Chapter 38

But I wanna hold ya
Like it's June in the west end
Back when you were my best friend
Before love came to kill us. —Kill Us, Jessie Reyez

Bella

When Mr. Campbell assigned personal journals to the creative writing class, the opportunity to develop my writing skills while recording inner thoughts and creations for future reflection excited me. Each Monday, he would give us guidelines to follow but would let us choose the subject. The first week's assignment from him was a poem using any rhyme scheme pattern.

The first week's subject from me was Jacob.

We'd barely broken up two weeks ago. Still going through emotional difficulties, there was too much left unsaid between us for there to be any other subject on my mind. Add to it spells of regret, anger, and missing him, and I couldn't argue that I wasn't a pitiful mess. Again.

In the library, jotting down whatever popped into my Jacob-crowded mind during fourth period study hall, I felt satisfied with the results, but I was stressing about sharing my experiences with Mr. Campbell. So much so, I couldn't write my name on the page.

He wouldn't grade our papers. We were only handing them in for completion points. But he would read them and offer little critiques and writing tips. To give us freedom of expression, we understood that the writings in our personal journals were confidential. But allowing anyone a peek inside my head, inside my soul, frightened me to death, especially a male someone.

I focused on the paper laying before me, attempting to be brave in my truths and write as if nobody but me would ever see the words, when the energy of the library lifted and the quiet chatter increased. I raised my head to find our Port Angeles transfer student, Edward Cullen—aka, the new kid in town—had just entered the library and was speaking to the librarian.

Gazing at the horde of females who had their eyes on him, I thought how ridiculous they acted whenever he entered a room. There wasn't any mystery about how he achieved this level of instant popularity. He arrived in Forks just in time to fill Mike Newton's vacant position on the football field as quarterback, along with positions as one of the top dogs and male hotties of our school. You name it: cheerleaders, smart girls, popular girls, athletic girls, and girls with wild reputations all swooned at the slightest attention from him. He was, after all, fresh meat.

I let out a small grin because he even star-struck me the first time I came face to face with him. This was way before he ever appeared in Forks High's lonely corridors. It happened last Christmas holiday break, while on our Swan-Clearwater Port Angeles excursion, after the movie.

For our group's sake, I was doing my best to return to a cheerful place and not dwell on how Jacob dumped me without a word.

We left Seth and Jasper waiting for Emmett at the food court while Leah and I ducked into a boutique, so she could exchange a blouse she had bought Sue as a Christmas present. On our way inside, I spotted The Music Shop next door and decided to buy a new classical cd. Then, when the sun went down, and I was alone in my bedroom, I could wallow in despair as much as I wanted to and cry until the tears ran out again, with nobody being the wiser.

While Leah stood in the long customer service line, I meandered into the shop. It was disappointing to see it wasn't any less crowded with holiday shoppers than the boutique. Preoccupied with memories and brooding, I wasn't paying attention to anyone or anything, so as I skirted around a shelf, I banged my thigh hard against its corner. Ouch! I grabbed for the pain, stumbled backward, and bumped into a standing cd rack, knocking several cds onto the floor. I bent down, feeling as if all eyes were on me. Embarrassed, I tried to gather them, frantic and blushing. I may as well have had my hands creamed in butter, because I couldn't get a grip on any of the cases. They jumped out of my hands with minds of their own, working effectively not to get caught.

"Here, let me help you with that," a poised male voice said. A body kneeled beside me, reaching strong steady hands into the pile of plastic I fumbled through, which helped me gain control of my embarrassed self. I peered up through my hair, and the warmest, deep sea-green eyes I ever had the pleasure of falling into met my sight. I smoothed my hair behind my ear to see him better. He smiled crookedly, causing a slight stuttering inside of my chest.

I gasped; Jacob was the only person who had ever elicited involuntary responses like that from me. How crazy was that? I couldn't help but feel excited it was even possible.

Together, we gathered the cds in silence and slid them into the slots of the rack. "Is there something I can you help you find?" he asked.

"Sure. I was looking for Halina Czerny-Stefańska Chopin."

He grinned. "Right this way."

As we headed to a tiny one-row section at the back of the store, I gaped at his broad shoulders and very awe-inspiring physique—a physique that screamed out "mega athlete." I didn't even attempt not to stare at the display of muscles visible beneath the fitted fabric of his blue V-neck shirt. Sleeves pushed up to the crook of his elbows and wearing dark-beige twill jeans, confidence exuded from him and his sense of style.

He flipped through the cds, turned to me, and said, "Sorry. It doesn't look like they have it. Um... I'd recommend this." He tugged out a Debussy Greatest Compilation cd. "If you don't already have it."

I grinned, taking another dip in the green sea of his eyes as I took hold of his recommendation. "Thanks for the suggestion."

"Edward." A female voice sang out from across the store. He gazed over my shoulder, and I turned my head toward the voice. A beautiful blonde woman standing by the register gestured him over to her. She was classic early Audrey Hepburn gorgeous, less Audrey's dark mane, that is.

"Glad I could be of help." He moved a step back and waved to the blonde.

"Your boss?"

He laughed. "Well, that's a matter of opinion. She's actually my girlfriend."

I dropped my eyes below his collarbone, realizing he wasn't wearing a nametag. "You mean, you don't work here?"

"No. Just trying to help a girl in distress."

"Edward," the soft voice played again, but this time with impatience.

Now that I knew she was his girlfriend, she appeared younger. I figured them to be at least nineteen or twenty.

"Got to go. She can be rather bossy." He winked, then glided with smoothness toward the blonde siren, passing Leah's gawking eyes and gaping mouth.

"Thank you!" I called out after him. He turned back, nodding with a smile.

Leah said, "Whoa! Who was that?"

"Just a nice guy." I wandered after him with my gaze as he left the store.

I never expected I would ever set eyes on him again. Not in Forks and certainly not in my school. After seeing him again, though, I realized he didn't look older at all. It was just the sophisticated way he carried himself during the circumstance we met that caused my miscalculation.

Emerging from my daydream, I recalled the words Leah had said that day. "Wouldn't you just love to have a guy like that?"

It mortified me to grasp I'd been staring, and probably with a goofy look on my face. It mortified me even more to see him staring back. Thinking he was about to smile at me, I broke eye contact and buried my attention into my project. I wasn't at all interested in becoming another Edward Cullen groupie, regardless of how handsome or fresh he was to our small town.