Saiyans of Hell
The dark red sky echoed with the rumbling sound of sinners, as they cleaned up the aftermath of this latest Extermination.
At the newly renamed Hazbin Hotel, Kaen was in the Hotel's newly built gym, a little addition he suggested to Charlie, for patrons who enjoyed working out. Currently, he was putting together the last piece of weightlifting equipment, which thanks to Alastor's power, had the functionality to be as heavy as the one using it wanted, just by writing the desired weight on the weight plates on each of the pieces of equipment, which meant he could make it as heavy as he wanted.
"Alright Kitten." Kaen said, standing behind Eri on the bench press, his hands on the barbell, marker in his pocket, showing he had a black leather eyepatch with a big red Z, on the surface of it, covering his right eye. "You ready to get started?"
"Ready Papa!" Eri nodded.
"Okay, now I've set the weights at 25lbs on each end, so you'll be lifting 50lbs plus the bar weight, in total; just to be safe, Papa's gonna keep hold of the bar while you lift." Kaen explained.
"Right." Eri said.
"Okay, here we go." Kaen said, lifting the barbell off the rack, with Eri's hands on it, before she began her attempts at doing the bench press workout.
Eri struggled with it, but that didn't seem to stop her, as the fire in her eyes showed her determination. When Eri managed to reach 10 reps, she motioned to put it down, and Kaen was more than happy to help her safely put it back.
"How you feeling Kitten?" Kaen asked.
"Like my arms are on fire Papa." Eri whined a bit.
"That's what's supposed to happen Kitten." Kaen chuckled softly. "Why don't we go and do something a little more your speed? How about some bicep curls?"
"Okay." Eri said cheerfully.
"Good, now let's be sure to keep proper form when doing them." Kaen said, leading Eri to a mirror wall, and grabbing a couple of small dumbbells.
Eri took the weightless dumbbells, before Kaen took his easy erase marker, and wrote the number 5, on each of the ends, making each dumbbell 5lbs.
"Alright, I want you to start out doing 10 with each arm. Can you handle that Eri?"
"Yes Papa." Eri said, taking proper form.
"Kaen!" Vaggie called from the gym entrance.
Kaen looked to see Vaggie walking over to them, before he looked back down at Eri as she hadn't started yet, having gotten distracted from hearing Vaggie's voice.
"Get started Kitten, I'll see what Vaggie wants." Kaen said. "Once you reach ten with each arm, take a break, then do another set."
"Okay." Eri said cheerfully, before she started the dumbbell curls, while Kaen went to talk to Vaggie.
"What's up?" Kaen asked.
"You and I need to have a talk." Vaggie said, crossing her arms.
"About?" Kaen inquired.
"Don't fucking bullshit me, you're an Exorcist, aren't you?" Vaggie asked. "Don't even try to deny it, I saw the blood coming out of your leg after you got out of the wreckage from that zeppelin crash."
Kaen flinched at hearing Vaggie's accusation. He had hoped nobody had noticed the blood, but here he was being confronted by Vaggie.
"Yes, okay. I am an angel." He sighed. "But I never killed a single sinner, like the Exorcists do."
"So, you fell?" Vaggie asked.
"Yeah, I fell because I'd rather be burning in Hell with my family, than living in Heaven without them." Kaen said.
"That's… rather selfless of you." Vaggie said completely shocked.
Vaggie shook herself out of her shock, before looking to where Eri was.
"What are you doing with Eri?" Vaggie asked.
Kaen looked back to where Eri was, as she was taking a break from bicep curls.
"She brought to my attention, her desire to become stronger." Kaen said. "She feels like she needs to get stronger, so she doesn't have to rely on me all the time."
"But… you're her father, it's only natural that you'd protect her." Vaggie said.
"I told her that, but she's adamant about becoming stronger. So, I'm putting her through the same training regimen my parents put me through when I was her age." Kaen stated. "If she feels she can't do it anymore, she's welcome to stop whenever she wants. But she's got just as much pride as a Saiyan."
"Wow." Vaggie said. "Still though, it bothers me how she ended up in Hell."
"Yeah, it bothers me as well." Kaen sighed.
"What do you think caused her to come here?" Vaggie asked.
"I… have a theory about that." Kaen said. "The Quirk Eri has right now, isn't the one she was born with. Her original Quirk, was a power called Rewind, it allowed her to return any living organism caught in her power, back to a previous state of being. An' the first time she used that power; she killed her birth father with it on accident."
"Birth father?" Vaggie asked.
"Eri isn't mine by blood." Kaen said. "I rescued her from a madman who was hellbent on using her blood and cells to create a serum that could erase Quirks."
"What the fuck?" Vaggie gasped. "That's just… that… How the fuck could anyone think to do something like that? To a child no less!"
"He's sick in the head, thinking it was worth using her like that, to put the Yakuza back on top of the hierarchy of the underworld." Kaen said. "Anyways, my point is, even though it wasn't intentional, Eri still took a life, and that's what caused her to end up in Hell."
"Makes sense." Vaggie sighed. "Accident or not, taking a life is still a sin, a pretty serious one at that. So that explains how she ended up here."
"As for her mother…" Kaen thought. "Well… let's just say, her mind wasn't the cleanest. She tended to have some rather… unique and lustful desires that she wanted to try out."
"Okay, we'll leave it at that." Vaggie chuckled.
"Eri!" Kaen called to the little demon girl. "Put the weights down, we're done for the day!"
"Okay Papa!" Eri called, putting the dumbbells back on the rack.
"Hey, I can take her to get cleaned up if you want." Vaggie said.
"You sure? Not that I don't trust you but, I think Eri might have her own thoughts about that." Kaen said.
"I'm sure. Let's ask her." Vaggie said, as Eri came up to them.
