Alex knotted one hand into her hair, and she cast a desperate glance towards the doors of the operating theatre. 'Shadow, we need to find a compromise.'

Shadow narrowed his eyes and said, 'I'll let you give me lidocaine. That's it.'

The anaesthetist glared at him. 'Alex is going to be drilling a hole in one of your bones so we can get a needle in there. And because we don't know how fast your healing factor is, we may need to drill several times. I want you on propofol as well.'

'No. Even if I have another GUN agent here, I need to be awake, and I want to be able to move.'

'We can give you a lower dose. We can sedate you without knocking you out. That's the workaround – take it or leave it.'

'If you give me propofol, I won't be able to walk if there's an emergency.'

'If we don't give you propofol, I'm worried that you'll have a panic attack on the operating table.'

'I don't have panic attacks –'

'Your medical records indicate otherwise.'

Shadow opened his mouth to protest. Then he remembered Verity giving him benzodiazepines in the aftermath of the terror attack on the concourse. He swore under his breath.

'Look.' Alex leaned down, forcing Shadow to look her in the eyes. 'You clearly have reservations, but I also don't want you to make this harder for yourself. Your medical records say that you have C-PTSD, and you've been under significant stress since you've gotten here –'

Shadow stepped backwards. 'I'm not going to have a panic attack, and I'm not going to let you put me under. It's a massive safety risk. Drop it.'

'But if it was safe, would you let us do it?'

For a moment, Shadow faltered. He'd already slept fifty years of his life away, and on the rare occasion that he did sleep now, he was often haunted by nightmares when he woke up. But he had to admit that the idea of being able to briefly escape the pressure he was under was … alluring.

Shadow shook his head, steeling himself. 'I'll let you give me propofol, but only if you keep the dosage low so you don't knock me out. Does it have a reversal agent, at least?'

The anaesthetist looked at Alex and winced. 'There's some evidence that injecting physostigmine directly into the thalamus can reverse the anesthetic state –'

Shadow flinched. 'Hell no. I don't care if you can't kill me – I'm not letting you stick needles into my brain.'

'The standard reversal agent for propofol is time itself,' Alex said, raising her eyebrows at him. 'And you can clear the anaesthetic out of your system even faster by accelerating time, whether there's an emergency or not.'

Shadow reluctantly looked up at the clock above them. 'Fine.' He forced the word out, and his shoulders fell. 'Fine, damn it.'

As if on cue, he heard the sound of a crisp flutter, and Rouge swooped into view, touching down with a sharp click of her heeled boots. She strolled over with a smirk. 'I'm too good, aren't I? That can't have been more than a minute, tops. That dinner better be candlelit, darling.'

Despite the weight on his chest, a faint smile flashed across Shadow's face as she joined him. 'I hope you like hospital food.'

'Ugh. Speaking of which,' she said, passing a coffee to both Alex and the anaesthetist. 'Here you go. Heaven knows you need one after dealing with this stubborn bastard all day.'

'You're an angel,' Alex said, gratefully accepting it. 'You even have wings.'

'See?' Rouge demanded, throwing an arm around Shadow's shoulders. 'I only got her a coffee, but I dropped everything I was doing to come over here, and I don't even get a kiss for my efforts.'

Shadow tried to shrug her off, but to no avail. 'You don't get special treatment for doing your damn job.'

Alex looked between Shadow and Rouge. Her brow creased. 'Shadow, I'm sorry – but did you call in your handler or your partner?'

'You've got to be kidding me,' Rouge chided. 'Shadow, I told you that we were going to soft-launch our relationship! What have you been telling people about us?'

Shadow glared daggers at her. 'I'm going to soft-launch you through the nearest wall if you don't shut up.'

'He's so mean to me,' Rouge sighed, giving Alex a helpless shrug. 'Every time I we go on a break, he texts me in the middle of the night saying that he'll do better. I just really feel like I can fix him, you know?'

Shadow raised one foot and stamped on the instep of her boot as hard as he could. 'Alex, if you can anaesthise her as well, then forget the bone marrow – I'll give you my entire skeleton.'

