Back at the cottage, Konan poured everyone glasses of water to help sober up, and then sidled up to Deidara to see if he was okay, but other than complaining that his feet hurt as he yanked his way out of all the designer clothes, he seemed totally fine. Sasori was just grinning, watching him as he used a makeup wipe to clean off the eyeliner and lipgloss. She ruffled Deidara's hair and kissed the top of his head anyway, even if he didn't seem bothered, before heading to the bathroom to quickly shower and brush her teeth.
As she shaved her legs, a little unsteady after the drinks, her mind wandered away from the homophobic assholes outside the pub, and back to Pain, pressing her up against the wall of the cottage earlier that afternoon, and that 'TBC' he had whispered over his shoulder on his way in.
To be continued.
Konan flushed, running her own hand down her bare stomach, closing her eyes and remembering the feel of his hand doing that, the heat of his skin contrasting with the bite of wind on her exposed stomach.
She got out of the shower, towelling off excitedly, hoping Pain was still awake.
She padded into the living room to see that he'd pulled out the bed and was lying down, on his phone.
"Hey," he said as she joined him, pulling off her sweatpants to slide into bed next to him. "You have a good shower?"
"Yeah." She scooted close to him, wrapping an arm gently around his waist and laying her head on his chest. "Did you end up finding those pictures?" she asked, hiding her smile.
He seemed to freeze, and didn't say anything for a minute.
"Pictures?" he asked eventually.
"The pictures of me?"
"Which ones?" His voice sounded strange. She could feel how tense he was under her arm.
"The nudes?" she said in a small voice, disconcerted by his reaction.
He didn't reply. She glanced up at him, frowning a little. His breathing was getting faster.
"I thought you'd like them, maybe," she said, starting to feel a little embarrassed and confused. She sat up, trying to see his face.
He looked frozen in place, still holding his phone up even though the screen had gone dark. He wasn't looking at her, just frowning, eyes wide in the middle distance.
"You thought I'd like them?" His voice was so strange, distant, like he wasn't conscious he was speaking.
"Are you okay?" Konan asked softly, sitting up. "You're really pale." She looked him up and down, watching his chest rising and falling.
Pain licked his lips and sat up, his movements jerky, uncomfortable. He dropped his phone, clenching and unclenching his hands. His eyes just flicked over to her and away, like he couldn't meet her gaze. Konan was mystified – she lay a hand on his arm gently, and realized he was shaking slightly.
"Pain, what's wrong?"
He didn't answer. Konan scooted away from him, giving him space, sitting to face him, staring. There was a funny look in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I just… I borrowed your phone, and I thought–"
"My phone?" Now he looked at her, still pale, but frowning.
"Yeah, I used your camera. I'm sorry if that bothered you, I won't do it again… You didn't see them?"
He was just staring at her, looking so confused. She reached forward and picked up his phone.
"Can you open it for me? I won't look," she said, holding it so he could swipe his pattern.
He did, taking a second to raise his hand, not meeting her gaze. She turned the phone back and opened up the gallery, showing him.
"I took these earlier. I just kind of thought you'd like them," she said, a little defensively.
He just stared at them for a second, still breathing a little too fast. Then he suddenly went 'Oh!' on a big exhalation of air, colour flooding back to his face. Konan was staring at him – there were beads of sweat at his hairline and his eyes were wide. He looked abruptly away from the phone, like he couldn't bear to see the photos, head bent down over his hands, clenching and unclenching.
"I can delete them," she said, taking the phone back.
"Yeah. Yeah, please," he said, his voice so unlike him she just stared again.
"Pain, are you okay?" she asked, now seriously worried. "Are you… are you having a panic attack, or something? Do you need water, or like, just to breathe, or…"
She was starting to panic herself, unhelpfully. Pain had never acted like this, at all. He was never anxious, not prone to panicking, or spiralling, or freaking out over anything . It was so unexpected she couldn't even think what she should do to help. She was just about to go get him water when he stood up suddenly, and stormed away down the hall.
"Where are you going?" Konan asked, following him, watching in bewilderment as he grabbed his coat and stuffed his feet into his boots, wrenching the front door open. He was biting his lips and his jaw was tight. He just shook his head, not facing her.
