Friday 26th February 1982
17:00
Chaos. That was the only way to describe what had happened at the end. Chaos and confusion. Everything was a blur and spinning and too bright. It was too bright. Marlene tried to regain some control over herself. Over the situation. Deep breaths. Duck the spell fire. Focus. Focus. Focus. She could do this. Even though the air was smoky with debris and spells and Merlin knows what else. She had to focus and get the job done and get out of here alive. It was loud. Very loud. So loud.
And then there was silence. Everything was over and her ears were ringing. It was somehow louder than all the fighting and shouting. Why was it louder? That didn't make any sense.
There had been blood. At least, she had been pretty sure there had been blood. Blood was red. She had seen a lot of red. And she didn't know if it had been from her or Moody or the Death Eater who thought it was an excellent idea to fight back. She wasn't in pain so maybe it wasn't her. She didn't think she was in pain. But everything was weird and she was working on autopilot so she wasn't completely aware of what was going on. All she knew is that she had to get her and Moody to safety and she had to do it now.
She was scrambling around and there groaning and moaning and she didn't know where it was coming from. There were people emerging from the debris of the collapsed side of a building. People who hadn't managed to get away when the fighting had started. Innocent people. People who she and Moody had been trying to clear but the stupid Death Eater had opened fire too soon. Too soon. And then there was fighting, they had been put on the defensive too quickly and were nearly backed introns corner. It was only because a Death Eater literally tripped that they got an opening to go on the offensive.
Blood. Flying wood. Shattering glass. More blood. Something stung her arm and there was a ripping noise. More fighting. They got the upper hand.
Then there were hands pushing her from the front so she tried to fight back.
"Auror McKinnon! Auror McKinnon!"
Wait, what? Bad guys didn't use her title.
Bad guys would have hurt her by now and she wasn't being hurt. Wasn't being attacked. She inhaled sharply and she didn't smell the dustiness of the street or feel the grit at the back of her throat. There was nothing of the sort. It smelled too clear. Too clean. Clean. Yes, it smelled of cleaning potions and charms. That kind of antiseptic smell. And it was white around her. Very white. Sterile white. Like a hospital. She was in a hospital.
Then she took in her surroundings properly. She was in St Mungo's. Because that's where they transported too at the end of... at the end of whatever the hell that had been.
A Healer was looking at her. Why was he looking at her?
"Are you sure you're okay, Auror McKinnon?" He asked.
"I'm fine. I'm fine."
Actually, she wasn't sure what she was but she didn't want anyone to pester her. The man, thankfully, nodded curtly.
"Evans, make sure that she's not concussed and run another diagnostic."
It was only then that she realised that Chryssie was also standing there in her Trainee Healer robes. Before Marlene could refuse anything, Chryssie did as she was told and nodded at the results.
"No concussion."
"Great. What's going on? Where's Moody?"
"Marlene, go home," Chryssie said quietly.
"But-" Marlene craned her neck to see if she could see where Moody was.
Chryssie pushed her back, shaking her head.
"You're no good to anyone here. You're all fixed up. Go home. Get some rest."
"But Moody-"
"Has the best people looking after him. You can't do anything anymore. You've done your part, let us do ours. We don't need the corridors full of Aurors that are fine. There isn't enough space"
Marlene opened and closed her mouth and then swallowed heavily before nodding her acquiescence. She turned to leave and then stopped, looking back.
"Let me know when he's awake."
Chryssie nodded. "I will. Now Go!"
She knew better than to argue with her in that mood so she did as she was told.
Monday 1st March 1982
Marauder Apartment, 15:30
"Daddy," Cassie said, reaching for the picture.
Marlene chuckled, thinking that it was yet another biker picture or something like that. Cassie seemed to think that any man with log, dark hair was Sirius. And motorcycle magazines tended to have a lot of men like that. And Sirius had a lot of those magazines. Magazines that Marlene had left out - not able to get rid of them or put them away. Because what should she do? Get rid of them or put them away? Was Sirius going to come back? Was he going to-
Why did she keep doing this to herself? She knew nothing came from it except circular questions and increasingly depressing thoughts. She was supposed to keep them from her mind and plough on with her life. Because nothing was going to change in the foreseeable future, there was nothing she could do. A d she couldn't speculate because that never did her any good. Busy. She was supposed to keep busy.
Yet Marlene found herself blinking back tears and then furiously rubbed them away with the back of her hand when that didn't work. Urgh, she hated that that made her cry. She should be better than this. Stronger. She didn't want to worry Cassie. Cassie was sweet and innocent and her baby and she wanted to keep her that way.