Without missing a beat, Rouge drove the heel of her boot into his ankle. 'Chaos knows he's got a few of those in his closet. I wouldn't have started dating him if I'd known.'

'You're one to talk. Your sky-high body count would give even the most open-minded suitors cause for alarm.'

Rouge sighed, leaning on his shoulder. 'Sometimes I wish I didn't prefer older men. With the way he talks, you'd think he'd been born in the 50s. What – are you going to tell me my neckline's too low next?

'Saying "neckline" implies that the line is near your neck. Don't kid yourself.'

'If you bought my clothes for me, then maybe we wouldn't be having this problem –'

'H-Hey.' Alex feebly waved her hands to get their attention. 'Speaking of clothes, we need to get a move on. Our theatre slot is about to start. I didn't get your name, sorry, but we need you to scrub in.'

'Oh, I'm Rouge …' Rouge trailed off. 'Come again? Scrub in? What are we doing?'

Shadow jerked a thumb towards the doors of the operating theatre. 'We're doing a bone marrow exam. They insisted on using general anaesthesia, so I need you to be my lookout.'

'… Sure.' Rouge seemed dazed, and it took her a moment to notice that a nearby nurse was beckoning her over. She walked off, disappearing around the corner.

Alex drained the last of her coffee and threw it in the bin. 'I needed that. I've already been here for 16 hours.' She turned on the taps at the handwashing station and held her hands beneath a chlorhexidine dispenser. 'Is she your girlfriend?'

'She's a pain in the ass.' Shadow crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, looking through the door of the operating theatre. Everything inside the room was a nauseating shade of blue-green, and the operating lamps cast a harsh light on the table below.

Alex scrubbed her hands and arms with a brush, leaning backwards to look in the direction that Rouge had gone. '… Do you prefer men?'

'I prefer it when people don't ask pointless questions.'

'But she's gorgeous, and it's clear that she's obsessed with you. If you didn't have 20/20 vision, I'd ask if you were blind.'

'She's like that with everyone. She'd flirt with a doorpost if it got her what she wanted.'

Alex gave him a pitying look. 'Sure, but it's not like you have a shortage of rings to put on her finger.'

Shadow looked down at his inhibitor rings. He blinked. Then he ripped the dispenser off the wall, but Alex sprinted into the theatre before he could throw it at her. 'I was joking!' she shrieked. 'Calm down!'

'If you want me to calm down, then give me the damn propofol already! Isn't that what it's for?'

'Give us a minute to put on surgical gowns first,' the anaesthetist said, following Alex into the room. 'Good grief. We'll be ready for you in a minute.'

Shadow's ears pricked up, and he turned to see Rouge walk back around the corner. Her catsuit had been replaced by surgical scrubs, and she was wearing a surgical mask. She stopped and stared at him. 'What are you doing?'

Shadow remembered that he was still holding the dispenser. 'Nothing.' He placed it back on the wall, and it hung crookedly.

'Sure.' She glanced at her attire in disgust and said, 'I don't know how you're meant to style this.'

'Your ability to kill intruders doesn't depend on whether you look good or not.'

She arched one eyebrow. 'Kill?'

'You know that GUN announced the program to the public today. If people come here to find us, it's not going to be to get our autographs.'

'Speak for yourself. I'm rather proud of my signature, and I've yet to come across an object that someone hasn't asked me to sign.'

'Rouge.'

She lowered her mask for a moment. 'I hear you. Relax and let me handle it.'

'Don't tell me to relax –'

'Shadow?' Alex stepped into view, holding her hands up to avoid contamination. 'Let's get this show on the road.'

Shadow stiffened and walked through the doors.

The operating room was cold, and the lights were so bright that they stung his eyes. Rouge followed him in and leaned against the wall, out of the way of the surgical team. The equipment shone and glittered beneath the lights, and Shadow looked away, focusing his gaze on the ground as he sat on the operating table. An oximeter was placed on his finger, ECG electrodes were fastened to his chest, and a blood pressure cuff was fastened around his arm. The monitoring equipment in the theatre came to life, translating his heart rate into light and sound. It reminded him of the labs on Space Colony Ark more than he would care to admit.

