The Letter

by CometESwooze

The only thing harder than being open about your feelings is keeping them hidden away.

Sue let out a deep breath that she didn't know she was holding in as she scanned the paper in front of her. Everything that had been weighing on her mind was now set free on this canvas. She could have typed this letter out, made it look all prim and proper, but it was important that it came from her own hand. Though it weighed on her mind, it came from the heart, and Sue hoped that this would come through when, or if, he read it. At least now, for the moment, it was not bouncing around in her head as a distraction.

It didn't stay her racing heart, though, which thumped loudly as she read the words to herself. How would he feel about it? Was this a mistake? Sue looked up to the clock on her wall, it was late, but she didn't need the time to tell her that. The January sun had long since gone down, and she could feel the grasp of sleep tugging at her mind. After looking back down and going over the rest of the letter, she was satisfied with it, or rather, she knew it was as good as it was going to get. The paper was gingerly folded up into thirds and slid into an envelope. The final touch was his name scrawled onto the front of it, and then Sue set it up on her nightstand.

The girl yawned and stretched one last time before going into the bathroom to prepare for bed. The whole time the words of her letter floated around in her head. Was it enough? Did she truly get out everything she wanted to say? What if she was missing something? Maybe she should think about it some more… Sue closed her eyes, groaned and shook her head, toothbrush still in her mouth. The whole point of the letter was so that she wouldn't have to think about it anymore. It was now out in the open, in its own way, a secret she kept close to her heart for years. Many times she tried to put herself in a position to tell him, but something always got in the way. It was easier just to be mean. Then she'd reflect on her actions, and feel like Lucy, which didn't help.

Sue finished her nightly routine and hit the lights in her bathroom. She slid into her pajamas and then, after hitting the lights in her room, slid into bed. Through the pale moonlight that slipped in through the crack in her curtains, she could see his name illuminated on the envelope, as though it were beckoning to her. She'd taken a big step, now came the next hardest part - actually delivering it to him. She knew it may be better to just tell him all of the contents of the letter herself, but she also knew he'd never listen to her, and it would be awkward for her to dump years of feelings on him all at once. This was for the best, he could read it on his own time, and she could try and avoid him after it was delivered.

Another groan escaped Sue's lips and she rolled over. The whole point of this venture was not to run away from her feelings for the boy, but to face them head on. Would doing that from a distance still count as facing it head on? Stacy spent all of her time writing secret admirer notes to Mike, and that ended up going nowhere. 'But at least she had the courage to try', Sue thought. All of her thoughts congealed again and sat as a weight in her mind once more, bringing her full circle. She had to encourage herself about the whole thing. It seemed foolish, childish even, to fantasize about the best case scenario, and she'd heard whisperings that he may be interested in another girl… but what else was new? Well, this girl was one he'd known even longer than her, for one…

The doubt was pushed out her mind and was replaced with a scenario of her own. After closing her eyes, the movie in her mind began. She'd walk up to him, letter in hand, and give it to him. He'd be confused, but accept it, and acquiesce to her request to read it after school. And when he did, he'd find her as soon as he could, tell her he had no idea she felt that way, and that he'd be willing to give them a try. He wouldn't be sure about it at first, but would warm up to her, and they'd finally, FINALLY see eye to eye after all this time. They'd hold hands, he'd hold her in his arms, run his fingers through her hair, tell her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her… Sue shuddered and smiled, an intense blush burning her face as she let the last part of her daydream play on repeat in her mind, lulling her to sleep.

When Sue awoke the next morning, the motivation she had when she fell asleep had gone. Though her conscious mind had fabricated a romantic rendezvous, her unconscious mind filled her dreams with failure and dread. He refused her letter, laughing at her and thinking it was a joke. She was crushed, and spent the rest of the day fighting back tears. Everyone was staring at her, reading her mind and feeling her thoughts. It was more embarrassing than anything she'd ever experienced. The alarm on her nightstand went off, alerting Sue to get out of bed soon if she were to catch the bus in time. Her hand came down on it without looking, and when it did she felt paper crumple a little underneath it. The burmese lifted her hand up immediately and looked at the letter, picking it up and inspecting it for any damage. It looked fine.

Sue sighed sadly, melancholy pouring out of her to the words she'd written on the envelope. Even if this would end in failure, she had to try. The weight in her mind fell into her stomach, forming a knot. Whatever she was going to do, she felt her time to do it was running short. If she were to have a shot, she'd have to get to him before another girl… or maybe boy… did. Sue put the letter down and set about getting her school things together, as well as slipping out of her pajamas and slipping her holly necklace around her neck. She quickly brushed her hair in the mirror and was on her way out her bedroom when she stopped short - she'd nearly forgotten her letter. That was her one and only mission today - get it delivered.

When Sue entered the kitchen, her mom was preparing to leave herself. Yet, she didn't miss a beat when it came to her daughter. She noticed she wasn't as in high spirits as she usually was. "Good morning, Susan. Did you sleep well?" She asked with concern.

"Mm?" Sue responded, still waking up and shaking off the nightmare she'd had. "Oh, yes ma'am. I'm okay."

Her mom narrowed her eyes at her daughter, concern deepening. "I only asked if you slept well, not if you were okay…"

Sue grimaced, realizing her slipup and backpedaled. "I just figured you asked because maybe I looked off."

"Are you feeling off? Do you need to stay home from school today?" Her mom asked, probing gently for more details.

Sue stiffened. Staying home would mean failure in her mission. She shook her head. "I'm good. Just still waking up, you know?"

"Okay then…" Was what she got back in reply. Her mom continued to check her purse to make sure everything was accounted for. When she turned around to grab her keys from the kitchen table, she noticed an envelope laying face down on it. "What's this, are you mailing a letter?"

Sue nearly dropped the box of cereal that she was intending on having for breakfast onto the floor. She threw the box down onto the table a little too fast, causing it to fall on its face and spilling bits of cereal everywhere, including onto her letter. It was swiftly snatched up by the girl and slid into her backpack. "It's just for a school project." She lied. "For my world language class. We're getting penpals from overseas."

Her mom paused and observed her daughter for a few moments, trying to determine how much of a lie she was telling. It was no doubt not the whole truth, but what parts of it were false? If any of it wasn't false. The buzz of a cell phone took her attention away from her judgement and she looked down at it. "Oh goodness, I really must be on my way!" She said, "Good luck with your penpal, Susan. I hope to hear all about it when they write back!"

"Of course, mom!" Sue said with a fake smile, now wondering how she was going to explain it when she never, in fact, got a letter in return. Sue's mom left in a hurry, leaving Sue alone with an empty bowl and a full table. Sue herself sighed and swept up the cereal with her hand little by little, disposing it all in the trash can. She properly finished making her breakfast and ate in contemplation. Writing all of her feelings in the letter was supposed to make dealing with them easier, but now it was making her more scared. These were all new steps for her, sure she had been with McCain for a while, but he was so much easier to handle than this other boy. He was brash, and loud, and arrogant and… she hung her head. Confident… fun… handsome… and it wasn't like she didn't have her own foot in the mouth moments too. But whereas he didn't care about his own moments like that, she felt like it was a deep failing on her end with each one. And deep down, she envied that in him.

