Konan lay awake, her mind racing.

Calm down, calm down… Maybe Pain didn't notice. He's probably not even thinking about it. Just because I called him a really good friend doesn't mean I ONLY think of him as a friend. He's not silly enough to take that seriously, right? If he thinks he's being friendzoned, would he be mad at me, though? Only if he were even like 2% interested in me… I mean, he shouldn't be mad, that's so immature… but he's 17! He's immature! He's a teenage boy and teenage boys are so stupid! Argh!

Eventually she gave up on sleep. There was a soft beam of light glowing under the door to Sasori's room, and she could hear sounds like he was moving around, so she got up and padded over to it and knocked softly

"Hey," she said as she opened the door, "Could you give me some advice…." Konan trailed off, realizing what she had walked in on.

Sasori was on his knees on the bed, head buried between Deidara's bent legs, gripping his thighs, a muffled groan spilling from his lips as Deidara's hips thrust upwards. Deidara was naked, gasping, back arched, one hand fisted in Sasori's hair, the other desperately clutching the headboard.

As soon as he noticed her, there was a wet pop and Sasori lifted his head and looked around, his arms still wrapped around Deidara's thighs.

"Hey, Konan," he said, panting.

Deidara yelled and fumbled to cover himself with the blanket.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Konan squeaked, zipping back out the door and slamming it after her.

She dove back into bed, her cheeks burning. After a few seconds, she heard the boys laughing, and then the sounds started again, and now that she knew what they were, it became much harder to just ignore them and try to sleep.

She glared sourly at her alarm clock: 3:20 am. She got out of bed with a sigh, grabbed her headphones and opened her laptop.

Rewatching Hannibal it is…

–

Pain couldn't sleep.

He'd spent the last couple hours doing everything he could to deal with the first of his concerns — he'd swapped his SIM cards back, ordered a new phone for Konan, reconfirmed and re-upped his privacy settings on all his public accounts, swapping VPN locations before he started researching her dad and his company — but had hit a wall and was now ruminating on his second concern.

'You're a really good friend.'

He chewed his thumb, thinking. After a minute, he figured since he was awake anyhow, he might as well try and talk it out.

He pulled his hoodie on, grabbed his keys, and headed out of the dorm. He unlocked 5b and headed down the hall to Sasori's room. There was a line of light glowing under the door.

Does that guy ever sleep? Saves me waking him up and pissing him off, though.

He knocked once and swung the door open.

"Hey, I need to talk to you—"

Sasori was naked on the bed, facing away, knees apart and sunk into the mattress, Deidara between them, legs spread loosely, back pressed against the headboard. One of Deidara's hands was gripping Sasori's asscheek as he thrust forwards; the other was stroking his cock as Sasori fucked his mouth.

Sasori had barely looked around and said "Hi!" when Pain shut the door with a loud "Oh, gross!"

Nope, nope, nope, not what I needed to see… Why doesn't he ever put a fucking sock on the doorhandle!?

He got back to his room and flopped onto the bed, but every time he closed his eyes, he saw Sasori's ass.

Ugh. Why does being friends with them come with such a high cost? I run the risk of taking psychic damage every time I go through that door…

Pain rolled over, grabbed his laptop and headphones, and sighed. He and Konan had been talking about Hannibal the other day, and now was as good a time as any for a rewatch.

He pressed play on the last episode he'd been watching. Will Graham's sweaty, haunted face shone on the screen as he awoke, shaking, from a nightmare.

Me too, Will. Me too.

—

At six thirty in the morning, Sasori opened the door to Konan's room and prodded her awake.

"Hmfgh?" she grunted, squinting at him through crusty eyes.

"You wanted to talk?" Sasori asked, sitting on the bed.

"Oh. Yeah…" Konan fumbled around, shutting her laptop and pulling out her earphones. She'd fallen asleep after about 3 episodes.

"Is it a private talk?"

"Uh huh…" Konan rubbed her head, trying to remember what she wanted to talk about.

"We can get breakfast early and take it to go. Wanna go for a walk?"

"Okay."

Sasori grinned at her. "I'll get coffee and stuff and meet you back here in 20 minutes. Take a shower and get dressed, Sleeping Beauty." He ruffled her hair.

