I had barely heard from Derek in the past few days as the hospital had been overcome with patients from some biker race that happened every year. Multiple brain traumas had kept Derek busy. Now that he had officially accepted his position at Seattle Grace, they were working him overtime to compensate for the shortage in the neuro department.

We had the pre-school interview Tuesday morning, but due to a scheduling mistake on their end they sprung on me Saturday afternoon that they needed to move our interview up to Monday. Short notice, but we would have to make it work for Mia's sake. She needed this.

I texted Derek with the change in info but didn't see that he even read it until Sunday morning. I assumed he crashed after nearly 24 hours on the clock as I heard nothing back.

I figured he'd sleep it off and get back to me later that day but I heard nothing. Monday morning rolled around and I did my best to distract myself getting Mia and myself ready.
"Your dad and I can be there Meredith, if he-" Susan started but I gave her the look as I pulled Mia's hair into a ponytail. I smoothed the top fly away pieces of Mia's golden locks.

"Thanks, but I've got it." I told her. I didn't want Mia aware that her dad was letting me down. Susan gave me a sideways glance. I could tell she was fuming at Derek and probably annoyed at me that I was unwilling to bash him at the moment.

She threw her hands up in defeat and walked off and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I didn't need this on top of already being nervous as is.

Mia chose to wear her pink tutu and unicorn top and sparkly shoes. Susan mentioned that it would probably be a good idea for her to wear something a little less loud but I was teaching Mia to show up as herself and if they didn't want her to be a part of her school because of her flair then so be it. I would find the right place for her.

In the car, Mia seemed indifferent to the prospect of going to a new preschool or interviewing with their principal. I took that as a win. I wasn't going to be putting any pressure on her. I just wanted her to be herself and rest would fall into place the way it was meant to. I tried calling Derek but his phone was off. I was hopeful that I would pull up and he would be outside waiting for us, but that didn't happen.

I unbuckled Mia from her car seat and took in her adorable appearance. It was me and her always and that would be enough, if it had to be. I loved Derek and the bond they were forming was a beautiful thing, but I warned him, once he was in her life, he was in it forever and he would show up or this wouldn't work.

It stung to be let down like this. It stung deep.

"They're probably going to ask you questions baby and there are no right or wrong answers. Just be yourself okay?" I told my daughter as I held her hand and walked her into the school.

She smiled at me "Okay, mommy."

We took a seat and waited for the principal to be ready for us.

She came out a few minutes later. "You must be Meredith and Mia." she said, looking at us warmly with a smile.

"Hi" Mia told her and stuck her hand out to shake it. The principal crouched down and took her hand and shook it back.

"What a nice handshake." the principal remarked. I followed suit and shook the principal's hand.

"I'm sorry Mia's father can't be here. He's a surgeon and got caught up in a surgery this morning" I wasn't sure if it was a lie or not. I hoped it was the truth because if not, I don't know how I could forgive him for this.

"Hmmmm" the principal paused for a moment, giving me a knowing look. She seemed to be trying to read the situation, but after a beat, she nodded.

"It's okay, Meredith. Life happens. We understand. You're here, and that's what matters," she said with a kind smile, clearly trying to ease any tension.

I nodded, grateful for her understanding, though I couldn't shake the ache in my chest. Derek had promised he'd be there. But Mia didn't seem to notice, and I wasn't about to let her feel the weight of my frustration.

"Why don't we get started, Mia?" the principal said, guiding us into her office. Mia walked ahead of me, her sparkly shoes clicking lightly on the tiled floor.

As we sat down, the principal began asking Mia a few simple questions, gently coaxing her into conversation. She asked about her favorite toys, what she liked to do at home, and what kind of things made her happy. Mia answered with her usual enthusiasm, her wide eyes sparkling as she talked about her love for unicorns and her favorite books and ballet of course.

I couldn't help but smile, watching her confidence grow with each question. She was so full of life, so unapologetically herself.

The principal looked over at me after a while, her gaze softening. "She's a bright one, Meredith. I can see why you want her here."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. "She's everything to me. I just want her to have the best chance, you know? I want her to feel supported, to feel like she belongs."

The principal smiled warmly. "And she will. We'll make sure of that."

I felt a tiny bit of relief, but the hollow feeling from Derek's absence remained. The interview continued, and Mia was engaged the whole time, completely in her element. But all I could think about was the empty chair beside me, the one Derek was supposed to be sitting in. The one he should've been in.

