AN: Hey everyone, here we are with a new update. Since I want to get this part of the story done as well as finish off Imp On Fire's first book (2 chapters left) my focus will be on these two fics until Imp Of Fire's first book is done and I've done the Dark Memory part for Healing BLitzo. So My Princess (Only on A03) and Starlight Wings will be on hold. Helluva Reaction will continue and as for Our LIfe I'll try to get something done for it. And me and CrackedInkWell are working on part 4 of Episode 5 of Leave It To Heaven
Disclaimer: I do not own Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel. Rachmiel is my OC.
More than once, Blitzo was asked if he was sure he was ready for this. Truth be told, he wasn't sure himself. Regardless, he knew that it had to be done. If healing him meant confronting the darkest memories of his past, then so be it. He figured it made sense with the first one that started it all, the moment in his life where everything went downhill.
Losing his family is what made him into a killer, which made him eventually find Zella, which then made him lose her and then become what he is today.
Seeing his family in his memories was hard. Harder than he imagined. He only saw them in nightmares or moments of flashbacks. Not counting the Nightmare Parasite that practically raped his mind over and over. He could still remember all of those nightmares that it forced him to be submitted to until it finally got out of his brain. The numerous times he saw those he loved dying while insulting them. He still tried to save them even after knowing it was all an illusion and the outcome was always the same.
And he failed again and again.
It was funny. When he learned to be an assassin all those years ago, he was told never to open his heart to anything. An assassin who cares is a dead assassin. However, that was always Blitzo's weakness. He cared too much, and it affected him. For all his faults, mistakes, and actions, there was one thing he always held, and that was love for them all.
Those who he lost.
Those who he hurt.
And those who were still here for him.
"Come on, Blitzy," Stolas said as the Prince held a fork of eggs close to his lover's mouth. "You need your strength. Rachmiel said that this was going to be a time-consuming moment. Your body needs its nutrients."
"I know," Blitzo said as he opened his mouth and took a bite. There was still plenty of food for him to eat on the table, but he was too nervous to think about it. It wasn't that Blitzo didn't know what he was going to see that made him so nervous; it was just seeing in front of him so vividly again.
Even if the feeling and bits of memory were fresh, the entire sequence of events was not as clear as day. It had been about nearly a hundred years since he lost his family, and he tried to push it back as much as possible. But so many things you never forget.
He slowly took some bacon and began to eat it as he looked across from him, where Loona was nervously nibbling on some toast. "Are you sure you want to do it today? If you're not feeling good..."
"No, Loona. I want to do it. I'm ready to barf, but I gotta think of it like going to a dentist. You hate it, but you gotta do it," Blitzo joked as he bit into another bacon stripe, but it barely tasted like anything.
None of the others were saying anything, either. Octavia was doing her best to keep Loona calm by stroking her tail. Blitzo really was glad they had become such good friends. If things between and Stolas really went well, they could be legit sisters. Millie and Moxxie held hands while staring at him with worry that moved him. If there was one good thing about all that had happened in the past forty-eight hours, it was that his favorite M&M couple was back to being a couple. Yes, they had Moxxie's terrorist brother after them, and Millie had essentially disowned her family because of their dickish behavior. But Blitzo was willing to take any positives to help calm himself.
He had to remember that this was all for the greater good of getting him better. Everyone had worked hard to help him, so he also had to do his part. To face the tragedies in his life that were holding him back and slowly breaking him. Besides, he didn't want to be a burden anymore. Especially in another fight now that they had a new enemy: Moxxie's brother. Chances are he had gathered remnants of the I.R.A. into his fold, and Blitzo knew from past contracts how dangerous those fuckers could be.
I kinda wonder what would happen if Moxxie and I ever fought each other before he turned traitor? Blitzo thought as he thought of the idea of fighting a fully radicalized genetically cloned killer. Bet it would be the match of the century.
Sighing, Blitzo got up and stretched his arms. "I'm going to take a bath. Try to relax for this."
"Don't you want more food?" Stolas asked.
"I think I'm good," Blitzo said as he made his way out with the others, silent and worried.
"...I really wish we could be there with him," Loona grumbled as she folded her arms.
