I'm back from the dead...crazy, huh? I almost don't believe it myself. Commence lengthy and apologetic AN...actually, I won't, because it will waste your time. You guys want to get to the chapter! You know the drill, I'm busy and whatnot. It feels great to be back, though! Thanks to all the new readers/reviewers, and the veterans as well.

I own nothing but the skin stretched across my bones.

EPOV

I will never forgive myself for the things I've done. I gave myself the role of protector after that first murder and now I completely blew it. Bella was physically battered and emotionally scarred for life, and it was entirely my fault. Everyone kept repeating how I couldn't have done anything to prevent the incident and that I shouldn't feel guilty. But I couldn't help myself. I had to. She was my responsibility. I knew that psycho son of a bitch was on the loose and yet I still let Bella go in there alone. What was I thinking? I was sick and disgusted with myself.

I tried as hard as I could to keep it together for Bella. I'd make sure that she was comfortable and got the things she needed. If she was hungry, I'd make her something to eat. If she was cold I'd give her a blanket. I'd sit with her in silence or talk about anything if she so desired. Her injuries and emotional pain were far more extensive than mine. But sometimes when I was alone for a brief minute, or in the middle of the night, I'd experience this hollow feeling, like an emptiness that went on for miles. Small, broken sobs would escape from my throat, and I'd curl myself into a ball until morning, or until Bella needed me. She was everything to me. If she wasn't content, then I wasn't taking care of her well enough. Her pain made me suffer. From now on I would be her guardian. I'd protect her from harm, no matter what the cost.

Bella and I slept in my bed. I told her that I would sleep on the couch so she would be more comfortable with the entire King sized bed, but she wasn't having it. I stayed because it was what she wanted, and I didn't want to leave her alone for a second.

It was Sunday night and both Bella and I were fast asleep. I was having a strange dream about pipes bursting and a man-eating couch, when I heard a loud 'thump.' It was so dense and sudden that it woke me up from my sleep immediately. My body shot straight up and I looked around the dark room. Bella wasn't next to me. I started to panic slightly, my chest heaving up and down with each shallow breath. Needless to say, I felt like a puddle of flesh on the floor.

"Bella," I sobbed, addressing the darkness. She was gone and I had lost her again. Would this torture never end? I felt like carving a 'B' into my chest so I would always be reminded of the failure I was. I would carry the burden of losing her in so many ways.

"Damn," I heard a small voice answer back. I knew it couldn't be the blackness of the night, and instantly I felt hope.

I ran around to the other side of the bed. "Bella!" She was lying on the ground, half covered by blankets, wincing in pain. I quickly flicked on the light so I could see her. Bella's hair was skewed in several different places and was reminiscent of a haystack. Her T shirt had lifted up and was exposing her stomach and the bottom of her breasts. Normally this would have sent Little Eddie into a frenzy, but lately if I had ever felt like that towards Bella I felt guilty. I felt like I was taking advantage, even if I wasn't doing anything. My girlfriend was attacked and she quite possibly could have been raped, and I was lusting after her like a shameless horn dog. I pushed all lustful thoughts aside and scooped her up easily in my arms, walking into the living room. I placed her gently on the couch and wrapped her in a blanket and moved into the kitchen to make her tea.

"Edward," came my angel's voice from the living room.

I made a bee line for the couch and kneeled down to her level. "Yes?"

"You don't need to do all of this. I just fell out of bed, that's all. I'm fine."

"Did you have a nightmare?" I was so frightened for her well-being. How could this bastard be visiting her in her dreams? He had terrorized Bella enough; he had no right to keep doing so. It was unfair. Even after he was gone, he was still controlling the situation. I was livid.

What stopped my angry thoughts was the fact that she didn't answer me.

"Bella? Did you hear me?"

I walked over to where she was seated on the couch and saw her, arms crossed, brow furrowed, and lip pouted. She looked like a small child in time out. It was cute yet troubling at the same time.

"I heard you," she muttered out of the corner of her mouth. I took that as a sign that she didn't want to talk about it, so I gave her the space she obviously needed and moved back to the kitchen to finish the tea.

It was deadly silent; the noisy stillness could cut through stone. For the first time in our relationship, it felt awkward and wrong. I didn't know what to say, and I felt that I couldn't say anything. He was tearing apart the comfort of our relationship. What was it that people said? The aftershocks are worse than the initial blow? Something like that. Well…it's true.