As the interview wrapped up with Mia, the principal let us know "So for the next part of the interview, I'd like to talk to you, Meredith. Mia can go with our program director to play in our game room."

I felt a flicker of unease but nodded, trying to hide my concern for Mia as I watched her skip happily toward the program director who appeared by the door. Mia wasn't the problem—I knew she'd be fine—but I hated being separated from her.

The principal sat back down, folding her hands and studying me with a calm, almost too composed expression. "I just wanted to take a moment to speak with you about Mia. I'm sure you understand, these kinds of interviews are as much about understanding the child as they are about understanding the parents."

I nodded, though I didn't entirely understand what she meant. I had assumed this part of the interview was just a formality, but now it seemed like she was digging deeper.

"How do you feel about Mia's development, Meredith? I mean, you mentioned that she's a bright and confident child—do you have any concerns at this point? Is there anything you feel she struggles with, either socially or emotionally?"

I let out a breath, shifting in my seat. This wasn't an easy question to answer. Mia had always been independent, and while she excelled in many areas, I couldn't ignore the occasional tantrums or her moments of hesitation when faced with new experiences.

"I think she's doing well overall," I said slowly, collecting my thoughts. "She's... confident in some areas, but I do notice that she can be a little more reserved when it comes to new social situations. I don't think it's a lack of interest, more like she's still figuring out how to navigate different environments. It's something we work on at home."

The principal nodded thoughtfully. "That's quite normal at her age. It's important that she feels supported in new settings, especially when it comes to things like school and group activities. You're doing the right thing by being involved in her growth, Meredith. It's clear you're a very hands-on mother."

I couldn't help but smile slightly at the compliment. I tried my best, even if some days felt like an uphill battle.

"And what about Mia's father? You mentioned he's a surgeon. I understand that can be a demanding job. How does he manage his time with Mia?"

I stiffened, my stomach tightening at the mention of Derek. I swallowed hard before responding.

"He's... he's very involved when he can be. His job keeps him busy, but he does try. There are times, though, when his work takes precedence, and it's difficult to plan around that."

The principal's eyes softened as she nodded again. "I see. It must be challenging to balance everything. I can imagine Mia, especially, must feel the absence sometimes."

I exhaled slowly, feeling the weight of her words more than I expected. "Actually um, her father just came into her life recently. She bonded with him quickly have a great relationship."

There was a long pause as the principal took in my words. "Interesting" she stated. "It's a shame that he was unable to make it today. We feel that parent's need to be involved as much as possible in their children's education. It's a principle here and we expect parents to be hands on if they want their children to succeed."

"Mia has a village. We live with my parent's because I had her young. I'm on a path to become a surgeon too and with a demanding career, you need people and Mia, she has people. So, whether her dad makes it to an interview or not, there's a line behind my daughter willing to step in and be involved." I rambled feeling defensive. This lady didn't have a clue.

"Meredith, I can tell you're doing everything you can to ensure Mia's well-being. And I want you to know that we'll do everything we can to support her here as well if she becomes part of our community."

I blinked, surprised by how personal her words felt. It was almost as though she could see through the walls I had built around my own struggles. It was too much, too raw, and for a moment, I couldn't find my voice.

But the principal's voice softened again, bringing me back to the present. "We all need support, Meredith. Don't forget that. It's great you and your daughter have a village."

I nodded slowly, the lump in my throat growing. "Thank you," I whispered, genuinely touched by her kindness.

She gave me a warm smile before standing. "I know this wasn't the easiest conversation, but I appreciate your honesty. We'll be in touch soon, and whatever the outcome, just know that Mia will have a place here if this is the right fit for her."

I stood, feeling lighter but still a little shaken. "Thank you," I repeated, my voice steadier now.

As I left the room and walked back toward the game room, I saw Mia through the window, laughing with the other children. For a moment, I let myself breathe, letting the worries and the weight of the conversation fall away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I didn't attempt to call or reach out to Derek again. Turns out talk is cheap and he didn't show up the first time his daughter really needed something from him. I spent the day with Mia since I had already pulled her out of preschool and taken the morning off the hospital. I basked in the day with her and laughed at all of her silly antics and jokes. I felt good about her meeting at the preschool and hoped that it worked out. At dinner, we told my dad and Susan all about how the interview went and how big the school was. Susan seemed much more calm from this morning and my dad was excited at the prospect of this being a better match for his granddaughter.