"You heard what Rachmiel said. He has to do this alone," Millie said with a shake of her head.
"But still..."
"Loona, he's gotten this far. He'll be fine," Octavia said, putting her hand on her shoulder.
Rachmiel soon arrived and got their attention. "The glyphs just need an hour to charge, and then we should be good."
"Are you sure that there is nothing else you will acquire for this? How long will it take?" Stolas asked.
"It will take a while. This is a big memory, and Blitzo needs to see it to the end. Any interruption or even ending it mid-way will cause a backlash. The entire memory needs to be seen to make the simulacrum to have Blitz confront his memory in a safe space," Rachmiel answered as he frowned and got serious. "This is going to be a serious and emotional experience. So when it's over, Blitz is going to need you. All of you."
Everyone nodded in agreement before Loona got up and said to the angel, "Walk with me. Now."
Rachmiel blinked in surprise but nodded before following Loona out of the dining room. They walked for a while until they were alone in the hall, to which she slammed him against the wall and glared.
"Listen closely, Feathers. I don't like you. Not just because you groped my tits and not just because you are an angel. I don't know. You're not part of the pack. You're a stranger, and I have no choice but to place my faith in you because you're the only one who can help my Dad. I have nearly lost him more times than I wished, and I worry every day that I'm going to see him gone for food," Loona warned with a growl as Rachamiel gulped. "My Dad better come back from this in one piece, or I will send you back to Heaven in not just one box but multiple."
Rachmiel stared at her before nodding. "I promise. I will."
"Good," Loona said before letting go and began to walk away.
"You really are a good daughter." She paused and turned around to look at him, smiling at her. "I mean it. The fact that you show so much love for him proves what I have been suspecting for a while."
"What's that?" Loona asked with her eyebrow raised.
"That deep down? You're a good person?"
Loona blinked in surprise before snorting and turning away. "Fuck no. I've done a lot of terrible shit, Feathers. I'm far from being perfect."
"Just because you've done bad things doesn't mean you don't have good in you," Rachmiel pointed out.
"Whatever," Loona said as she hurried down the hall. She tried to ignore what Rachmiel said, but once she was far enough, she looked at her paw. "Me? Good?"
Yeah, right."
...Right?
After getting one last hug from everyone, Blitzo entered the room and sat in his usual place, where Rachmiel placed all the runes on his back. He gripped his hands, and his tail whipped back and forth as his nerves felt ready to launch. He had never been a praying type of Imp before, but at this point, he was willing to wish to anyone or anything that he could go through this.
Rachmiel finished before putting his hands on his shoulders. "Scared?"
"Yeah," Blitzo answered as he figured it was pointless to hide it.
"Don't worry. I'll be right there with you," Rachmiel whispered as he began to whisper in Enochian.
Blitzo closed his eyes and tried his best to relax as he felt himself again entering his soul. He felt like a wave of cold water was splashing over his entire body before he opened them and found himself back inside the black void, with his memories scattered about in the darkness. Rachmiel was already beside him as the two stood together on the stone platform, holding them up.
"So, anything I should know before we do this? Or is it going to be like the others?" Blitzo asked.
"Mostly the same, but there is one thing," Rachmiel said as he looked at Blitzo with avian eyes. "No matter what happens, we cannot quit. I can pause the memory, but we will not leave it. You have to see it to the end. No matter how much you plead, beg, or threaten, I will not stop."
Blitzo opened his mouth to argue but stopped himself. He figured this was going to be the case. Even though a part of him wanted to argue, he wasn't going to stop. He knew himself. He had been running from this memory for years. Chances are he would try to stop it just as it got started or even to the worst part. "I...I understand."
"Then let's do it."
Blitzo nodded and concentrated on thinking of the memory of that day. He didn't need to think hard as it all but zoomed over to him, and he winced upon feeling its aura. The black and sickly green-coated memory was whispering to him dark thoughts. Thoughts that had been plaguing him for so long. Rachmiel was already placing a white shield around it to keep the voices down again as Blitzo looked at it.
"Whenever you're ready."
