AN: Let's continue on, shall we? Thank you for the continued support!
~Confessions~
It was another day - a new cycle, a new client to observe.
This time, it was a first year high school girl; being bullied by an upperclassmen. Pathetic, but not uncommon, actually such dull cases were, to say the least, preferred by the Hell Correspondence team.
Hard cases brought back hard memories, for all of them.
Yes, these types of cases were best.
Ai sits in one of the desks near the back of the classroom, in close proximity to their client. The girl's bully was absent today, but the client was present, and Ai had thought it a good idea to sit in on the class, to observe the girl. So she could watch her behaviors, if she had friends, did she seem to have other bullies around her?
As of right now though, Ai hasn't seen anything that she would deem out of the ordinary or disturbing. The girl is just sitting there; watching the board.
Well... No. Not the board, but rather, the "teacher" standing in front of it.
Sighing Ai casts her gaze around the room; a great number of students had their eyes trained on Ren, girls and boys alike, all starring. It makes her feel a twinge of something she can't place. It wasn't anger exactly, something less, an itch of irritation. They have no right...
She hadn't recognized it before, but so many of the eyes that gazed at him, were similar to the way in which, she herself, sometimes looked at him. She clenches her fists in her lap, feeling her face heat.
Stop acting foolish... She chastises herself, don't let what you have together be spoiled by work... She thought that she'd been doing a good job at that; separating her relationship with him from her job. Apparently, that's over now.
Disgusted with herself, she feels her mouth settle into a frown. Jealously, that was it, wormed its way through her mind. But why? She asks herself, you have no reason to be... He has eyes only for you, not for any of these people.
Was she worried for her position? That he would find someone that was beyond her?
Yes, in a way.
She's afraid of those adoring gazes, their expressions so open with longing, so much more knowledgeable, she presumes, then her; at least when referring to love and what came with it.
She isn't good at that, not usually anyways.
She has moments, where her shyness comes and it's too much; the feelings, the overwhelming cravings, all causing her to panic and shy away from too much touch. Then there were times when those feelings fade, and she's once again someone other than a young girl in love. She became something closer to that of a woman, a temptress of sorts; who wanted to test her boundaries, to see where they would lead.
She wants those two selves to collide, to coexist, and to combine. Both the nervous, curious girl and the woman, the creature who longed for more than just hands on her waste; the latter of which, she was still growing into.
It was all so irritatingly, unknown. All this fuss, on her part, and his hands hadn't even gone beneath her blouse, let alone below her waste… Her cheeks feel as though they were on fire, from embarrassment, desire or both she doesn't know.
You don't need to be scared... You trust him, don't you? Completely, but...
There were so many "buts."
But what if he got board of her, what if she was boring, what if she was never ready for anything beyond what they'd already done, what if she wasn't good at it, what if he laughed at her, what if he left her, what if... - ?
"Ojou." Ren's voice is near her ear, then a gentle hand atop her shoulder.
Sitting up, startled, opening her eyes, and almost knocking their heads together. Ai automatically reaches up to touch his cheek.
"Sorry." She whispers, concern evident. "Did I hurt you?"
A soft laugh "Hardly," He says "You fell asleep?" Now the concern was his to own.
"A little... More like lost in thought..." She lets her eyes drift slightly away from his intelligent gaze.
"Are you alright? You look... worried." He finished, a raised eyebrow, now complimented his expression.
Was she worried? At the moment, as she gazed up into his face once more, Ai doesn't feel as if she has a care in the world. Safe, so safe, is how she feels.
Focus... You are worried and scared, now tell him that. Nodding slightly, she lets out a sigh she hadn't known she'd been holding.
"I'm worried." She confirms; a swell of relief at the confession, filled her chest.
Glancing over at the closed sliding door of the classroom, Ren allows his gaze to fall on her once more. Crouching down, leaning against the desk, so that they were now eye to eye, he asks, tone serious.
"About?"
Ai wants nothing more than to confide in him, but not yet, not here. There would be students coming back for their next class, in just a few minutes or so. "Later." She says instead, and then raising, so that now he's looking up at her, the desk in between them, she adds. "I promise."
His gaze is weary with worry, but a gleam of mirth quieted the latter. "I'll hold you to that."
It took a great effort to make herself leave the room, to not allow herself to take his hand and just go. But she can't and couldn't. So she left, to finish her work.
It was later, maybe a day or so, when things were calm enough and he could feel confident that there would be no requests for the time being, when Ren finally tracks her down.
She isn't hard to find.
Curled in a small heap on the Tatami floor, seeming asleep, she seems to him, like the most beautiful thing. Hating to disturb her, but needing to know what she was on about the other day, he sits down beside her, gently leaning in to touch her shoulder.
"Ai..."
It was daytime in the mortal world, so if she didn't have a client to investigate, she could usually be found back at the eternal world, completely dead to the world. Her nights were spent answering clients, so she needed time during the wakeful hours, to sleep.
It took a minute or two, but eventually, with a sleepy sigh, she began to stir, then suddenly, eyes flashing open, looking momentary confused, her gaze is fast on him.