Mia was worn out from the day and I put her to bed at 7. She didn't even make it through one story before her eyes fluttered shut and her breathing softened.

Susan had a glass of wine waiting for me downstairs and I took a seat beside her on the couch. My dad was curled up reading a book in the armchair but I could tell he intended on listening to whatever Susan had to say.

I picked up the glass of wine and brought the warm liquid to my lips. I needed it.
"Lexi is out with that Mark guy" Susan started with a tint of disgust in her voice. She seemed to be warming up to Mark last time he came over for dinner.

"They've been out a lot." I commented.

"They have and I'm not sure I like it. She needs to be focusing on school, not a guy that is much older than her."

I shrugged. I knew this was actually about Derek and had nothing to do with Mark at all. This conversation wasn't avoidable and one thing about Susan, she liked her opinion to be heard.

"So, the interview went well? Do you think she has a shot?" Susan asked. My dad looked up from his book.

"I do. She introduced herself and shook the principal's hand. What four year old does that?" I said with a grin.

My dad laughed and Susan smiled happily. "That's my girl," Susan said, her tone shifting to something more relaxed. But the moment didn't last long, as she turned to me with a sharp, pointed look. "But what about Derek?"

I froze, the warmth of the wine suddenly feeling heavier in my hands. "What about him?" I asked, trying to sound casual but failing.

Susan wasn't having any of it. "He didn't show up, Meredith. He knew how important today was and what he just turns into a ghost?"

I sighed, leaning back into the couch, my eyes avoiding her gaze. "I don't know what happened. I'm confused." I admitted after a beat.

"Of Course you are! You've heard nothing from him?" Susan asked.

"Nothing. I - The last time I heard from him was on Saturday morning."

"How does he expect to be a father? A partner? I mean it's been three days since any contact? That's just absurd"

I could feel my frustration building as I took another sip of my wine, trying to keep my emotions in check. "I don't know what he expects, Susan. I don't even know what I expect anymore."

Susan's gaze softened for a moment, but then she pressed on, her voice quieter but still firm. "Meredith, this isn't just about you. It's about your daughter, too. She's old enough to notice when her father isn't there, when he isn't showing up for the important stuff. That matters."

I swallowed hard, the weight of her words hitting me. "I know. I was trying to protect her from all this. From getting let down today."

"You've been carrying the load for so long, Meredith and he said he was in and that he wanted to do this and then today to just not show- "

I closed my eyes for a second, feeling the pressure of everything I'd been holding in. "I don't understand what happened. Everything was… it was perfect"

Susan didn't respond right away, just squeezed my hand tighter, as if trying to ground me. My dad finally put his book down and leaned forward, speaking gently. "Maybe he's lost in his own head right now, Meredith. Maybe something happened. I'm sure if you give him a chance, he'll explain himself."

I shook my head, my heart aching. "I'm running out of chances for Derek Shepherd." I admitted softly.

Susan gave me a pointed look, her voice quiet but firm. "Then stop. For your sake. And for Mia's sake before anyone gets more hurt. You can't do this to yourself, sweetie. Not for someone who's gone MIA for days on end."

I wanted to argue, to defend Derek, but the truth was, I felt defeated and beyond confused and played.

The silence stretched between us, my mind whirling with everything Susan had said. My heart wasn't ready to accept it, but a part of me knew that the truth was starting to settle in. This wasn't going to work, not in the way I had hoped. He wasn't ready.

Derek's POV

I pulled my 7th beer in a row against my lips. I was drunk and pissed and miserable. Today was August 18th. I turned my phone off so my parents couldn't call me to check in. I should be checking in on them but today and every year today, I was selfish. I was my worst self. And no one knew it because I cut off contact with the outside world. Usually, in advance I knew it was coming, I warned people and work that I would be unreachable. This year with everything going on, it crept up on me.

I worked non stop for days, doing countless surgeries, saving patients, being owned by the hospital. I worked a straight 29 hour shift with no sleep and crashed in an on-call room for an entire day only to wake up to it being Monday, August 18th. I saw I had missed calls, some from my parents, one from Mark, a few from Meredith but I didn't care. The only thing that mattered today was that today, 5 years ago my sister died in a car accident, in a car that I was driving and I have never been the same since.

