Chapter Ten: The Weight of Grief
Aaron rolled Alison over to one of the picnic tables that they had set up a couple of feet away from the playground so the people of Alexandria could enjoy watching the children play. Aaron knew himself, that he enjoyed watching his daughter play. Her innocence and laughter, it reminded him that there was still good in the world. He could tell that Alison was content in watching Judith play and decided that the stables could wait so Alison could enjoy this moment, knowing Carl wouldn't mind. Once he placed the brakes on the wheelchair, he took a seat next to Alison before fixing her blanket a little to ensure that she stayed warm. He couldn't help but smile as Judith made her way to the top, claiming victory over her brother. "Did you have any children in your community?" Aaron asked, hoping he could get a bit more of Alison's story, since there was still so much they didn't know about her.
Alison's attention shifted from Judith to Aaron. She pressed her lips together as if debating rather or not to answer his question before shaking her head.
"No, I was the only child there, but I didn't mind though," Alison paused as she went back to watching Judith play, a slight smile appearing on the corners of her mouth, "I was an only child so I was used to being by myself. I managed to keep myself busy." Alison explained.
"Still, must of been lonely, what about friends?" Aaron asked.
Alison considered Aaron's question, thinking back on her friends, or rather the lack of them. "I didn't have friends…no one really liked me." Alison admitted, her voice soft. As she spoke, she shrugged slightly, trying to mask the sorrow behind her words. The gesture was meant to show that the absence of friends didn't bother her as much as it did. She recalled how often she stood on the sidelines, watching as all the other kids play, wishing she could join in.
"I find that hard to believe," Aaron replied, "you didn't have any friends?"
"No one likes a nerd." Alison mumbled, a frown creasing her brow as she gave another slight shrug. "I was fine though, I had my dad. I didn't need any friends." Alison explained, her expression softening as she thought about her dad. To her, her father was much more than a parent. He was her best friend. He was always there for her, no matter what.
"What about your mom?" Aaron asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
"I didn't have a mom. She left when I was just a baby, said that she wasn't ready for a family. It was just my dad and I." Alison explained. She didn't know much about her mother. Her dad hardly spoke about her and when he did, it was clear that he still loved her, and was still in pain from her leaving.
Aaron nodded in understanding, his expression softening. "I know whats that like. I was raised by a single parent- my mom. My dad died when I was very young. I only remember him in bits and pieces, just a few moment really." He paused, seeming to collect his thoughts before speaking again. "You know," but before Aaron could get another word out, David, one of Alexandria's citizens who worked on construction, hurried towards the two of them. David was drenched from head to toe, water dripping from his hair as if he just took a swim in the lake.
"David." Aaron greeted, ready to hear an explanation.
David took a moment to catch his breath before speaking. "We have a serious issue. One of our main water lines has burst," David said urgently, "the shut-off valve is rusted shut. We can't stop the flow of water. If we don't get a handle on this soon, we are gonna lose most of our water supplies." he added, his concern clear in his voice.
"We need your help. You helped to build the system so you know it best." David explained.
Aaron cursed, frustrated. He didn't want to leave Alison, he promised that he be by her side and he didn't want to break his promise and abandon her. He knew her trust wouldn't be easily returned but the reality was urgent. Alexandria needed water especially with winter approaching, with the chance of the well freezing over. Taking a deep breath, Aaron turned to Alison. "I'm sorry, but I need to handle this," he said, his voice nearly pleading with Alison to understand, "I'll be back as soon as I can. It's gonna be ok." Aaron said before getting to his feet and taking off down the road with David by his side.
Carl kept an eye on Judith, making sure she stayed safe. He would glance over at Aaron and Alison every few minutes, frowning when Aaron suddenly took off running. He noticed how Alison became visibly uncomfortable, her eyes darting around as if she was trying to find away to escape. Carl turned his attention back to Judith, who was climbing up another level of the makeshift tower that Aaron had made for the kids. "Judith, are you going to be alright on your own for a little bit? I won't be far." Carl asked.
