Nifty hummed to herself as she scrubbed and scrubbed at the carpet. "One day I'll see what color you are under all the grime and blood…" She giggled to herself as she scrubbed and scrubbed.
"Sssssssshe's been rubbing that ssssaaame ssssssspot for the passssst sssssseven hourssss." The fake bad boy muttered as the night began to set in hell. "Are we sssssure shhhe's ssssane?"
"Who's actually sane in this crappy hotel?" Angel Dust rolled his eyes. Everyone always called the spider a guy and she still couldn't see it. Way too frilly and they had really big tits. "Everyone's got their own little deranged bits. For starters, princessa thinks this hotel is actually going to work after being rejected by both heaven and hell alike…"
"Not rejected, just heavily discouraged!" Charlie shouted in denial. Nifty personally didn't have a preference on if she believed in redemption or not. Either they all get sent up in heaven for fun, or they'd stay down to be friends forever. Although hell had more bad boys, but then again, that Adam guy was particularly a very bad boy.
"Vagina has a temper as thick as a brick and patience as thin as paper."
"'No, I just hate you." Vaggie rolled her eyes.
"You, snakey, think everyone's trying to murder you."
"You carried a gun into my room the insssstant you had an excusssse!"
"Wait, I thought we confiscated all weapons?" Charlie asked.
"You'd be surprised what you can make with a couple of bolts." The chandelier fell onto the ground.
"Aw man, it didn't hit anybody." Nifty pouted. "Someone lift it up so it can make someone go splat!"
"Aren't you trying to clean the hotel?" Husk asked.
"It's extra fun to clean friends off the pavement." Nifty gleamed.
"... So what the fuck is 'my' damage?" And Husk went right back to ignoring her. Their fun little routine.
"You don't wanna take me up on a night in bed together, whiskers." Angel flirted, showing off those fluffy boobies. "Only someone out of their mind would deny the free opportunity. But don't worry, baby. I ain't given up on you~" Husk responded by slapping his wings against Angel's face. "Ooh, trying to find my tickle spot? I'm more than happy to give directions-"
"And you don't know how to stop being horny." Vaggie rolled her eyes.
"It's a curse, nothin' but a cross I'm willing to bear." He chuckled. "Way better than any of the shit going on in the brat's head. Can't even cross the street without someone holding his hand due to his dumbassery."
"Or he'll bite it off." Nifty giggled. The last few days showed off another side to the kid that made her feel all tingly on the inside. "Is anyone else liking the new bad boy side Iruma has? Cause I want me some of those teeth in my spine." She liked the boy before, but he was way too spineless… but killing an angel and taking a bite out of Al… ooof, the things she wanted to tear out of him.
"I'm sure it's just a… temporary phase he'll go through until we figure out how to undo what Bee did to him." Charlie chuckled nervously as she paced back and forth. "I'm sure she means well…"
"Yeah, the sin that got him drunk under false pretenses totally meant well." Husk groaned. "Least I only ever give what the kid can handle."
"… But whatever she's planning involves keeping Iruma in hell, which is not ideal in the slightest." Charlie sighed.
"Ah yes." Alastor chuckled. "Getting the boy that loves hell out of it. Quite the ingenious plan, dear Charlotte."
"He only likes it because of the few actual nice people that live here. 'Nice' being used very subjectively." Vaggie pointed out. "And I wouldn't talk like that if I were you, or are you still using that speaker of yours as a walking cane?"
"Oh nothing I can't handle. You all act like it's the first time someone tried to murder me."
"It's the first time I've seen someone bite and stab you." Nifty giggled. "Such pretty blood, oh it made me akai funsui no nagare o mite tobihanete yorokobu."
The room, except for Alastor, stared at the girl with weird faces. "You speak Japanese?" Vaggie asked.
"Well doi, anyone who has a Japanese mom would speak Japanese, right?"
"…. You're Japanese?" Angel Dust asked, turning to Husk. "Did you know that before?"
"She never told me."
"He never asked." Nifty shrugged. "And we all become cool and scary demons when we die, so it's not like it matters." She said. "Heck, thanks to hell magic we all speak the same language at all times."
"You'd be surprised at how interesting Russians are when you can understand them." Alastor snickered. "Or the howling of Germans when their souls are ripped seam by seam. That Adolf fellow was particularly articulate with his euphemisms."
"…. Seriously, Charlie. We get the kid's girlfriend, get a few more angelic weapons, and we end this right here and now." Vaggie waved to the boss.
"I am not going to let him push me or anyone else to that point, otherwise he'll just get the last laugh." The princess glared at Alastor. "This is the Happy—"
"Hazbin."
"Hotel! Where we teach good values such as turning the other cheek, avoiding temptation, and peace between each other!"
"Really? Cause I thought it was the place where we get free rooms and barely avoid killing each other." Angel snickered.
"Ssssstill the besssst deal anyone in hell'sssss given me ssso far." Pentious nodded.
"For the deprived, lonely, and desperate and despised, it's the perfect place to be!" Alastor cackled. "Speaking of which, I should drag Young Suzuki out of bed and send him on a midnight shopping trip to Wrath. I am feeling a bit peckish for hellhog."
"Alastor, give him sleep." Charlie growled. "I don't even want to comprehend what the heck this is doing for his appetite, he needs his energy."
"Just give the bitch boy a bone to chew on, he'll be fine and give some random tidbit about bone marrow or something." Angel Dust rolled his eyes. "Heck, you could give him a dirty rag to eat and he'd still smile."
Nifty blinked at something on the stairs. "You could wake him up now. He's coming right to us."
