The next morning, Konan woke up early and decided to make breakfast for everyone. She found all the ingredients for pancakes and put on Etta James as she made them, like her mum used to do when she was little. She cut slices of banana and used whipping cream and chocolate chips to put silly faces on the pancakes as one by one the boys got up and joined her, filling their plates.
"This is nice!" Deidara said, walking in in his pyjama bottoms and tshirt, helping himself to a pancake with an owl on it.
Pain came up behind Konan and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks for this, honey," he said sleepily, giving her a one-armed hug.
Everyone else slowly trooped in, in various combinations of pyjamas and clothes, and they all sat down to eat, passing each other mugs of tea and coffee.
"So, what do you guys want to do today?" Sasori asked after everyone had a full plate. "The ice on the lake is thick enough for skating, apparently…"
"Skating?" Konan asked excitedly, leaning forward to look at him down the long table. "Can we go? Do you have skates?"
"I mean, no, but we can just go and slide on the ice in our boots, for fun," Sasori said, shrugging. "It's really not that–"
"I would love to go!" Konan said, beaming at him. "I've never skated before!"
"This really isn't going to be a good representation of what skating is actually like," Itachi said, patting her hand. Catching her disappointed expression, he hastily added, "But we can still go! It'll be fun!"
"Yay!"
After breakfast, everyone headed off to get dressed and put on their coats and boots. Sasori and Deidara had agreed to loan Konan some clothes for the winter break, since she was closest to their heights, so she was wearing a pair of Deidara's sweatpants, one of Sasori's t-shirts, and Pain's black hoodie. Sasori dug out a pair of his grandmother's snow boots and one of her coats, which fit Konan perfectly well.
When everyone was ready to go, they tromped out of the cottage in their boots, coats, and scarves, walking and sometimes slipping along the snowy road down to the lake at the bottom of the hill. Hidan and Kakuzu ran up behind Konan and grabbed her by the arms, sliding down the path with her as she screamed in surprise, laughing.
They reached the edge of the snow-dusted frozen lake. There was a large patch about thirty feet across from one side which had been cleared, and lots of footprints and skate blade markings, indicating it was a popular location.
"First person to fall over makes lunch?" Pain suggested, and they all agreed.
"Don't you dare," Itachi said, catching Kisame about to shove him.
Konan looped her arm through Pain's and followed him tentatively onto the ice. Almost immediately, her foot shot out from under her, and he had to grab her quickly to stop her falling.
"It's slippery!" she exclaimed.
"Um, duh , it's ice …" Deidara said as he passed her, grinning as she stuck her tongue out at him.
"You okay?" Pain asked, smiling as Konan stood upright again.
"Yep, I think so."
She followed the others as they walked and slid towards the middle of the clear patch. Deidara and Sasori were messing around, pushing each other, trying to make each other fall over. Hidan, Kisame, and Kakuzu were playing foot hockey with a pinecone. The wind was piercing, but the view was beautiful; the hills surrounding the little lake were dotted with cottages like Sasori's, all lit up and blanketed in snow. Konan let go of Pain, holding her arms out and trying to copy Itachi, who was pushing off from foot to foot, sliding gracefully across the ice in his boots.
She immediately lost her balance and tipped sideways, grabbing Kakuzu's arm. Kakuzu keeled over, his legs shooting out from under him, taking out Itachi's legs. Itachi grabbed Hidan's scarf to try and catch himself, but the scarf just tightened around Hidan's neck, strangling him as he flailed around, grabbing at it, and crashed straight into Deidara, who launched headfirst into Sasori, who slipped and staggered backwards into Pain, who had seen Sasori coming and had grabbed onto Kisame for support, banking on him having good balance. He didn't. Kisame's feet slid out from under him as he tried to stay upright, and he collapsed, taking Itachi's legs out again just as he was trying to stand up. They all lay spread-eagled on the ice in a sprawling dog pile, glaring at Konan.
Who hadn't actually fallen down.
And who, by that point, was laughing hysterically, clutching her stomach and pointing at them.
"You're not gonna help us up?" came Kisame's indignant muffled voice from underneath Sasori.