'Can you lie down for us?'

Shadow's heart began to beat faster, and a rapid beeping filled the room. He glanced at Rouge. She had one eye on him and one on the door. Her ears twitched, swivelling as she listened to every sound coming from outside the operating theatre. His gaze drifted, landing on a nearby tray of surgical instruments. The sharp edge of a scalpel glimmered beneath the lights. Despite every instinct in his body telling him not to, he lay down.

The anaesthetist held his left arm with one hand, and she held a lidocaine syringe in the other.

'Isn't that excessive?'

'Propofol burns when you inject it intravenously. You'll thank me for this later.' The needle sank into his arm, and Shadow pressed his other hand against the operating table. After a moment, she inserted a venous cannula into the injection site, tightening straps around it to fasten it in place.

'Lie on your side for me, please.'

Shadow turned over. As one of the surgeons placed a capnograph sensor on the operating table to track his breathing, he caught a glimpse of Rouge. Her eyes were wide, but her expression was unreadable. It was then that he realised he would have to watch her every reaction during the surgery. But if he were facing the other way, then she would have to watch them cut him open.

He felt the sharp sting of a needle in his lower back. He was already starting to lose sensation in his arm. The sense of nothingness spread like frost, and his fingertips twitched as he closed his hand around the edge of the operating table. He could still move, but he couldn't feel the metal beneath his hand.

'How certain are you that I'm not going to go unconscious?'

'Fairly certain.' Shadow saw the gleam of glass out of the corner of his eye, and she flicked the propofol syringe with one finger. 'I've been doing this for six years.'

'… In other words, you've barely completed your specialist training.'

'Shadow, give it a rest,' Rouge said. 'They probably need a break from listening to you talk. Why don't you just let them give you the full dose of anaesthetic –'

Shadow's hand clamped down, and he heard a muffled gasp. He looked away to see that a piece of the operating table had broken off in his hand – a jagged, metal shard covered in a scrap of fabric. He froze.

'I'm not going to let you go under,' the anaesthetist said in a low voice. She rested one hand on his side, but he could barely feel it. 'Trust me.'

A nurse prised the shard out of Shadow's hand and walked out of his field of view. 'Trust you?' he asked. 'On what basis?'

'On the basis that this is my job.' She held the syringe up to the side port on his IV line. 'And the sooner I give you this, the faster you'll calm down.'

'I'm already calm.'

She glanced at the hole in the side of the operating table. 'No, you're not.'

Shadow heard the glide of plastic on plastic as the syringe depressed. He gripped the unbroken edge of the table, but he couldn't feel it beneath his hand. After a moment, a faint, burning warmth radiated through his arm.

'Any adverse effects?'

'… No.' It was only by a second, but his reaction was delayed. His breath caught in his throat, and his gaze darted to Rouge. She was watching him with her arms crossed. Her ears kept twitching.

'Any burning sensations?'

'… Mild.' This time, it took him two seconds to respond. He felt as though he was supposed to be panicking, but his heart rate was slowing, and his grip on the edge of the operating table was loosening.

'Any breathing difficulties?'

'I'm … No.'

He heard footsteps behind him. 'This level of sedation will be sufficient. You're good to go.'

Then Shadow heard Alex's voice behind him. 'This is still going to hurt, even with the anaesthetic. But it looks like you've been through worse.'

After a moment, he realised that the scar on his back must be clearly visible beneath the operating lights. 'It doesn't … matter …'

A brief glitter of light flashed across the wall – the reflection of a scalpel blade – and Rouge averted her eyes. He couldn't feel what was happening, but he knew why she would be looking away. A moment later, he felt a needle stab into his lower back, driving into his hip bone. The pain was sharp, like a hot knife, followed by a pulling sensation.

His instincts were telling him to jump off the table and bolt, but he couldn't. Dread began to pool in his chest. He'd stopped time more times than he could count. But this time, it felt like someone else had stopped time instead, trapping him in the operating theatre.

'You doing all right?' Alex asked. When he didn't respond right away, she asked, 'Can you still speak?'

'… Yes.'

