The Girl Who Shouted I At The Heart Of The World

by A.F. Oliver

Few get a second chance at living, let alone two or three. Rei Ayanami never knew what to do with the lives she had until it was too late. Getting another chance at living could mean a world of difference. After all, life is an ever changing thing and even the smallest of changes can reverberate across the world.

64. When I Find Peace Of Mind

Chapter 64 – When I Find Peace Of Mind

Misato sat on the command deck of the NERV bridge, sipping her morning coffee, overseeing the repairs being made to the lower decks. All things considered she was feeling rather content despite knowing she had to finish going through the mountain of paperwork that sat waiting for her in office before the day's end.

"You seem to be in a good mood," Ritsuko stated from where she stood beside her, sipping a cup of coffee of her own.

Misato leaned back in the commander's chair and smiled. "I am in a good mood, Ristuko," she replied. "Thanks for noticing."

"I suppose we do have a lot to be cheerful about," the faux blonde returned, taking another sip from her cup. "I'm glad that Shinji's coming out of his funk."

Misato slurped on her coffee, staring down into it with a grin. Indeed, she was very happy that Shinji was starting to act like his old self again. She'd genuinely missed seeing the cheerful side of him. After she'd driven him home from headquarters he'd cooked dinner like he used to and they'd actually had a pleasant conversation like in the early days of his tenure living with her. It genuinely warmed her heart but that wasn't all she had to be pleased about.

When she'd first arrived at NERV that morning she'd had a quick meeting with Fuyutsuki regarding the future of the organization and the Evas. Unit 02 was to be repaired and the scientific development department was to dedicate itself to the creation of new S2 technologies for peaceful endeavors. Apparently upon gaining a greater understanding of the United Nations advisory body overseeing NERV had it in their heads that the S2 organ could potentially be utilized as a device for electrical power generation. She supposed it was feasible in theory but she was not a scientist. She did know enough that it would be an expensive and arduous undertaking... but with all branches of NERV across the world along with the scientists like Ritsuko giving it ago it seemed promising...

"I'm glad that the UN found a use for us outside of fighting the Angels," Misato replied softly. "It's nice to have job security."

Ritsuko snickered wryly before sighing heavily. "That is a good thing..." she muttered, sipping from her coffee again. "But it also means that I now have even more on my plate to deal with. Repairing Unit 02 even in the state we're in is one thing, performing new research on the S2 is another..."

Misato nodded in understanding. "I can imagine it might be difficult," she replied, her smile turning a bit lopsided. "Then again, all of this tech stuff is complicated for me."

Ritsuko frowned. "I'm certain the technology can be harnessed for power generation but it'll take years, if not decades..." she huffed. "It would have been nice to take some time off to process things before diving head first into work again..."

Misato's smile fell away. She definitely related to that sentiment. Everyone deserved a break after the hell they'd been through, perhaps Ritsuko most of all considering she was still grieving for Commander Ikari... "Yeah..." she murmured, staring into her coffee. "It would be... but the wheels of bureaucracy and bullshit never stop turning for anyone, not even us."

Ritsuko scoffed. "Since when did you become the wise one between the two of us?" she asked, laughter on her voice.

Misato looked up and smirked back at her friend. "Since I was forced to become acting Vice Commander of this place," she responded flatly.

"Fair enough," Ritsuko replied with a smirk of her own before taking another sip of her coffee. She looked over at the central displays, that smirk immediately evaporating. "Still... we have our work cut out for us, as per usual..."

"Indeed we do," Misato replied, turning to face the console before her and picking up a file she'd brought with her from her meeting with Fuyutsuki. "But at least now we don't have genocidal maniac cultists using us for our own ends."

"I suppose you're right," Ritsuko responded softly. "Now we have the garden variety maniacal bureaucrats overseeing us."

Misato swiveled around in her chair and faced the faux blonde once more. "I suppose that's true," she replied, holding out the folder to take. "But that doesn't mean we're short on potential allies. Here, take a look at this."

Ritsuko took a step closer and plucked the file from her hands, opening it up and looking through it's contents. After a moment she tensed up and glared at her. "Are you serious?" she inquired darkly. "Of all people, Shiro Tokita wants in on this project?"

Misato shrugged her shoulders. "His credentials speak for themselves," she replied. "The fact he managed to get that Jet Alone thing working at all, regardless of how it turned out, says something. That coupled with his reputation for being able to manage nuclear industries and the flow of cash he has access to with Japan Heavy Chemical Industries might come in handy."

Ritsuko looked rather deflated. "I suppose you're right..." she huffed, setting the folder down and slurping down the last of her coffee. "He's still a sexist pig..."

Misato smiled. She didn't like the jerk either but she had an organization to oversee and so she'd do and say what she needed to in order to keep the peace. "I don't like him either," she replied. "But if his contribution can help in making sure we're still useful, and therefore keeps us from facing reprisals, I'm for it. So should you be."

Ritsuko sighed. "You really are taking your new roll seriously, huh?" she grumbled under her breath.

Misato nodded, though her smile wavered. "Someone has to..." she replied.

"I suppose you're right..." Ritsuko returned after a moment of pause.

An awkward pause passed between the two of them. Misato's thoughts began to drift to other topics in the midst of that silence... "Hey..." she spoke softly. "How are Asuka and Rei doing, huh? Are they going to be discharged soon?"

"I expect that Asuka will be within the next few days. Her blindness in her left eye is likely permanent but she's shown signs of being psychologically stable enough to go home," Ritsuko replied softly. "Rei seems to be recovering well enough to leave even sooner, possibly tomorrow, though she'll need to come in to have her stitches pulled in about a week."

"That's good," Misato returned softly, looking down at her knees. "Those poor kids have been through so much..."

"Well... here's the rub..." Ritsuko continued. "Rei's apartment building was destroyed by the N2 strike on the city. So... once she's discharged would you mind housing her for a little while?"

Misato was rather struck by the inquiry but it wasn't as big a deal as Ritsuko was making it sound. Rei had stayed over her place before and was always a courteous guest so she was happy to host her temporarily. "I don't mind at all," she replied.

Ritsuko heaved a heavy sigh. "That is a relief..." she replied, sounding relieved. "Don't worry, I'll try and find her permanent lodging soon."

Misato smiled. "Seriously, I don't mind having her long term," she stated softly. "She's always been a wonderful guest every time she's stayed over."

Ritsuko glanced at her with a nervous expression. "You don't have any reservations because of what she did during the battle?" she whispered out softly.

Misato shook her head. "No," she replied. "Why would I? In the end, she and Shinji saved us all, right?"

Ritsuko smiled. "Yeah..." she replied quietly. Then, her smile turned into a smirk and her eyes became playful. She spoke again, with barely contained laughter. "They really did... and now I have to work with Shiro Tokita because of that."

Misato couldn't help but laugh along with her...

---

It was still early in the morning and Shinji stepped through the halls of the medical ward, a bento box and a thermos of soup he'd prepared before coming to NERV clasped in his hands. He figured bringing her breakfast would be a nice gesture, something tangible he could do to show how much he cared for her. He'd really missed making food for her. The action reminded him of better times. Not much time had passed since then but those days before everything went completely wrong felt like a lifetime ago. Perhaps a simple gesture like this would evoke the memory of those days in Rei the same way it did for him.

Soon enough Shinji reached her room and cracked open the door to peer inside. She was laying on her side with the covers of the bed up to her head. "Rei?" he called to her. "It's me, Shinji. Are you awake?"

There was no response, only the soft sound of her breathing.

Slowly he stepped into the room and made his way to the chair at her bedside. There were no duties that he had to attend anymore so he figured he could just wait there until she woke up. Just as he sat down Rei shifted and the covers came down, revealing her face.

She was sleeping peacefully, her mouth slightly open, her newly grayed hair framing her features like strokes of ash colored paint. Shinji found himself staring as the feeling of butterflies began to rise up in his stomach. She was... so beautiful, like an angel, like the ones people usually think of. He didn't know long he'd been staring at her but suddenly she shifted again and her eyes fluttered open, meeting his gaze with a look of bewilderment. "S- Shinji?" she stammered. "How long have you been here?"

"Not long," he replied. "How did you sleep?"

"Well enough," she replied, glancing away from him, her cheeks turning a shade of pink. "Wh- why are you here so early?"

Her doing that made him realize how intently he'd been staring at her. He looked away nervously, scratching the back of head as he did, holding out the bento box and thermos of miso soup he'd brought for her. "I- uh... I brought your breakfast..." he murmured softly.

Rei sat up in the bed and gently took the container. "Th- thank you..." she stammered.

He turned to face her again. She was staring down at the box with soft smile, her eyes shimmering in the orange morning light flowing into the room. "I figured it would be tastier than the cafeteria food," he stated with a smile. "Besides, I've missed making food for you."

Rei's smile widened. "I've missed eating what you make for me," she replied softly, opening the thermos and pouring some of the soup into the cup that came with it. "It's always very tasty..."

"Thanks," he replied, heat flooding his cheeks. "It's nothing special but I'm glad you enjoy it."

He sat in silence as she ate, uncertain of what else to say. Mostly he just found himself studying her, his eyes drawn to her grayed hair and her reddish brown eyes. Her new appearance was just as beautiful as her previous one but he couldn't shake the urge to ask her what had brought about the change. He vaguely recalled her voicing happiness over the change before they'd been shelled and she'd been injured but why? Why was she so pleased by the change? He wanted to know the answer but he wasn't sure if it was okay to ask...

"Is something wrong?" Rei asked.

That question made him realize he was staring again, shaking him back to reality. "Ah- no," he replied. "Nothing's wrong. Why?"

She glanced away, her cheeks an even deeper shade of pink. "You're staring at me..." she murmured softly.

His breath caught in his throat. There was no way out of this, was there? "I uh... I was just admiring your hair..." he muttered in response, not knowing what else to say. "It's... different."

Rei set her cup of soup down on the bedside table. "Yes..." she replied with a smile. "I'm very happy with it."

He couldn't resist any longer. He simply had to know. "What caused it to change?" he asked, looking away from her, his voice full of apprehension. "And your eyes? Sorry... I'm just curious..."

Rei looked down at her knees, fidgeting with the blankets covering her. "I'm not certain how it happened," she responded quietly. "But when Adam and Lilith left me I... I suppose you could say I was reborn. I don't have any Angel genetics left. I'm just... me... the way I want to be..."

Shinji sat there dumbstruck. He didn't understand how something like that was possible, but then again, after seeing what he had during the battle and during the Angel War he wasn't going to question it. She had essentially attained and rejected godhood after all. Still... there was something he found profoundly curious in the last thing she said. "What do you mean?" he asked. "The way you want to be?"

She looked at him, her brownish red eyes no less beautiful than the crimson ones she used to possess, her lips curving up. "My own person," she replied warmly but firmly. "In every way."

He found himself transfixed, in awe of her strength, of her beauty, of just how radiant and proud she seemed. She was amazing. He really didn't deserve to even think of loving someone so strong and yet he did. He hoped that this change didn't have anything to do with worry over his thoughts regarding her. If she'd somehow made that choice, if it was a conscious choice, because she was still afraid he judged her for what she was... he couldn't live with that guilt. He needed her know that no matter what she was he'd still treasure her but he didn't know how to express that... and so he just smiled. "I'm happy for you..." he responded, reaching out and clasping her hand. "I'm glad you're happy."

That confidence in her expression immediately fell away, replaced with a nervous blush. "Th- thank you, Shinji..." she replied, blinking rapidly, glancing away from him.

Was she upset? Had he done something wrong? What could he say to salvage this moment? "Your hair is very pretty," Shinji blurted out. Shit. Did he really just say that?

Rei's eyes went wide as dinner plates and he could feel her tense up. "Y- you embarrass me..." she responded, her voice barely above a whisper.

Shinji began spiraling, his mind flying into overdrive. Had she taken that comment the wrong way? Was she upset? How could he have been so stupid to say something like that! "I- I mean I- uh, I liked your hair before!" he gibbered in reply, looking away from her. "I uh... I just think that gray suits you just like blue did."

Rei gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He looked up and met her gaze. She was positively beaming at him. In that moment, time seemed to stand still. She brought her other hand up to his face, running her thumb along the scar on his face. "I know what you meant," she said, her voice tender and warm. "You don't need to apologize..."

His heart was thundering in his chest. Their faces were so close. What if he just leaned in and... no... he just couldn't do it. He didn't feel ready. He didn't feel like he deserved it. "That's a relief..." he replied, bowing his head with a heavy sigh. "I don't want to upset you again..."

Rei gave his hand another squeeze. "I'd tell you if you did..." she returned warmly.

A comfortable silence fell over the pair, not unlike the ones they used to regularly enjoy. He missed moments like this. He wished that moments like this could last forever... but he knew it wasn't possible. "Hey," he spoke up, lifting his head to meet her gaze yet again. "Do you know when they'll let you out? Like, when you'll be discharged from the hospital?

Rei shook her head, her smile wavering. "No..." she replied, turning and looking down at her knees. "But hope that day is soon. Staying here for long periods isn't pleasant..."

"I understand," he replied, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "I never liked staring up this ceiling for hours the times I spent here."

