February 10th loomed over me like a dark cloud threatening to not just rain, but downpour on my parade. I had a doctor's appointment today to see how my foot was healing and to get an updated timeline of when I might be able to ditch the walking boot and start at least practicing a few steps of choreography with the Glee Club. I should have been excited for the appointment, but I had this sinking feeling in my gut that it wasn't going to go my way. What I hadn't been telling everyone was that my foot had been hurting a lot the past few days. Of course I wasn't going to let it show even a little bit, not even at physical therapy. I just kept pushing through and acting like nothing was wrong. I wanted to prove that I was strong and could overcome anything. Like Shelby had said, I was extremely determined. I wished I could heal my foot out of sheer willpower, if I could have then I would have healed in days. I swung the door of my locker closed and took a deep breath before stuffing my books into my backpack and pulling it on to my shoulder. I squared my shoulders and walked toward Shelby's office. I knocked gently on the doorframe and waited for Shelby to look up. She swiveled her chair around to face the door and smiled when she saw that it was me.
"Hey baby. Come have a seat. I'll be ready in just a second." She said and gestured to the empty chair on the other side of the desk. I nodded and plopped down in the chair. I sat my backpack down on the floor and leaned back into the chair. Even after a day of sitting in desks and not being on my feet much, my foot still throbbed. I knew that wasn't a good sign. I kept the pain off my face so Shelby wouldn't worry. She smiled at me and went back to grading her student evaluations. Shelby was now the official choir director at McKinley High as well as still being the assistant director for Glee Club. I could tell that she loved being a choir director, and she was proving to be very good at it. "How were your first five classes?" Shelby asked, not looking up from her papers.
"They were okay. We had a pop quiz in Chemistry." I answered. Shelby nodded.
"How do you think you did?" She asked.
"Not perfect, but definitely an A." I said. It wasn't a lie, I felt more than confident about the quiz. When everyone else had groaned when Mr. Overholt announced the quiz, I squared my shoulders. I did my best to always be ready for a pop quiz in every subject. Shelby smiled.
"That's good." She said. She wrote a final mark on an evaluation and then sat her pen down on the desk. She pushed all of the papers on her desk into a neat stack and stood up to file them in her filing cabinet. When she was done she turned back to me. "Ready to go Rach?" She asked. I nodded and stood up.
"Can I leave my backpack in your office?" I asked. Shelby nodded.
"Of Course. Put it on the other side of my desk though so no one can see that it's in here." She said. I nodded and walked around behind her desk. I sat my backpack down in front of her desk chair and then walked back around to the front. "Ready?" She asked again and picked up her purse. I nodded.
"Ready." I answered. Shelby smiled and gestured for me to go first. We made our way down the hallway at a normal pace, while weaving through a steady stream of students heading to their sixth period classes. When we arrived at the doctor's office fifteen minutes later mom checked me in while I sat and waited in one of the waiting room chairs. A few minutes later mom came and sat down in the chair next to me.
"Are you okay? You seem really nervous." She asked. I nodded.
"I'm fine." I answered. Shelby eyed me suspiciously and I knew she didn't buy it. The truth was that I was extremely nervous. Shelby hummed a short section of "Under Pressure" and I rolled my eyes. Shelby grinned and kept right on humming. "Okay fine, I'm nervous." I admitted before Shelby could start repeating the song. Shelby smiled and took my hand.
"It's okay to be nervous Rach, but I'm sure it will be fine." Shelby assured me. I nodded and squeezed her hand.
"Rachel Berry?" A nurse called. Shelby squeezed my hand and I glanced at her before I stood up and followed the nurse back to an exam room. She ran through a couple of general questions and then left the room, closing the door behind her. I sat in silence for a minute, staring at the white walls and poster charts of the skeletal system. I sat on the edge of the exam bed and let my feet dangle over the edge. I leaned back on my hands and closed my eyes.
"I walked across the crowded street. A sea of eyes, they cut through me. And I saw you in the middle; your upset face, you wear it well. You camouflage the way you feel, when everything's the matter." I sang quietly to myself. Singing was the only way I knew to calm my nerves right now. I swung my uninjured foot back and forth nervously as I sang. "We've all been down that road before, searching for that something more. World's spinning round' there's no sign of slowing down. So won't you take a breath, just take a breath. People change and promises are broken. Clouds can move and skies will be wide open. Don't forget to take a breath." I stopped singing and looked down at my hands. Even if today was a setback, I would overcome it. I had plenty of time left before Regionals and even if not, I would be ready by Nationals. Someone knocked gently on the door before easing it open. Dr. Waldorf came into the room and sat down on the rolling stool near my feet.
"Good afternoon, Miss Berry how is your foot feeling?" He asked.
"It's okay. It's been hurting a little more than usual the past week though." I answered honestly. Keeping a brave face around your family and friends was one thing, but I knew better than to lie to a doctor. My x-rays would reveal the truth anyways, so it was better to be upfront. Just because I wanted to get back to dancing with the Glee club as soon as possible didn't mean I was going to cut corners and rush things. I didn't want to risk permanent damage, especially not when Broadway was still my dream. Dr. Waldorf nodded and made a note on his clipboard.