"He's what?" Charlie turned to Iruma, who was still in his pjs… and was walking with his eyes closed. "Is he sleep walking?"
"Huh, that's new." Husk muttered. "Guess all the recent events fucked him over more than we thought."
"Should we… stop him?" Vaggie questioned.
"You sssshould never wake a sssleep walker, it'ssss very dangerousssss."
Angel Dust snorted as he walked over to the boy. "I'll take that risk. Yo kid, wake the fuck up." He raised a hand to slam it into his head…
Chomp
Iruma had eaten Angel Dust's third arm, slurping it up like a bloody noodle. "WHAT THE FUCK-!?" And then Iruma jumped on the guy, making multiple mouths as he began chowing down. "GET HIM THE FUCK OFF ME!"
"OH FUCK!" Charlie screamed in horror.
"Pfffffthahahahahahahahaaaha! Oh this is delightful, just wonderfully delightful. Sleep cannibalism, I can't wait to tell the boy about this in the morning!"
"Alastor, get off your ass and help!" Vaggie shouted as she tried pulling Iruma off to little success.
"Is that permission to beat up the boy?"
"Just get this little bastard off of me!" Angel shouted as he tired piling out of the biting.
"I'll take that as a yes!" With a snap of his fingers, Alastor made a chain that went into the… vents? And pulled, yanking Iruma off of Angel Dust and into said vents, where the sound of thrashing and banging was heard ringing through different sections of the hotel. "Just gonna tucker out that energy for the moment."
"Angel, thank god, are you oka—"
"Of COURSE I'm not FUCKING okay!" The spider shouted back in rage as his bottom two limbs were bleeding out. "That little cunt just ripped off my arms!"
"Relax, they're just the bottom ones." Husk shrugged.
"I tried to warn you, never wake a ssssleep walker." Pentious nodded.
"Oh no fucking shit!!! Get me a drink!" Angel Dust yelled as he slammed on the bar counter.
"It's not his fault, he's not in control of his actions." Charlie spoke up.
"Since when the fuck does not being in control equate to RIPPING OFF LIMBS!?" The spider screamed.
"He got injected by Beelzebub with ... something…" Vaggie thought it over. "She's the queen of Gluttony AND hellhounds... whatever shit she put into him must be making him act feral unconsciously."
"Weird." Nifty noted. "If he's a dog he should have tried to eat Husk before Angel. Think it's the bird in him?"
"Or maybe the boy just hates the spider, equally plausible." Alastor cackled.
"Okay Alastor." Charlie sighed. "I think it's calm enough now. Bring him back and we can try restraining him."
"Oh I already have been. I put the chain through every ventilation shaft in the hotel to bang him against them. Should be coming out right abouuuut … now." With a final tug, Iruma was sent flying out of the entrance and into a wall, covered in bruises. "Bad dog. Now calm yourself and…" the chains start tugging towards Iruma. "Even unconsciously you try to fight back. How very amusing—"
Fling
Alastor was flung forward towards Iruma as the kid, within a blink of an eye, thrusted his arm forward.. and devoured Alastor's right shoulder. "Gasaaaah-fuck!"
"Since when can people under contracts do that!?" Angel shouted in shock.
"They can't." Husk said bluntly. "Either Al got too cocky for his own good, or we're all thoroughly fucked until Charlie balls up to run his skull through a few steel walls."
"Oooh, someone's a bad boy in need of a spanking." Nifty giggled, pulling out her fly swatter. Either this worked and she kicked his ass for funsies, or he ripped her apart limb by limb… WIN-WIN! "Break me, break me!" The doggie leaped toward her. "Yay!"
"Niffffty, watch out!" Sir Pentious cried out as he pushed her out of the way as his tail got caught in the boy's mouth. "Aggggh!"
"Oooh come on!" She wanted the pain! "No fair, why do you get to have it!?"
"Trussssst me-ahhh, I wissssh I didn't!" The fake bad boy screamed. "He'sss sssslurping me whole!"
"Kid, seriously, just wake up already!" Vaggie jumped on the kid's back and tried to pull him away, hitting him in the back of the head to make cough up Pentious. "There, now calm the fuck down—" the doggie proceeded to slam Vaggie into a wall. "Oh you gotta be fucking-" He then tried to take a bite out of her.
Crunch
… Only for the boy to immediately pull back, somehow wincing in confusion. "Wow, someone's been taking their creatinine." Angel blinked with an impressed nod.
"Ah… yeah…" Vaggie shook her head weirdly as Iruma's head was down. "He's down for the moment, somebody keep him that way!"
"It seems someone … needs a proper lesson in RESPECT!" Alastor went big and scary, punching Iruma over and over with shadowy arms as he cackled.
"Alastor, no! Stop it!" Charlie lit up in flames as she pushed the boss back, before hugging Iruma.
"Charlie, wait, he's still feral!" Vaggie shouted.
"And he needs someone to help him!" Charlie hugged the boy harder, shushing him. "I got you Iruma, you don't have to fight… I got you… I got you…"
And the boy tried to take a bite … but stopped, their body shivering in an almost terror as the kid tried to escape.
"… What's going on now?" Angel Dust questioned apprehensively.
"His danger sense said his teeth would break before her." Nifty nodded. "That or he met an alpha he can't challenge."
"Sssssssssh… It's okay Iruma... you don't have anything to be afraid of here." Charlie rubbed the bad boy's head as the fur got more fluffy looking. "You're safe here, you're protected here, and you're loved here." Sounds of whimpering were heard as the breathing got more steady. "There… he's calm again. It's over now."
