Author's note: This chapter contains descriptions of intimacy.
Chapter 21
Two days have passed and Red was called to the base. Minty was in her room, anxiously walking up and down. He told her that she should not feel guilty, but she could not help it. She was terrified that she will be the reason why Red loses his job, the one thing that he truly loved to do. An hour has passed, and she started to feel physically sick. She was switching between standing up and sitting down but no position made her feel comfortable.
She was sitting on her bed when her door opened, and she jumped to her feet. James did not say anything for a few seconds, and she was looking at him like a deer caught in headlights.
- They did not take my trident – he finally said and Minty let out the breath that she has been holding in.
- What else did they say?
- The team is undeployable, and they are sending us back to Norfolk in a month time. We will be on shore duty for the foreseeable future – Minty stepped forward to hug him but he lifted his hands up to stop her.
- Minty there is something else...I saw the video from inside the church. I saw what Terwase did... - Minty took a step back and looked down to avoid eye contact – I am so sorry baby for everything that happened. It was my fault. I failed to protect you.
- Stop saying that – she lifted her head up in a quick motion and looked him in the eye. Her gaze was strong and stern.
- You are not responsible for my decisions or their consequences. I need you to understand that and stop blaming yourself.
- Then why are you blaming yourself for my decision – James asked her just as sternly. Minty did not say anything for a few seconds.
- I guess because for the first time in my life, I am putting someone else's interest and wellbeing above mine, and I would do anything to protect you and make sure you are okay – James slowly crossed the room, put his hand at the back of her neck and used his other hand to gently lift her head up to make her look at him.
- I would go to the depth of hell for you. I love you – he whispered and kissed her. Although it started as a gentle kiss, it soon turned passionate. They missed the other's kisses, touch and the pleasure they gave and received. However, when Red started to lift Minty's top up, she froze, and he could see that her eyes went blank. Instead of James', she felt Terwase's hands on her and instantly jumped back. She was brought back to reality by James' gentle voice, calling her name and reassuring her.
- I am sorry baby – she said when she was finally able to talk – I don't think I can do this tonight. Can you give me just a bit of time?
- Please don't apologise. You can take as much time as you need – he said and hugged her. Although on the outside he was calm and gentle, deep inside his chest was burning with hate. He hated Terwase. He hated that he still had a hold on Minty, he still tormented her in her dreams. He wanted to tear everything to pieces around him because there was absolutely nothing that he could do about it.
Later, they were sitting on Minty's bed, facing each other.
- What exactly happened to him – she asked, and she didn't have to name names.
- I killed him.
- I know that but...how? – Red was a bit surprised by her question. For a moment he hesitated because he didn't want her to find him cruel or disgusting.
- I need to know...I want to know – she said in a quiet but strong voice.
- I stabbed him, cut his throat and beat his face until he was unrecognisable – it took a few seconds for Minty to process what he said and for the first time, she truly understood what a dangerous man he really was. When Minty didn't say anything, James started to panic.
- I should have not said anything. I don't want you to see me that way... – James started but stopped when she saw her smirking. Minty slowly started to crawl towards him on her hands and knees from the other side of the bed. When she reached him, she wrapped her legs around his waist and sat on his lap without breaking eye contact. Minty bit the side of her lower lip and this instantly turned James on. Like always. He leaned forward and gently bit her lip where she did just a few seconds ago and Minty wrapped her arms around his neck. James was leaving gentle bites down her neck and her collar bone. Minty tilted her head slightly to expose more skin. All of a sudden, he bit her hard and she inhaled sharply. He went back to biting her gently and tracing the line of her collar bone with his tongue. Then suddenly he bit her hard again. He was playing with her, and she liked it. Minty could feel that he was hard, and she slowly started to rub herself against him which made him moan quietly into her neck. She completely forgot about her nightmares and thoughts, but James suddenly stopped and pulled back.
- Are you sure you want this baby?
- I am sure. I want it. I want you.
- Okay, but we stop anytime you want, and we don't have to do anything you don't want to. You are in control, and I will follow your lead – as an answer, she nodded her head. Minty started to roll up his shirt and he helped her take it off. She gently touched the bare skin of his chest, and the feeling made James close his eyes and lean back. He let Minty explore every inch of his upper body with her fingers and mouth. When she sat up again, he opened his eyes and gently moved his fingertips up her bare upper arm. When he reached her shoulder, he slowly rolled down the strap of her top. He looked her in the eye before he pulled down the fabric that covered her left breast. Minty put her hand on the back of his head as a sign of consent, and he cupped her breast and put her nipple in his mouth. When Minty moaned softly, he started to draw circles around it with his tongue. He separated from her for a bit and pulled her top over her head and tossed it on the floor. For a few seconds, they were looking at each other, both breathing heavy and their need obvious in their eyes. Minty wrapped her arms around his neck and started to pull him over her. When he was on top of her, she guided his hands to her pyjama shorts and hooked his fingers in them. Red removed them along with her panties and got rid of his trousers and underwear as well. Being completely naked and lying in between her legs, he was aching to be inside her, but more importantly, he wanted to ensure that she was comfortable. Minty wrapped her legs on the back of his thighs, pulled him closer and he was in her in one swift move. Minty closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation of being so completely filled. Suddenly she realized that Red was still, and she gently moved her hips to signal that she was okay. Red was moving slowly, and he had to use his self-control not to quicken the pace too much, too quickly. While they often started in missionary, he liked to throw her around a bit and take her in all different positions. However, this time, he wanted to make sure that he was close to her, and she could see him, in case the memories started to come back. Minty enjoyed his hands all over her body; the hands that she knew killed many, but they brought nothing but pleasure to her.