"Thanks…"

Sasori was just leaving when Konan's brain finally kicked into gear. "Sorry about last night…"

He smirked at her from the door. "No worries. Got yourself a real good look, though, didn't you? You pervert."

Konan reddened. "I didn't mean to..!"

" Sure you didn't," Sasori said before shutting the door with a wink.

Konan crawled out of bed and got in the shower. By the time she had got out, brushed her hair and teeth and was starting to dress, Sasori was back with a paper bag that smelled like heaven, and two steaming mugs of coffee. He clicked his tongue when he saw she was still only half dressed.

"You're so slow!"

"And you're watching me dress. Who's the pervert now?" she asked, too sleepy to bother about Sasori seeing her in her panties. At this point… who even cares…?

"Wow, okay. Guess I'll drink both of these," Sasori said. waving the steaming mugs.

"No, no, no! I was only joking!" Konan backtracked immediately, and Sasori laughed.

Konan pulled on her wool tights and skirt and shrugged on a sweater over her uniform, and followed Sasori down the stairs and out the main doors, which were unlocked at 7:00.

They headed outside, their breath fogging before them as they drank their coffee and shared the toasted bagels with cream cheese Sasori had brought, passing Tsunade who was leaning against the wall, Starbucks in hand, talking on the phone.

"So, what was so important you had to come barging into my room at three in the morning?" Sasori asked gamely, taking a huge bite of bagel.

Konan wiped cream cheese from the side of his mouth with a napkin. ("Thanks, mom," he said, mouth full.)

"I mean, when you put it like that… it's not that important. But I don't know who else to talk to about it. They'd probably think I'm being stupid."

"But I won't?" Sasori asked, eyebrows raised.

Konan paused. "I mean you probably will, but like… I feel like you don't respect me anyways, so I can hardly go down in your eyes."

"Aw! I respect you!" Sasori said in surprise. Then, after a pause, "I mean I don't show it, but…"

Konan laughed, "Well, whatever. I guess I figure if you make fun of me, it won't hurt my feelings because you make fun of me all the time regardless."

"Okay, fair. So, what is it?"

Konan pulled her sleeves down further to cover her hands, and took another sip of coffee, wondering how honest to be.

"Before I tell you, and totally on a different subject…" she began, "Aside from Deidara, do you tell all of the others everything? Like are you really, really close with everybody?"

Sasori frowned at her, chewing suspiciously. "Uh… In what way?"

"I mean, I'm talking to you right now, rather than say, Kakuzu. Because I like him a lot, but I'd say I'm closer with you so far, you know? Like, I trust you. And you said you'd be my brother, so…" she trailed off shyly.

"Awww!" He looked genuinely touched. "Stop, that's so cute."

"But, so, who are you closest to?"

"Pain and Deidara," Sasori said with a shrug. "Then probably Itachi."

"Gotcha."

That's what she'd thought. And that meant that if she said anything about Pain specifically, Sasori would surely tell his best friend.

I'll try keep it vague and casual…

"Okay, so… This is the thing. And please don't tell anyone else!"

"Okay," Sasori said, sitting down on a low stone wall and finishing his bagel.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Konan sighed and steeled herself for impending embarrassment.

"Okay. Hypothetically speaking… If you, as a guy, were told by a friend, as a compliment , that you're a "really good friend"… what would you think?"

"That they think I'm a really good friend," Sasori answered with a shrug.

"Would you think they liked you?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Just as a friend?"

"Probably?"

"And, hypothetically speaking," Konan said, pacing back and forth, gesturing with the end of a bagel, "Would you think that if they had really liked you as more than a friend, that they wouldn't have said that, and so, might you assume that if they did say that then they don't like you as more than a friend?"

Sasori looked bewildered for a second and then laughed at her.

"What? These are valid, important questions! Questions for… research!" she said, folding her arms.

"Research, huh?" Sasori asked with a shit-eating grin.

"Yeah!"

"And, just to check, you're not asking this because you accidentally friendzoned yourself with someone you like?"

Konan stopped pacing and her jaw dropped. "Is that what you think!? Is that what it sounds like!? Did I friendzone myself!?"

"I thought this was all hypothetical?" Sasori asked, shit-eating grin widening.

Konan stared at him for a second. He'd got her.

