Alastor smiled as he watched the boy pull the cart. "Remind me... why I'm lifting... bowling balls?" He asked. "Like, I know you love torturing me, but usually there's a rhyme and reason."
"Why, dear Suzuki, you're our bellhop! If you can't pull up a death ray some patron happens to bring to the hotel and up to their room, what are we not paying you for?"
"No one is bringing death rays to the hotel." The nagging voice of 'Vagatha,' the hotel 'manager'/ bodyguard, glared at him. "No one's going to bring any weapons of any kind, period."
"Either way, good training for lifting heavy bags." Alastor shrugged. Truth be told, it was all in response to how sappy the date went, and barely ANYTHING went wrong! Sure, the imp assassin was entertaining, but it barely amounted to anything, thanks to the interference. Overobessive elder figures and that boy had REALLY strange connections with other people all over hell. At the very least, it made messing around with Charlie very entertaining whenever he chose to be petty. "And I have to get my entertainment somewhere until this hotel gains more than one patron."
"I can entertain you if you're willin' to come to my room." Angel Dust spoke with a sultry smirk.
"Never EVER going to happen!"
"... I should start hiding in Angel Dust's room," Iruma muttered as he moved the bags.
"Ask me again when you're six years older, and your balls drop." The pitiable pornstar cackled, only to get a punch from Vagatha. "Can't you take a joke?! Like I'd fuck the little twerp in any case!"
"You stick your dick in anything that moves," Husker growled.
"NOT TRUE... I only stick it in women if they pay big." The prostitute grinned. "Though I could stick it anywhere YOU want, baby.." He petted the kitty, only to get shoved off the counter.
"See, it's just one-note prostitution jokes. No variety in the humor there."
"And you're just a one-note cheap talk show sadist whose only contribution so far as a whole is tormenting a teenager." Vagatha glared.
"I also act as a cannibal, dealmaker, and lover of old classics." He stated. "As for contributions, I fixed up the building, gave you the majority of your staff, and advertised the hotel on an almost daily basis." It's like she didn't appreciate any of his work.
"Yes… while we're… grateful for all you've done…" Charlie came in, her eyes twitching at actually complimenting him. "You're... advertisement only shows off how bad everything is."
"It's the truth and nothing but the truth." He stated. "What happens around the boy all the time? You can hear first hand in live detail the nature of how you aim to rehabilitate sinners, how efficiently we run every nook and cranny, and some interesting tidbits about our lives that draw sinners into wanting to experience it first hand." Alastor held out the mic. "Don't forget, if you want to draw in a crowd, it can't just be a fancy lie. It's hell. EVERYONE lies all the time!"
"Yes, well... I was thinking maybe we can have fewer people in hell hearing how bad everything is and more SHOWING the kind of work we're trying to accomplish here." The princess went. "Something a little more... televised."
Creeeek
The static around Alastor blared. "My oh my... I never expected trash taste from hell's very own royalty!"
"Isn't a television just a radio with a screen?" Young Suzki asked
"…"
"You're going to torture me now, aren't you?"
"You'll have a three-second head start starting now."
"No one's torturing anybody!" Vagatha pulled out that inane angelic spear.
"Not taking the chance!" The boy ran out the door.
"He's getting pretty used to the limp," Nifty noted as she dusted off the ceiling.
"Yes, yes, he is." Alastor grinned as he summoned the chains and pulled the boy right back with one yank. "Bad dog. Now, please sit still and take your medicine.."
"Alastor." The princess growled.
"Just a talk princess. I mean, seriously, it at least makes more sense than suggesting you use pre-recorded and false advertising on a mindless numbing screen that's so unimaginative it doesn't let the viewers imagine a picture."
"It would at least help paint a better picture of what we're trying to accomplish here." Charlie glared.
"Come now, why would you ever need that? You have hell's most listened-to show!" He shouted. "And it's done wonders for the Imeditate Murder Professionals!" Being able to spread his mayhem to the human world, even if it was indirect... His second-best investment to date.
"Soon, they're gonna have enough customers to make it. Kids die for free for the purchase of one horrible father." His entertainment shrugged.
"Look, it's been over a week since we've officially started, and we need to start branching out how we're gonna reach the sinners if we're going to redeem them." The princess went on.
"You ever think that's just cause no one believes in the dream?" Husk asked.
"No, someone out there has to. I just know it." The princess said delusionally. "I mean, we still have Angel here despite everything."
"I thought that was just because he wanted a free room?" Iruma questioned.
"Free room and enough money to buy crack whenever I want." The spider 'helpfully' contributed.
"See, now all of hell knows you allow free room and board."
"Alastor.." The princess groaned. "You've done a lot to help the hotel, I won't deny that. You've cleaned it up and got us bigger staff… but compared to everyone here, you are the laziest demon I've ever met. Husk, Nifty, and especially Iruma do what's needed, but you… no, you've done nothing so far to show you're worth keeping around."
Oooh... she wanted to go there, did she? "...You want a commercial… then I'll give you a damn good commercial ... " He contorted reality and let the screams of the wendigo howl throughout the realm.
"You curse?" Iruma blinked.
"Iruma, my boy, I am above such frivolities… but on occasions, there are certain situations and people that just push your buttons.." He growled. "For me, it's Dogs, Television, McDonald's, and those that don't show the proper respect." Alastor used his powers and summoned a camera, a rather shoddy and distasteful digital one. "Now, Iruma, help me walk around town and film this irrelevant waste of time and brain cells." It was time to show them what an advertisement REALLY looked like in his eyes.
Lute hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in a while. Given she was an angel, sleep was more of a fun hobby than a requirement for most, but it was still something to help unfrazzle the mind… and her brain had been nothing BUT frazzled within the past two weeks.
An exorcist was dead. A human did it. Emily was threatening violence to accusers and demanded to see Lucifer himself! Sera still denied the whole thing, telling her it was dangerous to go down there and she could be corrupted... but… "I DON'T CARE!" The voice of Emily, freakin EMILY, yelled as Lute had no choice but to take it all in. "I am GOING to hell today if it's the last thing I do!"
"It LITERALLY could be the last thing you do!" Lute shouted back. It could also be the last thing Lute ever does if she took the obsessive seraphim down.
"Adam's weaker than me, and he's going!" Emily accused back.
"Yes." Sera nodded. "And that would be an acceptable loss if Lucifer lost his temper."
"Yeah, it-wait what?" Adam did a spit-take.
"...Acceptable loss…" Emily glared. "...Since when do you talk like that, Sera?" The younger Seraphim looked up to her sister suspiciously.
"I do when hell is involved, Emily." The head seraphim stated. "It's a dangerous, violent place that could hurt anyone at any moment, and no angel could have their safety assured."
