After gym, they changed and trooped back to their dorm before dinner.
They passed Ino and Sakura on the way. Konan was about to say hi when a boy's voice from somewhere in the scrum of students pressing to get into the main hall snickered, "Don't wear out your new roommate on the first night. I want a turn..."
Ino crossed her arms and gave Konan a burning look. She turned away with a disgusted sigh, tossing her long blonde ponytail. Sakura followed.
Konan scoffed in annoyance. Um... what the heck was that about? She couldn't see why Ino would be pissed about someone making that kind of comment about her , but hey. Maybe it was a highschool girl thing. Maybe it's like Mean Girls? Maybe Ino didn't like Konan getting 'attention' instead of her? If that's true, she's got some fucking problems.
Ino was right, though: the word had spread.
Konan looked into the crowd of faces as they passed, seeing if anybody met her gaze. She heard another low mutter and laughter — "Is she taking an elective in sucking dick?" — and whipped around, staring. Who is it? Who would...
The guys had heard too, this time. She saw Sasori glance back at Pain, who had shifted slightly closer to Konan. She could feel his arm hovering behind her, like he was worried someone would try grab her. Hidan started yelling at the people ahead to move faster and let them through. Konan listened hard, tuning out the dozens of jabbering voices around her, focusing on that low, venomous mocking, the high laughter.
"She doesn't have any fucking tits. Ugh..."
"So? She'll be available, and she's got three holes and hair to pull. Good enough for me..."
"The 5th years shouldn't be hogging her. Cut a hole in the wall so everyone can get some. Or send her room to room. Pussy delivery service..."
The others had heard too, and turned as one, voices rising with angry retorts, and Pain had stepped forward suddenly, but Konan got there first.
She found the guy, stormed up to him. He looked at her mockingly and mimed sucking a dick, raising a fist and pushing his tongue to the side of his cheek. She punched him in the throat.
The kid grabbed at his neck, gasping and retching. The crowd shuffled backward into each other, gasping and laughing. His friend who had been grinning tried to melt into the background, but Hidan waded in and shoved him into a locker, while Pain grabbed the first boy by the face and slammed his head into the wall.
The crowd started to yell 'Fight! Fight! Fight' and surged forward around them. Konan was pushed sideways and stumbled. Sasori grabbed her and held her upright. She heard him say something to Pain, then he took her by the hand.
"Let's leave them to it, shall we?" he said. There was a tiny soft note in his usual blasé, teasing voice.
Konan shrugged, taking a last look at the boy she'd punched. He looked fourteen, greasy-faced, with stiff black hair. He was still bent-double, struggling for air. Pain yanked him up by the collar of his shirt and was hissing something in his face. She saw Tsunade at the other end of the hall, clearly yelling for quiet but she could barely be heard over the noise of the crowd. Konan turned and pushed her way through with Sasori.
They broke free of the scrum into a smaller hallway, taking the long way to their dorm rooms. Sasori walked next to her, hands in his pockets. Konan couldn't think what to say. She bit her lips, head down. She knew she was angry, but her emotions felt like a tangled, chaotic mess inside her, and she couldn't think properly. Her brain wouldn't work. She was just staring down, feeling her heart pounding and her cheeks starting to prickle with shame.
She had expected a rough transition, from scattered homeschooling, online courses, the occasional term with a private tutor, straight to boarding school. She hadn't expected this.
Am I just fucking naïve? What should I have done differently? Is the same thing going to happen tomorrow, and the day after?
For a brief moment, Konan imagined what would happen if she tried to call her dad and ask to leave the school. She'd probably talk to five different people, none of whom could reach him, sit on hold for an hour, then be told that 'his instructions had remained unchanged'. Because that's what they always said.
What that boy was saying... is that what EVERYONE is thinking? Konan wondered.
To her horror, her eyes started to burn and her throat was tightening. I can't fucking cry NOW! Oh my god…
She turned away from Sasori and looked at the wall, blinking fast and breathing slowly.
Calm down, calm down.
She could feel Sasori's eyes on her, but thankfully he didn't say anything.
By the time they got close to the boy's hall, she was back in control. The last thing she needed was for people to start calling her a crybaby…
At the entrance, they met Hidan and Pain.
"Hey fuckos!" Hidan greeted them. He had a bruise on his cheekbone but looked in extremely good spirits. "You missed a fucking amazing fight, it was gonna be fucking sick. I had that little bitch up against the wall, he was fucking pissing himself." He ran a hand through his short silver hair and groaned. "I've been needing this, I've been so pent up— "
"Yes, we all know what a stressful life you lead, what with all the skipping class… sleeping… skipping more class…" Sasori said drily.
"Fuck off," Hidan said laughing. "But seriously man, it was great. But then Tsunaboobs came over, pissed as shit, yelling her head off."
"And?" Sasori prompted.
"And... Pain and I got fucking detention over the weekend." Hidan rolled his eyes. " With those little shitstains."
"Oh no!" Konan said, looking at Pain.
He didn't meet her gaze. His jaw was clenched tightly and he was flexing his hands. She swallowed, noticing his knuckles were red and raw, the skin scraped off in places. She glanced away again, getting the feeling he didn't want her to look at him.
"Hey, it's nothing. The good news is that everybody's on fucking lockdown tonight, and you know what that means!" Hidan said with a huge smile. "Pizza party!"
Konan half-laughed, confused. "Wait, what?"
Sasori explained as they headed through the hall door towards the 5th year dorm rooms. "'Lockdown' basically means the staff don't want to risk cramming everyone all together again for dinner in the cafeteria. So we all get locked in the dorms early as a 'containment strategy.' But they still need to feed us, and the easiest way to do that is with…"
"Pizza!" crowed Hidan again, parting the way in front of him with both hands like the prow of a ship, scattering a huddle of thirteen-year-olds.
Konan smiled along with Hidan, but it didn't quite take. She was still worried about what the next day might be like, after this whole situation. She tried to catch Pain's eye to ask if he was okay, but as if he sensed the impending question, he lengthened his stride, getting to the 5th year doors ahead of them.