"… Sssso… Are we sssafe?" Pentious asked.
"For now." Alastor spoke. "At least until the next time he goes on a rampage."
"Alastor, stop putting stuff in their heads." Charlie chastised. "This was just a one time thing."
Sir Pentious groaned as he slammed his head into the table. "Fivvve …. Daysssss … the human body can only sssssurvive fivvvve dayssss …. wittttthout sssssleep."
"Does that apply when you're a demon?" The unwilling source of all their problems asked, getting glares from most of the hotel staff and patrons on him. "Sorry... just... trying to be helpful."
"You could be helpful by being ten miles away!" Angel Dust shouted.
"Okay." Iruma began walking away.
"Angel!" Charlie shouted as she held the boy by the collar of his shirt.
"He always eats me first! I have right to say it more than anybody!" He screamed. "Be I locked in my room, on a roof, or in the cellar! He ate through a steel door to rip my head off!"
"Well we're not going to just leave him out on his own either!" Charlie shouted, cracking the table as she slammed her fist on it. She looked at him apologetically. "So sorry, Iruma. it's just been.. a bit stressful."
"That's putting it fucking mildly." Husk grimaced as he fell on the floor. "No offense kid, but I'd run you over with a truck if it let me sleep for at least five minutes."
"None taken. I get it." The boy groaned and slammed his head on the counter. "I'm hurting everyone in my sleep… sleep is supposed to be the safest time of one's life… it's one of my favorite things to do.. .. why.. why Bee.. why did you do this to me?"
"This is completely beautiful." Alastor smiled as he sat on his chair. "I don't even care that you ate my shoulder five times in five nights, I call it completely worth it for your misery! Hope you enjoy the after taste!"
"You taste like loneliness and narcissism." Iruma glared
"Someone's been reading their word of the day calendar."
"Carmine thought it would be helpful." Iruma groaned. "I could go stay with Millie and Moxxie if you want." He suggested it to the group. "It's almost the weekend anyway…"
"I don't think that would be good either." Vaggie groaned, wrapping her head with bandages. "So far we've been able to keep you in the hotel. And as sinners we can survive the type of bullshit you throw at us. Imps and other demons like them..."
"… Right.. if they die… they don't come back." Iruma sighed, before slapping his face. "Alright, then it's clear the only thing I can do is never sleep again."
"Oooh, I can give you some tips." Nifty smiled. "First, stop blinking. Second, always have something on your mind. Third?" She leapt forward. "BITE ME ALREADY! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO NEVER GOT THEIR TURN!"
"Ah…" Iruma blinked as the freaky woman got closer.
"The majority of sssssscars we've recccceived were mosssssssstly getting her out of your way…" Pentious groaned as his tail was still growing back.
"I can take it! He's finally the first proper bad boy in this hotel and mama wants her turn!" The psycho shouted. "Can you imagine me crawling around your insides after eating me bit by bit?"
"…. What kind of nightmare are you living?" Angel Dust shook his head as he stepped back.
"Iruma, we're not going to sleep deprive you just for our sake." Charlie rubbed the boy's head. "This affects all of us, and when one of us is down, then it's up to all of us to come together and solve the issue!"
"The best way to solve this is to send him into a volcano far away from us." Angel Dust grumbled.
"So Wrath… they do deal with a lot of animals…"
"We're not solving this with fire and or magma." Nifty raised her hand. "We're not solving it with hellfire either, Nifty." Charlie glared.
"Aww …"
"Well then Ms. Charlotte, what do you suggest?" Alastor questioned. "Unless you or me keep him down, the young boy will tear through steel doors to eat people alive whenever he closes his eyes."
The princess tapped her chin concerningly, before snapping her fingers. "We stop making him eat people… by making him full before he goes to bed!"
"…. You're joking right?" Husk glared. "The kid's a walking black hole."
"Yeah … I've never felt full in my life." Iruma nodded.
"Never?" Vaggie questioned.
"Nope. Hell's the closest I've ever come to being less hungry than normal." He shrugged. "It might have something to do with the time I was five months old and my parents sent me down the Amazon river for five days and I was living off of nothing but the humidity in the air and the algae that fell on my face." The child gave a horrifying answer. "Ever since then I applied mind over body to make sure I could survive off of one meal a week, and eat whatever I can whenever I can."
"…. it'sss going to be alright.." Pentious reassured as he and Charlie surrounded the boy with hugs and love.
"If you're hungry, I'm a meal." Nifty giggled. Everyone decided to ignore that for their own sanity.
"So I guess we're chaining the brat to the princessa's bed as a cuddle toy?" Angel asked.
"I mean… not the worst idea." Charlie nodded. "But it is Vaggie's and I's room, and it's not a practical long term solution."
"What about his girlfriend?" Husk offered. "If he calms down in your arms, hers is a no brainer."
"I'd… rather not risk Octavia's life if I'm not sure if I'll bite her in my sleep." Iruma noted. "If only I could just cage myself to a bed."
Pentious' eyes widened with inspiration. "Thhheeeeen it'ssss a good thhhing you have a geniussssss amongsssst you!" He cackled.
"We do? Where could they ever be?" Angel Dust questioned. "Maybe Vaggie's hiding a brain under all the blatant 'I want you so dead' looks she gives everyone."
"Moccck all you want, but you'llll be praissssing my innnnocztiiiiioooon when we're able to actually sssssssllleeeeeep tonight!" He grinned madly. "I'll invent the mosssssst sssssspectular and sensssssstional cage all of hell'sssssssss ever sssssssseeeen!"