The cereal was finished, and Sue headed out to the bus stop where she ran into Amaya. Quite literally, as her mind was still elsewhere, thinking about what the day ahead might hold. Perhaps it wouldn't be as good as she thought it would be, but it might not be so bad, either. Back in reality, Amaya stumbled a little bit before Sue realized what she'd done. She smiled sheepishly at her friend. "Oh, sorry Amaya. I should have paid more attention to where I was going."

Amaya gave her a friendly, sympathetic smile and a soft pat on the back to show that they accepted her apology. But their smile gave way to a face of concern, just as Sue's mother had given her that morning, and Sue looked away quickly. "Looks like it might rain later, what do you think?" Sue said looking up, trying to be nonchalant so Amaya wouldn't get on her case too. Unlike her mom, Amaya would be with her all day and there'd be no escaping their interrogating looks.

Sue felt a tug on her arm, and she tried to pretend she hadn't, but after a sharp tug she had no choice but to look at her friend. Amaya raised an eyebrow and Sue laughed nervously. She was normally on point with everything, and bowling down Amaya was certainly well out of the ordinary. "What?" The tan cat asked innocently.

Amaya's look didn't change and Sue huffed. "I'm fine, really! Just still waking up, you know?" It was word for word the same lie she had given to her mom. She hated lying to Amaya, but what was she supposed to do? Embarrass herself over her stupid schoolgirl crush? Even though her feelings were well beyond that… but it would be the best way to describe them. Her letter and feelings HAD to be kept secret, only to be shared with the recipient, at least for now.

There wasn't any time for further grilling as the bus had rolled up, and Sue thanked her luck that there was now an excuse to not talk about herself more. Both cats boarded the loud, crowded vehicle and found that there were no seats together, which furthered Sue's good fortunes. She shrugged at her friend and quickly sat down in an open spot before the bus took off and threw her flat onto the floor. Amaya was still worried for their friend, but there was no getting around the seating arrangement. Sue closed her eyes and rested her head back on the grey, faux leather seat, trying to center herself. She blocked out the noise, and focused on thinking of her goal.

It tied her stomach all up to think about, but Sue imagined it like a form of exposure therapy. The more she thought about it, the more she would acclimate to the idea, and the easier it would be to hand off her best kept secrets to the one person who they were meant for, the one person who had meant the most to her. 'Just hand him the letter, tell him to read it after school, and walk away.' She thought to herself, and imagined herself doing just that. Or maybe she could take a leaf out of Stacy's playbook, and leave it somewhere for him to find. No, she shook that thought away. With all respect to her friend, that was the coward's way out. This had to be delivered in person to show she really meant it… plus, there was no way to tell who wrote the letter otherwise, unless he recognized her handwriting, which she very much doubted.

She envisioned the scenario all the way up to when the bus made its final stop at the bus loop in front of Roseville High. Everyone got up at the same time, and Sue shamefully attempted to shuffle out before Amaya could catch up to her and press her for further information. Lying was not something she liked as an option even at the best of times, even to people she didn't like, so not being put in a situation to lie was her best bet. Outside the bus, Sue melded into the throng of other students walking up to the school, hoping she'd get away from Amaya long enough to deliver the letter and then pretend like nothing happened. She would get part of her wish granted, but after she found a quiet place under the stairs to pull out her letter, the boy was nowhere to be found. In fact, he was absent from their homeroom that morning.

Sue cursed her luck, but part of her mind sighed in relief. If he wasn't at school that day, she needn't worry herself over delivering her letter at all. Then Sue felt ashamed of this thought, knowing it was just the fear in her mind looking for some way out of exposing her deepest thoughts to the boy. Fortunately, he would end up showing up to school during their second period, having overslept. Sue gave him the same unamused look that she always did when he slacked off, but when he apologized to the teacher and explained that his shift at work ran later than expected the night before, she felt guilty and changed her expression to be disinterested to hide her guilt. It wasn't like he was late out of any sort of laziness… he was just working himself too hard.

Of course, he put himself in that position to begin with. He should have known better than to try and work so late on a school night! This made Sue feel a little better, but she wondered if it was the right thing to do, to justify her disdain for some of his behavior (that honestly she felt she could shape up if given the chance to work with him on it) if she was trying to confess her feelings for him. Moral dilemma aside, school was still school and she took great pleasure in using her schoolwork as a distraction. Not just from her plans, but from Amaya's gaze, who she felt staring into her mind from behind. Amaya was so perceptive of her sometimes, she wondered if the tabby had some form of telepathy.

However, Sue hadn't taken into account that the only open seat in the class was next to her, so when the tardy boy took it, she nearly fell out of her chair. She looked up from her paper to him, who glanced at her for a brief moment, looking at her quizzically, then frowned and went to get started on his own worksheet. Sue looked around. Everyone else was just as busy as she was with their work, and she teased the idea of covertly sliding the boy her letter while no one was looking. But then she thought of what it would mean to get caught. Surely it would get called out, and their second period teacher was infamous for reading notes that were passed in class out loud.

A small embarrassed noise slipped out of Sue when she imagined their teacher reading out all of her tender feelings for the whole class to hear. This noise caught the attention of the boy, who looked over at her and whispered harshly. "What was that?"

Sue steeled herself and frowned, hiding her moment of vulnerability. "Nothing!" She whispered back with the same level of energy. "Mind your business!"

The teacher looked up from her desk at the two students who were causing friction. "Is there a problem, you two?"

Sue stiffened, and a few of her classmates giggled. "N-no ma'am!" Sue replied quickly, attempting to put a lid on the situation.

"Good." The teacher said, keeping her eyes on the two for a moment longer before going back to paperwork of her own.

Sue let out a sigh of relief, but it didn't last long as she realized her lashing out at the boy hadn't bought her any favors, and would make convincing him to read her letter all the more difficult. She'd have to do some buttering up to him, not too much, just enough so he wouldn't be suspicious of her. Maybe she could help him with some school work, but realized that they didn't share their next class, which was world languages for her, and lord knows what for him. Then their final class was gym… Sue frowned at her paper. What was she going to do there, carry him? She doubted she was strong enough. Not like him, though… Sue glanced over at him, looking at the muscles in his arms. There was no denying it, he was gifted with a naturally attractive body. This wasn't the sole reason she liked him, though.

He was able to relax his mind in a way she couldn't, being at ease in nearly any situation. Unlike her, who felt a constant drive to prove herself to everyone, which ended up being her downfall a fair few times. Yes, he did go too far as well in that department, but she figured she could help with that, and maybe in return she could pick up a thing or two from him. He spoke his mind, which wasn't always a good thing, but sometimes he said what she was feeling about something, and she was too well mannered to call it out. He didn't always let other people get under his skin, either, unlike some other cats she knew. The boy was like cool incarnate, and these reasons, along with many others, topped off with his boyish charms and dashing good looks, drew her to him.

