Note:

Hey everyone! Here's Chapter twenty-eight! Chapter Twenty-nine should make itself available any time next week or – at most – in the next two weeks. Thanks for sticking around. R is great, so don't be shy!

Disclaimer:

I do not own anything that is not on my fanfiction accounts – Frozen belongs to Disney and the fanfictions are mine. PURE PARODY PURPOSES. Thank yew.

Happy Reading!

-JQ

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Mission Improbable and Mission Infatuation

[Vennesvurg, Sweden]

A few days have passed since discovering the true intentions behind the proposed betrothal between King Karl and Princess Tina. This morning, Tina, Honeymaren and Arnold had just finished authoring a letter to Queen Anna and Princess Arnkatla. Against Lindahl's wishes, they neglected to mention Elsa's presence since they didn't want to cause concern if she wasn't actually impeding anything. They just promised to take extra care in orchestrating interactions between the group, so as to not spark any unwanted attention, particularly in front of members of Vennesvurg's Royal Council.

Tonight, the group was to remain on the highest level of alert possible. Tonight was a special occasion, as it was supposed to be the celebration of Karl's parents' thirty-year marriage. He felt as if it was pretty ridiculous to celebrate for two distinct reasons. One: his parents were dead, and he thought that whole thing of 'until death do us part' was literal. Two: his parents spent a significant amount of their marriage cheating on one another.

Even though his own upcoming marriage was a sham (not to mention, a gross violation of international relations with their most important trade partner), he still believed that marriage was sacred. Now, his definition of 'sacred' was, inherently, much more progressive in scope. He just thought that what his parents did, throughout their marriage, in tandem with the archaic laws that they used to condemn people in their kingdom with, was incredibly outrageous and stupid. He knew several couples in the kingdom, who considered their marriages 'open' that respected one another much better than his parents ever did.

Anyway, he was just trying to make it through the day without too many issues. He was desperately trying to battle his emotions about his parents internally, but that was not going so well. He seemed relatively distant, throughout breakfast, and a couple of people took notice. Particularly, Elsa and Tina thought that they had to intervene.

After becoming a relatively close friend of Karl's – albeit, through coercion – Tina felt that it was her responsibility to figure out what was going on with him. After they all had finished their breakfasts, she and Elsa followed the king to his study and invited themselves in.

"You walk so fast for a man in heels," Tina said to Karl, after finally catching up to him.

"Nothing wrong with getting some height in," he laughed, as the door closed behind them, "what is it that you two need?" he sat down at his desk while Elsa and Tina stood across from him.

"We don't need anything Karl," Tina said to him, "we just noticed that you looked a bit off, during breakfast."

"She wanted to ensure that you were alright." Elsa clarified, watching Karl's interaction closely.

The king's shoulder's tensed and his smile appeared forced. "Oh? Oh, I'm totally f-fine, Tina." he then started to laugh nervously but neither woman bought any of it. They just looked at one another before giving him a pointed look. Karl looked between them, watching as their eyes were interrogative yet warm. He relented with a sigh and he ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair. "I...I'm just feeling a little odd about the celebrations that will take place tonight."

Tina frowned and made her way over to stand beside Karl. She placed her hands on his shoulders, a tender caress that silently told him that she would be here for him. He looked up at her, his eyes full of gratefulness for her companionship. Once she was sure she had his attention, she asked "Is it because you miss your parents?"

Karl laughed lightly and shook his head. "No, not at all." Karl explained, "My...my parents...they were not the best to me, in terms of my place as their 'second' son."

Elsa's eyes narrowed, begging for clarification. "What do you mean?"

Karl shook his head. "My parents knew that – as their second child – I was never meant to take the throne," he told them, "everything...their care and concern...it all went to my brother, Tobias." the way that he said his brother's name dripped with malice; as if saying his name was poison. "To answer your question, Tina, no – I do not miss my parents."

"Then what has you so upset?" Tina asked again, her voice never wavering in care or lack of judgment for her friend.

"Tonight is supposed to be a celebration of love," Karl said, "my parents...they were married for thirty years, but that meant nothing to them. My father spent his evenings surrounded by women from brothels or distant lands and my mother preferred to be entertained by any member of her male staff." he shook his head, remembering everything that transpired throughout his parents' union. "In addition, they coined and upheld our laws that forbid adultery and polygamy and everything in between. Meanwhile, they were living as hypocrites and the people – in our kingdom – are left to be punished without explaining anything. You cannot get divorced without a grant from the king's court...you cannot request leniency for mistakes...people are forced to stay with abusive partners...you just get tossed into prison while the king and queen do worse behind closed doors." Tina and Elsa looked at one another. They both knew that adultery was sanctioned heavily in Vennesvurg, but they didn't know how the laws played out in practice. Vennesvurg was indeed frozen in time.