"I can handle myself!"
"You could barely handle earth, Emily," Sera spoke with a sigh.
"I handled earth just fine. It's the lack of CARE that's driving me nuts here!"
"It's dangerous enough that an angel died." She said. "We didn't even know that was possible till now."
"Yeah, and I'm NOT buying that either." Emily glared. "Nobody actually saw the angel die by Iruma's hands, and you have failed to give me actual proof it was him! For all I know, you could be lying!"
"Emily, angels aren't supposed to lie…" Sera pointed out.
"They aren't supposed to die either, yet you're choosing to believe one over the other?" Emily frowned.
"Because they gave me a body." Sera glared. "A beheaded body. That's not something I will take lightly, no matter what."
"And a living soul in hell isn't something I'm going to take lightly EITHER!" Emily shouted, turning to Lute and Adam. "I told you, I freaking TOLD you two that Iruma was still alive, and you just waved it off! You didn't take me seriously, and only NOW do you believe it when it suits you?! You can't just pick what's true and what's not at your convenience!"
"I never said I didn't believe you. I said there was nothing we could do." Sera stated firmly. "Now drop this, Emily."
"No." The young seraphim glared as a few feathers fell to the ground. "I'm not going to drop this. I'm NEVER going to drop this until I get some clear answers-!"
Ring
"Cool your tits, shrieky, just got a text from hell." Adam waved his hand in the air.
"...Our reception reaches hell?" Emily asked.
"Only a few spotty places. Mostly higher-ups." Lute stated.
"… Then let me talk with hell on the phone!" Emily shouted. "There is literally no danger over a phone call!"
"Hey, hey, hey, watch it, watch it, I just got a new data plan on it!" Adam held it out of reach as he looked at it. "Oh cool, won't have to deal with the fucker."
"Meeting was called off?" Lute questioned, hoping he would take them out.
"Nah, he's sending his bitch daughter to deal with it." Adam waved.
"His daughter…" Emily's eyes lit up. "Sera, please, please let me go. You have to let me go now! If she's lower than Lucifer, then there's not nearly as much danger as before, and I'll be with Adam and Lute the entire time! Between the three of us, there'll be hardly any danger at all!"
"I... I don't-"
"PLEASE Sera... " The young seraphim bowed. "This'll be the last thing I'll ever ask for… I just need one chance to save him... Just one…please give that.."
Sera looked at them for a minute before sighing. "... Fine…"
"YES-!"
"But there will be ground rules." Sera continued. "And I don't want them broken this time."
"Wha, come on, I only broke one last time."
"So the report about a white pillar of flames with many eyes in China was a lie?"
"... I don't know what that was about." The girl said with a straight face.
"Ugh, for the second time in a million years, I have a headache." Sera groaned. "Rule number one, you are to go to the heaven embassy and ONLY the embassy. If you go beyond the lobby, Adam and Lute and any angel under their authority are empowered to drag you back to heaven personally."
Lute personally felt the power boost when Sera waved a hand over her and Adam. Felt fuckin' incredible. "Hell yeah, shit's kickin' in!" Adam cackled.
"Rule number two, you are to only talk with Lucifer's daughter and whoever she brings to the meeting. Anybody else you are strictly forbidden from talking to."
"Understood." The young seraphim nodded. "I'm sure I can convince her to search for the child and break his contract."
"And Rule number three…" The eyes on Sera's wings opened up. "Whatever Adam and Lute say goes. You listen to them, and they'll report back to me. They have the experience of going to hell. In this instance, they are your superiors."
"... I'll follow whatever they say." Oh, thank fuck, thank you, Sera, for making it so fuckin easy to control this crazy bitch.
"That is all." With those words, Emily gave a 'whoop' as she flew out of the room.
"Adam… Whatever it takes... DON'T let Emily find out about exterminations. If she does… don't bother coming back." Sera glared.
"Yeah, yeah." The man lazily waved. "And the holy slayer she's Gaga ovary crazy over?"
"If the boy is innocent, then treat him like the hellborn and don't engage... If he is, though... Then he's just another sinner to get rid of on extermination."
Her partner smirked. "Will do Sera. Won't let you down."
Charlie watched as the TV turned on. "I'm surprised Alastor even allowed a TV to be inside at all," Iruma noted. "It's an old-time one, though."
"I allow it for the informational picture shows that refuse to use the superior medium. It also prevents that pompous prick overhyped blue screen nobody from trying to sneak a peak at what goes on inside." Alastor ground without even wincing.
"I know it must've been difficult, but thank you nonetheless." Charlie smiled. She didn't trust Alastor one single bit, but as long as he lived with her, she was going to make sure he actually helped.
"I do hope you enjoy it. I'm unfamiliar with the medium in detail, so I gave it a bit of a freestyle spin."
The screen changed, showing off a couple of demons brutalizing a corpse. "Why hello there, sinners. Are you interested in violence, substance abuse, and sexually depraved occurrences?" Alastor's voice asked, his arm spreading out into the screen to hold up a microphone, where the image started to get static. "What if I told you there was a place that had none of that!?" The screen switched to their place, and multiple drawings showed their own little dialogue. "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, where we take wayward souls and try our best to futilely redeem them!"
"...You know, at this point, I'm not going to fight the name anymore." Charlie groaned, already knowing where this was going.
"That's a win for all of us, my dear!"
"Headed by our very own princess, Charlie Morningstar, who's doing her best to help others and ignore her own daddy issues." It showed a picture of Charlie and Iruma awkwardly patting her duck-covered and crying dad.
"I wouldn't call them daddy issues. He's just depressed, and Charlie's just disappointed in him." Iruma noted.
"That ain't much better, kid." Husk rolled his eyes.
"Just look at our wonderful staff. Our manager, Vaggie, brutally maims anyone trying to have their own brand of fun." It had an exaggerated picture of her trying to murder Angel Dust.
"Oh fuck you, Alastor!"
"I don't know, he really captured your titless nature." Angel Dust cackled.
"Our front desk and his welcoming energy, Husker!" Husk merely flipped him off and drank. "Our cleaning lady, Nifty!" Nifty just stared at the screen with a blank and silent expression.
"I'm a natural actor, aren't I?"
"... You're natural at something…" Charlie winced in concern.
"Our singular patron, famous pornstar Angel Dust, who'll entertain you with his one-horse shtick of prostitution jokes when he isn't trying to fornicate with every male he sees!" It had Angel Dust's face, but the entire body was pixilated as if he was doing something inappropriate.
"A giant dick… I couldn't imagine myself as anything more beautiful." Angel whipped a tear from his eyes.
