For every college student that joins an a capella group at Barden University, Initiation Night is always a night to remember. A night to have fun, let loose, and be formally welcomed to whatever singing group they've chosen to be a part of.
Beca doesn't remember putting her hands up in the air as she strummed to the music playing in the background, she doesn't remember taking multiple shots to the point she'd lost her balance, and she definitely doesn't remember sneaking off with a Treblemaker (although Aubrey would say otherwise, if friendly conversation meant "sneaking off".)
Because she never did those things.
But she recalls that night very vividly, a certain tipsy redhead still etched in her mind. She remembers standing on her feet away from the crowd, Jesse occasionally coming to her corner to offer her a drink. And she remembers the way Chloe came over and instantly approached her as she took her hands and pulled her close – far too close. The same effortless way she pulled the curtain to the side in the university shower.
Chloe will do anything to get Beca to let her in.
And that's pretty much what their dynamic has been like even three years later.
Chloe is always the one pulling her in, and Beca gravitates towards her force.
She is convinced that she's carried that "fuck-off" attitude her entire life solely due to the fact that she hates people, but she can't deny that her upbringing built a barrier inside her that inherently made her stay away from any form of affection.
Then Chloe came along – and even though Beca still had her walls up, the redhead had softened her stolid nature and closed off demeanor. And Chloe is just so full of love. She loves with so much passion and gives it freely.
With every hug, every stroke of the hair, and every attempt to cuddle that Chloe does, no matter how safe and comforting, Beca's instinct takes over and she flinches a little. It's not that she hates it, because Chloe is the only person who could do those things without making Beca feel like she needs to push them away. She likes it, sometimes she even waits for it. Uncomfortable at first, maybe.
But it's Chloe – and the idea of the redhead being her constant source of warmth has been wired deep into her brain.
And at the very back of her mind, there is a part of her that wants to try too. To try and initiate the contact without feeling like she's being held at gunpoint. She thinks it's stupid to even dwell on these things, but it's intruding enough to her mind that she is willing to try.
The Worlds is in eight months and the only thing written down on the Bellas' whiteboard at the auditorium is the phrase "Beat DSM" scattered all over the white space. They have to step up their game, and so Beca and Chloe decide to arrange a meeting where they can all discuss what to do for this one time world championship.
They go to McDonald's that night, because according to Fat Amy, fries and chicken nuggets will "fuel their ideas" for Worlds. As captain, Chloe rejected the idea at first – she knew it wasn't going to be an effective working space and they wouldn't get anything done. It's not that professional of an environment either to talk about something so serious. But as a Bella, Chloe accepted that free food was the only way she was going to have the Bellas complete in one room outside of rehearsals. On the other hand, Beca truly didn't mind, but she would've preferred to stay home at their sorority house.
Aubrey would've never vouched for a set-up like this, but Beca and Chloe like to pride themselves as the more laidback captains – though that title seems to fit Beca more these days.
It's a few minutes before midnight so the chain is relatively uncrowded, there's a highschool student studying in an isolated spot away from everyone else, not batting an eye away from her notebook. There is a boy and a girl sitting across from each other which visibly seems like they're on a late-night date, each one completely engrossed with the other.
"What are your bets that they aren't dating?" Stacie whispers to Cynthia Rose, but audible enough for the other Bellas to hear. "I could do him," she admits out loud, licking her lips.
Chloe turns back and shoots her with a solid stare. "Guys, focus."
Stacie's flirty expression changes into an apologetic look. "Sorry, capt."
There are two empty tables that they bring closer together to fit them all in one sitting as Chloe counts the number of seats. Ten chairs in total and there are nine of them. "Legacy couldn't make it, so just... pretend Aubrey's the one sitting there and she's saying to each of your faces that we don't accept defeat. We're winners." That earns Chloe hesitant nods from the rest of the girls.
Chloe settles on her seat and runs through her laptop as she scans everyone around her, squinting her eyes slightly. "Okay. Worlds. Listen to me, we can't fuck this up." Stacie's mouth turns into an o shape, Fat Amy tilts her head towards Flo, Ashley and Jessica look at each other, and Lily whispers something to herself. Beca fixes her gaze on the redhead, attention completely focused on her. All of them know Chloe barely curses, and that leads to completely different, but solidified reactions.
"Damn, girl," Cynthia Rose reacts with a smug look on her face.
"I'm serious," Chloe clicks her tongue.
Immediately, everyone complies and nods their heads.
