Shantae: The Eternal Spirit Chronicles

by IllusoryNomad

Following Shantae's latest crusade against the forces of evil, a new Relic is revealed that has the power to LITERALLY change (or even DESTROY) the lives of all who come into contact with it! Added to the emergence of a rogue, vengeful half-genie, as well as the unwelcome return of a certain marauding Pirate Queen, the Half-Genie Hero and company must spring into action once again!

30. Fatal Formality

Chapter 11: Fatal Formality

Howdy! Another day, another exciting kettle of tea to spill… and believe me, there is PLENTY of tea to spill this time around. So last we left off, the wondrous and astounding Shantae and her remarkably powerful partner in both love and crimefighting Tayshan had embarked on a last-minute trip to the Lucky Laces Lagoon. And if you were there to witness it, you'd be aware that that trip was ANYTHING but smooth. One destroyed aircraft, two burnt magic carpets, one dead 3,000-year-old 'immortal' super king, billions of gems' worth of collateral damage, dozens of injured monster girls, a trio of injured monster guys, a premeditated kidnapping and brainwashing of a certain wraith orchestrated by a certain Pirate Queen, a duel to the death between two lovers under duress, one nearly corrupted half-genie, the tragic loss of said wraith's left hand, and a sudden case of influenza for said half-genie later… Shantae and Tayshan found themselves entirely wiped out from the experience, as you might have guessed. Quite a mouthful for a concise summary, I know, but bear with me.

Ya see, the next day was supposed to be the big day the Crackling Crystal Castle was set to appear. And at this point, all three sides of the Spirit Fuser scavenger hunt were well aware and were all gunning for the fourth piece of it hidden within the Crackling Crystal Castle's crystalline confines. But with Shantae and Tayshan out for the count, it left team S.L.A.P.S. (Sequin Land Anti-Pirate Squad) hurting for volunteers to take their place. We'll get into THAT fiasco a bit later. Were things so simple, however, that would be where their problems ended. Why? Because at basically the crack of dawn, a certain rogue strawberry blonde-haired half-genie arrived at the site of the fourth ancient temple in desperate hopes of getting the drop on everyone else. On that note, let's go on ahead and take a closer look, shall we?

On the Archipelago of the Crackling Crystal Castle…

"Hah… Took a hot minute to get here, but it sure does feel good knowing I can claim this fragment without any distractions…" murmured the one, the only, the recently single Hashanah as she took a moment to stretch out the kinks in her body and take in the sight of the absolutely GIGANTIC palace in front of her. I'm serious, too, because this place was a MARVEL to look at. It was like it was crafted from the finest diamonds in the world. Crystalline mile-high spires… Thick, sharply angled walls that glittered and sparkled in the early morning sunlight… Windows and doors alike that appeared larger and wider than entire houses in Scuttle Town by comparison… and just the way the prismatic floating bubbles and oddly colored seawater around the Crackling Crystal Castle made these soothing popping noises like the entire thing was made of rock candy… Oh, it just makes me wanna-!

"Are you done drooling over this gigantic eyesore yet?" Hashanah cut me off to irritably ask, apparently noticing my presence.

Er… W-well, I was just trying to set the tone and y'know… get some visualization going for-!

"All I hear you doing is babbling on about how much you want to eat a giant castle you think is made of soda and candy," she cut me off again to rudely remark. Why, I never… "Spoiler alert: It'd probably kill ya if you tried it. If you're gonna hang around me on a regular basis, then the least you could do is not be such an insufferable imbecile the entire time and stick to talking about what's relevant."

Well, that's hurtful. I'm only trying to do my job…

"By describing EVERYTHING you see as though it's the most spectacular thing since sliced bread? You're gonna bore me to sleep doing that, and I have neither the patience nor the time for it. What were you gonna do next? Gush over what I'm wearing?"

Ah, n-no! Or… well… I was gonna give a hint or two, at least…

"Oh-ho, of course you were. Idiot…" Hashanah insulted me further through her derisive laughter as she crossed her arms and condescendingly shook her head. Jeez… "Oh, and if it's worth scratching your itch, then I'm wearing a form-fitting white spandex suit that hugs ALL my bodacious curves. Sleeveless. And it has orange stripes going down the sides of it. I've got on these nifty bright orange sneakers, too. Great for mobility and alongside the orange in my jumpsuit and my eyes, they really bring out the reddish tint in my hair that I have neatly styled into a messy bun with bangs on either side of my forehead while my golden tiara keeps my hair out of my gorgeous face. I'm as dangerous as I am sexy. Wouldn't you agree?" she vainly requested my opinion after giving an entirely unnecessary description. She even went the extra mile of striking an alluring pose of jutting out a hip, crossing her hands behind the back of her head, and shooting me a smiling wink to drive her point home.

…Um… C-can we just get on with your adventure now? I'm not sure our vibes are meshing if I'm gonna be totally honest. You look fine, by the way.

"Hm. Suit yourself, nerd," she dismissed with a shrug and sigh as she turned her attention toward the castle and readied herself to enter it. "Now, it's time to get down to business…!" And just like that, we were in for a more than likely VERY uncomfortable ride…

"THAT FRAGMENT IS MINE!" Hashanah announced as she took off sprinting up the massive, glittering, glassy staircase leading up to its gargantuan doors. It took the ambitious genie a solid couple of minutes to sprint her way up to the top of the stairs, but her tenacity remained intact as she reached the entrance. There, she was met with her first obstacle. "Hmm…" she hummed as she closely examined the cryptic message etched across the doors. "'If it's treasure one seeks, you will find little of it here. If it's power one seeks, then you need not fear. To lay claim to the secret of the Crackling Crystal Castle, one must endure the ultimate hassle. For most, this condition is considered most tragic, but you must complete the castle's entire challenge… without using magic…" she read, growing quite deflated as she read the last part. "…R-right… Shoot. Welp, it's too late to turn back now… I just wish I'd have brought at least a scimitar or something." With that lamentation, however, she sighed and pressed her hand onto the door… which, with a rumbling, thundering *FWABROOBROORBROOOOVH*, caused both of them to open wide.

Wasting no time, the spandex-adorned young woman walked in and scouted her surrounding with just her eyes. As soon as she was all the way in, however, the castle's doors slammed shut with a voluminous *WHABROOOWM*, startling Hashanah as she found herself trapped inside with her only option of escape being in her completing the supposed Crackling Crystal Castle Challenge. After taking a moment to collect herself, she peered around to see herself greeted with a magnificent crystalline foyer that housed a total of five rooms. Two rooms were on the first floor, with each of their doors on either side of the adventuring half-genie. Farther up ahead were twin staircases that gleamed and gloriously sparkled like stars in the sky. They were equally enormous, stretching and steeply curving to reach a railing-guarded second floor that housed an additional pair of doors with locks on them. Stretching beyond that was-!

"A fifth door at the top of another staircase in between the two second floor doors…" Hashanah interrupted me to observe for herself. "If my notes are correct, then the idea is to complete the challenges behind these four doors to unlock the path leading to this shrine's guardian… the Countess of Purity, Fatimah. With any luck, she won't be as difficult to take down as Atem was…" she further pondered before glancing at each of the first two doors before deciding… "I'll pick the left one," she locked in, practically sprinting her way across the enormous foyer toward her door of choice. And as though it read her mind, the door swung wide open with a glittering *FWALISHLING* for her to enter. And after Hashanah raced inside, the door slammed itself shut with an impactful *KASHPLAAM* and locked itself. From there, it was on. Hashanah's hunt for the fourth Spirit Fuser Fragment had begun.

Oh, but just in case you thought she'd be hunting for this fragment all by herself as early as she was… I have… a bit of a surprise for you.

Right after the not-so-honorable half-genie entered the first room…

…the main pair of doors opened wide once again with another *FWABROOBROORBROOOOVH*. And who would you think stepped through and entered the extravagant main lobby of the Crackling Crystal Castle?

"Hmph. So, this is the location of the next Spirit Fuser piece? Looks even GAUDIER than I'd imagined," griped the one, the only, the irrevocably evil Pirate Queen herself, Risky Boots as she examined her surroundings to be utterly disgusted by everything she laid eyes on. She was decked out in her usual pirate attire this time around, though she notably came without the company of any of her Tinkerbats. "Looks like I'll need to conquer each of these rooms without using any form of magic to make my way to the guardian. Simple enough," she nonchalantly observed with an uncaring shrug before whipping out her scimitar. She additionally looked at the rooms to see that all but one door was locked. Rather than question anything about it, however… "I'll begin with this door right here. I just hope that whatever's on the other side is prepared to taste cold, hard steel in a heartbeat…!" she remarked with a most sinister grin that sent chills up my spine as she confidently sauntered her way over to the door. And as though the door was deathly afraid of her, it slowly creaked open… only for the Pirate Queen to kick it open with a *KATHRAKALKALISHHHK* that, as you might imagine, COMPLETELY SHATTERED IT INTO A MILLION PIECES. Not caring in the slightest for her unwarranted vandalism, Risky charged right on in, ready to utterly annihilate anything in her path. We'll… come back to her later, but uh… Yyyyeah, this castle was in GRAVE danger, to say the least. Aaaaanywaaaay…

Rejoining Hashanah…

"Okay… What do we have here?" the former Guardian Genie murmured to herself after racing down a deceptively long corridor to find herself in a gigantic, empty crystalline room with a single window on one of its walls. Additionally, there was a single table at the center of the room with a treasure chest resting on top of it, and a fireplace at the far end. "…This is it? What the heck…?" Hashanah incredulously remarked, warily searching around as she approached the table in hopes of opening the treasure chest unimpeded. And that certainly would've been the case before…

"NOT SO FAST, INTRUDER!" a loud, grumbling, booming voice hollered out. Startled, Hashanah jumped backward while nearly summoning a current of Dark Magic into her hand before remembering the stipulation of her entry into the Crackling Crystal Castle. Meanwhile, the voice's owner came smashing through the window with an extremely noisy *PRAKLAKLARKLASHK* that sent crystal shards scattering all over the floor. And with an additional *PLOOMPH* of his talon-adorned forelegs and the furry paws of his hind legs on the floor, the mysterious being made his sudden entrance a spectacular one as he moved to stand directly in Hashanah's way. "Ah, a half-genie? This will be most intriguing!" the being excitedly remarked as he flared his magnificent eagle wings, causing the half-genie in question to eye him up and down.

