Huntsman the Parenting
'Vampire Wrestling Entertainment'
Act One Part 2 of 3: I don't choose to be immoral it's just what I am…
In the stillness of the night, a dimly lit house stood quietly as odd barks occasionally broke the silence, their echoes faint but unsettling. Gradually, the barking gave way to a series of loud, guttural grunts emanating from within the house, these grunts grew louder and more intense, carrying an eerie, almost primal energy.
In the basement, the biker vampire struggles within a small uncomfortable cage similar to pet carriers. Even with his big, burly arms straining against the metal bars, muscles rippling with the effort, his face contorts with a mix of rage and determination, sweat beading on his brow, and trying everything in his power to break the cage, it was to no avail.
Without warning, a long, wooden stake pierce into the vampire's face with brutal precision. The sudden attack halts his struggles instantly as the stake pulls out, deforming his face as blood spurts out.
There, Qrow, Taiyang, Oscar, and Port with a stake held firmly in his hand stood before the captured vampires. They gazed down at the captured creatures with a mixture of disdain and fear, expressions hard, and eyes narrowed. "Don't make me say it." Port grumbled, raising his arm to point at a sign made by Oscar that reads, 'SCREAMS ARE LOUD DO NOT DO THEM'.
"What in the SAM HILL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" the Biker vampire screamed, his outbursts revealed two more vampires, each confined with their own cages. Pyotr and the Fedora vampire have both share an expression of resigned sadness, appearing dejected by their treatment.
Taiyang, Oscar, and Port stood with serious, cautious expressions, while Qrow, in stark contrast, looked excited, exclaiming, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh THE BOYEST OF BOYS, PLEASE, I beg you, let us begin!"
Pyotr shifted slightly in his cage, sitting upright despite the cramped space. He looks at the hunters with a mix of curiosity and dark humor, "So, what war crimes are on the docket tonight?"
"Mustard Gas." Port replied bluntly.
"Bustard (Mustard) comes in gas?" Oscar asked, scratching his head.
"Why not open up a can and look inside-?" he taunted, his eyes gleaming with malice, "-you little FUCKIN' WRENCH!"
Oscar let out a startled "eep" before Port, with a swift motion, thrust the stake directly into Pyotr's face, silencing him instantly and blood spurted as his face contorting grotesquely before the stake was pulled away. "Do not ruin Oscar's first interrogation, blank," Port said sternly.
"Oi," Taiyang called out, catching Qrow's attention.
"Oi." Qrow replied back.
"I know I'm not the only one here—" Taiyang began, only to be interrupted by Qrow's smirk and a playful "Yeah?"
"That has watched—" Taiyang continued, drawing out his words.
"Yeaah?" Qrow responded, crossing his arms and leaning in with a grin.
"Interview with a Vampire." Taiyang finished.
Qrow chuckled and reached out, gently patting Taiyang's head, "You make this joke every time."
Port chimed in bluntly, "It is a clever and funny reference."
The fedora-vampire, Ape Boy, looked up on his cage, "Stab me!" he pleaded.
"No."
The Biker, still reeling from his outburst, "You fuckers…" his voice cracked as he continued breaking down into sobs, "You- you don't know what it's like…!"
"Oh, here we go…" Pyotr said, sitting in his cage with an air of resignation.
"You rancid, pissy fuckers will never know what it's like! You go out into the sun and buy your cream crackers, your wheat-a-bix, and your…. Fffffff—fucking cream crackers-!"
As the rant continued, Ape Boy let out a long, weary sigh.
"You finish COLLEGE- and shit in a cramped little TOILET- and play Snake on your PHONE!"
Taiyang, clearly unimpressed and interrupting the tirade, cut in coolly, "Gotta admit bruv, not very relatable."
"FUCK YOU, TOILET SHITTER!" the Biker vampire shot back with anger, "Your mundanity is something we will NEVER HAVE AGAIN! WE are PERSECUTED BY YOUR REFUSAL TO YIELD TO YOUR BbbbbBb—BETTERS! AND WHEN WE DENY OUR NATURES… CAIN'S OWN PRINCIPLES OF UNIVERSALIZABILITY ARE SHATTERED!" he sobbed, choking on the words as his shoulders shaking with the force of his grief.
Taiyang appeared disinterested on the Biker's tirade until the Biker mentioned 'Cain's Principles' which piqued his curiosity, "I'm sorry- Cain's what?"
"LOOK IT UP!" the Biker screamed before Taiyang can even finish, his voice echoing off the walls and then followed by a fresh round of sobs, his anger and despair mixing into a chaotic display, "Anyway, the point is we cannot eat cream crackers anymore…"
Port, seeming frustrated on the repeated mention of 'cream crackers' boiled over, "Do not speak of cream crackers as some halcyon dream. Oscar is on an all-meat diet and has never been stronger."
Oscar raised a hesitant hand, "Uh- I- keep getting the meat sweats—"
"Not now, Oscar." Port cut him off abruptly, "I am talking to the monsters."