"Ugh, fine," she sighed and sat down heavily on the wall next to him.

"Sooo…." Sasori said, still grinning broadly, leaning in conspiratorially, "Who is it?"

Konan felt herself going red. "I can't tell you," she mumbled.

Sasori blinked at her. "Why not? It's Pain, isn't it?"

Konan gaped at him.

Sasori smirked back at her. "Bingo."

"How did you know!?" she squeaked when she'd found her voice.

Sasori raised his eyebrows, taking another big bite of bagel. "Girl, you're not that subtle," he said through his mouthful. "It's like asking whether Buddy from Elf likes Christmas."

Konan pressed her hands to her face. "Please, please tell me you're joking."

Let the ground swallow me up right now… let me die…

"I'm joking," Sasori said, patting her shoulder. "You're just not very hard to read."

Thanks," she said sourly through her hands. "Does Pain know, too!?"

Sasori tilted his head to the side, licking cream cheese from the edge of his mouth.

"Hmm… Good question. He's not totally unobservant," he mused, "So… maybe. But he might be second-guessing himself. And, to be fair, we've all only known you for like three weeks. It's not really long enough to be able to tell if someone acts differently around you… unless you're a genius like me, of course."

Konan knew she must be bright red. "I don't suppose you'd tell me if you knew whether or not he likes me?" she asked into her coffee mug.

"You'd suppose right. I do have some loyalty, and Pain is my best friend."

"Right," Konan sighed, looking at the grass.

"For my part, I do think you're exactly his type."

Konan gave him a half-smile. "Thanks. That's nice of you to say."

Sasori frowned at her. "It's true."

"Well thanks," Konan said, finishing her coffee. "I guess it's a moot point anyway. I friendzoned myself, as you said."

Sasori was still frowning at her, but he followed her lead and got up, folding up the empty bagel bag. They started walking back to the main door.

"You can bounce back from that," he said with a shrug.

"How?"

"You'll think of something."

Konan rolled her eyes. "The only reason I'm asking you , opening myself up to this humiliation in the first place, is because I can't think of something. You don't have any ideas?"

"Gee, I don't know, how about asking him out?" Sasori said sarcastically.

"I can't… Like you said, he hasn't known me that long. He'd think I'm crazy," she muttered. "I just… I don't want him to think that I don't think of him as more than a friend."

"You're a pretty impatient person, huh?"

"Kinda!"

"So this is what Deidara complains about," Sasori muttered, grinning.

He watched her tap her fingers anxiously on her coffee mug for a few seconds, his expression uncharacteristically unreadable.

"Do you want actual advice?" he asked.

"Yes, please."

"Keep spending time with him, one-on-one. He likes that. And, even to a total moron, that comes off as hey, I like being together with you, specifically you. Not a bad place to start."

Konan nodded slowly, fiddling with her sleeves.

"What are you worried about?" Sasori asked.

Konan bit her lips. "Mmm… I guess… I'm scared in case I'm ruining things. I'm scared to lose him as a friend. If he doesn't like me back, and things get awkward… or if we somehow did get together, and we broke up, I'd…" She looked sideways at Sasori. "I'd lose you in the divorce. I'd lose all of you, and... I'm so scared of that."

Sasori gave her a friendly nudge with his shoulder. "We wouldn't evict you, you know."

"You're his best friend. I would lose you."

Sasori glanced at her swiftly. He didn't answer, but she knew she was right.

"Were you and Deidara friends before you started dating?" she asked.

Sasori blinked, apparently surprised by the question. "Uhh… Kind of."

"Kind of?"

Sasori looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh… He was Pain's friend. I was just kind of… hitting on him all the time. At first."

Konan was trying hard not to smile — Sasori was embarrassed!

"But yeah, we became friends, after a while."

"You weren't scared of losing him as a friend if things didn't work out?"

Sasori poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, looking at her thoughtfully. She worried maybe her question could come off as judgemental. She rephrased to what she really wanted to know.

"When did you know… that it was worth the risk?"

Sasori gazed at her for another moment. "Probably when just being his friend, as good as it was, became unbearable."

Konan blinked. "What do you mean?"

Sasori tapped his fingers on his coffee mug and looked out at the fields.

