AN: I was working on an existing story, but a random idea came to me, blah blah, had to write it, etc, you guys know the drill.
Enjoy.
Lori Loud had seen a lot of strange and fantastical things in her relatively short life. These things included, but were not limited to: ghosts, ghosts (again) and a dragon, zombies (and another ghost), a villainous organization straight out of a spy movie, and as of the previous Halloween, space aliens. But nothing had shaken her grip on reality like the sight that was currently before her.
"L-lincoln!" She exclaimed, blinking in abject shock at what her eyes were showing her. "You're...clean!"
"...Think you're overselling that a bit, Lori," Her little brother deadpanned. Which...fair point, she might have been, a little.
Lincoln was...hygienic enough, given his age and...boyness. He knew to clean up when a sufficiently special event event was taking place, such as a wedding or a nice party, and he would gladly do so of his own initiative when it was in his best interest to do so, like when he was breaking out the Blue Suit. And twelve years and some change of sharing a home with a gaggle of sisters had resulted in him being on the receiving end of enough passive aggression (and sometimes just regular old aggression) on that front that he would bathe and launder frequently enough to avoid offending people with higher standards than Lynn or Lana (which generally encompassed anything that walked on two legs).
What gave her pause, however, was a new level of Lincoln that she'd never seen before. While not displaying his full hygienic power, her brother had cranked the figurative dial up several notches from where he usually let it sit. He was still sporting his polo shirt and jeans, which she grudgingly admitted would count as reasonably dressy attire for a kid his age, the effect was just diminished because she saw him wearing that literally every day of his life. Still, clothing aside, his hair was washed and freshly combed, his face was still a little ruddy from being freshly scrubbed, and most surprising of all…
"You cleaned your nails!" Lori murmured in wonder as she twisted her brother's hand around for a better look.
"Lori!"
"Sorry, sorry," She apologized, as she released her grip on Lincoln's hand, causing him to immediately yank it back. She took a few moments longer to consider her brother, watching as he massaged the light pink skin that now adorned his wrist, before moving on to lightly patting at his hair, making sure every strand was in place. And then, her hypothesis fully formed, she spoke.
"So," She said, nonchalantly. "Who's the girl?"
"G-girl!" Based on his expression, Lori was pretty confident that had Lincoln been drinking something, it would now be comedically splattered all over her face. "W-who said anything about a girl?"
Lori stifled the grin that was threatening to erupt across her face, and confidently leaned against the wall.
"A sister knows these things, Linky," She said, syrupy sweetness mixed with barely contained smugness oozing from her voice. "Now spill!"
His eyes darted back and forth, making him look uncannily like one of the squirrels Lana kept smuggling into her room, before his shoulders sunk, and he let out a defeated sigh.
"...It's not what you think." He said.
"Oh ho!" Lori chortled, no longer bothering to hide her grin. "I knew it!"
"It's not!" Lincoln protested, scowling at her. "Yes, I've got a girl coming over. Yes, we're going somewhere together, but it is not, I repeat, not a date!"
"...What's her name?" Lori asked, barely containing her excitement as her mind rapidly ran down the list of potential candidates—
"...Kara."
—only to come to a screeching halt.
"I...don't think I know that one," She said, frowning in concentration as she searched her memory. "Wait, I think I remember you mentioning her. She's new, right?"
"Well, I guess she'd be new to you," Lincoln answered. "Seeing as how you don't know her."
"No, no," Lori replied, shaking her head. "I mean she's new in town, right? I'm pretty sure I remember you saying something about a new girl."
"She's not...from here," Lincoln said, nodding very slightly. "We've hung out a lot though. But you've only just moved back from college, so I guess you wouldn't know—"
DING-DONG
Both siblings snapped to attention as the sound of the doorbell rang throughout the house.
"That must be her!/That must be her…" Sister and brother said in unison, before locking eyes once more.
"...Lori," Lincoln began, clearly reluctant. "I've gotta run back and grab some stuff from my room. Could you please go answer the door—"
"I would be happy—!"
"And be normal about it!" Her brother interrupted her, taking another breath before looking her in the eyes. "Please?"
"Of course, Linky," She replied, shooing her brother on his way. "Run along, and I'll go let your little friend in. Who is also a girl."
Lincoln stared at her for several moments longer, before letting out another defeated sigh.
"I'll be right there," He said, gingerly backing away from her before finally committing to his departure, and turning all the way around.
Lori counted off in her head as her brother walked away. Then, when she decided he was sufficiently far enough, she spun on her heel and raced down the hallway, and then down the stairs, taking them two at a time as she quickly made her way to the front door.
"WEEEEEELLLLLL—!" Lori proclaimed as yanked the door open . "—come?"
Standing on the porch was, in fact, a girl, though the term seemed somewhat...inadequate under the circumstances. For one thing, she was around Lori's age, which was definitely out of left field. She was tall, blonde, and curvy, which meant that she immediately cut a striking figure, but it took a few more cycles of processing this information for Lori to realize that she was also extremely solidly built, with her jeans and t-shirt, each at least one size smaller than they needed to be, showcasing the muscular physique that supported her hourglass figure. All in all, she had equally promising futures as either a mannequin for Leni, or a tackling dummy for Lynn.
