Written for The Houses Competition Y11, Round 6
House: Gryffindor
Class: CoMC (Stand-in)
Category: Drabble
Prompt: [Speech] "Cake is not a valid excuse."
Word count: 587
Betas: Queenie, CharlieManx, Bailey
Notes: Canon divergence. Barty Crouch Jr. and Severus Snape live. Severus is in a romantic relationship with Voldemort.
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Voldemort opened the kitchen door, and for a second, he thought he had stepped into another dimension. All sorts of things were flying across the room, from flour and eggs to whipped cream and something that looked like chunks of chocolate cake. From the opposite ends of the kitchen, his two most capable followers were shouting and flicking their wands, locked in a food fight.
The Dark Lord just stood there, watching Severus Snape and Barty Crouch Jr. reach this new level of crazy. It wasn't until an egg flew his way and he swished it away with such force that it made a small dent in the wall, that the two Death Eaters noticed his presence.
They both froze and dead silence fell between them.
"Have you gone completely mental?" Voldemort demanded coldly.
Severus and Barty lowered their wands, muttering apologies.
Voldemort knew it was Severus's fault–it usually was. The potions master was stupidly jealous of young Barty, who, apart from Severus, continued to be his most loyal servant. Even though it was Severus the Dark Lord had chosen to share his life and bedroom with, the Death Eater was still insecure and used any excuse to pick a fight with Barty.
Voldemort crossed his arms over his chest. He had discussed the issue with Severus extensively many times already and it was at him that he directed his irritation.
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
Clenching his jaw, Severus shot Barty a hateful look.
"He ruined my cake!" he hissed through gritted teeth.
"To be fair, you did smash my face into it," Barty cut in but Voldemort ignored him.
"He ruined your cake," the Dark Lord repeated slowly. "Your cake?" he hissed incredulously. "Cake is not a valid excuse."
Severus opened his mouth to say something but the murderous look on his master's face silenced him. Voldemort glanced around the kitchen littered with baking ingredients, then fixed his gaze on Barty's face, smeared with chocolate cake, and the young Death Eater quickly lowered his eyes.
"I'm not even going to ask why you were baking a cake," Voldemort addressed Severus icily, "or why it's all over Barty's face. But this behavior is unacceptable, as I have told you repeatedly, Severus."
Severus swallowed hard.
"Yes, Master," he said quietly, his eyes downcast. "I apologize, Master."
At least he had the decency to be remorseful. Voldemort drummed his fingers against his arm in annoyance.
"What am I going to do with you two? Individually, you are my most capable followers. Together, you behave like spoiled children who can't be in each other's company and must be kept separated by their teacher." The corners of Barty's mouth twitched. "You think that's funny, Barty?" Voldemort demanded.
"No, Master," he said innocently. Turning to Severus, he bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. "I'm sorry my face ruined your cake, Snape."
Clenching his fists with anger, Severus did a spectacular job of refusing to look at his fellow Death Eater. Voldemort raised an eyebrow. They had pressing issues to address right now. He would have to deal with the two idiots later.
"If you two are done, we have actual matters to discuss. Once you've sorted out this mess, you can join me in my rooms."
The Dark Lord left with a swirl of his robes, and the two Death Eaters stared at each other hatefully for a good minute before they got to cleaning up the terrible mess their fight had caused in the kitchen.