"When Deidara came to the school, I asked him out immediately, over and over. I was basically harassing him, honestly," he said kind of ruefully, scratching his cheek.

"At first I was pretty much just having fun. He was super hot, really fun to tease, and I kinda just wanted to hook up with him. It felt like a challenge, to make him admit he liked me."

He genuinely looked kind of ashamed of himself, like he couldn't believe he had ever thought of Deidara like that.

"But then we spent more time together, and I really got to know him… We did become friends. And… I became completely obsessed with him, honestly," Sasori said with a little laugh, hands in his pockets.

"It was like he was all I could see, all I could think about. I mean, I still wanted to fuck his brains out, obviously," he said, like he was saying that water is wet.

"Naturally," Konan said, nodding.

"...But eventually it got to a point, about three months after we met, maybe, where even though it would have completely killed me to lose him, lose his friendship… his laugh, talking to him, the way he took up so much fucking space in my head, in my life… The fact that he wasn't mine in the way I wanted, that I couldn't touch him, hold him…" Sasori closed his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek, like he was reliving that frustration.

Konan's heart was pounding harder just listening to him. Have I ever loved anybody like this!? Will I ever love anybody so much?

"Frankly, it was a very different situation than yours. Deidara knew I was fucking dying for him, he couldn't not know. But he didn't think…" Sasori broke off, took a breath, and started again, his voice quieter, like this was hard for him to relive for her.

"He thought I wasn't serious about him. And he was scared of how he felt about me. But in the end," Sasori shrugged, "I just kept trying to convince him. I stopped caring if it pissed him off, if it made him run away from me."

"Basically, the fact that there was a chance, however small, that I could get everything I wanted in the world, eventually got so hard to ignore that I just stopped caring about any possible what-if losses. The possibility of being with him was literally driving me crazy. I would have done anything, risked everything. Because the idea that if there was a chance for us to be together, and the only reason we never got together was that I didn't fight harder for it, that I held back, was worse than losing everything… even him."

"Wow." Konan stared at him.

Sasori shrugged and sipped his coffee. Konan watched a flock of geese fly overhead, heading for the lake.

"Thanks for telling me that," she said.

Sasori had turned a little pink. He kept his gaze down on his coffee.

"No big deal. I mean, everyone else already knows all about it."

Konan grinned and shoulder butted him gently. "You cutie. You're so in wuuuuv, huh?"

Sasori snorted with laughter. "Um, I think you're jealous?"

Konan shrugged. "I mean… yeah, kind of. You guys seem really happy. And you have a beautiful love story."

"Not if you ask Deidara about it," Sasori said, rolling his eyes, but unable to hide his smile. "He gets hung up on the details."

"Your campaign of harassment?" Konan guessed.

"Details."

Konan smirked. "Maybe I will ask him about it. Get an unbiased version."

Sasori laughed. "Do what you want. He gets embarrassed if he has to talk about it. But don't think for a second it's gonna be unbiased. He hated my guts for about a month and a half."

Konan laughed.

Anyway," Sasori said, changing the subject back as they walked up to the school entrance, "When it comes to Pain… You could save yourself a whole lot of trouble by just going to his room, taking off your top, and showing him your nipple piercings." Sasori snorted. "I think he'd have an aneurism."

"Yeah right!" Konan said, startled into laughter again.

"You think I'm not serious!?" Sasori smirked, but before Konan could make another retort, the warning bell for first period rang. They stepped inside to find Deidara walking up to them, holding Sasori's bag as well as his own.

" There you are, hm. What have you been doing? You hate being late— mmh!"

Deidara's scolding was cut off abruptly when Sasori pulled him down into a deep kiss. When they broke apart, Deidara was grinning and Sasori's dreamy eyes were triumphant and heated.

"Um… I'm gonna go to class…" Konan said, scooting past them awkwardly.

She was pretty certain that re-living the story of how they had got together had put some ideas in Sasori's head, and she sure didn't need to be around for the results this time.

"Have fun!" she waved, "And Deidara, I'm sorry about last night!"

"Oh fuck, right, that's— hey!" Deidara said in surprise as Sasori pulled him by his tie back out the front doors.

—

Pain was in the metalshop, working on his Halloween installation when Sasori found him after classes ended for the day.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said, leaning against the doorframe, holding two big cups of coffee.