"Well, we will definitely check that out thoroughly." He said. He stood up from his stool and walked over to the sink in the room. He washed his hands, and then came back to sit down on the stool. "I'm going to remove the walking boot and examine it, okay?" He asked. I nodded. He smiled and gently undid the straps that held the boot on. He slid a tray out of the bottom of the exam bed that would allow me to rest my foot on it without dangling while he examined it. Then he carefully slid the boot off and sat it down on the ground beside him. "I apologize if my hands are cold." He added. I shrugged.
"I'll forgive you." I joked. He smiled up at me before turning his attention back to my foot. I forced myself to look at it, and I felt a little sick at the sight of it. It was bruised and my surgical scars still looked an angry red and were puckered. It didn't appear to be swollen much if it all though, and I took that as a good sign. Dr. Waldorf was a younger man as far as doctors go, in his mid-thirties, and I liked how he took the time to explain everything thoroughly.
"I'm going to gently palpate your ankle and foot and see if I can feel anything that seems out of place or worse than it should be for this stage in your recovery. I'll also test your range of motion to see how that's progressing. I get reports from your Physical Therapist, but I also like to test it for myself. Then we'll finish up with some new x-rays and then talk over your progress. Does that sound okay?" He asked. I nodded. Dr. Waldorf nodded and started his exam. Thankfully his hands weren't too cold as he gently examined my foot and ankle. It still hurt though, no matter how hard he tried to be gentle. Once he was done poking around and cupped his left hand underneath my heel and his right hand underneath the arch of my foot. Then he slowly pushed my ankle back and forth using his right hand. I winced and bit my lip so hard it started to bleed. My hand gripped the white crinkly paper I was sitting on tightly.
"Oh my God." I breathed through gritted teeth. Dr. Waldorf smiled sympathetically and stopped flexing my ankle.
"I'm sorry." He apologized. "Do you need a minute before we continue?" He asked. I shook my head.
"No it's okay, I want to get it over with." I answered. Dr. Waldorf nodded and went back to testing my range of motion and flexibility. When he was finished, he gently set my foot down on the tray.
"I'm going to go grab you an ice pack and schedule the x-ray. I will be right back." He said and slipped out of the room. Once the door clicked shut behind him, I let a stray tear slip down my cheek before forcing myself to pull it together. This wasn't going to defeat me. Dr. Waldorf returned a few minutes later with a large ice pack. He helped me slide back on the exam table so that my feet were both on the table. Then he wrapped my injured ankle and foot in the ice pack. "The x-ray tech will come get you in just a minute so we can get some updated scans." He said. I nodded and he slipped back out of the room. My phone vibrated and I fished it out of my pocket, careful not to cause the ice pack to slide. Finn had texted me to see how the appointment was going. I sent him a quick thumbs up emoji and then added that I would text him when it was over. I didn't want to worry him until I had all of the information.
An hour later I was sitting in the passenger seat of Shelby's car trying not to let my emotions get the better of me as we drove back to McKinley for my last class and Glee Club. I had been right; February 10th had decided to downpour on my parade. The appointment had ended with Shelby scheduling another surgery and I was trying not to let devastation cripple me. With this surgery my recovery would be set back two weeks at least. Regionals would be basically out of the question unless the Glee Club wanted to dance around me while I sang a song. I sighed and stared at the window and tried to keep the tears in check.
"Got the news today, doctor said I had to stay, a little bit longer and I'll be fine. When I thought it'd all been done, when I thought it'd all been said. A little bit longer and I'll be fine." I sang quietly toward the car window. "But you don't know what you got til it's gone, and you don't know what it's like to feel so low. And every time you smile, you laugh, you glow; you don't even know, know, know. You don't even know." I continued. There was no hiding it now, I was full on crying. I could feel Shelby's eyes watching me with concern.
"All this time goes by, and still no reason why. A little bit longer and I'll be fine. Waiting on a cure, but none of them are sure. A little bit longer and I'll be fine." Shelby sang the second verse quietly while tears streaked down my face.
"But you don't know what you got till it's gone, and you don't know what it's like to feel so low. And every time you smile, you laugh, you glow. You don't even know, know, know. You don't even know, know, know. You don't even know, know, know." I joined Shelby again on the chorus. I turned my head to look at Shelby. She was staring straight at the road and a few tears glistened on her cheeks.
"So I'll wait till kingdom come. All the highs and lows are gone; a little bit longer and I'll be fine.I'll be, fine." Shelby finished the song and grabbed my hand. She squeezed it gently and glanced over at me. "We're going to get you through this, I promise." She told me. I nodded and took a deep breath.
Wow, it's been a while. I'm so excited to come back to this story and I can't believe that chapter was as long as it was. Please leave a review and let me know what you think of the chapter. I'm always open to hear constructive criticism! Thanks, Jane Torres-Cooper.
Songs Featured in Chapter
"Take a Breath" and "A Little Bit Longer" by the Jonas Brothers