eido to shut up just broke me please be okay my guy *sobs*)