"And if it's entertainment and fame you're wanting, then come and get a close look at Iruma Suzuki, the first living mortal soul to be damned to hell before death! Don't be fooled by his naive nature. He killed an angel! Don't believe me, come down here and fight the boy to the death! Be the toughest Demon around and have your victory announced all over Hell! Or just abuse his status as a bellboy to legally order him to do anything you want!"
It showed off the boy on screen, smiling. "I may be forced to work here, but I believe in Charlie's dream... even if there should be a better alternative than Heaven. I mean, who wants to go there?"
"ALASTOR!" She shouted.
"Don't blame me. The boy said that last part all on his own!"
"So call now, even though we don't have a working phone and won't have one anytime soon, to the Hazbin Hotel! You're last desperate solution for survival starts now!"
Everyone started at the screen while Alastor leaned on the TV with that stupid, cheeky grin. "Whataya think!? I figured if truthful wasn't the angle you wanted, I leaned towards comedy to hook the audience in."
"I think it was a mistake to think we could trust you for a simple task," Vaggie said bluntly.
"I could've said that." Iruma raised his hand. "...Sorry that I didn't."
"You know, your first mistake for advertising this tacky hotel was not utilizing the star actor you got at your disposal." Angel Dust leaned on the couch suggestively. "Just three minutes of me and the strawberry pimp going at it, and we would've been rolling in the horniest sinners in hell right now."
"Suggest that again, and I'll do to you what I do to Suzuki!"
"Is that a threat or a promise?" Angel grinned.
"Angel, we're NOT making porn as a commercial." Vaggie glared.
"But if it's upsetting Alastor, don't stop talking about it." Iruma smiled.
"Yeah, don't stop talking about the bad boys you want to get in here…hehehehe.." Nifty cackled.
"Angel… your enthusiasm is… appreciated…" Charlie tried to look for any silver lining here. "But… I think it's better if we go for something… that doesn't exploit you."
"Pfft, your lost bitch, my body is MADE for exploiting!" Angel cheered proudly.
"I thought it was made to suffer forever cause the sinner's body is made immortal but capable of feeling pain and withdrawal?" Iruma questioned.
"And you're made to be a fuckin doormat to wipe our shit off of." The pornstar flipped him off.
"Don't hate the kid for spilling what you don't want to hear." Husk snickered.
This was a mess... Her next best way to drum up hotel patrons, and it fell on her face… again. Charlie wasn't sure what to do next. Angel wasn't helping matters, and neither was Alastor, and she wasn't even CLOSE to figuring out how to end Iruma's contracts. What to do, what to do now…
Da dada dad dada da dad dada
And now she was getting a call from... dad. Oh, joy. "Vaggie, can you take care of this?" She asked.
"Reluctantly, I will," Vaggie responded with a nod.
Charlie walked to a good empty spot, answering. "Hey... dad."
"Hey, Charlie," he responded with a tired tone. "Crazy how our last visit went, huh."
"That's one way to put it," Charlie muttered. "You cried on Iruma for two hours."
"How's your little friend, by the way?"
"He's …" She turned to see the chaos of Vaggie arguing with the group as the boy looked down. "… Good." That was the only way to put it without raising concerns. "I'm actually kind of in the middle of something right now.."
"Listen, I know I shouldn't ask much from you because you're the light of my life, but I need a favor."
Of course, he did because he only ever called when he needed something. "What is it?" She sighed in a tired voice.
"I got in an invention binge last night and stayed up the whole way through, and Heaven is sending this really annoying guy down for a discussion I just can't be a part of."
"Wait, there's a meeting with heaven… today!?" Charlie nearly dropped her phone. That was big news for any day that wasn't the extermination.
"Yeah. They said there was a bit of a change that I needed to be aware of, but I just... can't deal with him …"
"I'll go!" She shouted joyfully.
"Thank you, Charlie, I owe you!"
"Yeah, you do." Charlie hung up. "A meeting with heaven... FUCK YES!" Charlie jumped in the air and let out fireworks. "I have a meeting with Heaven!"
"Cool... good luck." Iruma smiled with a wave.
"Wait, they want a meeting this quickly after extermination?" Vaggie asked with a worried look. "That's... never happened before…"
"I know, it's amazing!" Charlie smiled. "I can finally tell them about my idea and get the hotel officially running for real this time!" She ran up to Iruma. "I want you to come with me."
"Wait what?" Iruma blinked.
"A human soul in hell that's sure to get someone's attention!" She smiled.
"Ah... I'd rather not." He said. "There was only one nice angel I met... the rest have been jerks and or tried to kill me.".
"That's why we're meeting with someone higher up on the hierarchy! They won't be able to ignore it!" Charlie grinned.
The entirety of hell listening in to heaven! Bound to be entertaining!" Alastor shouted. "So please go with her, Suzuki."
"Screw you, Alastor!" Charlie shouted. "We'll get ice cream afterward, I promise."
"Well, that would make the bitter taste get out of my mouth." Iruma gave a small smile. "Okay."
"This doesn't feel right.." Vaggie spoke, though Charlie had already begun turning the world out.
"I can do this, somehow I know it.." She started singing.
"Been a while since we've had a number," Iruma noted
"I'll get Heaven behind my plans.." Heaven was sure to be on board with her more humane ideas
"Charlie, hold on." Vaggie held her by the shoulder.
"There's just no way I could blow it." She affirmed. "Not this once in а lifetime chance."
"It's just a meeting," Vaggie stated
"To change their minds and touch their hearts…Or whatever angels have.."
"I mean, demons have hearts from what I've seen in cannibal town.." Iruma noted. "And I'm pretty sure Angel blood is gold."
"This could be bad…" Vaggie groaned
"Cheer up, Vaggy, this could be swell!" Charlie reassured her girlfriend as she spun her around. "Something tells me that today will be a happy day in hell!" She jumped off and grabbed Iruma, and they leaped out the door.
"Wait, how did we end up halfway through the street already?" The boy blinked.
"The power of music!" That was always how it felt for Charlie, at least. "There's a warm fuzzy feelin' that wafts through the air." She grinned.
"I think that's the sulfur setting in." Iruma stared at the burning building they were passing by
"Every street so revealing it's hard not to stare."
"I think the street's staring at me for some reason." He pointed to a blinking eye on a wall.
"It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhere."
"I mean... not wrong." Iruma stared at a corpse he stepped over on the streets. "If you don't mind the smell.."
"It's a happy day in hell!" Charlie grinned. So many good things could be found if you opened your mind. "Hi, mistеr!" she greeted a passing demon.
"Go fuck yourself!!"