- Baby... – she breathed.
- Do you want me to stop – he asked in a worried tone.
- Not quite. I want you to go faster – she grinned which he returned. After a while, Minty grabbed onto the headboard and arched her back. Red wrapped one of her legs around his waist, extended his tongue and flicked her nipple with it. When Minty moaned, he started to gently suck on it. After a few seconds, she loudly moaned his name and he could feel her walls clenching around him, which completely pushed him over the edge. Minty's eyes were still closed when he gently kissed her, got up and got some wet wipes. He cleaned both of them and slowly lowered himself on top of her. She opened her eyes, blinked a few times and smiled at him contently.
- How are you feeling?
- Very satisfied...and sleepy – Red chuckled, rolled onto his side and pulled her into his chest. He was slowly caressing her hair and humming her the melody until she fell asleep.
It has been two weeks since Minty went back to work and to the same routine and things seemed to go back to normal. That is from the outside. She was still tortured by nightmares and flashbacks. More often than not, she woke up crying and screaming.
It was 2am and she was up again, still hyperventilating. James was next to her, trying to calm her down. He tried to spend every single night with Minty and if he could not be there, she went over to Eve's room.
When she finally calmed down and they were both sitting on the bed, Minty positioned herself between his legs and she rested her back against his chest.
- How do you do it? – she asked finally – how do you….
- Keep going? – James finished her sentence. They never really talked about the things he saw or been through. James never really talked to anybody about it. Especially not her. It was not because he didn't trust her. But he wanted to protect her from these things, from his dark side, from what he really was. He did not want her to know the things he did, the things he was not proud of. He already told her about what he did to Terwase and he didn't want to darken her mind any further.
He sighed. He really wanted to tell her that it would all go away. But he knew from experience that it wouldn't.
- It will be easier with time - he saw her bottom lip starting to tremble and her breathing quickened again.
- Hey, hey it is going to be okay. You are going to be okay – she shook her head.
- I don't think I will be. I don't know how you do it, but I don't think I will be normal again – Red knew he had to talk to her about his past, he had to open-up to her.
- There are things that still haunt me – Minty looked up at him – I have seen people butchered…..people being butchered, civilians, and I did nothing because I was told to stand down and stand by. And I did, even though I knew I could have saved them – he looked at Minty and she saw that haunted look in his eyes. She took his hand and gave it a little squeeze.
- I have…I have killed civilians – his voice broke – not on purpose but they still died because of me. Because I built a bomb. They were not supposed to be around, but they were, and it was too late to do anything. We could not do anything because completing the mission was the most important thing. I have done horrible things Minty. I am capable of doing horrible things – he was not looking at her. He could not look at her. He was dark and cruel, and he was terrified of her seeing that side of him. She moved away from him slightly so she can properly look at him. She gently turned his head towards her, and he was taken aback by the love he saw in her eyes. She should be disgusted, he thought.
- You are a good person – she whispered to him.
- Didn't you hear what I just said?
- You are a good person – she repeated – I love you – she kissed him gently and she could feel hot tears running down his cheeks. When they separated, he looked deep in her eyes, and she wiped his tears away.
- You are going to be okay – he kissed her hand – I would like to promise you that it will all go away but it won't. These things stay with you. But you will get through them, and you will find a way to cope with it. You are the strongest person I know, and I will support you with absolutely anything you need – Minty gave him a sad smile and leaned back again his chest.
- I just feel so hopeless – she whispered after a while – like nothing good will ever happen again. It all just seems dark.
- I know you feel like that now. But I promise you a lot of good things will happen in the future, and you will feel happy again.
- How do you know?
- Because I have plans for us.
- What kind of plans? – Minty asked and looked up at him. James smiled and pulled her a bit tighter into his chest.
- First of all – he started – I will propose to you and hopefully you will say yes.
- Of course I will say yes, you know that – James chuckled.
- Then I will take you home to my parents and we will go to New York to visit your family. Then, you will make me the happiest man alive and marry me.
- Where are we going to live? – James hesitated for a bit.
- I was hoping we could live in Norfolk – Minty was thinking about it for a second.
- Norfolk sounds nice – James felt relieved – Continue! Tell me about our life together.
- First, we will move into my apartment. I will take you on a honeymoon to Hawaii because I know you always wanted to go there. We will start a family but not too soon after the wedding. I want to keep you for myself for a bit.
- How many children are we going to have?
- Two girls. Just as beautiful as their mother.
- Why do I feel like they are going to be daddy's little princesses?
- Because they will be – Minty laughed.
- We will move to the suburbs and have a house with a nice garden. The girls will be growing up surrounded by family.
- They might even marry one of your brothers' sons.
- Definitely not! If any of them put their grubby paws on either of our daughters, I will punch their dad in the face – Minty laughed and already felt sorry for the poor boy who would ask their daughter on a date.
- When our daughters grow up, we will retire and spend our time looking after our grandchildren.
- It sounds like a dream – Minty sighed and suddenly turned around, sat on her heels and looked at James.
- So, when are you going to ask me to marry you?
- It would not be a surprise if I told you – he laughed – but don't worry, it will be soon.
- Good because if you don't put a ring on that finger soon, I might just run away.
- I am a SEAL baby. I will track you down and kidnap you – James replied while pulling her back between his legs.
- All right, calm down Ted Bundy – Minty replied laughing – Tell me something else about our life – James smiled, hugged her tighter and continued to tell her stories about the future until she fell asleep.