A/N: I own nothing! So, this little plunny started from reading one to many stories where Hermione travels to the past, falls in love with our favorite Maurauder, and then travels BACK to the present, having zero idea that she and Sirius were in love until her memories reemerge…so this is basically that. Sirius loving Hermione from afar…for now this is a OS, but I do have enough ideas to turn it into a full story if there is enough interest! This is going to be from Sirius' POV exclusively (unless it becomes a multi-chapter fic), and there will be flashbacks. All flashbacks will be noted as: ***...***...Flashback***...***...

I want you to know that if I can't be close to you

I'll settle for the ghost of you

I miss you more than life, yeah- Ghost by Justin Bieber

Sirius stared out of the window at 12 Grimmauld Place watching Harry, Ron, and Hermione laugh. Their enchanted snowballs flew around, attacking at random. Sirius sipped from a glass of Ogden's Finest. He remembered the last time Hermione enchanted snowballs. She laughed and giggled in delight for hours, charming them to hit him and James. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the stairs creak, or the sound of the old wooden door being open and shut.

"I miss her too, Pads." Remus poured himself a glass and went to stand next to his oldest friend. "She was the best thing that ever happened to our group. She changed so much, and we can't thank her for it. She would never understand."

Sirius nodded and looked at his friend. He could see the years of stress and pain littered his friend's face. After a lifetime of lycanthropy, and a decade of being alone, his monthly transition had pushed the man to age far faster than normal. Sirius, himself, was not what he was in his youth either. Twelve years in Azkaban had seen to that. The only thing he had to hold onto from going insane was his memories of her. His memories of Hermione. She came into their lives one day, and then, almost as fast as she appeared; she left. He went over to her flat for coffee one morning, and she was gone. She left like a dream or a fleeting memory. Sirius had no proof she ever existed, except for the thoughts he kept for himself.

"I don't know what to do, Moony," Sirius whispered. "It's painful to be this close to her. Especially when she has no memory of us. No memory of what we had." He stomped over to the bar, filling his glass, again, before shoving the bottle back in its place. "And before you say it," he turned to Remus, his hair whipping in his face, "How exactly would I even begin to explain it to her?" Sirius threw his glass across the room, tugging on his hair at the same time. "You see, dearest Hermione. I don't quite know when it happens, but sometime in the next 10 years, you manage to go back in time. We fall in love, and then you left again two years later. And,

oh! Even though we were in love, you didn't even tell me. But I'm still holding a candle for you after all these years." He scoffed and glared at Remus, "Give me a break, Remus. She'd have me thrown in St. Mungo's faster than I could say Kneazle."

Remus saw Sirius head towards the door and blocked his path. "Pads, I get it. Okay? I understand that you can't word vomit everything that happened. But you need to do something. You either need to find a way to move on, or you need to speak with Severus." Remus rolled his eyes at his friend. "Don't give me that look, Sirius. She formed a close friendship with him as well. And remember, that friendship is the thing that saved your brother from what was sure to be a painful, horrid end.

"Talk to Severus. He is a master legilimens. He may have an idea of how to unlock her hidden memories. Because they are there. I know it. Sometimes she gets this far-off look when you talk about the first war. Like there's something she's forgetting." Remus clapped his friend on the back and left the room.

Sirius went back to staring at the trio playing in the snow. He let memories wander back to the last time he had seen Hermione so happy and free.

***...***...***...

Sirius looked at his girlfriend reading the morning edition of The Daily Prophet. She was flicking through the pages and spitting at articles written by Rita Skeeter. He smiled at her over his morning cuppa, sighing content.

"What are you looking at, Sirius?" Hermione blushed and buried her face back in the paper.

Sirius reached across the small table and pulled the paper away from her face. "Just you, love. Your opinions are fascinating. Plus, your hair sparks when you get irritated and it is rather attractive."

Hermione giggled, "Sirius." She looked out the window of his flat. "Wow, it really snowed last night! Let's call Remus, Regulus, and James! We should have a snowball fight."