Pain grinned and got up. "One of those had better be for me."

"It's your lucky day," Sasori said, passing him the one full of black coffee. "You wanted to talk before, right?"

Pain nodded, taking a long grateful sip of coffee. "Yeah. Why don't you put a fricking sock on your handle, or put up a sign or something? Or hey, crazy thought, lock your door?" he asked as they headed for the equipment cage exit. "I really don't need to see you frolicking as much as I do."

Sasori smirked. " So sorry."

"Yeah, that's a sincere apology," Pain muttered, but he grinned in spite of himself as they headed out across the field.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about so desperately that you had to spoil me and Deidara's one year anniversary?" Sasori asked.

"It's not your anniversary yet, liar."

Sasori smirked. "Not that kind of anniversary."

Pain rolled his eyes. "I hate that I know this, but it's not that anniversary yet either."

Sasori laughed in surprise. "Wow, you really are my best friend."

"Yes. I'm your incredibly long-suffering best friend, who has seen many things I wish I hadn't."

They headed for their usual spot on the bleachers, climbed up and sat on the top. Pain was half-way through his coffee. After such a long night, it felt good to be outside again; the cool wind ruffling his hair and stinging his face woke him up a bit.

"Okay," he began. "I have two things I wanted to talk to you about. The first is a lot more important… at some point it might be necessary to tell the others, but for the moment, I'm just telling you."

"Ooh, I feel special."

"Yeah, yeah." Pain waved an impatient hand. "Okay. So last night, Konan told me some stuff about her family..."

Pain summarized the important parts of the conversation, as Sasori's eyebrows slowly raised higher and higher on his forehead.

"I ordered a new phone for her. It's blue, so if she's taking a picture of you with the black one, just… remind her, I guess," Pain finished with a shrug.

Sasori gave a low whistle. "Do you think… Like, with her dad, is it bad-bad, or he's just controlling? I mean, I don't agree with it, but there is the argument that as a parent he feels he has a right to know what his daughter's doing on her phone, to protect her." He glanced at Pain. "Or do you think it's something worse?"

Pain shook his head, frowning over his coffee. "Man, I dunno. From what she said about their relationship and all that stuff with her old friends, it seems at the very least he's a pretty ruthless guy in terms of controlling his daughter's movements wherever possible, and particularly who she spends time with."

He bit his thumb thoughtfully. "He also has a lot of power over the people working for him, even in their personal lives. At the very least, they're definitely not unionized," he said, shaking his head with a snort.

"Other than that, I'm not sure. I did some digging — it's not really my specialty so if anything else happens, I might ask Itachi to look into it, but from a quick look, the company is pretty opaque. Very little publicly available information on it."

Pain shrugged. "That's not necessarily odd for a privately-owned company in biotech and stuff. They fund various research projects at universities and research centers around the world. Stuff on cancer treatments, some tech stuff, but mostly bioengineering, etc. All the language on their website is about 'pushing the envelope,' 'leading the way to the future,' 'standing at the cutting edge of destiny,' that kind of crap."

Sasori whistled. "Fancy."

Pain nodded. "Oh yeah. So her dad's gotta be pretty fucking loaded, and you'd think he'd be well-known, going to conferences and yacht parties and benefits. Rubbing shoulders. Except he's not, at least nowhere near anybody with a camera. The guy's a ghost. He doesn't even have a Wikipedia page."

"What?" Sasori asked in surprise.

"There's one photo of him on Google. One, and it's from twenty years ago. Which is crazy, because he must go to conferences and shit. Anybody on the Forbes list or whatever is photographed places, but maybe he has people to lean on to stop them getting out!? I have no idea. He doesn't do interviews, doesn't do presentations at conferences, never arrested, never testified in court, nothing." Pain shrugged. "I mean, none of that has to be sinister, it's just kind of odd. But, in the meantime, new phone for Konan."

"Yeah… That sounds good," said Sasori, visibly a bit creeped out.

Pain patted him on the back. "One problem at a time, buddy."

"Right. Okay. Happy to chip in on the phone if it means I'm not gonna get doxxed or whatever "

"Thanks. And like… could you not tell Konan about any of that? I don't think she knows that stuff."