"Yes..." Rei returned pensively. "And I don't know if my apartment building even stands after the battle..."

Shinji cringed. He hadn't even thought about that before asking the question. "I'm sure we'll figure something out," he replied. "I'm sure NERV will find you new housing if that's the case."

"I'm not worried," Rei responded. "I'll face it when the time comes."

Such confidence. He couldn't help but admire that in her. "That's a good attitude to have," he returned warmly.

"It's all I can do," Rei replied. "After all, if there's anything I've learned it's that hope is a precious thing..."

He felt his chest tighten up and a lump begin to form in his throat. The sentiment was beyond touching. "You're so strong, Rei..." he returned earnestly. "I've always admired that about you..."

Rei blushed heavily. "You flatter me..." she murmured softly, looking away from him.

Again, silence fell between the two. Shinji couldn't think of anything else to say and he didn't want to ruin the moment. It was best to end things on a happy note. Slowly he stood up and let go of her hand. "I'm going to see how Asuka's doing," he stated with a smile, giving Rei's hand a final gentle squeeze. "Enjoy the rest of the food, okay?"

She responded in kind with a smile and a nod. "I shall," she replied before asking him a question. "When will you return?"

"Tomorrow," Shinji replied honestly. "I think that after I go and see Asuka that I'll pay Commander Fuyutsuki a visit. He beat me pretty decisively in shogi the other day. I think I'd like a rematch with him."

Rei's smile grew. "Alright..." she responded.

He took one last look, savoring the sight of that angelic smile of hers and turned away, stepping out of her room and back out into the hall.

---

Ritsuko strode through the halls of the hospital wing. After her conversation with Misato on the command bridge she'd headed to her office and checked in on the status of the two pilots currently in the hospital according to the latest reports. When she'd told Misato about the pending release of Rei she'd been purely estimating but upon checking her email her educated guesses had been confirmed. Rei was cleared for release the next day and Asuka would linger pending additional psychological testing. As such, she felt it best to go an inform Rei of her new living arrangements when that release happened.

It wasn't long until she reached Rei's room. She found the pale girl sitting atop her bed with the covers up to her waste and the thermos clasped between her hands. The sight elicited a smile. Shinji must have just visited her. "Good morning, Rei," she called from the door. "I assume you've had a visitor this morning?"

Rei turned to face her, that soft smile of hers inching ever wider. "I did," she replied. "Shinji came to visit me."

Ritsuko smiled back and took a few steps into the room. "That's good," she stated in response. "I assume that it was a pleasant visit?"

Rei nodded her head. "It was," she replied. "It seems that things are getting back to normal. I'm happy for that."

Ritsuko's smile began to fade. She was happy that things were on the mend between the two of them but the thought's of her conversation with Misato earlier weighed heavy along with the knowledge she'd be discharged the next day... "I come with some news..." she stated tepidly.

Rei's happy grin faded away, replaced by an anxious look. "Bad news?" she asked.

It certainly wasn't bad news, far from it, but it would change things considerably, especially considering what she knew about how the ashen haired girl felt for who was going to become her new roommate. "No," Ritsuko replied. "Just news."

Rei tilted her head, a look of curiosity in her eyes. "What is it?" she asked.

Ritsuko breathed a heavy sigh, trying to push her own reservations and worries down. "You're going to be released from the hospital tomorrow," she stated flatly.

Rei looked at her surprised for half a second before a nervous smile appeared on her lips. "That's good, isn't it?" she asked.

Now it was time to lay on the bad news... "It is," Ritsuko stated quietly, glancing down at the floor for half a second. "However, the city block in which your apartment resided no longer exists..."

Rei's brow furrowed and her smile evaporated. "Oh..." she murmured. "I see... then... where will I be residing?"

Perhaps it was regret, or jealousy, or some unnameable emotion, Ritsuko hesitated. She thought back to her conversation with Misato and how she'd convinced her friend to take Rei in at least temporarily. She knew it was the right decision but part of her wished it wasn't. Part of her wished that she had the capability, the time, and the space to house the ashen haired girl. No... that wasn't the reason why she wasn't going to assert guardianship. Perhaps it was fear that held her back, the fear that she'd just end up neglecting her the way her mother had when she was Rei's age. Misato already had experience in caring for teenagers when she didn't and she herself was going to be tied up with work for a long time to come... "You'll be staying with Misato," she stated softly, finally bringing herself to meet Rei's gaze again. "She agreed to take you in..."

Rei regarded her with a look of abject surprise. "Oh..." she gasped before looking down at her sheets and grabbing big handfuls of her blankets. "I see..."

Ritsuko frowned. "Is that troubling for you?" she asked.

Rei bit her lip. "It's... nice that I'll be living with people who know me, that I'll be nearer to Shinji..." she murmured softly. "But I worry about Asuka and how she'll react..."

Ritsuko's frown deepened. That was something she hadn't even taken into account when she'd asked Misato to take guardianship of her. Asuka had attacked her before the battle of Tokyo 3 and she could imagine things would be tense if they were going to be living together whenever Asuka was released... "I... I can understand that might be a difficult situation," she replied. "I'm sorry..."

Rei's lips ticked upwards ever so slightly but she didn't relinquish her grip on the sheets. "I'll make peace with her eventually..." she murmured softly. "Though it may take time..."

Now it was Ritsuko's turn to grin. Always and ever she found herself surprised by the pale girl's sense of maturity and grace. "That's a good attitude to have," she stated warmly.

"It's the only attitude I can have," Rei responded softly, looking down at her knees, a small, nervous smile remaining on her lips. "I would like things to be mended as much as they can be..."

Ritsuko nodded. Such hope... such a hope couldn't help but inspire her. Still... she wished she could be the one who could take care of her, to guide her, to nurture her... but she knew that was impossible. She would only end up messing her up in the long term... "I'm glad you see it that way," she replied, forcing herself to grin wider. "Besides, you'll get to spend more time around Shinji, right?"

Rei's cheeks flushed with pink. "Yes..." she replied. "That is a benefit of this arrangement..."

Now Ritsuko's smile turned fully genuine. At least she could facilitate something good for her, if that stupid boy she was so infatuated with would ever reciprocate... but even so part of her felt irresponsible in letting them be so close. Heavens knew what young men could do when left alone with young women... "If anything happens, for any reason, don't hesitate to let me know," she stated firmly, stepping forward and taking Rei's hand in hers. "I'm here for you and I always will be."

Rei's smile widened even further and she issued a warm nod of affirmation. "I know you are," she replied. "I thank you for that."

Ritsuko gave the ashen haired girl's palm a tender squeeze. "Good," she returned softly. "I mean it. We're family, right?"

Rei nodded, smiling with a happy grin. "Yes," she responded. "We are..."

Ritsuko let go of the ashen haired girl's hand and took a step back. She had much to do and many matters to attend. As much as she wanted to stay with the girl who had become her little sister or surrogate daughter she had to get back to work, as much as she didn't want to... "I must go," she stated softly. "There are many things that require my oversight."

Rei nodded, her smile never wavering. "I understand," she replied softly. "It was good seeing you."

Ritsuko nodded respectfully yet again, forcing herself to continue grinning. "It was good seeing you too..." she replied before turning around and heading out of the room.

As soon as she left her smile faded away. She hoped that what she'd set in motion would end up being the right choice for Rei. She could only hope that living with Misato would be the best thing for her and would end up being the best thing for her even if she wished she could be the one to take care of her. Then again, perhaps the hardest thing for any parent was making those hard choices. Perhaps that understanding could help her understand her own mother's actions so many years ago...

---

Boredom. Of all the enemies she'd faced and all the adversary she'd overcome the boredom of sitting alone for hours every day in this damned hospital room seemed to be most frustrating thing Asuka had ever faced. Of course, when she left the room, usually to have someone assess her mental stability or the endless, fruitless ocular tests, only added annoyance to that overwhelming feeling of boredom.

Of course, she'd tried to combat this by taking long walks through the halls, studying the progress of the SDF engineers working within the geofront grounds, even counting the tiles on the ceiling of her hospital room but this no longer helped. She missed television and video games. She missed being in her room and being able to sleep in a comfortable bed. Mostly she just missed when things were some semblance of normal. Part of her hoped that Shinji might come as see her again, that Misato might take some time to check on her, or that even that idiot Touji would come and talk with her. Anything was better than just staring at the walls for hours...

"Hey Asuka," a voice called from the doorway, as if someone had read her mind. "How are you feeling today?"

She turned her head to find Shinji standing in the doorway with a hint of a grin. "Hey, what's up?" she greeted him. "You seem like you're in a good mood."

He stepped into her room and sat down in the chair beside her bed just as he had the previous day. "I am in a good mood," he replied.

Asuka raised an eyebrow and her lip curved up in the ghost of a smirk. This was another thing she'd missed; getting a chance to trade barbs with him. "Surprising coming from you," she responded. "What's got you so cheerful, huh?"

His smile never wavered. "Well, I'm just glad that you, Rei, and Touji are all doing better," he replied. "It's nice that things are finally looking up for all of us."

Asuka nodded, her smirk transforming into a genuine, if lopsided, smile. It was nice that someone had some hope about things. She couldn't help but wonder if his cheerfulness and optimism had something to do with the person he'd gone to visit after leaving her room the previous day... "Yeah, I suppose they are," she returned quietly. "How did it go with Rei yesterday?"

Shinji got this look in his eyes she couldn't quite place. It was like he was replaying a happy memory. "Yeah..." he replied softly. "I'd say that things went well."

Her curiosity wouldn't be satisfied by such a simple statement. "Oh?" she pressed. "What happened then?"

His smile grew. "We talked about a lot of things," he replied. "I apologized for what I said and she forgave me. We agreed to be friends again."

Asuka's brow raised considerably. Was he serious? After all their dancing around and with both of them harboring feelings for the other there was no way that one of them hadn't made a move. Granted, both of them were pair of chicken-shits, but still... "Just friends?" she asked.

His smile fell. "Yeah," he responded. "Why?"

Asuka laughed quietly and shook her head before breathing a heavy sigh. This was both unbelievable and yet so infuriatingly typical of both of them. "You're an idiot..." she huffed softly.

"What?" Shinji responded, sounding indignant. "What did I do wrong?"

Asuka met his gaze with an expression of utter befuddlement. She knew he was dense but how on earth could anyone on planet earth be this dense? "Are you being serious right now?" she scoffed at him, raising her voice. "She told you she loves you and I know for a fact that you're in love with her too! How the hell are you can you be such a fucking moron!"

Shinji regarded her with a wide eyed look of shock for a moment before looking down at his knees and breathing a heavy sigh. "I know..." he replied softly. "But... I didn't want to push her. I mean... after what I said... it didn't feel right to tell her how I feel..."

Asuka couldn't believe him. This absolute, utter, complete imbecile was beyond any level of stupidity she'd ever heard of! "It didn't feel right!?" she exclaimed, whipping her arm out and smacking him across the face, her pent up frustration and perhaps her hurt from how her entanglement with Kaworu welling up in the forefront of her mind flaring up. She knew all too well how horrible it felt to be on the receiving end of a self imposed friend-zone...

"Hey, what the hell!?" Shinji yelped, bringing his hand to his cheek, recoiling from the blow regarding her with a look of hurt and bewilderment. "The cut you gave me just stopped bleeding without a bandage! It's tender!"

It might have been a bit much but Asuka wasn't about to let him off. "What the hell does that matter!? She! Loves! You! You idiot, and there's nothing you can do is going to change that!" she barked at him with a frustrated glare. "She probably is sitting around just wishing you'd say something so just tell her you feel the same way, you stupid bastard!"

Shinji stared at her with a look of shock for a moment but soon his expression shifted, looking at her with an expression of worry before glancing down at his knees. "I suppose..." he murmured. "But... what if you're wrong?"

Asuka rolled her eyes. "You know I'm right," she huffed. "And if you say otherwise then you're a liar."

Shinji breathed a resigned sigh and shook his head, emitting a small chuckle as he did. "Damn... I'm something aren't I?" he muttered wryly. "I really stepped in it, huh?"

Asuka almost wanted to slap him again for wallowing in his faults the way he did all too often. Instead she smiled. She knew all too well just how difficult these kinds of things could be. With that in mind she folded her arms and stared at him with a smirk, partially to cover for how uncomfortable talks like this were for her. "Yeah, you did," she replied. "So go and fix it."

Shinji looked at her with a somber expression. "You know as well as I do that's not an easy thing," he replied. "Yes, I should tell her how I feel but... I guess... deep down I don't know if I'm ready for that yet... does that make sense?"

Asuka screwed her brows up in puzzlement. "Not really," she replied. "What do you mean?"

Shinji grimaced and looked away, a deep frown on his face. He sat there silently for a little while and just as she was about to prompt him to speak he did so on his own. "I just... can't help but think of what could go wrong," he responded quietly. "Like... what if I screw something up again? What if I just end up ruining things the way I always seem to do? If Rei and I... actually... you know... if it all falls apart I don't know if I can handle that. I'm not sure I'm ready to risk that."

Asuka listened to his explanation regarding his hesitation and let it sink in. He was still being a coward but as much as she hated to admit it she definitely understood why he'd feel that way. Losing Kaworu had caused her a deep wound that still ached even now... "I get it," she replied quietly, looking away from him. "I still think you're being a wuss but I get it..."

