Severus awoke suddenly to the bed shifting beneath him. In a moment, his wand was in his hand and he was sitting up to look at the intruder. Standing at the end of his wand, hands raised in surrender, was Hermione.
"Sorry!" she exclaimed in a half whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you!" Severus relaxed as he remembered that he had followed Hermione back to her chambers after their rendezvous in the Owlery.
"No, I'm sorry. After twenty years of being on guard, it's still a habit," he said, returning his wand to the bedside table and looking at the time. "Hermione, it's six o'clock in the morning. What are you doing up?" He had never been a morning person.
She bit her lip. "I couldn't sleep anymore. I just keep thinking about everything." She was picking at her nails.
"Do you wish to discuss it? Will that ease your mind any?" he asked, hoping the "everything" was more the possible pregnancy than their coupling last night. Hermione started pacing.
"I could lose my job. My potions titles. How would I even make a living in the wizarding world? I would be a social outcast. I can't do this. There's no way," she finished with tears welling in her eyes. He took in her word vomit for a moment before responding.
"You don't have to do this. I can brew a potion that will end the pregnancy, if you are indeed pregnant."
The statement hung in the air for a moment.
"I should do a pros and cons list," she said. "Logic has to win out, right?" Severus gave a shrug.
"If that's what you need to do to make sense of all of this."
She hurried over to the desk in the corner and pulled out parchment and quill. She started scribbling like mad. After a few minutes, she stopped writing and stared at the page in front of her.
"There are more cons to having a baby than there are to terminating it. It would simplify all of this to terminate," she said, almost to herself. Severus waited for her to continue, but she didn't. He sighed.
"Hermione, it would be simple to end the pregnancy before it had really begun. Is that what you want to do?" he asked, not sure what he wanted her answer to be.
After a long silence, she finally looked at him. "Yes. I think it's best to just end it before it can cause issues." She paused. "What do you think?" she asked quietly, looking at him with nervous eyes.
"I think you are the one who would most be affected by a pregnancy right now. It has to be your decision. I will support you in whatever you choose." He felt like it was a cop out. It seemed unfair to put the entire decision on her, but he was still right. She would be the one a baby would most affect. She would be the one to lose her job, her popularity, her friends possibly. But he couldn't make this decision. He could only support her decision.
A part of him wanted her to get rid of the pregnancy. She was right, it would simplify everything. They could explore this new- relationship? Was that what he was calling it?- without the burden of bringing a new life into the world. On the other hand, he had never thought he would live long enough to ever be a father, and the thought gave him hope. And to have a child with Hermione. Well, it was an incredible thought. Hermione looked deep in thought. He wished he could see into that brilliant mind of hers to see her thoughts. She looked at him.
"I'll terminate. If I am pregnant, I need you to brew the potion. This simply isn't a fair situation for any of us," she said determinedly. Severus felt something in him break, but he schooled his expression to his typical neutral and nodded.
"Then you have your decision. I will brew the potion if needed." He paused, not really knowing what else to say. "Now, it's still early. Do you want breakfast before your appointment?"
Hermione grimaced. "I'm not sure that's really wise at the moment. My anxiety is still through the roof."
"Well, I at least need coffee. And a shower. Will you be alright by yourself until the appointment? I can't have you hyperventilating in my absence." He eyed her carefully. He should bring a Calming Draught to her before the appointment. She took a breath.
"Yes. I'll be alright. Just promise to be there with me."
"I will be back to escort you to Poppy's office at 8:30 sharp." He bent down and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, grabbed his robe, and retreated to his own chambers.
Severus cleared his mind while showering. He couldn't let Hermione know about the ache her decision had caused him. He didn't know why the thought of terminating the not yet confirmed pregnancy made him feel like someone was tearing a piece of his heart out. But it was her decision, not his. And she had made it.
He allowed himself briefly to envision fatherhood. Would he even be good at it? He had never really liked children, but perhaps he would enjoy his own children. He pictured a lanky little boy, with a mop of black curls.
He shook his head. He couldn't allow himself to think this way. Hermione had made her decision.
He finished dressing for the day and then went to his classroom to collect the Calming Draught for Hermione. He reset the wards and started to Hermione's chambers. When he arrived, she was pacing outside the portrait of Godric Gryffindor that guarded the entrance to her chambers. It appeared as if she had showered as well and was dressed in a red jumper and denims under a black casual robe. He caught her hands in his and made her still her endless walking.
"Take this," he said gently, handing her the Calming Draught. She took it without comment and then took a deep breath as it took effect.
"Thank you," she said quietly. Without allowing her any more time for anxiety to flourish, he held out his arm to escort her to the hospital wing. When they arrived, Madam Pomfrey was waiting for them. She ushered them into her office and directed Hermione to the exam table that was set up in front of the desk. Severus stood awkwardly to the side, not really knowing what to do.
"You can sit down, Severus," the mediwitch said, noticing his distress. He sat immediately in the chair behind him. "Lay back, Hermione. And lift your shirt," Poppy instructed. Hermione obeyed. The Matron started making complicated wand movements over her belly while reciting an equally complicated charm. Bright pink orbs and lines started moving above Hermione. In the middle was a sphere-like orb, flickering faintly.
"Ah," Poppy said. "It appears you are indeed pregnant. This orb right here," she pointed to the middle shape, "is your fetus. Eight days from conception, if I'm reading this correctly."
There was silence as both Hermione and Severus stared up at the little pink light in awe.
"Well," Poppy sighed. "I'll leave you two to discuss. If you want to terminate, I'm sure Severus can brew the potion necessary, although you will have to have it administered here in the hospital wing so I can keep an eye on you. The potion can cause quite a bit of blood loss in some." She paused, looking at both of them carefully. "If, however, you choose to keep the pregnancy, I am licensed to care for you throughout and deliver, so you won't need to go to St. Mungo's, if you don't want to."