"I see." Tina said carefully.

"So you feel as though this entire celebration is pointless? That it stands for nothing?" Elsa questioned.

Karl nodded solemnly. "Yeah. I don't want to celebrate it at all, but it's a public interest for the kingdom. I can't help feeling as if it is a complete lie. A joke."

Elsa and Tina couldn't help but feel for their friend. He was being forced to uphold things that he didn't believe in and celebrate people that didn't care for him. Elsa couldn't relate completely to the king's emotions about this subject, but she couldn't help but feel a familiarity in his tone – although he wasn't physically alone, he was certainly alone mentally.

Before anyone else could say anything, the silence was broken by Anton, who said that the king was due for a meeting with someone from Denmark. Karl apologized to both Tina and Elsa, as he ushered them out of his study. Once Tina and Elsa were down the hall, Tina had a look of determination on her face.

"We have to do something for him." she said, definitively.

Elsa's brows furrowed. "What shall we do?"

Tina pursed her lips in concentration before smirking up at the ice wielder. Elsa usually enjoyed Tina's smirk. Tina usually smirked when she was feeling either playful or conniving. In this context, however, Elsa feared that 'conniving' was the most accurate of the two outcomes. Before she could comment, the brunette grabbed her by the hand and briskly led her down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Elsa asked.

Tina just chuckled and said, "You'll see."

...

Over the last few days, Arnold and Lindahl had prepped Ryder for cozy-ing up to Councilman Nilsen. They talked to him about things that upperclassmen would discuss, such as politics, the economy, and science. Ryder thought it was all useless and that he would have preferred to showcase his best reindeer jokes and his usual charming persona. Arnold and Lindahl were adamant that none of that would work on someone like a senior level councilman.

"Trust us, Ryder," Arnold said to the reindeer herder, "these guys are boring and consider themselves superior to everyone else."

"They're also old as hell," Lindahl added, "and no one knows more about old and rich men then me – I've spent so much of my career hobnobbing that I practically know everyone's vice and everyone's tea order."

Arnold rolled his eyes, "As much as I'd wish to disagree with blondie, over here, I'd believe him." he then stuck his tongue out at Lindahl before continuing to speak to Ryder. "Back in Botarskal, I had my fair share of...mingling with the political figures of our kingdom."

Ryder nodded thoughtfully, taking everything they were saying into consideration. "One problem though." The advisor and the assistant looked at one another before looking at Ryder.

"What?" questioned Lindahl.

"I don't have my 'entire career' to pull this off, guys," the herder pointed out, "I only have until the winter season is over and by the looks of it," all three young men turned their attention to the window of the room they were in – the trees had less leaves than they remembered and the leaves that were still attached to branches were holding on for dear life, "the spirits of the seasons will wait for no one."

Arnold placed a hand on Ryder's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "That's why Lindahl and I are here; to help you learn it as fast as possible."

"And the turnout for tonight's celebration is going to be insane," Lindahl added, "so we've got to make sure that you are well-suited for grasping Councilman Nilsen's attention."

Ryder released a breath, as if giving himself a miniature internal pep-talk. He then looked up at his friends with a newfound confidence. After all, aggressive positivity and wilful blindness is how he had made it through most of his life thus far.

"Alright, gentlemen," Ryder said with a smug look, "teach me how to be a snob!"

...

"How is this considered battle armour?" Gunn-Britt said, holding her arms out like a scarecrow as a group of handmaidens tended to the fabric that was being fitted to her figure.

"Oh, it's battle armour, alright," Tina said with a smirk.

"For when you battle it out on the dance floor, girl!" Ingrid added with a snap of her fingers. Elsa and Honeymaren just sat on the bed of Gunn-Britt's guestroom, stifling girlish laughs that made them feel like they were watching something that they shouldn't be.

Gunn-Britt frowned at the princess and her partner in crime. "I am not understanding what you are saying with your mouths." the bodyguard said in her deep and bellowing tone, "I have never heard of a battleground called the 'dance floor'."

"Well," Tina said with a wink, "you're about to!"

"Not to ruin our fun here," Honeymaren piped in, hesitantly, "but what does this have to do with cheering up the king?"

Tina shared a knowing smile with Ingrid before answering Honeymaren's question, "Trust me, Honey – this has everything to do with cheering up the king."

...

That evening, the grand ballroom of Vennesvurg Castle was swarming with dignitaries from throughout Northern Sweden. Vennesvurg's councilmen brought their respective partners and families to the gathering. Karl was seated at the throne, accompanied by Tina and Anton. While Karl seemed to wear a relatively sombre and uninterested expression, Tina was sitting on her hands – attempting to control her very obvious excitement. Noticing her ministrations, Anton leaned in and decided to ask her what was going on.

