Hello! Sorry for the delay in chapters! Things have been a little crazy here and will continue to be for a bit. Unfortunately, this means that my posts will become less frequent. With having to work extra because of a lack of employees in one section, I have had to pick up extra shifts (along with this past weekend being Labor Day weekend). In addition, I will be attending Comic Con in New York (woot woot!) so I need to finish my costumes since some of the materials have taken a while to get in (and I have been waiting on the funding too!). For those of you wondering, I will be the Red Queen/Queen of Hearts (my own unique costume!) and Samantha Carter from Stargate SG-1, not sure if I will have a third costume… it all depends on time and funds, but, if possible, I would love to be Chell from Portal. I know, I know… why not my version of Jane Shepard? Funding… and time… I would really only want to do the N7 armor (to make it obvious) and besides, I don't have a Garrus!

Anyway, enough with the little insight into my life, here are the next TWO chapters! Because I felt bad about missing last week and I didn't want to leave you with the little cliffhanger at the end of Chapter 13... so, I left you with a different one. A very big thank you to everyone (as always!) reading/following/favoriting and reviewing! Love you all! And if you ever have a question/suggestion or just want to chat it up, please send me a PM! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 13

Gripping the edge of the table, Garrus sighed, staring at the console but not seeing what was on the screen. His mind was lost, still recapping the events of the night before, wondering what was consuming him. I should tell John. But… tell him what? 'I love your sister but am too scared to tell her?' She would never have me, I am a turian. Technically, nothing had happened between him and Jane, ever, But you have thought about it, Vakarian.

He had woken up late again, facing her, their foreheads fractions away from each other. Garrus had wanted to close the distance, but they were friends, and he didn't want to betray her trust. Her hands had been tucked under her pillow, her breathing steady, and she looked calm yet sad in the same moment. Moving his head away from hers, he reached his talon out to push back a small strand of her fringe that had fallen loose from its weaving, but he stopped, unsure how she might react to his touch. Sitting up, he looked down to see that the movement had awoken Jane.

"Morning," his voice rumbled.

She looked up at him, blinking a few times to focus with a warm smile on her face. Her smile fell slightly and she scooted back to the edge of the bed, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, "Morning. Did I talk you into staying again?"

Garrus turned to face her and backed up to the edge as well, distancing himself from her, "No, you didn't. Besides, I should be apologizing. I believe I fell asleep first. You were talking to me one minute, I responded and in the lapse between topics I must have dozed off."

"Um… well, thanks for talking with me last night. So, I guess, that means thanks for breaking in."

"You're welcome. Glad I could help." Standing up, he smoothed out his clothes and scratched his fringe with his talons, "I suppose I should leave before they try to access the door again."

"I don't think they will get far without you, big guy."

They shared a laugh and he watched her pull golden fringe over her shoulder to play with the end of it; he wavered in his stance, wanting to return to her. Clearing his throat, he looked away from her, "Have you decided where we are heading?"

She nodded, "We're going back to the Citadel. There is a fleet being mobilized to deal with Saren. And if I have anything to say about it, the Normandy will be at the head of it."

"Sounds good, Commander."

Garrus shook his head, snapping himself out of his daydream. Maybe I should tell her. Just admit that I feel something towards her… and whatever she decides, it will be good enough. But there was another small voice in the back of his mind, She'll be disgusted by you. She doesn't need someone that could damage her in a loving embrace. She deserves – wants – another human.

Jane grumbled and rubbed her eyes; she would be starting rounds soon but she couldn't think straight. Why can't I get him out of my head! Shutting her eyes, she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly; she had rounds to get to. She held her breath as she opened her eyes to look at herself. She sighed and brought herself upright, ran her hands over her hair to smooth back any stray pieces that had missed the bun, and pulled on the edge of her uniform to straighten it.

Certain that her commander persona was back, she exited her quarters. She nodded to the few crew members that stood in the room. They stared at her for a moment then remembered themselves and gave a sharp salute. As she entered the med-bay, she was greeted by Liara and Karin.