"Well... thanks for understanding," Shinji returned softly.

Asuka smiled softly. "What are friends for, right?" she murmured in response.

There was a pause before Shinji spoke again. "You know... there was a time when I don't think we could have had a conversation like this," he stated, his tone soft and contemplative.

That comment elicited a little laugh. That was a very true. There was a point when she'd thought he was cute, when she might have been upset with the very idea of him being into Rei, but that was a long time ago, and she would never admit that to him anyway... "Yeah, I suppose you're right," she replied.

Shinji chuckled. "I guess we grew up, huh?" he returned, more a statement than a question.

Asuka smiled. It was true. All of them had grown a lot since they'd been together at NERV. She looked over at him and nodded. "Yeah, I guess we did," she replied.

Shinji's grin wavered. "So... When do you think they'll let you out of here?" he asked. "It's been kind of quiet at home without you there."

She knew he didn't mean to give offense with that comment but that wouldn't stop her from teasing him. "Are you trying to say that I'm loud?" she retorted with a smirk.

Shinji winced and his eyes went wide. "N- no, I'm not saying that," he replied, putting his hands up, presumably expecting another slap, and recoiling in the chair. He frowned and looked down at his knees, placing his hands atop them. "I'm just saying that things have been different. It hasn't been... normal without you at home."

"I can imagine," Asuka replied in a snarky tone of voice. "Misato just drinks beer all day and sits on her computer and you've probably just been sitting in your room listening to music."

Shinji laughed wryly. "Yeah... that's not too far from it," he returned. "So, when are they letting you out of here?"

Asuka sighed, her smile giving way to a bitter frown as she thought about what the doctors and medical staff continually told her regarding her discharge. "Whenever they decide that I'm mentally stable enough," she responded in a derisive tone, putting her hands up and giving the air quotes gesture for emphasis. "Seriously, they know my eye is never getting any better and I feel fine. I don't understand why they won't just let me go home already."

Shinji frowned. "Asuka, you tried to kill yourself..." he murmured softly.

Asuka sighed. Of course he had to bring that up. It was true but it still hurt... "Yeah, well... that's in the past..." she grumbled bitterly. "It's not like I'm gonna try doing that again..."

There was a short pause before Shinji spoke again. "Still... you should at least understand why they're keeping you," he replied. "You really made us worry..."

Asuka scowled. "Can we talk about something else?" she huffed. "I know what I did and I shouldn't have done it. That's that."

Shinji nodded. "Very well," he replied. "When do you think you'll be ready to talk to Rei?"

Asuka's scowl deepened. It was a change in topic alright but she was hoping to bring things back to something less unpleasant to discuss. Seriously, did he really have to talk to her about such heavy topics one after the next? "I don't know..." she murmured in response. "I don't think what I did as as easy a fix as your situation..."

"That may be true," Shinji replied. "But it doesn't hurt to try. I mean, it may not make things how they were but at least you'll know where you stand."

Such a simple statement but one that held quite a bit of wisdom, something she never thought him capable of. He had a very good point. As long as she sat here in this room and did nothing then things would only continue remaining in limbo. Asuka laughed softly, her smile returning. "You've changed, Shinji," she stated. "You really have."

He chuckled awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck. "You're not the first one to tell me that today..." he muttered in response.

"Well, it's true," Asuka stated. "You do seem different from the person you were before."

"Thanks, I guess," he replied with an awkward smile. "So... what now? What do you think you'll do?"

Again, a very direct and poignant question, one that she knew she had no way of evading without looking like a jerk or a coward. She bowed her head and contemplated what needed to be done, the possibilities of what could potentially happen swirling in her mind. She supposed she needed to let go of her pride and her reservations and just go and see her. If Shinji could do it then so could she. Besides, if there was anyone she still refused to be outdone by it was him, and on top of that she could possibly make him squirm a little bit in the process... "I guess I'll just go see her now then," she replied, forcing a smirk and swinging herself out of the bed and slipping her feet into the slippers beside it. "But you're coming with me."

He tilted his head and looked at her with a curious expression. "Why do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

Asuka's smirk grew. "So I can get you to fess up while I'm there, that's why," she replied.

Shinji's eyes went wide. "Wh- what!?" he sputtered out. "I- I just told you that I'm not ready yet!"

And so much as he'd changed, in many ways he was still the same old Shinji... "I'm not gonna make you do that, ya dingus," she replied with a laugh, punching him in the arm lightly. "You should know when I'm screwing with you by now."

Shinji breathed a sigh. "Yeah... I probably should," he responded with a lopsided grin.

Asuka stood up from the bed and smoothed out her medical gown. "I guess I'll get going and do what needs to be done," she stated, trying to hide her growing unease from slipping into her voice. "You can go and do whatever. I'll go it alone..."

Shinji's brow furrowed and he regarded her with a look of concern. "Just a second ago you said you wanted me there," he replied.

Asuka stared off at the door, a frown taking shape on her lips yet again. "I know what I said," she returned. "But this is something I know I should face alone."

Shinji stood up from his chair and placed a hand on her shoulder. "It'll go fine," he stated warmly. "I'm sure you'll work things out."

Asuka forced a smile even as her anxiety began to spike. "Thanks, Shinji," she replied quietly. "See you later..."

"See you later," he returned. "Good luck..."

There was nothing left to say and so she strode out of the room without another word. As soon as she entered the hall her frown returned in force, the weight of what she'd committed to doing settling in...

---

Rei sat in silence in her room with a small smile resting on her lips. The food Shinji brought for her was a welcome reprieve from the hospital rations and his visit genuinely warmed her heart even if she'd have preferred he'd stayed with her a bit longer. Even so she felt it was a good sign that he'd kept his promise and come to visit her like he said he would. That was enough to tell her that things were on track to improve, that the gulf that had opened between them was closing.

Her thoughts drifted to the news Ritsuko gave her soon after Shinji left and her smile wavered. Soon enough she'd be living under the same roof as the boy she loved and eventually she'd have to interact with Asuka once again. Thinking about that possibility filled her with anxiety, especially in the wake of what happened before the battle regarded Nagisa's death. If there was anyone who justifiably deserved to hold a grudge against her it was Asuka...

"Hey..." a voice called from the entryway of her room

Rei flinched and looked up, staring at the entrance to her room with wide eyes. In the doorway stood Asuka, wearing a hospital gown and a dour expression on her face. Part of her was glad to see her but the memory of the last time they'd spoken weighed heavy. "H- hello, Asuka..." she stammered out.

Asuka's lips curved downward and she shuffled on her feet, bowing her head slightly. "Look, I don't want to make things weird," she muttered. "I'm sorry for what I did. I wasn't in a good head space..."

The tension in her muscles relaxed but a deep frown overtook her. Rei looked down at her covers and balled her hands in the sheets, the guilt over the circumstance of what caused Asuka's outburst toward her jabbing at her heart. "I don't hold it against you..." she murmured softly. "I should have told you about Nagisa..."

Asuka's frown intensified in turn. "It would have been nice if you had..." she muttered bitterly, looking down at her feet. "But... I don't think it would have changed anything..."

A tense pause hung in the air with neither girl daring to break the silence. Eventually Rei dared to break it. "So... what now?" she asked quietly, turning to face her estranged friend.

Asuka met her gaze and issued an awkward grin. "I suppose we try to move on, right?" she responded weakly.

Rei nodded, a small smile returning to her. "I would like that," she replied.

Asuka breathed a heavy sigh and stepped forward into the room, taking a seat in the chair beside the bed. "I would like that too," she stated softly. "Just... let's try not to talk about it too much, okay?"

Rei understood where she was coming from. She knew that Asuka was the kind of person who preferred to keep things to herself and deal with things on her own. "If that's your wish I'll respect it," she replied warmly.

Asuka's lips twitched upward. "Thanks..." she replied.

Now that she was sitting closer it was then that Rei noticed Asuka's pale, discolored left eye. Instantly she was wracked with concern. Clearly something horrible must have happened to her. "What happened to your eye?" she spoke out softly.

Asuka chuckled wryly. "Oh, this?" she responded, lifting a hand up and pointing toward the object of discussion. "Yeah, this happened during the battle. I fought the entire Mass Production Series by myself. I would have beat em all too but my battery ran out right as I took a spear to the face..."

Rei bit her lip and looked downward. This was something Shinji hadn't told her about but she understood why he wouldn't. It would only have worried her further and it was Asuka's story to tell. Still... knowing this only intensified her guilt as an accessory to all the bad things that had befallen her friends. "I'm sorry..." she murmured. "I'm sorry that happened to you..."

Asuka sighed. "Don't apologize," she replied with a weak grin. "Besides, I still have my other one, and I heard you got hurt pretty bad too."

"I did," Rei returned quietly, instantly conscious of the still aching scars on her back. "But I don't remember it too vividly. I'm somewhat thankful for that."

"Heh, I suppose you're lucky..." Asuka remarked with a bitter laugh. "What happened to me hurt like hell..."

Rei bit her lip. "I'm sorry..." she stated softly. "I'm sorry you had to experience that..."

Asuka breathed a heavy sigh. "Let's just talk about something else then," she said. "Since they don't have a psych hold on you, when do they think they'll let you out of this place?"

Rei fidgeted with her sheets as a nervous smile washed over her. She didn't want to tell Asuka what Ritsuko told her just a little earlier in the day but she knew she had to, even though she worried about how she would react. If she was being honest with herself, she was more worried about how Asuka would handle things than Shinji. Shinji would get flustered perhaps but she could see the prospect rousing Asuka's ire. She drew a deep breath... "Tomorrow..." she replied.

"That's good," Asuka stated warmly, her lips curving up just a little. "I know you're apartment isn't much better than this place, but still, I'm happy for you."

Rei bit her lip. Now for the difficult part of the situation... "My apartment was destroyed during the city's bombardment..." she murmured in reply.

"Oh..." Asuka uttered in confusion. "Then... where will you be staying?"

Rei took a deep breath and let it out. Time to tell the truth. Besides, omissions and lies had caused all of her problems. She wouldn't make those mistakes again... "Misato-san offered to let me stay at the apartment you and Shinji share with her..." she replied softly.

The seconds began to tick by and Asuka didn't respond. Rei braced herself for the worst but then the redhead let out an exasperated laugh. "Are you serious?" she inquired in an incredulous tone.

Rei looked up to find Asuka looking at her with an exasperated look and issued a timid nod. "I am..." she responded nervously.

Asuka looked stunned for a second but then threw her head back and laughed. Something about that exaggerated guffaw made Rei think it wasn't genuine, that she was hiding how uncomfortable the news made her feel, but she wasn't going to question her. It might make things more awkward than they already were. It might hinder the process of repairing the broken bond between the two of them. After a moment Asuka breathed another sigh and shook her head. "Of course Misato would agree to something like that without telling me about it..." she huffed.

Rei frowned. Indeed it was rather improper that Asuka was learning such information from herself instead of Misato. "That does seem a bit problematic..." she agreed quietly.

"Oh well, I guess it is what it is," Asuka returned. "Just don't go rummaging through my things while we're sharing a room..."

She knew that Asuka knew that she would never attempt such an action but it was best reassure her. "I shall not," Rei responded.

There was a pause before Asuka spoke again. "Does Shinji know?" Asuka asked quietly.

Rei shook her head. "As far as I know, he doesn't," she responded quietly.

Asuka snickered softly. "Well, I suppose he'll be both flustered and a bit excited when he finds out," she replied. "That stupid idiot loves you, you know..."

Rei's cheeks began to burn in response to the assertion. Was she being serious? Was she speaking the truth? If that was the case then... why had Shinji refrained from letting that be known? "Wh- what makes you think that?" she stammered, looking down at her knees and fidgeting with her sheets.

Asuka breathed an exasperated sigh. "Jesus, you're just as dense as he is, aren't you?" she huffed. "Come on, you can't tell me you don't see it, right?"

Rei bit her lip. She hoped it was the truth, she really did, but... Shinji's actions recently made her doubt such an assertion. "I hope you're right... but I'm uncertain..." she murmured in reply.

"Well, I guess give it time," Asuka responded quietly. "He'll come around. You'll see."

Rei smiled, the fire in her cheeks reaching new heights. "That would be... agreeable..." she murmured softly.

There was a pause that hung in the air and Asuka hung her head, shaking it and issuing a wry laugh. "This almost feels like old times..." she muttered, sounding a little bitter. "Who would have thought we could have stupid talks like this again? Still... everything's different now... it feels different."

Rei nodded her head, contemplating those words. What she said held undeniable truth. Things were different, but not because they'd been wounded or extraneous things. Things were different because they were different. "I think we grew up..." she replied. There was no other way to categorize the things they'd been through.

"I guess you're right," Asuka responded. "It's rough, huh?"

Rei nodded again. "Yes," she replied. "It is..."

Asuka chuckled. "That probably explains your new hair, huh?" she jabbed. "All the stress of things made you go gray early."

Rei smirked and turned to face her friend. Of course she could expect some sort of joke like that from her friend. No matter what, Asuka would always be Asuka... "It's a bit more complicated than that," she replied. "But perhaps there's some truth in that."