"Back in a bit," he muttered, and slammed the door behind himself, leaving nothing but a cold blast of air and a dusting of snow on the carpet.
—
Sasori opened the door on the third small knock, his eyebrows raised.
"What do you…" He trailed off when he realized Konan was crying. "What's wrong?"
Konan shook her head, her mouth pressed tightly closed. She didn't know how to start, or what to say. Tears were burning in her eyes, pouring hot down her face. Sasori pulled her into a loose hug.
"What's up?" Deidara's voice called from the bed.
Sasori turned around, still holding Konan, so Deidara could see.
"What happened?"
Konan heard Deidara get up, and a second later, his arm was around her, too, stroking her back. She broke down, unable to hold it together, and cried hard into Sasori's shoulder.
She heard Deidara shut the door, then felt him kiss the top of her head, coming back to the three-way hug.
"You guys are so nice," Konan blubbed, and she felt them laugh.
"You caught us on a good night," Sasori joked. "What's wrong, though?"
"Pain's gone," she choked out. "He left. And I have no idea why . I don't know where he went, he didn't take his phone, he just left, and it's dark outside, and he hasn't come back–"
"What?" Deidara asked in surprise. "He didn't say where he was going?"
"No," Konan sniffed into Sasori's shoulder. "I think he was having a panic attack or something, he was freaking out, he was breathing really fast, he wasn't saying anything…"
" Pain had a panic attack?" Sasori asked, sounding totally taken aback. "He's never had one before… are you sure? What were you talking about?"
Konan just squeaked for a moment, trying to stop crying, not succeeding. "I… He was mad about some photos I took on his phone," she said, rubbing her face. "I thought he'd like it, or whatever, but obviously he didn't. But, I need to go look for him, he could, like, freeze or something, he's hardly wearing anything warm, but he just ran off in the dark…" Her breathing was speeding up and catching as a fresh wave of panic washed over her, wondering how well Pain knew his way around, what would happen if he got lost in the dark…
She felt Sasori and Deidara exchange looks. "Konan, you stay here," Sasori said firmly. "I'll go find him. Stay here with Deidara, okay?"
He lifted her arms away from his neck and spun her around gently into Deidara, who put his arms around her, patting her back.
"Bring your phone," Deidara said warningly to Sasori, who presumably nodded as he opened and shut the door, leaving them together.
"So what were the photos?" Deidara asked once Sasori had left.
Konan sighed, her face itchy from crying. "I took some nudes on his phone, to surprise him. And he just freaked out completely, he didn't even…"
A surprised laugh burst out of Deidara. "Wait, what? Your nudes were so hot they gave the man a panic attack?"
Konan couldn't even laugh, she just cried harder. Deidara pulled her back onto his and Sasori's bed, rubbing her back as she cried into his shirt, alternating between apologizing for being a pain in the ass and bothering them, and asking him why Pain had gotten angry, what she could have done wrong.
—
Pain heard the crunching of snow behind him before he heard Sasori's yell.
"Hey fuckface!"
He stopped, but didn't turn around. His breathing slowed down, each breath of frigid air searing in his throat and lungs. He heard Sasori panting as he ran to close the gap.
"Go away," Pain said, closing his eyes.
If he asks if I'm okay, I'm gonna kick his ass.
"What the hell's wrong with you?"
…I'll take that.
"Nothing."
"Yeah right," Sasori panted, coming closer. "Why is it always me running after people?" he muttered, crunching through the snow until he was on a level with Pain.
"Cause you love interfering where you're not wanted?" Pain snapped back mockingly, unable to help himself.
He wished Sasori hadn't come. The last thing he wanted right now was someone interrogating him or taking the piss out of him when he was already angry with himself and shaken, and knowing Sasori, he figured he was about to experience both in quick succession.
But Sasori did a bit of a double-take, his expression shifting quickly from offended to concerned, eyebrows lowering in a suspicious frown.
"Konan said you had a panic attack or something."
Pain tilted his head back, closing his eyes, jaw clenching.
"No."
Sasori snorted. "What are you calling it, then?"
"Nothing. I got really stressed, and like, anxious. I was just freaking out…" He shrugged. "It was hot in there. I couldn't breathe right."