Konan couldn't answer him, she was laughing so hard, her face aching. Sasori kicked her legs out from under her and she toppled over with a shriek, landing on her ass. They were all laughing by then, only stopping abruptly when they heard a loud crack.
Luckily, it was just a kid smashing rocks into the other side of the pond. They all breathed a sigh of relief, and began staggering to their feet, clutching at each other. But none of them could actually stand without immediately falling again, so they all had to crawl to the side of the pond, tails between their legs as more children came and began to laugh at them. Until Hidan caught one of them in the face with a well-aimed snowball, and a stream of colourful swear words.
Despite their aches and bruises, they decided to have a guerrilla-style snowball fight on their way back, which gave everyone a lot of exercise, running uphill, diving behind snow-covered shrubs, and sneaking up on each other. Konan managed to facewash Sasori when he was distracted by Deidara, only to get shoved face-first into a snowbank by Pain. Hidan avenged her by pelting Pain with a dozen snowballs as he ran for cover, while Konan tried to extract herself, covered in snow from head to foot.
When they got back to the cottage, they trooped inside, damp, hot, and laughing, and collapsed around the table for hot bowls of ramen, courtesy of Kakuzu. After cleaning up together, which miraculously only resulted in two broken dishes, thanks to Hidan who seemed to like to throw plates instead of pass them, they all headed back out again to walk down the hill to the village for groceries.
As Konan followed the boys around the supermarket, watching as they rode on the cart, had sword fights with zucchinis, and made highly phallic displays with eggplants and oranges, laughing like kids, she was hit with a massive wave of gratitude not to be stuck in that hotel room, eating dinner in bed and watching Say Yes to the Dress reruns, completely alone.
Sasori bought fancy wine and cheese, and ignored everyone else making fun of him for being snobby.
"It's the holidays, I'm allowed to be snobby," he said, thwacking Deidara on the forehead with a chunk of brie.
Pain bought Konan a pack of underwear, socks, and another bra on the way back, to wear during the break. Hidan and Kisame quickly co-opted the bra to twang satsumas at each other in the check-out line until Konan complained they were stretching it out, at which point they just pretended to garrote her with it.
Boys.
In the afternoon, Sasori marshalled them to start sorting through his grandma's stuff.
"No offence, man, but why the fuck do I need to do this? It's your shit," Hidan said with a yawn, scratching his stomach.
Sasori gave him a smile, his eyes flinty. "Want to sleep in the snow? Be my guest."
"Ugh, you're such a drama queen…" Hidan sighed, but he dropped the complaints.
Konan got assigned to correspondence, so she ended up in the study, sorting through box after box of letters and the decades-long build-up of papers Sasori's grandma had hung onto. Most of it was instructions from a doctor ten years ago, letters to old friends, birthday cards, notices about water or electric services.
Eventually she found boxes full of Sasori's report cards and paper projects from when he had been a child, which made for very funny reading. It was cute, somehow, imagining the seven-year-old Sasori getting a note home for being too shy and quiet in class, and then four months later another note home for being too loud and distracting.
There was a little journal entry he'd written which made her heart ache – I wish mummy and daddy would come back. grama says they wont but i dont know why.
She saved a stack of letters and reports to show him later, and saved any photos she found.
At the bottom of the third box, she found a stack of papers and cards tied with ribbon. She pulled it off gently, and opened the first card, a little valentine with Sonic the Hedgehog on the front, and clumsy little-kid writing inside.
Dear Sasori,
I like you. Please be my valentine. From Jonathan.
"Aw!" Konan said, smiling down at it.
She picked up the next paper, which was a letter written in sparkly gel pen, with hearts over the i's.
Hey Sasori,
I think you're really cute, and you smell nice and have cute eyes and I love hanging out with you. At the mall yesterday, your jeans were so cool and you were so awesome doing that flip off the stairs. i love playing digimon with you. Your really sexy. Will you please please be my boyfriend?
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ariel
Konan was giggling, imagining a little girl twirling her hair and hiding her face in her pillow from embarrassment, writing this love letter. She skimmed through the next few until she found a birthday card that looked to be sent by a teenager.