"And what's gonna make it different from your other contraptions?" Husk asked with a raised brow. "The ones that break like paper?"
"One, they only break like paper because Alassssssstor is the one breaking them."
"Not untrue."
"So your plan to keep the brat that eats and tears up Alastor down is to use machines that break by Al?" Angel snickered. "Sounds foolproof. Not at all the work of sleep deprivation."
"I haven't gotten to my ssssssecond point yet!" Pentious accused. "They'll be craffffted from angelic sssteel! I have plenty I'vvvve kept in sssssstorage for a rainy day!"
"Do you have enough?" Suzuki asked. "Carmine says we usually don't have enough to just waste it willy nilly."
"Child, I've been in hell for a long time, I'd know how to ssssssstock up."
Vaggie watched as the boy was covered in ropes, chains, and locked within a cage. "A good tttthing about blesssssed rope. It'sssss capable of blocking of demonic abilitiesssssss." Pentious said. "No ssssstretchy growing bullssssshit."
"I would question why you have so much holy weaponry stalked up but I'll refrain since you're actually helping." Seriously, were exorcists really this lazy to leave behind even this much over the years? How many did Vaggie leave behind?
"So… this is it?" Husk asked. "He's absolutely locked up and we can all head to sleep?"
"I made thisssss cage with Alassssstor himself in design. Without the key, there issssss no esssscape!" Pentious cackled. "... Sssssso do I keep it or hand it over to Msssss. Charlie?"
"I'll keep watch over him." Charlie sighed as she grabbed the key. "This is still my hotel, and he's my responsibility. Are you comfortable, Iruma?"
"Yeah, not the first time I've had to sleep in a cage chained up." Iruma nodded.
"…. Do we want to know the context?" Vaggie groaned.
"I worked at a circus." Iruma nodded. "I was the kid the snake ate for the man eating snake act."
Everyone took a glance at Pentious. "Oh, the ssssnake man getssss all the ssssnake sssstereotypesssss." He glared. "Do remember I'm doing thisssss after his unconciousssssssss body attempted to consssssssssume me."
"Besides, the pillow is really nice, and fluffy, and-" And then the kid conked out.
"Pretty sure his birdie girl wishes she could enjoy the show now." Angel Dust cackled. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to get the first bit of safe sleep I've had all week, in a door that won't get broken this time."
"And I'll be in my radio tower waiting for this to inevitably go wrong somehow." Alastor cackled as he slipped out through the shadows.
"You know if this works, we can try to use all this metal to lock him in that radio tower." Vaggie put it out there. "No killing… just solitary confinement."
"Mommy locked me in a closet for five days once and I turned out completely fine!" Nifty cheered. "That's how I met all the voices in my head."
"... Do we want to touch that?" She asked, getting multiple shakes of the head.
"I'm gonna go pass out now." Husk groaned. "For once it won't be due to booze."
"Fare thee well, madamesssss…" Sir Pentious bowed as he slithered away.
"It is getting pretty late." Charlie noted, turning to her. "You should probably head in too."
"Not a chance, hun." Vaggie shook her head. "It's our hotel. We do this together. And it's my job to protect you." Plus she couldn't get hurt by the kid due to her being an angel… which lended less credibility to the 'angel slayer' rumor.
"Okay…" Charlie pulled her into the room, locking the door as the two of them took a seat next to the cage. They placed their arms around each other, simply watching Iruma snooze lightly, without any care in the world. "... Hey Vaggie?"
"Yes Charlie?"
"... Have you ever thought about kids?"
Vaggie blushed red as she tried to hide her expression under her hair. "It's... ah... never been a strong thought in my mind…." She chuckled. "Since... you know... you're my first… you know..."
"Right ... I forgot how recent you are to hell." Because up until three years ago, she was an angel that killed demons. "And I know we agreed to not get married so we'd have a better chance of staying together…" Right … because Charlie's definition of sin included premarital sex … given that despite what Angel Dust said, it WAS really good. "... But taking care of Iruma, watching him smile despite everything …"
"I mean, watching over everyone here is already like taking care of kids by itself." Unruly, undisciplined, and self destructive kids.
"I know, but... Iruma actually is one." She petted the boy's head from the cage. "Everytime I look at him take joy in life... I'm seeing a younger me looking up at my mom… I can feel how she felt when she inspired me to take on her dream to help hell."
Vaggie nodded slowly, knowing that talking about her mom was always a sore sport for her, right above talking about her dad even. "I know you want to get him out of hell ... but ... is that really what's best for him?"
"Yes … no … I don't know." Charlie groaned. "He's alive, he should be living his life, but no one on Earth cared for him. Emily cares about him but Adam wants him dead for some stupid reason. And the IMP … gaaah."
"It's complicated. I get that." She understood more than Charlie or the kid would realize. "But speaking from experience.. I know that sometimes… when you meet the right people…" Vaggie held Charlie's hand. "Hell doesn't feel like hell at all… it.. can feel like… paradise."
Charlie sent her a soft smile. "It really can." And kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you Vaggie. I don't know what I'd do without you at times."
"Let the people here steamroll over you?" Vaggie smirked.
"Okay, I get that. I'm a bit of a doormat, but I'd like to think I've gotten better." She shot back with a giggle.
"Only because you've met a bigger doormat." Vaggie gestured to Iruma.