Konan bit her lips, trying to tell herself this didn't mean anything, but she felt Sasori's eyes on her again. She picked up the pace too, hurrying into the dorm room while trying not to meet the gaze of any of the other boys in the hall.
"I'm just going to have a shower," she muttered as soon as she got in and sped down the hall. She opened her door, zipped inside, shut it behind her, and drew the bolt across it as fast as she could, then pressed her back to the door with a huge sigh.
It had been a long day. She looked around the room. It still felt unfamiliar. Not like home. She unlaced her Docs and threw them, maybe a little harder than she would on a different day, into the corner. She flopped face-down on the bed and gave a little moan.
I hate it here. Hate it, hate it, HATE it.
She released a huge sigh into the duvet, then levered herself up and took off her uniform. She grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom. At least there wasn't a huge fake spider in it today…
She locked the door and slammed the tap as hot as it would go, watching herself in the mirror until the glass steamed over. She looked shadowy, shaky. Her cheeks were still a little red, her eyelashes still a little wet.
I don't want to be here.
She took a long shower. She just stood under the spray for a while, replaying the day, trying to gain a little perspective. Her classes had been good, volleyball was good. A pretty good day overall, until it all went wrong.
She washed her hair, lathered up her jasmine body wash, shaved her legs. Did everything she could think to do to postpone the moment she had to step out and go back into the real world.
Wrapped in a towel, she sat at her desk drying her hair and listening to music. She wondered if the guys thought she was crying. Or if they weren't thinking about her at all, having moved on entirely from what had happened. Or if they were glad she was leaving them alone, so they could get back to normal without her. This train of thought left her feeling lonelier than ever.
By the time the smell of pizza floated tantalisingly under the door, making her stomach grumble, she was wearing plaid pyjama bottoms, fuzzy socks, an oversized hoodie, and she had braided her hair, put on her vanilla body butter, and was watching Friends on her laptop, fully in her self-care zone. She was just wondering how to sneak out for pizza without it being awkward, when someone knocked on her door.
"Konan, there's pizza. You want pepperoni, vegetarian, or Hawaiian?" Deidara's voice called.
"Also, we're having a party," Sasori said. "Let us in."
Konan unlocked the door and barely got out of the way before Deidara and Sasori came in, followed by Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Pain, and Kisame.
"Are we… hanging out in my room?" Konan asked, a little pointlessly as the boys all made themselves right at home.
Sasori put the pizza down on her table. Kakuzu tossed a stack of paper plates next to the boxes and cracked open a bottle of Jameson's. Deidara flopped onto her bed. Hidan unstacked six shot glasses and took a swig from the tequila bottle he was holding. Kisame dropped a six pack on the floor and sat next to it, tearing one from the pack. Itachi was checking out her bathroom.
Pain came in last, holding a slice of pizza and a stack of paper plates. He gave Konan a swift smile, not totally meeting her gaze, then sat on her chair, leaning back and crossing his ankles. Konan looked around to see Sasori opening her drawers.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, seeing one of her bras in his hand. He laughed and twanged it at her like it was an elastic band.
She tossed it back at him "Those are expensive, you know!"
"Ooh, lacy. Who are you trying to impress?" he asked as he obediently put it back and shut the drawer.
Konan rolled her eyes. "God knows it's not you. What is all this, anyway? Are you hoping Tsunade's going to do an inspection and kick me out for all the alcohol in here, so you get your dorm back?"
Hidan snorted with laughter. "Inspection… " He said it like Konan had asked if bananas were carnivorous. "Fuck no. We're holding a Welcome Party-slash-initiation-slash-sleepover. Or something. They do this in chick flicks, right? You like that shit, right?" he asked. "You're a girl. I mean, close enough to one," he said with a teasing smirk and a nod at her small boobs.
"Gee thanks." Konan gave him the finger and laughed when the other boys went ooooh , like she'd done a magic trick. "It's really nice of you to do this, though…"
"It was all Sasori's idea," Deidara said, sitting up and grinning when Sasori shot him a scowl.
"Well, wasn't that nice of him?" Konan said sweetly, linking her hands behind her back and giving Sasori a big grin. " Thaaaank youuuu, Sasoriii," she sing-songed.
Sasori mimed being sick into her underwear drawer. She laughed and went to grab pizza.
They finished the episode of Friends, since Konan already had it on, and then had a thirty minute discussion of what movie to watch before settling on Scary Movie, taking shots whenever someone said Cindy or Shorty, whenever somebody died, and whenever there was blood on screen. Konan had to give up and switch to water two-thirds into the movie.
Hidan spilled half the tequila on the floor while laughing and everyone else booed him and Kakuzu threw a pizza crust at his head. Konan got up to look for a mop and opened what she had taken for a supply closet on the far wall.
She stared uncomprehendingly for several moments at the inside of another bedroom. She'd had a few shots, sure, but surely she couldn't be hallucinating?
"What is this?" she said, baffled.
It was a room similar to hers but different. The bed was against the other wall. Clothes were piled on the chair. What looked like a half-finished human-sized puppet sat in the corner. There were polaroid photos covering one wall.
"Uh… my room?" came Sasori's voice from behind her.
It took a second for that to register. "What?"
Sasori was lying on her bed with Deidara, smirking at her.
"Almost every dorm room has an adjoining door. Yours connects to the other 5th year boy's dorm, 5b, through my room. It used to be boarded up when nobody was staying in this room, but it looks like they've opened it all up again. They didn't tell you?"
"Um, no? I thought it was a closet!" Konan said indignantly, closing the door. "And it doesn't even have a lock!" she exclaimed as the others laughed.
After all Shizune's talk about locks and safety, there was a doorway straight to a boy right in her bedroom?
Her eyes fell on Sasori, curled up around Deidara. He gave her a wink.
Ugh. I guess it could be worse.
"Are you going to be using that door?" she asked suspiciously.
"All the time," Sasori said with an evil smile.
"Of course you are," she groaned.
—
"Let's play Truth or Dare," Deidara suggested.
"Booo," chorused several of the others, but Deidara sat up, not backing down.