"That's probably on the nicer side of greetings I've seen," Iruma noted as a green-skinned demon passed them by.
"There's an endless trаsh fire that's burning my soul.." Said demon just sighed as he accepted the fire on his back.
"Got a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole!" An imp grinned as he stood on top of an obese demon.
"Why would they want-"
"Just close your eyes!" Charlie covered Iruma's face as she pushed him along.
"Doin' what is required, we all have our role." A buff demon in an executioner mask moaned out.
"I guess things could be less than well..." Iruma looked over the streets.
"Another shitty day in hell!" Her people sang out... people she would save.
"If I can show them the dream I've dreamed! That any soul can change!" That no matter who you were or what you've done, there was a chance for any soul to do good.
"I feel like Angels will be a little hard to change…" Iruma muttered.
"Then they will know everyone can be redeemed... " She screamed.
"Maybe not everyone, Alstor's soul can't be cleaned…"
"From the evil to the strange... !"
"And most Angels are bloodthirsty and deranged..!"
She grabbed Iruma by the hands as she skipped down the street. "I can hear all their stories, the lost and displaced.." She's seen them suffer for far too long. "And I know that they're more of an acquired taste…" Angel Dust was pushing a lot of buttons as is. "But if I open the door and I give them a place... At my Hazbin Hotel…!"
"It'll be a happy day in hell?" Iruma asked.
"Exactly!" She pulled him along as they jumped on a nearby truck and hung on to the back. "From the porn studio, where the cinephiles go, to watch award-winning demon bukkake shows!"
"Well, at least there's cannibal town, where they don't wear a frown." Iruma smiled as they passed by the blacked-eyed demons who were munching on live corpses as they waved to them.
"'Cаuse, holy shit, oh my gosh, why?!" Charlie nearly threw up.
"Oops, better watch your step!" Iruma pushed her out of the way as something pink splashed on her face. "Their brains almost splattered you in the eye."
"Each and every one of them..." She smiled as she whipped the boy's face. " I can spare them from heaven's genocide... !!" Today would be the day she ended the madness. "I can do this; I just know it... !"
"There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul!" The green demon from earlier ran down the street, now completely on fire.
"I'll get Heaven behind my plans!" All she needed was heaven's support, then they'd see.
"Ah-ah!"
"There's just no way I could blow it!" It was the realm of kindness.
"Kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole."
"Seriously, why did he-"
"Ahhhhhh!" Thank you, background singers, for the distraction!
"Not this once а lifetime chance! To change their minds-"
"And touch my parts!" A slimy demon flashed them.
"FUCK OFF!" Charlie shoved the demon away as she coveted Iruma's eyes. "... I'm just gonnа fulfill my destiny... !" She continued.
"Your loss, bitch!"
"I can already tell…" They had finally reached the heaven embassy… They had reached where everything would finally change!
"Today is gonna be a fuckin' happy day in hell…!" She finished off as the music crescendoed.
"… How did you get everyone to harmonize?" Iruma looked back. "I mean, I've burst out into song with Emily once and seen other demons join in, but this was across a whole city.."
"That's just the magic of hell." Charlie nodded as she opened the door. "Now stay close. We need to present our best if they're going to hear us out."
"Understood…" He spoke, taking a deep breath. "Just... try not to have too much hope, alright. It's pretty useless when dealing with a situation like this."
"Hope is never useless, Iruma." She said resolutely.
"But it doesn't fill up your stomach, and it just crushes you most of the time."
"Not all the time." Charlie grinned. This was going to be a good day. She just knew it.
Adam would have preferred using holograms to deal with this. He really, really didn't want to deal with this fucking realm in person. Unless he was slaughtering cunts, of course. "Ughh, I hate this.." Adam slammed his head on the table. The only consolation was the big plate of ribs he took with him.
"We just have to wait it out, sir," Lute whispered. "Make sure Emily's distracted, then give the you know what."
"I already fuckin know." He growled, staring at the anxious-looking Emily. With her around, he wouldn't be able to have as much fun as he usually did, mocking and laughing at the demons for dying brutally and hard. This whole 'human' business turned the young Seraphim into a nagging bitch.
"Don't worry, Emily, you can do this." The girl muttered to herself. "Just ask the princess to search all of hell for the child, deal with the contract, and we can bring him home." The girl winced." I still need to figure out a home to get him to, gotta get those parents arrested and set him up independently… should I consider a sugar mama option… no, no, my baby's too pure for that…"
"I think she's a crazier bitch than her sister like this.." Adam whispered.
"No doubt about it." Lute nodded. "This is why we don't get involved with humans. Even Cherubs get messed up dealing with some people down on earth."
"Yeah... just tough it out, just tough it out… have one quick convo with the bitch, and we can get down to business." Adam groaned. "She should be here any fucking minute now…"
The door slammed open, and the king bastard's daughter walked through that door with an annoyingly peppy smile... and next to her was the brat... fuck. "Hello there, heaven, it's nice to "
"IRUMA!" Em jumped forward and tackled the blue-haired bastard. "You're here, you're here, you're really here. I can't believe you're really here!" The seraphim wrapped her wings around the bastard.
"Hey... Emily …" The slayer nervously winced.
"Iruma, oh, it's been too long!" The angel that was supposed to be above him snuggled with that sinner child, wrapping her arms around his sinful body. "You haven't gotten bigger! Are they feeding you right? You're walking with a limp! Who did that to you!? Who's been hurting you!? Was it those imps!? Are they starving you?! Don't worry, we have food!" Emily floated over and grabbed the plate-
"Hey, those are my fucking ribs!" Adam shouted. "Give those-"
Chomp
The little bastard…ate the whole plate... meat, bone, and plate… in one bite. "Thank you!" And that was minus one point to the brat.
"… Um …" The princess blinked in confusion. "What's going oh …
"Oh, sorry, where are my manners." Didn't need any cause these were filthy demons. "I'm Emily. I'm a Serephim, one of two, actually.." Emily chuckled as she shook his ex's brat. "And Iruma is kind of sort of like my son."
"Not really..." Lute muttered loudly.
Emily glared at them but otherwise just moaned. "Well, guess technically it's Godchild. I was his guardian angel. I protected him from the things on earth that were hurting him... I… I didn't do a good enough job though... I… I failed him." Emily looked to the ground.
"Well… you still did more than my real parents, so you still have that." The little bastard patted the seraphim on the head.
"I'm sorry." The princess bitch looked at her with that dumb look of compassion.
"It's fine, it's fine…" Emily looked at her with a sad smile before lighting up all giddy and shit. "Now that we're all here, we can break the contract on him and get his soul safe and sound!" She exclaimed excitedly.
Adam looked the brat over. "Contracts."