Sasori,
Happy bday
I keep thinking about the other night, at the movies. Come to my place tonight, we won't be interrupted. I'm gonna suck your dick so hard your chest folds in like a Capri Sun.
José
Konan stared down at the card, jaw on the floor. With no thought in her head except "Capri Sun," she gathered up the stack, holding the cards and letters to her chest, and ran, snorting with laughter, down the stairs.
"Guess what I found!?" she squeaked, skidding into the living room where most of the others were gathered, sorting through clothes, DVDs, and cassette tapes, and dumping the stack down on the table.
Sasori glanced over. "Oh, god."
"What are these… love letters?" Itachi asked, picking one up curiously.
"Should we do a dramatic reading?" Pain asked, poking his head out of the kitchen where he had been sorting through pans.
Konan gasped. "Wait, wait, we should do like a fancy night, a wine and cheese and Sasori's old valentines night!" she exclaimed.
"...And then we can burn them all!" Deidara said from behind Konan.
She whipped around to find him wearing an apron and rubber gloves, his hair all tied up in a messy bun, hands on his hips, looking sulky.
"You want to burn them all?" Pain asked in surprise, glancing at Sasori, who was just grinning at Deidara.
"Aw, are you jealous? Seriously?" Sasori asked, sliding his arms around Deidara's waist.
Deidara's ears went slightly pink as he scowled. " No. I just think it's weird to keep all that stuff. Especially when you have a…" He trailed off, muttering and obviously trying to avoid Sasori's gaze as he smiled up at him.
"...a fiancé," Sasori finished for him. "Sure, then. We'll read them out after dinner and then you can burn them if that would make you happy."
"You're making me sound like some kind of crazy possessive pyromaniac, hm," Deidara grumbled.
He glanced up. Everyone was carefully avoiding eye contact, trying not to laugh, while Sasori just said, " I didn't say it…"
"Hey!"
—
That evening, Deidara joined Konan, Sasori, and Pain in the kitchen, as they discussed what to make.
"Want me to help?" he offered, leaning in the doorway.
Sasori immediately turned around and took him by the shoulders, gazing seriously into his eyes.
"I love you," he said, shaking his head, "But you're not setting foot anywhere near that stove."
"Why not?" Konan asked in surprise, turning around and holding out the carton of eggs he'd asked for.
Sasori sighed, shaking his head, still looking at Deidara, who seemed kind of miffed. "Every time Deidara cooks–"
"Not every time," interjected the blonde, "You're seriously exaggerating here–"
" Almost every time," amended Sasori, "That this guy has stepped foot in this kitchen with the intention to cook, he has set a fire or made something explode."
"What?" Konan asked in disbelief.
Sasori pointed wordlessly at the ceiling. Konan looked up and saw several burn marks.
"Wow."
"The smaller ones were from popcorn," Sasori sighed.
"How did you do that with popcorn!?" Konan asked, stunned.
Deidara was struggling to free himself from Sasori's grip, plainly trying not to laugh.
"Okay, it's actually a very special skill, which is clearly not being properly appreciated…"
"Well, when the popcorn looks more like lumps of coal… ah, no, that's not generally going to be appreciated," Pain said, folding his arms and leaning against the cabinets with a grin.
"Some people would be grateful if their boyfriend wanted to cook for them, hm," Deidara muttered, poking Sasori in the chest.
Sasori just raised an eyebrow at him.
"I appreciate the sentiment. I don't appreciate the fact that I haven't been able to actually eat anything you've ever made."
Deidara burst out laughing. "How dare you!"
In the end, Pain made chicken fried rice for everyone and Konan sautéed some gyoza on the side.
They played Monopoly while they had dinner, since Konan had never played, and as everyone else darkly predicted, Kakuzu won by a landslide and forced them all into grovelling bankruptcy.
As Deidara headed out to start the fire, and Sasori and Itachi got up to get out the wine and cheese for the valentine-reading and bonfire, the others decided to play charades. All the Monopoly losers secretly agreed to never correctly guess any of Kakuzu's, which led to a hilarious outburst after they'd all looked uniformly blank as he mimed Sailor Moon, getting more and more annoyed with each mute 'In the name of the moon!' and 'Moon! Prism! Power!' pose.