"Come on, we want to get to know Konan, and this is her party, so she should get to decide. Do you want to play?" he asked her.
"Umm… yes," she said laughing as Deidara cheered and Kakuzu threw a pillow at her.
They established ground rules (nothing unhygienic ("I am not licking any toilet seats," Itachi had said firmly), no spiders (from Konan), nothing sexual, a group veto allowed with no penalty, if others agreed the dare was really bad), and a punishment for chickening out (deadlifting Kakuzu, or at least trying to – he looked to be 200 pounds of muscle).
"Okay, who wants to start?" Kisame asked, cracking open another beer.
"Ladies first," Itachi said to Konan.
Konan looked around. They had more or less formed a circle, sitting or lying on the floor, except for Sasori and Deidara, who hadn't given up the bed. She hadn't played truth or dare since summer camp when she was seven, and that had mostly been daring each other to touch a slug and then screaming ewww when someone finally did.
"Okay… Sasori." The redhead raised his eyebrows at her. Dediara nudged his shoulder, laughing. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth. Yes, okay, it was me who looked in your underwear drawer just now."
Konan laughed. "No, um…" She had been wanting to ask, but didn't want to make it awkward. "Are you…dating…" She glanced at Deidara, trying to read his face. She was pretty sure, but…
"Guys, Konan likes Sasori," Hidan said in a very drunk non-whisper, holding his hand to the wrong side of his mouth for it to be secret.
Konan chucked one of her Docs at his head, then gasped and apologized when he didn't dodge in time. "Hey!" he said, like two full seconds after it made contact.
"...Yeah, I'm switching this to water," Pain said with a laugh, taking the tequila away from Hidan and getting up.
"Konan wants my tight, sexy body," Sasori said, biting his lip.
Konan was laughing, waving her hand no. "No, no, no, no—"
"Okay, now you're insulting me."
" No! I mean, are you dating Deidara, or do you want to date Deidara?" she asked.
"Way to address the elephant in the room right off the bat," Itachi said with a grin. "If 'get a room' was a person…"
"Yeah, do you have a big fat crush on me?" Deidara asked, turning to look at Sasori with a smirk.
Sasori rolled his eyes and bumped his forehead against Deidara's affectionately. "You dummy."
"To answer your question," he said, turning to face Konan. "Yes, we're dating. I finally gave in to his many charms last year after months and months of begging…"
" Your months and months of begging," Deidara said, taking a swig of beer. Sasori bit his shoulder. "Hey!"
"Aww, you guys! I've been waiting for you crazy kids to get together," Pain said sarcastically as he came back from the bathroom with a glass of water for Hidan.
It was Sasori's turn. "Konan," he said, giving her a wicked grin.
"Hey, why're you going back to her again? What are we, chicken eggs?" Hidan slurred through his water glass.
"That's not the phrase," Kakuzu said.
"Fuck you, Mister-fuckin'-grammar-guy! It is a phrase. I'm phrasing it now, it's phrased," Hidan argued.
Kakuzu pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly thinking Lord, give me strength . Konan giggled.
"I'm just trying to get to know our new friend," Sasori said innocently. "Truth or dare?"
"Dare…?" Konan said tentatively, nervous about what he might ask. At the look on his face, she quickly backtracked. "No, truth—"
"Too late!" he crowed. "I dare you to show me all of your piercings."
" Oooooh " chorused the other boys. Konan rolled her eyes at the ceiling. Jeez. Sasori glanced at Pain with an innocent smile. "She said she had more, so…"
"Fine," Konan sighed, getting up from the floor with a groan. "But we're doing it in the bathroom."
"We're doing it in the bathroom ," Sasori repeated in a scandalous voice, shooting Deidara a teasing look. "Are you jealous?"
"Fuck no, I get the bed to myself," the blonde said, stretching out luxuriously.
Sasori followed Konan to the bathroom. She snorted with laughter when she saw all the other guys leaning forward and staring in before she shut the door and locked it.
Once inside, Sasori stood innocently by the sink, hands behind his back. "So, why are we in here? You have a butt piercing?"
Konan laughed. " No? Do they do those?"
"You could ask Pain. He probably has some."
Trying not to picture that, Konan lifted her hair. "Nape piercing," she said, turning.
"Uh huh."
"Labret," she pointed to her lip.
"I hadn't noticed," Sasori said drily.
She pulled back her hair behind her left ear. "Industrial. Conch. Orbital," she said, pointing.
"Very nice."
She lifted her shirt to show her stomach. "Belly ring."
"Ah yes."
She gave him a look. "Are you going to tell other people about this?"
"That your belly button is an innie? For sure, I'm leading with that in all my conversations from now on," he said drily.
She didn't laugh. "No, the next one. Are you going to tell other people?"
"Other people like who? Anybody at all? Or," he said, his expression shifting, reading her face. "You mean people who aren't us , right?"
"I don't want to get asked about this." She pushed her lips out, thinking, on balance. "I guess I don't mind if you tell the others, like Pain and Itachi and them, if it comes up or whatever, but I don't want other people knowing."
"I won't tell." he said simply. She believed him.
Konan reached behind her back and undid her bra. Sasori raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. She lifted her shirt and bra up to show her nipple piercings.
There was a beat. Then— "Very tasteful," Sasori said politely. They looked at each other and then burst out laughing.
"Gee, thanks," Konan laughed, re-fastening her bra.
"Now where's this secret tattoo you were talking about…?" Sasori asked before laughing as Konan shoved him.
They emerged from the bathroom to several wolf whistles.
"You guys, under her clothes her body is completely made of piercings!" Sasori exclaimed as he made his way back over to Deidara.
Konan sat back down, readjusting her bra strap, which had twisted. She looked up to see Sasori leaning down and whispering in Pain's ear.
She raised her eyebrows at Sasori when he finished, and he blew her a kiss. "You said you didn't mind!"
"It's true, I don't," she said sweetly. "But it's also my turn again now."
She grinned at Pain, who gave her a small smile back, looking a bit pink. He'd had quite a bit to drink, too. "Pain, Truth or Dare?"
