AN: And so it continues….
~Desire~
"Tell me with your actions.
Speak to me through your hands in my hair, and mouth on my lips.
Show me how you really feel with you pressed against me, with nothing, not even these useless words, between us."
N. Hardy
His arms were around her in what felt like mere seconds; her own quickly reaching for him in turn.
They were finally alone.
He had been away for so long, the client waiting around seven months to decide if she should pull the thread.
Usually, she – Ai, wouldn't allow such a lengthy amount of time to pass, before she stopped the case altogether. There were many others who had grievances, and ones that would be over with swiftly. But she decided to wait, something about the client – a young girl, Cho, intrigued her.
Her hatred was pure, that was the only way Ai could describe it. Steady dark gaze, hair jet black, skin olive; this child reminded her of innocence. Her circumstances were wretched; an abusive mother, a father who cared, but who couldn't care enough to try and help, and an infant brother; who the girl loved fiercely, so much so, as to resemble a mother's devotion.
So immense was her love that it had given birth to hate; for her mother, who threatened and mistreated her son and daughter to the point of near death.
Ai had expected the child to go through with the contract very quickly, but to her surprise, the girl had tried, really tried, to get help from others. She contacted the police; which led to an investigation of the family, and eventual referral to the child welfare services department, of the police force in her region.
Ai, for the first time in a long time, had begun to think that the case would end in justice.
She was mistaken.
Really, it might have played out that way, if the girl hadn't been forced to make the choice, leaving her to decide in a matter of seconds. The mother, crazed from too many prescription drugs and an adrenalin rush from beating her children, had taken a knife to the baby's throat.
The girl hadn't the strength to move, overcome with what appeared to be dizziness, from the intense abusive acts inflicted on her prior. But she had him, her doll, and when she was made to choose between her brother and her own life, her own soul – she picked her beloved sibling.
Not the ending Ai had wished for, but, one that she respected, and in a similar situation, a choice she would have likely made herself.
Cho was saved, and not, all at once.
It had been a hard case, for all of them.
But especially for Ren and herself, since he was a constant observer of the family, and her, because of the strong sense of connection she had felt with the child.
They were both grateful for it to over.
It was jarring to them both; to be separated so long from each other.
They hadn't been apart for an extended period of time, at least since before they had started this relationship, which had changed everything, so completely.
Ai hadn't thought his absence would be an issue; she had been without him before, for much longer than a few short months.
But that was before
And now…
It had started slowly, the loneliness, the feeling of something missing. She hadn't recognized the reactions; because she had never felt such emotions before. Maybe as a Human, but that was so long ago, and so repressed, that she couldn't recall ever feeling such an intense amount of longing for someone.
But as she grew to expect how she felt, and the time without him stretched on, her longing only seemed to increase.
She needed him
Such a Human weakness, but she couldn't deny that it was so.
She missed him deeply; all his snarky comments, the chatter that could fill up a room and make her listen, his devilish smile which always caused butterflies to swirl in her stomach, his hand that held her own small one so confidently, the security that she felt with him whenever his arms would wrap around her frame, his eyes, his face…
Everything…
It made her feel so small.
She felt as though she had woken from a wonderful, impossible dream; and now was back in a reality which she was now sure she couldn't face alone.
She played with her marbles, folded Origami, piled rocks by the waterfall, ate her Cherries – all the things she used to enjoy, but now, they held no interest for her. Or rather, she was too preoccupied to really care for the activities; so mundane, so tedious, were these normal, everyday things.
Desire
It invaded her every thought, her every action.
And now here he was, pressed so closely against her tiny frame.
She likes him like this, under her hands.
They hadn't the time to reconnect right away, they had to carry out the girl's vengeance, and then Ai was busy, bringing the boat to the world of the dammed.
Then immediately after the whole ordeal was done, a new client had sent a request, leaving her no choice, but to accept it. Yamawaro was to assist this time around, despite Kikuri's constant insistence that this not be done.
The group made their way to investigate this new case; this city's "Obon" festival was in full swing, Men, Women, and Children all sported summer Yukata; the colors echoing the deep Auburns, Russets and Greens of the earth; reflecting the eventuality of all Human lives, an endless cycle of life and death.
Venders sold their goods, children ran about, as the adults kept one eye on them, and another on their cups of Sake. Lantern light cast shadows, both from the river, where the paper squares floated along, names of beloved family members who had passed, written in neat calligraphy on the frail paper sides.
Music wafted from speakers hidden conspicuously nearby in trees, the volume lowered to evoke a sense of peace amongst the crowds. A familiar song played, Shinran Ondo, enhancing the traditional feel of the festival.
It was all very lovely.
The souls would soon return to their place in the Afterworld, weather Hell or Heaven, it was the order of things, and how everything must be. The river that pulled them ever closer to their fates made that even more apparent.
On any other night this thought would be morbid and depressing, but, on a night set aside for joyfulness, the ever turning wheel of fate was something to be appreciated and valued.
"The Red string of fate" the phrase wafts through Ai's thoughts as she glances over sideways at Ren.