Blitzo nodded his head, but he didn't move his hands once. This was it. This moment would force him to face the day he had hated all his life. The day that broke him, and a part of him never recovered. Blitzo wondered what would have happened if it never occurred. Would his family be alive? Would he and Fizzarolli still be a couple? Would he still live his life as a performer instead of an assassin? Would he have ever met all the others in his life who came from that, including the ones he currently sees as his family?
It didn't matter. Because it was never going to happen. What happened that day was now before him again, and he had to dive in and confront it. With great hesitation, dryness in the mouth, and feeling ready to shit him...he raised his arms and touched it.
In an instant, he felt himself being sucked into it and closed his eyes.
Blitzo opened his eyes and found himself back at his old circus. You would think that a horrible memory like this would start depressing, but it was a sunny day. The entire circus seemed relaxed, with the entertainers going around and saying hi, and some were beginning to pack up equipment and gear. Others were playing cards or drinking or doing both. A few of the younger Imps were running around in a game of tag while tents were being put down and wagons loaded. The area they were in was a large clearing not far from the Pentagram City in the year 1918, back before it became a shithole. Well, more so than it was before.
"Uh, a bit unexpected," Rachmiel said as he stood beside Blitzo. "Looks like everyone is packing to leave today."
"Nah, whenever we pack up, we always leave in the morning of the next day. Getting everything down and storing it takes most of a day's work, so by the time it's over, we're dead tired," Blitzo explained. "This must have been the day after our last show."
"So where are you?" Rachmiel asked.
"...I think I know where," Blitzo chuckled as he spotted his sister, Barbie Wire, looking around. She was eighteen now, a full-grown woman who had more of their father's looks than their mother's. She wore her trapeze act clothing without makeup to hide her annoyance.
The two watchers followed her as she continued to look around until she spotted one set of crates conveniently close together with a ten tarp covering it. Rolling her eyes, she walked over to the tarp and lifted it up, revealing an eighteen-year-old Younger Blitzo and Fizzarolli, in their performance clothing, making out. They paused before noticing that Barbie Wire was staring at them before Younger Blitzo put a hand on their hips. "Uh, do you mind?"
"Yeah, I mind because I'm not going to be putting our wagon together by myself while you're here playing kissy face with your boyfriend," Barbie Wire said as she folded her arms. "So get your red ass back home so we can get this done before chow time."
"Ugh, fine," Younger Blitzo muttered as he rolled his eyes as the two got up. "We just wanted some private time since the Ringmaster's got Fizz here working up a storm every night."
"What can I say? My act is a killer. Literally. That one guy laughed so hard he died," Fizzarolli chuckled. "At least he died with a smile on his face."
"You can flirt later. Now let's go," Barbie Wire said as she motioned Younger Blitzo to follow her. After kissing his boyfriend one last time, Younger Blitzo did so, as did Present Blitzo and Rachmiel.
"Least you didn't find us naked and humping," Younger Blitzo joked as Barbie Wire gagged. "Yeah, that would have been awkward."
"More like gross. I do not want to see my brother's dick fucking my friend, thank you," Barbie Wire said before turning to him. "So what's this I hear about you and Fizz thinking of going out on your own?"
"Oh, heard about that?" Younger Blitzo sighed. "Well, Fizz is thinking about us doing private shows. He got a lot of offers in Pentagram City ever since we stopped here for our summer tour. He and I have talked about it, but nothing is solid."
"You really want to leave?" Barbie Wire said in surprise and a bit saddened. "But... we're all here."
"I know, and I'm not sure," Younger Blitzo sighed as he rubbed his arm. "I mean, you know, I've always wanted to try and do more. Be bigger and such. Plus, Fizz and I make a good team. Hell, Fizz is so good he can go solo. But...I don't want to leave you, Tillie, and Dad...And I know you don't want to leave. You love it here too much..."
Barbie Wire looked down for a moment before smiling warmly. "You know? I think you should try?"
"Really?" Younger Blitzo asked in surprise.
"Yeah. Dad, Sis, and I can hold the trapeze act. Besides, you've always wanted to spread your wings out," Barbie Wire said before touching his shoulder. "Just remember to come visit?"
Younger Blitzo smiled as he touched her hand and nodded. "Yeah, of course."
"Great, but I would keep it a secret until the summer ends. Busy season and all," Barbie Wire suggested as the twins continued to walk through the circus.