She had honestly thought that Cassie was starting to forget about Sirius. She had only been fifteen months when he... when everything happened. Fifteen-month-olds didn't remember much, did they? Sure, she had asked about him at first. Looked for him as well because she thought he was at work. And yes, she and Sirius had worked weird hours but they always came home. Cassie expected them to come home. And Sirius hadn't come home yet. Marlene scrubbed at her face with her free hand but she wasn't quick enough.
Cassie touched her face. "Tears. Mama sad?"
"Just a little bit, baby," Marlene reassured her, holding her even closer, breathing in the smell of her shampoo.
She held up the picture Cassie had been trying to grab, angling it so she didn't see it again and start to cry. It wasn't even a good picture of Sirius. It was slightly blurry and he wasn't the only person in the photo. In fact, he was behind James in it, pulling a funny face. Marlene wasn't sure why but both of them were laughing. She definitely didn't feel like laughing now.
Rubbing a hand over her face, she shook her head, this wasn't helping. She was supposed to be here, keeping herself distracted from Moody and whatever was happening to him. She didn't know what was happening to him. Blood. Merlin, there was so much blood. And no one was telling her anything. There had been no update. And the Healers wouldn't tell her anything because they weren't family and she was stressing out and-
"Want daddy."
"Daddy's not here."
"Go to daddy."
Why was Cassie being so stubborn about this? Why couldn't she just accept the word no? Oh, that's right she was the blend of a McKinnon and a Black. Not to mention that she was a toddler. She was never going to understand the word no.
"You can't see him."
"Want daddy! Now!"
Toddlers really were demanding, little things.
"No, sweetie, you can't have daddy right now."
Calm and gentle, that's how she was supposed to be. Not gasping for breath as it felt like her heart was getting squeezed. That's what Cassie was making her feel like right now. Distract, distract, she needed to distract Cassie right now. Make her think of something else other than Sirius.
"Want to play with bubbles," she said temptingly, that always distracted her.
Her bottom lip trembled dangerously.
"Want daddy!"
Not today, apparently. Dammit.
"Daddy isn't here."
Then the wails started. It wasn't even crying, she wasn't sad. This was, angry wails. Furious ones. Marlene didn't even want to call it a tantrum because it wasn't, not really. She was sad. Heartbroken. That's why she was wailing.
Saturday 6th March 1982
Potions Lab, 14:30
Severus cursed loudly as he tore himself away from the microscope. It didn't work! Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! He had been so sure that that was going to work. But it didn't. It didn't work. Why was it not doing what he wanted it to? Cursing under his breath, he ran back over everything in his mind. He had done exactly what he had wanted to. Followed his steps. His very well researched and thought-out steps. He had done all the risk assessment. It should have been fine. It should have done something. Except it didn't. Well, it did. It was just wrong.
He turned his back on his work, knowing that if he even looked at it right now, he would want to sweep it all to the floor and destroy it. Which he couldn't do. Just because something didn't work doesn't mean it's not worth anything. In fact, it would be incredibly valuable. Information, even when it wasn't the information you wanted, was always valuable.
That didn't stop the exasperation or the annoyance from coursing through his veins. It did give him the strength to walk away from his work and take some deep breaths.
It wasn't fair! He wanted this to work. He needed this to work. Remus needed this to work. So many other people needed this to work. And it wasn't. It wasn't!
He was finally doing this again. Finally focusing on it. He now had the time! So, why wasn't he progressing?
Thursday 11th March 1982
Remus and Dora's Flat, 07:00
Remus staggered into the kitchen and promptly threw up. Violently. As in, it splattered off everything due to the sheer force that it left his mouth. At least he had made it to the kitchen was his last thought as he threw up again, in the sink this time. That first time, he might not have made it to the sink but on tiled floor was better than on carpet. He shuddered at the memory. Anything was better than the carpet. Even having magic didn't make carpet cleaning easy.
With hands on either side of the sink, he kept himself leaning over it, waiting for it to be over. There were a few more lurches, a bit more retching but thankfully nothing else came up. Finally, his stomach was empty. Ha. He knew barely eating anything last night would help.
He eventually felt safe enough to move away from the kitchen and sat heavily down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. His shaking hands. Why were his hands shaking so much? And his vision was all weird. A bit blurry but still sensitive to light. He'd kept the curtains pulled over but that had only helped a little.
Never before had the full moon been this bad. Never. That. That had been a very bad one. And some full moons had been rough. Really rough. But none of those could hold a candle to what he was feeling right now.
Eurgh. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He needed something else to think about. The sink. Je was going to have to clean the sink. And drink some water. Staying hydrated was a must. Yeah. A nice glass of water. Lukewarm though. Cold water would just irritate his stomach more, he knew that from unpleasant experience.