Sasori quirked an eyebrow. "She's kind of naïve, huh?"

Pain shrugged."Maybe. But… I think it's tough if that's your own parent. The things that look weird to an outsider might not be weird to their semi-estranged kid, whose dad has always been this way. It just seems like such a fucked up relationship to have, where he's super distant — barely any direct contact, no real conversations, he doesn't know her at all — but at the same time, he's watching everything she does, controlling where she goes, who she knows."

He shook his head. "I don't blame her for being more focused on her mom. And that's a whole other can of weird."

"What's up with her mom?" Sasori asked.

"Again, there's like no trace of her in the public records after she got married. There's a picture of her from like 1985. Miss Japan contestant."

"Nice."

"Yeah, it was cute. And then she got married to Konan's dad. Nao Ame marries Shin Arakaki, 1986. And then she disappears."

Sasori's eyebrows drew together. "Uh… how does a person just disappear?"

"Dunno. Konan says she's been sick for a really long time. It sounds like she's hardly left the hospital. Physical illnesses, mental illnesses, illnesses with no diagnosis… Seems like her husband pays for treatment at a private clinic, but even that's fucking weird. He could pay to have her get treatment at home. He has the money, but he doesn't do it."

Pain leaned in, speaking even quieter. " Plus, he put Konan in a private clinic for tests, transfusions, injections… before sending her here. And apparently he does that a lot, even if nothing's wrong with her."

Sasori looked weirded out. "Kinda creepy," he said.

"You're telling me," Pain said, rubbing his face. "Anyway, so that's the first thing I wanted to talk to you about."

"And the second thing? As your best friend in the world, you come seeking my advice… what can I do for you?" Sasori asked, striking a dignified little pose, like a venerable sage on a mountain top.

Pain raised an eyebrow. "...Nevermind."

"Oh come on," Sasori said, dropping the act, but Pain was already laughing.

"Okay, okay, so the thing about Konan's phone, that's secret obviously, but this is like… more secret, okay?"

"Let me guess, could this be about your huge crush on Konan?" Sasori asked.

Pain was taken aback for a second, then just rolled his eyes and gave a massive, long-suffering sigh.

When I became friends with this guy, did I black out and sign some kind of deal with the devil?

"You know what? I fucking hate you," Pain said as Sasori laughed. "I don't want to ask how you know, because it's gonna be something really annoying and hurtful…"

True to form, Sasori immediately put on a stupid voice and said, "Ooh, is your lock broken? Let me fix it with my big strong hands and my toolbox full of tools, look how helpful and capable I am… Ooh, which nasty perverts have been spying on Konan in the shower, boo hoo hoo, why am I the only one who hasn't seen anything, even though I want to soooo badly… Oooh Konan, check out my motorbike, aren't I such a cool sexy badboy… Oooh lemme just stare at her all the time with a stupid grin on my face like a big dumb marshmallow baby…"

"Oh shut up," Pain said, shoving Sasori sideways. "I knew you'd be a huge dickhead about this."

Sasori was still laughing.

"Okay, okay, are you gonna stop taking the fucking piss and give me advice, or am I going to have to tell Deidara about the promise ring you have waiting for him in your sock drawer…?"

"Hey!" Sasori said. "Okay fine, fine. What do you want me to tell you? What kind of underwear she's wearing today? What her nipple piercings look like? Because they are…" He blew a chef's kiss.

"You already told me about them, thanks very fucking much. Why did you tell me right in front of her!?" Pain groaned, putting his head in his hands, still embarrassed, "I couldn't look at her the whole rest of the night! And I mean, I already couldn't look at her…"

Sasori drained his coffee. "Yeah, I know."

"Wait, wait, how do you know what underwear she's wearing today!?"

Sasori just grinned at him. "No big reason."

Pain rolled his eyes. "Aw man…" He sighed heavily, raking a hand through his hair.

"So, you're pretty hung up about her, huh?" Sasori asked mildly, watching him.

Pain flopped sideways against him with a groan. "She's driving me crazy. She's so easy to talk to, and she's so nice, and funny, and fucking cute… ugh ."

"There, there," Sasori said flatly, patting him on the head.

"Come on, I'm seriously asking for advice from my best friend. You so owe me from the hours I spent listening to you moan about Deidara last year. The least you could do is pretend to care," Pain said sourly.