"A griffin? Never thought I'd live to see one of these things face-to-face, but I guess there's a first for everything…" she acknowledged as she entered a battle pose and prepared to fight without magic. Nevertheless, she carefully took in the sight of this griffin's eagle-esque upper half and lion-like lower half as she took a deep breath to settle her nerves.

"Hmm…" the lion/eagle hybrid hummed as he sniffed the air around him for a second. And once that second passed… "I smell FEAR…!" he taunted to Hashanah's chagrin as he laughed. "Are you perhaps lost, little girl? Did you not mean to stumble on in here by yourself? Where are your mommy and daddy?" This brazen assault on the rogue genie's character was… in no shorter words, not taken lightly.

"Mock ME, will you…!? In that case, you'll die before we even exchange PLEASANTRIES!" Hashanah roared in a sudden burst of anger as she picked up a glass shard and flung it at him with a whistling *Fwiiiiirsh* that made it apparent that there was NO mercy behind it. Rather than panic, however…

"TSHYAAAH!" the griffin shouted, whirling around to swat the glass shard out of the way with a *KASHTRAK* of his tail against the projectile. Soon afterward, he turned around to face his enemy. "Hah! Did you seriously think such a tawdry trick would wo-!?" he was about to gloat again before the genie took the opportunity to pick up another shard and race up on him and get a head start of her impending battle against him. The chimera would not be so easily taken by surprise, however.

"WHA-!" Hashanah was about to question after missing a *SCHWISH* of a jumping swipe with the improvised weapon. She would soon be made to eat her mistake with a following *KRASCHLAP* of the beast's mighty tail against her face. She went soaring across the room and slammed with a crunchy *PLARSCK* of her body against the wall before falling to the floor. And judging by the gigantic spider web-like crack she left in the wall behind her, she hit it HARD.

"HAH! Such a fool…" the griffin spat with a most certain vitriol in his tone. "You should know that coming here means CERTAIN DEATH for those who harbor any ill intent. And…" he trailed off as he sniffed the air and grimaced in disgust. "…Good golly, do you REEK of it!"

"Grrgh…! Why, you…!" Hashanah growled as she picked herself up and wiped a droplet of blood from the side of her mouth.

"Aw, did that hurt?" the yet-to-be-named griffin mockingly asked before cackling it up at her expense. "It's only a wonder how you plan to fare against me without your magic backing you up. You genies never WERE very strong without your overreliance on parlor tricks and cowardly shows of outright deception…"

"WATCH IT!" Hashanah roared her demand, gripping the glass shard in her hand as she hatefully glared at her opponent. "You wouldn't even be WORTHY to be felled by the magic of a genie! I'll kill you with my bare hands!"

"Hmph. You may certainly try, but I can tell your power level isn't high enough for you to succeed without magic," he asserted with hardly a care for Hashanah's reaction to his words.

"Oh, ya think so?" the genie asked, though she bore a frighteningly sinister grin as she prepared to strike once again. "You're awfully cocky for a filthy animal fighting a genie who has a handicap…! Maybe I'll put you in your place and show you just how powerful genies are before I SKIN YOU ALIVE…!"

"Ooohoohoo, I'm SHIVERING over here…" the griffin remarked with a yawn as he nonchalantly stretched in a similar fashion that a cat would before readying himself for battle. "Do your worst, in that case. Just know that you'll make for a fine little morning meal after I'm done tearing you to ribbons…!" he further threatened as the long, onyx-colored, razor-sharp talons on his feet flared out with a *SCHKRISH* that absolutely made us aware of his intentions. "Rashid the Ravager WELCOMES your challenge, genie! Step forth and FIGHT!"

"Gladly! TAAAH!" Hashanah accepted as she dashed ahead without warning, her shoes clacking against the glassy floor of the castle room as she prepared for the big game hunt of a lifetime.

"The straightforward approach? The FASTEST way to your grave, genie!" Rashid gloated as he took in a deep breath and let out a mighty *GROOOOAAAOOOAAAAAAR* of a lion's roar loud enough to rattle the entire arena as shockwaves emitted from his beak. Hashanah was initially caught off-guard, halting her approach to cover her ears as she winced in pain. While she appeared incapacitated, however, she kept one eye open and focused on her enemy.

"Now, PERISH!" Rashid announced as he halted his roar in time to lunge forth with claws raised and ready to carve the genie up. Yet, at the moment where he'd seemed guaranteed to land his strike…

"EYES ON THE PRIZE, YA FREAK OF NATURE!" Hashanah yelled as she spun around the claw swipe and flung the glass shard with all her might… and managed to plunge the jagged fragment into Rashid's eye with a ghastly *SKIRRSCH* that had my stomach turning for days…

"GRAAAOOOWWWAAAAAAAARRGH!" the unfortunate chimera screamed in agony as he took a few stumbling, room-rumbling steps back while clawing at his incapacitated eye. Hashanah wasn't done yet, however…

"Now, have a taste of REAL, RAW genie power!" the underhanded half-genie triumphantly hollered out as she dashed forth and delivered a devastating *KATHRACK* of a punt to her enemy's chin while he was busy picking glass out of his eye. Her strength without her magic was beyond astonishing, to say the least, as she actually kicked the gigantic beast hard enough to LAUNCH HIM INTO THE AIR! But she wasn't quite finished yet. As Rashid was ascending under the power of her kick, Hashanah ran ahead and grabbed another, bigger glass shard before leaping high into the air to pursue her enemy. And with another *SKRISCH*, she stabbed the griffin at the base of one of his eagle wings in a malicious effort to rid him of any advantages he had over her.

"HRAAAAWWWAAAARRGH! GRRRGH, THAT WAS YOUR LAST MISTAKE!" Rashid yelled in a mixture of unfathomable anguish and boiling anger as he suddenly whirled around while Hashanah was descending to the ground. And with another eardrum-obliterating *GRROOOWAAAARRROAAAR*, he fired off another sonic blast of his thundering voice that struck the half-genie while she was in no position to defend herself. With a *VWAPLAARSHK* of a direct hit, he sent her hurtling toward the ground, where she landed with another dense, glassy *PLARKAKSCH* that left another massive spider web-shaped dent under her.

"Haagh…! Ah…! Dirty trick, you flea-bitten-!" she was about to complain before Rashid came barreling down toward her, landing with a solid, glass-breaking *PWARRLK* of his eagle/lion feet on the ground… well, most of his feet touched the ground. One of them, with a sickening *THWAPLACK*, found itself crushing Hashanah's ribs under it. "GHAAAAAAAHAAGH…!" she barely managed to cry out in unspeakable suffering as most of the wind in her lungs was forced out. Worse yet, one of Rashid's talons was pressing right into her neck as she immediately struggled to free herself from his grip.

"I am going to DISEMBOWEL YOU, AND THEN FEAST ON YOUR INNARDS WHILE YOU WATCH!" the now one-eyed griffin threatened as he pressed his talon harder into the half-genie's neck with the intent to LITERALLY tear her open. And it wouldn't take him long to do so, considering he was already ripping into her suit and drawing blood. Desperate to find a way out before meeting her grisly demise, Hashanah pawed around her surroundings and picked up yet ANOTHER glass shard… and rammed it with another *SKRISCH* into the underside of Rashid's foot. "YHAGRAAAAAGH!" he howled in continuous anguish, stumbling back as the talon he previously had pressed to Hashanah's neck retracted.

"GYAAH!" the strawberry blonde half-genie yelped in surprise as the *TSCHEEERSH* of her suit being torn down the middle down to her navel alerted her to just how close she was to being split open. She quickly rolled backward onto her feet, winded as she inspected herself for damages. And from what she could see, her chest and abdomen had been partially exposed, and she'd accumulated multiple scratches and bruises across her skin in that area. She'd also suffered a multitude of minor scratches and tears to her outfit and all over the rest of her body. "Hah… Sh-shoot…! I'm gonna need to end this walking crime against nature before I take too much damage…!"

"Ghaaaah…! Hrgh…!" Rashid grunted and groaned as he took a moment to collect himself… while pulling glass out of his foot and his eye. He appeared to be in no better shape, as his damaged eye was smeared in red and squeezed shut. His injured wing was flared out because he still had a massive fragment of glass jammed into the base of it, preventing him from flying. His avian foreleg was also smeared red as he began to leak crimson fluid onto the otherwise pristine, glittering den. "Dhagh…! You're an unscrupulous, conniving, DIRTY fighter! Even for you being a genie, you dishonor your kind!"