"You know, that should be the next lesson, self confidence." Charlie grinned. "Believing in yourself and setting your mind on a goal to-"
Changle
Both of them turned to the tied up kid, showing signs of turning and struggling. "You think he's alright? Maybe we can-"
"Calm down Charlie." Vaggie assured, rubbing her shoulder. "It's for the best. You heard Pentious. As long as he's wrapped up in rope and chains, he's not going to be able to use any powers, break out, and/or hurt anyone else."
"I know, I just don't like having to treat him like an animal. Alastor does that enough as it is." Charlie grumbled.
"No. Alastor treats him like a toy he can break. Nifty treats him like an animal." Vaggie added. "... Although now she may start treating him as a boyfriend …" She shivered.
"I should probably also give a lesson on consent... you think Angel would help me on that one?"
"Oh, the pornstar who barely listens and constantly harasses the bartender giving lessons on consent." Vaggie smirked. "I don't know if that would be more funny or sad."
"He works in a studio, Vaggie. There's gotta be tons of consent going on there or people would get fired willy nilly." A porn studio run by Valentino … she really doubted it. "And maybe it'll get him to finally open up. He's been more cagey lately, especially with Iruma-"
Changle
The boy's body began shaking and tossing around more violently, but the chains otherwise held together as Iruma's head began thrashing. "Do you think he's having a nightmare?" Charlie asked in concern.
"If he is, we'll just have to ask him about it in the morning." Vaggie said, making sure to keep Charlie down. "We can't risk him getting out again. We're lucky his little rampage stayed only within the hotel."
"Right, right … ooh, what about singing him a lullaby?" Charlie asked. "At the end of the rainbow, there's happiness …" She began softly singing. "And to find it, how often, I've tried-"
SHING
Both of them blinked ... at the holy sword that came out of his right arm… and cut through the chains tying him down.
"... Ah …." Charlie muttered. "... You know, kind of forgot he-"
"GGRRRRR…" The boy growled, as the sword and gauntlet were covered with black energy, warping and mangling, until they became some sort of twisted version of a claw, cutting through the bars.
"That ... that shouldn't be possible…" Vaggie gasped. A holy weapon wrapping around demon magic… how many fucking loopholes did being alive actually create!?
"Okay, get out Vaggie." Charlie stood up. "I'm going to calm him down before-" The kid bolted through an opening, blasting his way into a vent.
"OOOWWWWWW!" He howled out as it echoed through the entire hotel.
"What the fuck is going-ahahhh he's going for my arms again!!! Every fucking time!" Angel Dust shouted in pain.
"... You know, I wouldn't be against the 'have you hold him in your sleep' plan." Vaggie stated in mute horror. "Cause… I feel like the stakes have escalated to where it's a fair trade off."
"Definitely, but it's not fair to you... oh, what if we both did it together?" Charlie asked.
"AAAAHHH!! MY TAIL!"
"Me next! Me next!"
"We'll discuss sleeping arrangements after this." Vaggie groaned as she grabbed her holy spear. "Before you argue, he's violent, fast, and has a holy weapon. This is just to even the playing field, not to hurt him unless someone's life is at stake."
"…. Fine, but nothing lethal. This isn't something he's in control of."
"That's my plan." She ran forward, trying to keep her speed somewhat normal as she ran through the hotel, seeing the boy chowing down on one of Husk's legs.
"Fuck! I thought you bitches would've kept him tied up!"
"He has a holy weapon fused to his arm, apparently that means shit to holy rope and chains!" Vaggie shouted as she used all of her might to kick Iruma off the cat demon. "Stay back!" She held a spear to his face. "Do not make me use this on you!" Preferably not.
"GRRRRRKKKKK." He began circling around her like a shark, growling and chittering of teeth coming from his mouth as he kept his nose pointed at her, his eyes still closed.
"Iruma, please, calm down!" Charlie shouted as she stood behind Vaggie. "I don't know how much of you is conscious right now, but I know you don't want to hurt people if you were in control! So please… just stand down so we can help you!"
He continued growling … his back almost twitching as two wings burst from it, his leg coiling up over itself in a manner resembling a spring … shit! "Move!" Vaggie pushed Charlie down-
Shatter
… Which was the wrong call. Iruma wasn't trying to tackle her girlfriend, he bolted out of the window at incredible speed, flying through the air. "NOO!" Nifty ran out to the hole. "You still never bit me! Come back you tease!!!!!"
"Fuckin good riddance!" A half eaten Angel Dust shouted. "You know how much of this shit is going to take to grow back?! If I'm not in shape by the time Val calls me, I'm going to be a living butt plug for the next twelve hours!"
"What a delightful little show." The radio fucker chuckled as he clapped his way inside. "Truly a fun little event indeed."
"Alastor, use you bullshit and call him back!" Vaggie shouted.
"Hmmmm… no, I don't think I will." The fucker chuckled.
"WHAT!?" She screamed.
"He's out of the hotel, which I swore to protect so that's one obstacle out of way. And he's out in the streets, where the show will get much more entertaining with other more obvious targets to his feral state."
"Are you kidding me!?" Vaggie growled in frustration.
"Besides, if I use the chain, me and the boy will devolve into a fight where I break every bone in his body, which dear Charlotte has repeatedly prevented me from doing."
"We gotta go after him!" Charlie shouted. "If his hand's covered in a holy weapon, he could kill someone unintentionally!"
"I thought it was a sword." Husk deadpanned. "How fucked up is that kid's soul at this point?"
"You mean I can hunt him down and punish him?" Nifty giggled. "I'll get my whip!"
"You fuckers do that shit, I'm going back to bed." Angel growled.