"Um," Anton began carefully, "I hope I am not crossing any lines here, Your Highness, but what has got you so fidgety?" the butler was concerned that she was too high strung and needed a remedy. "Would you prefer it if I fetched you some tea to soothe your nerves?"

Tina looked up at him with a grateful expression and shook her head. "No thank you, Anton," she insisted, "I am feeling quite well right now."

Anton was still a little confused. "Then...what has you so...lively, Your Highness?"

Tina just smirked and patted the butler on the shoulder. "Oh, my sweet, sweet, Anton – you'll see soon enough."

...

Outside the grand ballroom's double doors, Elsa, Honeymaren, and Ingrid were leading Gunn-Britt to the festivities. The personal guard – usually dressed in leather and silver – was dressed in a beautiful dark blue gown, elegantly detailed with gold threads. Her blonde hair, which was usually done in double braids, was completely down. It cascaded down her shoulders in thick waves that framed her features quite well. She looked like a picture of grace – except for her signature Botarskalic viking helmet, which she refused to part with.

When Ingrid tried to yank the helmet off of her, Gunn-Britt threatened to 'end her mortal suffering' by any means necessary.

So, they let her keep the helmet on for safety reasons.

Gunn-Britt shimmied her shoulders in an effort to move her arms into a better position that felt less confined. Unfortunately, she was just not successful with her attempts.

"I am still confused at why I have to wear this," the personal guard complained, "it is leaving my lower body very exposed to possible attacks. I will be rendered useless in combat."

Ingrid rolled her eyes. "No one is getting attacked tonight, Gunn-Britt."

The tall woman frowned. "People commonly utter that phrase before the opposite occurs."

"Ugh!" Ingrid gave up on trying to be the voice of reason, "Can someone else do the pep-talking? Tina is way better at it!"

The ice wielder looked to her left at Honeymaren. She shook her head, obviously not willing to try and talk Gunn-Britt into being cooperative. Figuring out that they had nothing left to lose, Elsa took a deep breath and decided to take one for the team.

"Gunn-Britt," Elsa began steadily, approaching the woman with care, "we just think this would cheer Karl up." Suddenly, Gunn-Britt's shoulders fell slightly and her attention was drawn to Elsa. Although, the former queen was shocked that Gunn-Britt could even locate her with sight, considering her thick blonde bangs and viking helmet appeared to obstruct her view.

"Karl is feeling unwell?" the personal guard asked, feeling concerned.

Elsa just nodded. "He doesn't really want to celebrate tonight," Elsa explained, "he said that his parents were not very nice people."

Gunn-Britt nodded solemnly. "Ah. Yes. He had discussed these things with me, prior."

"When?" Honeymaren inquired.

"He and I go tend to the stables, every morning." Gunn-Britt explained. "While we brush out horse manes, we share words about our lives. He would tell me about his family and how they did not care for him. So, he always found refuge in the stables, among the livestock." Gunn-Britt then sighed dramatically. "I, too, know what that is like."

Shocked at the introspection of their friend, Elsa, Ingrid, and Honeymaren shared a look of complete confusion.

"U-Um, exactly!" Elsa said, "So, we thought that you could dress up tonight, you know? Blend in with the crowd. I-I know he likes to have your company."

"Wait," Ingrid asked, "this is all to get Gunnie to be with Karl?"

Honeymaren nudged the handmaiden aggressively in her ribs. "Duh! Have you not been here this entire time? You're the one who got her in the dress!"

"I just wanted to see what Gunn-Britt looked like in a dress!"

"Okay, Gunn-Britt," Elsa said, ushering the personal guard towards the grand ballroom's entrance, "let's just focus on having fun with Karl. I'm sure you will cheer him up."

Gunn-Britt blushed and then adjusted her posture, as if she was starting a mission. "Okay. I will go." she then trudged her large frame through the threshold of the grand ballroom and parted the sea of dignitaries in order to make her way to Karl. As she made her way towards him, Ingrid, Elsa and Honeymaren just stood back and waited to see the madness unfold.

"Aw," Honeymaren said, swooning at how dedicated Gunn-Britt seemed to be toward the king, "young love is so beautiful."

Ingrid just shook her head. "Shut up – I'm still processing this whole scenario."

...

On the outer mezzanine, just outside of the grand ballroom, a handful of Vennesvurg's senior level councilmen were enjoying cigars and drinks away from the view of their wives and young children. Arnold, Lindahl and Ryder were dressed to the nines in smart black jackets with matching trousers. The trio looked absolutely dapper in their outfits but their main goal of the night was not to be fashionistas – the objective was to get Ryder on the inner circle with Councilmen Nilsen, as he was the one who was the alleged holder of the true documents.