Sasori raised his eyebrows. "O-kayy… and that's not a panic attack? What do you think it was, heartburn or something?"
"Dude, shut the fuck up, why are you even —"
"I'm worried about you," Sasori interrupted. "This hasn't happened to you before, so something must be wrong."
"I'm fine ," Pain snapped, then sighed.
Again, he couldn't control his temper. Konan's face, confused and hurt, was burning in his mind.
I'm such a piece of shit…
Sasori just raised an eyebrow. "No need to be such a dickhead. I thought you might want to talk."
"I don't."
"Would you rather talk to me about it right now, or Konan?"
Pain didn't reply.
"Uh-huh. So, you're talking to me," Sasori said, folding his arms. "Konan said she took some photos on your phone? Why the hell did that make you run out here like the fucking house was on fire!?"
"I don't want to talk about it, and don't fucking yell at me," Pain snapped, starting to breathe fast and shallow again, pressing his numb hands to his face.
"Okay," Sasori said calmly. "I won't yell. But Pain, I'm your best friend. And I'm worried about you. Tell me what's going on."
Pain didn't reply.
Sasori clicked his tongue impatiently. "What, is your plan to just wander around in the snow for another few hours, find your way home, and in the morning you think nobody's ever gonna ask you what happened? Nobody's gonna be pissed off with you? Everything will be totally normal!?"
He stared at Pain, looking for a reaction. When he gave him none, Sasori sighed, folding his arms.
"Come on." His voice was low and concerned.
Pain had known him long enough to know that he was genuinely unnerved by his behaviour. He sighed again, trying to get ahold of himself.
"Fine. Can we walk, though? I can't just fucking stand still right now," Pain said, flapping his open coat, feeling like he was overheating again.
"Sure," Sasori said with a shrug, and fell into step with him, striding across the snowy fields under the full moon. "You want me to ask yet again , or are you just going to fucking tell me now?"
Pain rolled his eyes and elbowed Sasori sharply, making him stagger in the snow with a laugh.
"Konan asked me if I'd seen the pictures of her."
"The ones she took?"
Pain dragged a hand roughly through his hair. "Well, obviously, that's what she meant , but… Okay, I didn't tell you this — and you can't tell anyone , okay?"
"Hey, it's in the vault," Sasori said with an ironic grin.
"You're vaulting it?" Pain responded with a half-laugh on an exhale.
"I'm vaulting it."
"Fine. Itachi knows about this, because he's the one who found it…"
He explained about the man from the train stealing Konan's phone, about the forum on the dark web, about the photos and the deepfake porn. When he finished, Sasori looked staggered. It took him a minute to be able to speak.
"Who… why… Why, though?" he stuttered, staring at Pain, who just shook his head vehemently.
"I have no fucking idea, which is almost as bad, somehow."
Sasori pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay. But it's deleted now?"
"Itachi said stuff might have been cross-posted to other forums or sites or whatever. But that one was taken down, yeah."
"Which I guess leaves us with the other question, of who took it down . Like who knows about it?"
"Could be her dad's people."
Sasori snorted. "Like that situation isn't also fucked up…" He shook his head, rubbing his forehead. "Okay, so obviously, when Konan asked if you'd seen the naked pictures, you thought she meant those, right?"
Pain bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. "Man… Honestly, I haven't been sleeping since I saw them. It's the most… I can't even, like…"
He shook his head again, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking faster, making Sasori jog a few steps to catch up. 'Degrading,' or 'disgusting,' 'horrifying,' 'repulsive,' didn't cover it.
"And so you freaked out?"
"I mean yeah! " Pain burst out. "I was just like, totally uncomprehending, like, wait you know about those!? How can you, what are you talking about… But she was just staring at me, so confused, and then when she explained and showed me the pictures that she took…"
He pressed his hands to his face again, taking a deep breath, his stomach aching from guilt.
"And I just feel like such a fucking asshole, like she was just being cute, having fun, taking sexy pictures for me… But when she said 'pictures,' all I saw was those fucking fake porn photos, they were just like burning in my mind, and I couldn't look at the ones she took, it made me feel sick because I didn't want to see them when I was thinking about the ones those fucking shitstains made, it made me feel fucking disgusting."