Ape Boy suddenly interjected with a mocking tone. "Monsters? Oh! Oooh~! He-he-" he said, "Grrrr! Raa! MMm!" exaggerating the sounds and gestures as if mimicking a cartoonish monster, "I'LL SHOW YOU A FUCKING MONSTER."
Qrow groaned as Port starts to get less patient, "You are pathetic-" he said bluntly, "Blank bodies are parasites. You kill and you eat them. To allow you to exist is to abet genocide."
"ABET GENOCIDE?!" the Biker vampire shouted back as his eyes widened with rage and disbelief, "YOU ARE GENOCIDING US RIGHT NOW!"
"Your life has already ended, tick. I can't. Kill. A corpse."
"Hohohoholy fucking shit fellas" Pyotr, having enough observing, exclaimed as being mingled with dark amusement, "Wouldn't this guy make such a good 'Ventrue'? Ooh- We 'kindred' do not live, we unlive." he then exaggerates his gesture and rhythmic cadence, "Ooh-! We do not do things 'all day', we do things 'all night'. AHH, OHH-" he continues his jarring parody, "We do not 'x', we 'VAMPIRE WORD."
Taiyang raised a finger sharply, cutting him off. "OH! Hold on." he said, his tone cool but firm, a flicker of annoyance in his gaze. "What is a Ventrue?"
"Oops," Pyotr muttered, "Now I've platformed the Antediluvian concept of 'Clans'."
From the row of cages, the reactions were immediate and varied. Ape Boy started a slow, deliberate clap, his smirk oozing sarcasm.
"Oh, good job!" the Biker drawled, voice dripping with mockery as he threw up his hands theatrically, "GOOOD JOB!"
"AH! Who cares?!" Pyotr said, "The Clans and The Masquerade can burn, along with all the other Camarilla / Anarch bullshit."
Taiyang raised a brow, tilting his head slightly. "Camarilla Anarch?"
Qrow glanced at Taiyang, then back at the vampire, arms crossed. "The Masquerade?"
Port nodded sagely. "Ah, Carmilla, the first vampire." he declared, as if the pieces had suddenly clicked in his mind.
The biker vampire groaned loudly, gripping the bars of his cage as if he might tear them apart. "Oh brothers, Pyotr!"
Pyotr turned toward him with a wicked grin, his fangs glinting in the dim light. "Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart" he drawled, leaning closer to the biker's cage. "Are you afraid of a little Masquerade breach? Well-" his grin vanished, replaced with a sharp sneer as he straightened. "-take the Prince's pussy out of your mouth-" he snapped, his voice cutting through the tension. "-and start acting like Cainites, gods damnit!"
Pyotr turned toward the team, gesturing broadly with an air of disdain. "These fuckers. YOU FUCKERS. Wouldn't even be ALIVE if we—Cainites—took over. And we COULD!"
The biker snorted from his cage "Pyotr… we don't got the resources yet to-"
Pyotr whirled on him, his expression twisting with irritation. "You drinkin' Cammie piss, lick?" he snapped. "We're the goddamn Sabbat! The Sword of Caine!" he points to Ape "And Ape, what does the Sword of Caine do!?"
"IT FALLS WHERE IT PLEASES!" Ape smiled.
"Amen…"
Taiyang calmly flipped open a clipboard and began jotting notes. "Camarilla… Anarch… Sabbat..." he muttered under his breath, nodding as he wrote. "Noted, noted, noted…", tapping his pen thoughtfully. "By the way," he asked innocently, "is Camarilla spelled like 'gorilla,' or…?"
The biker vampire let out an exaggerated groan, slumping against his cage bars.
Taiyang, unbothered, jotted down more notes, "Okay… these are essentially political parties, I assume?"
"The first one's free, sweet pea" Pyotr grinned, reaching out to Taiyang as his arms extends out the cage "What're you gonna give me for the rest?"
Port leaned forward, arms crossed, his tone steady and assured. "We already know about Carmilla—the first vampire," he said, his voice heavy with certainty. "I always suspected she's somewhere in Vale."
Pyotr broke into a chuckle, "The first vampire?" he echoed, smirking. "You mean the prince?"
"She is a sterling example of degeneracy." Ape smirked, "She and her posses sitting in their ivory tower- in Norwich! Forcing Cainites to stay hidden! They call it-" He threw up his hands dramatically, his voice rising with mockery. "The Masquerade! I call it CENSORSHIP!", he spat.
"Preventing murder is censorship now…?" Port spoke up, his tone sharp as he crosses his arms with a look of disapproval.
Ape barked a short, derisive laugh. "Prevent murder? Pfft, as if they could-"
"No- as if they WOULD-" Pyotr grinned as he corrects it, "The Camarilla's all about murder… Murder 'kine', Murder 'kindred'…"
Port tilted his head, his brow furrowing, "Kine?", he asked.
"Are you dense?" Pyotr said as he leans forward, his grin sharp and condescending, "'Kine' means you guys… Humans… Mortals…"
Ape snorted, "Like you know? ANIMALS!"