I made my way carefully and quietly to couch and sat down beside her, handing her the hot tea once I had settled myself. She took it without a word and without a look my way. She wasn't still in her nightmare, but I could tell she was thinking deeply about something. Her eyes were fixed on a point in the rug, and they didn't show any signs of moving. I wanted to ask her how she was, find out the trouble she was in. But I was afraid it would make her retreat farther in to herself. I tried anyway.

"Bella? Are you alright?" I tentatively asked her, fearing the answer.

Her eyes remained fixated on the rug and her mind was another place all together.

"How can I help you if you don't talk to me?" I was being brave tonight.

"I don't need help. I can take care of myself, like I've told you a thousand times before." Her words were laced with spite and said through clenched teeth.

"You're obviously not well. You haven't spoken to anyone what has happened, you won't answer the phone, and you won't talk to me. There is no way in hell that you're okay because you haven't communicated anything." Didn't she see how much I wanted to help? Didn't she understand that she was making herself sicker by bottling up everything from me, her friends, and family?

"I never said I was alright. I just said I could take care of myself. I can figure things out on my own."

***

It went on like this for days. I took care of Bella as much as I could. We didn't speak most of the time. She wouldn't open up to me and I tried to give her some space. The tension was building as we fought more in this short time span than we had ever fought in the past. It was worrying me. The police called Bella in to properly identify the man who attacked her using a photo they showed her down at the station. They assured the both of us that they were doing everything they could to find him, which warranted a snort of disapproval from me and a cold, blank stare from Bella.

She was turning into a zombie. She wouldn't tell me what was on her mind, if there was anything going on in there. She seemed to walk through the days like some sort of living dead. I was growing more worried by the hours. I suggested she see a therapist, or a specialist in post traumatic stress disorders, but I would immediately be met with an angry yell or a spiteful glare. Things just kept getting worse, and I felt Bella was slipping into an apathetic black hole. I would have felt better if she had shown some sort of emotion; it would make sense if she was angry or sad all the time. At least then she'd be communicating her feelings and possibly more open to therapeutic ideas. But this wasn't the case. She was listless and indifferent, and I had no idea how to handle it. I was failing again, and I couldn't handle it.

I fell asleep on the couch, exhausted from balancing work and Bella, when I felt a familiar and wonderful sensation below the belt. It had been so long since I had felt this, and I welcomed it, whatever it was. I didn't think twice until I heard a soft moan that wasn't mine. My eyes fluttered open to see Bella stroking my lonely member. I was flabbergasted.

"Bella! What the hell are you doing?" I quickly moved her hands away and zipped my pants back up, though my very alive erection made it painful.

Bella moved her legs so she was straddling me, and started to kiss me with fervor.

"You're just so sexy…" she purred.

Normally I would have welcomed this kind of attention, but I didn't think she was ready to do anything like this. I was confused and felt it wasn't right. I pushed her off me, bewildered, and turned to question her.

"What's going on, Bella?"

"What? I'm not attractive to you now that I'm damaged?" she screamed at me. This was the most animated I had seen her since the incident. She threw up her arms and stood up, pacing in front of the couch. "You haven't tried to fuck me since I came home from the hospital. What the hell, Edward?" She pulled at her hair and let out a blood-curdling scream, one that would have suggested she was being murdered if she hadn't been standing there right in front of me.

"I don't understand…" I trailed off, thoroughly puzzled.

"You're treating me like I'm broken! Like…like…like I'm paralyzed! All I want is my normal life back! There's no reason why we can't just go back to the way it was! Why the fuck won't you let me?"

"Bella, something very terrible happened to you that night. You can't just expect everything to be alright again," I reasoned.

"I see the way you look at me. Don't you see the bags under your eyes? You're exhausted from putting all your energy into making me feel better."

"But you need my help. You don't even seem alive anymore, Bella. What am I supposed to do, leave you alone?" I couldn't do that.

"YES! Let me figure things out on my own. I'm not used to having people help me along the way. If I can do it by myself, I know that I can get better if you'll let me. So don't handle me like a fragile china doll. Let me cook my own food. Let me make my own tea. Let me make love to you like I know you want to. It isn't fair for one event to make our lives so miserable."

I shook my head. "That's where you're wrong. Taking care of you doesn't make me miserable. Seeing you so hurt is what does."

She ran her hands roughly through her mangled brown hair. She was stressed out, and I wasn't helping. But she just couldn't understand what I was trying to tell her. She needed to hear me out.

She knelt down next to me, her palms spread and grasping her knees.