It was the oddest thing, too. By all means, he was the inverse of McCain, who was blunt, yet reserved, never wanting any attention. The fact she had such strong feelings for the other boy, that outlasted her feelings for her own boyfriend, vexxed her in some ways. Why was she so drawn to him still after all this time? Surely she would have, and should have, gotten over her feelings for him and moved on. So much time had passed, so many fights had, that if anything were to happen between them it would have happened already. Yet, here she was, holding onto a hand written love letter like it was middle school. Maybe if she delivered it, and he rejected her, she could finally let go, knowing that even with her best foot forward it wasn't going to work.

Or maybe it would destroy her, and she would be crushed under the weight of her own feelings. The fantasies from last night played in her head, and her face got red all over again. No, there was no way she would be able to just move on unscathed. That was just another cope from her anxiety. It was also terrifying because it meant the only other option was destruction. Perhaps she better start preparing for that now. Sue shook her head and gripped her pencil. She was a firm believer in how an attitude can change the outcome of a situation. If she believed it would fail, it would. And if she believed it would succeed, it would. Putting all of one's eggs in one basket was a bad idea, but Sue wasn't about to let some silly old saying get between her and success.

A tap came on Sue's shoulder and she jumped. Amaya was standing over her, looking as concerned as ever, and it was now that Sue took notice of the rest of the class. They were all getting up, as the period had ended. Meanwhile, Sue had been so deep in the quagmire of her own feelings that she'd hardly touched her worksheet. Fortunately, their teacher was giving them an extension to work on it as homework. Amaya stepped back, giving Sue room to get up and go to her next class. "I know what you're thinking, and I'm fine, really." She said as they left class together. "We all have our off days every once in a while, right?"

Having an off day was one thing, but to Amaya it was clear that Sue was totally out of it. Running into them at the bus stop, avoiding them when they got to school, and now hardly doing school work. Amaya put a hand on their friend's shoulder, and shook their head. Sue pulled away by rolling her shoulder so Amaya's hand would slip off. "I promise you, I'm okay. I'll admit, I do have a lot on my mind…" But upon seeing Amaya's eyes go big, she quickly followed up with, "But it's nothing I cannot handle on my own!"

Amaya was happy that Sue was opening up at least a little bit, but it was obvious there was much more going on under the surface. That was as much as Amaya was going to get from her, though, as Sue sped off. "I've gotta run to the other side of the school for my language class! See you at lunch!" The tabby stood in the hallway, watching their friend disappear into the crowd yet again. Whatever was bothering their friend must be deeply personal, because Sue was an open book with her. The only other time they felt Sue was hiding something from them was when they were at the art museum.

World language class provided Sue with a much needed refuge from the stress of that morning. It was a much more involved and challenging class than the others, which provided her with further escape from her pressing thoughts and feelings. That was, until it reminded her of lying to her mom about the letter, which not only made her think about it and the boy all throughout class again, but also the guilt and shame of giving her mom a bald faced lie. It caused Sue, who normally volunteered for every reading, to stay abnormally quiet, and when she was chosen by the teacher (against Sue's will), she stumbled over her words and faltered, garnering her odd looks from her classmates, as well as confusion from her teacher. This just further fueled Sue's anxiety and embarrassment, and she cursed herself for writing the letter to begin with, and for setting herself on this fool's quest. It had been nothing but trouble, HE had been nothing but trouble, but to her frustration, she couldn't bring herself to fully give up on it. This was all on her, it was not her crush's fault that she was acting up.

Sue wandered down the hallway to the cafeteria, wondering how else her absentmindedness would ruin her day, though this in and of itself was distraction enough to cause her to bump into a few people, tread on a few toes, and get a few angry looks and comments thrown her way that made her all the more self conscious. When she finally did arrive in the cafeteria, she made her way to the table where all of her friends always sat. She considered avoiding the table, just for today, but this would only raise suspicion, and Amaya was already suspecting something more was up. Sue had cornered herself with her own feelings. Things changed when she saw the boy was at the table, and sitting alone at the moment. This could be a good time to slide him her letter, but their exchange in second period reared its ugly head in her mind and she shied away from the idea. Whatever, it didn't matter, it was lunchtime and she needed to take a seat.

Sue took her seat across the lunch table from him as she always did, because it allowed her to steal glances at him when he wasn't looking. The boy was too busy chowing down on his own lunch to notice her. When he did, he looked up and smirked. "No lunch today, tryna lose some weight after watching that Big Fat Movie?"

The girl realized that her thoughts had once more sidelined her normal schedule, and the boy's words still hurt as they tended to do. Sue knew he was capable of tenderness, she'd seen him with so many other girls, and she sometimes wished she was in their place, and he was showering her with affection instead. When she looked up at him, initially there was hurt in her eyes, and for the briefest moment, she could see regret flit across the boy's face, but it was soon replaced with his signature cocky grin. Sue kicked her tender feelings to the curb and frowned. "No! I'm not fat!" She hissed back. "I just… I'm not hungry right now. And it's none of your business why I'm not eating lunch!"

This was also partially true. Sue was on a roll with the half truths that day. Seeing her crush, especially when it was a one on one, had really let loose the butterflies in her stomach, and she didn't think she could eat anyway. "Whatever, dude." The boy said, rolling his eyes, and going back to his lunch.

Sue looked down, feeling terrible. This would make it even harder to give him her letter. She had it with her, it was tucked securely in her backpack, all she had to do was lean down and take it out, slide it to him, and then leave before he could say anything… Sue felt herself following through with the motion, unzipping her backpack, and then…

"Hey bud!" Said the boy happily.

David had arrived and slid onto the table, interrupting the tense moment between Sue and her secret crush. "Welcome to Cafe De David!"

Sue let go of her backpack, now having a new lighting rod for her frustrations. She sat back up to look at the brown labrador. "Get off the table, David. Some of us are trying to eat."

"But not you?" David asked, noticing her empty area. "You know, if you need something to eat, I'm sure we could come to an arrangement…"

"Ugh, no thanks." Sue wretched, not even wanting to imagine what he meant by that. Knowing David, it was probably benign, but his words were always so poorly chosen.

"Alright, you're getting fur in my food." The other boy said, pushing him off. "I don't wanna be coughing up hairballs at work later." Sue's ears perked up. He had a workshift after school! She could meet him there, maybe when he went on break, and she could give him her letter. That way she wouldn't have to worry about him reading it at school and showing everyone else immediately. For the first time that day, she smiled. Now that she had a more secure plan, her mood improved tremendously.

"I think I will go get something to eat." She said, getting up, and though she wasn't the hungriest at the moment, she knew she would be paying for it later in gym class if she didn't eat.

"My offer's still on the table!" David called to her with an energetic wave.

Sue turned around to walk backwards as she walked away. The seated boy was still trying to push him off. "When I get back, you better not be!"

Sue turned around to see Amaya on her way to the table with their tray full of food. "Hello Amaya!" She said uncharacteristically cheerfully for that day. "I'm gonna get in line, I'll be back soon. Watch out, David's laying on the table again."

Amaya was left confused at Sue's sudden change of heart, watching her as she got in line. This worried her even more somehow, thinking maybe Sue was developing some sort of bipolar disorder, or perhaps it was as simple as it being that time of the month for her. The tabby shrugged and went to take her seat. Sue would open up and talk about it when she was ready. She was stubborn and strong headed like that, it reminded them of another certain cat they knew… Back at the table, David had finally been removed from it, and was now sitting next to his friend. He greeted Amaya with enthusiasm.