"Yeah, I got this." Judith replied confidently. She steadied her foot on the metal pole before pulling herself up higher. Carl smiled
"Alright, just be careful." He said before walking over to Alison, stopping when she looked like a deer caught in headlights, frozen and scared. Carl felt a bit of hesitation, debating on whether or not he should head back before deciding to stay and sitting down on the farside of the picnic table. "Hey," He started, trying to ease the tension. "I'm Carl, and you're Alison, right?" Carl asked, keeping his voice friendly and casual, hoping to make her feel more comfortable.
Alison bit her bottom lip a little before speaking, "...yeah…I'm Alison"
"It's nice to meet you." Carl said, offering up a smile. He pointed to Judith, who was in the middle of attempting to hung upside down "That's my sister Judith over there." After a brief pause, Carl's expression turned curious. "Where did Aaron run off to?" He asked as he glanced around a little in hopes of locating the man.
"Uh...one of your waterlines exploded…he went to help." Alison explained.
Carl nodded in understanding. "Do you want to spend some time with Judith and I while you wait for him to come back," Carl asked, "you don't have to talk if you don't feel like it. I won't ask you any questions. You must be tired of all the questions. It's okay if you just want to relax and hang out. We can wait together until Aaron returns." Carl offered.
Alison chewed on her bottom lip a little, a nervous habit that she had when she was unsure about something. After a brief pause, she finally nodded, "...I guess that would be alright." She attempted to give Carl a small smile, trying to show that she was at least somewhat okay.
Carl smiled warmly as he stood up and moved around Alison's wheelchair, taking the breaks off before guiding her towards the playground, stopping in front of what could only be described as a tower of metal poles that intertwined with one another as they reached up towards the sky.
"Judith," Carl called out, "you want to come down for a moment?" He watched as his sister carefully made her way down, waiting until her feet hit the ground before introducing her to Alison. "Judith, this is Alison. The girl that Maggie and Daryl brought back," Carl explained even though he was sure Judith already knew who she was.
A soft blush ran across Judith cheeks as she stood partially behind Carl. "Hey," Judith said softly with a hint of shyness. "Did you get my card?" Judith asked.
"Card?" Alison asked confused, her brow furrowing.
Judith hesitated for a moment before explaining. "Yeah, I made you a get well card, Maggie said she would give it to you. Didn't she give it to you?" Judith asked.
Alison could briefly recall seeing a card covered in glitter sitting on her bedside table, "Oh yeah, I got your card. That was very nice of you, thank you."
Judith couldn't help the smile that spread across her cheeks "Did it make you feel better?" she asked, hoping the card worked.
Alison smiled. "Yeah, It made me feel better," she replied, "that was very nice of you to make that for me, thank you."
Judith felt a rush of excitement. "I can make you another one if you like," she said with enthusiasm, "It will help you feel better faster." Judith said, wanting to help Alison recover.
"That would be nice, but only if you want to." Alison replied softly.
Judith's smile grew even wider as she stepped out from behind Carl, feeling more comfortable. "Would you like to play a game?" Judith asked, catching Ailson off guard at the sudden change of topic.
"...Sure, I would love to play a game with you." Alison replied, pausing for a moment as she realized that she couldn't remember the last time she actually played a game. She figured Judith would choose something along the lines of Hungry Hungry Hippos, Snakes and Ladder, Candy Land. There was also that one game with the crocodile where you pressed down its teeth- whatever that game was called.
"What did you have in mind?" Alison asked, secretly hoping that Judith would suggest Candy Land.
"Incoming Walkers!" Judith shouted, raising her hands in front of her and proceeded to make a sound that Alison could only assume was meant to be a Walker.
"What's Incoming Walkers?" Alison asked with a mix of curiosity and confusion.