"Hey Eri?" Kaen asked, taking a knee to look Eri in the eye. "Vaggie's offered to take you to get cleaned up, are you okay with that, or do you want Papa to give you a bath?"
"Mmm…" Eri thought on it for a moment. "I'm okay with Ms. Vaggie helping me."
"Okay, if you're certain about this Kitten." Kaen said.
"Don't worry, I know what's appropriate to do and not do with a kid." Vaggie said.
"Thanks, Vaggie. I'll get the equipment used, all cleaned up while you're giving her a bath." Kaen said.
"I wanna hear a story from Ms. Charlie." Eri said.
Kaen chuckled at that.
"In the week we've been here, you've heard a story from her every day." Kaen smiled. "I'm starting to think you might like her more than Mama."
"No!" Eri said. "I love Mama and Papa more than anything!"
"I'm only kidding Kitten." Kaen smiled, hugging her. "You behave for Ms. Vaggie, okay?"
"Okay Papa!" Eri said happily, before taking Vaggie's hand as the fallen angel lead the child out of the hotel gym.
~Later On!~
"That was nice." Eri purred happily, dressed in a set of fresh clean clothes, as she followed Vaggie around the Hotel.
'I want a kid. I'm telling Charlie I want a kid.' Vaggie thought, before opening the door to her and Charlie's room, spotting the Princess sitting on the balcony sofa, staring out the window.
"Ms. Charlie!" Eri called out, running up to her.
"Oh, hello Eri." Charlie giggled, as Eri hugged her. "Aw look at you, all freshly cleaned and flowery."
"Can you tell me another story?" Eri asked.
"Of course." Charlie smiled, pulling Eri to sit up on the balcony sofa, before she got up and went to the bookshelf in her room. "Now let's see, oh I know."
Charlie pulled down an old leather-bound book, before returning to the balcony sofa, seemingly not noticing that Vaggie was in the room.
"This is the story of how my parents first met, and became the rulers of Hell." Charlie smiled.
"Ooh." Eri said in awe, as she leaned in closer to look at the book.
"Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates Known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshiped good, and shielded all from evil. Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the Elders of Heaven. For they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. So, he watched, as the angels began to expand the universe, in their ways."
"From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Adam demanded control, and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden of Eden. Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the fruit of knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted."
"But this gift came with a curse."
"For with this single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. An' the order that Heaven had worked to maintain, was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love, into the dark pit he had created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked."
"Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream. But Lilith thrived, empowering Demon-kind with her voice and her songs. An' as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an Extermination to ensure that Hell and its sinners could never rise against them."
"But Lilith's hope remained. An' her dream was passed down to their precious daughter. The Princess of Hell."
"That's you!" Eri said, as Charlie closed the book.
"Mmhmm." Charlie nodded with a soft smile. "An' that's the story of how my parents met, and how Hell came into existence."
"Wow…" Eri said. "The Bible got so many things wrong."
Charlie giggled at that, before looking down at the small black key hovering over her hand, a somber expression replacing the smile on her face.
"Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud." She said, clutching the key tight.
"Charlie?" Vaggie asked stepping up.
"Augh." Charlie jumped, dropping the key as it turned into Keekee, the one-eyed Demon cat, as she immediately began to play with Eri. "Oh shit, did you hear all that?"
"Uh yeah, I was right there." Vaggie said, pointing at the door.
"Sorry. I get pretty worked up after an Extermination happens." Charlie said, as Eri was still sitting on the sofa balcony, petting and scratching Keekee behind the ears. "This story helps."
"I know, don't worry." Vaggie said with a soft smile after chuckling. "I enjoy your theatrics. An' Eri really seemed to enjoy them too."
Charlie smiled at that, happy to know that Vaggie and Eri both didn't mind her being a little, dramatic.
"Are you okay?" Vaggie asked.
"I'm fine, just… thinking, ya know, family stuff." Charlie said.
"Did you, hear from your Mom yet?" Vaggie asked, getting a shake of Charlie's head in response. "Oof. How long has it been now?"
"Not that long, only… seven… years… off doing something important, I'm sure." Charlie said, quickly standing up for Lilith's honor, while standing up and looking out their bedroom window. "But this Kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about."
"Well, at least you aren't alone." Vaggie said, taking Charlie's hands into her own.
"I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work." Charlie said, as they sat back down.
"It will, I have faith in you." Vaggie said.
"Me too!" Eri chimed in, as Keekee jumped from her lap and into Charlie's arms.
Knock-knock-knock!
"Hey, it's Kaen, can I come in?"
"Come in!" Charlie said.
"Papa!" Eri cheered as she ran up to the door, just as Kaen came in.
"Hey there Kitten." Kaen smiled, holding her in his arms as she jumped at him. "Did you behave for Ms. Vaggie and Ms. Charlie?"
"I did Papa, I did." Eri said happily.
"Good girl." Kaen smiled, booping her nose before turning to Charlie and Vaggie. "Come on you two, Alastor says he has something to show us in the lobby."
~Later~
"Well, hello there, you wayward sinner. Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do that's why you're in Hell." Alastor's voice came from the screen. "But what would you say, if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar! Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands, as she tries to work through her daddy issues, by fixing you! Here we offer fun things! Such as somewhat functional staff, and 24-hour pest control! Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversations with our only two residents. Wow! All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!"
With that the commercial ended, and the tv turned off.
"So, what'd ya think?" Alastor asked.
Kaen, Vaggie, and Charlie were all stunned speechless, while Eri played with Razzle and Dazzle. But their silence wasn't the kind that Alastor was hoping for.
"That was fucking bullshit!" Kaen stated, breaking the silence.
"I'm sorry, what the Fuck was that?" Vaggie questioned.
"Uh, yeah, one note…" Charlie began. "Alastor, I mean- First off, thank you so much for making this. Seriously, amazing! But um… maybe the tone is a bit… off? We want people to want to come here, this makes it look… umm-"
"Bad. The word you're looking for is bad!" Vaggie stated.