"I was gonna say 'Take a picture, it'll last longer,'" The girl deadpanned, crossing her arms and leaning slightly backward. "But I'm a little worried you might actually do it."
"I...what?" Lori asked, her eyes snapping upward as she locked gazes with the other blonde. "I wasn't! I mean, you just surprised me!"
"That makes two of us," said the girl, giving Lori a once-over. "Who the hell are you?"
"Seeing as how I'm standing on this side of the doorway, seems like I should be the one asking that question," Lori snarked as she leaned against the door frame.
"...Fair enough," Said the blonde, after a moment of consideration. "I just...kind of thought I'd met all of you by this point, but I guess we can do this again. My name's Kara, I'm here to pick up Linc."
The world briefly shifted into grayscale as Lori's brain crashed and promptly rebooted.
"Kara?" Lori asked, pointing uncertainly at the girl. "You're Lincoln's girl...friend?"
She'd mustered the good sense to add the prolonged space just in time. The phrasing was still somewhat awkward, but since a mistake had clearly been made, she'd assumed that the two of them would just laugh it off as a harmless error.
...Which is why it surprised her when Kara's actual reaction was to stiffen, her eyes growing wide with surprise.
"Did...um," She began, tugging absentmindedly at her shirt collar. "Did he use those words?"
Lori's mouth opened, then shut itself as she watched the formerly cool and collected girl begin to fidget nervously, her face gradually turning more and more pink as the seconds dragged on. And in that moment, she found herself feeling...threatened by the girl. Not in the physical sense, though with her physique Kara was certainly capable of doing that, but on some other, more primal level…
And that was when something else caught her eye.
"Is that your bike?" She asked, pointing past the girl.
"Huh? Oh!" The abrupt change in subject seemingly allowed Kara to regain her composure, as she stepped to the side, revealing a rather impressive-looking motorcycle.
"Pretty cool, right?" She asked, proudly planting her hands on her hips. "I call her, Comet."
"Well, she's literally parked on our walkway!" Lori growled, gesturing emphatically at the offending vehicle.
"...Is that a problem?" Kara asked, staring back blankly.
"Yes!" Lori exclaimed. "Of course it is! Obviously, you can't just park your—!"
"Lori?" Her little brother's voice drifted down the stairs, cutting her off mid-rant. "Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine, Lincoln!" Lori called back, briefly turning her attention back to the house as she did so. "I was just telling your friend, that she can't park her—!"
Lori felt her own voice cut out as she turned back to Kara, and saw that the bike was...gone! No, not gone, just...elsewhere. Her gaze needed to only wander a little further to see that "Comet" was, in fact, parked on the curb like it should have been. Like it...had been? Or so her eyes were currently telling her. Except...it hadn't been? Right?
"Something wrong?" Kara asked, her lips quirking upward in a small smile.
"Y...you!" Lori articulated as she pointed at the empty space behind the other blonde. "I thought…"
"T-telling her what?"
A haggard-sounding voice cut through Lori's pontifications on the nature of reality, bringing her back to the present. She turned around and found Lincoln standing behind her, sweating and doubled over with exhaustion.
"P-please tell me you're not fighting," Her little brother wheezed as he struggled to catch his breath.
"We're not," Lori replied, rolling her eyes. "I was just telling your friend, that—OOF!
Her remaining words were forcibly expelled from her lungs, as Lori found herself unceremoniously shoved aside. Flailing her arms and digging her heels in, she barely managed to maintain her footing. Then she turned to address the likely suspect for her impromptu trip.
And glowered at what she saw.
"Lincoln!" Kara cried happily, as she swept the younger boy up and hugged him tightly to her chest. "There's my special little guy!"
That was the last straw, Lori was certain she felt something literally snap inside her as she watched the older girl accost her little brother.
"Cut that out, RIGHT NOW!" Lori barked, channeling every ounce of sisterly fury she possessed into her words.
To her surprise, their response was simply a pair of blank stares.
"Lincoln?" Kara whispered, so loudly as to render the gesture pointless. "Did you know you have a crazy lady living in your house?"
"I'm not crazy!" Lori snapped, "And I'm definitely not a lady! I'm his sister!"
"Another one?" Kara asked, looking down into her cleavage. "Seriously, Lincoln, how many sisters do you have?"
"All of the ones you met before, plus her," Came Lincoln's slightly muffled voice.
"Right. And that is...certainly a number…"
"Look! Just…" Lori exhaled, trying to ignore the rhythmic drumming in her head that was urging her to pounce on the interloper who had invaded her home.
"One, who are you," Lori continued, counting off on her fingers as she did so. "Two, what are you doing here? And three—!"
She vaguely gestured in the pair's direction.
"—What is all this?" Lori concluded, wearily.