I always tortured myself today, replaying what went wrong over and over and over. If I did this differently then Amy would still be here. If I wasn't so distracted by my relationship with Meredith, Amy would still be here. If I went to run those errands by myself, Amy would still be here. The possibilities were endless but they all ended in the fact that in my mind, she would still be here.

I could feel the weight of it all pressing down, crushing me under its suffocating grip. The guilt, the shame, the anger. It was like a storm inside me, raging and relentless, and no matter how much I drank, no matter how many distractions I tried to throw at it, it never stopped.

The clock on the wall ticked on, mocking me with the passage of time, as if I could escape this day, but I knew I couldn't. Not today.

The alcohol blurred the edges of my thoughts, but it didn't erase the memories. Five years ago, I had been in that car, the one that never should've crashed, the one that never should've left the road. But it did. And Amy, my little sister, the one person I swore I'd always protect, was gone. And I was the reason.

I thought this year maybe it would hurt less. I had Meredith back. I had my daughter. In some ways, it made it worse. I had a little girl named after my dead sister. A little girl, I didn't get to know for 4 years of her life because I was so fucked up from losing my sister. The loss of Amelia can be felt and seen in every aspect of my life. I will never be who I was ever again no matter how much time seems to pass.

I slammed the empty beer bottle onto the counter with a dull thud, watching the condensation form puddles on the smooth surface. The buzzing sound of the bar around me was muffled, like I was submerged underwater, and I couldn't bring myself to care about anything beyond the oppressive weight of the day. The phone in my pocket buzzed again, but I didn't reach for it. It was probably another call I didn't want to take. Another person I didn't want to talk to. I had turned it on briefly to look at an old picture of my sister. I should've turned it back off.

They're all trying to help, I thought bitterly. But none of them get it.

I could feel the sharp ache in my chest, the place where Amy used to live. It wasn't a physical pain, not exactly, but it was like an empty space that never got any smaller. Five years of trying to fill it, of pretending I was okay, but always coming back to the same empty spot in my heart. I should have done better. I should have saved her.

My hands shook as I reached for another beer, the cool bottle a brief moment of comfort before the storm in my head took over again. If I hadn't been so distracted with everything else, maybe I would've noticed something was wrong that day. Maybe I would've been able to stop the crash before it happened.

I slammed the bottle back into the ice bucket, watching the ripples spread. I didn't even want to be here, not in this bar, not on this day, but it was the only place I could go where I didn't have to think about anything else. I had no energy for the guilt or the pain that gnawed at me, and I definitely didn't want to be reminded of all the people I'd hurt—like Meredith, or even my parents. Everyone seemed to think they could pull me out of this darkness, but they couldn't. I couldn't be saved, not from this.

The door creaked open again, and I barely acknowledged it. I had stopped looking for familiar faces. I couldn't bear to deal with their concern, their sympathy, their fucking pity. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve any of it.

The bartender came over to refill my glass. "You alright, man?" he asked, his voice casual but probing, like he could sense that I wasn't. But I didn't owe him an answer. I didn't owe anyone an answer.

"Just keep 'em coming," I muttered, my voice rougher than I meant it to be. "Please."

He hesitated for a second, but then shrugged and filled my glass again. I could feel him studying me out of the corner of my eye, probably wondering what kind of wrecked person I was. I didn't care. None of it mattered.

I drained the glass again, quicker than before. The buzz was starting to settle in, but it wasn't enough to drown out the suffocating thoughts. They just kept circling, over and over, like they always did on August 18th. What could I have done differently? Why couldn't I save her? Why couldn't I protect her?

I had spent five years asking myself that question, trying to piece together some kind of meaning out of the mess I'd made of that day. The truth was, I was just as lost now as I had been then. No matter how many surgeries I performed, no matter how many lives I saved, I couldn't save my sister. I couldn't save myself.

I let my head drop forward, staring at the empty glass in front of me. It was easier this way. It was easier to sit in the darkness of my own mind, surrounded by my own guilt and regret, than to face the world outside. I could pretend I didn't care, I could pretend I was fine, but every year, every goddamn August 18th, it was the same.

There was no going back. There was no undoing what I had done. And Amy would never come back.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push back the tears that threatened to surface, but I couldn't. The guilt was too much. The silence was too loud.

"Fuck," I whispered, my voice cracking. The weight of it all came crashing down again. "I'm so fucking sorry, Amy."