Sasori sat up straight, immediately focused and enthusiastic. "True that. Okay, taking it seriously. What's up, bestie? I am here for you."

Pain snorted. "Okay, thank you. Now, as a preface— I don't really believe in the friendzone…"

Sasori bit his lips together, apparently to stop himself from laughing.

So much for taking it seriously, Pain thought, but ignored it.

"Anyway, you know me, I'm not like those guys who are like, oh this girl only thinks of me as a friend, what a bitch, now I'm gonna be a pissy baby forever, friendship sucks, she owes me love, blah blah blah…" Pain made a face. "No. Friends are very important. I love being a good friend to people, and I'm very happy that Konan thinks I'm a good friend, and no matter what, friendship in any form is a blessing…"

Sasori was obviously killing himself trying not to laugh.

"That being said…" Pain said, catching Sasori's eye and laughing in spite of himself. "So, I took her out on the bike for her birthday, and it was really fun, she had a great time. Then we started talking about her parents, which was kind of a bummer (my fault, I asked her). Talked about that. And then she said, 'you're a really good friend'."

Pain shrugged and took another sip of coffee. "So, I'm like 95% sure that that was all it meant — I was being a good friend to her, so she said so. I appreciate that she thinks so. But in your opinion… Do you get the vibe that she might think of me as more than a friend, or do you think definitely not, this was her shutting down any energy I was putting out, letting me know we are totally platonic which would be fine , but—"

"But… the nipple piercings…" Sasori said dreamily. Pain kicked him in the shin and he burst out laughing.

"Okay, okay. In my totally unbiased opinion—" Sasori began.

"What do you mean, unbiased? You're my best friend! Be biased! I need reassurance!" Pain said jokingly.

"Right, well from a totally observational standpoint, Konan sure spends a lot of time with you, for 'just friends' ."

Pain snorted. "Actually, I think she spends the most time with you, mister don't-put-a-lock-on-my-door-to-Konan's-room…"

Sasori grinned. "Everybody needs friends, man."

"Why does she need my friend though?" Pain laughed, half-joking.

"Come on man, think of the possibilities here," Sasori said, swinging an arm around Pain's shoulders. "Think about it. If I'm her friend and your friend, I can give you inside info."

Pain grinned. "As sleazy and suspicious as you can be…"

"Ouch."

"...I kinda think that especially if it were something she thought you'd keep secret, you wouldn't tell me."

Sasori smiled. "And there's the compliment I've been waiting for. You're right, I wouldn't tell you something secret… not that she's told me anything, obviously," he added quickly.

The rugby team was walking out onto the field to start practice. Pain and Sasori scooted further up the bleachers to avoid the players' friends who were coming out to watch.

"Okay, what were we talking about?" Sasori said, settled at the top and zipping up his coat as the wind picked up.

"Konan."

"Oh yeah. Okay, yes, she spends a lot of time with me, totally not in a romantic way…"

"Promise you're not recruiting her for a polycule?"

Sasori tugged at his lower lip with his thumb. "Um… no. How do I say this… Objectively, Konan's cute, sure," Sasori said, talking over Pain's splutter of ' I didn't think you'd take the question seriously!' "But you know how jealous I get, and more to the point, you know how jealous Deidara gets."

"Oof… yeah."

"So, for our own happiness, sanity, and the safety of others… it's a closed relationship."

Pain laughed. "Thank fucking god."

"Anyway, Konan and I hang, but she's never talked about her family with me. If she's opening up about that with you, that sounds like a good sign, right? She trusts you." Sasori said reasonably. "And didn't you say something about having a nice conversation with her about your detentions?"

Pain sighed, and couldn't stop himself from smiling. "Yeah, it was really nice. I was hanging out in the hall after you saw me come back that time, and she came out for a drink of water or something, and she sat down next to me, and…" He scratched his cheek, looking away from Sasori to try and hide his smile.

"I dunno, man, it was just really… really nice… I wasn't really talking, and she said 'Talk to me' so I did… and just like…" He sighed again.

Sasori's eyes flicked left and right like he thought he was being filmed for a prank.

"Um, hello? What's with the dreamy sighs and the blushing and the tee-heeing? She sat next to you and said 'talk to me'!? That's it!?"

