Chapter 14

Anderson waited for Jane to sit down at the table. He looked behind her to see her team standing on either side of her, her brother John to her right, the krogan, Wrex, and the quarian, Tali. "I'm glad you came, Shepard. I heard what happened."

"Pulled me off the mission, just like when they forced you to give up the Normandy."

"I know, I'm sorry. I wanted to warn you, but there was no way to get a message to you before you docked. I know you're pissed off right now, but you can't give up. They all think this is over, but we both know it's not. You have to go to Ilos, you have to stop Saren from using the Conduit!"

Jane shook her head, "There's only one ship that can get me into the Terminus systems undetected, and she's grounded."

"Citadel's controls locked out all the Normandy's systems, but if we override the ambassador's orders, we can get them to bring the Normandy back online. You can be in the Terminus systems before anyone knows you're gone."

"If we steal the Normandy, you're the one left holding the bag."

"And if Saren finds the Conduit, life as we know it is over. The reapers will destroy us, humans, asari, everybody! You're the only one who can stop him Shepard. So, I'll do whatever it takes to get you on the Normandy and off this station."

"I won't forget this Captain, I promise."

Jane and Joker watched the console, their eyes fixed on the flashing red light, signaling the lock on their systems. Any moment now, it should change to unlock, Joker peeked up at Jane, her gaze held firm on the light. He looked back down as the seconds ticked by. He hadn't realized he had been holding his breath until he saw the light switch to green. Joker sat up and began typing away on the console as Jane clapped the back of his chair in victory.

"Let's go. Get us out of here, Joker. Now," Jane looked out the window and watched their departure from the dock. She allowed herself a small grin as she saw the Citadel fade into the distance. "How long before we hit the Mu relay?"

"If I really push her, about six hours, Commander."

"Try to get some rest soon, Joker. I need everyone on their game."

"Especially you, Jane," Joker turned to look at her. "I know you can do it. We all know you can," he smiled at her and put his hand out to her.

Jane placed her hand lightly in his, careful not to put too much pressure on his hand, "Thanks, Jeff." He rolled his eyes at her use of his first name. "You're my best friend. I know I can always count on you to stand by me."

"Yeah, you're my best friend, too. And let's be honest, probably the only female that can put up with me for any extended period of time. Too bad I let myself get hardcore friend-zoned," he chuckled. It was Jane's turn to roll her eyes at him. "But… you would probably break me too often. We both know that you need someone to be rough on you… like a turian?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Ugh, Joker! Come on! Don't be ridiculous!" Jane laughed awkwardly and began to walk away, "I'll be trying to take a nap, I guess."

"Not ridiculous! Just realistic! The sooner you admit it the happier you will be!" He laughed as he watched her duck her head and turn the corner.

Jane sighed at Joker's teasing. Leave it to Joker to notice it and try to let everyone else know. Maybe if I ignore it, he might give up. Might… She walked down the stairs and the few crew members she passed saluted her with a smile which she gratefully returned. She loved her crew, all of them, and couldn't imagine anything going wrong as long as she had them with her.

Entering her room, she changed out of her uniform, determined to get some sleep. She still felt pretty high-strung, but she needed rest, desperately; maybe if she stayed still long enough, her mind and body would give in. Stretching out on her bed, she typed up a message to everyone, asking them to try to get some rest before they hit the Mu relay.

She said that we should all be getting rest, I shouldn't go in there, Kaidan thought as he sat at the mess table. I have to tell her though… I don't know how much time we have left. I need to tell her how I feel. He ran his hand through his hair, debating what he should do. He knew that Shepard didn't think of him in the same way that he did of her, but maybe, in time, that could change. He thought back on that night so long ago, when things had been a little simpler, and Alliance regulations hadn't gotten in the way.

The room had been crowded, way too many bodies than he was normally comfortable with, the lighting had been dim, neon red and blue lights casting a faint glow on the crowd. Many of his friends had already gotten their new ship assignments but his had been shrouded in secrecy, he didn't even know the name of the ship he would be serving on; but despite the uncertainty, they all decided to go out and celebrate.

"What do you expect?" Jones yelled over the booming music, "Alenko is too chicken to try for any of the women in here."

"Aww, leave him alone," Clark (Kaidan couldn't even remember what she looked like) said, "He is just too consumed with finding the one," she giggled.