"...She always supported me," Blitzo whispered upon seeing his sister encouraging him to follow his dream. He softly smiled. "You know, I kinda did end up finding success on my own...just not as a performer."
"Reminds me of how my brother was worried about our parents reacting when he wanted to go into the Army instead of being a healer like our family," Rachmiel said with a chuckle. "I told him, healer or fighter, he was still my brother and I'll always have his back."
The twins were about to return to their traveling home when Younger Blitzo paused upon seeing someone. Blitzo knew who it was and growled as he clenched his teeth before gazing over to where he was looking while Rachmiel was confused. Walking through the circus camp was a lizard-looking demon with dark green scales, sharp yellow eyes, and sharp grey horns on his side. He had a grey underbelly and was dressed in a sharp white gangster suit that one would think he was Al Capone reborn. He wasn't the tallest demon out there, but he was certainly a firm looking one by his body build. He smoked a cigar and walked around as if he owned this land. Surrounding him were other lizard demon gangsters, all tall, looking serious, and most likely packing heat. Anyone who saw them quickly got out of their way and turned around.
"Him..." Blitzo spoke in pure, utter hatred and anger. Even a hundred years after killing the bastard, he hated this demon. No demon in the entire existence of his life earned more hatred in his heart than him.
"Whose that?" Rachmiel asked.
"...Don Ziggler," Blitzo spoke with utter spite.
The twins, meanwhile, looked at each other, confused when they saw him. Barbie Wire asked, "Who do you think he is? Some kind of businessman?"
"I don't know. I got a bad feeling," Younger Blitzo said before hurrying to follow. His sister looked ready to stop him but moaned and soon joined him as the memory forced their watchers to follow as well.
They followed him until they spotted him going to the Ringmaster's tent where they waited outside to listen in. Blitzo and Rachmiel were right behind him. Blitzo growled and summoned a machine gun with his mind. He looked ready to go inside before Rachamiel stopped him. "You know that's not going to do anything. This is a memory. Not the actual past. Nothing will change it."
"I don't care!" Blitzo shouted as he turned to the angel. "You have no idea what that asshole did to me! What he did to all of us! It's because of him I...I..."
Blitzo lowered his head with fury and tears while a conversation was heard inside.
"For the last time, Don Ziggler! I am not going to be paying you a damn cent! We've always used this area for our circus and nobody has ever demanded we pay a tribute for using it!" The Ringmaster's voice echoed from the tent. "What makes you so special?!"
"What makes me special is that this local area is where I recently acquired some land. Now, I let you set up shop here and entertain the kids. Who doesn't like seeing clowns making the little one laugh? But life isn't free and cheap. It takes...effort to make what I own safe and sound. If I just let anyone walk in and do whatever they want, it makes me look like a chump," The voice of Don Ziggler said. "Besides, think of this as a partnership. I could make your circus big around here for a certain contribution. Send out advertisements, get word around, make sure any competing ones don't get any funny ideas. Could make it worth your while."
The twins looked at each other with uncertainty and worry as they realized that their Ringmaster was talking to a crime lord—probably an Overlord, by the sounds of it—one who wanted to exploit them for his own purposes.
"And I'm not going to let my family's circus, which has been around for four generations, be used by a criminal. We will leave this place and return next year like we always have. You are going to leave with your deal and never come back," The Ringmaster said.
"...Is that your final offer?" Don Ziggler asked as a warning tone made the twins gulp.
"Yes. Now get out."
A few seconds later, Don Ziggler left his tent with his men. He looked around and slowly observed the area with his cold eyes as he puffed his cigar. He then noticed the twins, who froze upon being spotted, but he just scoffed and turned before walking away. That wasn't before a hail of bullets was fired at him that went right through him and caused no damage.
Blitzo grumbled and threw the machine gun down as Rachmiel shook his head.
"...I have a bad feeling about that guy," Barbie Wire said to Younger Blitzo, who seemed to agree. "Let's go tell, Father."
The twins got up and hurried their way as Bltizo closed his eyes and clenched his head. Rachmiel looked at the direction Don Ziggler was going, and he sighed. "He's going to attack the circus, isn't he?"