"And while you're wasting time with us… the Cammies are playing you like good little puppets."
Taiyang scoffs, "Come again…?"
Pyotr leaned back against his cage, "That's just a common tactic of theirs. See, we Sabbat believe in liberty and revolution…"
"For Vampires?"
"Cainites." Pyotr corrected, "That's right. But the Camarilla… they believe in slavery and serfdom for our kind."
"And what about our kind?" Qrow asked, sharp with sarcasm.
Pyotr's grin widens, his eyes gleaming with predatory amusement, "Your kind of just livestock." he replied, "That's it. That's just the way of things. No matter what you do, mortals are just meat. The only way out is 'Embrace'. So, if you want Liberty… well, we can give it for you."
"So… you're saying you will exchange freedom for… freedom?" Taiyang said, his tone calm but edged with disbelief.
"IT'S EITHER US OR THEM!" Ape bared his teeth in a mock snarl, "We are the children of Caine, and our manifest destiny is to RULE! PRAISE THE DARK FATHER!" he leaned forward, his eyes glinting with fervor.
Qrow crossed his arms, a sardonic smirk playing on his lips, "Intriguing! So why haven't you been murdered yet?"
Pyotr's smug grin vanished in an instant, replaced by a flash of fury. He threw himself against the bars of his cage with a loud clang, his arms reaching out, "Because the Sabbat doesn't fuck around! We're on a warpath! And our cause?" His grin grew even wider, taking on the air of a sadistic maniac, "To see you lowly, juicy apes serve your natural purpose!"
"…So you're just here to kill?" Taiyang spoke with calm finality.
The biker threw his hands in the against the bars of his cage, rattling them with frustration, "NO, you fucking SNAILWRETCH, YOU'RE WRONG AS HELL!"
Pyotr's head snapped toward the Biker, his grin spreading into a cruel smirk, "Oh, so now you grow a pair, Shitbeard."
"We don't just KILL!" Biker continued, "We're SMARTER THAN THAT! I went to Vale School, SON!"
Qrow raised an eyebrow, arms crossed, "That why you were hanging out in a tunnel? Murdering joggers in the dead of night? What major is that again…?"
"POLITICAL SCIENCE! We- conquered that tunnel, purged it of Anarch filth! I-it's our turf now this… heh… WHOLE… heh district." Ape interjected, utterly oblivious to the sarcasm.
Taiyang tried to parse Ape's words. "This… district? This district of North Vale?"
"It is the new theater for the GLORIOUS CRUSADE! A domain to… bleed!"
"A-alright- I-"
"-out as we please!" Ape cut him off.
The Biker's patience snapped, turning sharply toward Ape, his veins bulging in his neck "APE-BOY, YOUR BRAIN'S A DRAINPIPE! PLUG IT!" he roared, "The Anarch Barony ain't moved an inch since we were chased in her by the Cammies. Our bases still need buildin' up!"
Pyotr dragged a hand down his face in theatrical exasperation. "Oh, yeah man… Really selling us right now with the base building."
The Biker wheeled around, "FUCK YOU, PYOTR. THE CATEGORICAL IMPERATIVE COMPELS ME TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TRUTH ABOUT-"
Ape cut in with a dismissive sneer, "Kent is not a Noddist philosopher!"
The Biker's head snapped toward Ape like a whip, "Fuck you, Ape-boy!"
What followed was an explosion of incoherent shouting, both of them barking half-formed arguments and insults at each other in rapid succession. Words tumbled out in a chaotic mess, their escalating Sabbat discourse devolved into a flurry of unintelligible growls and finger-pointing.
Pyotr leaned heavily against the bars of his cage, his forehead resting on his hand as if he were carrying the weight of their collective stupidity.
Amid the chaos of Ape and the Biker's increasingly incoherent shouting match, Taiyang raised a hand awkwardly, his voice cutting through their noise, "So, not to disrupt the discourse, but… You're at 'war' at this 'Anarchy Barony' over… the district of North Vale?"
Ape and the Biker froze mid-argument, glaring at each other for a beat before both turned to Pyotr, seemingly waiting for him to answer.
Pyotr leaned lazily against the bars of his cage; his expression unreadable. "On the small scale. That and… Beacon."
Taiyang blinked, processing the unexpected reply, "Oh, I fucking hate Beacon."
That earned a chuckle from Pyotr, his fanged grin flashing briefly, "Hah! I get it- it's freaking sad. But I'll tell you this much; the Anarchs, y'know, they have the spirit, they have their ideals…"
Ape's eyes suddenly lit up with fanatic fervor, and he cut in with a raised voice, "BUT… BUT… They lack… PURPOSE! They- they restrain themselves just as the- the- the Camarilla!"
The Biker groaned loudly, "Pyotr, he's doing it again…"
Ape ignored him, building momentum as his voice grew more impassioned, "They refuse to unleash… their BEAST! They want their petty revolution, but for what? To continue Hiding!?"
"SHUT UP!" the Biker bellowed, but Ape was far too deep in his tirade to notice.