The rest of lunch remained relatively civil, though Amaya was on high alert still due to Sue's odd behavior and mood swing. They studied their friend as they ate, taking note of every movement, every word, every errant twitch. More than once did they catch their friend stealing glances at the boy across from them. This, compounded with the exchange with him from earlier, began to form puzzle pieces in their mind. They were scattered all over the place, but there was something to latch onto now, a place to start. Amaya pondered whether or not Sue's other actions that day were also related to it. When the lunch bell rang, and everyone got up, Amaya nudged Sue with her elbow.

"What's up, Amaya?" Sue asked, oblivious to her friend's detective work. "Still hungry? You can have the rest of my fries." Amaya shook their head. "Oh? Then what is it?"

Amaya jerked her head toward the boy Sue had been sitting across from at lunch, who was already on his way out the cafeteria and to the gym where Sue and Amaya would also be heading. "What?" Sue asked, confused, but this confusion gave way to a trickle of fear that Amaya was figuring out what was going on. "He wasn't bothering me or anything. You don't need to rough him up, but I do appreciate it."

This wasn't what Amaya meant, and they knew full well Sue understood this too. Amaya sighed and shook their head again. In turn, this made Sue even more standoffish. "Then I don't know what you mean. Let's just drop this, okay?" Normally the last bit would have been said sternly, but there was a pleading tone in Sue's voice that really hit Amaya, and they knew it would be best to completely let it go for now, though it wouldn't stop them from putting any pieces together in their own mind.

Gym class wasn't particularly anything special. They were all forced to go outside to run around the track, and the January chill was biting. It didn't help that more clouds had rolled in, blotting out what little warmth the winter sun would have provided. Most of Sue's friends, including Sue herself, did not have fur thick enough to stave off the low temperatures, which only encouraged them to run to warm up. Sue thought bitterly that the gym teacher had made them run outside on purpose because of this, because the school had a perfectly good running track in the gymnasium they could have used. As Sue ran, she took note of all of her classmates with thick enough fur to keep them comfortable, including her crush. A small scene of him hugging her to warm her up with his thick fur teased her mind, but Sue shook it off.

Sue saw Lucy jogging by, and wanted to join her, but she met up with Daisy. Eavesdropping was not something Sue was okay with, but something compelled her to listen in. She ran from a distance, and only caught a few words of their exchange. What Sue wouldn't have given to have Mike's super hearing at that moment. From what she gathered, Daisy was talking about a boy.

"He's NOT a loser and he's NOT shallow!" Sue heard Daisy say, practically yelling at Lucy. "He's really great and funny and smart and handsome and…" Daisy's voice lowered so much Sue couldn't make out the rest of what she said.

When it was Lucy's turn to speak up, Sue still only caught snippets, though one word filled her with a new anxiety - she was talking about taking Daisy to the place where her crush worked. Dread took hold of her heart, Sue was wasting so much time, dragging her feet, and if she didn't act fast she might lose her chance with the boy forever. Sue used this negative feeling as further fuel, she would get her homework done as quickly as she could, and then rush over to his work! She'd give him her letter, maybe even stay as he read it to make sure the point got across… and then…. And then… she didn't know what would happen. The rest would be up to him.

Gym class ended and Sue rushed to her locker, not even bothering with saying goodbye to her friends. If she was quick about it, she could do some of her homework on the bus. However, this time Amaya was quick about things too, and took Sue's hand as she was running to the bus to get a seat. "Amaya, what are you doing?!" Sue gasped as she felt her progress slow, but her heart did not slow with it. Her friend gave her a warm smile and simply patted her hand, and walked with her to the bus. This speedbump agitated Sue, she groaned and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited in line to board the bus.

Her eyes fell upon Amaya, who was back on the case of the Out Of Sorts Sue, and now the possibility this was due to her being lovestruck was beginning to take form. "I just wanna get home so I can get my homework done…" Sue explained. "Because… I wanna finish that quest that's been kicking our butts on Swordsvale!"

It was true that their guild was being run through the mill on a particularly difficult questline in their MMO, but Amaya knew this was a load of it. Saturday was their designated questing day, and there was no way that Sue would be able to do the quest on her own. They boarded the bus and took a seat together, with Sue trapped between the window and Amaya, who was now giving her a look that said plain as day, 'Why are you lying to me?' Sue's dodginess to being open to them was starting to hurt their feelings, even if just a little bit.

Sue was riddled with guilt over this and looked out the window. Her eyes happen to find the boy she'd been pining for, heading for his car in the school's parking lot, no doubt going straight to work. Amaya leaned forward to try and follow their friend's gaze as best they could, and when Sue caught wind of the tabby's inquisitive eyes, she averted them from the car. "How about we get a head start on homework?" Sue offered, and Amaya looked rather unenthused about this, but relented. Getting their homework done early wasn't the worst idea in the world.

The entire bus ride home was used up by this distraction, with Sue pouring herself into it, trying to keep focus. Her anxiety had been kicked out of her consciousness, and now manifested in one of her legs, which bounced wildly as she and Amaya worked. At one point, the tabby placed a hand on it to stop it's motion, which didn't work, and Sue didn't seem to notice it, either. Despite this, Sue managed to get a decent amount of work done before they got to their stop, which she had to be reminded of by Amaya who poked her cheek to get her attention. Sue looked up. "Whuh? Oh, we're here, good!"

They disembarked from the bus and Amaya wanted to take the opportunity now that they were alone to get to the bottom of Sue's wild behavior, but the girl in question was already speeding off toward her house to conclude her homework. "See you at school tomorrow, Amaya!" She called, but it was an odd thing to say, considering that it was Friday. Amaya wanted to yell at her to talk about what was going on, but that wouldn't make the situation any better. They threw their arms up and walked away, resigning themself to letting this unsolved mystery fester in their mind.

Sue's hand shook as she hastily tried to shove the key into her front door's lock. Time was bleeding away, every moment she wasn't heading toward him was a moment wasted. The door was thrown open and slammed shut once it was unlocked, and Sue thanked her fortune that her mother wasn't home to hear it, as she would definitely be given an earful for making such a racket. All that would serve to do is eat up more of her precious time. In her bedroom, all of her school things were dumped haphazardly onto her bed, and Sue shifted through them to find her homework sheets. Her pencil broke a few times to her annoyance as she rushed through her everything. Everytime the burmese looked at the clock, her heart seized up more and she pushed herself even harder.

One sheet done, then two, then three, and then it was all over. Sue let out a sigh of relief and went to put it all away when another page slipped out - the one from second period. Sue let out a cry of frustration and cursed herself for not paying attention in class and getting it done then. This worksheet would eat away at her mind if she didn't get it done right just now, and she knew she'd need to have a completely clear head for what she needed to do that afternoon. The paper was slapped down on her desk as the clouds grew darker, and threatened to rain. Frantic emotions in her mind and body made it hard for her to concentrate on this last push, but before long it was done, and that worksheet, along with the rest of them, were shoved into her binders and folders, and finally into her backpack.