"No shit, Sherlock," Blitzo growled. "Don Ziggler never takes no for an answer. You either agree with him or get a bullet in the face."
"You sound like you know him personally?" Rachmiel asked.
"Of course I do," Blitzo muttered as he lowered his head. "I worked for him and later secretly married his daughter."
Rachmiel's jaw dropped. "T-T-That guy's daughter was your wife?! Zella's father?! But why did-"
"Can we get through my past one moment at a time?" Blitzo growled before he noticed the memory was warping. "Now what?"
"We're going ahead," Rachmiel said as the area began to change shape and colors as if transitioning from one movie scene to another. "Your memory is focusing on the next important part in all this."
It soon warped them to a very familiar place. A place that Blitzo once knew as home. Being part of the circus, you were always on the go, and as such, many lived in traveling wagons. Blitzo's family was no different. A big red one with wheels on it that was pulled by demonic horses. Inside, there was one big room filled with beds, storage for their equipment, a small kitchen, and a living room. Personal space didn't exist and what few accommodations they had such a radio had to be shared. They didn't even have indoor plumbing. And yet, this was Blitzo's entire childhood and where he had grown up.
Blitzo slowly walked around and stared at the old home he had known for eighteen years. The photos showed their family as the years went by. The grease stains by the stove never seemed to get washed out. He shared the bunk bed with his sisters while their father slept on his own. His older sister's favorite bear, Mr. Fuzzles, was perfectly groomed on her pillow. The smell was even the same.
He slowly touched a part of the wall with markings on it. Each name had a year to show how tall each child had gotten.
A tear dropped down Blitzo's cheek as he closed his eyes and let out a choke. He missed this so much. He missed his home. He missed his family. He missed...He missed being innocent until this day...this horrible fucking day.
"I can't...I can't..." Rachmiel then put a hand on him.
"You can."
Blitzo didn't think he could, but it didn't matter.
He had to try.
He heard the door open and saw his family walk in with his younger self. Both he and Rachmiel stayed silent as the twins finished their story. "...and that's when we saw him stare at us before he walked away," Younger Blitzo finished.
Tilla looked worried as she held a hand to her chest and looked terrified at the idea of the Overlord mafia boss doing something in retaliation. Meanwhile, their father sat on a nearby seat with his arms crossed, looking in deep thought. Nobody said anything for a long time, and their home was as quiet as a graveyard. Finally, their father spoke with a serious expression. "Tillie. Barbie. Blitzo. I want you to pack what you can and get ready to leave tonight."
"Tonight?" Tillie said in surprise. "But we're supposed to leave with everyone at dawn."
"We're not going to wait that long," He said as he got up and looked at his kids. "If anyone asks, we're going to check the next camping spot ahead of time. In reality, we're leaving."
"Wait," Barbie Wire's eyes widened. "L-L-Leaving? As in...leaving everyone behind?"
"Yes."
In an instant, his children were screaming at him.
"We can't just leave everyone! This is our home!"
"Dad, are you crazy?! Where are we supposed to go?!"
"What about our friends?! And Fizz! I can't just leave him!"
"QUIET!"
In an instant, they were silenced.
"I know people like Don Ziggler. They do not like being snubbed like this. They will come after the circus just to make a point. As of now, our Ringmaster has put the entire circus in danger. We're now in crosshairs and my job, as your father, is to get you out of here alive. That is what I promised your mother before she died. That I would take care of all of you," Blitzo's Father said as he looked out the window to see if anyone else was watching.
"So we're going to abandon everyone we love to save our own asses?!" Younger Blitzo shouted in disgust and hatred. "Why can't we just warn everyone?!"
"Did the Ringmaster say anything to anyone soon after he was confronted? Did he call a meeting or spread the word that we are in danger?" Neither Blitzo nor Barbie answered as they looked at each other and realized he hadn't. "That means either he doesn't think they will do anything, or he's too scared to confess it. If we go around telling everyone a mob boss is going to gun for us, it will cause panic and confusion, and the Ringmaster will deny it just to save face. It's his word against ours, and he has more influence and trust."
"But if he is going to retaliate, then he's going to come and hurt our friends! Our family! You always said to never abandon family!" Tilla shouted in horror.