"Shepard!" Liara couldn't hide her surprise.

Chakwas was a little better, "Commander," she said calmly.

"Liara, Dr. Chakwas," Shepard nodded. "Just checking in before we hit the Citadel. How is everything? Any supplies we need when we dock?"

"Only the standard items, I have already have my list together, I'll send it to you before we arrive."

Jane was glad that Karin was acting as if nothing was different about her, but she knew it wouldn't be the same with everyone. "Sounds good. Liara?"

"Shepard, I am glad to see you again. Are you feeling alright?"

Jane gave a small smile, "Thank you, Liara, I am feeling fine."

"Shepard, I know that I am probably out of line, but I am sorry about Williams. She will be missed."

"Thank you, Liara. We will all miss her, but she will be remembered. Let's just not make her sacrifice worthless."

"Yes, Commander."

Exiting the med-bay, she looked over but didn't find Kaidan anywhere in sight. Skipping his post, she went to the elevator. She braced herself as the doors opened and tried her best not to look at the weapons table where Ashley would normally be standing. "Wrex," she greeted.

"Shepard."

It was his usual grunt, but it almost seemed sadder to her somehow. "Feeling alright?"

"I am. What about you? Virmire was a little rougher than expected."

Jane decided to keep her response short, "It was… for both – all – of us."

"Sorry about pulling a gun on you, Shepard. The 'krogan rage' is a… fickle thing."

"But you didn't shoot," she smiled, "that is the important thing. And, hey, I pulled a gun on you too."

"Out of instinct. Self-defense. I don't blame you or hold it against you. I am curious though, Shepard, would you have shot? Or ordered my death?"

"I couldn't do that to you, Wrex. You are my friend. And besides… I still have to beat you in that drinking contest."

"Ha! Can't wait for that. Just don't let your pride get you killed, I know a few who would be heart-broken over that," he smirked at her.

"John and Joker are a given."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about them."

Jane narrowed her eyes at him, trying to figure out what he meant. Brushing it off, she waved to him. "See you around, Wrex." He gave a goodbye nod and she turned around to get to her next target. Looking across the room at him, he seemed to be deep in concentration as he stared at the console. Taking a deep breath, she drew closer to him, "Hey, Garrus."

The turian snapped his head up in her direction and stood tall, "Shepard." Looking down at her, he saw that she looked like her usual self, commander-mask in place. Finishing his once over of her, he noticed her neck seemed to look normal again. Tapping a gloved talon to his own neck, he said, "So that kind of injury heals quickly?"

"Huh?" she mimicked his gesture and touched her own neck, "Oh… actually it is just make-up. I didn't want to go around freaking everyone out." The corner of her mouth struggled in a smile but fell flat. "I feel like I should ap – " Jane was cut off by a set of arms that wrapped around her, picked her up in a hug and spun her around. "John you asshole, put me down." When her feet were back on the ground, she glared up at him and pulled on the edge of her uniform to smooth it back out.

John moved his arm up to her shoulders and leaned against her slightly, "Jane, I know that you may not want to talk about it, but we are all here for you." He watched her only nod and he looked up at Garrus. The turian's face was unreadable, his eyes and mandibles giving away nothing. "I know how hard this has been for you and I know the rest of us can't imagine making that choice ourselves. A small part of me wishes that you would have let me go after them," he saw her look away and begin to shake her head, "but… I know that I could never let you risk yourself like that. I love ya, sis."

"Love you too, brother," she gave a faint smile. She looked up at Garrus and then back to John.

"Oh, sorry," John looked between them, "did I interrupt something?"

Their eyes met and Garrus spoke up, "Not at all, John. I was just offering my condolences to Shepard." Turning back to Jane, he said, "And if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find us."

"Thank you, Garrus. Since I have you two here, I want you guys on the squad when we go to the Council. You were both on the ground team at Virmire so I think it is the best choice."

"Just us three?" John asked.

"I plan on asking Kaidan to join us as well. He was defending the bomb and was with us when Saren confronted us." The men nodded in agreement. "Well, I better get back to my rounds."