"Funny. I was going for hilarious!" Alastor stated.
"This makes the Hotel look like a fucking circus!" Kaen stated.
"It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from Extermination, which is the whole fucking point." Vaggie said.
"Vaggie is right, Alastor. The commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them." Charlie said.
"Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show! The proper medium to express oneself! But you insisted on this: noisy picture box advertisement! So, I had a little fun with it." Alastor stated.
"Told you we should have let him do a radio commercial and left the TV commercial to me." Kaen sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
"Oh, fun. You had a little fun with it?" Vaggie asked, before standing up on the loveseat she was seated on. "Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help, run this Hotel!"
"Instead, you're mocking not only the Hotel, but the reason behind its opening." Kaen added in.
"Nobody's gonna want to come to a place that a powerful Overlord like you, thinks is a waste of time!" Vaggie finished, before sitting down on the arm of the loveseat.
Kaen looked to the side, and groaned as he saw a familiar spider demon raising their hand.
"What is it Angel?" He questioned.
"If'n ya filmin' a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have, right here?" Angel asked, pointing to himself.
"Angel, you're a Goddamn pornstar!" Kaen stated.
"A famous pornstar! I'll have, the horniest sinners, knocking these walls down, to get in." Angel stated.
"We are not filming a porn, as a commercial!" Vaggie exclaimed.
"Why not? Sex sells, don't it?" Angel asked.
"For one, there's a child here as a resident of the Hotel." Kaen pointed out.
"So?" Angel asked. "I swear, if you film me going at it, with mister fancy talk-creepy voice here, you'd be rolling in participants who'd be willing to stay at this tacky Hotel."
"Haha! Never going to happen!" Alastor stated with a fake laugh.
"Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your, special skills to, um, attract folks to the Hotel, but- I really don't want to exploit you, in that way." Charlie said.
"Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited." Angel said.
Kaen looked to where Razzle and Dazzle were, and smiled when he saw them each holding a throw pillow to Eri's ears, and gave them a thumbs up to show he approved of what they were doing.
"I've got the arms, I've got the stamina, I've got the legs. I got the lung capacity. Oh-oh, I got the legs! The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff that everyone thinks are tits." Angel listed off, making Charlie laugh uncomfortably, before her phone drew her attention away from the pornstar.
"Uh, hold that thought." Charlie said, thankful for the distraction. "I'll be right back." She stated, getting up from the loveseat, and going a bit down the hall.
"I could keep goin' all night, baby!" Angel stated proudly.
Charlie looked at her phone, before letting out a deep breath, and answering.
"Hello? Dad?"
Back in the living room, Kaen sighed in relaxation as he held Eri in his arms, before Angel began to talk again.
"Hey, I have a question." Angel said, before gesturing to Alastor. "If freaky face over there's so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?"
"Oh, trust me." Alastor said before, his voice grew ominous. "I can!"
"Why do you think I'm here?"
Kaen and the others looked to the bar counter, where Husker was wiping it down.
"You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time, if he wasn't forcing me?" Husker asked, as he began cleaning a bottle.
"I like being forced." Niffty said.
"Keep that to yourself, Niff." Husker said in slight disgust.
"What, you don't love being here with me Whiskers?" Angel asked in mock hurt tone.
"Call me, Whiskers, again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat!" Husker stated.
"Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty." Angel smirked.
"Ugh, Angel let Husk do his job, and no we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to." Vaggie said.
"I'm choosing to be here, and I think it's all stupid." Angel said. "We're in Hell, Toots. That's kinda the end of the road ain't it?"
"Well, maybe it doesn't have to be." Vaggie said.
"She's right." Kaen butted in. "Just because no body has made it out before, doesn't mean it's not possible."
"Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent free." Angel said. "Crack is expensive."
Down the hallway, Charlie was just wrapping up her phone call with her Dad.
"Yeah, I can totally. Yeah, my bodyguard and I'll head over there right away… Okay!" She smiled, before ending the call. "Hah! YES! YES! Hahahaha!"
In the lobby, Kaen and Vaggie were in the middle of trying to decide what they were going to do to replace Alastor's commercial, before Charlie butted in, calling for them from the hall.
"Vaggie, Kaen, Holy Shit!" She said, talking a mile a minute.
"Ahh! What?!" Vaggie questioned.
"Come on over here!" Charlie said through a closed mouth, biting her lip.
Vaggie sighed, before motioning for Kaen to follow her, to which he left Eri with Razzle and Dazzle again.
"What's going on?" Vaggie asked.
"You seem… excited." Kaen said, as Charlie was literally bouncing like a pogo-stick.
"My Dad just called. He said that the leader of the Angel army wants to meet, and he asked if I could go, instead!" Charlie said excitedly.
"But… But the Extermination just happened." Vaggie said. "What could they want this soon after…"
~(Cue Music… Happy Day in Hell: Hazbin Hotel)~
I can do this, somehow I know it
I'll get Heaven behind my plans
Charlie, hold on
There's just no way I could blow it
Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance
It's just a meeting
To change their minds and touch their hearts
Or whatever angels have
This could be bad
Cheer up, Vaggie
This could be swell
Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell
Okay, but just don't sing to them
That bitch is halfway down the street
Is she-?
Oh, she's dancin', and Kaen's keeping a close eye on her
Ugh, no
There's a warm, fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air
Every street so revealing, it's hard not to stare
It's a realm so appealing, it beats anywhere
If you don't mind the smell
It's a happy day in Hell
Hi, mister!
Go fuck yourself!
There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul
Hello!
Got a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole
Ah, excuse me!
Doing what is required, we all have our role
I'm not doing well
Another shitty day in Hell
If I can show them the dream I've dreamed
That any soul can change
Those angels' minds are hard to change
Then they will know everyone can be redeemed
From the evil to the strange
They're bloodthirsty and deranged!