He groaned, digging his nails into his cheeks, pulling icy air in with each breath, trying desperately to stay grounded and not go back to that disconnected place he'd been before.
"I asked her to delete them, because I'm just so fucking paranoid now, after the pictures of her at the airport were on that fucking forum, and that guy took her phone, and everyone knows where she is, and for some reason they know who she is, and it's just like… what if someone hacks my phone, somehow!?"
His breathing was getting shallower and shallower. It felt like the air around him was getting heavy, pressing in on him, compressing his chest. He pulled his coat off, not feeling the cold.
"And then, I'm just like — who are these people!? She's my girlfriend, and I'm freaking out over her taking a nude on my phone because of them, and it feels like I can't do anything about it, and I fucking hate that so much…"
He felt Sasori's hand on his back, just pressing gently. He didn't throw him off, trying to slow his breathing again.
"There were the most disgusting comments, you wouldn't believe… And when that guy cracked her phone and uploaded selfies she took, that were just for her, that she had no reason to think would ever be seen by anyone, let alone a bunch of strangers who have been counting the days til she's fucking legal… I just want to kill them. I want to fucking beat the shit out of them. But I can't. And I don't know what I can do about fucking any of it."
Sasori didn't say anything until Pain's breathing slowed back to normal.
"Would it be possible to report it to the police? It's technically child pornography, right?"
"It definitely is," Pain said through gritted teeth, his mind flashing, unwillingly, to some edited photos where Konan looked thirteen at most. He swallowed hard, feeling physically sick.
"Okay. So maybe we can do something about that. But what about tonight?"
Pain rubbed his face. "What do you mean?"
"I mean how I came out in the cold to find you at 1am because your girlfriend is really upset?" Sasori said with a touch of impatience. "You gonna come back and explain already?"
Konan's confused, hurt face blazed in Pain's mind again, and he heard her voice calling for him to come back. His chest ached, but he shook his head.
"How could I come back!? How can I explain — I can't explain why I got freaked out, I just can't!" he burst out. "How am I supposed to tell her about all that shit, how could I..? I can't do that to her…"
Sasori grabbed his shoulder, making him stop and face him.
"You don't think that you doing this — storming off all of a sudden, not explaining why, not coming back, not telling her what she did wrong—"
"She did nothing wrong!" Pain burst out.
"And how is she supposed to know that!?" Sasori demanded angrily.
Pain blinked at him, taken aback. Sasori sighed.
"You don't think this actually might be worse than telling her the truth?"
"No, I absolutely don't," Pain said firmly, turning to keep walking, but Sasori held him back, glaring at him.
"She's crying her fucking eyes out right now," he said angrily, pointing back in the direction of the cottage. "She came to our room sobbing because you'd left and she doesn't know why. Because you wouldn't talk to her. Because she thinks she did something to make you angry and she has no idea what it was. You don't care about that?"
It felt like Sasori had punched him in the gut. Pain looked away, winded.
"You think she'll forgive you for this with no explanation at all!?"
Pain's eyes burned at the corners as he imagined Konan crying alone. He wondered how long it had taken her to make herself get up and knock on Sasori and Deidara's door.
"Is it seriously worth losing her over this?" Sasori asked, staring up at Pain in disbelief.
"What can I say to her, man?" he asked Sasori quietly, his voice breaking. "What am I supposed to do? If it was Deidara, could you tell him there are people in the world making fucking child porn of him and shit?"
Sasori's face tensed briefly, and he turned his head with a sigh, stuffing his hands in his pockets before looking back at Pain.
"Yeah, I would tell him," he said simply. "Look, Konan can hate her dad, she can hate random people on the internet, she can hate that this is happening for some reason… Why are you willing to make her hate you? "
When Pain and Sasori returned to the cottage, everything was how they had left it – lights off, still, silent. Pain didn't say anything as he pulled his boots and jacket off, but he glanced at Sasori, getting an easy nod back, before he pushed the door open to his and Deidara's bedroom.
As expected, Konan was still there, lying asleep next to Deidara, her face still puffy from crying. She couldn't have been asleep for that long.
Pain bent down and cupped her face gently as Sasori pulled off his sweater in the background, getting ready to go back to bed.