Asuka snickered and flicked a lock of her own hair over her shoulder in a dramatic motion. "Well, I guess that's something I'll always have over you," she teased with a smirk of her own. "I may have lost an eye but I still have my beautiful red locks."

Rei's smirk turned into a genuine, sympathetic smile. "Things could always be worse, right?" she replied.

Asuka smiled back. "That's very true," she responded. "One could find themselves falling for a boy who's secretly an Angel, or even worse... Shinji."

With that line, Rei couldn't help but give in to laughter...

---

Shinji pressed open the doors to what had once been his father's office and stepped inside, finding the person he wished to see seated behind his father's old desk. Before he could say a word, the old professor had met his gaze. "Good afternoon," Commander Fuyutsuki called to him. "How are you today?"

Shinji gave a polite nod. "I'm well, sir," he stated softly. "Do you have a moment?"

"I can make time," Fuyutsuki responded with a smile.

Shinji stepped forward until he was directly in front of the desk and looked down at his feet. Indeed, he was being truthful when he'd told Rei he wanted a rematch in shogi but that was far less important than expressing the thanks he owed. Hearing those tapes from his father was something he'd very much needed to hear. He'd needed that closure and motivation to get up and start trying again, even if it was still a very difficult and messy process. "I listened to my father's tapes..." he stated softly.

"Ah, I see," Fuyutsuki responded quietly. "Did they help you find a bit of closure?"

Shinji smiled and nodded, the memory of certain passages in those recordings playing over in his mind once again. "Yes..." he replied. "There were things in those tapes that I... that I needed to hear. Thank you for keeping them for me."

Fuyutsuki chuckled and regarded him with a genuine, almost familial smile. "It was your father's request," he returned warmly. "I simply followed his directive."

"Regardless, you have my thanks," Shinji replied.

"Very well," Fuyutsuki replied, his smile turning into a bit of a smirk. "I accept your gratitude... but I cannot help but perceive that there's something more you want."

Shinji's eyes widened. As soon as the shock wore off he chuckled and shook his head. The old man had seen right through him... "What gave it away?" he asked.

"There's something in your eyes," Fuyutsuki replied quietly. "It's the same look your father used to get when he was trying to keep his secrets."

Shinji smiled. Perhaps... perhaps he and his father weren't all that different, but he could choose going forward to embody the good aspects of the man, the parts that only too late he'd come to know and appreciate. "There is something else I'd like from you..." he returned softly.

"Anything for Yui's son," Fuyutsuki responded warmly.

Shinji glanced over to the side of the onyx black desk and noted the folding chair which he'd sat in during their previous meeting was tucked up neatly against it. Was the old man expecting him? "I'd like to pay shogi with you again," he replied. "My performance last time was lacking. I know I can do better..."

Fuyutsuki's smile widened. The old man reached down, opened one of the drawers in the desk, and silently retrieved the board, setting it on the table. After a moment he'd finished setting the pieces in place and looked up with an expression that displayed both pride and beckoned a challenge. "Very well," he said. "Let us begin, Ikari..."

Shinji moved to where the folding chair rested against the desk, unfolded it opposite his opponent, sat down, and played his first move...

---

Touji flopped back onto his hospital bed with an exhausted groan. His physical therapy session for the day, as helpful and necessary as it was, had thoroughly exhausted him. He found it frustrating how much strength he'd lost in the time he'd spent unconscious but there was nothing he could do but move forward and build it back. Now that he had his new leg maybe once he was through with therapy he could get back to playing basketball one day... maybe.

"Touji!" a cheerful voice called from the door to his room.

He recognized the voice and instantly sat up in surprise. Before he could even get a word out a pair of little arms were locked around his midsection. "Sakura!" he exclaimed in surprise. The last time he'd seen her she was still recovering from when Unit 01 nearly crushed her. "What are you doing here!?"

"I'm better now!" his younger sister cried out with glee. "I'm glad you're getting better too!"

He brought his arms around her and held her tight, a profound feeling of relief washing over him. At least his decision to pilot Unit 03 ultimately paid off, even if it was at such a great cost to himself. "That's good," he replied. "I'm glad you're better too."

Sakura squeezed his ribs tighter, making him wince. His ribs, though they'd healed, were still very tender. "The battle was super scary..." the young girl said.

Touji's smile faltered at those words. From the way she said that, he could guess that his sister must have been either still somewhere in the medical ward during it or at their home on the edges of the city... "I bet it was..." he replied softly. "How long have you been out and about?"

"Not long, maybe a week or two," Sakura returned softly, with her face still buried in his chest. "I wanted to visit you but the tan suit NERV people wouldn't let me or daddy..."

Touji laughed wryly. "Yeah, they're jerks aren't they?" he replied. "Where's dad now? Is he here?"

"I'm here, son..." came another voice from the doorway.

Touji looked up and was met with the sight of his father standing there a few meters away. The man was looking at him with a stern, unreadable expression. It reminded him of the look the man wore whenever he wished to dole out discipline. "Hey dad..." Touji responded meekly.

His father stepped closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder, his expression getting a little softer. "Are you doing alright?" he asked.

Touji nodded. "I'm getting better," he replied.

His father's lips twitched upward momentarily before returning to that stern expression of his. "You did something incredibly irresponsible and dangerous," the man stated quietly. "You nearly got yourself killed..."

Touji scowled. Of course his dad would scold him for doing everything he could to help Sakura. "Yeah, I did," he grumbled. "But I did it so Sakura could get better."

"I know," His father replied. "And that's a very noble thing. I just... wish you would have told me before you agreed to join NERV."

Touji's scowl turned into a defiant smirk. "You would have stopped me," he countered.

"I would have tried," his father replied, a sober smile appearing on his lips. "I probably wouldn't have succeeded."

Touji chuckled wryly. "You're probably right."

Sakura released her grip on him and stepped back, standing side by side with their father, taking his hand. She looked up at the man and smiled. "Do you feel better too now, daddy?" she asked.

"I do," their father responded softly, his lips curving upward.

Touji smiled back at the both of them. At least, no matter how hard things got, at least he still had his family and friends. So long as he had that, the long road to recovery could never wear him down...

---

Shinji sat in the front passenger seat of Misato's car as his guardian drove back to their apartment complex from the geofront. As his guardian parked on the lift platform that connected NERV headquarters to the surface level, he couldn't help but marvel at the fact that the SDF corps of engineers had made such quick work in restoring it. He wondered what could have been if NERV had the amount of manpower and resources to make such things happen during the Angel war. Perhaps they could have had an easier time, but he knew where those resources had ultimately been spent; the Mass Production Series which had been sent to destroy them...

"So how did things go with Asuka and Rei today?" Misato asked.

Instantly his thoughts shifted to those interactions from earlier in the day and he grinned. Strangely, he was glad she was asking about this and not how he'd lost three games of shogi in a row against Fuyutsuki, not that she had any knowledge of that anyway. Either way, he'd log ago accepted that no matter what he discussed with her he'd have to endure some amount of teasing. "Things went well," he replied. "Rei enjoyed the soup I brought for her and Asuka is doing a little better."

"Good," Misato responded quietly. "That's good..."

Something about the way she said that seemed odd, like she was apprehensive about something. He turned to face her and found she was looking ahead with a pensive expression and his brow furrowed. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

Misato looked over at him and issued a sheepish grin. "Well... I have some news..." she responded nervously.

Shinji wasn't sure if he should be tense or curious. "What kind of news?" he asked. Whatever it was, it couldn't be too disturbing, depressing, or life altering. All the Angels were gone and NERV was no longer at risk of being destroyed by the military so how bad could it be?

"Well... things are about to change," Misato responded, looking forward and away from him.

Shinji frowned. "How so?" he asked.

"Rei is going to be released from the hospital tomorrow..." Misato responded quietly.

That news immediately turned his frown upside down. Immediately all of his nervousness washed away. This was the best news she could have given him. "That's great!" he exclaimed.

Misato looked over at him with that sheepish grin of hers and a nervous look in her eyes. "Yeah... about that..." she spoke softly. "Rei's apartment was destroyed during the battle so... she's going to be staying with us for a while."

Shinji's eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. That was utterly unexpected. "Wh- what!?" he stammered in shock and surprise.

Misato's grin turned playful. "What?" she teased. "Are you really upset that you'll have another cute girl as a roommate?"

Shinji looked away and bit his lip as the implications of this shocking development began to set in. If things weren't so complicated then he might have been thrilled with the news but right now all it did was fill him with worry. On the one hand he'd be able to spend more time with Rei than ever before but on the other it would make things very awkward all things considered. "I'm not upset," he responded quietly. "Just... surprised."

"Now you seem tense," Misato replied, her teasing demeanor replaced with concern. "Mind telling me what's bothering you?"

Shinji shifted uncomfortably in his seat, unsure of how to put words to the thoughts swimming in his mind. "Things between Rei and I were... tense for a little while and I'm worried that if she's living with us that might complicate things," he returned. It was only half the truth but he didn't want to tell her what he'd told Asuka earlier in the day. Heavens knew, if Misato knew, he'd never hear the end of it...

Silence fell in the cabin of the car. The only sounds were the soft hum of the motor and the whir of the mechanical lift raising them to the surface level. "Oh..." Misato murmured in response. "So that's what happened that day before the battle. You got in a bad argument with her, huh?"

He nodded softly. "Yeah, I did..." he replied quietly. "Things are better now but... I can't help but worry I might hurt her again..."

There was another pause before Misato responded. "What was the argument about, if I might ask?" she inquired.

Shinji breathed a sigh. He didn't want to relive it. He didn't want to dredge up that bitter memory once again... "I'd rather not talk about it..." he replied. "But basically I was angry with her for something that I should have understood wasn't easy for her..."

"Well... I guess the only thing you can do is try to move forward and not make that kind of mistake again, right?" Misato returned warmly.

Shinji's lips curved upwards. It was such a simple statement conveying such a simple idea but it really cut to the heart of the matter. Perhaps she had a point and it really was that simple... "You're right..." he replied. "Maybe it is that easy..."

The lift finished its travel and Misato shifted the car into gear, taking it out from the lift and onto the damaged, bombed out road before them. The orange glow of the sunset enveloped the car. "Things are gonna get better eventually," she murmured. "I know they will."

"Yeah," Shinji replied with a nod. "Eventually."

Another silence fell in the cabin of the car. "The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" Misato stated quietly after a moment of pause.

"Yeah..." Shinji replied, taking in how even amid the desolation of what had once been a city, the sky continued to display the same beauty as it always had over thousands and thousands of years. "It is..."

---

It was evening, and Asuka stood in the hallway outside of her room, reflecting on her conversation and subsequent reconciliation with Rei earlier in the day. Thinking back, it was strange just how... easy things had been. To think that Rei had so easily forgiven her for what she'd done was honestly a bit hard to come to terms with. Deep down, a part of her actually kind of... wished that she'd been excoriated for what she'd done. Part of her felt she deserved that and it hadn't happened. Sure, she'd enjoyed being able to trade jokes and have things resemble something similar to how things once had been but... she didn't feel like she deserved that joy, that closure.

Now that she'd had some time, multiple days to come to terms with all that had happened she found herself at a loss. She'd accepted that she'd lost against the Mass Production Series, that she'd been a fool to attack Rei for keeping Kaworu's origin a secret, and that she'd been a fool to attack Shinji but... somehow she still felt empty. No matter how much things got back to normal it still felt like something was missing, like something was hollowed out of her, something she could never get back.

Her hand drifted up to her face, feeling her fingers across the eyelid on her blinded side. Seeing Rei as she was now was a truly humbling experience. Her friend had suffered at least as much as she had, her grayed hair and the change in her eye color signified that, but somehow that just made everything feel worse. It was as if... even in defeat she wasn't unique. She wasn't special anymore, not in any way... and that fucking hurt.

Asuka balled her hands at her sides. Why did everything seem to end up hollowed out at every end of her existence? Why did things never seem to get easier? If Rei had told her to screw off and to never speak to her again then things would have been easier. If Kaworu were still alive then things would be easier, but no... that wasn't how things would ever play out. Nothing was ever easy for her and she had to accept that as hard as it was...

She shook her head and sighed as wry, bitter laughter escaped her lips. It was so funny, how things just kept getting more and more complicated. Part of her still wanted to hold on to her anger, to her resentment even now. No matter how much time passed and no matter how much better things would get between herself, Shinji, and Rei, she still loved Kaworu. She still felt humiliated for losing in the last battle. She still felt like she was lesser for failing even when the odds were stacked against her. No matter how much reason she used to fight that notion, the emotion still remained... it was really fucking funny when she thought on it.

Soon enough the laughter turned to tears and she found herself weeping, holding her face in her hands as she leaned with her forearms against the window before her. The humor of her situation was not enough to beat back the utter tragedy of it. Rei was going to be living in her home, in her old room no less, and she would still be confined to this shitty hospital wing until some pencil pusher deigned that she was mentally healthy enough to leave. It was fucking humiliating...