"PROUD CAINITE! DOST THOU HEAR THE CALL!?" Ape's voice darkened ominously as he raised his arms theatrically, his eyes glinting with fanatical zeal, "PURGE- YOUR DEGENERATE HUMANITY AND LIVE- AS YOUR FOREFATHERS DIDTH!"
The tension hung in the air for a moment, the weight of Ape's dramatic proclamation hanging heavy.
Pyotr finally snapped, throwing up his hands in exasperation, "OKAY, DUDE! TURN DOWN THE LARPING-! Fucking hell…"
Ape's theatrical energy faltered, his arms dropping slightly as he protested weakly, "But-! But I have so much MORE to say!"
Pyotr, now leaning on his fist in a pose of exaggerated boredom, shifted slightly in his cramped cage, "You're BARELY in the Sabbat, Ape! You haven't even partaken in the 'Vaulderie'…"
Ape tried to interject but Pyotr didn't even look up, cutting him off as if Ape's words didn't register, "-so, stop angling for Pack Priest and stay in your fucking lane!"
The words hit Ape like a stake to the ego. His posture slumped, his earlier zeal evaporating, looking down defeated and silent.
Qrow crossed his arms, shaking his head in mock sympathy. "It is very embarrassing."
Taiyang nodded slowly, drawing out a long, awkward, "Yeah…"
Ape seemed to shrink into himself before muttering under his breath, his tone defiant yet hollow. "Pfft… Weaklings, I am the strongest here I will purge…"
"Hey! Speaking of, where's Kevin? The 'wizard-type'…"
"He is having a 'special interview' with our leader. Nothing you need to worry about."
The phrasing was deliberately ambiguous, a sly edge to Qrow's tone, but it clearly didn't land as intended. Pyotr's eyes widened, and his face twisted into a mix of shock and disbelief. "Kevin gets to FUCK!?" he blurted out.
The entire team seemed to unravel in collective comedic horror. "No, no, no!" Port immediately snapped; his booming voice filled with unfiltered disapproval as he rubbed his temple like he had just aged ten years.
"No, no! Probably not!" Taiyang stammered, holding up his clipboard as if it could shield him from the sheer absurdity of the statement.
Qrow buried his face in his hands, his muffled groan dripping with secondhand embarrassment.
Meanwhile, Oscar blinked a few times, his head tilting in confusion.
Pyotr raised his hands in mock surrender, his grin stretching wide as he chuckled. "OKAY, OKAY! I get it! That's good actually, wouldn't want to engage in any ZOOPHILIA OUT HERE!
The joke only deepened the collective disgust. Taiyang visibly grimaced, pinching the bridge of his nose to recompose himself. Finally, he straightened up and cleared his throat, "Mm! Okay, right, so- as has been made abundantly clear you are basically vampire supremacists?"
Pyotr tilted his head, his grin taking on a sly edge, "We are Cainite Naturalists." he said causing to Taiyang sigh heavily, the weight of his exhaustion almost palpable. "-and listen! I like you. All of you. Fair's fair, you did kick our asses. So, I want to extend the offer; why don't you join us?"
Taiyang hummed thoughtfully to which Qrow joined in, also humming dramatically, "Mmm… Immortality is pretty tempting…"
Port immediately shot Qrow a sharp side-eye, his voice low and dripping with disapproval. "Qrow…"
Pyotr, sensing a crack in the door, leaned in further, his grin now practically dripping with glee. "Hehehe, come on, the old man would never expect it. Not that he can't join as well."
Qrow smirked, crossing his arms as his crimson eyes sparkled with mischief. "Wouldn't that be funny."
Pyotr's grin widened, his tone growing more eager as he leaned even closer to the bars, "I'm being serious! Immortality. Supremacy. A new family. What do you say? Are you in? Or are you… out?"
Qrow tapped his chin, feigning deep thought as he let the silence drag for dramatic effect. "Well… it is tempting. You know what is more tempting, though? Having everything we do from here on out being morally justified…"
Pyotr practically vibrated with excitement, "YES! Exactly! LIBERATE YOURSELF, BROTHER!"
Qrow's smirk deepened, "Because…"
"YES!" Pyotr shouted mid-sentence, his excitement boiling over.
"We'll be doing it against a bunch of vampire fascists!"
Pyotr's grin froze in place, his fist still raised triumphantly, "YES! THE SABBAT ARE-" He stopped abruptly, the realization dawning on him. His grin fell into a flat, almost blank stare, "oh… okay."
The Biker gripped the bars in his cage, shouting in frustration, "FUCK! IT DIDN'T WORK, PYOTR!"
Meanwhile, Ape began to tremble, his face contorting as if he were slowly unraveling, "AND I'M SO… HUNGEY!"
The Biker groaned, already resigned to what was coming. "Oh, there we go…" he muttered, his tone heavy with sarcasm.
But Ape wasn't listening. His eyes burned with manic fervor as he leaned forward, gripping the bars of his cage with trembling hands, "HEY, HEY! YOU DO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DON'T EAT OUR FILL, RIGHT?"