"You just tried to rip me open with your claws while I can't use my magic, and I'M the dirty fighter!? That's bogus and you know it! But fine. Let's see how much this matters to you when you're DEAD!" Hashanah barked right back at him, ready to throw down whenever he was as she got set for another round while picking up yet another pair of glass shards.

"In that case, I won't hold back any longer," Rashid vowed as he got himself ready to pounce. "How disappointing, even with my expectations being so low… I'd bet this battle wouldn't have played out this way if I was fighting that other half-genie…" he remarked, causing Hashanah to raise an eyebrow in a mixture of curiosity… and festering rage.

"…WHAT other half-genie?" she irritably questioned him as she gripped her improvised weapon tighter in her hand.

"I'm sure you know. Long purple hair, blue eyes, alluring red dancer costume, INFINITELY more respectable than a peon like YOU could dream of…" Rashid nonchalantly described with a grin as he stared the renegade genie down with his remaining eye.

"Shantae? You're comparing me to SHANTAE of all people!?" Hashanah immediately pointed out, unreasonably furious at the assertion to the point that her magic even flared with a quick *KRASHISCK* of purple electricity running through her curvaceous form despite her keeping it contained and unavailable for use.

"'Comparing' is an insult to her that I'd never utter from my beak," Rashid corrected to Hashanah's chagrin. "Whereas she has a sense of honor and tact in her approach to battle despite being a genie, you have NONE. Like so many other genies before you, you would rather battle like a petty criminal with nothing to lose. You resort to opportunistic tricks and outright deception when you're backed into a corner. It's PATHETIC how unskilled you are without your magic! Speaking of which… Don't even get me STARTED on the massive gap between you and Shantae regarding your natural abilities…"

"And how the heck would YOU know the differences between her and me!? You've never even met her!"

"Yet, her reputation precedes her. I was expecting to deal with her when the Crackling Crystal Castle appeared, and I'd have been honored to do battle with her. YOU, on the other hand, will become just another red smear on my talons…!" the chimera threatened, baring his talons once again with another *SCHRISH*. "Oh, and for the record, she's far, FAR prettier than you'll ever be, with that garish pajama set you have on… You look ridiculous!"

"OH, THAT DOES IT! I'M KILLING YOU RIGHT NOW!" Hashanah threatened, her temper having gone FAR beyond its boiling point as she rushed forth with the full intent to end Rashid's life. Rashid would not make it easy, however, as he dodged her first weapon swipe with a stunning *SCHWEERSCH* of the genie's glass shard against the air.

"Kill THIS!" Rashid barked as he whirled around and swatted Hashanah with a *SCHLAP* of his tail against her chest, knocking her back. The rogue genie was ready, however, as she somersaulted and landed safely on her feet. "HRRRRAAAAAAH!" the chimera let out a primordial roar as he dashed forth and VERY narrowly missed his target with a *SCHWING* of his talons. Hashanah was quick enough to lean backward to dodge the incoming attack, though it would only lead to a sequence of Rashid chasing the young woman around the room as he wildly swung his talons at her.

"HWOH! Yah! SHOOM!" Hashanah grunted again and again as she ducked, sidestepped, and twirled around every attack her quadrupedal adversary threw at her. *SCHRISH* after *SHWOOF* after air-ripping *FWEERGH*, Rashid's relentless assault carried on like he could go on slicing away at Hashanah all day long while she was in a position of pure defense and evasion with no room to counterattack.

"Hold still and accept your fate, genie!" Rashid demanded, quickly growing frustrated as he kept on trying to carve Hashanah up like a Halloween pumpkin.

"No chance! TYAH!" she fervently refused as she found herself approaching a wall. Thinking quickly, she leapt backward to kick off the wall and somersault OVER the gargantuan chimeric beast. Just when it seemed she'd gained an opportunity to strike, however, she found herself swatted with a solid *THWACK* of Rashid's tail that sent her careening to the ground with another voluminous *KRAKRALASHK* of the crystal floor beneath her breaking some more as the glass shard she was holding shattered in her grasp with a *PLAKLRK*. Though shaken by the impact, she was able to roll back to her feet and leap out of the way before Rashid could crush her with a resounding *KRAKARSHK* of his foot against the shattered ground. He wouldn't be so quick to end his onslaught just yet, however, as he took a deep breath and let out a *GOOOWAAAAARRAAAOARR* of a shockwave-inducing roar aimed at the half-genie while she was at the center of the room where the treasure chest was. The sonic roar did its thing of temporarily stunning Hashanah as she covered her ears to keep from going deaf, allowing him an opportunity to strike. However…

"Awfully persistent for one in such a desperate situation, aren't you!?" the agitated griffin asked through labored breaths, evidently winded as he continued to pursue his prey. It appeared that Rashid was losing steam as he chased after with his injuries quickly taking their toll on him. Nevertheless, he pressed on as staunchly as he could. As for Hashanah…

"Do us both a favor and SHUT UP for five seconds!" the rogue genie barked back in increased frustration as she hurriedly shook off her disorientation, swiped the glass treasure chest from the table it was sitting on, and flung it backward. Just then, Rashid attempted another *SCHWING* of a talon slash that his target narrowly dodged. Almost instantly, the two combatants were entangled in another deadly dance of claw swipes from Rashid that saw them whirling around the massive, debris-littered arena. Hashanah spun, ducked, hopped, and somersaulted her way around *SCHWISH* after *FLEERRNG* after bloodthirsty *WHASHRIING* of the griffin's natural weapons aimed squarely at her, at some point even managing to take another glass shard into her hand while she relied on her agility and reflexes to wear the apex predator down. Meanwhile, the chest she threw shattered with an unbelievably loud *PRALAKAKAKLASHHHK* against the wall near the fireplace at the end of the room. And as soon as the 'treasure' within the chest hit the floor with a metallic *Kaklangklanng*… "Ooh, now THAT'LL do nicely…!" she remarked with a darkly excited grin as she caught sight of it.

"You'd have to fight me a HUNDRED times harder before I let you grab hold of that weapon!" Rashid shouted with a sense of urgency in his tone as he leapt forth and whirled around to smack her away from the weapon with his tail. Hashanah grew wise to his attack pattern at this point, however…

"Toomph!" she grunted as she jumped high and snagged her opponent's tail with one hand while a shard of glass was in her other one. Wasting no time while she was on the world's most dangerous animal ride, she JAMMED the glass shard into Rashid's tail with a mortifying *SCHRISHK* while he was trying to fling her off.

"GYAAAAAAAOOOWCHH!" Rashid wailed, indescribably tortured as he stopped his spinning and carelessly flung Hashanah with a *FAFWOOOOOOOOORSH* toward the first wall he saw to get her off him.

"WHOOAAHAHAAAH!" Hashanah howled as she was sent soaring across the arena… toward the area where the weapon in question lay near the crystalline fireplace. Oh, no…

"Ghaaah…! Who the heck thought it was a good idea to make this place entirely out of magic crystal shards hardly more durable than common glass, anyway…!?" the heavily pained and agitated griffin complained as he took a second to inspect the part of his tail Hashanah stabbed to see that she stabbed him hard enough with the shard that it was sticking THROUGH his tail toward the tip. Just as he tried to pull it out, however…

"SAY YOUR PRAYERS, GRIFFIN!" the half-genie threatened, racing toward him with the weapon in hand. Oh, and you wanna guess what the weapon was? It was a GIGANTIC golden zweihander that looked like it was crafted for nothing but senseless slaughter. Its serrated edges gleaming against the refracted light within the crystalline room, the sword looked like it was capable of slashing and hacking through ANYTHING… including griffin hides. It was almost comical that this thing was longer than Hashanah herself in terms of height, but it didn't stop her assault in the slightest.

"…Oh, shoot…!" Rashid cursed as he attempted to take flight, though… "GHAAARGH!" he instead yelled out in agony when he attempted to flap his wings. The wound he suffered from Hashanah previously stabbing him prevented him from going airborne, as he'd just been made to remember. "N-no, no, n-!" he was about to plead as he took in the sight of his impending doom coming upon him…

"HAVE A TASTE OF YOUR OWN REGRET! SHRRAAAH!" the malicious genie shouted as she, with a mighty *KRASCHWIIING*, slashed the amalgamate across his leg as he tried to jump out of the way.

"KRAAH! I… I will NOT be brought down so easily!" Rashid valiantly declared, though he had long since been struggling to battle through his increasingly grievous injuries. Nevertheless, he took a deep breath to prepare another sonic roar. As he did so, however…

"I'LL CUT YOUR THROAT BEFORE YOU GET THE CHANCE, BEAST!" Hashanah very aggressively proclaimed as she leapt as high and far as she could while holding a sword that definitely weighed as much as a medium-sized child and was almost twice her height. She engaged in a midair spinning motion with a fan-like *WHOOSHWHOOSHWHOOSHWHOOOOOSH*, picking up speed as she whirled toward her target with the full intent to slice him to bits.

"Your arrogance knows no bounds! HRAAH!" Rashid yelled out as he raised himself up on his hind legs while he prepared to block the incoming sword slash. And with a ghastly *KRACHISHRISCH*, Hashanah's sword indeed clashed with Rashid's claws… only to sever them AND the feet they were attached to in one fell swoop… "HWAAAAHAAAGH!" he howled in unspeakable pain as he stumbled back and fell into a seated position, staring at his missing feet with a one-eyed expression of pure terror.