"And I sssshhall build a vehicle to combat the dangerousss and lettthal child!" Pentious exclaimed. "And you all sssssssaid bringing all my weaponsssssss wassssssn't a ssssssssmmart idea!"
"Yes yes, you were right, less bragging and more chasing!" Vaggie shouted.
"No!" Charlie shouted. "No weapons! We are handling this with peace and hugs and negotiations!"
"Can't wait to hear that fail."
"FUCK OFF ALASTOR!!" Charlie shouted as her horns grew out.
Cherri Bomb cackled as she tossed out bomb after bomb. "Come on fuckers, try and at least make this interesting!" So far these last couple of raids have been nothin' but lame. Get in, blow shit up, everyone's dead. "This is way too easy!"
"Can someone shoot this broad already!?" One of the fuckers shouted.
"We're trying, she set up landmines in advance!"
"That's because you bitches are so bloody predictable!" Cherri shouted as she blew a load of the assholes away with a click of a button. "At least sir edgelord kept things interesting by trying to kill me in new ways." Slithery bitch joined Angel at that crappy hotel last she heard, even the fun ones were starting to get boring now.
"Fuck you you overhyped explosion bitch!" A bitch shouted out as she fired off bullets.
"Overhype this!" Cherri laughed as she threw another bomb, watching its mesmerizing explosion. "WOOOOH! Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand!"
"GGAAAAAAAAAHHH!" The blood rained over.
"That's it, we're bringing out the big guns!" A ram looking fucker shouted. "Bring out the tanker!"
"But we were going to blow Missi Zilla up for screwing us over with the wax detail!"
"Let's be real! If HALF the stuff on that broadcast is legit, it wouldn't work on an overlord anyway!"
"Oooh, a tanker, let's see if you actually blow your load the right way." Cherri chuckled. Sometimes it was a pain being almost TOO awesome for hell to handle.
"Oh no one talks about my loads like that you fucking-"
Crash
The window broke open as a … thing flew inside. Looked like a massive beast, covered with armor and overgrown limbs, giant wings casting a shadow over the room like it was some sort of Batman wannabe. "GRRRRRRRRRRR!" Feathery crystalline bird-like feathers flared up in the air as the ground cracked, staring at the tank… wait, were it's eye's closed?
"Whow, what the fuck is that?!" One of the bitches called out.
"Hey, look at the cowlick!" Another one shouted. "It's that fucker from the radio demon's show!"
"... The human?" One bastard questioned. "So this is just some sort of intimidation tactic from-"
CHOMP
And now his arm was in the creature's mouth. "OH FUCK! The rumors weren't a lie!" The demon screamed in pain. "He really is an angel killer, now he's going to kill us!" It continued to eat the demon, starting with it's head, silencing the fucker as the group stared in morbid interest.
"... So is this a run like little bitches moment, or an all sides put their differences away to beat up the bastard moment?" A bat looking demon asked, turning to her.
"Hey, I have no reason to team up with you fuckers." Cherri snorted as she sat down on some nearby debris. "Cause now I got a front row seat to your ass's getting torn apart."
The beast boy turned to them all. "... Run the fuck away it is! I did not come to fight feral!" An elephant demon ran out of the warehouse.
"GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" The kid jumped forward, launching itself from the shadows as it got on top of the tank, and started EATING it, one giant bite at a time.
"AAAAAHHHHH!" They all screamed like pussies, runnin' the fuck away.
"Pffft, ahahahahahahaaha, oh that was lovely, that was fucking bloody lovely!" Cherri hollered as she sent herself back on the floor. "Finally, someone knows how to have a fuckin riot!" Weird how Angel never seemed to listen in anytime something fun came up. Eh, he lived with the little runt now, probably had enough already.
The thing (apparently the radio boy), finished it's current meal, turning to Cherri. "Grrrr." He slowly stomped towards her.
"Whoa, hey, I enjoyed the chaos kid, but don't think I'mma easy mark to strike down." She told them, pulling out a bomb.
"GRRRAAAA!!" And the fucker tried jumping her with massive jaws.
"Don't remember you being this fucking wild but alright: I'm down to party!" She flipped over the guy and threw a bomb right in that big wide mouth of his.
Kaboof
Red smoke came out of the kid's mouth as it licked its lips, looking around curiously at it seemed almost pleased, like a dog eating a treat, shifting its wings down as it sat on all fours. "... No way …" She looked down, lighting up another bomb and tossing it into his mouth.
Kaboof
… Now the thing sprouted a tail and wagged it, its tongue panting with smoke. "... You're eatin' fucking explosions …" She didn't know if that was a sign that she was losing her touch or the kid just being really hard core. "Fuck, I heard demons called you an animal, but I didn't know how literally that applied." Cherri snorted. "You wanna fuck shit up for more explosions?" She held another bomb in her hands.
"Woof!"
"... Super animal, love it!" She laughed, lookin' him over as she tossed it. "Hmm, eyes closed …" The kid didn't look like he was conscious,.. meaning he was just a mindless wrecking ball…. Oh she was going to wreck the shit out of everything. "Let's go fuck with some overlords." Not like there was any harm happening if the kid liked it.
"Woof!"
Charlie shifted uncomfortably in place as she rode in Sir Pentious' 'battle tanker', which sped through the streets of Pentagram city with mostly reckless abandon. "Could we maybe, try driving on the right side of the road?"
"Do you wissssssh to find the boy sssssafely, or quickly?"
"I'm mean… the latter is more important but both-"
"Hun, this isn't the time for caution when the kid is running around like a wild animal." Vaggie narrowed her eyes.