But then again... she deserved that, didn't she? It was punishment for her hubris and unwillingness to change, to accept that she had to grow, that she wasn't as unique and special as she always thought herself to be, that deep down she needed the people in her life. It took her far to long to realize that... and now she felt undeserving of their friendship and care. If only she'd been appreciative of the people she had in her life. If only she'd been focused on people other than herself. Maybe things would have played out differently. Maybe she'd been able to change things. Maybe Kaworu would still be alive.

"I don't deserve to be loved..." she murmured softly. "I've been such a horrible person. I don't understand how they can forgive me. I don't understand..."

It hurt that she'd realized what was important to her far to late and to know that she had no one else to blame for the alienation she felt other than herself...

---

It was mid afternoon and Tetsuo Fujita sat in the passenger seat of the car he and Kaji were renting outside the gates of Matyas Kolinski's estate on the outskirts of Prague. The compound was surrounded by an wrought iron fence and the architecture of the mansion was best described as Gothic with its gray stone walls and plate glass windows. "This place looks like somewhere Dracula would live..." he quipped softly.

Kaji snickered softly. "Yeah... it certainly has a sinister aesthetic..." he replied.

Fujita fidgeted in his seat. "So what's your plan?" he asked. "Just go up and knock on the front door?"

"Do you have any better ideas?" Kaji inquired in response.

"I don't know, call the Americans over at Ramstein in Germany and have this place blown to hell with a JDAM?" he responded only half joking.

"That paints a pretty picture, but I doubt they'd sign off an airstrike within a NATO member state," Kaji returned.

Fujita sighed. "I know you're right, but it would make things easier..." he huffed in mild annoyance. "So... are we doing this or not?"

Kaji said nothing and opened the driver side door, exiting the car. Fujita followed in turn and the two men marched up to the gate. Fujita watched as Kaji placed a hand on it and the piece of wrought iron began to move, creaking open and leaving the cobblestone path to the manor's door clear to tread.

Fujita's brow furrowed, his stomach tightening up with worry. This didn't feel right. "That's weird..." he vocalized. "Strange that the gate is unlocked, don't you think?"

"Perhaps we're being invited in?" Kaji replied, wasting no time in striding forward up the path.

Fujita scowled at this behavior. Kaji's demeanor lately was starting to concern him. Ever since their release from prison and their talk with Nagumo, he'd been getting more and more serious, dour, and in all honesty, rather reckless. In any other circumstance he might have found it funny since he was usually the reckless one between the two of them but with considering they were taking on a bunch of genocidal maniacs it was no laughing matter. "I think we should be playing this one a bit more carefully..." he stated quietly as he followed after him.

"We don't have the luxury," Kaji replied curtly. "We can't risk this lead drying up."

Fujita's scowl deepened. "I know you're right, but still... I don't like this," he returned. "It just doesn't feel right..."

"We stick to the plan," Kaji responded. "We're associates of Kolinski on a business trip from Japan, just like we agreed."

"As if anyone is going to believe that when the whole fucking world is currently hunting these assholes?" Fujita scoffed. "You're dumber than you look."

"And your sarcastic quips are really starting to piss me off," Kaji snapped. "I'm seriously doubting that you even possess the capacity to keep your damn mouth shut."

That comment actually made him chuckle. "You're not the first person to tell me that," he responded.

Kaji sighed. "How the hell does Shikishima put up with you?" he groaned.

"Perhaps it's my natural charisma and my ability to get others to talk?" Fujita quipped. "That and I'm really good at shooting people when I have to."

"I suppose you're good for something then," Kaji jabbed in response as they neared the ornate oak door of the manor.

That one actually kinda hurt... "Hey, don't be like that," he responded. "I thought after all this time we were friends?"

"We are," Kaji replied. "That doesn't mean you're not an asshole."

Fujita was about to respond but the sound of the door to the manor opening cut him off. Instantly his attention pivoted it and he watched as an elderly Czech man dressed like a butler stepped out onto the porch. The man was walking with a cane and greeted the two of them with a warm smile. "Dobrý den," he stated. "Jste ti japonští zabijáci, kteří byli vysláni, aby zabili toho bastarda, pro kterého pracuji?"

Both Fujita and Kaji stared at the old man with confusion. Truly, it was strange to have such a warm welcome. "What the fuck is he saying?" Fujita asked Kaji through his teeth as he feigned a smile.

"I told you I don't speak Czech..." Kaji responded quietly.

"Dobře, řekni mi, o co ti jde," the old man continued. "Jestli ho chceš zabít, rád ti pomůžu, ale on tu teď není."

Fujita watched as Kaji raised a hand and smiled. "Grüße," he stated. "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"

The old man nodded, never losing that smile of his. "Ja," he replied, nodding his head.

"Mein name ist Ryouji Kaji. Das ist mein gefolgsmann, Tetsuo Fujita," Kaji stated with a gesture in Fujita's direction. "Wir sind freunde ihres auftraggebers. Ist er hier?"

The old man's eyes narrowed and his smile wavered slightly. "Das ist er nicht, aber er könnte bald zurückkehren," he replied as he turned around and hobbled back through the threshold. "Kommen Sie herein. Ich mache tee und wir warten zusammen auf ihn. Es ist immer eine freude, freunde von Meister Kolinski zu treffen."

Fujita was growing more and more unnerved by the second. This old codger was just too welcoming. It didn't sit right. On top of that, he couldn't understand a damn thing that was being said so he looked over at Kaji. "What the hell did he say to you?" he asked.

Kaji stepped forward into the doorway. "He's inviting us in," he replied. "Best to act like polite guests and oblige."

Fujita scowled and followed his comrade inside...

The interior of the place seemed ancient. The furnishings seemed like they were from another era, some time in the mid nineteenth century. Victorian? Was that was this style was called? With the life he'd lived he had no knowledge of interior styling. All he knew is that this type of place was exactly what he would expect some elite, rich asshole to style their home like. There were crystal chandeliers, golden wall fixtures, fancy mahogany furniture, the works. "Privileged prick certainly knows how to decorate..." Fujita muttered to himself.

"It is a bit extravagant..." Kaji murmured in reply as they followed behind the old man.

The three men continued going room to room until they reached the dining room. The old man beckoned them to sit down at the ornate oak table with a gesture of his hand. "Bitte setzen sie sich." he stated as he moved to exit the room. "Ich bin bald mit dem tee zurück."

Fujita watched the old man hobble out of the room before speaking. "What's your plan now?" he asked as soon as he was certain the codger was out of earshot. "Do we just make small talk until his asshole boss comes back, if he's coming back?"

"Perhaps," Kaji replied. "And if he doesn't come back then perhaps we can glean more information as to where he is."

Fujita scoffed. "You think that old codger would know?" he retorted. "Even if Kolinski did tell him he's probably forgotten already. The man is so old he probably shits dust."

"He seems like he's all there," Kaji replied with a smirk. "I just hope the tea he's bringing us is good."

Fujita was about to make a reply about how Europeans, from what he understood, knew nothing of decent green teas when he heard the telltale sound of a shotgun's slide being racked. Instantly he sprung out of his chair and drew his pistol as he whipped around to find the old man holding a pump action shotgun, pointing it directly at Kaji's head. "Es tut mir schrecklich leid, aber wenn ihr wirklich freunde meines arbeitgebers seid, dann müsst ihr sterben," the old man stated, his expression deathly serious.

Fujita trained his gun on the old man. He could blast him but he might not be able to put him down before he blew Kaji's head off. On top of that, if he wasted this guy that was collateral damage and he'd never hear the end of it. "You still think this is going well?" he snapped to Kaji.

Kaji put up his hands slowly in surrender. "Lassen sie uns nicht voreilig sein. Lassen sie uns reden," he replied nervously. "Ich verstehe also, dass sie wissen, was Kolinski getan hat, und dass sie ihn missbilligen?

"Das ist richtig," the old man hissed, keeping his gun trained at Kaji's face. "Ich weiß, wie böse SEELE ist, und ich werde niemanden dulden, der es unterstützt, nicht mehr."

Fujita was beginning to get irritated. It seemed like this man was not willing to listen to reason. "Tell me what he said, Ryouji, or I'll shoot him on fucking principle!" he barked.

"I might be getting somewhere!" Kaji snapped before continuing to speak with the old man. "Es tut mir leid, aber in meinem beruf ist es nicht üblich, die wahrheit zu sagen. Wir sind spione aus Japan, die hier sind, um ihren boss zu fangen."

The old codger lowered the shotgun slightly. "Zeigen sie mir den beweis," he hissed.

Fujita had enough. His blood was boiling. He took a step closer to the old man. In his experience, the longer Mexican standoffs lasted, the more likely they'd end poorly. At this point, to hell with collateral damage, their lives were more important. "Drop the gun, you wrinkly old fuck, or I'll blow your head off!" he barked.

"Sagen sie ihrem freund, er soll die waffe fallen lassen, sonst töte ich sie," the old man snapped at Kaji.

"He says to lower your gun or he'll shoot me," Kaji stated.

"From my perspective, it looks like he'll shoot you if I don't!" Fujita hissed. "Let me blast this asshole!"

Kaji whipped his head around and faced him with a deathly serious expression. "Tetsuo! Holster your weapon! Now!" he spat.

Fujita's stomach churned but he reluctantly did as instructed. He knew Kaji well enough by now that if he was cooking a plan that he should trust him. Still, he kept his hand on the butt of his pistol, just in case. "He so much as flinches and I'm wasting him..." he grumbled.

Kaji turned back to the old man and slowly lowered his hands, reaching one inside his suit jacket. He delicately pulled out his passport and his PSIA identification card and slid it across the table. "Hier ist der beweis," he stated nervously.

The old man lowered the shotgun and doddered over, picking up the passport and identification card. After a moment of looking it over the old man set the gun down on the table and slid the items back to Kaji. "Na dann..." he said with a grin. "Ich werde dir sagen, wo ich glaube, dass er ist..."

This turn of events was utterly and completely bewildering. Fujita shook his head in confusion. "Okay, what the fuck just happened!?" he exclaimed, holstering his pistol and putting his hands up in exasperation.

Kaji smirked, leaning forward and resting his elbow on the table, visibly relaxed. "He's agreed to help us," he stated simply.

Fujita let out a shocked and exasperated laugh. "This is nuts..." he grumbled as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Wo können wir ihn finden?" Kaji asked the old man.

"In Rom, in der nähe des Vatikans," the old man responded. "Er hat dort eine wohnung. Ich werde ihnen alle seine dokumente geben."

"Ich wäre ihnen dankbar," Kaji replied.

The old man gave a nod and began doddering out of the dining room, leaving the shotgun on the table. As soon as he left Fujita turned to Kaji. "What did he say?" he asked, desperate to make sense of what just happened.

"Our target is in Rome, near Vatican City," Kaji replied. "He's going to give us all of Kolinski's records."

Fujita breathed a sigh and shook his head. "Great, another fucking road trip," he huffed in annoyance. "And did he really have to point that gun at you to find out where he is?"

"I made the wrong call," Kaji replied calmly. "I assumed that anyone here would be in agreement with SEELE's plans."

Fujita scowled. "I don't understand how you can take things so lightly," he returned. "Ryouji, you almost lost your head."

Kaji's eyes narrowed and his expression got very serious. "So long as I get to the truth, the ends justify the means," he replied.

Fujita's brow furrowed. "You know... you're starting to sound like the assholes we're fighting," he stated quietly. "I don't disagree, but it's still a dangerous mentality to have."

Before Kaji could respond to him, the old man returned to the dining room, carrying a very large stack of folders and loose papers. "Darin sollten alle erforderlichen informationen enthalten sein," the old man stated as he set them on the table. "Geh und töte ihn und seine partner."

"Dankeschön," Kaji replied, his expression becoming rather contemplative. "Ich bin ihnen dankbar, aber darf ich fragen, warum sie uns helfen?"

The old man's expression darkened and he cast his gaze to the floor. "Ich wusste schon seit langem, dass Meister Kolinski nichts gutes im schilde führte. Ich hätte nie gedacht, dass er auf etwas so schreckliches hinarbeitet wie eine wiederholung der tragödie, die vor fünfzehn jahren über die welt hereinbrach," he stated softly. "Um meiner enkelkinder willen muss ich meinen teil dazu beitragen, ihn und seine komplizen zur rechenschaft zu ziehen, und sei es noch so klein."

"Das ist sehr nobel von ihnen," Kaji replied, standing up and issuing a polite bow as he gathered up the files and documents. "Nochmals vielen dank."

Fujita watched as the old man smiled and did the same before pointing a finger in his direction. "Sie sind herzlich willkommen," he said. "You German very good. Friend of yours, asshole they are."

Fujita's jaw hit the floor. "What the fuck!? You speak Japanese!?" he exclaimed in utter surprise. Now he actually felt bad for speaking how he had...

The old man shrugged his shoulders. "Ask, you never did," the man replied. "Master Kolinski speak many language. I pick up."

"Again, thank you for your time," Kaji stated calmy, as if this old codger being able to speak Japanese, even poorly, wasn't an incredible revelation. He turned about and began walking toward the doorway to exit the dining room. "We'll be going now."

"Hunting be happy," the old man said sternly. "Pay, make him."

Fujita turned around, his jaw still hanging slack and followed after Kaji without another word. Only once they'd exited the manor did he find the words to express his thoughts. "Okay, how the shit did you not lose it when that old codger started blabbing in our lingo?" he uttered in shock. "And how the hell did you hold it together when he had a gun to your head?"