Judith's eyes sparkled with excitement as she started to explain, "It's really simple, We pretend that Walkers are breaking into the community, and we have to get up as high as we can so they can't reach us until help comes." Judith said as she pointed up towards the makeshift jungle gym.
Instantly, Alison grasped the idea. This wasn't just a game, it was a way to train Judith. Judith was learning an essential skill. Climbing high would help her stay safe in case Walkers ever did break into the community. To Judith it was just a game, a way to have fun, but it was preparing her for the world that they now lived in. If Walkers broke in and Judith was trapped outside, she would know what to do and would be able to do it quick. Alison wondered if other kids in the community was taught the same game.
"Judith, I don't think Alison wants…" Carl began to say, but he was quickly interrupted by Alison. "I play that game with you." Alison said, using her feet to kick up the footrests of her wheelchair before using the armrests to pushed herself up into a standing precision. Her legs trembled beneath her weight, and her knees seemed to be on the verge of buckling. She took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out as she got her body under control.
"Wait!" Carl said in a bit of a panic, his voice tight with concern. "You should be taking it easy, you're still healing." Carl explained, not sure if he should be helping or pushing Alison back into the wheelchair.
Alison shook her head. "Siddiq wants me up and about and moving around to help with my recovery," Alison explained as she gestured towards the jungle gym, "what better way to get moving around then to climb that. So, how do we begin?" Allison asked as she looked to Judith.
Judith jumped up and down with excitement. She looked over at the gates, her mind quickly making up a scenario. She let out a pretend scream as she pointed towards the gates "Walkers are breaking through our walls," She exclaimed, "we must make our way to the top before they catch us and wait for help!" With that, Judith took hold of Alison's hand and pulled her forward. "Go ahead of me, I will be right behind you." Judith said, stepping aside to give Alison space to climb.
Alison paused for a moment, glancing down at her arm that sat snuggly in the sling. A frown crossed her face as she felt the weight of her injury, realizing that she wouldn't be able to do the things that she used to. She pressed her lips together in determination as she lifted her arm up and grasped the pole firmly. Using the pole as support, she pulled herself upwards, drawing on every once of strength she had. She placed her feet on the first level of the tower, steadying herself.
Carl positioned himself behind Alison. He wasn't entirely sure he be able to catch her if she lost her balance, but he wanted to be ready. At the very least he be able to soften the impact and protect her from the hard landing. Carl gave a slight nod to Judith when he caught her looking at him, letting her know that it was alright. With that small reassurance, she began to climb up beside Alison.
Alison quickly became frustrated when it became clear that climbing up one handedly was proving to be much more difficult that she had anticipated. She struggled to find her footing and maintain her balance, each attempt to climb up ended in failure. With every slip, her confidence dwindled. After several attempts of trying, she finally shook her head in defeat. "I can't." Alison said, her voice heavy with disappointment. With a sigh, she lowered herself back down on the ground.
"You got to, the Walkers are coming!" Judith shouted.
"Sorry, Judith, it seems like I'm not going to make it out alive this time." Alison said, her voice filled with sadness. She turned away, unable to hold back her emotions. With a heavy heart, she moved back to the wheelchair. Once seated she looked away, trying to hide the tears that filled her eyes. The reality of her situation felt overwhelming, making it hard to breath. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to keep the tears at bay.
Alison soon found herself back in the infirmary, a place that was becoming all too familiar to her. She gazed lazily out the window, her head resting heavily against the wall. The view from outside blurred as she allowed herself to cry, allowing herself to truly feel the loss of her arm.
Since waking up Alison haven't had a chance to grieve for what she had loss. But now, as the reality set in, she couldn't stop the tears. Tears streamed down her face as she tried to process everything. Alison let her tears fall freely, finally acknowledging the grief she had been pushing aside. For the first time, Alison wondered if taking her arm was the best choice she could of made. What did she have to look forward to? Her community, her family was gone, her father was gone. What did she have left to live for?