'The bone marrow aspiration will be done in a few minutes.'

'Mm.'

Years ago, he hadn't been given the choice to stay awake. After GUN had located the capsules that had been ejected from the Ark, they forced Professor Gerald to keep working on Project Shadow up until the day of his execution. Shadow had lain in stasis, none the wiser, while Gerald had rewritten his memories. In the process of losing his mind, Gerald had irreversibly damaged Shadow's own. Who knows what else the man had done to him without his knowledge?

The needle was finally removed, and he heard murmurs behind him. Rouge's gaze flicked back and forth. 'Are you guys good over there?'

'… We're good,' Alex finally said. 'We just have to do the biopsy, then we're done.' A moment later, another needle drove into his back, and the pain was white hot. It felt like someone was tugging on him, and he silently dug his claws into the surface of the operating table.

It was a twisted joke, in a way. Gerald had said that he had designed Shadow's mind to be perfect … and pure. Yet his idea of a perfect, pure mind had been one filled with fabricated memories. Gerald had called him 'son', but maybe he had only ever seen Shadow as a brother to Maria. And once Maria was gone, there was no longer a familial tie binding the two of them together. She had left behind a madman and the weapon he wielded, and the only thing that held them together in her absence was a desire for revenge – created by one and carried out by the other.

The needle was removed, and Alex pressed gauze against the incision wound before turning Shadow onto his back. The operating lights dazzled him, burning his eyes.

'How was the pain?'

'… Use less anaesthetic next time,' he muttered. 'I could have … done with a distraction.'

Silence filled the room, punctuated only by the beep of the monitors.

The venous cannula was removed from his arm, and the anesthesist said, 'Give it 10-15 minutes for the bleeding to stop.'

Shadow's gaze flickered. GUN had always intended for him to be a weapon … But Gerald had done more to turn him into a weapon than GUN ever could. Shadow hadn't been able to save Maria, but Gerald hadn't merely turned him into a tool by altering his memories – he'd also punished Shadow by robbing him of the chance to help others. If his granddaughter couldn't be saved, then apparently no one else could be either.

Shadow doubted that Gerald would have arrived at this conclusion himself – at least not consciously. The man had been too far gone at the end. But it was the conclusion Shadow had arrived at himself … after reaching the end of the story that Gerald had written for him.

Shadow braced one hand against the operating table, forcing himself to sit upright. The sensation in his arm was returning, but it was only faint. He brushed the bloodied gauze aside and heard Alex inhale sharply.

'Shadow, stop. It's only been a few minutes –'

'For you, perhaps.' He glanced down, confirming what he already knew – that the incision wound had begun to heal.

Alex looked torn. She placed more gauze over the wound and wrapped a bandage around his waist. 'Shadow, if you keep accelerating your recovery … Is that going to remove the anaesthesia from your system?'

The dull ache in his lower back grew sharper with every word, turning into a blunt pain. 'Probably.' He gritted his teeth, bracing himself to get down from the operating table. 'What next?'

'What?'

'What am I doing next?' He blinked several times. 'Who's the next patient?'

Alex's hands fell to her sides. For some reason, she almost looked upset. 'You. You're the patient, for once. Once you're out of recovery, you're going to get out of here and take your not-girlfriend downstairs and get yourselves both something to eat.'

'But –'

Alex slammed one fist against the operating table. 'But nothing!' Her shoulders slumped, and she said, 'You're going to run yourself into the ground if we let you. Get out of here. I don't want to see you until tomorrow.'

Shadow got off the operating table and took Rouge's offered hand to steady himself as they left the theatre, holding Rouge's arm until they reached the in-charge desk. He sank into one of the nearby chairs, and Rouge flitted off, reappearing a moment later in her normal clothes.

'… Did I do something wrong?' he asked.

'Oh, honey.' Rouge brought the tub with his belongings over and draped his jacket over his shoulders. 'She's just trying to look out for you. She probably feels guilty, for that matter.'

'Why?' Shadow put his arms through the sleeves, wincing with each movement. 'I knew what I was getting myself into.'

