Alice? I thought to myself.

"Bella, please! I know you're in there!"

I picked myself up off the floor and opened the door to see Alice looking concerned and out of breath.

"Why didn't you answer my calls or texts?" she yelled at me, pushing her way in to the apartment. I felt too stunned to respond. The last time I saw Alice I was banishing her from this apartment, enraged at her for blaming Edward for what happened with James Campbell. Truth be told, I was expecting her to reach out at some point, and it puzzled me that she never did.

I shut the door and turned towards Alice.

"Well?" she said, her hands on her hips.

"I was sleeping," I said, quietly.

"Sleeping? All day?"

"I…I guess so."

The two of us just stood there in silence, looking at each other, unsure of what to say.

Finally, after what felt like minutes, I blurted out, "Why didn't you call me after that day?"

She looked confused and hurt. "You made it quite clear you didn't want me to be meddling in your life. So, I listened."

"But weren't you worried about how I was doing?"

"Of course I was. And I was keeping tabs on what was going on." I looked at her, confused, and she elaborated. "After you kicked me out of your apartment, Edward called me, and we met up for coffee."

"WHAT?"

"He wanted to apologize for not keeping you safe and promised that he was doing everything he could to help you recover. I wanted to call you, but he agreed with you that you needed some space to breathe and offered to keep me updated on how you were doing so I would at least know what was going on."

I looked at her, my eyes wide, mouth agape.

"Edward told me he would work on getting you to call me so we could talk about everything and go back to normal." Alice's demeanor changed. She seemed…ashamed. "But I guess he never did. I should have just reached out to you on my own anyway. I'm sorry I let the distance grow between us."

"It's okay," I said softly. "In a way, I'm glad you listened. I think. I don't know." Then something dawned on me. "Wait…so why are you here now?"

She shifted uncomfortably, looking down at her shoes. "Edward texted me and told me you guys broke up."

I rolled my eyes. "I would have reached out you eventually. Jesus Christ it literally just happened yesterday! Can't get any time to process what happened I guess?"

"He was just worried about you."

"I'm assuming he told you everything?"

"No, he just told me that you broke up and asked that I check on you. That's all. I tried calling but you didn't answer. I waited as long as I could before coming over here to check on you."

With a sigh, I walked over to the couch and plopped down, holding my head in my hands. Alice followed and sat beside me. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, her hand rubbing circles on my back. It was that show of affection from my best friend who I had been missing for months that finally broke me, my hands still supporting my head as I sobbed, hunched over.

So, I told her everything that had been going on since I ordered her out of my apartment. The pain of reliving the trauma, the difficulty and desire of getting back to a normal life, feeling smothered and babied by Edward, the betrayal of Edward bypassing me and scheduling an appointment with a therapist, and finally, the breakup. I didn't look at Alice the whole time I spilled my guts, but when I was done, I turned to her, and noticed she had tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Bella," she said, barely a whisper, "I am so sorry. I should have been here for you. But…you seemed so serious that day when you told me to leave. I hadn't ever seen you like that, so I wanted to respect your wishes. And I really thought you were in good hands with Edward."

"No, I'm sorry. I know you were just trying to help. But honestly, everything that has happened with Edward brought up a lot of feelings about how I have been living my life, and how I have let other people override my own feelings. And that includes you, Alice." She winced. "I just want to know that you hear me and respect me and…I don't know…" I paused to take a breath. "I just want you to love me for who I am, rather than who you want me to be or who you think you can transform me to be. I love you for pushing me outside of my comfort zone, but there's a difference between that and totally steamrolling me. Does that make sense?"

Alice grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me in a bear hug that was quite impressive given her small stature. "Yes, it does and I'm so sorry. I promise to be a better friend to you from here on out."

I hugged her back and cried tears of joy to finally have expressed my feelings, and to have my best friend back.

We pulled apart from each other and Alice looked at me seriously. "But I do want to say something. I'm not telling you what to do, just giving you my two cents as your best friend, who is concerned for your well-being. Is that okay?"

"Go on…" I was hesitant, but curious.

"I think it would benefit you to go to a therapist. I don't agree with the way Edward went about things, but I do agree it would be helpful."

