WORTH WORKING FOR
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
"What do you mean, he isn't here yet?" Kate winces when another contraction hits, her fingers tightening on her dad's arm. "Shit," she breathes. "How long?"
Jim pulls his phone out of his pocket and resets the timer that he's using to track the contractions. "Twelve. He's on his way, Katie. Ryan said he was helping trap their suspect, whatever that means, but he should be here soon."
"He-" Kate stares at her dad. "'Trap their suspect?' That's what Ryan said?"
Jim shrugs.
She shakes her head and squirms against the pillows, trying to get comfortable. She was admitted to a room within minutes of arriving at the hospital, and although it could be several hours before contractions are close enough to cause concern, she's been checked in so they can keep an eye on her.
She settles into the bed, works with the nurse as he hooks her up to various monitors and machines, keeping track of her vitals and the baby's health and movement.
Eventually the nurse leaves with a promise to come back soon, and Jim pulls a folding chair next to the bed and helps her adjust the pillows again. "What do you need, Katie? What can I do?"
"Can you-hang on." Another contraction hits, and she clenches her fists, breathes through it.
"Still twelve," Jim says, answering her unasked question. He takes her hand and squeezes. "I'll try Rick again."
"Can you just go wait for him? I'll survive," she insists when he hesitates. "I promise. And don't be too mad at him, okay? I basically forced him to go with the guys today."
Jim's brows lift, but he doesn't say what she knows he's thinking: that Rick still should've stayed home. He squeezes her hand once more and stands. "I'll be in the waiting area. Call me if you need me to come back."
"I'm here, I'm here!"
Rick's familiar voice trickles in from the hallway before Jim even makes it to the end of the bed, and he rushes into the room. "I'm so sorry, I-What?"
Kate's jaw drops when he appears. "What the hell are you wearing? And what the hell is on your face?"
"Huh?" Rick looks down at himself and he nods in understanding. "Right. We needed a confession, and the guy wouldn't budge, so we tricked him."
Kate meets her dad's amused gaze, and looks back at Rick. "You tricked him. By dressing up as a zombie?"
"I know, isn't it cool?" Rick lifts his arms, showing off his fake blood-covered 1800s-inspired outfit, and motions to his makeup and prosthetics-adorned face. "I pretended to be the victim, come back to life. And it worked."
"No." Kate shakes her head and slides to the edge of the bed, sets her feet on the floor. "I'm not going to push out our child and have that be the first thing he sees," she snaps, pushing herself off the bed. She ignores both men's protests. "I'm leaving. I'll come back when you're not cosplaying The Walking Dead."
"Sit down."
She crosses her arms, but after a brief staredown with both her boyfriend and her dad, sighs and climbs back into the bed. "Well, don't think you're getting anywhere near me with that-" She waves her hand up and down in Rick's direction. "That getup."
Rick nods, grabs the duffel bag, and steps into the small bathroom.
"You're good," Rick says a few hours later, one hand in hers, the other rubbing her back as she breathes through a contraction. "In and out. You got this."
Kate squeezes his hand, and she tries to remember what she practiced in her lamaze class, tries to focus on her breathing. "It-" Her breath catches in her throat, and she grunts. "Shit. They're getting stronger."
Rick glances at his watch. "And closer together. That was seven minutes."
"Shit," she repeats.
The corner of Rick's mouth quirks and he presses a kiss to her temple, but anything he may be about to say is interrupted by the appearance of a nurse.
"Goddammit," she gasps, fingers tightening around Rick's, trying desperately to focus on anything, literally anything, except the blinding pain that is this contraction. They're strong, so damn strong, coming just every few minutes now.
Nurses bustle in the room around her, and both Rick and Dr. Stevens say words of encouragement, even though she doesn't even hear what they're actually saying. She vaguely registers her doctor at the foot of the bed and Rick at her side, his arm around her shoulders, his cheek against the side of her head.
She's been here almost fourteen hours, she knows, having watched the date change at midnight. It's nearing two in the morning, and she's physically and mentally exhausted, sweaty, and fucking starving. She's not allowed to have food in case they need to do an emergency C-section, and while that made sense when they first told her, she doesn't fucking care anymore.