'… I don't think you did. Not really.' She picked up his shoes and helped him put them on. 'Just shut up and let me help, would you? That wound's going to hurt like hell if you bend over.'

The in-charge nurse walked over, passing Shadow a box of acetaminophen. 'Alex said to give you this.'

Shadow stood up and pulled on his wrist guards, taking the box with a nod.

'Are you leaving already? We'd normally monitor you for an hour –'

Shadow walked off, raising one hand half-heartedly, and Rouge chased after him. 'Time is relative and all that bullshit.' They rounded the corner, and Shadow had to steady himself against the wall. 'Damn it. They've taken my shoes away so many times that I think I've forgotten how to skate.'

Rouge took his hand, coaxing him down the corridor, and gave him an affectionate smile. 'I forgot how cute you are when you're high on meds. You even tell real jokes.'

'Enjoy it while it lasts.' They stepped into an elevator, and he pressed the button for the first floor. 'Amnesia is a common side effect of propofol. I don't even know how much of this I'll remember.'

'It wouldn't be the first time you've had memory problems.'

They stepped out of the elevator and walked into the deafening noise of hundreds of conversations taking place all around them. Rouge looked up, catching sight of the bright green signage for the hospital cafeteria, and her brow creased. 'What are we doing here?'

'Doctor's orders.' Shadow pulled out his wallet and pressed it into her hand before sitting down at the nearest table. 'I know that you have access to all my bank accounts, but I did say I would buy you dinner.'

'… You're a sweetheart, you know that?'

'Shut up.'

She flitted off and returned a moment later, sitting opposite him. 'You really should have thought twice about letting a thief manage your finances for you. Have you even checked to see if there's anything left in your 401k?'

'What's a 401k?'

'Please tell me you're kidding.'

Shadow didn't answer, but he half-smiled.

'Here,' Rouge said, sliding a takeaway box towards him. 'I skipped the part where you tell me that you'll have whatever I'm having.'

He shook his head and opened the box. He didn't know what she'd ordered, and it tasted like cardboard. He finished before she even started, took two of the pills he'd been given and glanced around. Everything in the cafeteria was white and green and made of plastic. The night sky outside the windows looked like wet ink scattered with stars, and the murmur of conversation was steady.

'Hey.' Rouge hesitated, dangling a pair of disposable chopsticks from her fingertips. '… Why did they need to give you a bone marrow exam?'

Shadow folded his arms over the tabletop. 'They need to run some tests before giving me a transplant.'

'Why are they giving you a transplant, though? Am I missing something?'

'They need to force my tissue type to match the one of the patients. He has leukemia, so he would die if they tried to do it the other way around.'

Rouge snapped her chopsticks apart. 'This kid has leukemia, and they're injecting you with his bone marrow?'

'Yes.'

Rouge's tan skin turned pale. 'Shadow, what the f –' She broke off, casting a wary glance at the countless young children and their parents scattered throughout the cafeteria. 'What the hell are you doing?'

Shadow rested his head in one hand. 'I'm doing what I can. My immune system is strong enough to handle it.'

'I don't give a damn how strong your immune system is,' Rouge hissed. 'Is this even within the scope of the program? You know that the hospital is sending reports about all of your procedures to GUN, right?'

'I know that you can get into the biomedical department's database through a backdoor and alter the files.'

'… I'm not doing that.'

'Rouge. I'm not asking you to cover my tracks for the sake of it. If enough people at GUN find out how about the risks we're taking, the program could get called off.'

'Shadow, I'm willing to screw GUN over any day of the week. That's not the problem. I don't want see you to get hurt –'

'And I don't want Abraham's grandson to die.'

Rouge's pupils dilated until they became two black pools of ink, like the sky outside the windows. 'Abraham's grandson has cancer?'

Shadow sat back in disbelief. 'You didn't know either? And how did someone from PR overhear Abraham talking about this and not you? You're one of GUN's best intelligence agents.'

'Abraham must have kept it close to his chest. But you're right …' Rouge's gaze flickered. 'That is odd. I may need to look into how that happened.'

'So you'll help me?'

Rouge looked down, and her lashes were lowered. 'I was going to help you find a way to get out of doing the program.'