"Hm!" Hashanah grunted, landing with a solid, glass-cracking *THRUKRAK* of her feet on the ground with her sword still in her hands. She wasted little time looking in Rashid's direction… to take ZERO pity on him. It was at this point that we all knew Rashid was as good as done for. Likewise, Hashanah gripped that golden zweihander tight and raced toward the incapacitated griffin like he'd vanish any second.

"Huh?" Rashid grunted as he helplessly watched the rogue genie sprint toward him and leap high, sword at the ready to do the deed. He had a chance to at least zing her with one of his sonic roars while she had no chance to move out of the way… but he decided against it. "…So be it," was all he muttered as he made no further move to defend himself. Instead, he breathed a heavy sigh, closed his eye, and bowed his head. Jeez…

"ENJOY OBLIVION! SHRAAAH!" Hashanah mercilessly roared as she descended upon Rashid without a modicum of hesitation. And with a battle-deciding *KASCHWIIIING*, she sliced clean through her opponent with a downward vertical slash. Immediately, Rashid disappeared with a smoky *PWOOF*, leaving behind astral vapors and glittery clouds of smog… as well as a HEAPING, gigantic supply of gems of varying shapes and sizes. "Whew! What a workout… but one evidently well worth the effort," she remarked, wiping sweat off her brow and stashing the zweihander in some sort of invisible crawlspace within the confines of her tattered spandex jumpsuit. You'd think she just got done mowing the lawn, she was so casual about ending another innocent person's life… Anyway, she said hardly another word as she collected the spoils of her battle and walked over to the fireplace at the other end of the room.

"Alright… Just gotta light this thing up, and we're good to go," the genie muttered to herself as she reached into her invisible inventory and pulled out a book of matches. Eager to keep her momentum going, she lit the match with a *TWICK* of the head against the matchbook's striker and tossed the burning stick into the fireplace… which, now that I think of it, had 'wood' in it made entirely of crackling, sparkly glass. And yet… with a glorious *FROOOOWWSSH*, the glass wood actually ignited! And man, was it a BEAUTIF-! "Don't you dare start describing the rainbow-colored fire, you nerd," she barked at me, having NONE of my awesome descriptions in the wake of her latest conquest.

Ah, right. I'm not allowed to have fun when I'm 'hanging out' with you. You didn't seem to mind it so much last time…

"That's because I was trying to be polite even though you were annoying me back then, too," she spoke her mind in an unnecessarily rude manner. "But now that we're familiar with one another, you'll not mind it when I tell you to shut your cakehole every time you wanna start getting all giddy about describing things no one cares about."

Goodness, you're such a bully!

"Hardly. I'm merely a concerned 'friend' who just wants the best for ya. Now, shut your cakehole and let's get a move on, shall we?"

Hm. Y'know what? I'll… catch you a little later. I just realized I have to go run an errand or something. Er… my goldfish came down with a bad case of Goodbyetis.

"What? You're leaving already?" Hashanah asked in confusion as she raised an eyebrow. "And what the heck is 'Goodbyetis?"

Goodbyetis-is no fun for me, so I'm taking a break. See ya later!

"WHAT!? HEY! YOU THINK THAT WAS CLEVER, NERD!? GET BACK HERE, AND I'LL KICK YOU WHERE THE DOG SHOULD'VE GOODBY-!" she tried to complain, shaking her fist at me… wherever she thought I was.

Aaaaaaand we're outta there… Thank goodness. Or maybe, thank BADness. Because we're not done yet. We've still got another loose end to tie up before we ACTUALLY need to take a break. I just couldn't stand being around Hashanah, so we're gonna follow a certain someone else instead. Hope you're ready… and that you brought an extra layer of thick skin, because where we're headed… you're gonna need it.

Rejoining Risky Boots of all people a little bit later…

"Hmph. This palace's defenses are pathetic and outdated…" the bodacious, blue-skinned embodiment of bad girl beauty that was Risky Boots remarked as she stepped out of the first room with hardly a scratch on her. She was, however, covered in a mixture of what looked like chicken feathers and purple slime… or blood? I couldn't tell. "I'd have expected a more formidable challenge than a simple maze with demon ducks and low-level goblins as my only opposition. Not that I have an issue with a quick, easy errand," she further mused as she dusted herself off and took a deep breath… before visually scanning the foyer and noticing that the door across from where she was standing was already open. "Hm? Why is that door open? And… wha…?" she was about to further ask when she heard the *twack, twack, twack* of footsteps rushing up one of the twin enormous flights of stairs.

"I haven't a clue why that other door looked like someone smashed through it, but I'm not letting ANYONE swipe that Spirit Fuser piece from me…!" the voice of the person rushing up the stairs could be heard swearing as its owner hurriedly dashed into the first set of open doors available on the second floor. The voice's owner? You already know. We just got done following her a second ago.

"Huh… Someone else IS here? Though it didn't look like the genie brat or any of her rotten friends at all…" Risky pondered as she stared in the direction of the other intruder. "I wonder if it could be that other half-genie I've recently been hearing a buzz about… Whoever it is, it seems they're also scouring these trap-laden castle chambers for that relic. In that case, I'll have to play it a little slower. See how far they get before I come swooping in to intercept them and send on a one-way voyage to the Pirate Master's Locker…!" the sadistic swashbuckler plotted. "Once that's done, I'll take that Spirit Fuser fragment for my own…!" she further mischievously soliloquized before quickly making her way up the other staircase to the second floor. And once she got up the staircase, she very lightly and delicately opened the door and politely let herself in without making a mess…

SIKE! What she ACTUALLY did was take out her portable cannon, aim it at the door, and despite it being completely unnecessary, she fired a *PRAPOOM* of a cannonball out of it that utterly SHATTERED the door into a million pieces with a deafening *KAPRAASKAKLIKLIKLIKLASHHK*.

"Hah! I suppose I was wrong about being able to enjoy this miserable, sparkly eyesore of a castle. Breaking all this glass is actually kind of cathartic!" Risky remarked in a surprise show of enthusiasm for the simpler things in life (destroying other people's property with reckless abandon) as she raced into the wide-open entrance, making sure to really enjoy the crunch of glass shards under her shoes with every step.

It wouldn't take her long before she was introduced to the next series of obstacles in her path… which, let me tell you… it was NOT for the faint of heart…

"Hm. Of course…" Risky lamented with a sigh and shake of her head before peering ahead from the glassy ledge she was standing on. "So, a gigantic bottomless pit with destructible glass platforms, flamethrowers shooting towers of fire from the walls, and crescent pendulum blades swinging back and forth to block my path… Just another average day in the life of the world's most powerful pirate," she made light of the absolute murderfest of an obstacle course she was staring down. "And… wait, are those CACKLEBATS!?" she added in what appeared to be actual surprise as she caught sight of these freakish, jagged-toothed bat creatures perched on the ceiling that wore red bandanas… kind of like her own Tinkerbats did, now that I think of it. But MAN, did those things look scary. I'd put money on it that these 'Cacklebat' creatures were probably A. Related to Tinkerbats, and/or B. Not loyal to Risky Boots in the slightest.

"This room is completely INFESTED with them, too…" Risky Boots further observed as she looked all over the ceiling to see more and more of these hideous monstrosities populating the cavernous chamber. "And here, I thought this world was scrubbed CLEAN of the Pirate Master's influence. Ah, well… Just looks like I'll have to pick up where those lousy, no-good, lazy, yellow-bellied genies left off," she further acknowledged, making sure to sneak in a brazen insult aimed at the species of being she despised the most as she readied her weapons and prepared for the challenge of a lifetime.

"SLICE 'EM TO RIBBONS!" Risky morbidly announced to start herself off. She began with a running leap off the platform she was standing on, followed by her swiftly pulling out her cannon and firing a pair of *PAPWOOMPHs* of cannonballs downward before switching to her parachute hat that opened up with a *FLOOMPH*. She glided herself to the first floating glass platform, which immediately began to give way with a *trakrik* of it cracking as soon as she set foot on it. Paying no heed to it, she leapt off the platform as it completely fell apart and rained into the skull-smoking abyss beneath her. She shifted to her parachute hat once again, though she'd be challenged by the *FAFWOOOOORSH* of a flamethrower blast shooting a mile high from below. Seeming unfazed despite getting a little sweaty, Risky managed to turn to the side, assuring that she'd safely float past the tower of flames and land with another *trakrik* on the next fragile glass platform. It was at this point, however, where things went… just a bit haywire.

With a disturbing, stomach-turning *FWAKKRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUWKH*, one of the Cacklebats awakened and alerted its pals that they had an unwelcome visitor. This same Cacklebat took flight from its perched position on the ceiling and divebombed toward Risky Boots with the full intent of knocking her into the pit. Though slightly alarmed by the sudden encounter…

"NOT IN THIS LIFETIME, VERMIN! SHRAAAH!" Risky announced and shouted as she jumped high, pulled out her bloodstained scimitar, and used that familiarly brutal pogo stomp attack to stab the unsuspecting creature from above with a nasty *SKRISCH*. She then lifted the sword up and kicked the beast downward with a dense *KAPLACK*, propelling herself into the air before switching back to her parachute hat. She found herself momentarily halted by a pair of crystalline pendulum blades swinging in different directions. She was limited on time, given that she steadily lost altitude with the longer she remained airborne. The buxom buccaneer remained undeterred, however, as she was able to sail between the blades by timing her approach. Soon after, she landed on her next not-so-sturdy glass platform.