I looked around the room, at everything and anything but Alice. I knew deep down that it was the right thing to do. But how could I admit what else I was feeling?

Staring off at nothing, I took a huge breath and let it out. "I know. But I'm…scared." I shifted my gaze downward, embarrassed.

Alice took my hands in hers. "Bella, look at me." I raised my head to meet her eyes. "I know you're scared. It would be an incredibly brave act for you to face those fears and tackle this head-on. I just want you to get better and process this horrible thing that happened to you. And I will be here for you every step of the way, in any way you want me to be."

I started to sob again, and pulled my best friend into a hug, never wanting to let go. I was scared, exhausted, and anxious, but in that moment, the overwhelming happiness to have Alice back in my life thankfully took over.

"Thank you so much, Alice. I'll go to therapy. I promise I'll go."

"Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself."

We pulled away from the hug. "I am."

"Oh my god," Alice said. "I just realized…Edward is your neighbor. How are you going to navigate that? Should we move you out of this place?" Her tone was joking.

"No need. He already did that."

"WHAT?" Alice bellowed. "The breakup literally just happened yesterday! Did he tell you where he was going?"

I snickered. "No, he didn't even tell me he was moving. I woke up this morning and was going to walk over to his place to talk about…well, I'm not really sure what I wanted to say. But when I opened the door there was a box of my stuff at my door and his apartment was completely empty. One of the neighbors told me there were movers here super early this morning."

Alice shook her head in disbelief. "Wow, that's just…dramatic, much?"

"You were just ready to move me out of here!" I managed a little chuckle.

"Yeah, well, it's different. You're my best friend so I will always go the dramatic route for you. And I meant, you know, look for a different place over the next few days, not within hours." She rolled her eyes again.

"Seems he couldn't get away from me fast enough." Tears welled up in my eyes. I was the one who broke up with him. Edward leaving so quickly was a rejection that stung, like he was confirming that we weren't meant to be together.

A mischievous glint appeared in Alice's eyes. "Should we stalk him on social media? See if we can figure out where he's going? Or…or…I could reach out to him and ask where he's moved to just so I can know for, like, I don't know…safety reasons?"

"I appreciate you, Alice, but if he doesn't want me to know where he is, I don't want to snoop around and find out. It's probably for the best it's this clean break with no contact. We were getting co-dependent, and I need to sever that tie."

She just shrugged. "Okay, if you're sure."

"I am," I nodded sadly. But was I sure? Wasn't I going over to his apartment to talk things out, see if we could reach an understanding, a compromise? Didn't I wake up wanting to salvage things? Or did I just want to see him one more time? I couldn't even understand my own motives and desires. Trying to get back together with Edward would not have been a good idea anyway. Get it out of your head, Bella. It's over.

"Bella?" Alice said, breaking me out of my conversation with myself. "I lost you for a minute there. What do you want to do now? It's late, but we could order takeout, or go to my place, whatever you want."

I pursed my lips and furrowed my eyebrows, thinking. "I think I just want to be alone tonight. I'll text you in the morning though."

She looked hesitant. "Okay, just promise to text me tomorrow." Alice's lack of protest showed me she had absorbed what I had to say. It felt good to stand up for myself, albeit in such a small way. It gave me the confidence to do more, to make a bigger step, starting with calling a therapist in first thing in the morning. In that moment, I felt optimistic about the future.

A week later, I pulled into a gray office park, the buildings cold and angular, in a style that would have been considered modern in the 80s. My first therapy appointment was in 10 minutes with someone named Gemma Hastings, LPC. We spoke for about 15 minutes over the phone the day after Alice came over to check on me, and she had seemed warm and inviting, so I was feeling hopeful about the first session today.

I hopped out of my truck and shut the door, looking up at the depressing building in front of me. It didn't fit with the therapist's voice or demeanor over the phone. I walked up the steps and through the front door, and found the suite directly to the left, and walked inside. Bells tinkled as the door opened and shut. The waiting room was the antithesis of the office park exterior. There were plants everywhere, comfy seating, and soothing meditative music playing softly in the background.

I walked up to the receptionist and checked in, bringing intake forms over to a particularly worn and boho olive green couch, and plopped down into the seat. I breezed through the basic questions until I got to the first question on the second page, which read, "Describe what brought you to therapy." There isn't enough room on the page for this mess. Just then a wispy looking woman in gaucho pants and draped in a shawl came out of the hall.