Pain shoved him gently. "Come on, it was really nice of her. And then she, like, leaned her head on my shoulder, and she smelled so good , and I felt like I was going crazy because I just wanted to kiss her…"

Sasori mimed being sick over the back of the bleachers and Pain laughed.

"Well if you two had that magical moment together," Sasori said sarcastically, "How could you be thinking she sees you as just a friend? She's not snuggling up to me telling me everything's gonna be okay… which I would appreciate , actually, my life is very hard…"

Pain snorted with laughter again. "She's really sweet, she'd probably do it if you asked her. But anyway," he said, leaning closer to Sasori so the girls a couple rows below them couldn't hear, "You think she might be into me?"

"Based on the evidence…," Sasori tilted his head to one side. "Wellll… she could just be kind of oblivious and think you're her best friend."

"Oh," Pain said, slightly deflated.

"But here's the part where I'm your best friend," Sasori said, giving Pain a poke. "I was going to keep this to myself… You know how I hate to gossip…"

"You're a paragon of virtue," Pain grinned.

"...And you know how good I am at reading people…"

"Sherlock Holmes could never ."

"Exactly. You remember that day you beat up that guy?"

"I do vaguely remember that, yeah. It fucking sucked."

"And I took Konan away from the fight?"

"Yeah…"

"And you and Hidan joined us outside the boy's hall, and you were really angry, y'know, eyes all dark, panting, fists clenched, muscles flexing, knuckles like you'd been punching a shark, etc, and then you stormed off in a huff without saying a word to her…"

Sasori examined his nails, clearly enjoying himself.

Drama queen.

Pain scowled. "I mean, you don't have to spell out that I was a huge dickhead, but yeah."

Sasori looked him full in the face, wearing his biggest shitbird smirk.

"I have never seen anybody more obviously thirsting for someone as much as Konan was when she was looking at you looking like that. I thought her eyes were going to fall out of her head."

Pain gaped at him. Sasori grinned and slapped him on the back. "Safe to say, she thinks you're hot as hell, man."

Pain stared at him, feeling his face heating up. It felt like his chest was seizing up with excitement.

Seriously…!? Could she maybe be… into me? But—

The happiness train came to a screeching halt.

"I don't want her to think I'm hot when I'm angrier than I've ever been in my fucking life!" he blurted out and Sasori laughed. "That's not healthy!"

"I've got no advice for that, man. Maybe she needs therapy or something. You could try get the same effect by going for a run or something. Hit the gym."

"I go to the gym, you're the one who doesn't go to the gym." Pain grumbled.

"Okay, so go to the gym , get all sweaty and flexy and then go to Konan—"

"If I'm sweaty, she might think I stink!"

"Okay, your B.O. issues are not my problem…"

They started laughing and just kept arguing and shooting the shit for a while until they realized they would be late for dinner. They stomped down the bleachers and headed for the school.

"Now, sorry if this last piece of advice is way out of left field," Sasori said as they passed the old greenhouse, "But have you thought of, oh I don't know… asking her out?"

Pain grimaced. "I mean, yeah, but I've only known her for like three weeks. She might think that's kind of weird."

Sasori rolled his eyes and shook his head, mouthing Why me? at the sky.

"Who knows?" he responded aloud, "Maybe she's thinking the same thing. Maybe you guys are exactly the same, and you're both completely crazy… "

Pain shrugged, burying his hands in his pockets. "Well, I dunno. I feel like it's gotta be the perfect moment, you know? I can't just ask her out at breakfast. It's gotta be special. Just like… she's so cool, and amazing and stuff…" He trailed off, bashfully kicking a pile of fallen leaves.

Sasori gave him an unimpressed stare. "Remember when I was an amazing friend to you, and I brought you coffee, listened to your problems, and gave you advice? Why are you paying me back with this notice-me-senpai shit?"

Pain laughed and shoved him off the path.

They passed Tsunade on the way in, chatting with Asuma, who was on a smoke break. She glanced at Sasori.

"You're getting a lot of fresh air today, Mr. Akasuna," she said. "Attending classes as well, I trust?"

"Naturally," Sasori replied, ignoring the curious look from Pain as they headed inside for dinner.