An hour has passed since their brainstorming and sharing of ideas – mostly Amy proposing that they should do a repeat of another stunt on the stage ceiling. Absolutely no one agrees.
They've decided to stick to their usual mashups, playing it safe but also attempting to come up with something innovative enough that will change the course of the Barden Bellas. Beca's in charge of making the mix, sticking to her strongest suits, while Chloe will work on choreography.
After they've finalized their plans, things start to cool down as their "formal" discussion turns into chaos. Stacie starts to fawn about this hot guy she met at a bar as she takes a fry in her mouth, Jessica and Ashley are giggling to themselves as their heads are pressed together, and Flo is telling a story of how her brother tried to send her to another country without their parents knowing.
It's been a long day, and Beca is tired. All she wants to do right now is to lay in her bed with her headphones wrapped around her neck. Beca looks around her and observes the normality of everything – it really isn't a big deal. Her eyes dart from Chloe to the Bellas, then to the other tables surrounding her, and back to Chloe.
Slowly, she leans her head into Chloe and rests it on her shoulder. Her body stiffens up and she swallows thickly. Beca feels the weight of the moment thrash around her chest, and she feels vulnerable, helpless, and unguarded. She uses the noise and blended chatters of the girls to drown out her pounding heart, closing her eyes momentarily to get used to this. Chloe's warmth and ease contrast with Beca's frigid disposition – her eyes are set downcast and she's mindedly looking at the floor beneath her.
The way she's breathing is laboured, almost as if she is waiting to get to the shore after desperate attempts to refrain herself from drowning from the depths of something that is weighing her down, but she tries to stay afloat.
And Beca is waiting for Chloe to pull away.
But she doesn't.
Instead, she tilts her head so their heads are touching.
A sliver of relief runs through Beca as she relaxes and sighs into the touch, wallowing in the close contact. It isn't so bad after all.
It's a small moment – probably an everyday thing for Chloe and the other girls – but it's another wall torn down because of her best friend.
Beca still hasn't told Chloe about her internship. No one else except Amy – which was completely unwarranted – knows about her little job on the side two times a week.
With how insistent the redhead has been about winning the Worlds, it's been difficult to find the right time to bring it up. It's not supposed to feel like it, but everytime she thinks about finally telling them, it feels like a part of her is betraying the Bellas. Her family.
But she is going to tell Chloe tonight.
It's funny, really. She's the captain, for God's sake, and yet she is the one constantly walking on eggshells right when she steps foot into the Bellas house. The fear of getting caught gets to her and she uses all her force to close the door without making a single sound.
It's only 9PM.
Meanwhile, Stacie strides the hallways at four in the morning with full confidence after a one night stand.
"Hey, Shawshank," Amy greets, sprawled on the couch.
"Jesus, Amy," Beca chides. "You scared me."
"You know, you won't always have to be fighting for your life if you just told us. Or Chloe at least."
Beca scrunches her face, acknowledging the truth of Amy's statement. "I am aware, yes. Not that you need to know, but I really am going to tell Chloe tonight." She walks past Amy and heads up the stairs. Passing through the other girls' rooms in the hallway, she hears someone sobbing in the room beside hers.
Chloe's room.
The door is slightly open – and the sobs coming would be almost inaudible only if it weren't for Beca's strong and sharp sense of hearing. Beca widens the gap of the door as she carefully pushes it open, and Chloe is curled up against her cerulean headboard, her head resting on her knees. "Chlo?"
Chloe immediately looks up and there is a pained expression in her eyes that Beca can't bear to see.
"Hey," She sits herself down by the side of the bed and casts Chloe a gentle smile. "Talk to me."
Chloe hesitates for a moment. "I'm scared." Her lips quiver as she admits that out loud, staring back at Beca's fixed gaze until she finds the words to follow. "The Bellas have been my family for seven years. And I… I don't know who I am without it."
Beca's eyes deflate even more at the outward confession.
DSM. Worlds.
The Bellas never hear the end of it, whether it be night or day. They know how important it is for Chloe to reinstate the Barden Bellas and return it to the a capella group it prided itself as. Admittedly, Beca figured that Chloe's persistent drive to win to the extent of constant distress and neurotic behavior was taken after the firm and rigid nature of their previous captain. She was once a doormat to her, after all. Aubrey was a lot to handle and knowing everything they've gone through together, it would make sense if Chloe followed even just a little bit of her footsteps. Now Beca understands it isn't just about winning. It isn't just about their image.