The Matron gave them both appraising looks and slipped out of the door. Tense silence hung in the air. Severus cleared his throat.
"I can have the potion brewed in two days. You will have about seven more weeks before it will no longer be effective."
"I can't do it." Severus looked at Hermione in confusion.
"Yes, that's why you made the decision to terminate," he said gently.
"No, I mean I can't go through with the termination. I just-," she stopped, tears beginning to well in her eyes. "That little orb is a baby. Our baby. I can't get rid of it. I just can't."
Severus took in the information. He was going to be a father. He'd spent twenty years as a spy in a wizarding war, and yet this was the scariest thing to happen to him. But it was also the most thrilling thing he could think of. Hermione sat up and turned to face him.
"Are you alright with that?" She looked at him with trepidation.
"Of course. I told you I would support you either way you chose. I meant that." He stood up and positioned himself between her legs and cupped her face in his hands. "I will be here the whole time in whatever capacity you need me." He bent down and gently kissed her lips.
"We're going to be parents," Hermione whispered. She smiled up at him and he nearly melted.
A little over a week later, Hermione was set to celebrate Harry's birthday with him and Ginny. They had finally returned from their honeymoon and Hermione was excited and nervous to see them for the first time after her and Ron's break-up.
She went back and forth on the idea of telling them about the baby. She was only 4 weeks along, but she had to tell someone. And she told Harry and Ginny everything. She couldn't keep this from them.
As she Apparated to Godric's Hollow, she allowed her thoughts to drift to Severus. Should she mention him? Or keep the father a secret for a little while longer? Would he be upset that she had told Harry and Ginny? Maybe she should have spoken to him beforehand.
Before she could come to an agreement in her mind, she arrived at the Potters' cottage and was knocking on the door. A few moments later, Ginny was opening the door with a brilliant smile on her face.
"Hermione! I'm so glad you're here! It feels like ages since we last saw you!"
The redhead pulled Hermione into a hug and inside the house. Harry was waiting right behind Ginny to welcome her in. Hermione hugged him in greeting as well.
Harry and Ginny excitedly filled her in on their honeymoon as they walked to the living room and sat down.
"I'm glad you two had a wonderful honeymoon." She paused, gathering her courage. "I have some things to fill you in on as well."
"If this is about Ron, don't bother," Ginny said, waving a dismissive hand in front of her. "He's a prat and you deserve better."
Hermione smiled tightly. "Yes, well did he tell you that I walked in on him cheating with Lavender Brown?"
Ginny turned red. "No! That arsehole. Hermione, I'm so sorry. But I really meant that you deserve better. How are you doing?"
Hermione took a breath. "Well, a lot has happened since that night. First off, I got a job! Professor McGonagall offered me a teaching position at Hogwarts!"
"That's great, Mione!" Harry exclaimed. "What are you teaching?"
"Severus Snape and I are splitting Potions and Defense this year. Then next year, the plan is for me to take on all the Potions classes." Hermione felt a blush rising from her neck at the mention of Severus.
"What else happened?" Ginny asked. Hermione froze. Had she given it away without realizing it?
"What do you mean?" she answered carefully.
"You said a lot had happened since we left. Surely "a lot" is more than a new job. Not that that isn't enough," she said hurriedly.
"Yes. Well, there is more." Hermione cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."
"Oh my gods, Hermione! Pregnant?! Does Ron know?" Harry practically yelled.
"It isn't Ron's."
"WHAT?!" the newlywed couple said in unison.
"Well, that night after I caught him and Lavender, I got really drunk and had a sort of one night stand." Hermione felt her embarrassment creep higher up her face.
"With who?!" Ginny asked, leaning forward.
"Wait," Harry interjected. "You said the night you found them? Ron told me you showed up the next day to get your things from the flat. With Snape! Oh my god, Hermione, did you sleep with Professor Snape!?"
Hermione dropped her face into her hands. She nodded. "It just sort of happened! I went to Grimmald Place after finding Ron and Lavender. I didn't know where else to go and I didn't know you had lent it to Severus. I started drinking and he found me and things just happened!"
"And neither of you thought about casting a protection spell?" Ginny said with a little more disbelief in her voice than Hermione was strictly comfortable.
"In our, erm, impaired condition, neither of us could. And Severus thought he had given me a Contraceptive Potion, but, well, there was a mix up and he gave me a Headache Relief by mistake."
"Wait, you keep calling him "Severus"," Ginny said with growing comprehension. "Is something still going on?"
Hermione winced. "Erm, sort of? Yes. I guess so. I mean, I am having his baby! And, yes, I like him. We have to at least give it a try, right?"
Harry and Ginny were staring at her with a mixture of appall and disbelief.
"Say something! Don't just stare at me!"
Before either of them could obey, there was a knock at the door. Harry got up and went to the door. Hermione heard, with slight horror, Ron's voice carry through the house.
"Happy Birthday, mate!"
Ginny looked at Hermione with concern. "I can make him leave."
"No, it's fine. I need to head back anyway." Hermione stood up to leave and gave Ginny a hug.
"We'll talk about the whole, erm, thing," Ginny glanced down at Hermione's midsection, "later. Yeah?"
"Of course, Ginny. Come by Hogwarts for tea sometime." Hermione turned around to find Harry and Ron standing at the entrance of the living room. She walked towards Harry to say goodbye.
"What are you doing here?" Ron said, disgust in his voice. Hermione nearly hexed him again.
"Harry's my best friend, too, Ronald. I came to wish him a happy birthday," she said in an icy tone. "Don't worry, I was just leaving. Goodbye, Harry. Happy birthday. We'll talk later."
With another cold look Ron's way, she slipped out the door.