And then out came another horrifying, screechy *FWAARAAKAKAAAAAAAUGH* of other Cacklebats as at least three more of them came swooping in to try and take the Pirate Queen down.

"Looks like I'll have to use ALL my favorite tools to put you poor souls out of your misery… Just know that I'm doing it for your own good," Risky declared with… an odd sense of regret as she pulled out her enhanced, modernized handgun and took aim. And just as one of the three Cacklebats made a beeline toward her, she fired off her weapon with an earsplitting *KRABLAAAM*. The round was almost completely undetectable by the naked eye, save for the streak of smoke it left. With a devastating *KRISCH* of the bullet against the Cacklebat, followed by an instantaneous *POOF* into a thick cloud of purple smoke, Risky dispatched the next of many Cacklebats in the room. The next one of the two attempted to dive into her again, only for her to leap from the ledge and skewer it with another cringe-inducing *SCHRISHK* of her blade in the creature's back, followed by a *THRACK* of her boot against its hide as she kicked it downward and got an aerial boost from it. She followed up by switching back to her parachute hat and gliding her way across the expansive gap to land on the next brittle platform. She would get no more time to contemplate her next move as she peered ahead to see that things would only get more difficult from this point.

Rather than attack right away, the remaining Cacklebat of the second trio let out an ENTIRELY unpleasant *FWAKRKARKAKRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH*, alerting the rest of its colony and sending them all into a screechy high alert as they flittered, flapped, and fluttered their way toward their shared enemy.

"Oh, you rotten little…! Now, I don't feel so bad about euthanizing you bottom-feeding wretches! PERISH!" Risky cursed and took aim, firing off a frightening *KABLAM* of her weapon to turn the tattletale Cacklebat into a *POOF* of smoke. Immediately afterward, she jumped off the platform and was about to use her parachute hat when she noticed a *FROOOOOWSH* of a flamethrower shooting… from the WALL instead of the abyss below. "SHOOT!" she cursed again as she let herself fall to NARROWLY avoid being burned to cinders on the spot. And right as her surroundings were beginning to get dark, she noticed a small gang of Cacklebats trying to get the jump on her from below. Thinking quickly, she pulled out her scimitar and got to work. "RUYAAAH!" the Pirate Queen maliciously roared as she set the blade downward beneath her feet and plunged into the first Cacklebat with a gruesome *SKRISCH*, followed by her kicking it downward with another *THRACK* off her sword to get enough of a boost to repeat the same thing to the next. And then the next. And then a fourth. And a fifth. *SHRISK* after *PLOCK* after *SKIRSCH* after *THUNK*, Risky brutally climbed her way up the Cacklebat-made stairwell until she was far enough outside the abyss to see where she was going.

As she deployed her parachute hat once more, Risky noticed that she was well below the next platform and thus, had no chance of making it high enough to reach it. Worse yet, more Cacklebats were screeching, flapping, and bulleting toward her with the idea to either eat her alive or knock her into the pit below. She was descending and was low on options… until she noticed a gust of wind blowing upward ahead. It seemed that the current was strong enough that the wind within the mysterious cyclone were visible.

"Gotta get over there to give myself a bigger boost…!" Risky Boots urged herself as she watched the Cacklebats rapidly increase in number as they clamored over one another to get to her. "…and it looks like these hopeless pests are gonna help me, whether they like it or not…!" she further hinted as the first of the new batch of Cacklebats dove in to try and take her down. "SHYAH!" Risky grunted as she pulled her legs inward to avoid them being bitten off, after which she switched to her sword and performed her signature sword dive to catch the creature while it was recovering. With another *SKRISCH* and *THWACK*, she propelled herself off the creature, followed by her whirling around and slicing the next two Cacklebats into oblivion with one fell *SCHWIING* of her sword while she was gaining altitude. Another three attempted to swarm her at the same time, though Risky proved much craftier than she was letting on. The first one beamed straight for her where it thought she'd descend, only for her to switch to her hat with another *PWOOMPH* to cause it to miss. She, of course, pogo stabbed and kicked this one out of the way for another boost in altitude. The second and third flanked her and tried simultaneously attacking when she looked vulnerable. Risky responded by swiftly whipping out her firearm and blasting one of them straight to the next dimension with a deafening *KRABLANG* of a round while the other one watched and attempted to halt its approach. Noticing the distraction, Risky grabbed the monstrosity by one of its feet, prompting it to frantically flitter and flutter its wings to break free of her grasp.

"Hrrgh…! Shoot, I forgot how wily these little cretins could be…!" the evil buccaneer complained as she was pulled upward by the Cacklebat. She took a few scratches to her hand and face as a result of the beast's haphazard flapping, but she saw herself making progress no less. Seeing its friend in peril, another six Cacklebats tried to ambush Risky all at once to free it. "Now or never…! HRAAH!" Risky shouted as she used her unprecedented strength to pull herself upward while pulling the Cacklebat down. Switching to her cannon mid-maneuver, she fired a *PAPLOOMPH* of a cannonball downward and vanquished the creature with a *KAPLONK* of the projectile as she gained even more height. She would then be forced to switch to her scimitar and perform another whirling slash that allowed for her to slay four of the six Cacklebats in a couple of spins with *SCHWIRSH* after *SCHRIIING* while the others were wise enough to halt themselves before tasting the bloody steel of her blade. She followed up by pulling out her cannon and firing another *PRAPLOOMPH* of a cannonball downward to gain more height, after which she pulled out her firearm and let loose a pair of *BWABLAAAMs* that knocked out the other two Cacklebats. At that point, the Cacklebats began to see the danger she posed and seemed to relent on attacking her further.

Taking the opportunity, Risky Boots switched to her parachute hat and sailed past another upward *FROOOOOWWSH* of a flamethrower. One more Cacklebat would dare to try to do away with her as it swooped toward her with the intent to knock her off-balance. She found herself undeterred, however, as she used one more *PRAPLOOMPH* of a cannonball boost to get herself just high enough above it to then *SCHRISHK* and *THROCK* her way past the animal with another pogo sword dive and kick. That maneuver would give her just enough momentum to safely stall and then sail past the twin set of pendulum blades in her path before she finally made it to the mysterious updraft. And with a mighty, gusty *WHOOOOOOOWWWSSHHH*, Risky was propelled HIGH upward. High enough that she not only sailed up out of the abyss… but also sailed even further upward through a compartment in the mile-high curved, crystalline ceiling! Seriously, you could assume this thing blew her halfway to the moon, she was propelled so high and so fast.

Before she even knew it, Risky was blown into another, much brighter room entirely. One that ACTUALLY had a floor this time, believe it or not. And more windows to let the morning sunlight in, to boot! Oh, and don't even get me STARTED on how magnificent this r-!

"Don't you start," Risky irritably cut me off. "The room is very wide, has a bunch of ugly stained-glass windows depicting mythological creatures lined up along the walls on either side, a few even uglier statues of what look like genies doing ridiculous dances, and it has some stupid-looking mural on the extremely high, triangular, crystalline ceiling. And as it defies all logic, this room has yet ANOTHER giant bottomless pit with a long, narrow, winding glass trail leading from where I'm standing toward the other end of the room. See how simple that is?" she… did my job for me, but in a much cruder way and with a roll of her eyes at the end. Hm.

W-well… if you're just gonna steal my thunder like that, then I don't see why I'm needed here.

"To make me look as fabulously beautiful and dangerous as I always do while I'm busy, obviously," she vainly shot back, tapping her head as though to imply I should've known that already. "Anything else you normally blather on about is completely irrelevant."

Jeez, is there something in the air today? Why is everybody being so crabby toward me this time around!?

"Cry about it later, you hopeless lubber. You're gonna have your work cut out for you keeping up with me on this part," Risky unsympathetically warned, ignoring my plight entirely.

Why's that?

"Because I'm about to bust out an old technique that allows me to cover great distances in basically no time flat… while SKEWERING anything in my path!" she was quick to excitedly tell me as she pulled out her scimitar and got herself ready.

Oooh… That… sounds… very scary. Also, violent.

"I'll bet it does. You should ask a certain ghost mutt all about it when ya see him next…!" the Pirate Queen 'advised' with a malicious grin on her face.

WOW. Now, THAT'S just wild. I will have no part in such chicanery and will thus ask no one any question of the sort.

"Hmph. Figured you'd say that, with your evident bleeding heart," Risky remarked with an uncaring shrug. "Sounds to me like you've spent too much time hanging around that idiot genie tart and her even dumber friends. I almost feel bad for you."

Yeah, well I didn't ask for your pity, Risky. It isn't like you make yourself sound like such a hoot to hang around, anyway. At least that 'idiot genie tart' and her friends are nice to me most of the time…

"As if you could even handle being around someone of MY stature and caliber. You'd melt within the first fifteen seconds from the sheer joy of it."

Rrrrriiiiiight…

"Exactly. Now, stop babbling on about useless dreck and start talking more about how awesome I am at being the world's most fearsome pirate captain, would ya?" she 'politely' asked as she set her sights on the perilous path ahead.

Aye aye, captain…

"Good. Now, then…" Risky Boots trailed off as she entered a crouching stance with the handle of the sword tucked at her side while the blade was pointed forward. "Looks like the enemy lineup will be slightly less monotonous than simple relics of my recent past that I'd rather forget, so have fun describing THOSE along the way. Maybe you'll actually finish a sentence before I rip through them all anyway."