All except her letter, of course. She picked it up and smiled. It was going to be over soon, but she still had no time to waste. Sue ran for the front door and bolted down the sidewalk. She knew where she had to go, it was all mapped out in her head. The dark clouds above found they could not hold back any longer, and they started their downpour. Sue didn't let it bother her, nothing was in the way of her and her mission, her crush, her happy future, now. She was closing the distance to his place of work, and she could see the neon sign shining in the rain. By now Sue was drenched from head to toe, but none of that mattered. Her heart raced harder than it ever had, a war drum to her internal battle, and she reached for the front door just as Daisy was running off in tears from the side entrance, which Sue didn't see. Nor did she see the boy following her right afterwards.

Sue burst into the restaurant, looking around for him. Lucy looked up from her booth. "Sue?" She asked in surprise, though it was more to herself than her friend. Sue marched straight up to the front counter and waved for an employee to come help her. She normally would be embarrassed by her impatient and demanding behavior, but time was of the essence.

At last she caught someone's attention. A male tan cat, the same one that had recruited Mike to the track team, came over with a smile. "Hi, how may I help you?" He said cheerfully.

"Do you know where Paulo is?" Sue asked, looking past James to the back, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

James smiled sheepishly. "Ah, sorry. I think he just left, actually." He looked at the side entrance door, which was still closing. "He's gonna get in trouble for walking out on the job… Is there anything else I can help you wi- hey, where are you going?!"

Sue had already pushed off from the counter the moment James had looked at the side door. Despite Lucy sitting on that same side of the Burger-Tron, Sue did not see her. Lucy had half a mind to see what was up, but the torrential downpour was enough to suade her mind to stay put. She decided to try Daisy's unfinished milkshake instead.

Sue rushed forward, running through every puddle, wiping her sopping wet hair out her eyes so she could see, ignoring the chill burying itself in her bones, all to catch up to him. And several feet away, she saw him, hugging Daisy, and she slowed down to watch and listen.

"P-Paulo?!" Daisy cried.

"I'm sorry." Paulo replied flatly. "I didn't know."

"What are you-" Daisy started, but trailed off. "W-what about your shift?! You can't just- You have to-" She tried turning around in his embrace. "And your uniform, it's-" But Daisy gave up and covered her face. "Oh don't look at me right now, you know how when it rains I-"

Paulo let go of the selkirk ragamuffin to get a better look at her. "Daisy." Daisy looked away. "Look at me." He continued.

"I don't wanna look." She squeaked, covering her face.

"You don't even want to try?" Paulo asked warmly. Daisy looked up at him. "Man, why do I always assume the worst."

Their back and forth continued, and Sue felt herself locked in place, unable to look away. She wanted so desperately for this to be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, that this was some fight they had and were getting over it as friends, but then Paulo threw out the word 'love'. Daisy fell into his embrace, and Paulo spoke tenderly to her as Sue wished he'd do for her. Then Paulo mentioned needing to go back to work, and Sue had enough sense to find a tree to hide behind. She stared with big eyes as they walked past, unsure if her heart was still beating anymore. When she was in the clear, she walked back onto the sidewalk, and saw her deepest love walk hand in hand with another girl. And she wanted to be happy for her friend Daisy, especially with everything that happened with Abbey, but still…

Sue's heart shattered into countless shards, and they cut up her insides as they fell. She was bleeding out from it, and without another beat, she ran for home. Her breathing became labored as she fought back her tears, and every terrible outcome she wished never to happen filled her mind. Daisy had gotten to the somali before her, and now she lost her chance. Sue still held onto the letter, the last remaining bit of love left in her, now dangerously close to coming apart with the water that was soaking through it. Sue pushed open her front door, now realizing she hadn't locked it in her rush on the way out, and ran to her room. In the privacy of it, on her warm, dry bed, the blood the thousands of pieces of her heart had caused to leak inside her welled up as tears that flowed freely from her eyes.

She had been close, so close, and like with every single one of her other plans it failed. Bitter tears, even stronger than the ones she shed when McCain and her split, soaked onto the pillow that she was burying her face in. Her body heaved with all the emotions she had been holding in not just that day, but the years leading up to it. It felt so unfair, she hated the phrase 'alls fair in love and war', but the facts were that she dragged her feet too long and she was paying the price for it. This was worse than him not accepting her letter from the start. He was now unobtainable. Maybe she should have been open to Amaya about it, maybe they could have even helped her get his attention. Paulo had a better relationship with Amaya than he did with Sue. Sue hated Daisy, and then felt bad for her jealousy. Hating Daisy wouldn't help at all. It would only serve to push Paulo away from her further.

After some time, Sue's tears slowed when she found herself too tired to continue. She was dreadfully fatigued, and dehydrated, so with a sniffle and a cough, she got up out of bed and wiped her eyes. The letter, which had been discarded on her nightstand, was dry now. A brief visual inspection showed no lasting damage to it, so at least she still had that. Sue didn't want to think about love at the moment, though. For now she wanted a cool glass of water, and to escape into Swordsvale until any thoughts about Paulo were gone from her head. Sue left the safety of her room and headed to the kitchen where her mom was just getting home from work. "There you are Susan! How did your - goodness! What happened to you?!"

Sue hadn't realized the state of disarray she was in, soaked to the bone, eyes bloodshot from her crying, and hair all matted up and tangled. Sue did her best to straighten herself out, but wiping her eyes again and running her fingers through her hair was like putting a bandage on a gaping wound. "I'm okay…" She croaked as she grabbed a glass and her mother scoffed.

"No, you're not! Susan, have you seen yourself?" Her mom said, flabbergasted that her daughter would try to fool her into believing such a thing when she was clearly in a rough shape. "What happened? Did someone bully you at school?"

Sue shrugged, really not wanting to dig back into the pit that she was desperately trying to pull herself out of. "It's probably just allergies… from the rain?" Sue put the glass under the water dispenser on the fridge and let it fill.

"Oh, no." Her mother said knowingly. "This is not allergies, and why on Earth would you be out in a rainstorm like this?" She was met with another shrug as Sue went to retreat back to her room with her water, but she placed an arm out on the frame of the kitchen archway to prevent Sue from going further. "What's going on then? If it's not someone bullying you, then what? A boy? Is it a boy?"

This made Sue flinch for a brief moment, as though her mom's words were punches and she managed to get one close. Her mom picked up on it immediately. "So it IS because of a boy. Did he break your heart? Do I need to have a word with him?"

Sue shook her head. Paulo hadn't broken her heart, she'd done that to herself. The last thing she'd want is her mom storming down to Burger-Tron to raise hell. "It's isn't… I'm okay, I'm just a bit tired, is all. School has been stressful recently."

"Because of this boy?" Her mom put it flatly, cutting through her daughter's nonsense. Then a new understanding flashed in her mind as she put a seemingly inconsequential event together with her new accusations. "That letter from this morning… that wasn't for some penpal, was it? That was a love letter for a boy."

There was no more use in lying to her. "I just want to forget about it, okay?" She whispered.

"Did you deliver it to him? Did he reject you?" Her mom asked, taking her arm back.

Sue really, really did not want to keep talking about it. She decided she would just put it all out there, rip it off like a band-aid, and be done with it. "I was too late." She sniffled, fighting back even more tears. "He likes another girl."