"Hey," he whispered, rubbing his thumb over her cheek until she woke up.
Her eyelashes fluttered. She opened her eyes slowly, blinking in the dark.
"Hey," he said again, keeping his voice soft to avoid waking Deidara, too. "It's me."
She reached out an arm clumsily, touching him. "You're back," she mumbled.
Pain stroked her forehead as it creased up anxiously again, hushing her gently.
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I need to talk to you about something, okay?"
She nodded sleepily and he helped her out of bed. Sasori shot her a little smile as they passed him, Pain holding Konan's hand as she followed behind him.
He led her to the kitchen, pausing in the living room to grab his other hoodie for her. He turned on one set of the lights and passed her the hoodie. She pulled it on and sat at the table while he poured them both a glass of water. He sat down opposite her and passed her her glass.
"You awake?" he asked gently, watching as she rubbed her knuckles into her eyes.
"Mhmm," she replied, taking a sip of water.
"Okay." He laced his fingers together, elbows on the table, looking at his hands for a few seconds before meeting her gaze. "First of all, I want to apologize for how I acted earlier, and I'm really, really sorry for walking out on you and not explaining what was going on."
Konan shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she said, her voice soft and tired, "it's okay."
Pain gave her a small smile. "No, it's not, Konan. It wasn't fair to you, and I'm really sorry."
She tucked her hands into the sleeves of the sweater and bit her lips, looking at him. "Thanks. Are you going to tell me what was wrong?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Yes." He took a deep breath. "I've been kind of keeping something from you for a couple days."
He caught Konan's slightly raised eyebrows and redirected his gaze to his hands, feeling the prickle of anxiety creeping up the back of his neck.
"I did it because I didn't want you to know about it. I thought it would — like for any person, it's a lot , and I knew it would really upset you, and you were already really stressed and upset the night you got here—"
He hated the self-justifying note in his voice, even though he still believed he had been right to do it, and he was relieved all the same when Konan interrupted him.
"Pain, can you just tell me?" she asked, propping her cheek on her hand, "Because somehow the preface is stressing me out a lot more than whatever it is will."
Pain gave her a hollow half-smile, shaking his head, unable to help it.
I wish.
He took a sip of water and another deep breath, laying his hands flat on the table.
"Okay then. The night you came here on the train, you told me about John, the guy who stole your phone. Something about the story raised a few flags for me, and I had already been worried about some things, so I asked Itachi to look into it, because he's good at that, and he found some stuff on… basically, on the dark web."
Konan's face was oddly still, although she was still worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Itachi found some… stuff. He found a forum, basically. It had photos of you. Some of the ones we saw, of you at the airport, but it had a lot of others. Pictures from when you were a kid. Doing gynnastics. At some kind of event. Riding a horse." Pain swallowed, his gaze back on his hands. "Some of them were… edited. There were these fucked-up comments…" He forced himself to shrug, even as he felt the manic, paranoid buzzing he had been feeling for the past few days was building tension in his shoulders, a sick, metallic anxiety in his stomach.
"As it turns out, the guy from the train, John, is active on there. He posted about you, with a photo of you from the train."
Konan's gaze was blank as she shook her head mutely, chewing at her thumbnail.
"He was like, 'Could this be her?' and others said yes… He took your phone. He was able to unlock it, and he posted pictures from it to the forum."
Pain's voice was starting to wear out as he talked and talked, but he kept going, one hand pressed to his forehead, eyes closed.
"One of the photos let the people on the forum figure out where you go to school."
"What?" Konan asked in such a small voice it made Pain want to hold her. He swallowed the impulse, knowing he couldn't stop or he wouldn't be able to bring himself to continue.
"But then the forum was closed, John's profile was deleted, and everything on the page was scraped off, totally gone." Pain shrugged. "Itachi said there might be crosspostings on other forums, other sites. But that one is gone."
"Okay…"
"I have no idea why any of that was on there, or whatever. We can talk about it more later, if you want to. I don't have any clue who took it down, if it was some kind of moderator, or maybe people working for your dad's company, I have no idea."
Pain shook his head, raking his fingers through his hair.
"So… yeah. That's that. And that's why I freaked out when you asked me if I'd seen the pictures of you, because some of the edited pictures of you on the forum…" He couldn't look at her. "They were deepfakes."