"…I'm sorry, what?" Em blinked.
"I've been around long enough to know that the boy-" Brat, but he was avoiding Em's ballistic rage. "Has about five things going on right now with his soul." It was like a whirlwind with multiple leashes, scars, and something was fuckin wrong with his arm.
"No, it's just the one…" Emily looked confused. "Isn't it?"
"Yeah…" The boy chuckled nervously. "See, my soul... kind of got sold... four times over last week."
"Wooow," Adam smirked. "How much of a dumbass do you have to be to sell your soul so many times?"
Fwoosh
And a ball of holy fire went over his head. "Hey-!"
"Sera may have given you the power to send me back to Heaven… but you will not insult my child in front of me." She growled.
"Fine, fine, whatever." Bitch.
"It's a really long story… one I'm still getting caught up on." The princess bitch chuckled. "Oh, I'm Charlie. I'm the princess of Hell."
"I know. I mean, I heard of you, and when you came in, I figured that's who you were..." Emily shook the demon's hands. "Wow, you're prettier than I expected."
"Aww, thank you. And you have to be one of the nicest people I've ever met." The girl chuckled. "Nicer than the last angel I met anyways."
"… What do you mean?" Emily tilted her head. "All angels are supposed to be nice."
"Well..." Shit, time to intervene!
"So speaking up on the whole 'imp' thing we brought up earlier." Adam cut her off. "We really do need to talk about it."
"The... imp thing?" The princess asked.
"Yeah, Em here's been saying for almost a year that there's a bunch of imps using a Goetia book to murder people topside." He said. "Tried telling your bitch dad about it, but he just said, 'Do whatever, look at my Lu Lu World. It has a Ferris wheel that spins through your happiest memories."
"That does sound like Dad, unfortunately..."'The princess grumbled. "And I have been talking with IMP on numerous occasions to stop their murderous ways and invading the human realm."
"So you've killed those bastards?" Lute glared.
"Well… no…"
"Ah, you arrested them like the whole cops and robbers things then," Adam added. Hell WAS worse than death, after all.
"No, they just yell at each other a lot." The brat spoke up.
"... So you haven't taken ANY action on the blatant rule-breaking?" Lute questioned. "Or even punish the Goetia whose book they are using?"
"It's a process..." the princess groaned. "And they're the only reason why Iruma's not stuck being tortured by Alastor 24/7."
"Who?" Emily asked.
"Oh, he's the demon who my parents sold me to. He got hired by Charlie, so I work for her now."
"..." Em had a frozen expression on her face, gently lifting the boy up, moving him to a corner, and then moving right back to the princess. "... YOU HIRED THE BASTARD WHO'S HURTING THIS BOY ON AN ALMOST DAILY BASIS!?" The crazy bitch shouted as she grew multiple eyes. All six wings flared, and fire raged within the room.
"It's not like that at all, believe me...!" The princess sweated as she shrank in stature. "I only hired him to stop him from torturing Iruma! My hotel's mission is to get sinners out of Hell and into Heaven, and that includes Iruma, especially!"
"What the fuck!?" Adam and Lute titled their heads.
"Yes, I actually came to promote the Hazbin Hotel!" She shouted. "Where we rehabilitate sinners into good people!"
"Redeeming souls..." Emily calmed down and reverted back to base. "That's... that's possible. You can get them into Heaven?"
"It's still in its trial run, but I was hoping to get Heaven to back it up... because there's a lot of souls that don't need to be in Hell..." she turned to Iruma. "Iruma's just the latest example of such."
"... That sounds..." Like a joke, a pathetic attempt for help, something to piss on? "... Like a positively beautiful dream." The woman grinned brightly, bringing the princess into a hug.
"Wow, Iruma was right. Angel hugs ARE soft." The bitch girl muttered.
"RIGHT!?" The brat nodded. "It's like the universe is hugging you."
"... Still think this is gonna be easy?" Adam whispered to Lute.
"Shit balls, no."
"And to be fair, Charlie and I spent three days exploring Hell together on a scavenger hunt." The bastard grinned. "She got me away from Alastor, and we had fun and ate a lot of interesting food... life's definitely gotten easier since I've worked for her."
"Thank you." She smiled before going back to the brat. "Don't worry, we can stop the torture as soon as possible." Em told the dumb kid.
"Yeah… weirdly enough, only Alastor tortures me." The boy said. "Santina just wanted a friend/babysitter, Missi, and the Kaiju Klub just wants me to read them manga every now and then, which is surprisingly pleasant for a group of giant monsters. Octavia just wants to be my girlfriend…"
"You got a girlfriend?" Em asked with wide eyes.
"And the last one was more of a gift." He held out his hand… as a holy gauntlet and sword popped into it.
"What is this..." Emily touched it with awe. "I've never seen something holy shaped like this before..."
"Wait, you've never seen a holy weapon-" The princess asked.
"Adam, this proves he doesn't belong in Hell!" Emily shouted thankfully before the princess could finish. "If he was a sinner, he wouldn't be able to touch something holy!"
"It… it came out of him..." That… that shouldn't be fucking possible! Holy weapons affected the soul. You couldn't just fuse them to your body!
"How did you acquire such an item?" Lute asked, a twitch in her eye, but she kept a calm demeanor. "You said it was a gift. For what purpose did you collect it?"
"I…" The boy hesitated. "… Killed an angel?"
The entire room was silent… he fucking confessed… oooh, this boy was gonna PAY when extermination rolled around. "Iruma... You are a really bad liar." Emily chuckled at the blatant confession! "It's funny to even see you try. You couldn't lie to save your life, let alone kill someone."
"That's what I said!" Liliith's brat cackled. "He's just so bad at it. It was probably a trade-off for that climbing skill. He's really good at it."
"There were a LOT of mountains within the Eurasia area." Em nodded. "Let's try and save all their souls, Adam."
"Emily, her idea is bullshi-"
"Wait… Adam?" Iruma blinked. "As in the first man?"
He smirked. "That's me, little boy."
"Oooh. Charlie told me about you."
The princess's eyes widened. "Wait-"
"You're the sexist guy who broke up with her mom because you didn't want to let her be on top when you two had fun, so she left for the cooler and funner Lucifer, right?" The boy continued.
"... " Adam started charging up the holy light in his arm to incinerate this little bastard.
"Sir-"
Kappow
Adam chose to destroy a chunk of the table instead. "For your fucking information, kid. I am Adam, the original dick! My dick was first, and therefore the best!"
"I didn't ask abou..."
"Lilith was the one too stupid to appreciate my dick, and then she ruined everything for everyone by giving Eve that stupid apple and making her question things, like 'equality' and 'rights' and washing your hands after using the bathroom-!"