Chloe has tied her entire identity to being a Bella – if failing Russian Lit thrice didn't make that any more obvious.
And really, Beca is bad at comforting.
Growing up in a home that neglected her emotionally translated her to a person that gave herself a little "suck it up" lecture with every negative emotion before moving on with her life. The most she's done whenever Chloe seems to be restless – mostly since their little incident at Kennedy Center – is to give her a pat on the shoulder and that seems to do the trick.
Because aside from the fact that Beca isn't very good at consoling people, she isn't used to seeing Chloe like this. She's never seen her this fragile.
I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, is what Beca wants to say.
If she were asked to describe Chloe right at this very moment, out of the hundred words coursing through her mind, not one of them would have the word Bella . Chloe is kind, loving, tender, and beautiful. She is so full of passion for everything that she loves. In Beca's eyes, Chloe isn't just a singer. She isn't just her co-captain.
Her first year at Barden – Chloe welcomed her way into the brunette's life with open arms and tore down walls no one else could come through.
Beca always thought that Chloe resembled the sun – radiant and bright - but she only saw the light she lit up. Bubbly, vivacious Chloe. She never looked at her long enough to see that the gleam could fade away and a somber horizon would come into view.
Until now.
Chloe's eyes are screaming for something.
And if Beca didn't know any better, she would be rushing downstairs to get her a glass of water. But even Beca knows that's not what she needs right now.
Words aren't enough to tell Chloe how much she is more than a Barden Bella.
Beca leans forward – hesitant at first, and with caution, as she turns her body slightly so she's facing against the headboard too. Her arms gently wrap around Chloe's shoulders - it's awkward, Beca thinks - but she does it lovingly nonetheless. Chloe's head naturally settles on Beca's shoulder – lying on her chest, almost – and she leans into her with complete ease and security. Beca doesn't tense up, instead she breathes in Chloe's warmth and loosens into the touch. Suddenly it isn't awkward anymore, it feels intimate. It feels safe.
In the process of mending Chloe's fears, Beca feels a part of her healing too.
She knows she's not doing this from one captain to another – she's doing this as Chloe's best friend. She puts aside any thoughts about her internship and gives her full attention to being there for Chloe. Her fear and worry of what she might've said? She shuts them out and welcomes the warm feeling of Chloe pressed against her.
Tender hands run through Chloe's hair, at this point Beca only imitates how fondly Chloe strokes her hair whenever she gets the chance. But a few seconds pass and she's not echoing someone she tries to be, it becomes pure inclination. "You're always gonna be a Bella," she says softly. "But you're so much more than one, too. And I know you're gonna do great things."
Beca looks over to Chloe's nightstand and visibly recognizes a yellow cup beside her lampshade. Three years have gone by, and she still hasn't gotten rid of it. The realization strikes a chord with Beca. Chloe's sniffles start to level down as the brunette slowly starts to hum the melody of Chloe's favorite song – her audition piece.
Multiple times she has walked into Chloe's room to get her USB that contains their mix for Worlds, which the redhead typically takes when the brunette ends up falling asleep. Beca tries not to notice, but each time she does (whether Chloe is in the shower, unaware that Beca is in the room, or when she's plopped on her bed, listening to Beca's mix), she can't help but hear Chloe singing "When I'm Gone" with her hands tapping along to the melody with whichever surface allows her to – the same way Beca performed it for her and Aubrey.
Whether or not it's something that's become purely out of habit, the thought of it is enough to tug at Beca's heart.
Chloe is the first one to pull away this time, and she looks at Beca – an expression that doesn't reflect sadness rises up her face. A warm, genuine smile reaches up to her and overpasses all the worry and doubt running through her mind. It's weightless.
"I'm glad you're here, Becs."
Most days, Beca and Chloe find themselves left alone at their sorority house mainly due to captain duties. The rest of the Bellas runoff into the wild, and Beca and Chloe can only thank the aca-gods when they all show up complete for practice. When dusk hasn't hit yet, they opt to stay in the living room – laptops splayed in front of them – instead of being secluded in their own rooms.
It's comforting, somehow. Even when they aren't necessarily speaking to each other, or they are two chairs apart, just the mere presence of each other builds a warm and cozy atmosphere.
Chloe closes her computer with a small sigh and fixes her gaze on Beca. "I notice, you know.
"What?" Beca looks up from her screen, confused.
"You know, when I hug you, you freeze up like ice. But it's different now."