I can hear all their stories, the lost and displaced
And I know that they're more of an acquired taste
But if I open the door and I give them a place
At my Hazbin Hotel
It'll be a happy day in Hell
From the porn studio, where the cinephiles go
To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows
To the Cannibal Town, where they don't wear a frown
'Cause holy shit, oh my gosh, why?!
And I don't give a crow that his brains got in my eye!
'Cause I know I can spare them from Heaven's genocide
I can do this, I just know it (there's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul)
I'll get Heaven behind my plans
There's just no way I could blow it (I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole)
Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance to change their minds
And touch my parts
Uh, no thank you, I'm just gonna
Fulfill my destiny!
Your loss, bitch
I can already tell
Today is gonna be a fuckin' happy day in Hell
~(End Song…)~
"Charlie hold up." Kaen said, grabbing her arm before they could go into the Heavenly embassy. "Whoever's waiting for us, might recognize me from reports of when I fought back against the Exorcists a week ago."
"Oh, shit right." Charlie said. "What do you wanna do?"
Kaen just smirked for a moment, before putting on his scouter shades, and heating his hands with Ki, he ran them down his hair, flattening it down momentarily.
"Oi Luv, call me Pinach." He said with a smirk and a British accent. "It's my twin brother's name; I'll explain more about him later."
"Right, but you sure this will be enough?" Charlie asked. "All you did was put on some glasses, and change your hair style."
"Hey, it worked for Superman didn't it?" Kaen shrugged still speaking in his fake accent. "I only added an accent."
"True." Charlie said, before leading him into the embassy. "Hello!" She called out as Kaen opened the door, going ahead of her like an actual bodyguard.
"Oi, any wankers in the house?!" Kaen called out. "This place gives me the willies."
"You can say that again." Charlie said, as they stepped up to the reception desk.
Kaen rang the bell, and instantly both of them were faced with sign in sheets.
"Okay, also creepy." Charlie said again, as they both signed in, right before the sheets and quills flew back up.
After that, a set of doors opened up, indicating that's where they needed to go.
"Uh, hello?!" Charlie called out as they stepped in.
"Sup?" Adam asked with a smirk, showing himself as the lights turned on instantly, spooking Kaen and Charlie both.
"Holy shit!" Charlie cried out as she lost her balance, before Kaen caught her.
"Bloody hell!" He exclaimed, helping Charlie to stay steady on her feet. "The fuck's wrong with ya mate? Don't just sneak up on a bloke like that!"
"Pfft, whatever." Adam said nonchalantly as if he did nothing wrong.
"Hi, I'm Charlie, this is my bodyguard Pinach." Charlie said, introducing herself. "My Dad asked me if I could meet you."
"Yeah, I know." Adam said.
"Okay, well, it's nice to meet you." Charlie said.
"Totally, it's nice to meet you too." Adam said politely as he reached out to shake her hand.
Before Charlie could reciprocate, Kaen stopped her, and walked up to Adam, before motioning to slap him, only for his hand to pass right through Adam.
"See Luv? He ain't really here." Kaen said.
"Damn it, you just had to ruin the fun, huh Demon bitch-boy?" Adam asked.
"Oi, I ain't no one's bitch-boy." Kaen stated.
"Uh, so wait, you aren't even here?" Charlie asked.
"No, you think I'd come down there?" Adam asked as he laughed. "No. I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fuckin' hard core, don't get me wrong. But it's such a bummer, man. Everything down there's just so 'eugh' ya know? Ew."
"Right." Charlie said. "So, I'm happy we got this opportunity to meet. There's a project I've been working on that I really wanna talk to you about and…"
"Hey, hey slow down, we got time." Adam said, silencing her with a finger going through her face. "How about we get to know each other, mm? How about some lunch? Ya hungry? I got you." He added, before holding up a plate of ribs. "Here's my personal favorite, you'll love these."
"Ah, thanks…" Charlie said, before going to grab a rib, only for Kaen to stop her again. "What, Pinach what are… Oh right…" She suddenly remembered what Kaen had showed her earlier. "He's not really here, and therefore neither are the ribs."
"I'll order us some food to be delivered to the embassy Luv." Kaen said, before heading for the door to make the call outside it. "Chinese or Italian?"
"How about something from your home country?" Charlie asked.
"Right, Katsudon it is." Kaen said, before leaving the meeting room. "I'll be back in about ten minutes!" He stated before the doors closed behind him.
"Wait… Katsudon came from England?" Adam asked.
"No, he's from Japan." Charlie said, coming up with a backstory within moments. "He was just raised in England since he was about 5, before he died."
~Hotel!~
Husker, Niffty, Angel, and Alastor sat in the lobby foyer of the Hotel, Husker glaring at Angel for flirting with him again, only to stop when Vaggie stepped up, addressing them all, with Eri by her side, munching on an apple-juice flavored popsicle, that Kaen made for her to have as a treat, if she finished all her chores at the Hotel, which were overseen by Vaggie, while he and Charlie were busy handling the meeting with Adam.
"Okay so, Charlie and Kaen are dealing with something very important, so while they're gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents Charlie's vision, and what we're doing here." Vaggie explained, pacing around a bit, before stopping with a hand on her hip. "So, we need a camera. Alastor?"
Alastor snapped his finger, and an old handheld phosphorous camera appeared in Vaggie's hand.
"A video camera." Vaggie said with clear annoyance in her voice.
"Hmm." Alastor said, before snapping his fingers again, replacing the phosphorus camera, with a video camera, that seemed like it was falling apart.
"Alright, let's do this!" Vaggie cheered.
~Later~
"Alright, everyone set?" Vaggie asked, pointing the camera at Angel and Husker, as they were in their places for their scenes in the commercial. "And… Action!"