"You heard the ssssscary manager, floor it Egg Boisss!" The man screamed.
"Yes Mr. Boss Man sir!" And suddenly they were crushing cars … lovely.
"Husssssk, where are we on navigation!?"
The cat pulled out an earplug. "Anyone know a 'Cherri Bomb'?"
"Sounds familiar..." Charlie thought about it for a second. "Wait, she's Angel's friend. He helped with that turf war when we announced the hotel…"
"Thhhhhhhatt Hoar!?" Pentious shouted. "What doessss sssshe havvvvve to do with anything!?"
"She nabbed the kid and plans on using him as a tyke bomb against an overlord."
"WHAT!?" Vaggie screamed. "You have got to be shittin' me!"
"Nope, turns out the kid eats her explosions like dog treats, and apparently she's looking for a pet." The bartender muttered.
"I thought Angel Dust said she was nice!?" Charlie shouted exasperatedly.
"She sounds nice. Giving dog treats to Iruma's always fun." Nifty giggled. "If only he'd rip me up every once in a while …"
"Okay, we're going to at least put angelic locks on her when this is all over." Vaggie muttered. "But Charlie, you were going off of Angel Dust's word, the same pathological liar that hardly listens? His definition of nice is selective at best."
"If he placed his trust in her, I will. He already placed his trust in us, and it's our job to do the same." Charlie nodded. "Any idea where they're heading?"
"Hold on, hard to get a read on the kid when his growling is making up most of the audio inaudible." Husk muttered as he placed the earbud in. "Alright... saying something about fucking over Overlord turf..."
"Please don't let it be the Vs, please don't let it be the Vs..." Vaggie crossed her fingers. "Kid's already fucked with them enough and they hate us on principle for working with Alastor."
"No… huh. They're going for the Von Eldritch family." Husk answered. They were what!?
"… Oh shit that's even worse." Charlie muttered in horror. "A million million times worse!"
"I know they're dangerous if you fuck with em, but they're not THAT impulsive." Husk rolled his eyes. "They're new blood compared to most Overlords."
"Yes…. And I dated their son in highschool." Charlie said with little to no breathing.
"... Oooooohhh." Pentious winced. "Bad romanccccce, nevvvver good."
"Annnd … I threw their daughter through a seven story window." She added very weakly.
"Oooh, so you do like causing people pain!" Nifty cheered. "Let's do it to Husk when we get back to the hotel!"
"No, I don't, I had a… phase back then..." Charlie sighed. "I'm not proud of it. My parents were fighting, Seviathan wasn't the best influence, it was the most painful thirty years of my life." Worst, emo phase, ever. "Let's just try cutting them off before we have to deal with ANYONE there, alright?"
"Not a problem, your majessssssssty!" Sir Pentious saluted. "I am well verssssssssed in the art of combat againssst thisss anarchissssssst arsonisssssssssts!" The snake man gleamed as he pulled some levers and knobs. "Today isssss the day whoressss die!"
"It doesn't have to escalate into a fight." Charlie tried to point out. "I'm sure all we need to do is ask nicely and get to let Iruma go-"
Chomp
"The kid just ate through a building and it's coming down on us!" Husk shouted.
"Egg Boissss, fire the cannonssss!"
"You got it boss man!"
"It's always cannons, never ray guns."
"Angels live among us and we never know it!"
Boom
"Ahaahah, take that you chaotic cyclopssssssss!" Pentious shouted into a microphone as loudspeakers emerged out of the hood of the tanker. "Anything you can thhhhhrow at me I'll bouncccce back tenfold! Egg Boisssss, wide barrage, rapid fire!"
"Oh, sir edgelord, you actually came out of ya little hole? Mid life crisis or were you just tired of sucking on your own little eggs!?" A woman shouted, as multiple small Cherry shaped bombs were thrown at them.
"We're all gonna die!" Nifty giggled.
"No, no one's going to die!" Charlie shouted as she took the microphone. "Hello, Miss Cherri Bomb, this is Charlie Morningstar."
"Princess of hell, eh?" The one eyed woman snickered. "So you're the unfun sunshine bitch giving Angie free room and board while all of hell mocks you?"
"Only if you consider rainbows and happiness unfun!" Charlie shot back.
"I mean, it is the lamest and gayest shit I've ever heard." Cherri snickered. "Sorry, can't stay and chat, got places to go and bitches to tear to shreds."
"While you are perfectly inclined to your own decisions and have free will, I will suggest letting our friend go … please."
The woman turned to Iruma, who was on all fours and panting like a cute little dog. "Hey kid, you wanna go back to those fuckers?" And the boy shook his head. "He says no, Ms. 'free will supporter'!"
"He's fucking sleepwalking, dumbass, he doesn't even know what he's doing!" Vaggie shouted.
"Sounds like a tomorrow-problem he'll have to deal with in the morning. I'm more of a 'party till I drop in the moment' kind of gal!" She shouted in glee, pulling the pin on a grenade. "Tell Angie I said high and fuck off!"
"Hahaha, pitiful!" Sir Pentious shouted as he pressed a button, firing some kind of go are the explosive, making it drop to the ground. "I've ssstudied your explossssssive devicesssss better than you've evvvvver could! You'll never be able to get the one up on me again!" The woman began smiling. "Ooooh no. That'ssss her 'I am about to ruin your day' look."
Cherri pulled out another bomb, one emoting red smoke. "Ready to fetch?"
"Wooof!"
"I know this is terrifying and all… but it's oddly adorable." Charlie cooed as the bomb was thrown at the motor.
"Alright boy, fetch and chomp!"