They watched her walk towards the engine room and John leaned against the console. Once he saw the door shut behind his sister, he said calmly, "So, Garrus. I have to ask you something."

Spirits, he knows. Tell him everything. Wait, nothing has happened. "Sure, about what?"

"Remember when I asked you to help keep an eye on my sister?" John looked up at his friend only to see the picture of serenity. Maybe I was wrong, "You would tell me if you knew something, right?"

"Of course, but are you trying to get at something specific, John?"

"You were able to hack her door and you chose not to yesterday," John said a little sternly.

Garrus paused and stared back at John. "She didn't need all of us forcing our way in there. None of us know what it is like to make a choice like that and we couldn't make her talk before she was ready."

"But you did force your way in there and made her talk."

"Yes I broke her encryption, but I didn't make her talk. She did need someone to talk to, I just sat and waited. I think she shut herself away feeling too guilty to face any of us. But when someone showed that they wouldn't judge her or hold it against her, she was able to talk through it."

"Since when did you become an expert on Jane? And humans? You seem to understand us a lot more now."

"I'm just… observational."

John studied his friend, Of course he would tell me. Shit, I should just drop this, I feel stupid now. "Ah, never mind, I know it was juvenile for asking and for trying to keep tabs on her. I just know that you two are pretty close."

Garrus chuckled, "You are right, it was a little juvenile, but I understand. You just want to protect her, I would do the same for my sister."

"Huh, you never shared that you have a sister. Why didn't I know about her?"

"Same way I didn't know about your sister, it never came up," his mandibles twitched into a grin.

"Heh, touché."

"Shepard! I am so glad to see you," Tali said moving closer to hug her friend. "I know you probably don't need to, but do you want to talk about anything?"

"Thanks, Tali, but not right now. I just came by to do final checks on everyone. We are going to fill the Council in on what happened at Virmire and hopefully be at the front of the fleet to confront Saren. Maybe this time we can finish it."

"I hope so, Shepard."

"Let me know if you need anything," Jane waved to her and made her way back to the door.

"Same to you," Tali called out.

Jane gave a half wave over her shoulder as she exited. Chancing a look at Garrus's station, she saw that he and John were talking and decided to head up to check in on Joker. She was feeling a little self-conscious as she walked by everyone, but no one seemed to be acting any differently. This was new for her; she couldn't remember the last time she felt out of place. Approaching the cockpit, she saw that Joker wasn't alone and Kaidan sat in the co-pilot's chair. "Gentlemen, how are things?"

They both turned to her, Joker just looked up from the brim of his hat with a smirk and Kaidan leapt to his feet.

"Commander," Alenko started, "how are you feeling? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not now, Kaidan. I am fine," she held her hand up to him so he wouldn't come closer. "I know that you probably have some questions for me, but today is not the day, okay? Maybe after we talk to the Council, speaking of which, you will be joining the team when we speak to them, if you are feeling up to it."

"Yes. And you are right, Shepard, I do have some questions," he rubbed the back of his neck and glanced down at Joker then back to Jane. "Thank you."

"Everything else going well, though?"

"Yes, thank you. I'll see you in the air lock when we are ready to dock."

Jane nodded as he left and ignored the touch of his fingers on her arm as he passed, it was nothing to her. Turning to her pilot, she sat down in the co-pilot's chair, "Joker, what's our ETA?"

"Not much longer, only another hour." He glanced at her again and bit his lip trying to hide his laugh.

"Alright, what is it?"

He shrugged and looked down the hallway to make sure they were in the clear, "So, have a nice visit last night? It didn't turn into a booty call, did it?"

"What?"

"Please," he rolled his eyes, "don't play dumb with me. Garrus snuck into your room last night, didn't he?"

Jane froze but remained calm, "He just came by to talk, see if I was okay after Virmire."

"Oh, really? Is that all that happened?"

"What are you trying to say, Joker?"