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel." Husker said, in a robotic voice, reading directly off the script. "Can I help you, with anything?"
Angel got a little creative with his lines.
"I've been a bad boy, and I need a big strong Daddy, to put me in my place." Angel said, in a sexual teasing tone, before he turned it completely around, to how he talked normally. "On the path to redemption!"
Husker grumbled, before he read off his next lines.
"Well, you come…"
"Oh yes!" Angel cried out sexually, taking a provocative pose on the bar counter.
"To the right place." Husker finished with a groan of annoyance.
"Cut!" Vaggie called out, pausing the record button, while looking to where Eri was, seeing Niffty having turned the child away from the scene Angel was displaying, while also covering her ears. "Thank you Niffty."
"No problem." Niffty said. "Kaen would be pissed if he knew Eri saw or heard any of that. An' not in a fun bad boy way."
"Okay, Angel I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk maybe not hold the script up in front of your face?" Vaggie asked, turning back to Angel and Husker.
"I ain't no actor, I can't memorize this shit!" Husker exclaimed.
"Well, we could improve this shit, baby-cakes. Roar." Angel said in a seductive tone, leaning in towards Husker, before the bartender pushed Angel away from him, and sending the spider demon to the ground.
"Whops." Husker said nonchalantly, not even trying to hide the fact that he did that on purpose, before grabbing a bottle of booze.
"Husk, come on!" Vaggie exclaimed, very annoyed with how everything wasn't going the way she'd planned for the commercial.
~Charlie & Kaen~
"So, I was playing this gig, and for some fucking reason, this virtue chick was digging on the drummer, and it's like; Do you know who I am? I'm fucking Adam, I'm the original dick. All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? No way, I'm the Dick-Fuckin' Master!" Adam exclaimed, before eating a rib, while Kaen and Charlie ate some pizza.
"Wow, that's very interesting Bruv." Kaen said. "This story sounds extremely… boring and ego driven."
"Watch your tongue, Demon Filth!" Lute exclaimed.
Kaen just flipped her off, eating another slice of meat lovers pizza.
"Pinach, behave. Just because you couldn't find a restaurant in the city that sells Katsudon, doesn't mean you should be rude to them." Charlie stated, hiding her amusement.
"Fine." Kaen sighed, leaning back, and propping his feet up on the table.
"So anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome." Adam said, eating another rib. "What'd you do this weekend?"
"Oh, nothing much." Kaen said. "Just keeping my brother's kid from being killed by you self-righteous Muppets!"
"Pinach!" Charlie scolded.
"Fine, fine." Kaen huffed. "But just for the record, nothing I said was false."
"Still, that's…" Charlie paused, as realization hit her, and she turned back to the angels across from her. "Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam? That means you-Ohhh…" She paused again, as everything clicked and started to make sense with enlightenment. "That explains so much."
"I know, I fucking rock!" Adam said, holding up a rock-n-roll sign with his hand.
"Don't sprain your wrist, stroking your own ego mate." Kaen said, grabbing another slice of pizza.
"Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam sir…"
"Call me, Dickmaster." Adam stated with a smirk.
"Adam…" Charlie said, with slight annoyance in her voice, and her expression stating she was already wanting to be done with this.
"Yeah, no one here's calling you that mate." Kaen chuckled. "Not with the baby carrot wanker you got."
"You seem like a smart-"
Charlie stopped when an echoing sound, like crying came from Adam's side of the room, sounding like it was coming from behind him directly.
"Adam! Any sign of him?" Kaen heard the familiar sound of Emily's voice, only it sounded frantic, and more panicked.
"No, sorry Princess, haven't found any sign of the Saiyan." Adam shrugged, looking behind his chair.
"Where could he be!?" Emily cried out from somewhere behind Adam, as the sound of her running off could be heard.
"Sorry about that." Adam said. "One of the Seraphim's a little lovesick about this newbie to Heaven who just got here over a week ago, and he's gone missing. Can't find him no matter where we look."
Kaen sighed, hiding his expression, but he could feel the building guilt in his chest. He'd thought Adam was just messing with him when they met, and he said that Emily had fallen for him. But to hear Emily's frantic voice, and the panic in her tone, made him realize that Adam might not have been messing with him at all, whatsoever.
"Anyways, you were saying?" Adam asked.
"Look hotshot." Kaen sighed, sitting up straight with his tone taking on a more professional approach. "We're here because we have a solution to Hell's biggest problem that we could use your help with endorsing."
"Oh, herpes. Yeah that's a bitch." Adam said.
"No, our… other biggest problem." Charlie said.
"Oh, uh… ugly people? Math? Global Warming? No wait that's Earth's problem!" Adam listed off. "Umm-"
~Hazbin Hotel~
A cockroach was scurrying along the ground, minding its own business, before Eri literally pounced on the bug, squishing it there on the carpet.
"Oops." Eri said, noticing the stain the bug guts left. "Sorry Ms. Vaggie."
"It's okay Eri." Vaggie said with a slight chuckle.
"Hehehe… Stab. Stab. Stab!" Niffty repeated, trying to stab another cockroach with a big sewing needle, the size of an industrial nail.
"Alright Niffty. Niffty? Niffty!" Vaggie said, stopping the cyclops demon from stabbing anymore holes into the ground. "Your line is, We have the cleanest rooms. Okay?"
"Got it. I'm ready." Niffty declared.
"This should be good." Eri smiled, sitting next to Niffty, getting in the shot.
"Action." Vaggie said.
Niffty just looked at the camera, before her expression went blank, and disturbing, as she just stared at the camera, right into its lens, not even reacting as Eri waved her hand in Niffty's face to try and snap her out of her trance-like state.
"Uhh… Cut." Vaggie said, stopping the recording.
"How was that?" Niffty asked with a giggle.
"Well, Niffty you actually have to say the line." Vaggie said, preparing for another take. "So, let's role again."