"Isabella?" she asked.

"You can just call me Bella." I stood up to walk over to her.

"It's great to meet you, Bella. I'm Gemma. Please, follow me." We walked down the hall and into the second door on the right.

Gemma's office was a continuation of the warmth in the waiting room. There were lush, green plants all around the room, including one that trailed across the far wall above a huge window. There were several slouchy but cozy looking armchairs in the middle the room, including an antique-looking burgundy wingback chair with a dark wood end table next to it, and a steaming mug of something next to it. This was obviously Gemma's chair. There was an oak antique desk pushed up against the wall with the window, books and incense and plants strewn across it. A cream shag area rug covered most of the floor.

"Please, take a seat where you're comfortable," Gemma said, as she sat gently down in her own chair. I took the bizarre emerald leather chair directly across from hers. Emerald like Edward's eyes, I thought. The upholstery felt strangely cold, even through my jeans.

I looked across at the bohemian therapist in front of me. "Sorry, I didn't get a chance to finish these." I gestured with the clipboard of intake forms in my hand.

"That's okay," she said, softly, "I can take those from you." She held out a hand and I stood up to give her the clipboard. "We'll go over everything in our session today."

I sat back down, and the chair groaned. "Hmm," Gemma mused. "That chair may be close to giving out altogether. Would you mind just choosing another one? I don't want you to get hurt. I promise to have that replaced before we meet again."

I stood up and looked around, and settled on the velvety soft, brown chair next to me. Draped over the back, was a Native American woven blanket, tribal symbols arranged in a repeating pattern. The chair was warm and oddly comforting.

"So, now that we're all settled, let's talk a little bit about your history."

I gave her an overview of my childhood, where I grew up, how I felt about it, and my relationship with my parents and peers. We talked about my experience as an only child growing up with parents who divorced when I was just a baby, and growing up several states away from my father. Gemma asked me about my past romantic relationships, and when we got to Edward, my heart felt stuck in my throat.

Gemma must have noticed, because she asked, "What's coming up for you with this most recent relationship?"

I took a deep breath and sighed it out. "We just broke up a week ago. He's actually the one who suggested that I go to therapy. He was also involved in the…incident I mentioned over the phone."

"That is so recent," she said, her tone sympathetic. "It must be hard to no longer be with someone who fully understands the trauma you've been through. Is there anyone else you can talk to about this?"

I paused, thinking. "I only just recently re-connected with my best friend after this months long fog, the one whom I yelled at for blaming Edward for the incident. I think she'd be supportive, but I don't know…I'm not sure she would fully understand. She's never been through anything like that. No one in my life has."

Gemma nodded, listening intently. "Having a social support structure is very important when dealing with a mental health issue, or any major life event, really. I would encourage you to use the support that you already have, to the extent that you feel comfortable. But I'd also like to offer you a support outside your circle of family and friends. My colleague runs a group therapy program for people who have experienced trauma in their lives. It meets every other week at a church about ten minutes from here. If you're looking to talk with people who have been through similar situations, who can relate to the aftermath of trauma, I definitely recommend it. Sometimes it can be easier to talk to people who are outside your circle, as an addition to talking to your friends and family."

She stood up and gracefully walked over to her desk, shuffling through some papers. She found what was looking for and walked over to me to hand me a flyer for the group session she was talking about.

She must have sensed my hesitation, because she continued, "Give it some thought. It might seem odd to talk to a bunch of strangers about your specific experience, but you never know what you might find, or who you might meet. Worst case, you waste an hour of your time and you don't go back. I'm still here and we will still have our sessions regardless, of course."

"Sure," I nodded. "Thanks, I'll consider it."

And so that is how I ended up in this damp church basement, milling about with a dozen other people, who appeared to be from all different walks of life. Once the clock struck 7:00pm on this cold Tuesday in November, everyone sat down in hard folding chairs that were positioned in a circle. The group leader was just about to introduce himself, when the basement doors squeaked open and slammed shut. I looked up in the direction of the noise and saw feet quickly descending the stairs.

When their face came into view, I gasped. It was the absolute last person I would have expected.