Hidan went next after he dropped back onto the sofa with an irritated sigh. Hidan looked at his prompt, shook his head, and after miming that it was a play with 11 words in the title, and making a farcical effort at the letter 'E' and a load of gesturing for the second word, Pain burst out "The Importance of Being Ernest, a Trivial Comedy for Serious People!"
" That you get!?" Kakuzu roared, throwing up his hands as the others burst out laughing.
They put on coats and scarves for the bonfire, which Deidara had happily started in a makeshift fire pit lined with bricks from a collapsed wall at the end of the yard.
"Okay, stand back," he said, grinning as he held an arm up in front of Konan.
"What's up?" she asked.
"I made a firestarter!" he said, holding up what looked like several pinecones packed with sap, but smelled faintly of gasoline. "This'll get things going…"
"Oh, okay, okay, everyone back up…" Pain muttered hastily, grabbing Konan by the back of her coat and dragging her backwards hastily.
Konan watched, mystified, as the others also retreated about fifteen feet, Hidan even holding Kakuzu in front of him as a shield.
"Why? It's just a —"
BOOM!
A huge spurt of flames exploded twenty feet upwards from the fire pit, illuminating Deidara's silhouette in front of them as he cheered, fists in the air. Embers sparkled down in a shower and a wave of smoke washed over them. Pain patted out a few embers on Konan's coat as she coughed and rubbed her eyes.
"What the heck?" she spluttered, looking back at the bonfire, which was now crackling happily, the flames lowered but still five feet high, as Deidara threw more logs on.
"Welcome to Deidara's idea of a good time," Itachi sighed, passing her with a tray of sliced cheese and crackers, rolling his eyes.
Sasori followed behind, holding several bottles of wine and grinning, shaking his head.
They brought out deck chairs and blankets, and passed around the wine and cheese plate as Sasori handed out his old valentines, cards, and letters.
"There's nothing from Deidara in here, is there?" Kisame asked suspiciously, leafing through his stack.
Deidara whipped his head around, frowning at Sasori, who shook his head.
"I don't think so… Deidara's never really been a fan of the written word," Sasori said, shooting his boyfriend a grin.
"That feels like an insult…" Deidara muttered, poking at the logs in the fire with a long stick.
"Wait, was it your grandma who collected these together?" Konan asked, shuffling through her pile, eyes widening at how horny one of them was. "That's kinda wild."
Sasori shrugged, biting down on a cracker and settling into his chair. "I guess she thought I'd want 'em. She boxed some stuff up a while ago."
"Alright, alright. We'll go in a circle – snaps for emotion, snaps for sexiness, toss it in the fire when you're done," Kisame said loudly, getting to his feet. "Agreed?"
"Yes," chorused the others, circled around the fire in groups, huddled under the blankets.
"Alright, I'll start," he said. He cleared his throat dramatically, opening a heart-shaped card with a flourish. "'Dear Sasori, will you go out with me, Yes or Yes? P.S.-'"
"Boo, hiss, unoriginal, no snaps," Itachi called, waving his wine glass, his cheeks already pink.
"I'm not finished, ya lightweight," Kisame shot back, "There's a P.S.!"
"More like a pee-yew …" Itachi slurred into his wine glass, and the others all laughed.
They got through all the valentine cards Sasori had received in grade school, and then it was mostly birthday and holiday cards, presumably as most of the actual flirting was happening via texting. There was a very cute note written by Sasori's granny which just said that he'd come to tell her he was in a 'it's complicated' relationship on Facebook with three kids in his year. She had been clearly confused but wanted to record how proud he'd been.
"Proud of that?" Kisame asked in disbelief. "Three at once? Sasori, you dog!"
By the time they reached the bottom of the stack, the as-yet undefeated champion was still the Capri Sun card, but some others had come pretty close.
Finally, Sasori stood up, holding the last letter in his hands.
"Dear Deidara," he began.