My mind went to Meredith. I wonder how she was handling this day. If she even remembered what today was or if she was so caught up in being the strong one for our daughter that she didn't have the privilege of breaking down.

Guilt engulfed me. I remember Meredith texting me something about a change in plans with the interview for Mia's school but I don't remember when it is now. I was relieved that it won't be tomorrow anymore, because I assume I'll have a hangover from hell.

I decided at the bare minimum I should probably check in on Meredith. She lost Amy too and although, I don't think she'll ever get how I feel. I know she lives with the loss everyday. I checked the last message from her "Where are you? The interview is starting in a half hour."

Before that was the text I vaguely remembered "They want to do the interview Monday at 10am instead. Said they had scheduling issues."

"Fuck" I yelled out. I missed it.

I cursed under my breath, the words feeling heavy on my tongue. My heart sank as the guilt twisted inside me. I had missed it. The interview. The one thing Meredith had been counting on, and I wasn't there. She needed me, and I let her down. Again.

I stared at the phone in my hand for a moment, hesitating. Then I finally hit her number, holding my breath as it rang. She didn't pick up.

I ran my hand through my hair as the realization hit me like a ton of bricks 'I was no better. I was abandoning and avoiding it and it was even worse because now I did this to my daughter.'

I asked the bartender for water and coffee. I had to sober up and go talk to Meredith. It was only 8:00pm and I figured with a good hour of getting myself under control I could get to her before it was too late in the night.

The bartender seemed relieved at my change in plans and I spent an hour raking through my mind how I could make this up to her.

I climbed into a cab and directed the driver to the Grey's, my mind racing. I hesitated outside the door for a moment, checking my watch—it was 9:45 p.m.

I took a long, steadying breath before I knocked. The sound of my fist meeting the wood felt amplified, echoing through my chest. The weight of it seemed to press down harder with every passing second. I stood there, listening to the silence stretch out around me like an endless void, the air thick with something unspoken.

The door creaked open, and there she was—Meredith. Her tired eyes met mine, sharp but heavy with something she'd been trying to hide. I could see it, even if she didn't say it. She'd been crying, but she wore the same tight smile she always did when she was pretending everything was fine.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was steady, but there was an edge to it, like she was bracing herself for something.

I felt the sting of her words more deeply than I should have, an accusation that struck right through me. But I wasn't here to explain myself. I wasn't here to justify anything. I was here to face what I'd done. I was here to own the fact that I had failed her, just like I'd failed Amy.

"I missed the interview," I said, my voice hoarse. "I fucked up, Mer. I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry. I—" I swallowed, unable to finish. The words didn't feel big enough to take back everything I had messed up.

She cut me off with a raised hand. "I know, Derek," she said quietly. "I know."

Her words made my chest tighten, but they didn't bring relief. I still felt like I was standing in the ruins of everything I couldn't fix.

"I'm sorry. I should've been there for you and for Mia," I said, but the words felt weak, like they would crumble into dust. "Today just… I couldn't… I don't…" I trailed off, lost for what to say.

Meredith didn't respond, just stood there, looking at me, her eyes unreadable.

"How's Mia?" I asked, desperate to change the subject, to avoid facing the truth of what I'd done.

"She's fine. She's asleep," she replied, her arms still crossed. The defensive posture was unmistakable.

I could feel the space between us widen, and I hated it. I wanted to explain, to make her understand, but I knew it wouldn't make any difference. Not right now.

"Meredith, who's at the door?" I heard Susan's voice from inside.

"You should go," Meredith said, her voice firm, but she quickly reassured Susan that she had it under control.

"Can we talk? I... I want to explain." My voice was softer now, but even I could hear the desperation in it.

"Then explain," Meredith said curtly, her patience thinning.

I stood there, frozen. I had nothing. I fumbled with my words, trying to force them out, but all that came out was a stutter. "It's August 18th."

Meredith's eyes narrowed slightly, confusion flickering across her face.

"August 18th…" I repeated. "You know what today is, right?"

She looked at me like I had just slapped her. "Of course, I know what today is. Of course, I do." Her voice was thick with emotion, something I wasn't sure I could bear.

The bite in her voice hit me harder than I expected, each word landing like a punch. It reminded me of everything I'd been running from, the date that had stolen so much from us—the day we lost Amy. The day I couldn't save her. And the day I'd been running from ever since.