She wants food, sleep, and to get this baby out of her already, although the order of preference changes every minute.
"Okay, Kate?"
She focuses on Dr. Stevens, looking up at her from her spot at the end of the bed. There's a small smile on the doctor's face, and for the first time in hours, Kate thinks she sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
"Next contraction," Dr. Stevens says, "you're going to push."
The surprise Kate feels must show all over her face, because the doctor chuckles. "I'll walk you through it, okay?"
Kate nods and feels Rick's lips on her temple, his smile against her sweaty skin. She shifts her hand so she can lace her fingers through his, and she twists to catch his shiny gaze with hers. "Okay," she whispers, nodding.
Rick nods and brushes a quick kiss to her lips. "Okay," he murmurs, moving his arm from her shoulders and swiping hair back from her damp forehead. "Do you want your dad? Or Lanie, or my mother? For extra support?"
She shakes her head and kisses him again. "I just need you."
I was wrong, she thinks a short time later, gazing down at the small bundle in her arms. I needed this, too.
She hadn't been entirely sure what to expect during birth. She read books and articles, got some advice from Martha, and even had Lanie walk her through it from the clinical perspective. But a big part of her wouldn't have been surprised if something had gone…well, not wrong, but not as planned. Last-minute C-section, labor going on for hours and hours, or a labor lasting no time at all and her not even making it to the hospital.
But, aside from the small wrinkle of Rick having to meet her at the hospital and arriving in zombie makeup - which he took off immediately - everything was perfect.
Holding her son now, in the quiet aftermath of perhaps the most chaotic fourteen hours of her life, is perfect.
Actually…not quite.
A quiet knock precedes the door slowly opening, and she looks up, smiles when Rick's head appears.
"Hey," he says quietly, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. He takes his now-familiar place in the chair next to the bed, and he presses his lips to her temple, cups the back of their son's head. "How we doing?"
Kate sighs and leans into his embrace. "Good," she breathes, lifting her head in a silent request for a kiss.
"How do you feel about a couple visitors? Both our parents are chomping at the bit, and Jim looks like he's about to break down the door."
Kate chuckles, her heart swelling with gratitude. She and her dad grew closer throughout her pregnancy, so she isn't surprised that he's anxious to meet his grandson. And although Martha hasn't been back in the city for very long, she's become a bit of a maternal figure to her.
This kid is going to be so spoiled.
"Let our parents in," she tells Rick, knowing that Lanie, Ryan, Espo, and probably other friends are out there too. But their friends will have to wait; the grandparents come first.
"Okay. Hey."
She turns to Rick, leans into the soft caress of his fingers on her cheek. His lips brush against hers for the briefest moment, and his nose nudges hers when they part.
"I love you," he whispers. "And I'm so…you're so…" He sighs and leans back, looks into her eyes. "I just love you so much."
Kate's heart races with anticipation. There's a warm, almost nervous gleam in his blue eyes, through the shimmer of tears. Lanie's words from the other day echo in her mind, almost hang between them, her suggestion that forever may come soon.
She'd laughed her friend's words off, even though she's had the same thought. They've talked about every single step of their relationship before taking it, though, so she has no reason, no precedence, to think that the pattern wouldn't hold for whatever may come next.
Still, the way Rick looks at her now…
It makes her wonder.
It makes her hope.
He kisses her again and drops his lips to the top of their son's head before standing and heading to the door.
Rick disappears, and she grins when the door opens again and Martha and her dad walk in. Both sets of eyes fall to the bundle in her arms, and her eyes fill with tears when she sees the emotion on her usually-stoic father's face.
Jim is at her side in moments, and he presses a kiss to the top of her head and gives her a squeeze before turning his attention to his grandson. "Oh Katie," he breathes, his voice thick with emotion, "he's perfect."
Kate offers him a watery smile of her own. "He is," she agrees. "You wanna hold him?"