"Wait, what?" Konan asked on a hiccup as everyone looked around, giggling. "Is this one you wrote?"
"Look at his face!" Itachi said in what was probably meant to be a whisper but definitely wasn't.
Deidara was staring at Sasori from behind, his expression hard to read. He looked half-surprised, half-wary, and his ears were turning pink.
"You probably don't want me–" Sasori began.
"Don't read it!" Deidara yelped, kicking the back of Sasori's leg anxiously.
Sasori turned around and grinned at him, continuing, "You probably don't want me to read this but–"
The others laughed as Deidara scowled, jerking his chin away, ears bright red. Sasori moved forward to him, reached out and ran his fingers through his hair. It looked like such an easy, intimate gesture Konan suddenly felt like she was intruding on a private conversation.
"– but I will, I'm sorry. I want to share how crazy I am about you. I feel like even though I've tried in hundreds of ways, to varying success, to make you really feel and believe how much I love you, there's always something holding you back from me."
Deidara's eyes locked onto Sasori's, his face flickering in the firelight. Sasori opened his palm as he stroked Deidara's hair, and Deidara pressed into him.
"I understand why now, and I don't care," Sasori continued softly. "If you'll let me, I want to spend every single day of the rest of my life with you, and I want you to spend the rest of yours with me. Every second I'm on this earth, I will love you."
Deidara's mouth crumpled and he reached up to cover his face. As Sasori continued, Konan could hear a smile in his voice.
"I want you to know I'll be there, that I'll never, ever leave, that you'll always, always be the most important thing in my life. That you'll be mine forever. That I'll always be yours."
Part-way through, Pain had got out of his chair quietly and slipped back towards the cottage. He reappeared several feet behind Deidara and gave a thumbs up to Sasori, who nodded. There were several clicks of a lighter, and Deidara turned around in surprise as suddenly the air was full of sparks and a high hissing.
A dozen fireworks blasted off into the sky, and everyone gasped and looked up as they went off high above with explosive bangs and cracks. They burst into spirals and showers of golden sparkles.
Konan screamed with delight, pressing her hands to his cheeks, then gasped and covered her mouth as she looked back down to see Sasori on one knee in the snow, holding Deidara's hand, the one already wearing the promise ring.
Deidara's lips were pressed tightly together, the blush from his ears finally spreading to his cheeks as he sat stiffly, his hand in Sasori's, avoiding his gaze.
"This is kinda overkill, don't you think, Sasori," he mumbled. "I said yes already…"
"Sure, but I didn't want to waste the fireworks," Sasori said cheerfully.
"You mean… Wait, you were planning to ask me in front of them!?" Deidara yelped in disbelief, staring down at Sasori, who smirked.
"Why, you think that would have been a bad idea?" he asked, a sarcastic note in his teasing voice.
"You idiot, " Deidara sighed, pulling Sasori up by the collar and smashing their foreheads together before kissing him as the others whooped and wolf-whistled.
—-
They all stayed outside until the wind changed direction and started blowing smoke in their eyes. Deidara began putting the fire out as the others gathered up the wine glasses, shivering in the increased cold.
"My question," Konan said to Sasori as she helped him fold his blanket, "Is how you knew what we were going to do."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean… this was your original proposal plan, right?"
Sasori shrugged, a smile tugging the edges of his mouth, his gaze shifting to Deidara's face, lit warm and sunny by the dying fire. "Yeah, pretty much," he said.
"But… but how did you know Pain would suggest reading your valentines out loud?" she asked, dumbfounded.
"Okay, well I was in on it," Pain admitted, grinning over his wine glass, carrying his folding chair.
"But I'm the one who suggested we do the wine and cheese…" Konan said, mystified.
"...which I bought when we were all together so I knew you knew we had it…" Sasori said, smirking at her.
Deidara joined them, having clearly been listening to the conversation.
"How did you know I'd want to set the letters on fire?" he asked in an uncharacteristically small voice, scuffing his foot on the ground, hands in his pockets.
Konan bit her mitten at how cute he looked.
Sasori just laughed. "You're really asking me that?"
"Well…"