He heard her tiny intake of breath and his eyes flicked up unwillingly. Her eyes were shut tight and her face was mostly hidden by the sleeves of the hoodie, pulled over her hands which were pressed to her cheeks.
He sighed and continued, tipping his head back and folding his arms across his chest. "So anyway, I was confused. I haven't been sleeping great, and I've been really worried about the forum and shit, so somehow I thought that's what you were talking about. Then when you showed me the photos you took…"
He shook his head and looked at her.
"I'm really sorry for the way I reacted. I love that you did that, that you wanted to take those to surprise me. I'm sorry I asked you to delete them. I've just been getting so paranoid, but it really freaked me out that some random person on a train recognized you from that forum, and they took your phone and stole your photos… I was just thinking like, are these photos even safe on my phone, and I was just fully freaking out and spiralling…"
He shifted uncomfortably, meeting her gaze over the sleeves of her sweater. There were tears sparkling in her eyes, ready to spill. He swallowed.
"I've never felt like that before in my life. I felt really scared, honestly. But I shouldn't have stormed out on you. And I probably should have told you all this as soon as I found out. But when you arrived, you were so exhausted, and already really upset, and…"
He glanced at Konan, at the tears that were pouring silently from her eyes.
"I didn't want to do this to you."
He shook his head again, vehemently. "I didn't want you to have to know this. I wish I didn't know, that I hadn't found out. I still think I was right not to tell you, honestly. I'm sorry if you don't, and that's totally valid, since it's information about you, but…" He sighed, and rubbed his face. "Yeah. So, that's everything."
Konan had been sitting completely still for the last few minutes. She was looking at him, but her gaze was slightly unfocused. Tears slipped from her unblinking eyes, sliding into the sleeves of her hoodie, still hiding the hands pressed to her face.
They looked at each other in silence across the table.
—
"That's everything? Everything you know?" Konan asked eventually, once she had found her voice.
"That's it."
"Okay," she said vaguely, nodding.
Thoughts – hundreds of thoughts, and questions, and horrifying ideas — were screeching across her mind in a roiling tangle, flaring up, leaping to the surface only to be replaced by the screaming maw of another, so quickly she could barely hold onto one.
Where did they get the pictures of me!?
Which photos were they!?
How were they edited!?
What kind of deepfakes!?
Who is doing this!?
Who has seen it!,
Why are they doing it!?
Who took it down!? Why!? Why now!?
She felt sick. She reached for her water glass and drank deeply, fighting down the bile that had risen in the back of her throat.
The rational part of her brain recognized dimly, but with undeniable truthfulness, that Pain didn't know the answers to those questions, so there was no point in asking him. She had a feeling she knew someone who might have more information, but her questions would have to wait.
She pressed the tip of her tongue hard into the point of her canine, trying to focus on the physical sensation, to stay grounded and present, instead of getting washed away in the neverending crashing waves of panic and terror and fury.
Push it down. I'll deal with it tomorrow.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
First things first.
She looked up at Pain. He was looking down at the table, his head propped on his hands.
She forced herself to ask the questions.
"So, you saw some fake nudes of me on that forum, is that right?"
Pain nodded slowly.
"And so you couldn't… you felt you couldn't look at the real ones I took, right?"
She tried to keep her voice neutral, but wasn't able to keep a small note of hurt out of it. She cleared her throat to try and cover, but she knew Pain had picked up on it.
He tilted his head back to look at the ceiling, his nails digging into his folded arms. "Mhmm. Because, at the time, I was already kind of… spiralling, I guess." He looked disgusted with himself.
She nodded, biting her lip. She pressed her fingernails into her thumbs in turn, trying to drum up the courage for the next question.
"Are you…" She swallowed. "It's okay if you can't say this for sure, or if you don't know right now, but… Are you going to be able to… Can you look at me, though? I'm sure the bodies they put on my face are better, or whatever–"
Pain scoffed, but she ignored him. She was looking down at the table, gaze unfocused, tears building in her eyes again as they started to dry out, as she struggled to finish the question.
"—but… but… Are you still okay with just me? … Can you still be with me?"