"I didn't mean it like that," I mumbled, my hands instinctively fidgeting with the sleeve of my jacket. "I just… I couldn't let it go. The day. I couldn't escape it. And I—" I broke off, unable to finish. I couldn't find the words, couldn't make her understand the suffocating weight of that day, how it haunted me, how I couldn't move forward.

Meredith's expression softened just a little, but her body language remained defensive. "You think I don't know what this day means?" she asked, her voice tight, almost trembling. "You think I don't carry the weight of it every year? That I haven't been carrying it, too?"

The words hit me like a cold slap. Of course, she knew. She'd been carrying it just like I had, only in different ways.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice hollow. The apology felt inadequate, like it would never be enough.

I could see the exhaustion in her eyes, the quiet toll this had taken on her. She was holding herself together with everything she had left, but I could see it was wearing thin.

"I should've been there today," I said, my voice cracking. "For you. For Mia. I failed you. I failed both of you, and I can't fix it. I can't undo it. I—" My words faltered. I didn't have the right ones. I had nothing left to offer her.

She stared at me, her eyes narrowing. A mix of frustration and sadness lingered in her gaze. "You think this is just about today, Derek? You think it's just one mistake? One moment?" Her voice cracked slightly, but she steadied herself. "I didn't just lose Amy five years ago today, Derek. I lost you, too."

The weight of her words hit me like a ton of bricks, the sting of her pain sinking deep. I felt the familiar ache in my chest—the one I couldn't ever escape. The one I'd been trying to outrun.

"I know," I said quietly, the words sounding too small to carry the weight of everything between us. "But we can't keep having this fight—"

"We've never had this fight," she interrupted, her voice sharp. "That's the problem. I avoid, and you run. That's what we do. But I want to do better. I want to—"

"I don't want to… I can't…" I stuttered, unable to find the right words, the right anything. "I just can't talk about it with you. I'm sorry. I can't go there, and I… I'm just not ready to do this with you."

"Then you need to go," Meredith said, her voice firm.

The words landed like a blow, but they didn't surprise me. I knew she was right. She had every right to be angry, to shut me out. I had abandoned her, and now I was standing here, broken and empty.

"I don't want today to end like this," I whispered, my voice low. "I think, eventually, I'll be able to talk to you about Amy… and everything. But not right now. I'm not there yet."

Meredith's expression hardened, and for a moment, I thought I saw something flicker—exhaustion, desperation. "I'm tired, Derek," she said softly, almost pleading.

I felt a pang in my chest. "I'm sorry," I repeated, but the words were useless now.

Meredith's face hardened, the wall she'd built rising higher. "I can't be your collateral damage again," she said, her voice trembling, though it was final.

I swallowed hard, the reality of my failure crashing down on me. I wanted to reach out, to beg for her to understand, but I knew I couldn't. She'd been waiting for me to show up for so long, and I had failed her too many times to expect any forgiveness now.

"Alright," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I'll go."

The door was like a barrier, separating us. I turned slowly, my heart heavy with regret. I reached for the handle, hesitated for a moment, then stepped out. But before I could leave, I turned back to face her.

"Please don't keep Mia away from me. I… I need her," I said, the tears I'd been holding back finally falling.

Meredith nodded, her voice soft. "I wouldn't do that to her."

Her words gave me some small comfort, but they didn't erase the pain.

I gave her one last look before she closed the door behind her. I stood there for a moment, feeling like the ground had been pulled out from under me.

With a heavy heart, I sat down on the sidewalk and called for a cab. It was over as quickly as it had started. And just like that, I was back to square one.

AN: Need your reviews now more than ever! This next part of the series is going to be the hardest to write. We're in a weird phase and Derek needs to heal for real and face his demons. He can't be what Meredith and Mia needs until he does this. When I was first mapping out this story, I wanted Derek and Meredith to wait to try their relationship until everything was certain and he was healed but as I wrote, I realized that's just not how life works and that's not how they work in my opinion. What makes their love story so beautiful is how drawn they are to one another. It made sense to me that they would get ahead of themselves and give into the pull they both have for eachother. Unfortunately, like we saw in season 4 work has to be done to have a successful relationship and now Derek really has to do the work. Please bear with me and this story! Also, I'm going to ask something I never ask: If there is something you want to see, a theme you want explored etc. let me know and I will see if I can write it into this story. Thank you!