Ah… w-well, I suppose it's worth a-!

I didn't get to finish my sentence (ironic, I know) because right as I started talking, Risky bolted ahead at full speed, sprinting like she was chasing a treasure chest with the quickest feet in all the land. Of course, my surprise had only BEGUN there…

"HyaaaaaaaarrRRRAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Risky roared as she picked up speed with the longer she ran… before she practically EXPLODED with a most eye-popping sudden speed boost that came accompanied by a sound barrier-rupturing *KRATWEEERSH*! She began to emit these incredible blue-hued afterimages of herself as she blasted off, running faster than a high-end sports car with the pedal to the metal. Seriously, she might as well have been FLYING her way through this castle chamber! Fearlessly, Risky Boots dashed onto the narrow, winding path with the full intent to reach its end in no time flat. And as if this path couldn't get dangerous enough, the crystalline tiles of the pathway emitted *KRAKRAK* after *CHAPRAK* with every step she took. Immediately afterward, the tiles broke into tiny shards and rained into the abyss below her.

Hearing her boisterous approach, a nearby Cacklebat alerted its allies with another eardrum-rattling *FWAKRAKRAAAAAAAAUUUUAAAAGH* to signal for them to prepare themselves. This time, however, it wasn't just other Cacklebats that were summoned to the battlefield. I'll… enlighten you as we go along.

"Shooorraaah!" hollered Risky as she kept up her momentum and raced along the first of many winding parts of the convoluted path that came in the form of a spiral loop that should've been impossible to run past. And yet, the speedy Pirate Queen dashed through it without an issue… which, might I add, INCLUDED HER GOING UPSIDE DOWN AND SIDEWAYS! She blitzed through it fast enough that she basically defied gravity. Of course, the path continued to also break apart with every step, but she remained focused. As soon as she got through the spiral loop, however, she encountered a massive gap between the end of the first section and the second. It seemed as though she would have no chance of making it across… but we know how 'resourceful' Risky is… and so, as she jumped across without even attempting to stop her trek and activated her parachute hat with a *PHLOOF*…

"GRROOOOAAARROOOWWAAARGH!" roared a winged reptilian beast as it came zipping in from the abyss below. Its glimmering red scales sparkling as it rose from the pit, the emerald-eyed dragon flapped its membranous wings with *FLORF* after windy *FLOOWF* and charged directly at its target… only for its target to react accordingly.

"BACK INTO THE DEPTHS WITH YOU!" Risky Boots shouted as she, while she STILL had those stunning afterimages following her, aimed her sword downward and… with just the NASTIEST *SCHASCHLIRSHK*, impaled the unsuspecting behemoth in the eye.

"GWWAAAAARRRAAAAAAWWWOOWWWGH!" the dragon howled in unfathomable agony as it raised one of its claws to try and strike back, only for Risky Boots to kick it back down with a mighty *KATHROCK* of her foot against its face. In doing so, she gained extra altitude while pulling her sword out of the beast. She then switched back to her parachute hat with another *FLOOSH* and glided the rest of the way to the second section of this unbelievably dangerous glass path. And with another instantaneous *KRATWEEERSH*, she was back to charging forth with her scimitar tucked at her side and pointing ahead.

The Cacklebat that had summoned its allies was quick to try and intervene as it, another two Cacklebats, and a stony purple gargoyle flew into her path with the intent to stop her. Little did they know, this would be their first and FINAL mistake.

"Coming THROUGH!" Risky announced as she did nothing to slow herself down. She sprinted forth full steam ahead, grinning with macabre delight as she quickly approached. And… with *SCHRISH* after *KIRSCHK* after horrifying *KAKRISCH*, the malevolent lady pirate impaled her way through ALL of her would-be attackers before they even had a chance to figure out what was happening. They each immediately vanished into dust with collective *POOFs* with the gargoyle raining down gems that Risky collected along the way. Following this, Risky came face-to-face with a glassy shuttle loop that should've by all accounts stopped her. And yet, she ran up, around, and past it while continuing to defy the laws of gravity. The path took her downward toward the abyss to the point that her sight became obscured by the sheer, skull-smoking darkness of the abyss below. Worse yet, the path had another break in it with the beginning of the next one being much higher up. Before she could even get to the point of jumping, however…

Another set of Cacklebats, this time accompanied by a particularly lifeless-looking, bony, gray-feathered Harpy Gal with all black eyes, soared their way to the scene with the full intent to stop Risky Boots from progressing any further. Just as the Cacklebats had gotten into position to attack, however, the evil buccaneer jumped off the end of the next section as though she had a death wish… only for her to pull out her portable cannon and launch herself upward with a *PAPLOOMPH* of one cannonball. Afterward, she caught the first Cacklebat off-guard by switching to her sword while she was rising and then JAMMING the blade into the creature with a sickening *SKIRSCH*. She followed up by propelling herself forth and kicking it down with another solid *PROCK* that allowed her to gain some serious height. Catching on, the other Cacklebats opted to move out of the way. Risky would not be so easy to outsmart, however…

"No matter how you lily-livered freaks play it, YOU WON'T STOP ME!" Risky challenged as she swapped to her cannon and fired another *PAPLOOMPH* of a cannon shot downward to gain more height as she retained all of her momentum. The Cacklebats could only watch in horror as the intruder blew past them. She still didn't quite have the height or the distance to make it to the next section, but she remained determined to get there.

"SCHRRRAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAIIIGH!" the seemingly undead Harpy Gal screeched as she flew in. Instead of blindly charging at Risky, however, she took a deep breath, took aim… and let out such an offensively DEAFENING *SCRAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEAAEEEEEEEEEEEACH* that everyone within a ten-kilometer radius should've gone deaf from it. The Harpy Gal's attack came out in the form of visible circular soundwaves that traveled downward toward their target at blinding speed. Yet, get this… As soon as Risky saw the chimera launch her attack, Risky pulled off one more *PWAPROOSH* of a cannon shot to COMPLETELY AVOID IT as she gained JUST enough hangtime to launch her counterattack. You already know what's coming… so brace yourself.

"TASTE MY BLADE, YOU REPUGNANT CREATURE!" Risky shouted at the top of her lungs as she lunged forth and… yep, with another gruesome *KASKRISCH*, impaled the hybrid woman with a downward sword plunge.

"GHAAA-Huh…!" the badly injured Harpy Gal barely had it in herself to eke out before Risky slammed her foot into the chimera's face with an impactful *THRACK* to immediately *POOF* her into dust and jewelry that the Pirate Queen enthusiastically collected as she gained an absurd amount of height. And with another *PLOOMPH* after reaching the apex of her sword jump, Risky opened her parachute hat to glide over to the next part of the maze… which she ACTUALLY made it to! As soon as her feet touched the glassy tile, however, she switched back to her scimitar and took off with another afterimage-producing *KRATWEEERSH*.

"Hm… I can see the other end from here…!" Risky muttered to herself as she the brittle crystal path took her on an upward climb nearly to the ceiling of the expansive room. More enemies made themselves apparent as she reached the shuttle loop that wrapped around the ancient crystalline remnants of a statue at the top of the climb and picked up speed on the way down. Two more of those creepy-looking zombie Harpy Gals, five more Cacklebats, and some sort of curvaceous reptilian woman with golden scales all over her legs, long and prismatic see-through wings that looked like they belonged to a dragonfly, and turquoise-hued eyes like a cat all made their way toward their shared adversary as she reached the end of the path before the next gigantic gap. They would not simply wait around for her to attack this time, however.

With another awful-sounding *FWAKREEEEEAAAUUUUGH*, one of the Cacklebats ordered its squadron to attack. Hearing the command loud and clear (as though they even had a choice), the twin zombie Harpy Gals flanked Risky Boots and took deep breaths to prepare a dual Screech attack while she was occupied with running for her life.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not quite the easy target you see me as…!" Risky slyly remarked as she took the final step on the downward path and leapt off of it as high as she could. Just then, the Harpy Gals let out twin *SCRAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEAAEEEEEEEEEEEACHes* that were loud enough to shatter the nearby stained-glass windows with even more startling *KAPWARLISKLISKLISKLISHes*. Had the undead bird women's aim been SLIGHTLY better, they would have caught Risky completely off-guard. Instead, their sonic rays collided with one another, emitting an eardrum-rumbling, low-humming *ZHWATRAAAAAAANG*. Rather than simply activate her parachute hat to sail across to the next narrow section of platforms, however… "ENJOY OBLIVION! HULL RIPPER!" the dastardly Queen of the Seven Seas announced as she whirled around in midair with her sword firmly gripped in her hand and stretched across her chest. In the next split-second, and with a completely BAFFLING *ZWOOOOOORRRSH* of her sword as she slashed it horizontally across, Risky Boots fired a crescent-shaped beam of light from her blade. The zombified Harpy Gals hadn't a clue what to expect until it was too late.

"GHYAAAAAHAAAGH!" both of them shouted in incredible agony as Risky Boot's sneak attack hit its marks with a macabre, cringe-inducing *KRAKLARSCHK*, slicing clean through them and turning them to dust with twin *POOFs*. Not even batting an eye at the result of her maneuver, Risky switched to her parachute hat with another *PLOOMPH* and got set to sail the rest of the way to the next set of platforms.

The Cacklebats and this mysterious lizard/bug woman would have none of it, however. With another *FWAKREEEAAAAAAAAUUGH* of one of the Cacklebats, three others attempted to block their enemy's path by flying full force directly into her to try and knock her out of the air. Risky's response?