"You know what I am trying to say! I just said it," at her blank look he rolled his eyes again and leaned closer to her. "He stayed there for quite a long time and basically in the middle of the night… well, early morning. Did you two… you know…" he waggled his eyebrows with a wide smile on his face.

"Joker!" Jane scolded, "He and I are just friends, and he is best friends with John!" she hissed. "Damn Joker, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Well, then what did you guys do?"

"Nothing," she whispered, "We talked. We watched a movie, that's it."

"Uh huh…"

Garrus tightened his glove as he made his way to the air lock. They would be arriving at the Citadel soon and this was a critical moment for them. With any luck, they could finally put a stop to Saren and Sovereign. He was early, he knew that, but he couldn't focus on his work anyway. Just before turning the corner, he heard a voice call out.

"Hey, Vakarian!"

"Joker," the turian replied as he leaned in the doorway. The pilot turned in his chair to face him with a smirk on his face. Uh oh, that isn't a good thing to be greeted with.

"Sit for a while. I have a question for you."

"I prefer to stand, what is it?"

"So, you and the commander had a little movie night last night, huh?"

His mandibles clamped down, "What of it?"

"Eh, just curious. What movie did you guys watch?"

"Uh, The Italian Job?"

"Which one? The original, the first remake, or the second one done in 2119?"

"The first remake, I believe."

"Oh man! I love that one!"

Garrus quirked up a brow plate, "You know it?"

"Hell yeah, I know that one! Jane made me watch it when we first started hanging out. The Napster was my favorite character."

"Heh," Garrus chuckled, "I thought the womanizer or even the woman would be your favorite."

"Jane thought that too. I don't know, I just associate with him more. Cool guy, I gotta say! So what did you think of it?"

"It was good, but they went too soft on the guy that betrayed him. I would have killed him."

"Well, I don't know about that, but you are a little more 'cut and dry' than I am. I know it is just a movie, but even in real life, karma is a bitch."

Garrus waited for the explanation of 'karma' to read out on his visor and was about to comment until he heard a voice behind him.

"Enough chit-chat, boys," Jane said. "Joker?"

"Just getting ready to dock, Shepard."

Garrus looked back at her and gave a small nod which she returned. They waited in the air lock and they were soon joined by Kaidan and John. Everyone was silent as they felt the ship dock. The concentration on Jane's face was obvious and she would have no patience for games today.

"Only you have seen the reapers," the asari councilor drawled, "and then only in visions. We won't invade the Terminus systems because of a dream."

They are ignoring me again! They will kill us all! Jane struggled to keep her composure but it was waning. "If Saren finds the Conduit, we're all screwed! We have to go to Ilos!"

Garrus, John, and Kaidan shared a look of shock as the Council made it obvious that they were basically going to sweep this under the rug, again.

"Ambassador Udina," Councilor Sparatus said sharply, "I get the sense that Commander Shepard isn't about to let this go."

Udina turned on the commander, he wasn't about to let her ruin this for him, "There are serious political implications here, Shepard. Humanity's made great gains thanks to you, but now, you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."

Jane narrowed her eyes at him and couldn't stop herself from raising her head a little higher.

"You bastard! You're selling us out!" Kaidan shouted from behind Shepard. John glanced over at the lieutenant, a little happy that he wasn't being the 'perfect soldier' at the moment.

Udina turned back to the Council, "It's just politics, Commander," he glanced over his shoulder at her, his eyes narrowing in distaste. "You've done your job now let me do mine. We've locked out all the Normandy's primary systems until further notice… you're grounded." He turned his head forward again, a smug smile on his face.

"Are you insane? After everything I have done, you still don't believe me!"

"I think it's time for you and your team to leave, Commander. This no longer concerns you. The council can handle this… with my help of course."

Jane glared at the man's back then back up at the Council, they had already stopped acknowledging her presence. Garrus and John moved aside to allow her to pass and she stormed out of the chamber with what little composure she had left, with her team following behind in silence.

"We have to find a way to get to Ilos," Jane muttered.

