Ace quietly perched on the roof and watched all the others in the courtyard. He wanted to go join them but couldn't bring himself to move as he felt his stomach twist. Ever since waking up that morning he had felt on edge and all his senses felt like they were in overdrive. Something was going to go wrong. It had to… everything was too perfect right now. He was happy?
He heard a sigh next to him and didn't even flinch, having grown accustomed to the fact that Rayleigh would randomly appear. He had finally realized that the man's haki was picking up spikes of his emotions and for some reason, the man seemed to care.
"Don't tell your brother but I've got something else for you." Rayleigh said as he took a drink.
Ace looked at the man curiously. "Why would you do that? I don't need more than the feather and Luffy will pout when he realizes."
Rayleigh hesitated for a moment but tossed a beaded chain at him. "Luffy already has Captain's hat and Roger would want you to have something of his, even if you hated him." Ace immediately tensed up but Rayleigh was glad to see he didn't flee. "I know you aren't ready for this but I think it may help you if you allow it. And if not, well I ask that you keep it as it is special to me, but you can throw it in the bottom of your junk and forget all about it."
Ace grimaced but looked at the chain anyways. It was finely made with small beads along the length. The beads all had little designs and he as he studied them, he picked out Roger's jolly Rodger, a straw hat, a red S and blue B, and familiar round glasses. But it was the spade that drew his eyes and made them water.
"He added beads for all the important people and things in his life." Rayleigh said fondly. "I got him the first couple when I noticed how he'd fidget when he got anxious."
Ace snorted. "What did he have to be anxious about? Strongest pirate around, with haki that could level whole islands."
"I've told you before, you don't know who he really was." He looked at the boy sadly. "You never got the chance to know him. Yes he was strong, and there weren't many that were a threat to him personally but he was a captain. We had weaker crew members and he had friends that he cared for on islands all over the grand line. We were a crew that made enemies. You were a captain. You know that every decision you make can cause ripples that affect everyone around you. We had friends die simply because they were our friends but we couldn't be everywhere all the time. So yes, Roger had anxieties and self doubts. For all his power, he was still human."
He sighed. "His anxiety is one trait that I wish he hadn't passed to you but I can see it did. Your father found it helped to fiddle with the beads. Something about keeping his hands busy and the different textures. It stopped him from hurting himself anyways. So now feel free to use it or don't." Having said his piece, Rayleigh went to go join the others, but froze when he felt Ace clasp at his arm.
"I'm sorry." Ace mumbled.
"What are you sorry for?" Ray said carefully settling back down.
"I don't know. For being angry and pushy and running away. For not being able to forgive and forget a lifetime of issues. For not being the kid you and my parents wanted."
"Let me make one thing clear. Me and your parents wouldn't change a single thing about you. You are exactly what we all wanted and they would have loved you no matter what you did. Hell you could have even been a marine and they would have still agreed that you were the best damn kid in the world. There is no right or wrong way for you to feel or act Ace. There is just the way you are. I wish life had been kinder to you and I wish you had everything this world could give you but I don't want you to be anyone but yourself." Rayleigh said firmly.
"You don't understand." Ace's voice cracked. "I'm cursed. I'm not safe for anyone to care about, they just get hurt."
"Ace,"
"No. Something bad is going to happen… I've got too much good at the moment. Every time I feel really happy, I lose something. Sabo, Thatch. This time I almost lost Luffy."
"Hey," Rayleigh interrupted as Ace started breathing faster. "I'm sorry about Thatch. He was a good kid and I know that his loss is a heavy burden. But from what I heard, his death had nothing to do with you. It was brought on by greed and the betrayal of someone who has been on that crew since before you were even born. As for your brothers," he pointed below them. "They are both right there and living out their dreams. But I'm sure both of them would agree that having you in their life is worth any struggle they've faced."
"Well they might say that but they're both idiots." Ace sniffed.
Rayleigh laughed loudly. "I can't deny they they have their moments. Doesn't change how they feel. Or how your Pops feels." He clasped Ace on the shoulder and gave a quick squeeze. "Maybe you should give him a call and find out what he believes."
"I don't want to upset Shanks." Ace said softly.