Pain reached for her. Hesitatingly, she put her hand in his and looked at him. He was staring at her, a crumpled, almost heartbreaking expression on his face.
"Of course I can, of course I'm okay with you, what are you even trying to say?"
She bit her lips. "Are you just saying that because you want it to be true, though? Can you look at me without thinking about those pictures?"
Pain just gaped at her in silence. She sighed and looked away, biting her nail. When she looked back over, Pain's mouth was shut tight and he was staring down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them, his jaw tense. She recognized the unfocused look in his eyes this time.
She stood up, pushing her chair back. At once, Pain was getting up, too.
"Wait, wait…" he said, reaching for her.
With a start, Konan realized he looked scared. She smiled at him, forcing herself to stay calm this time. She took his hand.
"Come with me," she said, her voice soft.
He followed her down the hall, a perfect mirror of when he had led her to the kitchen half an hour ago. She pulled him gently into the bathroom, turning the light on and shutting the door behind them. She turned the shower on.
She knew it could be a bad idea, but it was kind of a last resort.
He was watching her warily as she turned to face him. She pulled off the hoodie and tossed it on the floor.
"You were out in the cold," she said quietly, reaching for the hem of his sweater. "You need to warm up."
He let her pull it off. Their eyes met again as she tossed it aside. She held his gaze and pulled off his Bikini Kill t-shirt she was wearing. She noticed him tense up a fraction as she stood topless before him. He kept his eyes firmly on hers. She pulled his shirt off, too. She took a breath, and slid her panties down, kicking them aside.
The bathroom began to warm up, steam starting to fog the mirror as the shower water turned hot.
She faced him, completely naked.
"You need to take that stuff off, if you're going to have a shower," she said, pointing at his jeans.
He shook his head, grinning as he slid off his belt, unzipped his jeans and pulled them off.
"And those," Konan said, nodding at his black boxers.
Pain glanced at her with a half-smile. "Okay. Please keep in mind I was out in the cold for a long time…"
"It takes that long to get back to normal?" Konan asked in surprise, giggling.
Pain snorted. "No, I'm just messing with you."
"I won't look if you don't want me to," she said.
He smirked. "I'll hold you to that, then."
"Okay, okay," she rolled her eyes, smiling, happy they were able to talk normally again, at least for a moment.
He held her gaze as he slid off his boxers and socks, kicking them into the pile of clothes. She kept her eyes firmly on his, biting down on a grin, until a flash of reflected light caught her eye and made her glance down.
Her lips parted in hazy surprise as she saw that he had two silver piercings right above the shaft of his penis, and another barbell running through the head.
"Is that… a Prince Albert!?" she asked in amazement, semi-aware that she was biting her lip, despite the situation. He had a nice dick.
"Apadravya," Pain corrected her, "But what the hell happened to not looking!?" he asked, laughing and covering himself.
"I'm sorry!" she said, giggling and returning her gaze to his face.
He snorted, rolled his eyes with a smile, and walked past her into the shower, pulling her with him.
He stood under the spray for a minute before swapping with Konan, careful not to brush against her, his gaze never leaving her face.
She sighed. "I appreciate you're being respectful, but this is really important, so please look at me ."
He smiled a little at that. His gaze lowered slowly off her face, down her neck, past her collarbones. He sighed under the stream of water. Konan caught something hitch in his eyes, and he closed them.
"Talk to me," she murmured, reaching for his hands.
He tipped his head down, resting his forehead gently on hers. "I just remembered a comment on the forum, that's all." His voice was so quiet.
"Can you tell me?" She traced circles on the backs of his hands with her thumbs.
"It mentioned me, because John saw me. It said something like, 'Enjoy it while you can.'"
Konan rolled her eyes to the ceiling and took a breath, filing that away.
"Enjoy it, then," she said softly.
She took his hands and placed them on her waist. His eyes stayed closed, but she saw his shoulders lower as he relaxed a little.
"Talk to me," she repeated, leaning her head against his shoulder.
"I worry you have a different concern about the fake pictures of you than I do."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He pulled away, looking at her, half-suspiciously, his hands still gently holding her waist. "Are you worried I'd be comparing you to the fake pictures?"
Konan bit the inside of her cheek, flushing with shame to hear him say it out loud. "Um… Yeah, I guess."