'What?'

'Shadow, I can tell that you're struggling. What's more, Verity said that the initial reports coming out of the hospital were dubious, and Abraham told me that you nearly choked him unconscious earlier today. I know you were having a rough time before this even started, but …'

'Shadow looked away, gazing out one of the windows above their head. He could see the metallic glimmer of Space Colony Ark, shining like the light cast by a dying star. 'I told myself that I was never given the chance to do something like this. That Gerald and GUN had stopped me before I could try. But I knew …' He buried his fingers in his quills, digging his fingers into his skull. 'I knew that the only thing stopping me from doing this was myself. I knew what would happen. I knew that I would be reminded of my past at every turn, and I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to confront it.'

He told himself that the weakness in his voice was a holdover from the anaesthetic, but he knew the effect was wearing off faster by the minute. 'I don't need your help to get out of this. I could make my excuses at any moment and leave, but I gave my word.'

'To who? To GUN, Abraham or Maria?'

Shadow stiffened. '… Does it matter? At the end of the day, I'm still doing this for myself.' He hesitated. 'I just didn't expect it to be this difficult. Even if I give these kids all of me … I don't know how much I have left to give. I don't even know if it will accomplish anything.'

'I think you're capable of more than you realise.' Rouge stood up and slipped over to his side, giving him a fierce hug. 'I just don't want to see you get hurt.'

'Then I'll ask someone else to stand sentry next time. I didn't realise that it would affect you this much.'

'No one wants to watch someone they care about go under the knife – but that's not what I was referring to. Besides, I said that I would be there for you after everything was said and done. Remember? You're not the only one who keeps their promises.'

'I –'

Rouge's earpiece lit up, chiming, and she groaned. 'You've got to be kidding me.' She let him go and turned away with a grimace. 'Slow down … Oh, hell. I'll come back. Give me a moment to make sure my emotionally unstable boy toy will be fine without me –'

'Damn you,' Shadow said, and he pushed her in the direction of the hospital's main entrance. 'What's happening over there?'

'They just brought in another one of the suspects linked to the terror attack. They want me to decrypt his personal devices so we can cross-check his interrogation transcripts.'

Shadow's eyes widened, and he spun around, grabbing the back of his chair with one hand. 'Wait. I meant to ask you how the investigation was going.'

Rouge stepped back and narrowed her eyes. 'No clearance, no info. There's nothing you can do that would make me –'

'I'll give you a Chaos Emerald.'

'In that case, I'll give you the suspects' names, addresses and the last four digits of their social security numbers. But we'll need to talk about this tomorrow.' She gave him a sympathetic look. 'I have to go, and I think you have enough on your plate already.' She stashed the takeaway box under her arm, gave him a wink, and darted off with a sweep of her wings.

Shadow watched her fly out the door and into the night. Then he got up and limped off, following the corridors to the hematology ward. One of the nurses gave Shadow a confused look. 'Aren't you done for the day?'

'I am.' Shadow gestured down the hall. 'I'm sure Alex told you to send me packing, but you only have me for a week. Can you hook me up to an apheresis machine in an empty room overnight?'

'Are you sure?'

Shadow tapped his foot on the ground until the nurse sighed and walked off. He followed her down the corridor into an empty, dark room lit by downlights and cluttered with medical equipment.

He sat down in an empty chair and let the nurse put a needle in each of his arms. She switched the apheresis machine on, creating a dull hum as it drew blood from one arm, spinning out cells and plasma, and returned the remaining blood to his body through the other. She added an IV line to his arm and walked towards the door, hesitating with her hand on the light switch.

'Do you want the lights off?'

'No.'

She gave him a helpless shrug and slipped out of the room.

Shadow turned toward the window and crossed one leg over the other, trying to ignore the pain in his lower back. He pressed a hand to his earpiece. The soft strains of a guitar seeped into his ear as he looked out over the twinkling lights and deep darkness of Central City's skyline.

Maria had played the acoustic guitar. She'd loved to rollerskate. She'd thought that with his courage, he could do anything.

He closed his eyes, wondering whether he could prove her right by the time this was all over.