"Kid, Shanks would never try to stop you from connecting with your family. He just wanted to give you time to heal physically and emotionally before facing them. His issues with Whitebeard are between them," He paused, eyes glinting in realization. "and you know that… you're just stalling."
Ace flushed. "I disobeyed direct orders and got myself caught. They almost went to war because of me!"
"For you Ace. And don't shoulder all the blame. Whitebeard could have stopped you if he had wanted to. But he believes in freedom and choices and none of you could have foreseen what would happen. Now, I know no child that came from Portgas D. Rouge could be a coward, so go on and call your Pops." He tried to hide the flicker of pain in his face but Ace caught it.
"Rayleigh? You would have been a good dad to have but I've already got a pops."
Rayleigh nodded. "Whitebeard is a good man and I'm glad you found someone to fill that role."
"You know, me and Lu already share one shitty grandpa… it's not fair if he gets to keep the cool one for himself." With that Ace quickly jumped off the roof and raced off, missing the tears that finally spilled over Rayleigh's cheeks.
Marco was patrolling the deck when he heard a loud shriek coming from the the communication room. He bolted to the room, quickly shoving his way through the crowd of his brothers. "Back up yoi. Is everyone okay?" He finally made it into the room and stared confused at the four men who were currently wrestling over a poor Den Den. "Alright! Break it up yoi! I mean now!" He barked annoyed when they ignored him.
Instantly the men bolted to their feet and Marco glared at them. He held out his hand and they sheepishly handed over the snail. "You've reached Moby Dick 1. Who is this?"
There was a moment of silence before an awkward voice spoke up. "Hi Marco. It's uh- it's Ace. Is Pops around?"
"Ace?" He gasped as his brothers pushed up behind him again. He shoved them away and raised a talon warningly. The crew glared but obligingly backed off enough for him to push through the room and take off for Pops. "Pops! It's Ace!" He yelled as he passed the snail.
"Ace!" Pops said. The line stayed quiet and Marco groaned in exasperation.
"I'm sorry, I screwed up and you have every right to be furious with me. You all could have been hurt and it would have been all my fault. Please don't kick me off the crew? I -"
"Ace! Son, I'm so glad to hear your voice. Are you hurt? That Red Haired br- Shanks better have treated you right."
"I'm fine Pops. Honest. Hongo took very good care of me and… and Shanks helped me with, well, I am less angry than before."
"Well then I'm thankful for him. Now where are you son?"
"I'm sorry Pops, but I can't tell you that. I owe Shanks and his crew my life, and my brother's life."
"Yes, of course your brother. I'd like to meet this rookie who risked so much for one of my sons. He would make a wonderful addition to our family."
"He won't join Pops. He's determined to do it on his own and become the King of the pirates. Besides, he's already got a dad… and I don't think he is willing to share." Ace chuckled.
"What a cheeky brat he must be. Well we will just have to wait and see. Maybe the kid will end up in my territory."
Ace winced but decided to leave that argument for the future. As much as he loved his family and crew, he knew that Luffy wouldn't give in like he had and he wouldn't be happy if he did. "Pops. I'm sorry I left against your orders. And then I failed to kill the traitor. I understand if you would like me to leave the crew."
"Leave my crew! And what, join that red haired party boat!"
"What? No of course not! I wouldn't betray you like that. I just, I screwed up really bad."
"Am I not still your father?" Pops boomed.
"Of course!" Ace said immediately.
"And are you not still my son?"
"Yes." Ace said firmly.
"Well there is no mistake my son could make that I would not forgive. I love you and once you are a part of this family, you are part of it forever."
"Yes Pops," Ace sniffed.
"Good. Now no more talk of this. You are forgiven and we would like you to come home."
"Yeah and Ace? You better be ready for a full check up yoi. I don't care if Hongo has given you a clear bill of health, you don't get to do anything until I check you over myself. Understood?" Marco just had to add in.
"Oh yes son. That's going to make him want to rush on back." Pops said laughing.
"Hey! Sorry for putting health and safety first." Marco joked back. "Now I hope you have a moment here Ace cause there is some people who want to talk to you." With that he opened the door and glared at the amassed crowd standing outside. He held up the Den Den and glared at his brothers. "Share!" He warned before passing it to Deuce.