Two Days Later

Finn had flown back to Ohio yesterday for school so now it was just me and mom. We spent our days sitting at dad's bedside planning daddy's funeral and talking about everything we had missed out on in each other's lives over the years. I told her about all of my dance competitions and all the lessons my dad's had signed me up for. I told her about how I'd never learned piano but had always wanted to. She told me all about her run on Broadway. We had way too much time to kill waiting for dad to wake up. I was starting to fear he would never come out of his coma. He swore he wouldn't give up, but what if he had. How would I react if Finn died, would I give up too? Shelby tried to keep me distracted, but it was no use. My mind kept wandering off to that same horrible thought. Thankfully Shelby and Beth had both finally recovered from their cases of the stomach flu. Shelby had been pretty sick until about noon yesterday when she had woken up from her morning nap. I was so glad she was finally feeling like herself again. I absolutely hated seeing her sick. Both of us were starting to run out of clean clothes so we were planning to go shopping that afternoon if nothing changed with dad's condition. We were about to leave when Dr. Arwell came in to talk to us.

"How is he?" I asked. Dr. Arwell shook his head.

"I have some bad news." He began. I felt my heart skip a beat. "Leroy's kidneys are starting to shut down and there is very little brain activity. I'm so sorry, but he's not going to wake up." Dr. Arwell finished. I felt the air leave my lungs. I was going to be fatherless, I promised dad I'd go live with Shelby in New York if he died, and now that idea was becoming a reality. Everything was going to change drastically. The two men who had cared for me and shown me what love was all about were gone. No more birthdays no more Holidays no more Sunday afternoons. All of it was gone, and I would never get it back. I couldn't breathe. I was having a full blown panic attack.

"Rachel?" Mom's voice called through my haze of thoughts. I was gasping for air at this point. I clutched my chest and started coughing.

"She's having a panic attack." Dr. Arwell yelled and pushed the call button on the wall. My vision was going blurry around the edges and I was dizzier than I had ever been before. My knees buckled as my body fought for oxygen and I collapsed. Just before I would have hit my head on the tile floor Shelby caught me.

"Rachel, baby stay with me." Mom pleaded. I tried to find air, but I couldn't. My chest heaved up and down but I was taking in any oxygen. My vision went black and I passed out completely. When I came to I was lying in a hospital bed of my own. They had me on an oxygen nasal cannula. It was irritatingly itchy and I reached up to pull it out.

"I would leave that in." Dr. Arwell told me. I jumped and brought my hand back down to rest by my side. I hadn't seen him standing in the corner writing on his clipboard. Shelby wasn't in the room, which surprised me.

"Why?" I asked. I swore I was fine now, I was breathing normally.

"Your oxygen level are still very low. You had a massive anxiety attack. You'll be fine, you just need to be on oxygen for a few hours." He explained. I sighed but nodded. At least I didn't have an IV. I hated those things.

"Where is my mom?" I asked.

"She's filling out some paper work." He answered. I nodded slowly. I could only imagine what kind of forms. Perhaps dad's death certificate? Dad's papers to take him off life-support? My adoption papers since I was still only seventeen? The possibilities were endless, and all of them were horrible.

"When am I supposed to pull my dad's plug?" I asked bravely. Dr. Arwell smiled sadly.

"Don't worry about that right now. We'll revisit the conversation when you get discharged." Dr. Arwell answered. In a way it felt like he was dodging the question to avoid sending me into another attack. I figured I was probably spot on in that theory. Shelby came into my room. She smiled widely when she saw that I was awake and sitting up in bed. "I'll be back to check on you later." Dr. Arwell told me and slipped respectfully out of my room. Mom dropped her purse by a chair and came to give me a hug. I accepted the hug and held on tightly for a long time.

"You scared me so much. Don't you ever do that again. I don't want to lose you." Mom told me, her voice caught like she was going to start crying.

"I won't." I promised. "But please don't ever leave me again." I begged. Mom nodded.

"Never ever, I can't believe I ever agreed to give you away. I missed so much, I am so sorry for that." Shelby told me. I smiled.

"That's okay mom. I'm glad I had them for dads. I only wish you could have been there too." I told her. Shelby nodded and pulled out of the hug.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asked looking me over. I nodded slowly.

"I feel fine, but apparently I have to stay on oxygen for a few hours." I told her. Shelby smiled and nodded.

"That's good." She said pleased. I smiled slightly.

"When should I let him go?" I asked and tried my best to keep the water from welling up in my eyes. Mom frowned and shook her head.

"I don't know, part of me feels like we shouldn't give up on him so soon. On the other hand, I feel like we shouldn't have him suffer anymore. He's in pain beneath all the sedatives. In the end it all comes down to how you want to handle this." Shelby told me. I nodded slowly.

"If he's in pain I want to do it as soon as I'm discharged. I know how badly he just wants to be with daddy." I choked out and finally gave in to the tears. Shelby pulled me into a hug.

"Whatever you want to do baby." She told me. I nodded. I was so thankful for her support at this horrible time in my life. At five that afternoon the two of us were standing at dad's bedside listening to Dr. Arwell explain what was going to happen when he shut off the machine and removed dad's breathing tube. I was gripping Shelby's hand tightly with my right hand and comfortingly holding dad's hand with my left. Shelby kept running her finger along my thumb, and the action comforted me immensely.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Dr. Arwell asked. I nodded slowly. Dr. Arwell smiled sadly and flicked the machine off. He gently removed the tube from dad's mouth and disposed of the tube in the medical waste bin. "It could be minutes, or it could be hours." He informed us. I nodded. "I'll give you some time alone." He whispered and then slipped respectfully out of the room.

"I love you so much dad." I told Leroy and leaned down to kiss him gently on the forehead. Then I turned into Shelby's open arms and buried my face in her shoulder. She held me tightly for what felt like forever before I heard dad's heart monitor flat line. Tears instantly sprung to my eyes and poured down my cheeks like rain. "No!" I screamed into Shelby's shirt. My shoulders shook violently as my whole body racked with sobs. Shelby held on tightly and whispered how much she loved me in my ear. Dr. Arwell cleared his throat.

"Time of death, five fifty seven pm." He announced. I left the hospital around nine that night in a haze. I felt empty as we began the half hour trek over to the hotel. Shelby climbed in bed with me and held me until I cried myself to sleep.

Don't hate me too much for this chapter guys. I'm sorry, but I promise that this story will get better. Every story has its angst. It's not going to be an easy trek for Rachel and Shelby from here on out. However, I promise all of you guys this, the story is going to get happier from now on. Please just give me a chance. Drop a review and let me know your thoughts on this chapter and the story in general. Much love, Jane.