"I love that you want to help me out. But it's not helping your health. You have too much else to worry about than making sure I have a blanket at all times. If you let me figure some things out, everything will be much better for the both of us. I don't do very well with this hovering you've taken a liking to, Edward."

My head hung between my knees. I tried to hear what she was saying. It registered through my brain, but I couldn't bring myself to accept it. We sat in silence for several minutes.

"You're still attractive to me, you know. And I don't think you're damaged."

"Then why haven't you so much as kissed me on the lips these past weeks?" Her brow was furrowed and her eyes full of vulnerability, worry, and hurt.

I told her the truth. "You went through a great ordeal that night. I didn't think it would be appropriate to expect to jump your bones until you had healed."

"That could take years for me to be healed emotionally! People go through this. It's not just us. Do you think those people don't have sex? I know it seems a silly and superficial point, but it's an important aspect of our relationship. I want to make love to you, have sex with you, and fuck you, any way I want! James ruined a great night and, as it seems right now, a great relationship. I will not let him ruin my boyfriend's incredible sex drive."

Her right hand came up to cup my cheek and I held her left one. Her eyes were set and determined. I knew she wouldn't move on the subject. Though initially I felt uncomfortable, I could see her point. Hadn't I just been thinking how much I hated that this man was controlling her life even after the fact? She felt that way too, and this was her own way of breaking free of James' hold. I would give that to her.

I reached over to kiss her gently on the mouth, and pulled away quickly.

"Are you sure?" I asked, affirming her decision wasn't just a whim.

Her answer came in the form of a hard, passionate kiss and both hands running through my hair. For the second time that night she straddled me, grinding her clothed center into my growing erection.

I knew her problems weren't solved. She was still hurting; she was still traumatized. But I heard what she had said. She wanted to try healing by herself. She wanted to sort through her emotions, troubles, feelings on her own, and I would respect that. Though not everything was righted, what she needed now was to know that my feelings for her hadn't changed from before the incident. I still needed her, and I still wanted her.

My hands gently caressed her curves, making their way slowly to cup her bottom softly. Her tongue probed my mouth and joined with my own. Our movements were slow and passionate. Not at all like some of our previous encounters which, though enjoyable, were mostly fueled by raw, animalistic need. Now we were just two people with these overwhelming feelings for each other. One needed reassurance, and the other would give it to her.

Bella's hands untangled themselves from my hair and ran down my chest, fiddling with the bottom hem of my old T-shirt, which I knew as a signal to take it off. She guided the green shirt off my skin and over to the side of the couch and continued to kiss me sweetly, yet hungrily. Knowing that we would never be able to do this on the couch, I picked her up; her legs wrapped around me tightly, and moved us into my bedroom. I laid her down gently on top of my comforter and just looked her over. If I believed in God, I would have considered her an angel. She was beautiful to me in every way, and in this sweet moment I wanted her to be around longer. I couldn't bear for her to be taken away from me.

"What?" she asked, amused with a hint of worry.

"You're beautiful," I answered with a smile, catching her plump pink lips with my own before she could say anything more. Our loving, tender kisses continued as I ran my hand up and down her body, feeling and remembering every inch of her. Our clothes were removed slowly until we were pressed up against each other without any barriers. I was hers and she was mine, and in this instant, we were both equally vulnerable and equally consumed with passion.

I shifted my weight onto my right arm, my fingers gently caressing her wet core, my lips nipping and sucking at the hollow behind her ear. Her hands grazed my engorged dick, the tender touches continuing for what seemed like hours. This wasn't about achieving release; it was about knowing and feeling each other wholly and completely. This was about making love to one another on another emotional level. We were progressing to the next step, and it had slipped past both of us. We were getting deeper into this relationship.

"I want you," she said, a loaded statement with several different meanings. And, as I was thinking the very same thing, I was glad she said it.

I easily slipped my cock into her tight canal, and her head fell back in complete bliss. The feeling of not only her walls tight around me, but also her entire being as a person, as a lover, as my girlfriend, as someone I could potentially love, was wonderfully maddening. I wanted to continue to explore her and continue to be with her. I felt her presence wrapped around me as I pushed into her, back and forth, sliding in and out. Nothing was said during this period of lovemaking, only panting and groaning were audible; we both knew what the other was thinking.

The length of foreplay that preceded this act had left us both extremely sensitive, and after a couple more thrusts into my beauty we both came, our breaths shorter with stars behind our eyes and in our ears.

Not everything was solved, but a new level of closeness was established.

I really really really want to know what you think about this chapter. Give me some feedback with substance. It drained me emotionally and pulled a little bit at my sanity.