Qrow stood there with a smug grin creeping across his face. "Tell me…"
Ape's breathing grew heavier, his voice dropping into an ominous, theatrical growl, "The Beast SHALL come out now…"
"That what you're calling yourself, sideburns?"
"THE BEAST WILL COME OUT! The beast, our urge, our need to CRUNCH YOUR NECKIES OPEN AND SLURP! FROM THEM!"
Oscar's face scrunched up in confusion, "Neckies…?"
Ape rattled the bars of his cage, bellowing, "The Beast's birthright is YOUR blood, and it will have it for its WILL is MIGTHIER than any of the… the… the… SHIRRY METAL BOXES YOU PUT US IN!"
"Uhh…"
Qrow watched with an amused smirk. As Ape's ranting continued, something seemed to click, "So, is this guy just like a parody of himself or WAIT…! Hmm…" His grin widened slightly as a plan began to form.
Taiyang looked at Qrow with skepticism, "What?"
Qrow straightened, that glint of mischief unmistakable now, "Just got an idea." He turned back to face the vampires, clapping his hands mockingly for attention, "Hey! You WILL get fed! Just a second!"
The Biker shouted from his cage, "What!?"
Pyotr, still lounging with an air of boredom, arched an eyebrow, his interest mildly piqued, "This better be good."
Qrow casually stepped toward the bottom of the stairs, waving the rest of the team to follow, "Everyone, let's get out of here."
Taiyang blinked, "Ehm, why?"
"Come and see."
"Oh, okay, alright."
As Qrow and Taiyang disappeared up the stairs, Port turned to Oscar, "Come, Oscar."
Oscar hesitated, looking nervously toward the cages, "We stepping out from the cellar?"
"Yes." Port replied, his tone flat.
"Leaving these here?"
"Yes."
Oscar's eyes widened, and he starts to mildly panic, "What if they break out!?"
Ape's voice boomed, desperate and theatrical as always, "WE SHALL DRINK YOUR HIDE DRY AS YOU SLEEP!"
Port remained unfazed, turning to Oscar, "They will not. I have fortified this room. The cellar door can withstand a force of 825 kilograms per square inch. No blank will make its way out."
Oscar blinked, clearly not comprehending, but too anxious to press further, "Okay, yeah, I understand all of that and feel very safe now, okay, let's a-go…" Oscar went ahead to the stairs, leaving Port alone.
"Good. Okay…" Port muttered, taking a step back toward the stairs, his eyes still on the vampires.
Ghira has many ex-wives and ex-husbands and ex-children. So much so that he sees Port and Qrow as his children and Oscar as his grandchild (and Taiyang as a son-in-law), though the team seemed disapproved at first, it eventually grew on them, and it became normal for them as a team.
Ghira's vocally affirmed favorite child is the horse named Horse.
Taiyang often serves as a stabilizing influence on Oscar. However, when they first met, Oscar was sick with puberty disease, attacking violently with big stones…
Oscar was later cured (with meat) and now Taiyang and Oscar play games together every Wednesday.
Qrow shoved the cellar door open with dramatic flair, stepping into the dimly lit hallway as the rest followed closely behind, they all turned to watch Port, who lingers by the cellar door.
Without a word, Port began a sequence of locking mechanisms on the door: he mashed a set of passcode buttons with precise jabs of his fingers, slamming a heavy padlock onto another lock that was already hanging there; turned a key with a sharp twist but left it dangling in the lock; and finally sliding the bolt shut.
Port straightened with a deadpan expression, "Locked."
"Come upstairs, we're going to the office." Qrow explained.
"Oh boy 'puters" Oscar muttered.
The group made their way into a dimly lit space dominated by the soft glow of multiple screens. In the far-end of the room stood Qrow's workstation—an almost absurd setup consisting of a long, well-worn table supporting three bulky square monitors, and a treadmill where Qrow had positioned himself on, adjusting his pants as he stepped onto the narrow belt with practiced ease.
Oscar flopped onto the treadmill beside Qrow. Meanwhile, Taiyang and Port lingered nearby, arms crossed as they watched Qrow begin his preparations.
Port eyed the setup with mild approval. "Nice rig, Qrow."
Qrow grinned. "Well, yeah!"
"Spent a lot of money on this? Instead of, y'know… a gun?"
Qrow immediately shushed him, waving a dismissive hand before turning back to the screens. The monitors flickered to life, booting up the grainy camera feeds. Despite the low quality, the basement was clearly visible, the vampires still locked in their cages. Their muffled voices buzzed through the speakers as Qrow adjusted the angles, zooming in on the captives.
"Now, the quality isn't great-" he admitted, "-we CAN see and hear everything going on down there." He leaned forward, tweaking the view until all three vampires were centered on the screen. Then, with a sharp clap of his hands, he declared, "Okay so here's my idea. Let's have them eat each other!"
Taiyang blinked, "Wha- like- Literally?"
"YES, LITERALLY! We have no clue what happens if a vampire eats another vampire, and I want to find out!"