"Dare."
"I dare you to show Sasori all of your piercings." A knowing laugh flickered around the circle.
"Sure thing," Pain said with a grin, getting up.
Sasori gave her a horrified look. She blew a kiss right back at him. "Have fun!"
"Come on, Sasori, let's go to the bathroom!" Pain said cheerfully, taking his friend's hand and skipping his way there to a chorus of laughter.
Konan grabbed another slice of pizza, did another shot of Jamo's with Kisame, and had started a conversation with Itachi about his performance art classes while they waited.
After about five minutes, there was a sudden yell — "MY EYES! MY EYES! Put it away, put it away! " — and everyone burst out laughing. Konan thought she was going to cry she was laughing so hard.
Truth or Dare continued from there. Pain asked Kakuzu if he had any secret talents, to which he revealed that he did stock trading online and had never lost money.
Kakuzu dared Hidan to solve a long division question by himself with no help, which took several tries and naturally involved a lot of foul language.
Hidan dared Itachi to wear his hair in pigtails for the rest of the game, which earned him a very sour look.
Itachi asked Konan what the biggest lie she'd ever told was. Konan had to think for a while, but eventually told them about the time she'd gotten her dad's old secretary on board to pretend she was attending a week-long etiquette intensive, when she was actually hitchhiking her way to a Paramore concert.
Konan dared Kisame to do the worm, which was amazing until it came to an abrupt end after he landed on a bottle opener.
Kisame dared Deidara to cut his hair, to which everyone else used the group veto. Kisame then dared Deidara to take Kakuzu's socks off with his teeth, to a chorus of ewws.
Deidara, after begging Konan for mouthwash and then gargling loudly in the bathroom, dared Konan to guess how many people each of them had dated.
"That's hard!" she said. "I mean, how am I supposed to know?"
"Give it your best guess," came Deidara's voice from the bathroom before he starting gargling again .
"Okay, now that's just insulting," Kakuzu said.
Konan bit her lips. "Ugh, I'm bad at guessing this kind of thing. Um…" She looked around. "Okay, for 'dated', are we counting like… made out with someone at a party, or like, hooked up with someone a few times but no labels, or…?"
" Someone's got a big number," Hidan whispered to Itachi, this time ducking the Doc Martin that came flying at his head, which meant it hit Kisame instead.
"Sorry! And you, be quiet." Konan said, blushing.
"Say actual dating, like labels, the whole thing. Or… close to labels. If we don't narrow it down, I'm not gonna be able to come up with a number that's under forty," Sasori said before Deidara smushed his face down into the pillow.
"You slut," he said, but he was grinning.
"Okay, okay." Konan looked around the room. "Kisame, two. Kakuzu… two? Hidan… three. Itachi, one, or two… Deidara…" She pursed her lips and tilted her head, looking at him. He grinned at her. "Mmm… I'm going to guess… like… three? No, four." Deidara glanced at Sasori, who was giving him a disbelieving look, and laughed. "Pain… maybe two or three? And Sasori…" Sasori winked at her. "One."
He gaped at her as everyone burst out laughing. "What the heck? You think I have less game than Kisame? " he said in shock, earning himself a kick from the boy in question.
Konan laughed, shaking her head. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if I'm right! But, I dunno, you just kind of…" Her nose wrinkled a little as she smiled, thinking. "To me, as a first impression, you kind of come off like… you've probably fooled around with quite a few people, maybe gotten together with a few people, and you've probably kind of ghosted them. Maybe you've flirted around a lot, and hooked up some, but I don't think you've dated anybody except for Deidara. Just my impression," she said when he looked genuinely shocked.
"I mean… you're right, for him at least," Pain said with a grin, looking at Sasori.
Deidara bumped his forehead into Sasori's shoulder. Sasori was giving Konan a funny look, like she had impressed him.
"You're good at reading people," was all he said. She raised her glass to him and finished her drink.
"How off was I with everybody else?" she asked.
" Way off," Kisame said with a bark of laughter. Hidan was shaking his head, but Deidara said she was about right with him.
"Okay," she said. "Fine. Fair's fair. Sasori, how much dating experience do you think I have?"
"Will you tell us if I guess wrong?" he asked.
Konan bit her lips. Earlier, she would have found this embarrassing. But she was comfortable with all of them now… and she was pretty tipsy. "Sure."
Sasori looked her up and down, tilting his head sideways. "I think… I think you've had one serious boyfriend, but you've gone out with like three people, you've hooked up at a few parties, maybe made out with a few people on nights out."
Konan smiled at him. "Wrong, wrong, wrong, right."
The others gaped at her for a second. "Am I not allowed to have not dated anybody?" she demanded.
"But… the nipple piercings! " Sasori said in shock, which earned Konan some raised eyebrows and wolf whistles from the group.
"Thanks for waiting thirty minutes before telling everyone here," Konan said sarcastically. "And I got those for me, because I like them. You think I was seriously going to pierce my nips for someone I might only date for a month!? They took way longer than that to heal fully!" she exclaimed.
Pain, still a little pink from the beer, nodded and shrugged, making an expression like 'fair enough.'
"Nobody's ever asked you out?" Kisame asked, eyebrows raised.
Konan blushed. "I mean… No?"
"Nobody at your last school asked you to a dance or anything?" Pain asked, disbelief clear on his face.
Konan stuck her lips out, tilting her head to the side. "I mean… I didn't really go to a school -school before this, and we didn't have any dances…"
"What the hell?" Hidan asked.
"I got tutored a lot," Konan explained. "And I was doing school online for years. My mom has been sick for a really long time, and she keeps getting all these different treatments, so I would do online school when I was living with her, or near the hospital… but sometimes my dad would want me to come with him when he went somewhere for business, so then I would get tutors, or sometimes just help out at his work, like, front desk stuff."
She shrugged. "So, no school dances or anything. But I mean… I was friends with the kids of some of his secretaries and some of the security folks and stuff. We used to go out and party, or you know… hang out at the mall or whatever. House parties. We made out sometimes, but then I'd have to leave, or go home to mom, so… it didn't really go anywhere with anybody…"
She trailed off. Everyone was staring at her.