"It's not right! They can't do this to you! To us!" Kaidan ranted in the elevator. "How can Udina ground the Normandy? You are a Spectre!"

"He did," Jane said coldly. "That's all that matters."

"What's your plan, Jane?" John asked quietly.

She didn't answer him. She only stared straight ahead.

Jane threw her fist into the punching bag and heard it creak as it threatened to break loose. Looking down at her hands she saw the gentle glow of her biotics flaring around her fists and up her arms. Taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes tightly and slowed her heart rate. God dammit, I still don't feel calm… if only I could spar with someone, but even I don't trust myself right now. Exiting the gym she made her way back to her room.

Stopping at the door, she turned to her locker, maybe dealing with her weapons would give her a new outlook. She kneeled down to rummage in the bottom, cleaning out the old mods that were still sitting there; she barely heard the footsteps behind her.

"Commander, are you alright?" Kaidan said cautiously. He watched Jane turn and slump down against the locker. "I'm sure there is a way to appeal. We're under Alliance authority after all, not the Council."

Jane shook her head, feeling a little helpless, "Official channels are closed, they were quite clear about that."

He crossed his arms and looked down at her, "Closed, and we're supposed to accept that? So where do you think the best view will be when the reapers roll through? If we have to sit it out, we may as well get a good seat."

Jane smiled at his sarcasm and stretched her legs out as she rested her head against the locker, "We're out of the game for now. I need you to be there while I figure things out."

He smiled at her saying him specifically, "You know you can count on me, or any of the crew, Commander." Kaidan watched her tuck a strand of hair behind her ear that had fallen loose. "I know this is terrible timing, but I was hoping that maybe we could talk."

"Well, I guess now is as good a time as any," she pulled her legs up closer to herself and rested her elbows on her knees. "Where would you like to start?"

"If it isn't too much to ask, Virmire," he sat down next to her and waited for her to nod. "Why did you choose me? I was ready to die down there. I had set the bomb and we could have defended it long enough for you to extract Williams and Kirrahe. You know I could have done it, for them, the mission… for you."

Jane became lost in her thoughts as he mentioned those they had lost and didn't even hear his final words. "Kaidan…" she whispered, "I still question what the right thing to do was, but, honestly, we have no way of knowing what would have happened if we didn't protect that bomb. I couldn't risk the geth deactivating it. But, you have no idea the guilt I feel about letting them die for us to live," she hung her head at the feeling of a crushing weight on her soul. "I feel like a failure for not getting us all out of there."

Kaidan saw the pain in her features and moved a little closer, placing a hand on her shoulder. "No one blames you for what happened. And I know that you will find a way to get us all through this… alive. You are the best damned being in this stupid galaxy. You can do anything."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence."

He stood up and offered his hand to her. She sighed and placed her hand in his. He closed his fingers over hers and once she was halfway up, he said, "So, I guess we have some down time to… figure out what we are," just before she gained her footing, he pulled her closer and she bumped against his chest.

Her eyebrows drew closer together in confusion and when she turned her face up to look at him, she witnessed him closing the distance. There was a tiny part of her that wondered if she gave in, could she forget her pain, at least for the moment? No, only one person can do that, she thought and pushed against Kaidan to try and separate them.

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson."

Kaidan instantly released her and Jane let out a sigh of relief, "What is it, Joker?"

"The captain said to meet him at Flux."

"Well, I guess you better go, then," Kaidan said wistfully.

Jane rubbed her brow and turned from him, her mind too muddled to confront what Kaidan had tried to make happen.

Garrus backed away just as he heard Joker come over the intercom. After all this time, had she developed feelings for Alenko? Was she just looking for someone to ease tension with? He had heard that humans and turians were more similar than one would think, but, would she really look for companionship in Kaidan? Like she was going to choose you... Wishful thinking, Vakarian. It is a good thing I saw them together. Maybe now I can stop thinking about her in that way. We are just friends, it is better this way.

For those of you who haven't seen The Italian Job (the remake), there character "The Napster" or "Lyle" is played by Seth Green, who also does the voice for Joker.