"What you have in strength, you lack in ingenuity compared to Tinkerbats…" the unimpressed Pirate Queen remarked as she quickly switched to her cannon and fired a *PWAPLOOOMPH* of a cannonball downward, striking one of the Cacklebats down with a dense *KRATHUNK* while she gained a bit more altitude. "Why don't we see what YOU'RE made of while we're at it!?" Risky challenged even further, looking directly at the chimeric woman glaring back at her. On the way up from that airborne cannon shot, Risky pulled out her pistol of all things! She hurriedly took aim, pressed a button on the firearm, and fired off a trio of rockets with a rapid *FWOOFWOOFWOOORRRMMISSSSHHHHH* of all three of these improbable projectiles aimed at the other woman before switching back to her scimitar to perform another downward sword plunge that victimized yet another Cacklebat that tried to deal a decisive blow from below. With yet another *KASHRISCH* and *PLOCK*, Risky Boots stabbed and kicked the Cacklebat to vanquish it with another *POOF* of smoke. Afterward, she switched back to her hat with another *PLOOMPH*.

"…Foolish…!" the chimeric reptile/bug hybrid lady spoke in a hushed, raspy mutter as she began to RAPIDLY increase the speed of her wing flaps to the point where you'd think she had an industrial fan attached to her back. With an intense, rumbling *FWIDRIDRIDRIDRIDRIDRIDRIZH* of her membranous wings beating against the open air, this mysterious creature created a wind current strong enough that it stopped Risky's rockets before they could get anywhere near their target. Oh, and that wasn't where it ended. The rockets also began to glow red hot as this woman continued to flap her wings at basically Mach 1, if not Mach 2. And with a collection of *BOOMs* and *POWs*, the buccaneer's projectiles were rendered entirely ineffectual. "THIS is what my underlings struggle so mightily with? A cantankerous pirate past her prime and her silly toys on one end… and a misguided, power-hungry WEAKLING half-genie on the other? If this is how you choose to fail me, then you were NEVER worthy to be MY minions. But I shall at least leave the Pirate Master's former apprentice with a nice little 'gift.' She and that other halfwit will be made to bow before my power one way or another, and then I will destroy them properly myself later…!" this unusual monster lady remarked as she snapped her fingers and vanished with a whirling, glittery *POOF*… Hmm… How ominous.

Meanwhile…

"SHYAAH!" Risky Boots hollered once more as she plunged her sword into the last Cacklebat with another disturbing *SKIRSCH* and kicked it away with a resounding *PLOCK* to gain the last bit of altitude she needed to reach her next landing spot. This time, however, she landed on a solid platform suspiciously made of stone instead of crystals like everything else had been. Additionally, an unexpected *click* noise had rung out as soon as she made landfall. "Phew…" Risky breathed a sigh of relief, wiping sweat off her brow as she recollected herself. "Seems like it's only a little bit further before I reach whatever's at the other end of this room. Although…" she trailed off as she scouted the area to see that she was entirely alone. "Hm. Was that really all these Cacklebats and their allies had to stop me? If so, then taking that Spirit Fuser piece will be a walk in through a burning park…!" she assumed with a dark, grinning delight as she pumped a fist. "Just a matter of tying up the loose end scrambling around on the other end of this maze. Anyway, what exactly IS over there…?" the curious pirate captain asked herself as she put her weapons away and whipped out her spyglass to take a closer gander at her destination. And as you might expect, she was delighted to feast her eyes on multiple red treasure chests, some of which were wide open and filled past the brim with gems, gold coins, and all manner of expensive materials that would make any pirate salivate with insatiable greed.

Before I could even begin to utter my next statement, Risky Boots swapped out her spyglass for her scimitar, got herself set, and dashed forth with gusto. And within the following few seconds, she blasted off with a *KRATWEEEERSH* of her infamous Rushing Scimitar Charge that allowed her to run the rest of the way through the airborne crystal path. She dashed through another shuttle loop that led her upward, over an arc that took her downward into another lengthy corkscrew, and up another incline that ended prematurely and provided a gap between it and the final stretch. She cleared the gap with a mighty leap that should've taken the leg strength of ten kangaroos in combination with a *PLOOMPH* of her parachute hat. She stuck the landing without an issue and found herself Scimitar Charging through an upward spiral path that she rounded out a good five times without losing any momentum. Finally, she reached the end of the path that came in the form of one more incline and another enormous gap. This time, however, the gap howled with a *FWOOORRRSH* of a mysterious wind current blowing upward. Knowing what to do, Risky fearlessly jumped off the ledge and activated her parachute hat with one more *PLOOMPH*. The wind carried her upward just enough as she glided forth that she eventually landed on solid (albeit crystalline) ground.

"Hah…! Some combat trial THAT was… I ought to take a note or two for my Tinkerbats' training courses…" the Pirate Queen remarked once again through a bout of fatigued panting, though she stood tall. "Regardless, I made it through. Getting my hands on that Relic will make this hassle worth it. Of course, this is usually the part where someone or something inconvenient and annoying comes up to spoil my fun, soooo…" she once again assumed, not even finishing the thought before she almost instantly raced toward the treasure chests and took everything that wasn't nailed down for herself. For reference, that includes not one, not two, not three, but EIGHT big red chests full of forgotten treasure. So much for the 'finding little treasure' part of the riddle at the beginning of this maze… What a total lie! Oh, and you'd better believe not a single gem was spared from Risky's avaricious grasp. Yet, was when she got to the one chest at the end of the room that was surrounded by unlit torches and the creepy-looking crystal statue of a ferocious dragon… that she even bothered to think about slowing down on the smash-and-grab she'd just committed. It took her a moment of silently sizing up the chest and considering the possibility of it being a trap, but she decided to make a move on it, nevertheless. As she warily approached it (after stealing every bit of treasure in the other chests, of course), she noticed a symbol on it near the lock that showed an image of a sword slashing at something and emitting sparks from it.

"Hm. I wonder what's in THIS one…? Looks like its contents can't be accessed by normal means, and so the chest needs to be forced open. Let's find out what all the fuss is about, then…!" Risky Boots 'invited' herself as she took out her scimitar and charged it up with a most foreboding purple energy… which… Y'know what? That actually reminds me. I thought you weren't allowed to-! "My scimitar possesses a power of its own. An incredible and awe-inspiring power that can—at this point, anyway—only be wielded by yours truly. Not that I need to explain it to YOU, but take note that my techniques don't rely solely on magic like SOME people we know…!"

Oh. Huh… I-I guess that just means you're that strong…?

"I wouldn't be the ferocious and unstoppable pirate captain that I am if that wasn't the case," Risky set her version of the record straight. Granted, I don't know if we should take her claim at face value, given her history of telling flat-out lies in the recent past, but yeah… "Now, then…! HULL RIPPER!" Risky Boots announced as she let loose a truly awe-inspiring *ZWOOOOOORRRSH* that struck the chest with a *KRATWAKTWAKTWAKTWAK!* that sent sparks flying in every direction. More importantly (and because I know I'll get yelled at again if I get too descriptive), the chest was flung open as its lock shattered and vanished in the blink of an eye. Yet, rather than wait and marvel at the idea of discovering some possibly priceless artifact or simply be slightly amused by the concept of going on a classic treasure hunt… "Oh? It's a singular aquamarine, no bigger than a fingernail… This had better be good…!" Risky Boots impatiently remarked as she got Aquamarine of Anguish. The ominous-sounding gem fixed itself to the handle of her scimitar, causing the weapon to flash white a few times before, with a glittery *Plinglinglish*, cleaned and sharpened itself up in an instant. No more suspicious reddish-brown stains, no more bits and pieces of it chipped off… and the steel of the blade GLEAMED bright like it was ready to be bathed in another fresh coat of blood…

"Wow…! I… I can actually FEEL my sword surging with power now!" Risky excitedly observed as she looked her not necessarily new, but definitely improved weapon up and down. "The heads I'm gonna make roll with this thing now…!" she further darkly remarked, seeming all too eager to destroy everything in her path to world conquest. Speaking of which…

"Grrrroooooooooaaaaaawwwwwwoooaaaaaarrrrrr…!" a truly ghastly roar came from deep within the gigantic trench that was loud and thunderous enough to rattle the ENTIRETY of the chamber.

"Sounds like a certain scaly 'friend' of mine wants to go another round as a volunteer to test my new power," Risky Boots joked as that malicious grin of hers grew even wider. "If he's lucky, I'll only end up gouging his OTHER eye out. If not, then… well, I suppose I'm putting dragon carcass on the menu for tonight's dinner…!"

Oh, my goodness… You're SICK, Risky! Jeez, that's morbid!

"And this is exactly why you'd never survive as a member of my crew. You're yellower than the daffodils growing from the Pirate Master's Locker."

O-oh, okay. That was also incredibly morbid, but sure. I… I think I'm good with the job I'm doing as it is anyway. No need to go around brutally slaying and eating dragons… or committing various unfathomable atrocities and savage war crimes that would get me locked up in the coldest, most unforgiving dungeon known to man for all eternity…

"Hmph. Suit yourself, nerd," Risky rudely remarked, also calling me a name I really didn't agree with. Ugh… Well anyway, everyone's favorite diva caught sight of the glimmering scarlet scales of the dragon from earlier rapidly slithering through the shadows of the abyss toward her location. "Heh…!" she confidently chuckled to herself as she prepared herself to end this gigantic reptile in as grotesque and nefarious a fashion as possible. She wouldn't have to wait long before, with a mighty *FLOOOOWWWF* of its wings, the dragon emerged from the miles-long bottomless pit and revealed its face once more. This time, however, its one eye was squeezed shut while the other one hatefully and vengefully locked onto its target standing over the edge with her scimitar in hand.

