Author's note: description of violence, drug use and sexual abuse

Chapter 18

I was in the church hall with other nurses, taking our break. I was looking down at his ring on my finger. It was beautiful, gold and decorated with black diamonds which I loved. It made the ring special, one of a kind. I kept thinking about what he said, making a reference to proposing to me and my stomach flutter- kicked. And okay, not gonna lie, I did try the ring on that finger, and it was perfect. I never fantasized about weddings, and about marriage in general. But since he gave me this ring, I kept imagining myself in a white dress walking down the aisle, him waiting for me at the end. Then I heard gunshots and jumped a little. A nurse ran into the church hall screaming.

- They are here! The rebels are here – impossible! They were supposed to still be on their way here. That is why Red was sent into the jungle to stop them. Unless the mission failed. People started to run around, trying to hide. We all heard about the horrific things the Fulani rebels did to their victims. We looked after the survivors. Then the door flung open, and Terwase came in with soldiers in rebel uniform rushing after him, pointing guns at people. That motherfucking traitor. He was a rebel all this time, spying on us, waiting for an opportunity. Another soldier dragged in the American nurses who were in the hospital. As I could not hear more gunshots, I assumed that the few US soldiers who were left here were dead. We were ordered to sit, and I was forcefully pushed down on a chair with a rebel soldier standing behind me with a rifle. Terwase put a camera at one end of the room, facing us.

- I assume you are wondering why you are here – he started after he turned the camera on. He explained how the information he has been providing for the US military about the rebel forces attacking the mission from the jungle was a decoy. Some of the rebels were disguised as government soldiers who followed us here, others pretended to be staff in the hospital. He then turned to the camera.

- You have stationed your military here, killing my people. Now you are going to watch us killing yours.

- Please officer. We are in the house of God – Terwase looked at the cross over the altar with disgust. Then at the priest pleading with him. Two of his soldiers grabbed him by the arms, dragged him to Terwase and made him kneel in front of him. The priest started to pray, most of the nurses were crying and Terwase slowly took his machete that he was carrying on his back. The soldiers who were still holding the priest pushed him forward. I knew what was going to happen. We all did but I didn't want to believe it. Then Terwase raised his machete and with a swift blow beheaded the priest. Blood splattered everywhere; people were screaming but I was unable to react. I was in shock. James was right. I knew fuck all about real war. I should have listened to him and now because of my stubbornness he is going to watch me die. Terwase turned to the camera again.

- This was only the beginning. I will kill one hostage every 10 minutes until your troops surrender.

We were looking at each other in horror. How is going to be next? I tried to control my emotions. I did not want Red to see me scared. It would only torture him more. I knew the military will not surrender. After all, we were all civilians and when it comes to war, we were collateral damage. Our fate was sealed. In the meantime, Terwase was giving a lecture on the sins of America. Then he stopped and took out a gun. The 10 minutes was over and one of us will die in the next few seconds.

- Looks like your country doesn't care about you – He went up to one of the nurses. He grabbed her by the arm and took her right in front of the camera.

- As the charge nurse I will let you decide which one of your colleagues will die first – total silence. Then in a very clear voice she said no.

- As you wish – Terwase smiled and shot her in the head. It happened so quickly that first I did not even realise. Then I looked at her lifeless body and could not stop the tears running down my cheeks. The next 10 minutes were the longest in my whole life. When time was up, Terwase grabbed a random male nurse, threw him in front of the camera and shot him. He did not even have time to plead. Then he was followed by two female nurses. There were only 5 of us remaining and if I was to be killed last, I had 50 minutes to live. After killing the female nurse who was around my age, Terwase turned to me. It seemed like I was next. He gave me an evil grin.

- I am starting to get bored. So, I was thinking we should have some fun while we wait for your military's response – he said looking at me straight in the eyes. He is going to rape me, I thought, and bile rose up in my throat. He pushed a table in front of me and moved the camera closer. He took a little white plastic bag out of his pocket, held it up in front of me between his fingers and threw it on the table.

- A little bird told me that someone has a little coke habit – he grinned at me.

- Fuck your little bird. I have not touched that shit for years.

- Then it is time to have a little sniff again.

He opened the bag, emptied its contents on the table and started to cut it into lines with his machete. I guess that is one way to do it. He took a bank note out of his pocket, rolled it up, put it to his nose and did a line. Great, it's not enough that we are held captive by a psychopath but now we are going to be held captive by a drugged-up psychopath. He put the rolled-up bank note in front of me.

- Your turn.

- I told you. I don't do this anymore.

- Come on Minty – I hated how my name rolled off his tongue – I think you will if you don't want to watch your friend die – he pointed his machete at Lena. Okay, we are not doing another priest, so I took the bank note in my shaking hands and did a line. He placed his machete under my chin and lifted my face up, forcing me to look at him.

- Good girl – he gave me that sadistic grin again. He did another line, and I started to feel the effects of the drug on me. He threw the bank note in front of me again.

- Your turn.

- I can't do anymore. It is too much – there was a shit load of coke left on the table.

- Oh, I am sure you can. But I will give you a choice. You take another line now and I will turn the camera off while my soldiers rape you or I will let them do it now so your boyfriend can watch? What do you say? Gun to your head? – He took out his gun and aimed it at my forehead.

- Tic toc Minty.

I took the bank note. I could not let James watch my other option. I would rather OD myself and hopefully be unconscious by the time I am raped. I could feel tears running down my cheeks and when I leaned over, I felt them dropping on the cocaine. I heard Lena next to me sobbing and I did another line.

- We will get back to this, but another 10 minutes passed so I have to kill someone else - I heard screaming and a gunshot. I could feel my heart starting to beat faster and faster and nausea started to take over me. My hands were also shaking but I was not sure if the tremors were caused by drug or the fact that I was watching people getting murdered and knowing that I will die too. Either way this coke was definitely contaminated and cut with God knows what.

- Now where were we? – Terwase stepped in front of me again and pushed the bank note towards me. I did not move and continued to stare at the table in front of me. Suddenly I felt his fingers caressing my cheeks and he lifted my head up. His face was very close to mine, and I could feel his hand making its way down my upper arm. I tried to move away but the soldier from behind me pushed me back. He leaned over and started kissing my neck and I tried to move my head away as much as possible in disgust. Every time I tried to shift away from him, I got pushed back. Meanwhile I started to experience chest pains, and I knew I overdosed, and I welcomed the realization. I knew I was going to die anyways, and I did not want to wait until Terwase and his soldiers were finished with me. I did not put up a fight, I just tried to dissociate myself and let the drug take its effects on my body and kill me. It became harder and harder to stay conscious, but I could still feel his hands all over my body, going under my shirt. Then I heard him ordering someone to bring the camera closer.

- I know this one has been precious to one of you, hasn't she James Atkins? Now I want you to watch me rape her while she is dying knowing that you could have saved her life. After that I will rape every single one of these women here - my head fell backwards but I could feel someone pushing it back and holding it in place. I also faintly heard Lena shouting at Terwase to stop and her being slapped across the face. I could feel my clothes being ripped off, but my vision already went black. I was just praying to die in the next few seconds. Before I completely blacked out, I heard a door being kicked open and bullets started to fly everywhere. Someone, I assume Lena, pushed me on the floor and I passed out. I regained consciousness periodically but was not able to process what was going on. I felt my body being moved and someone telling me to hold on and stay with them.