"Eh…"
"Oh, here comes the moral stipulations." Qrow groaned, "Look, feeding doesn't necessarily mean killing"
"I mean, we ARE stepping over boundaries just bringing them into our house…" Taiyang crosses his arms," or should I say MY house. I own it."
Qrow crossed his arms too, "What? The boundaries set by the fucking Arcanum? I don't feel like following their tenets after being banned."
Taiyang sputtered, "You- ugh, you know what let's take this later, we're just going start arguing about some Royal Family again, I can feel it."
There was a brief, awkward pause. Then Qrow suddenly clapped his hands together. "OKAY, CAN WE BEGIN THE EXPERIMENT FIRST?!"
Taiyang huffed, "Make them eat the larper first, he's the worst-"
Qrow leaned in close to the microphone, grinning, "RIGHT! SO! Mmmm-MICROPHONE!"
An ear-splitting screech ripped through the basement as the audio system peaked. The three caged vampires recoiled, gritting their teeth in pain.
As silence settled in, Qrow casually continued, "Good news! You're getting fed!" With a press of a button, all the cages swung open. "Go buckwild!"
The Biker vampire stomped out of his cage, "Are you fucking serious!?" Meanwhile, Pyotr and Ape stepped out cautiously, eyeing each other and the situation.
Qrow clarified cheerfully, "It's for science! Besides, LARPer Larry over there seems willing to take one for the team!"
Ape whirled around, snarling, "DON'T GO VOLUNTERRING ME FOR BLOODBAG DUTY, DE. GEN. ERATE!"
"That's really kinda your call."
A tense silence settled over the room. The vampires hesitated, unsure what to do. "Forget it!" Ape shouted as he walks to the Biker, "The Sabbat will never turn on their own just to slake their own hunger and- SNEAK ATTACK!" Ape lunged at Biker with a wild swing.
Biker staggered back, snarling, "Argh! YOU FUCKIN' RAT!"
Ape turned sharply to Pyotr, "PYOTR! HELP ME HOLD HIM DOWN AND-"
But Pyotr had already started laughing. His eyes gleamed with sadistic delight, "MONOMACY IT IS!" he bellowed.
"And here. They. GO!" Back upstairs, Qrow shouted into the microphone, slamming the table like a wrestling announcer. "This is hardcore three-way elimination match where three vamps enters and only ONE may leave!"
Port, catching on immediately, leaned in. "That is right, Qrow. We've got hell of a show for you all and we're right here in the action."
Down in the basement, the Biker vampire roared and charged forward, swinging his arm like a wrecking ball.
"We see some offense coming from the Bikerguy—" Port narrated as Ape ducked low, sidestepping the attack with surprising speed. "—but the speed of the LARPer!"
Qrow grinned as he watched Ape weaving around, eyes locked onto his prey. "He's looking for his opening!"
Then, without warning, Ape lunged, his hand piercing straight through Biker's back like a dagger.
"And… FIRST BLOOD!" Qrow hollered, nearly knocking over his microphone. "WHAT A MANUEVER!"
Biker's face twisted in shock, "Wait- what!?"
Ape cackled, withdrawing his bloody hand before immediately pouncing on Biker, pinning him down with unnatural ease. Despite being smaller, he choked Biker out with one hand, grinning wide, eyes glowing red, claws ready to tear.
Biker wheezed, glaring furiously at his attacker. "APE!"
Back at the office, Taiyang, watching with mild horror, muttered, "Savage…"
"Savage is right. AND I LOVE IT!" Qrow declared, slamming the desk again.
"It's clear that there is some bad blood here!" Port continued his play-by-play, voice brimming with faux excitement.
"Look at how he's just going to town on him!" Qrow added, eyes fixed on the screen as Ape rained down blow after blow, pummeling Biker's face into the cellar floor.
"There is no 'town' to go to Qrow," Port deadpanned, but his tone quickly shifted as he caught something on the feed, "But- IS THIS!?"
Down below, Biker's arm shot up, grabbing Ape's wrist in a vice grip, "You dirtbag!" he roared.
"A reversal!" Port announced as Biker delivered a brutal punch straight to Ape's head, sending him sprawling across the floor. Ape groaned, dazed, struggling to push himself back up—but Biker was already on him, eyes burning with rage.
"YOU SHITHEAD!" Biker barked, lunging forward and wrapping Ape into a crushing chokehold.
"VINTAGE BIKERBRO! He's got him in a chokehold!" Qrow bellowed.
"I'm gonna pop your skull! You fucking pig!" Biker snarled, tightening his grip as Ape gasped and clawed at his arms.
Qrow leaned into the mic. "It's desperate times here for Larry! Will the Sludgelad break the pin?" He trailed off mid-sentence, eyes narrowing at the screen. Something was off. "Hey, is he STILL hiding!?" The camera feed showed only flickering shadows, but Pyotr was nowhere to be seen.
"You can't see him!" Oscar chimed in, watching the screen with wide-eyed excitement. "Could his time be now?"