"Guys or girls?" asked Sasori after a minute.
Konan laughed. "Um, actually it was mostly girls, but I don't mind either way, so..."
More staring. She cleared her throat, feeling her face heating up.
" Anyway …. Sasori, Truth or Dare?"
The game continued for another half hour or so. Eventually everyone got too tired and decided to call it a night. They cleaned up the mess and folded up the pizza boxes before heading out. Konan waved them out of her room, saying good night.
Sasori went out his own private exit straight to his room in the other dorm. Konan shut it behind him and propped her chair against the door handle. "I heard that, and my feelings are hurt!" he called from the other side of the door.
After brushing her teeth and another shower to get the pizza smell off her, Konan changed into her pyjamas and slipped into bed.
It had been a long day. But a pretty good one.
She thought about that afternoon, that younger boy hissing things about her to his friends. She hadn't thought about it for hours, which was nice. She remembered feeling Sasori's eyes on her as she had turned away to cry. Remembered Deidara saying the party was Sasori's idea.
I wonder if he wanted to cheer me up. He's a real softy, under all that… Sasori-ness.
She closed her eyes. Just before falling asleep, she thought about Pain's eyes flashing with anger. His arm curled around her protectively. His hand grabbing that boy's face, slamming him into the wall like he barely weighed anything. His mouth curving up, almost predatory, as he hissed threats into his ear. After, his jaw clenched, his hands flexing, veins visible up his wrist, knuckles scraped raw…
Konan felt her face go hot again. She pulled the covers over her head, but couldn't shake Pain's blazing eyes out of her mind, his hands, the curve of flexed muscle in his arms, the slam of the boy's head into the wall.
For a second she imagined herself there instead, Pain pinning her arms over her head, pressing her against the wall, violet eyes gazing down at her, his jaw tense, lips parted, face flushed, breathing hard, his mouth inches away from hers, her gaze on his tongue piercing, imagining what it will feel like, his free hand skimming down her body…
Oh my god. This is bad.
—-
The next day was a holiday, so Konan hadn't set an alarm, intending to sleep in. She was, however, woken by banging on the door from Sasori's room as he tried to shift the chair she'd propped against it.
"Konan, can I use your shower?"
"Go away," she mumbled.
"Konaaaaaaaan~!"
"Go away!"
"I know you're awake~! Can I use your shooooweerrrrrrr?"
Konan's eyes snapped open. Is this what it's like having a little brother!? Maybe if I just pretend to be asleep…
As if he knew exactly what she was thinking, Sasori said, "I'm not gonna go away until you let me in~! Konaaaan…. Konaaaaan….. My love, my angle… don't treat me like potato…."
Konan groaned and rolled out of bed, stumbling to the adjoining door and kicking the chair out of the way.
"Thank you, gorgeous!" Sasori said with a smirk at her sleep-crusted eyes, messy hair, and matching grunt of annoyance. He flounced past her in his underwear, a towel over his arm, and shut her bathroom door behind him
"I didn't need to see that," she said.
She heard the squeak of the shower turning on, then the rush of water. She crawled back into bed, but couldn't get back to sleep because Sasori was singing a terrible rendition of 'Angel of the Morning' over and over again, totally out of his range and out of key.
After fifteen minutes, the tap shut off. She heard a stream of water splashing, a satisfied "AAahhhhhhhh" and then the flush of the toilet.
"I didn't need to hear that," Konan groaned.
A minute later, she heard the click of the door as Sasori came out.
"Good morning again, my angel—" he began.
"Wash your damn hands," Konan grunted, eyes shut, pillow held firmly over her face to block out the light.
There was a momentary silence, then the sound of the tap and a load of dark muttering.
"It's not my fault you're gross," she called.
"Of course not," came Sasori's sweet voice from the end of her bed. A second later, his freezing cold damp hands had slipped under the blankets and grabbed hold of her feet.
"HEY!"
Konan kicked at him, but he was too fast. He ran, snickering, and had headed out her main door before she'd detangled herself. She threw her pillow after him anyway.
"And stay out!"
Since there was no chance of getting back to sleep now, she stumped to the bathroom. Might as well start getting up.
She pulled off her pyjama shirt and pants and tossed them in the corner, eyes as close to shut as she could get away with. She slipped on a puddle Sasori had left on the floor and banged her arm on the towel rail on the way in. Reached absent-mindedly for the shower curtain only to remember there wasn't one.
Mental note: ask for a shower curtain. And/or order one online. Does Amazon deliver here?
She fumbled for the tap, then sighed gratefully as a stream of hot water burst down on her. After a few minutes she started to wake up properly and lathered up her loofah.
"Sasori, you better not have used this…" she muttered. She really didn't want to check for suspicious hairs. She would choose the bliss of ignorance on this day…
"Sasori?" called Deidara's voice from inside her room.
Why am I not surprised, Konan thought, rolling her eyes. It seemed that she was just going to have to get used to her room being a thoroughfare for the others.
She glanced at the bathroom door as she washed her arms, and saw with a heart-stopping lurch that she had forgotten to lock it in her near-comatose daze.
"Sasori," came Deidara's voice, way closer.
"Wait—" Konan began, but she had hardly raised her voice before the bathroom door swung open.
"Are you— OHMYGOD!" Deidara yelled when he saw her.
"IT'S ME, GO AWAY!" Konan shouted, throwing the loofah at his head and trying to cover herself.
Deidara staggered backwards, clutching the loofah, eyes squeezed shut, and closed the door, shouting apologies.
Konan caught her breath, then pressed her head against the side of the shower.
I have been at this school for less than two full days. And already, two of the guys I live with have seen me partly naked, and completely naked. Fuck. My. Actual. Life.
She took extra long in the shower. Dried off extremely thoroughly. Blow dried her hair. Tied her towel around herself very firmly, using a second towel as a shawl for extra coverage before exiting the shower to retrieve her clothes. She locked the bathroom door firmly and got changed, then emerged and returned to sit on her bed as she put her shoes on. Her mouth was in a tight line of irritation.