"Okay." Niffty said with an excited nod, after getting over the disappointment she felt.
"Action." Vaggie said.
Though, it was still the same as before, with Niffty just looking right at the camera, her expression blank, and eerily disturbing, with her pupil so small it was barely visible.
"You're doing great, Vagina." Angel whispered.
"Cut!" Vaggie huffed, annoyed at Angel's comment. "Alright, um, maybe we can try to fix it in post."
"Do you even know what that means?" Angel asked.
"I'll figure it out!" Vaggie exclaimed angrily, her hair bristling like needles.
"Vaggie's scary when she's angry." Eri said.
~Later~
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel." Husker's voice came from the TV, as Vaggie was going over the footage she'd filmed earlier, with Angel and Huskers scene, while reviewing it in the dark, groaning in annoyance, since nothing she was doing to film the commercial was actually working, while Eri was lying on the floor, coloring in a coloring book.
"Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hmm?" Alastor asked, making himself known.
"Ugh, este pendejo… Why are you even here?" Vaggie questioned him with a glare.
"For the entertainment!" Alastor said, sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. "I came here, because I love seeing wasteful souls, struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly. Like you are doing now, good job!" He said, finishing that last part as he got to his feet, and in Vaggie's face.
"An' here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that-" Vaggie began, turning the camera on to film Alastor, only to stop as the camera shorted out with green electricity, causing Vaggie to drop it, while Eri hid behind the chair Vaggie was sitting at.
"I wouldn't try that my dear." Alastor said. "This face, was made for radio!" He added, his mouth going still and his eyes turning into radio dials.
Vaggie just looked at him, before her face changed to an expression of annoyance, as she got to her feet.
"Vaggie wait." Eri hissed with a whisper.
"That it!" Vaggie exclaimed. "I don't care who, or what you are. You're staying here, so you're gonna make this work. Because it won't be so entertaining to watch over an empty Hotel, will it shitass?" She added, mocking Alastor's voice with a bad impersonation, when she emphasized the word, entertaining.
Eri just looked around the chair, worried for Vaggie, and contemplating using her emergency signal to call Kaen for help. But she relaxed a bit, with what Alastor said next.
"Fair enough." The Radio Demon said. "I'll tell you what! Let's make a deal."
"Pft! You think I'm that stupid? Making a deal with a demon like you." Vaggie scoffed, sitting back down in her chair, not even looking down as she pulled Eri onto her lap, when the child came around the corner of the chair, and hugged her leg.
"Not for your soul, just a simple deal." Alastor said. "I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology, ever again!"
Vaggie looked down in contemplation, weighing the options in front of her before Alastor spoke again.
"Or… Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing!" Alastor said. "Your choice."
Vaggie thought about it for a moment, before realizing that if another commercial needed to be filmed, Kaen could handle it instead of Alastor.
"Fine." She sighed, setting Eri back on the ground, before grabbing the video camera, and putting it in Alastor's hand.
In an instant, the video camera was enveloped in green lightning.
"Now then." Alastor said, clapping his hand on the camera, making it vanish, before he snapped his fingers, turning the lights on and making the lobby a filming studio.
Everyone, except Husker, got an outfit change to fit Alastor's era of fashion, as the filming equipment manifested, with his shadow pawns operating them. Husker's wardrobe change merely consisted of cuffs and a bowtie being added to his outfit.
"Alright everyone!" Vaggie called out, as she and Eri were the last to get a wardrobe change. "Let's make a fucking commercial."
~Heaven Embassy~
"-When you take her out for the fifth time, and she still expects you to pay the check, but you're like; Hey, I thought you wanted equality?" Adam questioned, still guessing what Charlie and Kaen were talking about, with Hell's other biggest problem.
"No! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!" Charlie exclaimed.
"Seriously, how the fuck did this guy make Angel Army Leader?" Kaen questioned, looking at Charlie.
"Ohh." Adam said in realization, before his face turned amused. "Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered. Lute how many demons did you kill this year?"
"Got a good 275 this year, sir." Lute said, stepping up to him.
"275? Whoa, Badass! Pound it Danger Tits." Adam said, fist-bumping Lute.
"Uh, no, not awesome." Charlie said, getting to her feet. "Those are my people. You know that, right?"
"Ohhh, yeah…" Adam said, sounding sympathetic, before he broke out into laughter. "That must suck for you!"
"But these are souls. Human souls, just the same as the ones you have up in Heaven." Charlie said.
"They are not the same." Lute stated. "They had their chance, and they earned Damnation."
"You're wrong." Charlie said. "Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes."
"Angels, don't make mistakes." Lute said.
"You really believe that bullshit luv?" Kaen asked.
"I know that." Lute stated.
"Yeah, I never made a mistake, in my fucking life." Adam said.
"Really?" Kaen asked. "Then… what happened with Eve at the Garden of Eden?"
Adam and Lute looked at Kaen, like he'd just said something blasphemous.
"This, right here mate, that's the sin of Pride." Kaen said. "You think you're a perfect being, and all that, but the truth of the matter is… You're only in Heaven, because you had a VIP pass, for being the first man, and Heaven played favorites with you, despite having committed every Goddamn sin known to mankind, countless times." He continued, getting to his feet. "How does it feel, knowing that all your accomplishments, are just boastings, based off an egotistic power trip?" He questioned, as the sun outside began to set.
Adam just glared at Kaen, gritting his teeth, before leaning back in his chair.
"Just get to your damn proposal. We're almost out of time." Adam growled.
"Oh! Fuck!-" Charlie exclaimed, before moving around the table past Kaen and standing between the three of them.
~(Que Song: Hell is Forever: Hazbin Hotel!)~
[CHARLIE]
Okay, I've got a lot to get through, and not a lot of time
And I feel like you weren't hearing me before
So here it goes, ahem…
I know Hell's population is out of control
It's a bad situation, it's taking a toll
If we rehab these sinners and cleanse all their souls
At my Hazbin Hotel, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!