Port glanced at Oscar, blinking at his oddly well-timed reference. He ruffled the boy's hair with an approving nod. "That was a VERY funny reference, boy."
"Thank u!" Oscar beamed, "Say, do you think this is a solemn warning of what happens when one embraces their monster and loses their soul?"
Port froze mid-head pat, suddenly thrown off, "Uhh. No." Port smiled stiffly.
Qrow suddenly smacked the screen, eyes gleaming. "Boys, would ya look at this!"
"LARPer Larry is retaliating, and-" Qrow's voice climbed with excitement as the screen showed Ape's fingers digging into Biker's arms then, with a sudden burst of strength, Ape shoved Biker's arm off his throat, "OH, HE'S DOING IT! HE BREAKS THE HOLD!"
Port's eyes widened as Ape twisted his grip around, "Reverses it! Is this some kind of hold?!"
Ape didn't hesitate. With a wild grin, he yanked Biker forward, leapt up, and slammed him down headfirst into the cellar floor, "NO! IT'S… DDT!" Qrow screamed, "IT'S AN IMPALER DDT!"
"THE BIKER IS DOWN!"
Ape staggered back to his feet, panting, then wiped his mouth and grinned, "Fangin' and Bangin'!"
"Aww, I hate him!" Taiyang groaned.
"I can't believe the LARPer went over…" Oscar muttered.
"ONE, TWO, THREE!" Port counted, slamming his fist on the desk in excitement. Then, more solemnly, he added, "Qrow, I'm not sure that biker will ever ride again."
"Me neither, Port, and- LOOK!" Qrow's eyes snapped to the screen as Ape turned sharply, pointing a clawed finger toward the shadows, "In a shocking turn, the LARPer's calling Slimeboy out!"
Ape spat blood to the side and snarled at the darkness. "PYOTR, YOU TREA-SONE-USS DOG! Face your death like a true Sabbat!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, from the shadows, a voice slithered out. "You know Ape… I always liked your spirit…" Ape's grin faltered as his eyes darted around, scanning the dimly lit basement but it was too late, Ape's body stiffened as Pyotr's voice whispered right behind him, "I bet it'll taste great-!"
Ape whipped around, swinging a desperate jab—but Pyotr was already gone, dashing away like smoke, "SLUDGE LAD WAS INVINSIBLE AND-" Qrow started to hype up—but then he saw it.
Pyotr had reappeared in a blink, his arm driving straight through Ape's back. A sickening, wet tearing sound filled the basement. Pyotr's clawed hand burst through Ape's chest, gripping something wet and pulsing.
"BY THE BROTHERS ABOVE!" Qrow bellowed in horror and awe, slamming his hands on the desk.
Ape's mouth opened in shock, blood bubbling past his lips. His fingers twitched weakly, "N- nn- not like thi…" His voice was barely a breath. He was already losing too much blood.
Pyotr chuckled softly. He leaned in, his breath cold against Ape's ear, "This?", he said, "You're Right. We'll go slower." Pyotr ripped his arm free, letting Ape collapse forward.
Before Ape could hit the ground, Pyotr caught him, cradling him in a twisted, mockingly gentle embrace. One of Pyotr's arms hooked around Ape's shoulders, holding him upright—like an old friend comforting a wounded comrade.
Ape's breaths were shallow, his body trembling in Pyotr's grip. He grasped weakly at Pyotr's arm, his bloodied fingers slipping against the slickness, "Pyotr… Please…" he begged, voice barely more than a whisper.
Pyotr smiled down at him, "Hey, kid, shh, don't worry, I was just putting on a show. After all, we're family."
Ape's eyes widened slightly, hope flickering through the pain, "You… h-he you… m-mean it?"
Pyotr chuckled softly, "Do I mean it? C'mon… What do you think?" Then, with a casual flick of his wrist, he tapped Ape's cheek. A playful, almost affectionate little punch.
And then another. The next one was a little harder. Then harder. Ape blinked, his hazy mind catching up too late as the taps became strikes. The punches sped up. Pyotr's knuckles cracked against bone, his smile stretching wider, sharper. Faster. Harder. Ape's face began to deteriorate. Flesh gave way, bones fractured.
Pyotr's manic grin grew with each blow. The punches didn't stop. Didn't slow down. Blood splattered against his clothes, the floor, the camera feed. Until there was nothing left of Ape's face at all. The feed turned into a grotesque blur of red and pulp and movement.
Qrow and Taiyang watched in stunned silence, "That's… umm… not…" Qrow floundered for words.
Taiyang, arms crossed, exhaled sharply, "Really?"
"Legal…"
Taiyang's expression twisted into disgust, "Qrow, this is barbaric."
Port clapped his hands. "You're right! Slime Lad is beating the LARPer to death with his bare hands!" His tone carried the same excitement as before.
Qrow shot him a flat look, "Port, c'mon man."
Port swiveled his chair away from the desk to face them fully, "What? Why the change in tone? Blankbodies aren't people!"
"Well, yeah but it's still…" Qrow hesitated, the words sticking in his throat.