"I was surprised, and, to be crude about it, I did almost shit myself," Kaji replied as he continued to march up the cobblestone path toward their car. "But we have a job to do. Nothing else matters."

Fujita's brow furrowed once again and his scowl deepened. "Look, we've been through a lot together," he spoke softly. "But you're taking a lot of risks. If I'd just blasted him we could have gathered these files on our own and been out of here and on our way much, much sooner."

"We achieved zero collateral damage and got new information, what do you want from me?" Kaji responded coldly.

Fujita grabbed Kaji by the shoulder and spun him around. "You could have gotten yourself killed!" he exclaimed, fully venting his frustrations. "That endangers the mission and me by extension! You can't keep taking unnecessary risks!"

Kaji smirked. "That's rich, coming from you," he replied calmly.

Fujita grabbed Kaji by the collar of his suit. "So fucking what if it is!" he barked. "We're here to do a job! I can see that this is personal for you, even though you've never told me why, but if you get yourself killed doing something stupid then what the fuck will any of this matter, huh!? Get your damned shit together!"

Kaji slapped his hand away and glared at him. "I have my shit together," he hissed. "And yes, this is personal, but I did what I had to. I did my job as a professional. You, of all people, should understand that."

Fujita grimaced and stood with his hands at his sides, shaking with frustration and rage as he took those words in. He was right and he knew it, but still... it pissed him off. "I've lost a lot of friends in my time..." he growled, letting the truth slip through his lips. "I just don't want to lose another because they did something reckless..."

There was a moment of pause between the two men. "Alright..." Kaji spoke softly. "I'll play the next one more cautiously..."

Fujita stood in place, glaring at his comrade and friend. "You'd better," he snapped. "If you get me killed before I can get my shot with Okazaki I'll come back and haunt you."

Kaji smirked and continued walking back toward their car. "I can't think of a worse fate for me..." he replied flatly.

Fujita shook his head and laughed at his friend's expertly delivered comeback. "Alright then..." he responded quietly as he followed after him. "So I guess we sift through another pile of papers and the hunt continues, huh?"

"So it would seem..." Kaji muttered. "Just like old times, huh?"

"Yeah," Fujita replied with a snicker. "Just like old times..."

---

It was morning and Rei found herself studying her reflection in the mirror of her hospital room's bathroom having just finished getting dressed in her school uniform. It was all the clothing she had left since her apartment was destroyed in the battle and that was what she'd been wearing the day of that tragedy. Seeing how she looked in it now, with her amber brown eyes and ashen hair... it reminded her so much of how she appeared in that dreamworld she'd constructed for herself. Her lips curved upwards. She was slowly but surely becoming the person she wished to be in this world, in all worlds, and that brought her immense joy.

Of course, the only reason she was dressed was yet another thing that brought her joy, that thing being the fact she was finally leaving the hospital. At the same time, moving in with Misato and Shinji, even if it was temporary, was completely nerve wracking. Of course it was a lovely apartment to be living in but it would mean that she'd be spending every day in close proximity to Shinji. That said, she was nervous about that prospect. Being so close to him with her feelings for him as they were... she worried it could lead to problems. She worried she wouldn't be able to hold them back and Shinji seemed adamant they remain friends as they were before. She could only hope that it was just a desire to repair things, that he did eventually want more, but if he didn't... well she didn't want to face that right now. She wanted to look forward toward a brighter future than that.

With that in mind, she closed her eyes, drew a deep breath, let it out, and turned around, exiting the bathroom.

When she exited her hospital room in proper and stepped into the hallway she found Ritsuko standing there waiting for her. "Are you ready to go?" the faux blonde asked with a serious and concerned expression on her face.

Rei nodded. "Yes," she replied. "I'm ready."

Ritsuko placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled. "You know, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me, okay?" she returned warmly.

Rei's lips curved upwards. It was nice to know that no matter what happened she'd always be able to count on Ritsuko. After all, they were family, even before she'd become a true blood relation. "I know," she replied. "I know I can count on you."

Ritsuko's expression shifted slightly. "I'll be checking in on you ever few days," she stated softly. "And I'll make sure to be there when you have your stitches taken out next week."

Rei bit her lip. She was both looking forward to getting her stitches out but she knew it wouldn't be a comfortable thing. At least it would eliminate the persistent itching on her back, hopefully. Still, she was grateful that Ritsuko would be there for that, and that she would be checking in. "Thank you," she replied.

Ritsuko turned and faced off down the hall. "So... let's go, huh?" she said, looking back, her smile turning somewhat somber.

Rei nodded and the two of them set off down the hall. It wasn't long until they reaching the waiting room at the end of the ward and there she found Shinji and Misato waiting for them. "Hey," the Major greeted with a smile. "It's good to see you, Rei. How are you?"

This was the first time they'd seen one another since the battle of Tokyo 3. Something about the fact she hadn't come to visit her before now hurt but she could understand that she probably had a lot of paperwork to do in the wake of everything. Part of her wondered if she'd found time to visit Asuka but now was not the time to ask. "I'm well, Misato-san," she replied. "It's good to see you too."

Shinji stepped up to her and smiled awkwardly. "I uh... I guess we're roommates now, huh?" he stated nervously. "Who'd have thought?"

Rei felt heat in her cheeks. "I find the arrangement... agreeable..." she replied.

Shinji let out a nervous, quiet laugh. "Well... I guess we can catch up on One Piece, huh?" he returned softly, regarding her with a smile. "We'll get to see if they ever find the treasure."

Rei's smile grew as the memory of the last time they'd gotten a chance to watch that animated show about pirates and how enjoyable it had been. "They probably will never find it," she replied. "But I would enjoy watching it with you."

Shinji reached up and scratched at the back of his head. "Well, uh... good..." he returned softly, looking away from her.

"Let's get going," Misato stated softly. "I'm sure you're rather tired of hanging around this hospital wing."

Rei issued a polite nod in response. "Indeed," she replied. "Let's go."

Both Misato and Shinji turned to exit the lobby and she followed after them. She only got about three paces before Ritsuko spoke up. "Wait..." the faux blonde called to her.

Rei halted and turned around to face her to find her looking at her with a conflicted look on her face, one that she couldn't seem to place. "What?" she asked.

Ritsuko stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly. "Take care of yourself, okay?" she murmured softly, shakily.

Rei returned the embrace. No matter what, she would always be able to count on Ritsuko, always... "I will," she returned softly.

Ritsuko released her and took a step back, giving her an encouraging nod of the head as she did so. Rei responded in kind. Whatever ideas or emotions might have needed to be spoken between them, Rei was savvy enough to know that it was too complex to put into simple words...

"Alright then, lets go," Misato stated softly.

Rei fell in step beside Shinji as the Major led them out of the medical ward, leaving Ritsuko behind. The three of them continued in silence until they reached he parking garages at which point the three of them shimmied into Misato's car. Rei sat in the back seat while Misato and Shinji took up the front two seats. "Sorry it's cramped back there," Misato spoke up. "I suppose I should get a bigger car sooner or later."

"It's fine," Rei replied. "I don't mind."

The three of them drove to the lift which would take them back to the surface. The car locked into the lift and Rei found herself relaxing as the three of them began lifting toward the surface. After a few minutes they reached it and she could get a good look at her surroundings...

Where there once had stood a thriving city a desolate wasteland remained. There was nothing but charred remains of buildings, framed by a thick layer of snow encompassing everything. Deep down, she could understand that this was her fault, that this was her doing. Even so, this change of scenery, seeing this place covered in snow was rather... beautiful. "Wow..." she uttered softly.

"I know..." Shinji spoke up softly. "I'm not used to snow either..."

"Almost makes you forget there was a city here, huh?" Misato quipped softly.

Rei frowned, her wonderment immediately replaced with regret. Sure, this was the natural order of things but still... so many lives had been destroyed in the process of things being set right. So many lives had ended up destroyed because of her selfish actions and her inaction in the time preceding... "Yes..." Rei murmured softly. "Yes, it almost does..."

---

Ritsuko sat in her office, a cigarette between her lips, staring at her computer screen, unable to focus on the tasks she'd been assigned to complete. After seeing Rei off she doubted that she'd be able to get any more work done toward the peaceful uses of the S2 core. Sure, she understood that there was a possibility for turning the immense potential of that power source into some kind of power plant but she just couldn't focus on that right now. After seeing Rei off earlier in the day... her well being was all that was on her mind at present.

She hunched over in her computer chair and lit a cigarette, taking in a deep drag before shaking her head. Her actions were completely justified, letting Rei go to live with Misato, but at the same time she couldn't restrain the feeling of regret from stabbing into her bones. Watching Rei leave the medical ward had taken it's toll on her. Seeing her leave with Misato hurt. Part of her wished that she could have been the one to take her in, even though she knew that she wouldn't be able to care for her properly.

Who was she to desire such a thing? Who was she to want to be there for her? She'd only been there for Rei when it was convenient, when it had suited her, and she knew that. What did it matter if she was feeling guilty about not being there for Rei now? Of course now... now it was more complicated. Now they were family, both in sentiment and in blood, and knowing that made everything harder to come to terms with. She didn't want to turn into her mother. She didn't want Rei to end up neglected the way she'd been. Rei living with Misato was in fact the right choice... but it still hurt.

Perhaps... perhaps she could make an effort to balance her work better. Perhaps, if given another opportunity to take Rei in, she could actually make an effort to ensure that she'd be around for her. Perhaps if that were to happen she could put her insecurities surrounding her mother to rest for good...

"Dr. Akagi," a voice called out from the doorway.

Ritsuko turned around to find one Shiro Tokita standing at the door to her office. Her eyes narrowed. Great. Going from confronting one unpleasant situation to confronting another... "What are you doing here?" she huffed in annoyance, reaching back and snubbing her cigarette in the ashtray beside her keyboard.

"We're to be working together now," he responded, a cheerful smile on his lips. "I arrived with my team earlier in the day. I must admit, this facility is quite impressive."

Ritsuko's jaw tightened and she folded her arms across her chest as she stared him down. "You didn't answer my question," she bit back. "Why are you here in my office?"

Tokita's smile faded away and he bowed his head slightly. "I wish to apologize for my remarks at the gala some months ago," he stated quietly. "The world owes you and your research a debt it can never repay."

Her lips parted in surprise. That response was completely and totally unexpected. She'd gotten the impression that Tokita was a self serving, conceited prick. Never in a million years could she imagine a scenario where he would apologize. "Thanks, I guess," she responded, trying not to sound shocked.

"I mean it, but that's not the only reason I'm here," Tokita continued. "I've heard great things about the Magi system that NERV employs. I'd like a lesson on its functionality."

Of course he would want something. That was the real reason he was here, wasn't it? "Would you care to tell me why?" she responded coolly.

"That system is the most advanced computing device on the planet," Tokita replied. "If it's possible to use it to help with the mathematical legwork of the task we've been assigned, I think it's pertinent that I know its workings."

Smart. Perhaps the arrogant bastard was more clever than he appeared... "That's a very convincing reason," she returned. "However, it will have to wait. I'm quite busy presently."

Tokita smiled. "Perhaps I might be able to ease your workload," he replied. "Might I take a look at what you're working on?"

Ritsuko turned around in her swivel chair and faced her computer screen, looking over the rough designs she'd been drafting. If she was going to be forced to work with this man then eventually she'd have to share her work. Despite this, she doubted he'd ever be able to provide any help other than a potentially endless supply of funding. "I suppose," she grumbled after heaving a sigh. "Though not much progress has been made..."

Tokita crossed into the room and stood beside her, looking down at her screen, scratching his chin as he looked over the data displayed. "How exactly does the S2 create the levels of energy it does?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, not even I understand it," Ritsuko replied quietly. "However, removed from an Angel or Eva's biomass, it ceases to function."

"This complicates things..." Tokita muttered. "Traditional machines are far easier..."

That was something she very much agreed with. "Indeed..." she murmured in reply.

There was a pause before Tokita spoke again. "The Angel creatures... they took quite a series of unique and interesting forms..." he spoke out quietly.

Ritsuko looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. What was he getting at? "Is there somewhere you're going with this?" she asked.

Tokita folded his arms and continued staring at the screen with a contemplative expression. "I know next to nothing about bioengineering but it's still engineering. Considering the Angels, which from what little I understand also possessed S2 cores, could shape themselves in such unique ways, perhaps that is the key..."

Ritsuko's expectations, whatever they were for this man, were only getting further lowered. "I've already thought of that," she huffed in annoyance. "However, that still doesn't solve the problem of extracting electricity from a biological entity and transmitting it into the power grid."

Tokita scratched his chin, his eyes narrowing as he continued to stare at the computer screen. "Do the Evas have a true circulatory system?" he asked.

"Yes, they do," Ritsuko replied. "Do you have a suggestion?"

"It seems simple then," he stated quietly. "All we need to do is engineer an Eva's circulatory system and have it pump enough blood through a turbine that it will generate power."

This seemed like a fantastic idea in theory. Too bad she'd already mulled this possibility over and deemed the odds of it succeeding next to zero. "Impossible," she responded. "In order to generate enough pressure to become a viable power source the circulatory system would have to achieve pressures its simply not capable of sustaining. It would draw more power than it produces."