"Aren't those perfectly normal? Wait, you were eating those ribs with your hands... then I... ohhh boy."
"And I'm not sexist! Women just betray me because of their stupid cunts!" That was the only reason. It had to be! "I love women! Just like the old saying! жeHщиa - дpyr цeпOBeka."
"... A woman is a man's best friend?" The bastard tilted his head.
"Huh?" The princess questioned.
"He traveled to Russia when he was nine. That's only one of the many languages he's learned." Emily hugged the little brat.
"It's from an old Soviet play back in the 50s, or whatever, and the joke is that dogs are a man's best friend, and if you have a female dog, then your best friend is a bitch, and when you say that out loud-"
"… This explains everything." The princess moaned.
Vaggie groaned. "For once, I'm actually hoping I can use the boy... at least he'd be USEABLE!" She shouted to the people around her. With Charlie gone and Alastor making them look more like fucking jokes, Vaggie took it upon herself to make another commercial, one that would hopefully drown out the last one… and immediately she realized it was a mistake.
"What are you on about Vagina? I'm a five-star actor." Angel Dust smirked. "Every line read and devoured in its entirety... which is more than I can say for Husk over here."
"I'm not a fucking actor, you expect me to actually commit this shit to memory?" The bartender glared.
"You will if you want your booze bottles to stay intact." Vaggie threatened.
"Whatever. Alastor will just make the kid get more when he gets back."
… Remember Vaggie, Charlie needed this hotel to be successful. You can't kill them, no matter HOW MUCH they deserve it. "If you need another actor, you could use me," Nifty spoke up with a grin.
"You sure?" On one hand, she was trying to be helpful. On the other, she was Nifty. On the other hand, Vaggie was desperate to make progress. "You're not going to get stage fright?"
"I don't get stage fright." They grinned. "I make stages all the time. Like my weekend cockroach puppet shows."
"They are quite delightful little performances." Alastor grinned.
"... Fine then." She sighed. "I want you to say the line 'we have the cleanest beds,' can you do that?"
"Will do!" Nifty saluted.
"Good..." She lifted up the camera... the shoddy one Alastor made... and clicked record. "And… go Nifty!"
The one-eyed demon Imndientemy stared into the camera with that dead-eyed look that was both frozen with terror and memorized with intensity, silently unmoving. "… Is she going to suck out my soul?" Angel Dust asked with legitimate concern.
"... Nifty?" Vaggie asked, getting no response. After a second, she stopped recording and lowered the camera.
"So, how did I do?" The woman asked, acting as if the last few seconds didn't happen.
"You did great..." Vaggie winced. "Except you know... you need to say your lines out loud."
"Ooooh, is that how it's supposed to work?" How the fuck did she think it worked before!?
"Let's just try it again." Just get this one line in, and she could at least tell Charlie she had one-tenth of a new commercial ready. "Annnnd go."
Nifty once more returned to blankly staring at the camera, not even twitching or making any sounds to suggest she was breathing. "... Is this a bug thing?" Angel Dust asked. "Like, this seems like a genuine medical condition."
"I think the little darling is doing quite marvelously if I say so myself!" Alastor grinned. "She's perfectly representing the mindless masses whenever they stare at these headache-inducing mindless provlities!"
Vaggie growled as she cut off the camera. "Awesome! Filming is so much fun!" Nifty shouted.
"Bravo Nifty! Wonderful preference! Five stars all around!"
"It disturbs me how much they get along." Angel shivered.
"Tell me about it." Husk took a swing.
"It's fine, it's fine! I'll just… fix it in post..."
"You don't know what that even means, Vagina." The porn star cackled.
"I can figure it out!" She shouted.
"Oh, please take your time, take your time..." Alastor grinned. "I'm sure Charlie won't mind coming back to a miserable failure, given it's all she ever likes to surround herself with
"Oh fuck off!" She flipped him off. "At least I'm trying to help this hotel!"
"What do you ever mean? I'm helping us right now!" He turned on the radio. "Now all of Hell can listen to how hard your dear girlfriend wants to help us departed sinners."
"-The problem is that THEIR version is a 'dog is a person's best friend' because they're trying to be all-inclusive, so it ruins the joke at the end of the thing when you try translating it. And that's why communism sucks." Adam's voice explained one of his obnoxious rants.
"I feel like there's more reasons why..." Charlie said with a nervous tone.
"Why did we spend a whole hour listening to this?" Iruma asked, confused. "I feel like we completely missed the original point."
"Anyways, the main point is women suck and don't know what the fuck they're saying."
"... But thinking that is exactly what sexists say."
"GAAA! Let me start from the fucking beginning!"
"See, now all of Hell knows what angels like talking about." The talk show host grinned.
"So angels are all horny dicks?" Angel Dust snickered. "Maybe I ain't too far off from one after all."
"Adam!" The voice of Emily (what the fuck was she doing in Hell!?) shouted. "You're derailing, and we're running out of time as is."
"Hey babe, last I checked, I tried opening a conversation about stopping the imps killing humans YOU complained about, and THAT got derailed."
"Oh, so they are doing something about that." Husk groaned. "That ain't gonna be pretty."
"But very entertaining, at least." Alastor grinned. "I might give the little rats half a week of custody, depending on the result."
"Ugh..." The young Seraphim groaned as it sounded like she was slapping her face. "Now that everyone's here, can we start the process of breaking the contracts? Charlie, I tried searching Heaven for an answer, but given the limited information, I don't know how to break a contract."
"Well… neither do I, sadly." The princess admitted. Of course, that's how it-
"Don't worry, we can do it real easily," Adam responded.
"Wait, what?" Vaggie stated
"Craazy dick say what?" Angel Dust looked baffled.
"The fuck?" Husk blinked.
"Oooh, new thing!" Nifty cheered.
Alastor blinked, his smile becoming almost confused. "... You know, I'm not going to pull the boy back."
"… I repeat, the fuck?" Husk looked at the bottle he was drinking. "How expired is this shit for me to hear nonsense like that?
"Call it a gut feeling… I'm about to be very entertained." His smirk sharpened. And Vaggie's bad feeling just got a hundred times worse.
Iruma stood in silence at the words he was hearing. He had heard many impossible things over the past few months, the least of all being that Hell and Heaven existed to begin with. "You can... break the contracts?" He didn't think it was possible. He thought he was just stuck forever with Alastor... he had let go of any hope of that part of his to get better.
"You... you really can?" Emily was even more stunned, tears falling down her eyes like a leaky faucet
"Yeah. It's not the first time we've been down here. The first man knows many things." Adam smirked. "Some elbow grease and time is all I'm gonna need."