"Sorry to wake you." He apologizes, smiling a bit.
A slight shake of her head, is his only answer, as she sits up. Their faces ending up close together.
"Its fine," she replies, "I wasn't fully asleep anyways."
Nodding, he allows his gaze to move discreetly, down her form. He sees her hands, which pluck at her skirt; he takes in her downcast head, and shifting gaze. Why was she so nervous? Looking at her currently, he suspects that he won't get an answer, unless he makes the first move.
"Talk to me?" Ren says, the words both a prompt and a question. "Whatever it is, I'll listen." He grinned then, "You can't scare me off that easily."
She smile's slightly, but quickly allows it to fade. Opening her mouth, she tries to speak, but the words won't come. He looks more serious as he adds, "Really, no matter what it is, I'll be here for you. You don't need to worry."
The words send a spark of pleasure through her, but the uncertainty that quickly follows, makes her words finally come to the surface.
"I'm worried that I'm not good enough for you, for this…"
He looks ready to interrupt, but now that she's opened her mouth, nothing can stop the flood of words that pour like heavy rain fall, from her lips.
She tells him everything; in her slow, halting, sometimes unsure way. Ren wants to stop her, to tell her how wrong she is, but he stays quiet, letting her talk, just listening. Sometimes that's just what she needs, what was best for them both.
She's so uncertain sometimes, it frustrates him so, because she should be anything but, she's so wise and beautiful, no reason at all to feel insecure. He doesn't understand why she feels unworthy, because if anyone is undeserving, it's him. And as for the other stuff well...
It's a little while more, before her words cease and her head falls, too drained from so much talking, to go on. Taking her chin in his hand, he gently forces her eyes up to meet his once more.
"You're so wrong." He says, tone tinged with a kind of exasperated affection. She raises a delicate eyebrow, but his voice stops her from arguing. "You don't understand, people aren't with each other to be fake and perfect. You know that people aren't like that. People are with people, I'm with you, because you're you. I don't want anyone else. And I won't want anyone else" He looks away from her gaze as he says this, sheepish.
"Sure," he goes on, "you're right, that there are others who are less shy or who are more forward with affection or whatever else. But you need to know that I don't care about any of that. You're serious and cautious, and often fearful, but is that a bad thing? No. Am I annoyed by your caution? Of course not and I can see why you would feel the need to be so."
He didn't want to upset her, but he felt that his next words were needed, in order to get his point across. "You were… hurt by many people in the past; I can see why you'd be feeling somewhat anguish about, well, about all the things you mentioned."
Before opening up that can of worms though, he says, voice soft, "I love that you save your warmth, your softness, your emotions, for the people who you feel deserve them; like Mikage Yuzuki... and me. I can see why you'd be feeling as you do, but you need to know, that you have no reason to…"
He hopes that she understands what he's trying to say.
Her eyes are gentle, weary, and just slightly tinged with sadness. For the situation or because of the mention of her long dead Yuzuki, Ren can't tell. "And..." he continues, tone tender "You need to know, that I'm not going to get board of you, or rush you into anything that makes you uncomfortable. I would never do that to you."
Her hand comes to rest on his cheek, a shine that could be tears, filling her gaze. "You showed me... what happened to you. Ren speaks up again; trying to convey all of what he's thinking to her, "I can't imagine what that was like, how much..." his voice trails off, the meaning clear, in the quiet that surrounds them.
"I know…" She says, tone deep "I know you understand, it's me, it really is…" She pauses "I just get... worried." She finishes lamely, her mind failing to come up with anything better to say, so emotionally overwhelmed was she.
"I know, I know you do, but you have no reason to be." He smiles down at her, "You really should stop and look in the mirror sometimes, you really are beautiful and you don't even know it." He brings her face closer to his own. "But I can't read your mind; I need you to tell me these things, so that I can help you, and remind you, of how ridiculous you sound." Leaning forward he kisses her cheek, then forehead, a deep well of empathy filling him.
"You don't ever need to feel insecure or jealous… I belong to you, and that's how I'd like things to stay." He finished, tone kind.
Leaning in, Ai presses her lips to his, in a proper kiss. "Thank you." She whispered, as she carefully scooted into his lap, leaning her head against his shoulder.
"No need to thank me." He replies happily, as his arms moved to embrace her. "But, your welcome."
Sighing contentedly, Ai allows her eyes to close, sleep threatening to take her once more.
"Okay," she concedes, "I love you.'
"As I love you." He responds, tone quiet, "Get some sleep, I'll wake you if there's a request."
Nodding in assent, Ai snuggling closer to him, allows herself to be lulled to sleep, his heartbeat a melody, more beautiful to her, then the most stunning music. A feeling of relief and unrealized strength, causing her to smile gently, as she did so,
AN: Hope you enjoyed! I thought that this was an important point to bring up, I think in order for their relationship to grow, there needs to be that kind of communication. Especially, when referring to intimacy.
Let me know what you think! Reviews and feedback are very appreciated! Keeps my creativity going!
Until next update!
Mia