Tokita looked down at her with a tense expression. "That is presuming that the circulatory system of an Angel or an Eva is similar to a human's, only on a lager scale," he replied. "However, could it be possible to alter that to induce higher pressures or to couple multiple circulatory systems together?"

Ritsuko couldn't help but think he looked like a driven madman in that moment. Such a prying, ambitious assertion reminded her of her own drive in earlier days. It was somewhat unnerving... "I suppose that's possible, but we could risk over stressing the core, which could be catastrophic," she responded. "I don't want to pursue a design that could be perceived as unsafe."

"The same accusations have been made about nuclear reactors over the years and, unless there is some kind of sabotage at work, they are among the safest forms of power generation we have," Tokita countered, his eyes boring into hers. "The potential for catastrophic failure simply means designing better safeguards."

Ritsuko's eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. The way he said that seemed like he'd managed to figure out that someone had sabotaged the Jet Alone project, a turn of events she'd taken steps to make sure could never be proven. "Sabotage?" she asked. "Why are you mentioning sabotage?"

Tokita let out an airy laugh. "After analyzing the failure during the Jet Alone test, my team suspected that sabotage could have been a factor," he replied with a smirk. "We could never prove it, but, perhaps I was right to be suspicious..."

Ritsuko glared at him. There was no way she could dodge these accusations. If she did then that would only dig her a deeper hole. She almost respected this kind of verbal entrapment. The man was certainly smarter than he looked, she'd give him that. "Fine, I sabotaged your little wind up toy, happy?" she bit out in annoyance.

Tokita breathed a heavy sigh, hanging his head, though his smirk remained. "I suppose my suspicions were on point then," he muttered. "Though I think it may have been for the best. Jet Alone had no chance against the Angels, right? If my little wind up toy had ever gotten a chance then we might not be having this conversation at all."

Ritsuko's glare softened. It was quite an astute and humble examination of the situation. He was definitely a lot less stupid than he looked... "I suppose that's true," she replied quietly.

"Well then, let us let the past remain the past," Tokita spoke, standing tall and folding his hands behind his back. "I'll trust you with the design. Once you've got something, I'll do everything I can to make it work."

Such confidence. She certainly respected that. Perhaps there was more to him than the arrogant bureaucrat she assumed him to be. Ritsuko issued a smirk of her own. "Meet me on the command bridge at noon tomorrow," she stated firmly. "You'll be getting a crash course on Eva technology, the S2 organ, and the Magi systems."

Tokita issued a slight bow. "I look forward to it," he responded before turning on his heel and exiting the office.

---

The doors of the elevator opened and Shinji stepped out of it with Rei at his side and Misato leading the way to their apartment slightly ahead of them. The ride back here was best described as awkward. Neither he or Rei had made much conversation but Misato had been blathering on for half the ride about how they were running low on groceries and other menial things. Other than that, the ride was spent in near complete silence other than the hum of the car. Now that they were here things were even more awkward...

As he walked he stared down at his feet. He couldn't help but wonder how things would be going forward. So many questions were swimming around in circles in his mind, begging for answers. What sort of dynamic would he and Rei have now that they were under the same roof? Would her living with him make it easier or harder to tell her how he felt, how he really felt? Once Asuka left the hospital how would things change? Was he prepared for any of this? Was he prepared all the changes he knew were inevitable?

The sound of Misato keying the door to the apartment and it subsequently whizzing open shook him from his thoughts. He looked up and halted his step. "Here we are," his guardian said warmly, turning around to face them from where she stood a couple paced ahead. "Home sweet home."

Shinji stepped forward but noticed that Rei seemed hesitant, standing in place where she'd stopped beside him. He studied her expression, how her brow was furrowed and her eyes were cast down at her feet with a shallow frown. Clearly something was on her mind too. "Is something wrong, Rei?" he asked.

Rei shifted nervously on her feet. "This is... a big adjustment..." she murmured softly.

Before he could respond Misato piped up. "It was a big deal for Shinji too when he first came here," she stated warmly. "It's okay. This is you're home now. There's no need to be nervous."

Shinji smiled, remembering the first time he'd set foot in Misato's apartment so many months ago. It felt like a lifetime ago but the memory was so clear it was like it happened yesterday. Seeing Rei behaving like this reminded him of himself when he'd first arrived. Gently, he extended a hand to her. "Come on, we're home now," he spoke out softly.

Rei regarded him with that same nervous expression before reaching out and placing her hand in his. Shinji stepped forward and led her inside. Once there Rei's lips curved upward slightly. "I- I'm home..." she croaked out quietly.

Shinji's smile widened. "Welcome home," he replied warmly.

"You two are just the cutest," Misato spoke up in a teasing voice. "Don't tell me I'm gonna have to worry about you sneaking into Rei's new room in the middle of the night now Shinji..."

Those words caused his stomach to do a flip. Shinji let go of Rei's hand and whipped around to face his guardian, his cheeks full of flame. "We're not like that!" he protested.

"W- we're n- not like that..." Rei stammered softly half a second later.

Shinji glanced over at the ashen haired girl beside him, noting how even though she seemed flustered and embarrassed she seemed almost disappointed, her eyes staring away from both him and Misato. That look made him feel a bit guilty for how adamantly he'd issued that statement...

"Oh, come on, can't the two of you take a joke?" their guardian responded with a teasing laugh. "You know I'm just messing around with you two, right?"

Shinji breathed a sigh and hung his head. "I really wish you'd stop teasing me..." he huffed in annoyance.

Misato snickered. "You make it too easy, Shinji," she retorted.

Shinji took a deep breath and let it out. "Can we just move on, Misato-san?" he grumbled.

"Fine, fine," Misato responded with a pouting expression. "Lets just sit down and relax for a while until dinner. It's been a while since I've had an afternoon to just do that."

With that Misato turned and stepped down the hall into the kitchen. Shinji followed after her with Rei in tow. Misato grabbed herself a beer from the fridge and Shinji turned to face his new roommate. She stood by the table seemingly unsure of what do. He grinned at her. He knew just the thing to make her feel at home... "So, it's my night to cook dinner," he stated. "Is there anything you'd like to eat tonight?"

Rei's lips curved upward as she met his gaze. "Whatever you decide on making I'm sure I'll enjoy it," she replied. After that her smile took on a bit of a playful air and her eyes drifted over to where Misato had plopped herself down at the table. "I'm just glad it's your night to cook."

"Hey!" Misato protested. "My cooking isn't that bad! It's... improved."

Shinji burst into laughter. Perhaps things wouldn't actually be all that different than the way they were before...

---

Asuka stood in the hallway of the hospital wing outside her room after completing yet another damned ocular test that proved once again that, surprise, she was permanently fucking blind in her left eye. She seriously wished that the doctors would just stop with those and just get on to her psyche evaluation already. Even if she was certifiably depressed she wasn't suicidal anymore so why wouldn't they just assess her and let her go the hell home?

She breathed a sigh and rested her hand against the window overlooking the geofront. Whenever they did release her she wasn't going home anyway, or at least not to the home she remembered. She'd be sharing a room with Rei whenever that day came and she'd be forced to see her and Shinji being all cutesy with one another but what other choice did she have? Going back to Germany seemed even worse. Neither her father or her stepmother had so much as called since the world nearly ended. The cruelty of that inaction on their parts made her feel so very alone...

Then again, considering how she'd carried herself through the years, perhaps she deserved it. This was the result of all the years of pride and arrogance coming back to bite her. She'd spent so many years telling herself that she didn't need anyone and now she alone and lonely. Even her friends and Misato seemed to be keeping her at a distance... and that just fueled her feelings of self loathing and worthlessness.

The vision in her one good eye began to cloud up. She reached up and covered her face with her hands, trying her best to stop the tears from coming to no avail. Why did she keep spiraling in this horrible train of thought? Why was it so hard to just pick herself up and move on, to get better, to just be better? Why couldn't she just pick herself up and carry on the way she always had? Why did it just have to be so damned difficult? Why did everything she'd spent years trying to bury have to come pouring out now?

"I hate this..." she murmured to herself. "I hate this so much..."

---

Touji ambled through the halls of the medical ward one one of his afternoon walks. Though he would have preferred not to use his crutches he still wasn't strong enough to try using his new leg without them. Regardless of that, he was in a very good mood. His physical therapy sessions were getting easier and as of the previous day he knew his father and sister were doing well. Seeing them had definitely brightened his spirits. Seeing Sakura healthy and happy again... well, a leg was a small price to pay for that.

He paused as he turned the corner, entering that familiar stretch of hallway with big windows overlooking the geofront. Every time he found himself here he couldn't help but stop and admire the view. Despite the bomb craters, destroyed vehicles, and the ever increasing bustle of repair crews, it was still rather beautiful, though he had only one memory of this place before it had gotten destroyed. That was when he and Kensuke taken down here and dressed down by Katsuragi. Needless to say, taking in the sights was the last thing on his mind that day. He couldn't help but smile nostalgically at the memory though. So much had changed in the time since then, so, so much...

Shaking his head to try and push the rising unpleasant thoughts from his mind, he turned and began hobbling down the hall but stopped immediately, his attention captured by what he saw before him. It was Soryu, a few meters down the hall from him, her face in her hands, leaning her forehead up against the window. It looked like she was crying. Why? Why was she crying? It seemed so unlike her. The Soryu he knew would never do that. She was far too prideful so... what the hell was wrong with her? Wait... Shinji said she was close with the Angel kid Kaworu Nagisa... how close was she to him? No matter what it was, seeing a girl cry never sat right with him, and so he hobbled over to her. "Hey..." he spoke up once he was few paces away. "What's wrong?"

Soryu jolted in place and whipped around, her cheeks stained with tears, an angry scowl on her lips. "Fuck off..." she grumbled, folding her arms across her chest and turning her back to him. "Just... leave me alone..."

Touji stood firm. Normally he would have been insulted by her brashness but he could tell she was hurting. Even if she could be a colossal bitch at times he felt sympathy for her. "What's wrong?" he repeated a bit softer, a bit more tenderly.

She whirled around and faced him. "Where the hell do I start!?" she exploded at him, staring at him red in the face with an angry snarl even as tears continued spilling down her cheeks. "Maybe the fact that I built my whole fucking life around something that ended up being for nothing!? Maybe the fact that the one person I ever actually let myself be fucking open with turned out to be a fucking Angel!? Maybe the fact that I lost my fucking eye for my troubles!? Maybe because my mother is gone, my father doesn't love me, and I'm stuck in this goddamn shitty fucking hospital having to listen to the likes of you ask me what the fuck is wrong!?"

Touji's brow knit up and his lips curved downward in a deep frown. Normally he would have felt insulted but seeing someone who was normally so prideful and confident opening like this was rather shocking. "I'm sorry..." he uttered quietly, not knowing what else to say. "I'm sorry that happened to you..."

Soryu's angry expression softened and once more she turned away from him. "Don't apologize..." she muttered bitterly. "It's not like it changes anything anyway. Besides... it's not like I don't deserve to feel like this..."

This conversation was getting stranger and stranger. It was almost like she was a totally different person than the brash and cavalier Soryu he knew. "What the heck are you talking about?" he asked, utterly confused.

"You heard what I said," she responded with something halfway between a sigh and a growl. She paused for a moment before continuing. When she did her voice came out small, mournful even. "I deserve this... I deserve all of the shit that happened to me..."

Touji couldn't believe his ears. Was this really Soryu standing in front of him right now saying these things? He wasn't sure of what to say or what he could say but he had to say something. "Why are you saying all this?" he asked.

He watched as she brought her hands to her side, clenching her fists, her whole body trembling. "Because I pushed away everyone who ever cared about me because of my stupid pride..." Soryu whimpered. "Because if I wasn't such a selfish bitch then maybe none of this would have happened to me..."

Touji's lips curved down in a scowl. He couldn't stand to hear anyone, even Soryu, talking so self defeating and self deprecating. "Shut up," he stated flatly.

Soryu visibly flinched and turned around to face him yet again with a look of pure surprise. "Wh- what did you just say?" she stammered in shock.

Touji hobbled forward on his crutches, coming to stand less than a meter away from her. "I said shut up," he stated, staring at her intensely, studying the shock and pain written on her face. "Look, a lot of shit happened to you, but you can't just beat yourself up over it. Besides, seeing you like this is kinda weird..."

Her angry glare returned. "Easy for you to say," she spat back.

That comment pissed him off. He gestured to his prosthetic leg, nearly losing his balance on his crutches in the process. "Easy for me to say?" he snapped back. "You trying to say you think this is easy to deal with?"

Soryu's glare didn't abate. "You think this is easy to deal with either?" she hissed, pointing to her damaged and discolored left eye.

He had to admit she had a point. Touji breathed a sigh. Being confrontational wouldn't help him get his point across. "No... it's probably not," he replied quietly. "But seriously, I know you've been through a lot, we all have, but we gotta keep our heads up, y'know? Sure we've gotten knocked down but we gotta get back up."

Soryu bowed her head, her expression turning somber and her bangs obscuring her eyes. "Easy for you to say..." she replied just above a whisper. "You still have people who care about you... I don't..."