He stands by the river, watching the lanterns float by. He looks so handsome, the Blue of his Yukata bringing out his dark hair and skin, making his unusual Green gaze that much more noticeable, because of the dark color and pattern.
She could never compare, the deep Purple Yukata with White Lilies and butterflies scattered across, made her feel young and plane next to him.
He is so beautiful…
And he is hers.
A sudden breeze makes her shiver, though; it wasn't just the cold that caused her to tremble so.
She felt as though she had been struck across the face.
She wants him
Love and desire; she felt both of these emotions intensely, and all at once.
She hadn't noticed it yet, but now, as she truly acknowledged the truth of her feelings, the past weeks and months without him became very clear.
An unfamiliar ache low in her body, whenever she thought about him for a long time, followed by her feeling shaky and out of breath, though she had done nothing besides allowing her thoughts to roam.
This became a regular occurrence, as the weeks passed without a closure of the case, and each time became more intense; the unfamiliar craving that she had no name for, never being met.
Cheeks blushing Scarlet, Ai feels a flood of embarrassment envelop her.
Hands clenching into tiny fists, she looks away from him quickly.
Longing, a different kind then before
It was purely Carnal in essence.
That was the answer she had been looking for, a phrase to explain the unending tension trapped within her body.
Did he have similar desires?
Did he want her in the same way she wanted him?
These questions passed through her mind in quick succession, all ending on one core thought.
She needed to touch him, and in turn, be touched.
She licked her lips
She wasn't afraid anymore, after she had told him of her past, and he in turn had been nothing, but understanding and supportive towards her. Her fear of dependency, of physical intimacy, of loving someone, dulled.
After her recounting, they had spent much time on trying to talk to each other; Learning how to share their emotions, on learning to care for each other, on a very emotional level.
She learned how to read his moods, how to get him to confide in her, on how to comfort him.
If he was quiet, if he seemed removed, agitated or restless; that became an indication for her to approach or even to just let him be. He was interesting, in that sometimes he seemed to want nothing more than to be held, to be in close proximity to her, to talk to her about his concerns or something that had upset him.
While other times he was distant and would avoid everything and everyone. He needed that space to clear his head, to come to a place of understanding within himself, to clean the wound that had been re-opened.
She understood the differing needs.
Because she had similar reactions to upsetting or disturbing situations
It wasn't just her though; he had also grown quite attentive to her moods
A glazed over expression, an unfocused gaze, times where she would wake from horrifying dreams, screaming and in a state of panic, and general moodiness were all signs that he now seemed to recognize as warning signals, for him to come to her.
She could be set off by the most trivial of things; a falling blossom petal, a heavy rain storm, anything really.
Hard to predict, she knows, would be the understatement of the century, when used to describe her.
Ai knows she hasn't made it easy for him, if he could be distant and quiet, she could be non-responsive to any and every effort made by him. It could take her hours, days, and sometimes weeks to find her inner peace and come back from whatever had affected her so.
It frustrated him; she could see that in his face, whenever she would come back to him.
She knows that the frustration isn't with her, but more routed in the fact that sometimes, he couldn't find ways to help her.
He had said as much one time, when the fog had lifted from her mind and she had sought him out, in need of his touch and affection.
He'd held her close, as a few stray tears escaped her eyes
"I wish I knew how to help you." He'd whispered in her ear, after her initial crying jag had calmed.
She made a conscious effort to reply, having avoided any talk for so many days now.
"You… don't need to." She paused for a moment
"I'm just glad that you're here now." She berried her face in the fabric of his shirt, breathing in his scent.
She hoped he understood, what she had been trying to convey, in so few words.
I'm sorry I'm sad, constantly depressed, forever angry, haunted and unable to confide in you the same way you have learned to talk with me; I don't know how to say how I feel, I want to, but I just can't sometimes. I love that you're here for me even when I completely disregard you, I love that you never stop caring and trying; even though I don't deserve any of it.
Maybe he had understood, because moving forward the look of anguish faded somewhat from him, whenever she would disappear into herself.
She loved him for it.
Back in the here and now, with her mind so consumed with thoughts of him, she had failed to notice that the beloved in question, had his gaze trained on her downcast head and heated cheeks; a look of confusion spread over his handsome face.
What was going on? He had never seen her look so self-conscious, so unlike her confident self.
Ren eyed her fully then; not caring at the looks he was receiving from the surrounding Humans.
Her hands were clenched at her sides, statue still, looking as taught as a bow. He would have been amused if it had been anyone else but her.
A smirk played across his face, as the realization hit him like a punch to the gut; in that same moment, her head finally raised, bloody gaze meeting his own bright one.
Oh, he knew that look alright
He'd seen it a thousand times before, on so many faces
But never hers
His heart seemed to skip a beat
For she is his
"... For let not light see my black and deep desires."
The two maybe three seconds of locked eyes that followed, felt like an eternity to them, more intimate, then anything they had shared thus far.
"I'll follow thee and make a Heaven of Hell…"
At the same time, they moved to each other; the once firm boundaries between them removed completely.