***...***...***...

Two weeks after that, she was gone. It had taken Sirius a long time to accept she was gone. It took him even longer to realize she was never coming back. He stayed up for weeks on end. He fixated on the front door, willing it to open. Months came and went with him leaving his flat only to pick up takeaway for the week. And then, it happened. The thing Hermione had been trying to stop. That is what snapped him out of his stupor. The Patronus came at 1:30 in the morning. It was a stag and not a doe. Guilty, he felt a pang of relief that if one of them lived, it was Prongs. Peter had sold them out, just like Hermione said. It hadn't mattered what they had done. Sirius and James made more of an effort to include him. Lily forced him over to family dinners. Remus helped him with his Charms apprenticeship. In the end, it hadn't mattered.

In a haze of blind rage, Sirius had also seen another of Hermione's predictions come to fruition. He took off after Peter. Except, this time, it wasn't 12 muggles that died, it was Peter alone. Still, the curse was on his lips before he knew it. An unforgivable was unforgivable, no matter the circumstances. Only James and Remus' oath under veritaserum had saved him from The Kiss. He still did twelve years in prison.

He wondered, quite often, if there were certain events set in stone. So carved into fate that they could not change. For as much as Hermione had changed, there was so much that stayed the same.

***...***...***...

"Sirius, I need to leave!" Hermione shouted up the stairs to him. "I have to go meet Dumbledore to discuss the cave." She huffed when she got no response from him. "Sirius!" She stomped up the stairs. "Did you not hear me? I need to leave." She pushed open the bedroom door and gasped at what she saw. "Sirius!" The contents of her beaded bag were strewn over the bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He croaked out, voice thick with emotion. "Why didn't you tell me how many were lost? How many you are trying to save?"

There, on the bed, was a list of all the known Order Members who had perished in the First War. The list of people Hermione thought could be saved.

Fenwick, Benjy

Longbottom, Alice

Longbottom, Frank

McKinnon, Marlene

Meadowes, Dorcas

Prewett, Fabian

Prewett, Gideon

Potter, James

Potter, Lily

She had a separate list of known Death Eaters, and Death Eater sympathizers. That list was also whom she thought could be saved. It was a short list, with only four names.

Black, Regulus

Malfoy, Narcissa

Pettigrew, Peter

Snape, Severus

"Is this what you've been doing? When you're off galavanting with Moody? When you're whispering with Kingsley?" Sirius shoved the pages in her face. "This is my brother's name, Hermione. My bloody brother and you didn't think to tell me?!" Sirius scoffed and pushed Hermione to the side when she tried to stop him. He vaguely heard her whimper as she hit the ground. He ignored her pleas to please come back when he stormed out of the room.

***...***...***...

They saved James, Reg, Snape, and the Longbottoms. Marlene and the Prewett twins had gone into hiding shortly after Hermione had told them they were marked for death; and were sadly never heard from again. Everyone else met the same demise, no matter what was done. Sirius sighed and pushed off from the wall. He knew that Remus thought he needed to do something. Move on, make Hermione remember, something. But he couldn't. Remus didn't know. No one did. The secret vow he pledged to Hermione. They both knew there was a chance that she would leave as abruptly as she came. She made him vow that were she to not have any memories of their time together, he wouldn't force it. He wouldn't show her his memories. He wouldn't send her somewhere to unlock the memories. He wouldn't try to purposely make her remember. If she remembered, it would be on her own. If she remembered, it would be because they truly were fated with each other.

Sirius rubbed the scar from his Unbreakable Vow as he walked down the stairs of the house. He smiled when he heard Hermione and Harry laughing in the kitchen. He walked into the room and smiled as he leaned against the doorframe. "Have fun out there?" He almost melted when Hermione turned her bright laugh and smile on him.

"We did, Sirius. You should join us next time." She handed him a mug of tea, made just how he drank it (even though he never told her, at least not in this lifetime), and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek before flitting out of the room to find Remus.

He took a sip of tea, and didn't notice his godson staring at him in confusion. Sirius was fixated on the door Hermione had just exited. "I wish I could, love. I wish I could."

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy

I miss you more than life

I miss you more than life