If one more person comes in here…
Almost as soon as she had thought it, Deidara knocked on the adjoining door and carefully opened it, looking extremely sheepish, still holding her loofah.
"Hey, I'm sorry about that, I thought it was Sasori in there…"
At that very moment, Sasori burst in the other door, still in his underwear, singing I'm Too Sexy, dancing and rubbing moisturizer on his chest.
Konan gazed at him for a second, then turned to look at Deidara, giving him an unimpressed, THIS is your boyfriend? look. He grimaced at her, but was clearly trying not to laugh.
Konan glanced back at Sasori, who was now in full-on dance mode, hips snaking in circles, using Konan's hairbrush as a microphone. She couldn't help it— she laughed, too.
After breakfast, Hidan suggested that since it was a day off, they give Konan the unofficial school tour.
"You mean, all the places you go when you're supposed to be in class?" Kakuzu grunted.
Hidan grinned. "I mean, sure! I gotta make sure my girl knows the deal, if ever she wants to skip with me! It'll be fun~!" he said, waggling his eyebrows.
"He's gonna try get you to do a blood pact," Kakuzu said to Konan."
"Hey! Don't spoil the surprise, 'Kuzu!"
They all agreed to the tour anyway and headed out from the cafeteria, Pain refilling his mug again with black coffee and taking it with him, holding it between his hands like it was the elixir of life.
Other students glanced at them as they passed, but Konan was relieved that they were mostly not looking at her , but rather at Hidan and Pain. Probably because they had all seen or heard about the fight.
I don't want to think about that…
She put it out of her mind and followed Hidan as he pointed out several rooms that were never used for classes, and a roomy storage closet which had a faulty lock.
They went floor by floor, checking out Tsunade's secret wine stash, a vent in the second floor boy's bathroom where Hidan had hidden a full-on escape kit, complete with screwdriver, WD40, glass cutter, rope, and carabiner.
"The window in here's loose," he explained, pointing it out to Konan. "And there's scaffolding right outside on this side of the building, where they're renovating the east wing."
"Very helpful," she said appreciatively. She didn't think she was going to be skipping that much, but it was nice to know there was a way out if she needed it.
They toured the best hook-up places in the school; where to meet if you wanted to buy weed from Kiba, who usually had the best quality; the room Deidara had blown up earlier that term (in the east wing, which explained the reno); the hallway where Hidan, Kisame, and Pain had gone streaking last year as an end-of-year prank, and once they got outside, Pain's motorbike, parked in the metalshop equipment cage.
"Wait, you have a motorbike?" Konan asked, impressed. Pain had his hands in his pockets, standing a little bit behind everyone.
"Yeah."
"I've always wanted to learn to ride one!" Konan said, super excited. "Do you think… could you give me a ride sometime?"
It was her literal dream to ride a motorcycle. She would have loved to get one, and had spent hours scrolling through Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace looking for one she could afford, but it had always been a bit of a pipe dream.
Pain gave her a little grin. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but when he said "For sure," it sounded like he meant it.
They kept walking to check out the disused greenhouse where you couldn't be seen from the school, and the cut section of the chain link fence, where you could sneak out.
"When's the last time you guys all went out?" Konan asked as Itachi demonstrated pushing the snipped section of fence away so there was a gap.
"A few weeks ago, now. For Kisame's birthday," he said. "There's a bus stop not too far from here, and a village about twenty minutes away. Closest city's about an hour bus ride. We just went out, played some pool. Went to the river." He shrugged.
"Oh yeah, when's your birthday?" Deidara sked Konan.
"Uh… October 13th," she replied. "I'll be seventeen!"
"They grow up so fast," Sasori said, wiping away a fake tear. Konan gave him a playful shove. She caught Pain watching and smiled, but he glanced away too quickly. A tiny frown creased her face.
Is there something wrong?
"Damn, that's coming up soon," Kisame said, stroking his chin as they started to walk back to the school, taking the 'scenic route' through the gardens, which were heavily overgrown with weeds, and dotted with crushed cans and empty smoke packs. Not that scenic. "We'll have to start planning."
"Planning what?" Konan asked.
"We're gonna throw you a party or something," Hidan said like she was a little slow. "Like you do… on peoples' birthdays…"
"Really!?" Konan was taken aback that they'd do that, when they'd only just started to get to know her. "That's so nice of you…"
"Well if you're going to get all mushy on us, forget it," Kakuzu said, half-joking.
"Fine, fine." Konan laughed and dropped it, but she was still smiling wider than normal. She hadn't had a real birthday party for years.
They went back in for lunch. Konan didn't know if she could even express it, but she was so happy to have a group of friends to sit with. It kind of felt like she was becoming part of the group… like they were making a little space for her in their established patterns, jokes, and banter.
"So, Konan," Kisame began, leaning forward across the table to see her around Hidan, who was going to absolute town on a chicken Caeser wrap, "What are you gonna do for Halloween?"
Konan blinked, pausing on chewing her meatball. "Eh? What d'you mean?" she asked, covering her mouth while trying to talk around the wodge of food in her cheeks. It came out more like Eh? Wradjuu mee?
"Sorry, sorry. So, Scooby Doo, what are you gonna do for Halloween?" Kisame said making Konan and Deidara laugh.
Konan took a ginormous swallow. "So sorry. But still, eh?"
Itachi explained. "Halloween...actually, most of the quote-unquote "traditional" holidays are really a big deal in this school. Officially, they're times for students to let off steam, be creative, whatever. Unofficially, Shizune really loves a theme, and she can talk Tsunaboobs into anything."
Konan smiled: it was pretty easy to imagine this dynamic between the headmistress and her cheeky admin assistant.
"But Halloween's always the one where everybody kind of goes the hardest. There's an academic side to it — every student creates a project that contributes to the decorations, activities, or entertainment for the event. The social side is that everybody has to dress up, no exceptions, and everyone is expected to create their own costume. There's a competition, a movie night, and a party."
Konan grinned. "That sounds kinda fun! Do you guys all know what you're going as?"
There was a collective nod.