"Does it weird you out?"
"Weirds me out? Becs, why would it weird me out?," she assures. "I find it endearing, actually."
Endearing.
"If anything," Chloe continues, "I'm honored to be the one you're experimenting with." She casts Beca a playful wink.
By this point, Beca is feeling sheepish but not in that odd, uncomfortable way. Her chest caves inside her and she can't help the inner flush creeping across her face. "I know it's stupid, but I've learned to be really comfortable with you, Chlo. And because of you, I realized that I can let my guard down, and it's something that isn't so bad." She shrugs her shoulders with a slight tilt of her head. Whatever it was, it's always been easier with Chloe. Lighter, somehow.
The way the redhead's face lights up really makes her ocean blue eyes pop, and that's all Beca can keep her focus on. "I always knew you'd let me in," Chloe says surely with another wink.
And there it is again, Beca thinks. The twinkle in her eyes that is nearly impossible to shy away from.
The redhead stands up from her chair to grab a glass of water from the kitchen island, and Chloe stops in her tracks to turn around and say something. "By the way, I think you should work with Legacy and pitch her original. Your boss might like that," she suggests with a grin.
Beca's face turns into a blank slate. "Huh?" Perplexity follows and runs through her before she could fully register what she'd just heard.
"Come on, Beca. I know you've been secretly going to your internship, juggling that as captain, I know it's not easy. And I want you to know that I am happy for you," she clarifies, taking a gulp of water. "Also, Amy told me."
Beca's half smile immediately turns into an incredulous look. "What the hell? I'm gonna murder that mother-"
"Hey," Chloe raises a hand. "She didn't mean to. I accidentally took the wrong USB when you were away and Amy heard me listening to your Christmas mix."
When Chloe plugged Beca's USB tino her computer, she expected to hear "Run the World", but instead "Here Comes Santa Claus" played back. In her defense, all of Beca's USBs were black and Beca is a messy person that leaves her things scattered everywhere.
Unawaredly, Amy walked into the room to grab a bag of Cheetos from their drawer, clearly hearing the track playing. "Did Beca finally tell you?" She questioned, ripping into the bag of chips with her teeth. "About time."
Chloe's brows furrowed. "Tell me what?"
"That she– oh. Nevermind, forget I said anything."
"Amy.." Chloe shot Amy a glare that even for someone unshaken like her reached deep into her soul.
"Look, I promised not to tell. BFFs don't betray each other like that."
"And I'm your captain." Chloe stated sternly, raising a brow.
Amy tried to fight it, but eventually she succumbed. "Okay, okay," she finally surrendered.
"She also told me how stressed you've been with your boss. That he wanted something original," Chloe continues.
Beca relents and puts her head in her hands – in a way, she's relieved that she doesn't have to worry about telling Chloe anymore, but she also wishes she didn't have to find out this way. "Are you mad?" she asks carefully, lifting her eyes to make eye contact.
There is not an ounce of anger in Chloe's expression, but there's a hint of sadness that Beca hates to be the cause of. "I'm not mad, Becs. Just… I'm a bit hurt that you didn't think you could tell me."
She understands, she really does. "I know, and I'm sorry. Trust me, I hated keeping you in the dark like that, and sneaking in the house at night as if I was a fucking drug dealer," Beca blows a breath. Chloe smiles. "But I didn't want you to think that I lost my focus with the Worlds, because it's important to me too."
Chloe puts down the glass of water and nears closer. She sits herself down beside Beca's chair, moving the chair so they're closer to each other and places her hand on top of hers. "You're right, the Worlds is important to me. But you…" she laces her fingers with Beca's, "you're more important. And if it makes you happy, I don't want to be the one stopping you from achieving what you've wanted from the very start."
Beca's lips curl into a faint smile. "I know you hate to hear it, but life has so much in store for you after graduation. You're gonna make a great vet. And you'll always have us, your family, to run back to." Chloe firms her hold on Beca, and it's enough for the brunette to feel just how strong each other's presence is.
For another moment, Beca takes the time to look at Chloe, to really look at her. "Has anyone told you how pretty your eyes are?"
Chloe laughs. "Where'd that come from?"
Then there is that moment of clarity when they look directly into each other's eyes, suddenly everything and nothing is conveyed all at once. Nothing in the sense that Beca doesn't reply back and the room is quiet, but everything comes together and the realization hits that the connection they've built with each other is special. No matter how the course of their lives could change, they will always be by each other's side, cheering the other person on.