Before he could even ask the question she had already seemed to answer. Her back was to him as she began to walk away, but several feet behind her he followed, entranced, something akin to magnetic energy, making it impossible for him to not continue to follow her slowly retreating form.
On the opposite end of the river bank, walking away hand in hand was the couple they had come here to investigate. They looked untroubled, a weight lifted from around them, something pure emerging.
And right in the middle, at a crossroads, were Hone, Wanyuudou, and Kikuri.
With a slight wave of his hand, the old wise Man motioned at his remaining companions to follow, leading them in the direction of their current clients; much to the consternation and annoyance of Hone and Kikuri.
"Leave them be." He orders quietly of Kikuri, who makes an effort to follow the retreating backs of Ai and Ren. He promptly scooped up her wriggling form across his shoulder, keeping her secure there, while they also disappeared into the night.
The air had an odd static quality as "Mistress" and "Servant" made their way into the blackness of late night. The moon was full, bathing them in a silver glow.
Both illuminating and hiding them
A perfect night for lovers
Ren wanted nothing more than to stop her ever moving feet; to hold her close, to kiss her deeply, but he decides to wait for her, to let her come to him.
He forgets sometimes, that in many ways, she was still very childlike.
After several minutes more, she finally comes to a standstill, so suddenly, that Ren almost mows her down.
Automatically, he reaches out to stop her from falling, his hands holding her waste securely.
"Gomen'nasai" He quickly apologizes, trying unsuccessfully to hide his grin.
Her eyes are meeting his now, he may be mistaken, but he senses a note of humor as she quietly responds.
"So formal?" Ai murmurs, warmth reflected in her gaze that he's only seen a few times before.
He can't speak, he feels as if something is caught in his throat.
He's missed her
A pause
Then their arms were around each other, needing nothing more than to hold the other close.
After what felt like an eternity, he hears her whispering into the air between them.
"I missed you."
Clutching her closer still Ren replies
"Well, that's good to hear, cause…" He pauses
"I missed you too."
"So much"
Reaching for her, Ren caresses her face, re-memorizing the shape.
They are only a few inches apart now, Ai wants so badly to kiss him, her mind is fuzzy, she can't think straight, but her propriety and sense of being exposed in public, stops her - well momentarily.
Taking his hand in hers, Ai gently tugs him along, keeping them moving forward.
And now here they are, her back pressed snugly against the shrine wall that they had stopped at, and his arms that once again held her close.
They kiss with abandonment, with pure recklessness, whispered words falling between them; usually kept so hidden, only showing through weighted gazes and so few words.
Now they were free, for a time, to openly express them.
It was a kind of paradise.
Not a soul was about and they were finally alone.
She couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
The dark was a thick blanket, allowing the unallowable.
Sin
The moon watched….
AN: So again, we're getting into adult content areas, so be warned for future chapters.
Though I am really not wanting to move up the rating, not for any personal feelings on sex scenes (I've already wrote several variations of one that will be posted soon) but more that I don't want to lose visibility for this story. I'm not sure how that sounds, but it's not meant to be viewer hungry or anything.
It is more about just wanting people to see it and not have it shut behind the M rated door. I'm considering just marking the story in the summary as M, for a warning, but leaving it as T.
I know I could just not include sexual scenes or content, but I believe it's important for this particular story, and for their relationship to grow, and I don't want to leave that out, just because of ratings.
Let me know if you have any comments or advice.
I also want to mention a few things, starting with that, I know this may seem like these characters are OOC, but my thought process is, we don't know how they'd act in a situation like this, we haven't seen it played out. (Sadly)
I am a strong believer in love and the insane things that love and desire can make people do. No matter how composed or the amount of danger or stupidity attached with it, people, in my opinion, are incapable of not acting like love sick idiots when they are of a mind to do so.
Even if you are a puzzle piece in Hell's game (perhaps even because)
Also there is a reason for the slow pace and lack of antagonist; you'll just have to stick around and see!
I've been struggling lately, with trying to not stray too far from the original way these cuties act in the anime, but also trying to stay true to the way this story is written.
It's funny, I've been re-watching a lot of the second season, because that's when the interactions between Ai and her "family" are most apparent and meaningful. And I kind of love how so many writers, for this pair in particular, including myself, can take Ai from one extreme, hardly any emotions, to her showing so much in these stories.
I guess that's what's so intriguing about the pair though, how interesting would it be for them to be put in these situations and see what happens?
Well, I guess that's why I'm here! :D
Also, I think writing about more mature themes is important, cause since Ai is very much an adult and child, I find it interesting to have her having these intense desires, while still being childlike and unknowledgeable, and how in turn, Ren will deal with that.
Let's see what happens!
Also, bonus points if you can spot the Shakespeare quotes!
That's it for now.
Reviews and feedback keep me enthusiastic and wanting to write, also is just generally appreciated!
Until next time!
Mia ^~^
Songs: Shinran Ondo (played at festivals, most especially Bon)
Song:【歌ってみた】紡唄 -つむぎうた-