"I'm being a super intelligent shade of the colour blue," said Kisame immediately.
"A what?"
"It's from Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. They're called Hooloovoo… anyway. Just. All blue," he finished a bit lamely, gesturing at his face.
"Oh cool," Konan said, privately thinking that it would be a pretty low-effort costume for him, since he was already mysteriously kind of blue-tinged to begin with.
Deidara was being a gender-swapped Carrie, Kakuzu was going as an oni, Hidan was going as a satanist, Itachi was going as Edward Scissorhands, Pain was going as Kazuo Kiriyama from Battle Royale, and Sasori was going as a human puppet.
"What do you think you'll do?" Deidara asked Konan.
"Um…" Konan twirled her fork around her spaghetti, thinking. "I always wanted to do LeeLoo from Fifth Element… Ooh, or Queen Amidala! Or… or I could be the Creature from the Black Lagoon… or I could be Dana Scully! Or…."
"So, a range of ideas," Sasori said drily. "I look forward to the surprise."
They spend most of the rest of the weekend reading and catching up on assignments. Konan had been set quite a few catch-up projects by her teachers, since she was joining the term late, so she shut herself in her room to start figuring those out. This didn't stop Sasori and Deidara, and on one occasion, Hidan, from strolling through to say hi, announce they were bored, and proceed to generally be annoying, but with her headphones in it was easier to ignore them.
For a break, they went out and took the bus to the village one afternoon to play darts and shoot some pool. Konan and Sasori paired up and won every game, leading Sasori to announce he would never play with anyone else, to avoid breaking his winning streak. Konan took a photo of all of them standing on top of the chain link fence surrounding the grounds, making stupid faces. It took several tries, and after the last one Shizune leaned through an upstairs window to yell at them, so they ran away laughing.
Konan led everyone in a self-care evening, and they all put on facemasks and slices of cucumber that Deidara had stolen from the kitchens, listened to Enya and pretended they were all divorcees bonding over how horrible their exes were. Itachi had sent them all into uncontrollable laughter with his pitch-perfect Long Island accent saying, "And honey, he was a downright dog I tell you. A liar and a dog."
The first evening mid-way through dinner, Pain and Hidan sloped off together for their detention. The next night, Pain had detention again. Sunday night, he didn't come for dinner at all.
"He's got detention for another night?" Sasori asked Hidan, frowning.
"Hey man, I have no idea," Hidan said. "I know something happened the first night, but we were at opposite ends of the gym. Cleaning mats and shit. I dunno what's going on with him."
Konan listened, frowning with worry. Aside from missing dinner and getting detention over and over, something was definitely up with Pain. It was like he didn't want to meet her gaze. He was never in the same room as her without someone else, now. He didn't smile at her or joke like he had on the first morning. It was starting to really bother her.
That night, Konan went to bed late after watching an episode of Hannibal with Kakuzu and Hidan. She said goodnight and slipped back into her room, shutting the door. She had a shower, brushed her teeth, changed into her pyjamas, and brushed her hair.
As she was heading back to the bathroom to hang up her towel, she heard voices in the hallway. She paused. The hall had been totally empty when she walked back from Kakuzu's dorm, so she wondered who was up.
"You just getting back?" It was Sasori's voice. Quiet, but still audible in the silent dorm.
"Yeah." Pain's voice.
"What were you doing?"
"Detention. Reorganizing the weight room. Assembling some shelves."
"Fun," Sasori said sarcastically. Then, more seriously, "Hidan only got one night of detention. What are you doing going back over and over?"
Konan slid silently down to the floor and leaned against her door, listening. She knew it was a private conversation and she shouldn't… But Pain had been distant with her since the first day, and she wanted to know why.
Aside from wanting to know if she'd done something to piss him off, or if something else was wrong, if she was being totally honest, she missed him. She'd just met him, but she missed his easy smile when she looked at him.
He had been colder… He was in detention because of her. Maybe if she knew why, she could apologize.
"The first night, we were all together. Those guys… Zaku and his friend." Pain's voice was so low it was barely audible. "We were cleaning the gym mats. Asuma was supervising."
Konan heard Sasori laugh quietly. "Supervising? Just smoking, right?"
"Yeah. I played shōgi with him after… But he made me work with Zaku. And that kid just kept saying all this shit, just—" His voice had risen a little, angry, but he let out a breath and was quiet again. "You know."
"About Konan?"
Pain didn't say anything.
"So…"
"So, I punched him. Chipped his tooth on the bleachers, actually."
Sasori whistled. "Didn't think he could get uglier, but there's always further to fall I guess."
Pain half-chuckled. He sounded exhausted.
"Anyway, he started bitching about it until Asuma let him go to the nurse's office. And I got another detention. And so did Zaku because he was 'antagonizing' me, Asuma said. And 'cause he fought back. A little."
"How come Hidan didn't get detention again too? I'd say he'd fight his own mother if he was feeling edgy."
"He was across the gym, he didn't hear anything. Zaku only said it to me."
"Why?"
A pause. Pain mumbled something Konan couldn't quite hear. "Dunno why," or "You know why."
"I think I'm starting to see the problem."
"Pretty much."
"Man, this really isn't like you. Can't you just… you know… ignore him? Just get through it? You don't want to be in detention the whole year."
Pain was quiet for a minute. Konan pressed her ear to the door, eyes closed, holding her breath. "No, I can't," he said finally, even more quietly.
"Wear headphones?" Sasori suggested, clearly joking.
"Maybe, actually. Asuma would probably let me wear them. He wouldn't notice."
"There you go," Sasori said brightly. After a moment, Konan heard him get up. He paused, then said, "...Don't stay up too late, hey? You're horrible company in the morning if you don't sleep."
"And you're not?" Pain asked, a smile clear in his voice. "Yeah, yeah. I'll just be a minute. Go say goodnight."
Konan listened to Sasori's footsteps as he walked to Deidara's room and swung his door open. Light flared under her door for a second, then disappeared with the click of the latch. Konan chewed her lower lip for a few seconds, wondering — Would it be okay? Will he mind? — before she got up and silently padded to her chair, wriggling into her oversize black hoodie and tucking her hands inside the sleeves to keep warm.