Right, extermination
I know you guys fly down just to kill once a year
And it must be annoying to schlep all the way here
If they join you in Heaven, that trip disappears!
You can wave that chore farewell
It'll be a happy day in He—
[ADAM]
Let me stop you right there
[CHARLIE]
Oh
[ADAM]
Save us all precious time
[CHARLIE]
Okay
[ADAM]
If what you're suggesting is letting them climb
Up the ladder oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates?
[CHARLIE]
Well, um
[ADAM]
Sorry sweetie, but there's no defyin' their fates
'Cause Hell is forever, whether you like it or not
Had their chance to behave better, now they boil in a pot
'Cause the rules are black and white
There's no use in tryin' to fight it
They're burnin' for their lives until we kill 'em again
[CHARLIE]
Okay, but
[ADAM]
Just try to chillax babe, you're wasting your breath
Did I hear you imply that they don't deserve death?
Are they winners? Are they sinners?
'Cause it's cut and dry
[CHARLIE]
Well actually, if you take a look—
[ADAM]
Fair is fair, an eye for an eye
[ADAM (ANGELS)]
And, when all's said and done (Said and done)
There's the question of fun
And for those of us with divine ordainment
Extermination is entertainment!
Bow-now-now-nownow, guitar solo, fuck yeah!
Oh, da-ah-ah now-now-n-now-n-now-n-now-n-nownownow
[CHARLIE]
Oh my god...
[ADAM & ANGELS]
Hell is forever, whether you like it or not
Had their chance to behave better
[CHARLIE]
Where did all of you people come from?
[ADAM & ANGELS]
Now they boil in a pot
'Cause the rules are black and white
There's no use in tryin' to fight it
They're burnin' for their lives until we kill 'em again
[ADAM]
Fuckin', Hell is forever and it's meant to suck a lot
So give up your dumb endeavor, 'cause you don't have a shot
Long as I got your attention
I guess I should probably mention
That we made the determination
To move up the next extermination
[CHARLIE]
What?
[ADAM]
Can't wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts
I know it's just been a week, but we'll be back in six months!
[CHARLIE]
Um, wait, didn't you—
Ugh, shit!
~(End Song...)~
Kaen and Charlie stood outside the embassy meeting room. A glare on both their faces, as Adam and Lute had finished with their superiority-complex based song, discriminating the denizens of Hell, and making their declaration of war, within six months, rather than a year.
"Well, that could have gone fucking better." Charlie huffed, as they left the embassy, arms crossed.
"No kidding." Kaen groaned, using his normal voice, while taking off his Scouter.
"What if he's right though?" Charlie asked. "What if hell is forever? What if I really am just wasting my time, like my Dad says?"
"Hey, don't think like that." Kaen said. "I know, you'll be able to make your dream a reality."
"I'm not so sure." Charlie said. "I couldn't even get the leader of the angel army, to take me seriously."
"Well, yeah because he's a sexist misogynistic pig." Kaen scoffed. "He's basically the one who put that view of women, into the minds of humankind."
"Still though, it hurts knowing that my dream may never come true." Charlie sighed, her expression showing just how painful it was to have her dreams continuously mocked.
Kaen looked at her, an expression of sympathy in his eye, before he sighed, and let out a deep breath. A smile came to his face, as the sound of trumpets could be heard echoing through the air. Stepping in front of Charlie, Kaen took her hand, his smile never wavering as he lead her through Pentagram City, heading back to the Hotel.
"Come on Charlie, where's that smile I know you have?" Kaen asked. "Just because you've hit one setback, doesn't mean you should give up. Go beyond, Plus Ultra, and keep your hopes high. Because tomorrow's a new day, and you'll never know what the future may bring."
~(Que Song: High Hopes: PATD!)~
(High, high hopes)
Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing
Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes
(High, high hopes) Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn't know how but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes Mama said
Fulfill the prophecy
Be something greater
Go make a legacy
Manifest destiny
Back in the days
We wanted everything
Wanted everything
(High, high hopes) Mama said
Burn your biographies
Rewrite your history
Light up your wildest dreams
Museum victories, every day
We wanted everything, wanted everything Mama said, don't give up, it's a little complicated
All tied up, no more love and I'd hate to see you waiting Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing
Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn't know how but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes
(High, high hopes) Mama said
It's uphill for oddities
Stranger crusaders
Ain't ever wannabes
The weird and the novelties
Don't ever change
We wanted everything, wanted everything
(High, high hopes) Stay up on that rise
Stay up on that rise and never come down, oh
Stay up on that rise
Stay up on that rise and never come down Mama said, don't give up, it's a little complicated
All tied up, no more love and I'd hate to see you waiting
They say it's all been done but they haven't seen the best of me-e-e-e
So I got one more run and it's gonna be a sight to see-e-e-e Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing
Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes
(High, high hopes) Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn't know how but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes
(High, high hopes) Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing
Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision
Always had high, high hopes Had to have high, high hopes for a living
Didn't know how but I always had a feeling
I was gonna be that one in a million
Always had high, high hopes
(High, high hopes)
~(End Song...)~
Kaen huffed as he finished singing. The words he sang, and the actions he made while singing, lighting a fire of hope in Charlie, as she took his words to heart, and even joined in on his dancing, as they made their way back to the Hotel, reaching the front doors, just as Kaen sang the last few lyrics.
"Thank you Kaen." Charlie smiled softly. "I really needed to hear something uplifting like that."
"Hey, it's what a hero does. We don't just go for flashy hardcore battles you know." Kaen smiled. "Heroes are also there for people, who need someone to lean on. Whether that be from an injury, or emotionally."
Charlie's smile brightened at his words, before her face fell a bit.