Iruma dashed at them, maw opened. "Iruma, wait stop...!" Charlie shouted as the boy got closer.
"You can't deny me this time!!" Nifty shouted as she grabbed the bomb in her hands and started running. "Now you have to chase and eat me if ya want your treat, like a good doggie!"
As said, he began chasing her. "… She's just as fucked as she is in the radio, isn't she?" Cherri asked.
"Not asss much asss you're about to be, whore!" Pentious shouted as he took out a machine gun. "Now perish from the facccce of thissss realm!!"
The woman cackled as she jumped out of the way of the bullets. "Finally! Today is fuckin' fun! Where's Angie, he would be the cherry on top of this wild party!"
"Kid ate his arms, said he'd rather be in bed." Husk shrugged.
"Wait really?" The girl back flipped as she issued a bomb into one of the turrets. "Is he alright?"
"Actually I'm kind of worried, he's been a bit cagey lately." Charlie admitted.
"I think he's just pissy cause he's not the center of attention." Vaggie groaned. "You all hold her, I'm going to try tackling the kid."
"Wait, you've been having trouble holding the kid…. Why?" The cyclops titled their head.
"Because he's a danger to himself and others-"
"No, I mean why you actin' like it's freaking hard?" Cherri said as she lit another fuse. "I've just been feeding him my explosives every fifteen minutes or so and he's cool as a cucumber."
"… Was he just fuckin' hungry!?" Husk screamed.
"He did sssstate he doessssn't get full." Pentious shrugged.
"Wait, but he's been eating the patrons at the hotel for the past few days and never calmed down… what's different about your bombs?" Charlie had to ask.
"Eh, might be the small bits of LSD and crack I pour into them."
"What?" They all blinked in confusion.
"Yeah. Get people drugged as you rip them apart violently. Everyone does that right?" Cherri asked like it was normal.
"… I think Angel Dust would strangle you if he heard that." Nifty noted, looking at her empty hands. "Wait, how the heck did he take the fucking bomb without biting me!?"
Charlie stared in silence, before taking a deep breath at the horror before her. "Are we saying that the only way Iruma is calm is to-"
"Get him fucking high." Husk bemoaned as he placed multiple pills in the kid's plate.
"… You have GOT to be shitting me!!?" Angel Dust shouted, outraged.
"I am still very much looking for any alternatives." Charlie groaned, banging her head against the wall. "Drugs should not be the solution to all life's problems!"
"But they are the solution to this life's problems." The smiling freak cackled. "Quite ironic. The most innocent soul and the one you're so desperate to save from this infernal perdition is the one that needs vices to sustain a functional day life. That must be so conflicting for you, Ms. Charlotte."
"Fuck off Alastor!" Charlie shouted as she flipped the radio demon off.
"Oooh come on." Nifty pouted. "At least wait until I get a turn before he gets knocked out on a trip."
"We're not letting him become an unwilling cannibal!"
"I believe the number of finger sandwiches from Rosie says otherwise.""
"I would feel more hesitant if she wasn't so nice about the whole thing." The kid nodded. "Alastor's cooking can still bite it."
"Come now, my jambalaya is the best!"
"The scent of self absorbed degenerate says otherwise." Iruma muttered.
"You're getting a lot out of the word of the day calendar." Husk noted.
"Carmine said it was the best way to help communicate so random people won't beat me up after saying something silly."
"So can you actually smell emotion or are you just psychoanalyzing?"
"I don't know what that last word means." Iruma stated. "And for the first question... kind of. My nose is more sensitive and I smell more than I used to."
"Can you smell me?" Nifty asked.
"Ah…. Sure.." The kid took in a sniff. "Hm… I'm getting ginger, vanilla, jasmine, and white florals."
"He's good." Nifty nodded with a grin. "Now bite me!"
"I think I spot roaches heading towards the kitchen." Vaggie pointed a thumb behind her. "Whole colony of newborn babies."
"... I know you're playing me … but it's working!" The little girl ran off.
"... So I just need to take this and I won't hurt anyone anymore?" Iruma questioned.
"Possibly … I talked to Belphegor, and she said that, and quote, 'I can barely comprehend the abomination that Beelzebub spawned, but if it's a human with demon-like endurance, this dosage should suffice'." The princess said. "I promise that I'll find a less intoxicating solution someday, but for now… this is the best I can do."
"It's more than anybody would've done for me on Earth... thank you, Charlie." Iruma hugged the princess tightly. "And barring Alastor, I'll make it up to the rest of you for all the trouble I've caused."
"You already did with the wonderful nights of chaos."
"Just give me twelve hours of sleep and we're even." Husk moaned. "It wasn't anything worse than Alastor's done to me."
"Count yourself lucky you didn't hurt Fat Nuggets in all your sleepwalking animal bullshit." Angel Dust glared. "Because if you so much as lay a scratch on him ever, I don't care if your human or sin or whatever the fuck you are, your getting eight bullets in your skull and you're not getting back up."
"Understood." The kid nodded as he took the plate. "So… just eat them like normal food?"
"Yeah... it's like… candy… for adults..." Charlie gave two shaky thumbs up.
He took a large gulp. "… Huh … don't really notice much of a-" And then the kid slammed into the table, snoring.
"… I'm so sorry Iruma!!" Charlie cried as she hugged the unconscious body. "I'm trying to protect you and I only give your body new poison, I'm so sorry!!!"
"He's snoring, not dead." Husk rolled his eyes. "Now if you don't mind … I'm gonna pass out." If only it was the sweet release of death.