Her mom looked down at her hurting daughter sympathetically. She placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know how hard that can be. Did you at least tell him?" Sue shook her head slightly. "Well, don't you think he deserves to know?"

Sue thought about this for a moment. Did he? Would that make things awkward between them? Not that things could get more tense. What if he didn't react with her feelings in mind and laughed her off, flaunting Daisy as his new girlfriend? Would there be endless teasing from him, a constant reminder of her failure? She thought about the time when Lucy confessed her feelings to Mike, how awkward and bad things got between them. She certainly didn't want a repeat of that. Yet, her feelings were important, and she would certainly sleep better knowing it was out there to him and off her chest. Maybe he was only so gruff with her because he thought she hated him? She didn't blame him for that… But maybe if she showed some tender feelings toward him, he would ease up on her. Sue's head swam, she needed more time. Perhaps the weekend would clear her mind. "I need time to think about it."

"Very well. Take your time." Her mom said sweetly as Sue left for her room. "Just remember, the only thing that hurts more than rejection is living with the regret of not saying anything." Sue took these words into consideration, but left them to sit in the back of her mind as she took some desperately needed gulps of water and sat at her desk to get started on Swordsvale. If anything from earlier could be seen through a glass half full perspective, she had at least gotten all of her homework out of the way so she could focus on anything but something that was even tangentially related to Paulo.

Swordsvale always worked wonders to take her mind off things, but no sooner had she logged in, Amaya had jumped into her DMs. They lit up, and pinged her with a soft bloop. Sue hovered her mouse pointer over the box, contemplating if she should mute Amaya or not and continue to do her own thing, but she figured that would be rude, and she had already been plenty rude that day. Sue clicked on the window and read what Amaya had sent.

Mamaya: ヾ(•ω•)o

Yearrug: Hi Amaya. Sorry for running off earlier.

Mamaya: (｡Ó﹏Ò｡)

Yearrug: I know, I know. I've been a real pain today, especially to you. I'm sorry.

Mamaya: (っᵔᵔ)っ

Sue didn't know what else to say. Did she want to divulge what happened that day? It would certainly show how sorry she was. Amaya didn't deserve any of her misbehavior. After Sue didn't respond for a few minutes due to her inner turmoil, another bloop alerted her to Amaya again.

Mamaya:（=)

Yearrug: Sorry, Amaya, I was just thinking…

Mamaya: ()

Yearrug: Can you keep a secret?

Mamaya: ദ്ദി ᴗ )

Sue wished Amaya would use actual words rather than the emoticons they used to communicate with. It made it hard to tell if they were taking things seriously or not. Sue took a deep breath and typed into the chatbox, 'I have a big crush on Paulo… I kind of liked him for years… and today I was going to tell him with a letter I wrote, but him and Daisy are together now…'

Sue didn't send it yet. Instead, she sat for a moment, staring at her words, wondering if they were the right ones. Was it too much information? Was it wrong of her to be revealing Paulo and Daisy's new relationship before they were ready to? It's not like she was trying to snoop on them. Amaya, who had seen the status that Sue had been typing and stopped, sent another message.

Mamaya: (·•᷄ࡇ•᷅ )

Sue shook her head and decided she needed to reword her comment, but her hand was shaky and slipped and hit the enter button to send it.

Yearrug: I have a big crush on Paulo… I kind of liked him for years… and today I was going to tell him with a letter I wrote, but him and Daisy are together now…

"Noooooo!" Cried Sue loudly, and she covered her face in embarrassment and leaned back. There were several frantic bloops from the message window as Amaya spammed her.

Mamaya: (_)

Mamaya: ( _ )

Mamaya: .·՞()՞·.

Mamaya: ヽ()ﾉ

Mamaya: ( ˆᗜˆ )

Sue moved her fingers so she could peek through the slits between them to check out what Amaya was sending. As usual, it was just the emoticons, but it looked like Amaya was going through all the stages of shock all at once, with the final few messages that were actively being sent all being the same.

Mamaya: (o)

Mamaya: (o)

Mamaya: (o)

Sue flew to the keyboard and hastily typed out-

Yearrug: YOU CANNOT TELL HIM! OR ANYONE! PLEASE!

Amaya didn't send anything at first, and a nasty thought came to Sue that they were texting all their other guild members about what she'd revealed. She could see their reactions now, too. Mike and Stacy in complete shock, and Abbey in total disappointment. Fortunately, Amaya had better sense than to do that, and replied with-

Mamaya: ( ദ്ദി ᗜ )

Yearrug: I mean it, I really just want this to be a secret between us for now… I don't know if I'm still going to tell him or not yet…

Mamaya: (ᴗ_ ᴗ。)

Amaya didn't push it any further, instead they sent Sue an in-game invite to join a group, and the girl sighed with relief. Maybe now she could finally focus on something else. But she had to admit, saying it after all this time felt good. It wasn't clawing at her insides, tearing her up, demanding to be let out. However, now the genie was out of the bottle, and who knew what that would lead to? Whatever the case would end up being, now she could relax and immerse herself into some fantasy roleplaying.

Their other friends logged in one by one as the evening turned to night, and with each new member hanging about, Sue felt more and more self conscious. She knew Amaya would never spill the beans, but there was that little voice in the back of her head that only needed to say, "What if" to get her heart racing. True to their word, Amaya never let anything slip, and played along as though nothing was said between them. Around 10, they began logging off, dropping like flies as they all went to bed at a reasonable time, until it was only Amaya and Sue left playing. Sue's DMs with Amaya blooped again.

Mamaya: (ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ)

Yearrug: Yeah, I am feeling better now…

Mamaya: ദ്ദി( •̀ ᴗ - )

Mamaya: (o) ( ヮ ) ?

Sue grimaced. They had to bring that up again, didn't they? It was clear Amaya wanted to know if Sue had decided to still give her letter to Paulo or not. She rested her head in her hands and sighed. The truth was, she wanted to tell him. In a perfect world, she would just go right up to him and deliver the letter anyway. It's what she wanted deep down. If Sue was known for anything, it was going for the things she wanted, especially those things that were this important. Still, she needed some distance between the events of that afternoon and her final decision on the matter. There was a bloop and Sue looked back at her screen, which was now the only thing illuminating her dark bedroom.

Mamaya: (,•᷄ࡇ•᷅ ,)?

Yearrug: I want to, but I don't know if I should. I still need time…

Mamaya: (っ- ‸ - ς)

Yearrug: But no matter what I decide, please, please, please keep this a secret!

Mamaya: (⸝⸝ ᴗ•⸝⸝)

Yearrug: I'm going to bed now. See you online tomorrow?

Mamaya: ヾ(•ω•)

Sue logged out and sat staring at the login screen for Swordsvale. She wished she could be as brave as her in-game character was. Yearrug would be fearless, she would just straight up tell Paulo how she felt, no letter required. Alas, at the end of it all, Sue was just a schoolgirl afraid of her own feelings. At least she knew now that Paulo would have to reject her, that hard part was over with. Without any more thoughts on the matter, Sue turned off her computer, and used the light of the moon to illuminate her way into the bathroom, where she did her nightly routine and then got into some pajamas and then crawled under the covers.