That statement piqued his interest and not in a good way. His brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?" he inquired, confused. "You've got Shinji, Ayanami, and Major Katsuragi, right?"

Soryu laughed bitterly. "Yeah... I suppose..." she muttered. "But... they're... distant now..."

Touji stood there silently for a moment, taking that statement in. He remembered what Shinji told him about how she'd attacked him after he'd killed the last Angel, Kaworu Nagisa, but he also knew that Shinji didn't hold it against her. "They don't have to be..." he stated softly.

She looked up at him with a mournful expression. "I tried to kill Shinji," she replied softly, her voice getting shaky, her eyes filling with tears. "I attacked Rei... how do I come back from that?"

The news she tried to assault Ayanami was a surprise but damn he hated seeing girls cry and so this would not stand... "I don't know about Ayanami but Shinji doesn't hold what happened against you," he stated softly, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder, risking falling off his crutches in order to do so. "The only one who's holding what happened against you is you..."

Soryu looked at him with an expression of surprise before bowing her head yet again. "Since when do you give good advice..." she muttered.

Touji smiled. "I have my moments," he replied.

Soryu shook her head. "Still... that's easier said than done..." she murmured in response as tears began streaming down her cheeks once again.

Touji couldn't stand seeing her like this anymore. He set one of his crutches against the wall and stepped forward, wrapping his arm around her. He wasn't sure why he felt that was the right course of action, it just seemed like it was. Even if they'd had their differences he sympathized with her plight. "I know..." he responded quietly.

"Let go of me..." Soryu whimpered into his shoulder.

He held her firm. "No..." he replied.

"Let. Go..." she hissed at him. Even though she was trying to sound threatening she made no attempt to push him away.

He could feel her trembling against him and he held her tighter. Besides... it wasn't often he had the chance to hug a cute girl. Damn, why was he thinking such things? It didn't matter. All that mattered was showing her she was acting stupid... "No..." he repeated softly.

She let out a shaky breath and after a moment she brought her arms up around him. "Goddammit..." she whimpered, digging her fingers into the back of his shirt and sobbing into his chest.

Touji held onto her until her sobbing stopped and she managed to compose herself. He wasn't sure exactly what to say or what he could say. The situation was awkward enough as it was. When Soryu pulled away from him she looked at him with a nervous expression. "Uh... thanks... thanks for letting me vent..." she murmured.

He could sense the bitterness in her voice. "No worries," he responded, forcing a small grin. "I get it. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone."

Her expression turned sour and she looked away from him. "Don't judge me... for any of this..." she responded quietly.

"I won't," he responded. "Besides, you're not the only one who's done stupid shit."

Soryu laughed wryly. "Like when you punched Shinji the first day you met him?"

That comment took him by surprise. "He told you about that?" he responded.

"He did," she responded quietly. "Granted, at least you didn't take a knife to him like I did."

Touji breathed a heavy sigh, emitting a wry laugh of his own. If it was a pissing match she wanted it was a pissing match she'd get "Well... at least you didn't have your crush hook up with your one time best friend," he quipped.

"No... they just turned out to be an Angel..." Soryu responded somberly.

His stomach dropped when she said that. He shouldn't have provoked that. If that was how she really felt about that guy then no wonder she was in such a messed up state of mind. "Ah..." he murmured, looking away from her. "Sorry..."

"It's okay..." Soryu responded quietly, turning and facing the window. "Like you said, I can't just beat myself up over it..."

Just like that, her moment of weakness was over. Her walls were back up. He breathed a sigh and shook his head. "Well, I'm gonna go back to my room," he stated softly, reaching out and grabbing the crutch he'd leaned against the wall. "Take it easy, Soryu. If you ever want to talk, I'll listen."

He got maybe two steps before she called out to him. "Asuka," she stated firmly. "You can call me Asuka."

The declaration was puzzling and caused him to halt in place. She was a foreigner and from what he understood people in the west usually addressed one another by their given names but... did that mean she was trying to say they were friends? Why did that stir... weird feelings? He turned his head and gave a respectful nod. "Alright then, see you later, Asuka," he replied.

"Bye..." she stated softly, continuing to stare out the window, her arms folded across her chest, as if their strange moment of connection had never happened.

Touji turned around and began hobbling his way down the hall once again, trying to wrap his head around the strange interaction he'd had with the redhead moments earlier. One thing was certain, she was definitely not the turbo bitch he'd always assumed her to be...

---

Rei sat beside Shinji in the living room of Misato's apartment, the television providing the only light in the room as the sun had set some time ago. She'd missed moments like this, these quiet moments where she could just be near the boy she loved. Even so, despite how much she usually enjoyed the show they were watching, her mind was elsewhere, reflecting on the events of earlier in the day.

Settling in was easy since she didn't have anything in terms of material possessions but it was still a bit strange to be staying in Asuka's room all things considered. Despite Misato saying it was okay to sleep in the redhead's bed while she was still enduring psychiatric hold it didn't feel right and so she insisted on using a futon on the floor just as she had the few times she'd slept over in previous days. Dinner was enjoyable, she'd taken a shower afterwards and changed into a set of Asuka's sleepwear which, again, was rather awkward, but overall the whole afternoon into evening felt much like the times she'd spent the night in past. It was surreal, the fact that this cozy little apartment was her home now was rather surreal. Deep down she supposed it was something she'd always wanted, to have this level of comfort and belonging beside people who she cared for and cared for her.

Despite those feelings of fulfillment there was still a lingering dread prodding at her from the back of her mind. Being this close to Shinji full time now was nerve wracking. The memory of his reaction to her confession still hurt and though he'd apologized and they were friends again she still wanted more. Still, she wasn't going to risk another confession. If he rejected her now it would be too painful, and on top of that, she still had yet to tell him about her knowledge of her original timeline. She knew that one day soon she'd have to tell him but she was terrified that he'd react in a way similar to the way he did when he'd figured out Nagisa was an Angel. It was certainly a difficult situation she found herself in despite how pleasant her living situation was now...

Suddenly she felt a squeeze on her hand and she tensed up, realizing Shinji was touching her. She turned to face him and found him looking at her with an expression of concern. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked. "You were staring off at nothing with a strange look on your face..."

Rei smiled and her heart skipping a beat. That attentiveness and concern he showed for her was something she cherished about him. That genuine humanity he'd always shown toward her was one of the things that made her fall in love with him in the first place but... she couldn't voice the concerns she had, not now. The fear prevented her from doing so. "It's nothing. I'm just... taking in everything, how surreal it is to be living here now," she replied, smiling back at him. It wasn't the full truth but it wasn't a total lie either. She hated lying to him...

His lips twitched up slightly and he looked back at the television. "I get it. It was a big change for me when I first came here too," he responded before letting out a little laugh. "Seeing you at the door earlier... it reminded me of me when I first arrived."

Something about that reassured her, the knowledge that he'd picked up on her apprehention. "Really?" she asked timidly.

"Yeah..." he replied.

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Thanks for understanding..." she returned warmly.

He glanced over her with a smile. "Anytime," he replied softly.

Her heart was all a flutter. The feeling of his hand in hers made her heart feel like it was about to explode. Rei gave his hand a gentle squeeze, shifting closer to him and resting her head against his shoulder. As soon as she could feel him tense up and she did the same in turn. Had she pushed things too far? She pulled away. What was a good excuse? "S- sorry. I'm just a bit tired," she stammered, turning away from him. Again, it wasn't a total lie...

"N- no, it's okay," he responded, with an unreadable look, his eyes fixed on the television. "It is getting a little late..."

That statement filled her with warmth and courage in equal measure. She leaned into him once again. Despite her determination not to give her feeling voice once again she couldn't resist leaning on him once more. Perhaps it was a bit selfish but she would take as much of him as he was willing to give for as long as he was willing to give it... "Thanks for understanding..." she murmured softly, closing her eyes. "It's really been a lovely evening..."

Silence fell between them and she could feel him relax against her. Rei allowed herself to grin, holding his hand tightly in hers. She really had missed these moments between the two of them. The only thing that could make this better was him doing something to let her know he felt for her the same way she felt for him but she'd take what she could get. Her eyes drifted shut and the fatigue she felt began to overtake her. Leaning against him was really, really comfortable...

Rei could hear the ending credits song of the show playing from the television speakers as Shinji spoke up once more. "Well, the straw hats are not any closer to finding the treasure," he stated quietly. "No surprise there, huh?"

She let go of his hand and nuzzled up against his shoulder. "No," she replied quietly. "It's not a surprise..."

"Do you think they ever will?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter," Rei replied softly, breathing in his scent as she nuzzled tighter up against him, finding it harder and harder to stay awake. Being so close to him was very relaxing... "It's the journey that matters..."

"Yeah..." Shinji replied softly. "I suppose you're right..."

A smile crept across her lips and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to enjoy this nearly perfect moment. There was nothing more that needed to be said. Soon enough she'd have to tell him everything, sooner or later she'd have to clarify where they really stood but right now all she could think about was the warmth of his hand in hers and the heaviness of her eyelids...

---

Shinji stared intently at the TV as the opening credits of another episode of One Piece began to play, intimately aware of Rei's head resting against his shoulder. He had to admit he was enjoying the closeness though he felt a bit guilty for that. The fact that she was willing to be this open and comfortable with him after how much of a colossal jerk he'd been... he knew he didn't deserve someone like her as a friend or more than a friend. The feeling of her hand in his... it made him want to spend the rest of his life making up for how badly he'd hurt her.

The last conversation he'd shared with Asuka filled his mind along with the anxieties he'd voiced to her about his situation with Rei. He hated to admit it but part of him agreed with what she'd said, that he was being a wuss about it. The more he thought about it he knew she was right. Even so... the fear of messing things up and ruining the special bond he had with Rei, possibly irreparably, was terrifying. However... she'd forgiven him for his mistakes and logically he couldn't see a situation where he'd ever be that angry with her ever again. He swore to himself that he'd never act that way again toward her no matter what. Perhaps... perhaps he should just be honest. Perhaps he should take that risk...

"Uh, hey, Rei," he spoke out quietly, turning his head slightly to look at her. "I uh, I just want to tell you..."

He trailed off when he saw that her eyes were closed and her expression was completely relaxed, her breathing coming in slow, steady, rhythmic breaths. She'd fallen asleep leaning against him and the sight brought a smile to his face. He reached up with his free hand and brushed her bangs away from her eyes. She was so beautiful...

Rei stirred against him before pulling away and opening her eyes slightly, looking thoroughly exhausted. "Huh?" she mumbled groggily, letting to of his hand and rubbing at her eyes. "Is something wrong, Shinji?"

Instantly all the fears he'd been battling surged to the surface. Had she heard him speaking? Had she actually been awake? "Ah, it's nothing," he replied nervously. "It's just... you're falling asleep."

Rei closed her eyes and gave a weak nod of her head. "Yeah..." she murmured softly, letting out a yawn as she stood up. "I should probably go to bed... Goodnight, Shinji..."

"Goodnight Rei..." he responded with a smile.

Shinji watched as she slowly drifted to towards her room stepped inside and slid the door shut behind her before flopping down on his back with a heavy sigh, staring up at the ceiling as his smile transformed into a frown. Deep down he knew it wasn't the right moment to confess but he still felt like a coward. He'd had a moment, psyched himself up for it, and he'd choked... when the right time came could he actually bring himself to actually go through with it?

The dilemma was a classic catch twenty-two. If he forced things then it could end badly. If he moved too fast then things would end badly. Still, he couldn't just do nothing. He had to make a decision soon, he knew that otherwise he might never find the strength...

He ran a hand over his face and let out a groan. "Why am I like this? Why does this have to be so hard?" he murmured aloud.

Perhaps he should talk to someone about this situation, to help him get his mind around it. As much as he appreciated her Misato would only tease him. Touji wasn't an option for much the same reason. Asuka already knew and would probably just scoff at him and tell him that he was just making mountains out of molehills. She was probably right but it sure didn't feel that way. No... he needed some outside advice. With that in mind, it hit him...

Perhaps another game of Shogi was in order...

---

Author's notes

First of all, I'd like to adress the comments for certain individuals suspecting that this story is dead. I assure you that it is not, if this update is anything to go off of. I stated a long time ago that this story will be finished no matter what and I'm a man who keeps his promises. Though I'll admit that my pace has slowed, I'm not like George R. R. Martin, so don't worry about going years without word or updates. With luck, sometime in the late summer or early fall this story will be completed.

As for the events of the chapter itself, I hope that the gradual journey to recovery that the characters find themselves in continues to be enjoyable. I must admit I've missed writing Touji. He might be a doofus at times but the kid's got a good heart. His interaction with Asuka this chapter was quite fun to write but also difficult to strike the right balance with. As for the Kaji and Fujita scene I hope it strikes the right degree of drama and humor. Unfortunatly Rei and Shinji continue their slow and steady tapdance around one another... but if the ending scenes are and indicator that is subject to change.

Originally I intended to end this chapter a bit differently, but I realized that the scene I was composing worked far better as a cold open to the next one. So just know I'm already hard at work on the next update.

Please read and review as always. Thank you all again for your support.

Regards,

A.F.