He couldn't tell Dora about this. He couldn't. He couldn't. There was no way. She would... she would just worry. Not want him to be alone. Be distracted at work. He couldn't have that happen. He wouldn't.
But he also couldn't hide things from her. That was the cause of all their original problems, after all. No communication.
He could tell her that last night was bad. She would be able to guess that anyway, he was not going to look great by the time she came home anyone, no matter how many crashing charms he used on himself nor how many showers he took. She just didn't have to know how bad. Right?
Monday 15th March 1982
Auror Department, 12:30
Kingsley frowned as he walked away. He probably should have done or said something about what he had just heard but he didn't even know where to start. Except maybe punch them but he was outnumbered and they were definitely the type of people who would punch back. And he did not want to be punched. He didn't think anyone would want to be punched.
But still, they shouldn't just get away with saying things like that. It was awful and horrid and all in all not true. And he liked to think that Marlene was his friend and you had to defend your friends, right? You did. That was what you were supposed to do.
This is what he got for being a Ravenclaw instead of a Gryffindor. You are more likely to think things through. Not always, but more likely. And definitely more than a Gryffindor. Not that that took much. He shook his head. No. He wasn't going to get side-tracked. Not this time.
But he couldn't punch the man no matter how much he wanted to. That was a quick way of getting fired.
You know what? He needed to get out of here. Now. Out, away from all the negativity and stifling paperwork. It was lunchtime so no one would question him leaving.
Normally he stayed in for lunch but you didn't have to, unless you were a Trainee or first year Auror (when you were at everyone's beck and call so you didn't have time to leave the building). And he was neither of those things. So, he left and almost as soon as he got to Diagon, he crashed into someone, sending them both sprawling.
"Oh, sorry," he apologised, he really had to start paying attention to where he was going, one of these days he was going to injure someone or himself. "Let me help you pick all this up."
"No, it's fine, I have it. I wasn't looking where I was-"
"Elsie?" Kingsley interrupted upon seeing the woman's face.
"Kingsley?"
Both of them said there in shock. He didn't know what he was supposed to do in this sort of situation. Elsie had made it quite clear that she didn't want to talk to him or Frank ever again. So, did that mean he didn't say anything? Just walk away?
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Um," he scratched the back of his head. "How are you?"
"Fine. You?"
She didn't sound like she cared but he answered anyway. "Good."
And then there was that stupid, awkward silence again. He hated silence like this.
She coughed awkwardly. "Um, how's Frank?"
"Don't know. Hasn't returned to work."
Being in hiding tended to prevent that.
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah."
"Is he... is he okay?"
Kingsley shrugged. "I don't know. He's not in contact with anyone. For his safety."
"Safety?"
"Yeah, there had been threats against his family, you know."
That was common knowledge by now, he had thought. Why else would Frank not have returned to work?
"But the war's over. Everything is safe now," Elsie said, confused.
Kingsley just shrugged at that. He couldn't say anything to a civilian, being an Auror and all, but it wasn't safe. Not completely. Death Eaters were still on the run. In hiding. They hadn't tracked them all down yet. Especially the most dangerous ones who were hard to track down, never mind flush out. They weren't having a lot of success in that area. Even Moody's brief triumph had unfortunately not lasted long. But, again, she was a civilian and didn't need to know such things.
"How about you? Are you still working at your grandmother's shop?"
He hadn't been round that way in a while so he hadn't seen her even through the shop window.
Elsie gave a curt nod. "Yes, pretty much running it these days. Gran's eyesight isn't that good now."
"Oh," what were you supposed to say to that? "How are you finding it?"
"Busy. Hard work."
"You have your sisters to help out, don't you?"
Elsie grimaced and shrugged.
"Don't you?" He pressed.
From what he remembered, all of them worked together. Some more reluctantly than others - she always used to complain about one that always moaned - but still, they worked together.
She suddenly went on the defensive. "Why do you care?"
"I was just asking."
"Well, don't."
Kingsley blinked in confusion. "Okay. Sorry."
She snorted at that. Like she didn't believe him. Shrugged her bag onto the opposite shoulder she l9oked at him expectantly.
Kingsley knew he wasn't the best at social cues but even he knew that this was a painful interaction. An interaction that he didn't want to be a part of anymore but he didn't know how to excuse himself.
"I better head back to work," he mumbled, turning around. "See you around?"
"I hope not," she sniffed and stomped away.
He watched her go down the street until she was out of sight. He was pretty sure that wasn't the way she was supposed to be going and she only wanted to get away. Get away from him.
Which was a shame because Elsie had once been a friend. A good friend. Maybe even a best friend? And now, well, now she wasn't. All in the space of a few years. Which was crazy, when you thought about it. And sad. He missed having Elsie as a friend. He missed Hogwarts. Being a grown up was hard.