Swordsvale had helped clear her mind, and for the moment in the quiet dark of her room, she was at peace. The letter was propped up on her nightstand as it had the night before. It was tougher now to fantasize about Paulo showering her with love, but she tried it anyway. In every attempt, Daisy would always get in the way, an impenetrable barrier to her happiness. Again, Sue was mindful not to channel any anger her way, Daisy had won his heart fair and square. It didn't stop it from hurting, though. Sue eventually gave up on her fantasies and rolled over to look out at the moon, wondering if Paulo was doing the same in his own bed, and what he might be thinking of.

As Sue had predicted, the weekend gave her distance from the painful Friday afternoon. She was a little more chipper the next morning, bidding her mother farewell as she went to work. Her mom smiled at her, happy that her daughter seemed to be doing better. Heartbreak was always tough, and the only true remedy was time. In the meantime, Sue had plenty of things to do. She logged into Swordsvale and prepared herself for a full day of questing and grinding. Mike was the first to get on, and he sent Sue a hearty greeting.

Micklina: Hiya Sue :)

Sue rolled her eyes. Mike was kind of like Amaya in that he chose to speak with a lot of emoticons. Sue greeted him back.

Yearrug: It's Yearrug, Micklina.

Micklina: Oh, sorry Yearrug haha ;-;

It wasn't the best way to start the day. Mike hadn't been with them long, but Sue figured that at least by now he would have picked up on the role playing aspect of their role playing game.

Micklina: Are you feeling better today? 0.0

Sue's blood ran cold. No way, there was no way Amaya talked.

Yearrug: What makes you think I wasn't feeling okay?

It was a bit snippy but she wanted to set the tone that she wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Then again, that in and of itself was an indicator something was off.

Micklina: I just noticed how sad you looked at school yesterday :(

Sue frowned, did her other friends pick up on her sadness? Was she going to be bombarded with questions and well wishes from them? Today was supposed to be her day of zen and peace.

Yearrug: I wasn't sad yesterday, I'm fine. Now let's get to questing.

Micklina: Alright, but if you wanna talk…

Sue used the roleplay slap command on Mike's character.

Yearrug: Enough, adventurer! We have much to slay today.

Mike used the salute command.

Micklina: Yes ma'am!

It wasn't long before their other friends joined in, and they picked up from where they left off. Everyone's focus was on their current questline, and that was fine by Sue. Amaya didn't even send her DMs to prod more information out of her. It was like back to before all the nastiness of Sue's emotions happened, and it felt good to feel normal for once. Sue took charge as she always did, pointing their group in the right direction, positioning them around for maximum damage, and wrangling up new quests for them to do. They pushed all day, going full tilt until their hands hurt, and their eyes stung. The time flew, and before Sue knew it, it was evening, and her mother was calling her to dinner.

Yearrug: Mom aggro. I have to go. See you all tomorrow?

Micklina: I'm hanging out with James tomorrow, so no go for me. Plus Haley called the computer :(((

Abbey also responded with something about a therapist's appointment, and Stacy was also due to hang out with Katie. All that was left was Amaya, who only responded with-

Mamaya: \_(ツ)/

Sue grimaced. So much for another day of fun and distraction with her friends. Another, less patient call from her mom told her she really needed to get going, so Sue bid them all farewell and left to go eat dinner. It smelled amazing, whatever it was, and upon arriving at the dinner table saw that her mom had cooked her favorite meal - meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and peas. There were even some of her favorite buttered biscuits thrown in for good measure. Sue smiled at it, but then grew suspicious. Her mom didn't make this often, as it was a lot of prep work. She took a timid seat at her spot and looked nervously between the food and her mom.

"Go on, then." Her mom waved a hand with a smile. "Dig in!"

Sue did so, and her mom followed suit. As they ate, Sue could feel her mom watching her occasionally, no doubt trying to figure out the state her daughter was in now.

"It's good to see you're doing better." She started, prodding gently. Sue, who had a mouth full of food and felt it most undignified to speak while it was so, shrugged. Her mom nodded. "Did you decide if you wanted to tell that boy you love him or not?"

Sue nearly choked on her mashed potatoes, and saved herself by chugging down the glass of water that was next to her plate. She pushed her plate away as she coughed, preparing for a whole conversation about her feelings and Paulo. It felt so… unorthodox to hear someone else just put her feelings out there like that, but that was the truth of it. She loved him. Sue loved Paulo. It was a strange thing to think, and an even stranger thing to say out loud. The older cat gave her daughter ample time to respond, simply smiling at her and waiting for a response.

Sue delayed a response by grabbing a napkin and touching up some of the food that had stuck to her mouth when she started coughing. She held the napkin down in her lap and looked at her mom pathetically, mixed with a little exasperation that an otherwise great meal was being ruined with sensitive questions about her own failings. Of course, she knew this was where it would most likely end up going given the meal, but it didn't make it any less unpleasant. Still, her mother waited with a patient smile. She knew it was better to get this over with, and she wanted to help her daughter make the right decision. Sue gave up delaying the inevitable and talked. "I want to tell him, okay? I just don't know if I can…"

"Well sure you can." Her mom sat up to display the importance of her words. "You're my daughter! You've never let anything stop you!"

Sue looked down at her unfinished plate. "But this isn't like anything else I've done."

"There's a first time for everything." Her mom said. "And love will be with you for the rest of your life, so best get used to it now."

"Things were so easy when it was McCain…" Sue lamented, wishing the white terrier had stayed so she didn't have to confront her feelings for Paulo now. She felt guilty for thinking it, too, as McCain would just be an object to put between her and what she really felt.

"Sometimes love is easy like that." Her mom agreed. "But most of the time, it's going to be hard. It's going to feel like this." Sue looked unenthused by this, not feeling that her mom's pep talk was really as energizing as she thought it was. Her mother continued. "But I'll tell you this, and it's the most important thing I have to say on the matter. If you don't tell him how you feel right now, if you keep these feelings to yourself for the rest of your life, you're going to spend every day regretting it."

"What do you think is going to happen, huh?" Sue blurted out angrily, right as her mother finished speaking. "That he's just going to break up with his new girlfriend for me?!"

"I'm not saying he's going to do that, I'm not even saying that he'll have ever shared your feelings for him. Girlfriend or no." Her mom said calmly, trying to bring her daughter back down. "What I am saying is that you should do this for yourself, too. Even if it ends in failure, even if he laughs in your face, you can at least rest easy knowing that he knows, and you won't spend all your time wondering what might have happened had you the courage to tell him how you feel."

Sue's frown deepened. Her mother was right. It was one of the scariest things she had ever had to contend with, barring that night in the alleyway, or when her and her friends believed they had seen Mike fall to his death on Silvershore. Paulo deserved to know how she really felt about him, he needed to know, and maybe the silver lining was that things between them would be better, because Sue hated fighting with him. Every fight hurt her inside, because she didn't really mean the things she said, but she was too proud to back down. Now it was time to use that pride to her advantage, and tell him how it really was for once.

Sue took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she did so. "Fine." She said. "I'll give him the letter, first thing Monday. No excuses."