Pain snorted, shaking his head, then gave her a serious look. "Konan, that's not even a fucking possibility , okay?"
She was opening her mouth to protest when he held up a hand, continuing.
" My concern is that those images made me feel fucking angry, and sick. And I don't ever want to think about them again, but…"
He shook his head, nails digging briefly into her skin before his hands smoothed out again.
"I'm worried about it, and worried about you, so I think about it. But I want to stay with you. I want to focus on you."
Konan nodded to show she'd understood him, a knot of tension releasing.
"So focus on me," she said, moving his hands to her chest.
He half-laughed in surprise, shaking his head, his thumbs on her nipples. She reached up and brought his face down to hers. She met his gaze carefully, hoping he could see in her eyes how much she trusted him.
"Look at me," she whispered. "Stay with me."
His eyelashes were wet, framing his violet eyes with dark starbursts. Konan stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. He closed his eyes for a second, shivering.
"If you get pulled away, and you get lost," she murmured, shifting a hand to cup the back of her head, "I'll be your lighthouse, okay? Just come back to me."
She kissed him softly. As she guided his hand down, he kissed her back, just as soft. She tilted her head and opened her mouth for him, He kissed her harder, one hand sliding down her body to squeeze her ass, his other hand in her hair. She sucked on his lower lip, running her hands down his chest, around his waist, stroking his back. He sighed into her, and she felt his muscles loosening, the tension melting away. He pushed her back against the wall of the shower, pressing against her, kissing her fiercely.
"Is it working for you?" she panted, pulling away.
He gave her a funny look, his eyes dark. "Uhh, yeah, it's working for me…"
She snorted with laughter. She knew they were both very aware of his semi-hard dick pressing against her stomach.
"Do you want me to stay?" she asked, pressing against him, pushing him back under the spray of the shower, grinning when he gasped, feeling his cock twitch against her "Or do you want, um…"
She really wasn't sure how to ask what she meant without it being awkward, but from his grimace she knew he got her meaning.
He covered his face with a hand, embarrassed. "Oh my god… um, if it's okay, maybe I'll just have a longer shower… by myself?"
"Yeah, okay!" she said, laughing and backing away. "Enjoy!"
"I just…"
He looked so embarrassed, Konan felt really bad. She made sure she was only looking at his face, eyes never travelling down, as hard as that was.
"If you were gonna stay, I just — I wouldn't want that to happen right after I was a total asshole to you. Like, I wouldn't want to have those memories side by side."
Konan smirked at him. "So… you're not Deidara, is what you're saying? You're not turned on by conflict and dysfunction?"
Pain burst out laughing. He looked completely free of worry for the first time in days. Konan beamed, so happy to see it.
"Yeah, thank god… who needs that aggravation?" he said teasingly.
Konan smirked. She was determinedly not looking down, but it was very difficult. Out of focus or not, she could still see the light catching on his piercings. Her mind was running away with her, imagining the weight of his cock, what it might feel like in her mouth. She bit her lips, thinking of the feel of it pressed against her stomach, and leaned back against the shower wall with a sigh.
"Well, I'll go, but… Just saying… It's a pretty long winter break…" she said, raising her eyebrows at him and grinning. "Enjoy your solo shower, but… I'm just saying, I'm interested in joining you whenever you feel like it. Just saying."
" Just saying, huh?" Pain shook his head, laughing. "Get outta here… trying to seduce me…"
Konan laughed too, and turned to step out of the shower, pushing aside the curtain. Pain pulled her back, cupping her face and kissing her deeply. Konan closed her eyes, sliding her tongue into Pain's mouth as his free hand shoved her back against the shower wall, pinning her hands up like he'd done outside the house, and she moaned into him, arching forward, wanting to touch him, wanting him to lean forward, press his cock against her, wanted him to just give in and let the memories of today be chaotic and messy…
Too quick, he let her go and backed away, breathing hard, his eyes dark, but grinning at the expression in Konan's face as she realized that that was all she was getting.
"What a fucking tease!" she exclaimed, only half-joking. "Who's seducing who now!?"
He laughed as she stepped out of the shower and towelled off, heading out to change for bed and let him finish, wondering how many 'TBC's she could take before she burst into flames.