"GRRROOOOOAAAAAAAWWWRRR!" the frightening behemoth roared once more, smoke billowing from its nostrils as it beat its wings against the humid wind and reached its destination in no time flat. The dragon turned out not to be TERRIBLY huge, but it still outsized Risky Boots by at least a hundred times. Seriously, this thing was as big as a one-story house! Smooth, sharp ivory claws on all four of its feet, a long, scaly tail with a ball of spikes on it that resembled a chain mace, an onyx underbelly… and rippling muscles that looked like it might've been part gorilla with how unbelievably toned they were.

"Nice of you to finally join me up here for one last dance before I flay every scale off your body and use your pelt as a decoration for my ship!" Risky VERY brashly challenged, ready to either make good on her threat or die trying as she practically trembled with macabre anticipation to do battle. Yet, rather than make any move to attack…

"…Master…" the dragon… rather growled as it lowered its head to meet Risky's gaze with its remaining eye.

"…Huh? Master? Me?" she asked, completely thrown off as she reeled back and dropped her battle-ready stance.

"Yessss… Master…" the dragon confirmed with a nod, its eye peering at the Aquamarine of Anguish affixed to Risky's scimitar. Following the beast's line of sight, Risky Boots examined the sword for a second before drawing a conclusion.

"Ah, I see… So, this gem must be the key to bringing you under control," the Pirate Queen theorized, her evil grin returning with unrivaled enthusiasm as she turned her gaze back to her new minion. "In that case, I'll consider taking you on as a new pet. Tell me, though… What are you doing in this labyrinth? Who confined you here?"

"Fatimah, the Countess of Purity…" the dragon responded at Risky's behest. "It is she who presides over the Crackling Crystal Castle. Millennia ago, I was cursed to forever guard this chamber, devouring all intruders unless one was to make it to the end and lay claim to the Aquamarine of Anguish. She who proves worthy to harness its power proves herself worthy to have me as her eternal servant."

"Fascinating…!" a highly intrigued Risky Boots exclaimed, suddenly feeling like she won the jackpot. "This is an INCREDIBLE discovery! Having a Scarlet Savadrake on my side will be crucial to my plans!" the Pirate Queen cheered, revealing the species of this draconian behemoth as she took in the fact that she'd earned herself a powerful new ally.

"Indeed, I am at your service," the Scarlet Savadrake assured with a nod. "What may I call you, master?"

"The name's Captain Risky Boots. But you can call me 'Cap' for short," she proudly introduced herself, puffing her chest out and pressing a hand to her breastplate. "Your name?"

"Zarchak," the Scarlet Savadrake shared his identity. "It will be an honor to do your bidding, Cap."

"You better believe it will be. Now, then… I've got a few more questions for you, but I suppose I'll ask the most obvious one first: How do I get out of here?"

"I will fly you back to the entrance of this chamber," Zarchak affirmed. "From here, you must conquer the other three chambers before you unlock the path leading to Fatimah's Master Chamber. Be forewarned, however, that the path will be anything but straightforward. You also must be certain never to use magic at any point before you encounter her, or else you will risk being forever locked out of the Master Chamber."

"Duly noted. And… what are the odds that I could get you to battle her alongside me?"

"I am afraid I cannot. I am bound to this room, even with you having claimed the Aquamarine of Anguish. Defeating Fatimah will break the curse and free me from this wretched, Cacklebat-infested dungeon and allow me to be of further use to you beyond this castle's destruction."

"Hm. Figured as much. In that case, we'd better not waste another second. Let's go, Zarchak."

"As you wish, Cap," the Savadrake obeyed as he lowered his head even more, allowing Risky Boots to climb onto the back of his neck. Upon doing so, the new alliance of Pirate Captain and Dragon took off with Zarchak whirling around and, with a windy *FLOOOWF* of his wings, went on flying his way back to the point of Risky's entry into the chamber.

"Oh, and… I would hope that you losing your eye won't impact your ability to serve me," the buccaneer offered the least sincere apology I think I had ever heard.

"It will not. My eye will heal in due time as long as it does not sustain further damage," Zarchak assured as the two of them 'bonded' over their new alliance. "It takes a blade of truly mighty steel to deal any significant form of damage to me, so I will take this injury as proof that you are worthy to be my master."

"Sounds like we're gonna get along juuuuust fine, then," Risky remarked with a grin as she rode her new dragon buddy along into the abyss where she started her trek through this section of the Crackling Crystal Castle. And just like that, Risky gained another massive advantage that could very well prove troublesome for her enemies if she had her way… It'll be only a matter of time before we find out just HOW troublesome she would become. But believe it or not… we're still not finished. We have to check in with Hashanah again before we end off, so brace yourself for this one…

Returning to Hashanah…

"Hah…! Whew…! Goodness, this place NEVER seems to let up on the surprises… Hah…!" griped an especially winded rogue half-genie as she stepped out from behind the doorway of the second-floor path she took earlier. It was… certainly worth note that her outfit was shredded nearly to ribbons and her hair was beyond frazzled. The strawberry blonde-haired woman was also drenched in sweat and was covered in scratches across her face, arms, exposed abdomen, and legs. "Wha…? Oh, YOU'RE back? What impeccable timing…" she still had enough energy to rudely remark as she pressed her back against the door and caught her breath.

Good to see you too, Hashanah… I guess.

"Yeah, sure… but you just missed out on the most ridiculous, most pulse-pounding section of this whacked-out castle so far…" she was sure to let me know. "You're gonna regret ditching me right when things were getting interesting…"

Ya don't say? Enlighten me.

"In a nutshell… a gigantic maze… spike and arrow traps everywhere… big, sweaty, muscly minotaurs of multiple colors with different abilities based on different elements… Outside of the sunlight shining in through the stained-glass windows… I couldn't even see past my own hands… Had to use that giant zweihander to clear most of the way…"

Wow… That sounds like quite the scary endeavor.

"Like you wouldn't believe… but the worst part was that there was a TON of these freakish, bloodthirsty Tinkerbat-looking things that had gnarled fangs and actual BAT wings instead of arms… an entire horde of them tried all at once to eat me the whole way through…"

Oh, you mean Cacklebats? Yeah, those things are merciless.

"'Cacklebats?'" Hashanah asked back in complete surprise. "How the heck do you know what they are?"

Well… because as you're about to find out, you're uh… not the only person here who's encountered them before…

"What!?" Hashanah practically shrieked, appalled at the revelation as she sprung back to a full stand. "Is THAT why you ditched me!? No, here's a better question: WHO THE HECK ELSE IS HE-!?" she was about to demand to know before the other person in question stepped out from the shattered remains of the door she'd previously blown open with her portable cannon. The rogue genie drew in a wide-eyed gasp of further shock as she took in the sight of the blue-skinned, purple-clad, sword-wielding, curvaceous swashbuckler that was the one… the only… "RISKY BOOTS!?"

"Hm?" Risky hummed in wonder as she finished dusting herself off and stretching out the kinks in her body. And as soon as her crimson eyes locked onto the other young woman standing before her… "Ah! So, we finally meet face-to-face," the Pirate Queen exclaimed as she drew closer by a few steps… while gripping her scimitar with a hand. "I'd heard rumors that another filthy little half-genie was snooping around Sequin Land, so it certainly does me quite the favor knowing I've been granted a chance to snuff you out before you become yet another thorn in my behind…!" she brazenly threatened as she whipped out her sword and took up a battle stance.

"Wha? H-hey, wait! I don't want to fight!" Hashanah tried to plead, holding her arms out in front of herself. "Can we at least take a second to get acquainted with one another before we decide whether it's necessary to fight each other?"

"Not a lit torch's chance under the Sequin Land Sea, you lily-livered SKEEZER!" Risky Boots harshly denied as she pointed her sword at her perceived enemy, who had suddenly clammed up as she anticipated the encounter becoming violent. "I've already got one constant genie-related headache to deal with in the form of that irksome, hair-whipping, goody-goody, idiotic wench Shantae…! And I'm not gonna tolerate ANOTHER one of you vermin scurrying around to potentially muck up my plans! Curse the ill fate that conspired for us to cross paths, genie, because this fight's gonna be your LAST!"

"…Are you KIDDING me…!?" Hashanah muttered to herself as she did her best to prepare herself for a fight that she never wanted… but that she'd surely never forget. "Shoot… and without the ability to use any magic, I'm already in hot water… I'm not sure I stand a chance unless I really pull out all the stops…!"

Aaaaaaaand just like that we've hit our next cliffhanger. Sorry about this, but we've definitely hung out with the two most delightfully evil women you done ever seen this side of Sequin Land long enough. Don't you worry, though, because we'll be certain to return by the time they actually start trying to kill each other. Of course, this encounter begs a few questions. Namely, which one of these ladies would make it to see Fatimah, the guardian of the Crackling Crystal Castle? What were their plans for the Sprit Fuser fragment they collected? And most importantly… Where is Shantae when ya need her? All these questions will be answered in the next enthralling installment of the Eternal Spirit Chronicles! Buh-bye for now!