"How am I going to explain this to everyone else?" Charlie asked.
"Hey, it's okay." Kaen said. "This news we learned, isn't something that's easy to break to anyone. But it has to be done."
Charlie sighed, knowing he was right.
As he motioned to head into the Hotel, Kaen's eye caught the sight of a small golden ring opening in the skies, before something flew out of it, and began flying around the city.
"Hey, why don't you head back in? There's something I gotta do." I told her.
"Right." Charlie said, turning to the doors, right before Kaen took off flying through the air, unaware of what he was really doing, or what he was following.
~Inside the Hotel~
Charlie stepped inside the Hotel, a worried expression on her face, before Vaggie came running up to her, calling out her name.
"Charlie!" Vaggie said excitedly. "How'd it go? Did they listen?"
"Oh, uh… They sure did… hear it, but um…"
"Oh! Come here! We have something exciting to show you!" Vaggie said, cutting Charlie off by grabbing her forearm, and leading her to the foyer of the lobby. "Alastor pulled some strings, and it's about to air."
"I pulled a few limbs too! Hahaha!" Alastor said proudly, with a laugh.
"Wait? The commercial?" Charlie asked, picking Eri up off the couch, and setting the girl down on her lap. "You all made a new one?"
"Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do say so myself." Angel said.
"That's… that's amazing." Charlie said, choking up on emotions.
"Where's Papa?" Eri asked.
"Oh, don't worry Eri, Kaen had to take care of something, but he'll be back soon. Don't you worry." Charlie smiled softly, booping Eri's nose.
"Shush, it's starting." Angel said, silencing Charlie.
Charlie looked to the TV, just as the commercial began to play. Already she could tell it was a real step up from what Alastor had made.
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hot-"
The commercial was cut short, making everyone let out their own reactions of annoyance and anger, while Niffty just giggled in joy. The cause of the interruption was an emergency broadcast by Channel 666News.
"Breaking news in Hell today!" Katie's distorted voice came through the screen.
"The fuck happened to Katie Killjoy's voice?" Angel asked.
"Papa happened." Eri said.
"Don't even think about making a dick sucking joke." Vaggie said with a glare that was practically daring Angel, to give her a reason to skewer his ass with her angelic spear.
"Spoil sport." Angel huffed.
"We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening, sooner than ever before." Katie said. "Do you know what that means Tom?"
"No. What does that mean Katie?" Tom asked, his voice sounding different as well.
"It means we're all royally fucked!" Katie exclaimed, pushing her face closer to the camera, her right eye twitching.
The channel then switched to live feed of the Extermination countdown clock on the Heaven Embassy tower, just before the countdown spun, and the time was cut in half, by six months.
"Wait… What, why?" Angel questioned, being the only one to voice their concerns.
~Heaven Surveillance Room~
Adam and Lute were in the control room, Adam flying the drone through Hell, to a battlefield, covered in golden blood, with numerous angel corpses lying on the ground, many of them missing their heads, having their guts strewn out everywhere, or even stabbed through the brain or heart.
"We've found…" Lute paused. "We've found numerous bodies, Sir."
"The fuck happened to all of them, who could have done this?" Adam asked, his voice filled with shock and anger.
"They've never managed to kill one of us before." Lute said, her voice filled with anger and emotion. "We should just go down there now, and destroy them!"
"No, no!" Adam said, holding up his hand. "While I feel the same way Lute, we can't risk them catching on. We will find who did this, and when we do, there won't be a demon left alive, to pull another stunt like this, again!"
Before Adam could slam his fist on the drone's feed projector, the sound of something tapping the glass of the drone's camera, came from the projector screen, and they looked up to see Kaen, wearing his Scouter shades again, and his hair slicked down.
"Oi, Baby Carrot!" Kaen called out. "I know you and your bimbo bitch can hear me!"
"The fuck did he just say about my dick?" Adam asked.
"Who does this worm think he is, calling me a bimbo?" Lute growled, as Kaen stepped away from the drone's camera, giving them a full view of him, and the battlefield surrounding him.
"I see you've noticed my handy work." Kaen said, looking around at all the bodies. "Imagine my surprise, when I learned that you bastards could actually be harmed!"
Adam and Lute both froze at that. One Demon, did all that? Killed all those angels, and came out, with minimal injuries? No wonder he was the Princess's bodyguard.
"Now, I know this is why you've cut our timetable for the next Extermination in half." Kaen continued. "But let me make one thing, absolutely clear so even your Muppet brains can comprehend what I'm saying!"
Stomping his foot on the ground, Kaen sent a rather large trident spear flipping through the air, before he swung it around, resting it on both his shoulders. The three blades of the trident were sprouting from a skull design on the base, connecting them to the body of the trident, with the two side blades looking like sickle spider leg blades, while the center blade was a puma spearhead design.
"Unless you want me to blab to all of Hell, that you pompous jagoffs can be killed, and how to kill you. You will keep yourselves far away from Hell, and you will never harm another denizen of Charlie's, Kingdom again. Now I know you can hear me, but I know this drone I'm contacting you through, isn't a two-way thing." Kaen said. "So, I will have your answer, in six months. If you come during the scheduled Extermination Day, then your lives are forfeit."
Adam and Lute looked at him in anger, and shock.
"Until then, fuck off!" Kaen exclaimed, throwing the trident at the drone, skewering it, and cutting off the feed in Hell.
Both angels looked completely shocked, not knowing what to do, before Adam gritted his teeth, and doubled down on his standing.
"Lute, would six months be enough time to get myself in the same physical shape as that Jackass Demon?" Adam asked.
"Theoretically, Sir… it would be cutting it close, but depending on how hard you train, will depend on your progress." Lute said.
"Good." Adam growled. "Because that fucking Demon, is going to learn why I am the man!" He exclaimed, before slamming his fist on the projector, smirking wickedly as the room went dark.