"That's… That's amazing!" Charlie called out in excitement. "Like wow… wow, I can't actually believe it..."
"Imagine how I feel." Iruma still couldn't fully believe it... but his stomach... felt lighter. Tingly... Was this what it was like to have butterflies in your stomach… the metaphorical ones and not the real ones he had to eat for protein in the woods? "So… this can happen?"
"Yeah... it can." The angel lady who stood next to Adam nodded, looking over at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Adam… this... thank you, thank you, thank you!" Emily flew in delighted glee as she picked Iruma up, kissing him on the face. "It's finally going to be over. The nightmares are finally going to be over!
"Yeah… nightmares..." He had plenty of bad times in Hell… but Octavia's love... Husk's sympathy... Charlie's kindness, Millie's suffocating affection, and Moxxie's gentle understanding… He'd be leaving it… leaving it all behind. The first real signs of love he truly felt were from other people.
Did... did he even... "Gonna need you to leave though, Em." Adam snapped him out of those thoughts. "This is gonna be a long and unpleasant experience. I do NOT need the bitch tears and overprotective mom energy."
"Oh… Okay..." Emily sighed, placing him down. "What if I promise to be really quiet, and-"
"If he screams as I rip open his soul to work on it, you're not gonna punch me in the face to stop it?" The guy questioned.
"I. I guess that makes sense." Emily sighed.
"Don't worry... he's still a resident at my hotel, under my protection." Charlie gave a reassuring nod. "I'll make sure nothing terrible happens."
"Um... when you say a long time..." Emily asked.
"It's a complicated process, especially with so many contracts at once. But don't worry, Em." That guy smirked a toothy grin... Iruma didn't want to say anything, but the guy felt more like a demon than a lot of the demons he's met in Hell... if he didn't know better, Adam felt more like a sinner than an angel if they were comparing him and Emily. "In six months, all our troubles will be over, and you'll never worry about this again."
"I. I understand… " Emily looked at him lovingly, rubbing his face. "I guess I should get going home now…"
"It was... nice seeing you, Emily." He offered her a smile. "I'm… glad you're still looking out for me."
"Iruma..." She smiled, gently planting a kiss on his forehead. "I always will... and Charlie." She turned to the woman. "Take good care of him, please."
"I swear on my life." Charlie nodded as she wiped a tear. "It's... it's so wholesome…"
"Thank you..." A portal was opened up. "And don't worry, I'll talk to Sera about the hotel... but be aware it maaay not gain much traction. I kind of pushed all my goodwill points with this meeting as it is." She chuckled.
"I stretched every connection I had to get this one… Your support means the world to me, Emily." Charlie nodded
"Yeah..." Emily looked at him one last time. "I... I love you Iruma." And she headed into the portal.
"I… " She... she was the first person to ever give him any love… she gave him warmth on those lonely nights. "I love-" the portal closed before he could finish.
"...Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Charlie cried as she hugged him, getting on her knees. "It's sooo beautiful!!!!!!!"
"It... it is..." Maybe... maybe one day he'll get a chance to say it to her… Iruma then turned to Adam. "So, how do we start-"
Fwosh
There was no wind, no sound, not even feeling. One second, Adam was in his chair, and with a burst of light, his fist was in Iruma's stomach... and then the pain set in.
BOOM
He was launched into a wall, a burning, and bruised sensation inside of his ribs as he tried to gasp enough air to even scream. "Iruma!!!" Charlie ran to him, her horns growing as she stared at Adam in appalled fury. "Why did you do that!?"
"I have been waiting SO LONG to do that to you, you fucking brat!" Adam shouted. "Eating my ribs, talking me down, messing up Em's head, and killing a FUCKIN GIRL of mine!? The ONLY reason I didn't kill you on the spot is because there's a seraphim you made downright delusional out of the others wanting your head on a FUCKIN PLATTER!"
"You have no right-"
"We have EVERY right." The scary angel lady spoke. "An angel was confirmed dead, and the boy not only laid claim to the kill, he proved he had the ability to draw blood from an exorcist. The head seraphim said on proof of guilt, he is treated as nothing more than the lowesome sinner he is."
"What!?" Charlie shouted. "You can't kill a living person!"
"We're not!" Adam grinned. "We're killing a sin-bound soul doomed for Hell!"
"What about Emily-"
"What Em doesn't know won't hurt me." Adam snickered.
Didn't know... didn't know. "Emil... doesn't ... know... extermination…" Iruma managed to gasp out.
"Not everyone in Heaven does... just enough to justify it." The bastard chuckled.
"You… you're lying to them-!" Charlie looked like she was about to rip off their heads.
"Let me stop you right there. Save us all precious time." He waved his hand. "If what you're suggesting is letting him climb!" He stood on the table and pointed at Iruma. "Up the ladder. Oh, you want him to cross the Pearly Gate!?" Adam laughed...that monster laughed
"You!"
"Sorry, sweetie, but there's no defyin' his fate!" He grabbed Charlie and shoved her across the room, even as she was lit on fire. "'Cause Hell is forever whether you like it or not! Had their chance to behave better. Now they boil in the pot!" Iruma fell into a boiling pot of flesh and misery.
"Can't... breathe..." Iruma gasped as he tried to spit the mush out.
"'Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in tryin' to fight it!" Adam shouted as the world became monochrome for a moment before the image of a million souls crying out in misery was shown. "They're burnin' for their lives until we kill 'em again!"
"Gaaah!" Iruma couldn't do anything but clutch his ribs. This… this bastard was even worse than Alastor! At least he tried to act somewhat nice to the people around him!
"Just try to chillax, babe. You're wasting your breath." He told Charlie, pushing her into a chair. "Did I hear you imply that they don't deserve death?" The first man laughed loudly like it was a joke. "Are they Winners? Are they Sinners? 'Cause it's cut and dry..."
"You... call them winners…?" Iruma glared in confusion.
"And you clearly lost." The angel lady glared.
"Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! And when all's said and done." Adam started floating on clouds as he started walking down there like he was above all of them.
"Said and done," spoke a choir of angels that showed up in the room.
"There's the question of fun."
"Fun."
"And for those of us with Divine Ordainment!" Adam cackled as he got close to them. "Extermination is entertainment!" He started making guitar noises as he played on the air, with the angel lady joining in. "Guitar solo, fuck yeah!"
"Not for fear... not for population... It's just a hobby for you!?" Iruma shouted. "That's why you kill sinners!?" They... demons did not deserve that kind of cruelty... and these bastards reveled in it.
"YOU SICK FUCKS!" Charlie shouted in rage.