"Helluva Father's Day gift, isn't it, kiddo?" Martha says from the foot of the bed, nudging Rick's side.
Kate meets Rick's surprised gaze with her own. "Huh? What do you mean?"
"It's Sunday, dear."
"Oh my God." Kate chuckles and gestures for Rick, pulls him down for a long, chaste kiss when he's at her side. "I guess your gifts will be a little late."
Rick echoes her chuckle and kisses her again. "Are you kidding? You already gave me the best one ever," he whispers, resting his forehead against hers.
"So," Martha asks, "did we finally decide on a name, or is he just going to be Cosmo for the rest of his life?"
Rick lifts his head in mock offense. "Hey, Cosmo Castle has a certain ring to it."
Kate rolls her eyes. "He's not Cosmo." She meets Rick's gaze, and he gives her an almost imperceptible nod. "He's Lucas. Lucas James."
Kate's been tired before.
Thanks to her chosen profession, she's used to having a non-existent sleep schedule, to living off coffee and cat naps so she can put everything she has into a case. Pregnancy didn't help; if anything, she's slept even less, especially in the last few months.
And, unfortunately, not only is there no end in sight, but she's pulled Rick right along with her.
"You need anything?"
She lifts her head - when did she lean back? - and meets Rick's bleary gaze with her own. "No. Why are you up?" she asks in a whisper.
Rick comes all the way into the nursery and kneels in front of the rocker, runs his hand over the mop of unruly hair on Lucas's head as he nurses. "Woke with both of you," he explains, his voice rough with sleep. "Need water or anything?"
"No, I think I'm good. Thanks though." She shifts Lucas when she feels his mouth go slack against her breast. She and Rick both look down, and she smiles when she sees that Lucas has fallen asleep. "Looks like he's done for now."
Rick offers a low chuckle and reaches for the baby. "I'll take it from here."
Kate lets him take Lucas from her arms, watches as he circles the room, slowly rubs their child's back.
They've only been home for a week, but already, Kate wonders how the hell she considered not even trying to find Rick. He's been nothing short of a saint, often waking with her in the middle of the night, encouraging her to rest whenever she can. He's changed most of the diapers, practically waits on her hand and foot, and manages to calm Lucas down so quickly, and so often, that she's started calling him the baby-whisperer.
"I prefer 'ruggedly handsome dad,'" he'd teased when she first called him that.
She feels her eyelids droop, the siren song of sleep beckoning, but she forces herself to stay awake as Rick holds their son. She wants to soak it all in, doesn't want to miss a single moment of any of this.
She doesn't realize she fell asleep until she wakes up to Rick lifting her in his arms. "What are you doing?"
"Taking you back to bed."
"That's very sweet of you, but I can walk."
Rick offers a tired smile. "I was hoping you wouldn't wake up," he admits, lowering her to the floor.
She may not need to be carried, but she welcomes his arm around her back, the solid warmth of his body offering support as they make their way downstairs. His steps are almost sluggish, she notices, as are hers, and she knows he must be just as tired as she is.
"Thank you," she whispers at their bedroom door, mindful of the sleeping newborn in the bassinet inside.
"For what?"
She squeezes his waist and leans back so she can look up at him. The list of specifics is too long; she just knows that, without him, her life would be unrecognizable from the one she has today. So she just settles on one word:
"Everything."
Somehow, after the initial week spent trying to just keep their feet under them as they navigated having a newborn for the first time in both their lives, they're able to settle into something resembling a routine.
As much of a routine as Lucas allows them, anyway.
When they're not feeding him or bathing him or changing him or even just holding him, they're simply trying to survive. She quickly learns how much laundry an 8-pound human can generate, and almost immediately learns to ignore it for longer than she probably should.
Their friends and family come by often, Martha spending her non-matinee days at their apartment, Jim on the weekends, their friends whenever they're able to.
Even Gates visits, bringing with her well-wishes from the precinct, which includes two large boxes of diapers.
Kate's never been so happy to see fucking diapers.