"That's my girl." Her mother smiled, proudly. They both enjoyed the rest of dinner in silence, and then Sue went upstairs to check her inbox on Swordsvale one last time before heading to bed. She slept soundly again that night, not even bothering to try and daydream about Paulo. It was best she prepared for a life without him. Maybe, at best, they could be friends.

On Sunday, Sue spent her time alone in her room, she took a walk around the block since it was nice out, and then she played more Swordsvale. The whole time, she thought about how exactly she would go about delivering the letter. What specifically would she say to him? Would she tell him to not bother responding to it? She knew what his answer would be, she didn't need to hear him say it. No, that was cowardly, plus it defeated the whole purpose of her coming to peace with him. When Sue took an emotional step outside of her mind, the situation was almost comical in a sad way. She was stressing out so hard over this, and Paulo was none the wiser.

She then imagined the look on his face when he read that she loved him. It would be a total shock to him if he believed any of it. Thinking of his face in complete disbelief, mouth hanging open stupidly as all he could do was stare at the letter, or at her, filled her with giggles and she fell onto her bed in laughter. This wasn't her weakest moment, she decided. It would be a moment of triumph. An utter power move by her. No shame, no blame, she'd have him under a spell, and all it would take is one little letter. Outside her room, unbeknownst to her, was her mom, smiling at the sound of her daughter's joy.

When Monday rolled around, however, the confidence had left Sue again. She tried to reclaim the power that once was hers, but now that there was nothing between her and zero day, it was harder. She got herself together, being mindful this time not to crush her letter again when she shut off her alarm, and headed for breakfast. Her mom was on her way out the door when Sue came into the kitchen. "Good morning dear!" She said cheerfully at her daughter who was now riddled with doubt. "I cooked you up some bacon and eggs! Best of luck today!"

Sue gave her mom a weak thumbs up and a smile. At least the bacon and eggs would be good, even if everything else went to shit. When she was finally alone after her mom left Sue stared pitifully down at her breakfast. She had to be confident, cool… just like him. Sue grumbled and used her fork to push the eggs around the plate. She needed to detach herself from her feelings… just not worry about the outcome either way. Her most personal moment had to become impersonal. Just business as usual. It would take the romance out of it, but if it was necessary to complete the mission, she would do it.

Sue forced herself to eat, believing that breakfast was the most important meal of the day, but it only served to make her stomach upset. The butterflies in it were out in full force, and Sue did her best to keep them in there. She arrived at the bus stop, this time without nearly knocking Amaya over, and the tabby gave a cheerful wave and a smile. Sue couldn't bring herself to match her energy, she was afraid if she did more than what she was doing now she might lose her breakfast. "I'm going to do it." Sue said shakily. "I'm going to give it to him.

Amaya beamed at Sue, and took her hand in theirs. When Sue looked into their eyes, they told her that it was all going to be okay. Sue nodded. On the other side of this, Amaya would always be there for her, always have her back. It was a small, but much needed comfort during her most vulnerable moment.

The bus ride wasn't long enough, and every minute they got closer to school, Sue's heart raced even faster. Amaya gave her hand a squeeze, noticing that Sue looked like she could have a breakdown at any moment. Sue gave her a weak smile in return, but her mouth was twitching as she was resisting the urge to cry. Her friend gave her a confident grin along with a thumbs up. They believed in Sue through and through. Sue swallowed her anxiety as the bus pulled up to the school. This was it. As she walked off the bus, an old poem she had to read for English class made its way into her head.

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"

Sue walked past Paulo and Daisy, but paid them no mind.

Was there a man dismayed?

She walked up the front steps of the school.

Not though the soldier knew, someone had blundered.

She was crossing through the threshold of the front doors.

Theirs not to make reply, theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die.

She put her books away in her locker, save for the ones she needed for homeroom, and her letter, which she had hidden inside them.

Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred.

She took her seat in homeroom, and waited for Paulo to enter. Her nerves were so shot by now that she didn't feel anything. She was like a husk, a shell of herself. A shadow of the girl she was just one day before. But before Paulo entered, Daisy did, raising a fuss. Daisy walked in what felt like to Sue was slow motion, beelining it for her. Sue rested her head on her hand, in an attempt to look bored. Everything felt surreal, like she was in a dream.

"Did you know about Paulo and me too?!" The cream colored cat huffed at her. "Was it really that obvious?"

Sue inhaled, and spoke without thinking. "You weren't exactly hiding it back at your birthday party." She droned. "Maybe now you got Paulo under your wing you can make something useful outta him." Daisy was in disbelief, and said nothing. She quietly walked away to rejoin Paulo, who had now entered into the room, looking rather sheepish about the whole ordeal. Though she told Daisy she could make something useful out of him, she wanted those words to be about herself.

The letter was slightly poking out of her book, having been jostled when she placed it down earlier. She shuffled through the pages to get it, looking at it sadly. It was pointless to give it to him. The words, 'Dear Paulo' looked up at her mockingly, and she crushed it up, bored face now fighting back tears. There was no time to do anything else, as the teacher had entered the room to start the lesson. Amaya put a comforting hand on her shoulder as they walked past to get to their seat.

Sue did not pay the lesson any attention. It took all of her willpower to not start crying in front of everyone. She failed him, she failed her mom and Amaya, and worst of all she failed herself. Her breath trembled with each inhale and exhale as she tried her best to calm herself down. All she had to so was make it through this lesson, and then she could find a quiet place next period, which was a study hall, to let it all out. Amaya looked on worried, picking up on Sue's shaking, and they wanted to do more for their friend but they didn't know what. They would have to grin and bear it for the rest of the lesson.

Class dragged on forever, but when the bell came to save them all, Sue walked over to the trash can, where she held the balled up letter over it with one hand, threatening to let it go. Her hand trembled, it was such an easy thing to do, so why couldn't she do it? She just needed to get rid of it. Now she understood how a character in a fantasy movie she watched found it so hard to let go of the one thing they were meant to destroy. Deciding not to make the same mistakes he did, she dropped it to be rid of it forever, and walked off quickly before she changed her mind.

Amaya watched from afar and rushed over to retrieve it. They ran to catch up with Sue, where they walked with her until they were in a secluded place. Sue let out a noise that was a mixture of a choke and a wail as the barrier keeping her emotions in check finally broke down. She wept, hating herself more now than she ever had, wanting to go back in time and stop herself from ever meeting that somali, from ever falling so deeply head over heels in love with him, to save her from this pain.

Something was slipped into her hand, and when she wiped away her tears (though they still kept coming) she saw Amaya had given her something. Sue looked down and saw the letter, still being held there by Amaya. The tabby smiled at their friend and patted her hand, a gesture that told her that she should still keep it, that it wasn't over yet, but Sue knew better than that. It was all over, it was probably over years ago and she didn't want to believe it. The day at the art gallery was her best chance at coming clean, they both had turned over a new leaf and came to an understanding, and she let her pride get in the way of it.

Sue kept the letter for Amaya's sake, but she buried it deep down in her backpack. And her feelings for Paulo she buried even deeper inside herself, so deep that she could never dig them up again. There she planned to keep them for all time, until they decomposed and disappeared.