"Okay, Ryde," Lindahl said, over the reindeer herder's shoulder, "there he is – two o'clock!"

Ryder just looked at the assistant with a smile. "Silly – it's well after nine now."

"No," Arnold sighed with exasperation, "he means look straight and to the right!"

Ryder's eyes followed the new set of directions and he was able to locate Nilsen immediately. "Ah – there he is!"

Fighting the urge to cram his face into his hand, Lindahl just shook his head in an attempt to regain his composure. "Okay, you know what to do. Go, now."

"Got it, Ethan!" Ryder said with a wide smile and his signature wink, "We'll have the documents before you can say 'reindeer running right to the ring'!" and just like that, he began to strut towards the group of senior councilmen that Nilsen was chatting with.

Once Ryder got to the group, he wedged himself in between Nilsen and another member of the council. Both members of council seemed perplexed by his sudden appearance and physical ambush. Lindahl and Arnold just watched on in horror. A few moments later, Ryder turned around to give them a 'thumbs-up' – a rather optimistic show of reassurance. Lindahl and Arnold just feigned an encouraging smile and crossed their fingers behind their backs.

Tonight was going to be a long night, indeed.

...

Inside the ballroom, Tina and Karl were struggling to keep up with their respective 'happily engaged' performances. Karl sighed, watching over the festivities while Tina was repeatedly knocked her head backwards against the throne she was sitting in.

"Your Highness and Your Majesty," Anton said, stepping in between both thrones, "I know you both are...not interested in one another." Both of them groaned, like children being forced to eat their vegetables. "However, I'd like to advise you both to at least hold hands. Perhaps we can just brush off rumours that you both are...drunk?"

"Ugh, fine." Karl said, his arm extended toward Tina; his palm open and ready for hers. Tina rolled her eyes and slipped her hand into his. Once their hands were successfully interlocked, they groaned in detest while Anton nodded – satisfied with their minimal efforts.

"Very good, you two." Anton told them in an encouraging tone.

Before anything else could be said, Tina's eyes locked in on a sight that brought a smile to her face. She squeezed Karl's hand to get his attention. The king abruptly turned to his 'fiancé', thinking something was wrong.

"Tina?" he asked, his eyes full of concern, "Are you okay?"

The princess just smirked, "I will when you look over by the entrance." following her instruction, Karl looked to his right and felt his jaw go slack.

Parting the crowd of party goers, as Moses parted the Red Sea, Gunn-Britt and her towering form was making her way towards Karl and Tina. Anton's jaw dropped once he realized who was lumbering over to them. Tina just smiled wide.

The princess whistled loudly as her personal guard approached. "Woo! Lookin' hot over there, Gunnie-bunny!"

Gunn-Britt's head tilted to the side, "What do you mean, Princess? My body does not feel as if it is above room temperature." while Gunn-Britt was feeling okay, Karl felt like he was not. He felt as if every part of his skin was set aflame.

Tina just chuckled, "Oh, babes – that's not what I mean." the princess then tapped Karl on his shoulder. "Wanna explain my wording, big guy?"

As Gunn-Britt's gaze fell onto the king expectantly, Karl swallowed nervously. "U-Uh – Um," the king then looked between Tina and Anton, trying to see if there was another way out of this. Anton just shrugged and Tina offered a sly smile. Finding the courage, Karl said "W-What Tina m-means is that...uh...you look...stunning."

"Oh." Gunn-Britt had no idea how to process this information. Her cheeks flushed and her heart rate sped up a little. She observed the king's demeanor and it appeared that he was being genuine in his compliment.

"Yeah." Karl said in a dream-like trance. He thought that the gown she was wearing highlighted the musculature in her arms and shoulders quite nicely and he wondered what it would be like to be in her strong embrace.

The Botarskalic princess smirked, knowing that her plan was working well. "Gunnie?" Tina said, momentarily breaking the tension between them, "What do you say to Mr. Karl's lovely commentary towards your appearance?"

"Thank you, Karl." Gunn-Britt told him, "You also look very...appropriate for this occasion." Karl felt his face turn a hue of crimson that mirrored a perfectly ripe tomato.

"Do you feel the heat here, Tony?" Tina whispered over to the butler, "Fetch me some water – I may feel faint soon."

"U-U-Uh – yes." Anton was so confused at what was unfolding in front of him that he didn't really understand what Tina had asked for. Nonetheless, he made his way to fetch her anything and decided he would risk getting it wrong. "Right away, Your Highness. Very good."

As Anton stumbled away, Tina watched the interaction between Karl and Gunn-Britt with a keen interest. She, indeed, considered herself the master match-maker.

It was definitely going to be an interesting night.