She opened her door quietly, just a crack at first, to let him know she was coming out. She saw him sitting, leaning against his own bedroom door, elbows propped on his knees, hands raking through his hair. She opened the door wider and the glow of soft light from her bedside lamp sliced a beam across his knees, his forearm, the side of his face. He squinted in the light, dropped his head. She was gripped by a momentary hesitation, then pushed through.
"Hey," she murmured. She shut the door behind her again, not wanting the light to disturb anyone else. She padded over to him slowly. "Is it okay if I…?"
She didn't finish the question, but he nodded anyway. His eyes were unfocused, dropped to his knees. She squatted next to him.
They stayed like that for a while. It could have been five minutes. Could have been ten. Konan sat down fully when her thighs started to ache. Pain's breathing slowed and deepened. She wondered if he was falling asleep. She didn't mind. It was kind of nice just to be near him. He calmed her down, somehow. Her own breathing slowed, too.
"Hey," she murmured.
"Mm?"
"Have you been… avoiding me a little bit?"
A pause. A tiny sigh. Konan took that to mean that he knew what she was talking about. That she wasn't just paranoid.
"Did I do something that bothered you? Or did I say something wrong?"
She felt him shake his head next to her. "Of course not," he whispered.
"Okay." She waited for a few seconds, but he didn't continue. She bit her lips, piecing together what she wanted to say. "I… I had fun with you, on my first day. I mean, it's been good since then too, but… You won't look at me. Not really. You don't talk to me, just us, like this, anymore." She hugged her knees, tried to find his eyes in the dark. "I kind of miss you."
Pain was quiet for a few seconds. He sighed. "I'm sorry I made you feel… like I didn't want to talk with you," he murmured. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. I don't want to… I really don't. But…"
Konan closed her eyes, feeling a knot of anxiety on her stomach loosen. "Is it because of that fight? With…" She trailed off. Pain's shadowy profile had tensed slightly.
"Kind of."
"Talk to me," she said softly, looking at him. "Please."
Pain let out his breath in a quiet laugh. "You're so…" He didn't finish the thought, but he did turn his head to look back at her, finally. She could just make out his serious expression in the darkness.
"I could've killed that guy. I wanted to," he said flatly. "And… I hate that you saw me like that. I don't usually get in fights or anything." His voice was quieter. He sounded ashamed. "I have detention with him. And he pisses me off. He says things…" He shifted beside her, looked away. "Anyway. But I'm just.. angry. All the time, whenever I think about it. And I don't want you to see me like that. I don't want you to think of me like that."
Konan stayed quiet for a minute, taking that in. Then she said, her voice quiet and firm, "I don't think of you like that. And I never will."
Pain was silent for a moment. Then — "Promise?" Konan could tell he was smiling a little.
"Promise," she whispered.
"Okay."
Silence fell between them again, but it was a more comfortable one now. Konan sighed, feeling lighter than she had in days. Pain seemed to have unwound a few notches next to her too. She felt him shift imperceptibly closer as he relaxed back against the door. They stayed quiet, sitting side by side in the dark.
As the minutes lengthened, Konan found herself leaning towards him, millimeter by millimeter, terrified but also excited by the possibility that her sleeve might brush his arm…
She was a little scared of how much she wanted to be near him. It was like she was caught in an orbit around him, spiraling closer and closer and closer. Caught in the pull of his gravity. The gap between them felt like a magnetic sensory threshold, an unbreakable space heavy with potential.
Pain shifted sideways. His arm pressed against her shoulder.
Konan stopped breathing for a second. She was hyper aware of her body. It felt like the place where they touched was warm with electricity.
She closed her eyes and breathed in. He was sweaty. He didn't smell bad. Just more… him. His deodorant. The faint smoky scent she now knew came from his hours working on his woodburning projects. Laundry detergent on his sweater.
Carefully, so slowly she was barely moving second to second, ready at any moment to jump up and pretend she'd been falling asleep, Konan's head was tipping down, until she found his shoulder and rested it there. She heard a tiny intake of breath from Pain, but he didn't shake her off. His shoulders lowered, and he exhaled. Konan relaxed against him.
She had come out wanting to talk to him. To tell him it was okay. That she appreciated him standing up for her. That she missed smiling with him and having fun with him. That she was sad to see him stressed and unhappy. That he didn't have to keep fighting for her. That she was touched that he had been, without her knowing. That he made her feel safe. That somehow, she felt more at home here with him than she had in a long time.
But she didn't want to break the silence. So she thought all of these things, spoke them silently into the dark hallway, hoping he felt what she wanted to say. That by touching, they could read each other's minds, and he could hear what she was thinking.
Thank you. You don't have to do that anymore. It's okay. It's okay now.
A while later, so long that Konan had started thinking she really might fall asleep right there in the hallway, Pain tilted his head down towards her. She felt his breath on her forehead, the ghost of his cheek brush against her hair.
"Thanks," he whispered. She was so sleepy she didn't feel the swoop in her stomach until he was already pulling away.
He got to his feet, stretched, and held his hands out to help her up. She wrinkled her nose.
"My butt's asleep," she whispered in answer to his questioning look. He laughed quietly.
"Good night," she murmured, looking up at him.
Pain paused for a second, gazing at her like he was on the precipice of something. Saying something? Hugging her? Then he reached out a hand and ruffled her hair.
"Hey!" Konan laughed, smoothing her hair back down.
He grinned down at her. "Good night."
Konan went back to her room, shut the door behind her. She leaned against it for a second. Gathering her thoughts felt like calling birds home to a dovecote. Waiting, alone and empty, and then suddenly dozens of winged things flapping back inside, making sense of the space. Her feet on the cool hall floor. Pain's head in his hands. Sitting next to him. Their arms pressed together. Her head on his shoulder. His lips brushing over her hair.
She dove into bed and rolled herself up in her blanket. As exhausted as she had been a minute ago, her heart was pounding so hard now she couldn't have gone to sleep if she tried.