Again, Kara's gaze dipped downward. "Does she really not know?"
"She's been away at college," Lincoln replied.
"Oh, well that explains it." With that, Kara put Lincoln back on the ground and turned her attention back to Lori.
"I...guess, we might have gotten off on the wrong foot," She said, chuckling as she held out one hand towards Lori. "My name's Kara. Kara Danvers. And you're...I want to say, Loni?"
"Lori, actually," The elder Loud said dryly as she took the hand and gingerly shook it.
"Oh. Well, I got most of the letters."
"…And you're here because?"
"Oh," Kara replied, as she dropped the awkward handshake. "Well, I'm here because Lincoln…"
She reached out and pulled the boy into a side hug.
"...is my partner." She concluded, with a big smile on her face.
Lori's jaw swung open like a rusty drawbridge.
"For the Royal Woods chapter of the official MAMX league," Kara added, ruffling the boy's hair, much to his annoyance. "We're local co-champions."
"...I feel like you intentionally made that misleading," Lori muttered, eyeing the other girl balefully. "And MA...uh…"
"It's an acronym for Maximum Assault Mech X," Lincoln supplied. "Which...is a lot to get into, but the important thing is that there's a competition where contestants fight each other using remote-controlled, individually customized robots."
He reached behind his back and produced what appeared to be a toy robot, painted red, blue, and black.
"Cool, huh?" He asked, holding out the robot for Lori to see. "This is the Ace Savvy MKII! And it's going to take us to regionals this year!"
"Duuuude!" Kara groaned, shaking her head in annoyance. "I keep telling you, if you're going to take that route, there are way cooler superheroes to theme your mech after.
"Like who?"
"Um, like Supergirl!" Kara replied, producing a similar-looking robot, painted in blue, red, and gold, with a familiar-looking S emblazoned across the chest.
"There are exactly zero universes where Supergirl is cooler than Ace Savvy," Lincoln scoffed.
"But she's real!" Kara protested. "She's an actual superhero! With actual superpowers! Who fights actual crime!"
"She doesn't even have a comic book!"
"Well, maybe someone should write one about her! She deserves it!"
"I agree! I would love to read it!"
"Both of you shut up!" Lori barked, mercifully cutting the argument(?) short. She let out a groan as she massaged her now throbbing temples, before finally turning back to Kara.
"You!" She said, jabbing her finger at the other blonde. "You're not trying to kidnap my brother or anything, right?"
"Nnnnoooo?" Kara replied, blinking in a slow, confused manner. "I'm taking him to our fight, and we'll probably grab a pizza or something after. Based on how things usually go, I'll probably have him back like, nine-ish, at the latest."
"And you promise you won't let anyone else try to kidnap him, or something? It's happened. Literally, multiple times."
"Heh," Kara chuckled, flexing one arm and smiling confidently as her bicep swelled, threatening to tear through her jacket. "I'd like to see em' try!"
"I'd rather they not," Lori deadpanned. "But...fine. In that case, both of you leave."
She pointed out the opened doorway.
"Now!" She added.
Lincoln and Kara exchanged mildly perplexed looks, before shrugging at each other and walking out the door. Mildly relieved that...whatever that was had ended, Lori leaned against the doorway and watched the pair as they left
"I should ask Lisa if she has something for this headache," Lori muttered, as she stepped back into the house and began closing the door…
...only to catch a glimpse of Lincoln taking Kara by the hand just before the door slid shut.
"And, maybe I should check if that satellite-mounted laser of hers is still operational…"
"Oh hey!" Lincoln exclaimed as he and Kara arrived at her bike. "You remembered to park Comet at the curb this time!"
"Yeeeees!" Kara replied, her smile growing slightly more wooden. "That is a thing that I remembered to do this time. Because you keep reminding me!"
"Well, I'm glad," Said Lincoln. "I mean, I don't mind, but my parents were complaining about your...uh, usual parking space? And Lori's the type who'd probably fly off the handle if she'd seen it."
"I bet she would," Kara muttered, as she removed the kickstand of her bike and straddled the machine with her long, shapely legs.
"...Oh," Lincoln said, now giving the bike a more critical look. "I thought you said that Babs would be adding a sidecar after what happened last time."
"She's got a lot on her plate," Kara replied, picking up her spare helmet and offering it to the boy. "And I'm not just talking about the burritos. But its fine, we'll just do the usual."
"If you're sure…" Lincoln said, still feeling uncertain. Nevertheless, he put on the helmet, and with only a small amount of difficulty, managed to slide onto the bike directly behind Kara.
"This good?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"You're gonna fly off with a wussy grip like that, Linc," Kara replied, chuckling in amusement. "Come on, I'm a tough gal. Really dig in there!"
"How about now?" He asked, tightening his hold on the older girl to the point where his face was pressing into her back.
"Thaaaaaat'll do," Kara said, letting out a sigh of contentment as the engine roared to life. "That...will do..."
AN: I chose not to classify this as a crossover in the hopes of preserving the punchline of the joke at the center of this thing. :)