She treasures the time spent with her loved ones, even if she has nagging guilt that she's taking advantage of their kindness when Martha plucks Lucas from her arms and instructs her to take a nap, or when Maddie pushes up her sleeves and washes the dishes that have been sitting in the sink for three days.
"Don't you dare," Maddie says when Kate tries to apologize for the pile of plates. "You're keeping another person alive, that's enough on its own. Rick's helping, right? Or do I have to kick his handsome ass?"
Kate flushes and dips her head down, wishing her hair wasn't pulled back so it could hide her red cheeks. "No ass-kicking necessary. He's incredible, Maddie. I couldn't do it without him."
Maddie must hear something in her voice, because she glances back and smirks. "Uh-huh," she drawls.
"What's that for?"
"Nothing." Maddie shrugs. "I just haven't seen that look in your eyes since that one guy junior year."
"Which guy?"
Maddie wipes her hands on a towel and leans her elbows on the counter, her brows wiggling. "You know, that French exchange student, the guy who took your virg-"
"Yeah, okay, I know who you're talking about," Kate interrupts, her cheeks flushing even deeper. She's glad Rick's in the shower; otherwise he'd start pestering Maddie for details. She'd never hear the end of it.
"That's not a great comparison, considering," she points out, remembering how utterly devastated she was when, just weeks after returning to France, his responses to her written love letters and poems had fizzled out to nothing.
When she finally admitted to herself that he'd stopped writing back on purpose, she'd been so heartbroken, she refused to leave her room for days.
"My point is," Maddie says, bringing her back to the present, "you have this goofy, starry-eyed look anytime someone mentions his name, and anytime you see him. It's kind of gross, actually."
Kate hears the tease in Maddie's voice, but she rolls her eyes anyway, even though this isn't the first time someone has told her that. Lanie said the same thing a few days before Lucas was born.
As if on cue, she hears the shower turn off and, at the same time, Lucas starts to stir. She and Maddie both pause, listening to the monitor until they hear Lucas settle back down. Sounds of Rick getting dressed come through the monitor as well, and Maddie comes around the counter, pulls Kate in for a tight hug.
"I just love seeing you happy," she says with a sigh, stepping back. "You deserve it."
Kate offers a shy smile. "Thanks. I am happy. We gotta work on your love life next."
Maddie snorts, but before she can respond, Rick pads into the kitchen, dressed and running a towel through his damp hair.
"Shower's all yours if you want it," he announces. "Hey, Maddie."
"Hi, Rick."
Kate rolls her eyes again at the teasing drawl to Maddie's voice, and she stands when her friend starts towards the door. "Tell me you didn't come over just to clean my kitchen and hold my kid," she teases.
"No, I also came over to gossip," she fires back with a raised brow. "And maybe point out that you said 'my kitchen.' 'My,' as in 'yours.' Not 'Rick's kitchen.' 'Your kitchen.' Anyway, I gotta go." She slips on her sandals and pulls Kate into a tight hug. "Need to get to the restaurant. See you next week."
MID-JULY
She doesn't plan it. Doesn't even think about it.
Not often, anyway.
A few days after the visit from Maddie, Rick plucks Lucas from her arms after a 5am feeding and all but banishes her back to their room. He's overdue for what he calls DLT - Dad-Lucas Time - and for once, in no small part to the hour of actual sleep she got between his last two feedings, she doesn't argue.
She only sleeps for another hour, her internal clock maddingly used to sleeping in short shifts, but even so, feels surprisingly rested now. She makes her way to the living room in search of her family and coffee, not necessarily in that order, and heads upstairs when her guys are nowhere to be found.
My guys, she thinks with a small smile.
Rick had woken with her around 5, so she isn't surprised to find him fast asleep in the chair in the nursery. What makes her stop in her tracks, though, is the sight of their son, strapped to his chest, also asleep.
Thankful that carrying her phone is second-nature by now, she snaps a quick picture, then heads back downstairs as a myriad of emotions settle in her chest. Adoration, a little disbelief that this is her life. An overwhelming sense of love.
She can't imagine doing this without Rick.
She can't imagine not having him in her life.