"Hell is forever, whether you like it or not!" All of the angels clapped as they marched to them. "Had their chance to behave better, now they boil in the pot."
"Where the heck are these people coming from...?" Iruma questioned as they were surrounded.
"'Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in tryin' to fight it. They're burnin' for their lives until we kill 'em again!" The angels all cackled.
They killed just for the heck of it… and Emily was stuck living with these monsters and didn't even know it.
"Fuckin' Hell is forever!" The bastard pulled out an overblown golden guitar, playing it loud enough to shake the entire room. "And it's meant to suck a lot!" He flew down closer, smirking in Charlie's face. "So give up your dumb endeavor 'cause you don't have a shot!"
"Grrrr..." Hellfire began emanating from the princess as Iruma prepared for a clash. He had very little reason to assume Charlie would win. She was strong enough to talk back to Alastor... but Adam's punch... it was like his very soul left his body just for a quick second, only for it to violently come crashing back down into his guts.
"Long as I've got your attention, I guess I should probably mention…" The first man cleaned out his ears as he pulled out a golden piece of paper that spelled out, 'fuck you, I do what I want.' "That we made the determination...To move up the next Extermination!"
"WHAT!?" He and Charlie screamed. They were…
"Can't wait a whole year to slaughter you, little cunts!" Adam grabbed onto Iruma's left arm, burning it with energy as he viciously smirked. "I know it's just been a week, but we'll be back in six months!!" He screamed, throwing the boy through the door out into the lobby.
"Iruma!" Charlie ran after him. "Are you-" The doors started to close. "Wait, don't-" And slammed shut, leaving them out. "Shit! Fuck fuck fuckin shit!" She slammed the door. "I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have come here, 'I shouldn't have brought…" She ran back to him. "Iruma, I'm sorry! I should've left you at home. I didn't mean to..." Charlie got on her knees and cradled him. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry..."
"… She didn't... know…" Iruma gasped, the broken bones in his ribs settling in. Emily… Emily was a pure soul angel… a genuinely good person who looked after him for whatever reason… She… she really did love him.
"Iruma." She shook him. "We can get you to a hospital and-"
"She cares... and it hurts..." He cried. "It hurts that she cares..." Iruma held onto Charlie tightly. "It hurts so much... why does it hurt that that she cares…"
'You never had to do anything for my love, Iruma, and you never will… true love… romantic, platonic, familial… it's always unconditional… don't ever doubt anything less.'
He doubted… even after all she's done for him, he still doubted… and now he was going to die in six months without ever telling her 'I love you.' "I'm an idiot..." He cried. The pain in his head was worse than his stomach or arm. "I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot."
"Ssssh..." Charlie rubbed his head as she picked him up. "It's… It'll be fine… I won't let them hurt… ever."
"I-"
"Ever," Charlie reassured him as they marched out of the building.
"… Alright." He didn't believe Emily, and look where that went... He would believe in Charlie... He… he would have hope in her.
Husk watched as the two of them trudged in. "Got your usual kid." He slid over a bottle. "Distilled enough to take out the pain while not knocking you on your ass." Took a while to figure out something weak enough when sinners usually needed it strong.
"How'd you... No, don't tell me..." The princess groaned.
"Yeah. Maybe bringing the kid that leaks any and all juicy details wasn't your best idea, toots." The faker Angel Dust snickered with sarcasm. "The strawberry pimp's been laughing ever since you two left."
"So all of Hell now knows how much of a failure this is... Oh, the chaos is delightful!" Alastor cackled. "I can hear the screams of depression as we speak. Truly, this hotel was a GRAND investment! What a spectacular performance! Bravo! Bravo indeed!"
"Fuck off, Alastor." Charlie glared as she set the kid down. "You doing alright, Iruma? Your breathing getting better?"
"I've been through... worse..."
"Really?" Vaggie asked.
"… No, but trying... to pretend I have... helps…" He sighed, looking at a burnt handmark on his arm. "Honestly, the pain's barely noticeable these days..."
"Heya chomper." Nifty smiled as she wheeled in a cart. "Al liked your broadcast enough that he let me cook you a get better dinner. Eat all you want."
"… Is it the meat you get from cannibal town?" Iruma asked the overlord.
"About half of it." He shrugged.
"Than I guess I'll only feel… half guilty if I don't know which half it is..." The kid sighed as the food was uncovered. "Smells good at least."
"Are you going to be okay, Charlie?" The one-eyed gray woman asked. "I'm… sorry you had to see all that up close." Weird that she seemed so guilty about it. "I should've come with you..."
"It's fine, Vaggie... I know there are good angels out there, like Emily." The princess sighed with a groan. "I just... won't back down."
"Really?" The spider bastard glared. "After the first dick himself literally sang about how much he loves killing every motherfucker down here and turned the brat's insides into paste? You're that delusional?"
"Since when is having hope delusional?" Charlie glared back. "I've known my dream would be difficult since the beginning... and I've spent too much time in despair over it already."
"You could always take advice from young Suzuki," Al spoke up. "Even before I got him, he learned that both hope and despair are useless emotions that don't help you survive in the slightest."
"True." The boy nodded. "... But... having a little hope is nice, I guess…" Husk would've had a say about it, but given the kid's beaten-up state, now didn't feel like the time for a lesson in realistic expectations.
"Welp, I'm going to tuck myself in before my good mood is ruined." The radio freak chuckled, vanishing into shadows. "Goodnight, everyone."
"... So that happened…" Vaggie sighed. "And we don't have a commercial either..."
"Honestly, by this point, it wouldn't even matter." Husk groaned. "Hell's going to shit even more than usual over what the broadcast just announced. Ain't no one going to listen to what any tv screen tells them about goodwill and crap."
"Yeah..." The kid nodded as he finished eating. "... Our time is cut in half... six months."
"Aww, why are you scared, Chomper?" Nifty asked. "You already bit off an angel, right?"
"Come on, Nifty, there's no way that's even possible." Charlie waved off. "If an angel was capable of dying, then that would've sparked an all-out war in Hell a LONG time ago."
"Then why's the first dick so dead set on killing everyone in six months then?" Angel Dust countered. "Not to mention the whole 'confirmed body' thing... unless your depressed daddy decided to go nuts."
"You heard what Adam was like. He's a chauvinistic dick that does whatever he wants." Vaggie rolled her eye.
"I'd really like to meet a bad boy like that." Nifty giggled. "All the blood I can spill out of his chest as he cries out for agony while forcing me to serve his every whim..."
"... Does she want to date bad boys or kill them… I cannot tell the difference." The kid stared, as did the rest of them, in disbelief and worry.
"Neither can I kid, neither can I." Husk groaned as he patted him on the head.