Taiyang cut in, his voice firm, "It doesn't matter. Whatever this is, it's horrid."
Port raised a brow, "Didn't you say that you wanted this one to die first?"
Taiyang opened his mouth, "I-"
"Isn't it a bit late to object now?"
The room fell into uncomfortable silence. The only sound was the wet, rhythmic impacts from the screen. Then, suddenly, Pyotr stopped. Still holding what was left of Ape's body, he tilted his head toward the camera.
"Hey, J.R.!" Pyotr said, "Can't help but notice the crowd go mild… Am I good to collect my winnings now…?"
More silence, Port inched closer to the screen, Taiyang and Qrow exchanged looks, uncertain on what to do, finally, Port exhaled, "Well?"
"I guess for the experiment's sake." Qrow hesitated, rubbing his temple.
A long pause. Then, the basement speakers crackled to life. "Go ahead." Port's voice rang out.
Pyotr's grin sharpened, "Thank you kindly…" Pyotr held Ape close, angling him just right. Then, with a slow, deliberate motion, he sank his fangs deep into Ape's throat.
Taiyang flinched, "Perverse."
Qrow swallowed thickly, his face twisted in discomfort, "I, uhh… Yeah…"
Port, ever the pragmatist, said, "You are uncomfortable because the one dying seems so human. But I assure you; he is no different from the creature earing him alive." On the screen, Ape's fingers twitched, a feeble reach for help. No strength left. No voice.
And then, he stopped trying. Pyotr drank greedily, his grip tightening, his body shuddering as he drained the last remnants of life from his prey.
Port watched impassively, "All vampires are destined to become monsters. Each one slain is who-knows-how many lives saved. That is why I do not hesitate to cheer and make sport of their death, and why you shouldn't either."
A tense silence. Then, Oscar's small voice broke, "I- I dunno, it seems like it might be more complicated than that…"
Port glanced down at him, "Oscar. I learned many harsh lessons in my old huntsman days. This was one of them."
Back in the basement, Pyotr pulled back, licking the last traces of blood from his lips. Ape's body sagged in his arms—thin, drained, lifeless while Pyotr changed, his eyes burned red, his pupils shrunk into slits, his ears and fangs sharpened.
He let out a slow, satisfied exhale, "Ah… Thanks, Ape. You were delicious…" Then, like discarding an empty cup, he tossed the corpse aside. He wiped the blood from his jaw, his grin stretching "-and now, a second helping…"
He turned his gaze toward Biker. Biker, barely clinging to life, tried to push himself up. One arm trembling, he reached out, pleading, "No… please…"
Pyotr loomed over him, "You know… Ape-boy? I actually thought about sparing him. I kinda liked him. But you? Despite the Vinculum, old man, I. never. Liked you."
"No… no… NO!"
He grabbed Biker. The scream tore through the speakers. Then—a sickening, wet squelch. And then… silence.
Upstairs, no one stared at the screen, expression unreadable. Port remained neutral. Oscar, visibly shaken, pressed his lips into a thin line, trying not to let his panic show.
Taiyang, mortified, finally broke the silence. "Okay… so this was all horrifying."
Outside, Ghira stood before the door and, in one absurd motion, swallowed an entire ham whole. Then, wiping his hands, he strode inside, all cheery, "HEY, KIDS! I got some rather tasty information out of that… Kevin-guy. He told me the Chapter House in Beacon-"
His eyes landed on the screen. He froze, then—his expression snapped into panic. "ha- hA- AH- HAA- AAAAH- HOLD ON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
Port greeted him calmly, "Hello, Ghira. We were engaging in a marginally sadistic professional wrestling commentary."
Ghira's fur bristled as he pointed furiously at the screen, "What the FUCK is that vampire doing!?"
Qrow, completely casual, shrugged, "Oh, yeah, we made em' eat each other to see what'd happen."
Ghira's face twisted in horror, "YOU'RE LETTING THEM DIABLERIZE EACH OTHER!?"
Qrow blinked, "Yeah, I mean, what-?"
Before he could finish, Ghira lunged, grabbing him by the collar, "YOU STUPID BOY! Letting vampires diablerise each other in our cellar!? You're going to have them-!"
A deafening crash shook the entire house. The walls rattled. The floor quivered. Everyone went still.
Then, slowly, their eyes drifted toward the open office door. Beyond it—only silence. Ghira, softly, he whispered: "Immediately break out…"
"The door…" Qrow said, his voice hoarse.
"What?" Port said, suddenly sweating.
"He broke through the door" Taiyang said, barely above a breath.
Oscar whimpered, too scared to speak as they all stared at the darkness beyond the doorway. Not moving. Breathing. Unsure what to do…
EDITOR'S NOTE:
And I am back! Sorry for long update, I've been busy with life. Excited to see the new chapter from the official chapter! Soon after making Chapter 3, I will open a post on Reddit on recommendations on who is going to play who for the new upcoming chapters for Audiolog 3, 4, 5 and 6, and for later characters for Act 2!