Their father winced and slowly looked down in shame. "I know, and I'm sorry that I have to be a hypocrite, but I have to take care of you three first. As much as everyone out there is family to us—we're related by blood—that takes precedent."
"...B-B-But what about warning a few people?! Fizz and his family! My friends! Tilla's friends!" Barbie Wire asked while getting teary-eyed. "We can't just..."
Their father looked thirty years older as he sighed and looked at his children regretfully. "I'm sorry, but we have to do this. We don't have time. Every second counts."
Blitzo watched this with a stoic expression, but a whirlwind of emotions was raging inside of him. He knew what was going to happen, and a part of him wondered if his Father was right in the end or not. He turned to Rachmiel, watching the scene with a nervous expression, and asked him, "What would you do? What's the right thing to do?"
"I..." Rachmiel looked down in shame and sighed. "I don't know...I don't know what I would do...I get what your Father is trying to do, but I also can't stand the idea of letting people suffer without trying to help them...But if the danger is so real and coming..."
"...I still don't know either..." Blitzo whispered. "Especially since I...I..."
He closed his eyes and covered his face.
"Blitz?"
"...Coward."
The focus was now on Younger Blitzo, who glared at his father with tears in his eyes. "You're a coward! A coward!"
"Blitzo..." His father spoke but his son wasn't having any of it.
"No! All our lives, you told us that you don't abandon family! And now that our family is in danger, you want us to save ourselves?! We don't even know if this Don Ziggler will come after us! And even if he did, there are so many of us we could take him down! We've been in fights before! We've always won!"
"This is different!" His father shouted.
"I don't care! I'm not leaving, Fizz! I'm not leaving my home! If you want to run away like a pussy, then go ahead! But I refuse!" Younger Blitzo shouted before he rushed out of the door.
"Blitzo!" Tilla shouted but was already gone, and the scene began to change again.
"I should have stayed," Blitzo said as the two watchers found themselves in a new location—this time under a tent that hadn't been taken down. It was small and dark, but there was some light from the open tent. There was sobbing, and upon adjusting his vision to the darkness, Rachmiel saw that Younger Blitzo was with Fizzarolli in the tent and sobbing.
"It's not fair," Younger Blitzo wept. "I don't want to leave...I don't want to leave you..."
"Blitzo..." Fizzarolli whispered as he hugged his boyfriend. "H-Hey, maybe your father is wrong? Maybe this Don Ziggler guy won't come after us. Ringmaster Horus has always been a good leader. He wouldn't have just let Don Zigger leave if he was a threat. He would have told someone, like my parents, if this was dangerous. I think you're Dad's just overreacting."
"R-Really?" Blitzo asked as he looked up.
"Yeah, I bet tomorrow morning nothing will happen, and we can all just go to our next location together," Fizzarolli said, leaning forward with a grin. "And I know how we can spend that time."
Slowly, his hand got near Younger Blitzo's crotch, and he blushed upon feeling his boyfriend cop a feel on his balls. Slowly, the two began to kiss and fell on the floor, where they started to-
"Okay! Moving on ahead!" Rachmiel said with a blush as he waved his glowing hands as the scene rapidly went forward. Blitzo, however, was silent without saying a dirty word or two, which made the angel concerned until they stopped, and he soon found out why.
"...Oh, Lord in Heaven."
Fire.
Tons of fire.
A sea of it.
All of the entire circus was burning. Tents were aflame, wagons were shattering, and screams of fear, terror, and dying were heard. Along with gunshots. A lot of gunshots from machine guns, shotguns, pistols, and more. There were even explosions here and there.
The once-happy circus with so much life and joy was becoming a massacre. Just around the outside of the tent, there were already dead bodies. Some of them were burned. Others were shot. A few got stabbed or had their throats cut.
And some of them were as young as children.
Rachmiel slowly turned to Blitzo, who had already fallen on his knees with tears in his eyes as he watched the destruction of his home once again. The day he had run away was before him, and there was no looking away this time. As his younger self and Fizzarollli, horrified and in disbelief, slowly came out of the tent upon waking up from the chaos after their lovemaking, Blitzo reared his head back.
...and screamed.