Gone are the days where she walked on proverbial eggshells, worried that one wrong step would send him running to the hills. Rick isn't going anywhere, she knows, and neither is she.
Still…
She wants to shout it from the rooftops, wants the world to know.
She wants to spend the rest of her life with this man.
They haven't even brought up her moving in for good, not since he'd briefly mentioned it in the Hamptons a couple months ago. That would be the next logical step in their relationship.
Fuck it.
They have a kid. The timeline of their relationship has been anything but conventional.
She hears footsteps approach as she sits at the counter sipping coffee and reading the paper, and she smiles when she feels familiar lips on her neck. "Morning," she whispers.
"Morning," Rick husks. "Thought I told you to go back to bed."
She hums and turns to face him, notices Lucas still asleep in the sling, presses her lips against the top of her baby's head. "I did," she says quietly. "Got up a few minutes ago."
Rick echoes her hum and ducks into the bedroom, emerges a minute later without Lucas, and goes straight to the coffee pot. "He barely even stirred when I put him down," he says, pouring coffee into the Best Dad Ever mug she'd given him when they celebrated Father's Day - a few days late, since Lucas decided to arrive on the day itself.
She barely listens as he fills her in on that morning's DLT, which seemed to consist of two diaper changes, a few laps around the nursery, and a nap.
"I want to get married."
The words are out before she realizes they even formed, and she presses her fingers to her mouth, the surprise she feels reflected in Rick's wide eyes when he turns to look at her.
"Not right this second," she continues when the silence drags on a moment too long. "I know I've needed to talk about every step of our relationship before we take it, and we haven't talked about this. I haven't even moved in-"
"Yeah you have," he interrupts, setting his coffee down and taking a step towards her. "At least, I don't see this as a temporary arrangement, not anymore. Obviously, I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to go back to your place, but-"
It's her turn to interrupt and further close the distance between them with a step of her own. "I don't. Your place - our place," she corrects herself, remembering Maddie's words from a few days before, "it's home now. So as long as you'll have me…" She shrugs. "I, for one, don't want anything else. Or anyone else," she adds.
His gaze softens.
"So, I'll say it again," she continues, reaching for him, cupping her hands at his elbows, "I want to get married. I'm done waiting, Rick. I'm done being too scared of pain that may never come to allow myself happiness. Neither of us knows what the future holds. But I do know that I want to face it with you."
Rick smiles, and he lifts one hand to gently cup her cheek, leans down to brush his lips across hers. "Hold that thought," he murmurs before stepping away.
She can only wait as he disappears into his office, her nerves almost going into overdrive. She takes a sip of coffee to calm down, can breathe again only when he reappears with his hand in the pocket of his robe.
"I've been waiting for the right time," he husks, emotion making his voice rough. "I didn't want to do it too early, in case I accidentally moved too fast and pushed you away. But, well, I've had this for a while."
He pulls a small box from his pocket, sets it on the counter, and takes her hands in his. "When my second marriage ended, I gave up on the possibility that there could be someone out there who I'd want to spend the rest of my life with - more specifically, someone who wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I figured it just wasn't the hand I was dealt, and over time, I developed that reputation of being the guy who's in it for a good time, not a long time. And I was okay with that."
His thumbs rub small circles on the back of her hands. "And then I met you."
"Rick," she whispers, her voice cracking.
"And the more I learn about you, the more time I spend with you, I just want more. I want everything. You're it for me, Kate. I love you so much it hurts," he rasps. "So-"
If she didn't know any better, she'd swear her heart skips a beat when he takes the box and opens it to reveal a simple, elegant, diamond ring.
"Oh, hang on." He starts to kneel down, but she grabs the lapels of his robe and pulls him up.
"I think technically I should be on one knee," she jokes, her throat tight, tears threatening, "since I asked."
"Only on a timing technica-"
She interrupts him with the press of her mouth against his. "So, is that a yes?" she whispers when they finally part, both a little breathless.
Rick chuckles and takes the ring from the box, slides it onto her finger. "Yes, Kate. That's a yes."
A/N: Stay tuned for the epilogue.