Kaidan rolled his eyes at the group; they loved to tease him.

"Alright, Alenko. We have seen you checking that woman out, so strap on a pair and dance with her! I believe in you!" Stone laughed.

The truth was that he had been considering that very thing since he saw her. She was beautiful, strong and confident and seemed to be a very good-hearted person; even from this distance, he loved watching her laugh. But she had been with that other guy all night, the one wearing a generic, navy blue cap. He isn't Alliance is he? I know I haven't seen him around here before. Could he be a new transfer? They looked like they knew each other pretty well. Is she Alliance too? Are they just friends? Or is he her boyfriend? He saw crutches sitting next to the man, if they were a couple, he didn't want to make a move on a cripple's girl. Then again, he hadn't seen them touch or share an intimate moment between them the entire time since he had noticed her.

Kaidan hadn't been listening to what his friends were saying. He didn't pay attention until he noticed the blond get up and make her way to the dance floor.

"Well, since none of you schmucks are doing anything… I am going over there," Jones said after knocking back another shot.

"What about that guy she is with?" Stone said skeptically.

"Does it look like I give a shit about him?" Jones smirked.

Looking between his friends, Kaidan jumped up and pushed through the crowd before Jones could stop him. He heard a few hoots and hollers behind him but ignored them as he made his way over to the woman. She was swaying awkwardly through the crowd and stealing glances back at the bar, back at her friend.

Slipping past the last group, he maneuvered to stand in front of her. She hadn't noticed him yet, but when she did turn, she jumped back a bit and looked up at him with a small smile on her face.

"Hi, I'm Kaidan," he said offering his hand to her.

She glanced at her friend then back to Kaidan, accepting his handshake, "Jane. Nice to meet you."

"Is that your boyfriend?"

"Nah, just a friend."

"Then, may I join you?"

She looked him up and down and nodded, "Sure."

Kaidan came back to reality and looked down at the table, rubbing his eyes. Maybe I shouldn't say anything. She is my commanding officer. He sighed, looking up at her door again, his mind wandering again…

"Damn, it is way too hot in here," Jane said fanning herself with her hand.

Kaidan looked down at her as she swept her hair over her shoulders, her skin glistening in the dim light. "Would you like another drink? Anything you want," Kaidan smiled and helped her onto a stool at the bar. His hand lingered at her waist, keeping her steady.

Jane leaned on the bar to flag down the bartender. The man saw her hand and quickly finished the drink he was working on and came down to her, "What can I get you, sweetheart?" he smiled at her and leaned closer.

"Can I get another whiskey, please?" she said sweetly then looked over at Kaidan, "Make that two. Oh, and a water," she fanned herself with her hand again.

"Coming right up," he winked at her.

Kaidan narrowed his eyes at the man. He had barely been with this woman and he was already feeling protective of her. The bartender gave her the water first but by the time he turned around with their alcohol, Kaidan had moved closer to her, his hand sliding to the other side of her waist. He dipped his head to the bartender as the man set their drinks down. "What made you come out tonight?"

Jane raised the glass to her lips, "My friend, who so thoughtfully left me here, wanted me to loosen up. I don't always get that chance. What about you?" she took a sip and put the drink back down.

"A celebration of sorts. But mostly, my friends dragged me out here, too."

"Why aren't you still over there celebrating with them?"

"I prefer this company," their eyes locked on each other and Kaidan decided to take a chance. He leaned forward, brushing his fingertips across her temple to push her hair back and closed the distance between their lips. He was hesitant at first but quickly regained his courage and pulled her a little closer. Realization hit him, he never wanted to release her, never wanted the night be over with. He barely knew her but everything about her captivated him and he now regretted being shipped out so soon; he may never see her again.

The rest of the night was a blur: intimate dancing, short conversations about nothing, and the blissful moments of getting lost in her touch. Kaidan no longer knew what time it was, he just knew that it was late, and he was pretty sure it was closer to the sun rising than when it had set. He wanted to know more about her, but she was being so damn cryptic. Glancing back at his friends, he saw Anthony give him a thumbs-up and a small wave; he had a girl on his arm who he was escorting to the exit.

Kaidan leaned closer to Jane as he felt her hand on his back, her fingers playing with the loose fabric of his shirt. He ran his fingers through her hair, damn, did he love it. Most of the women he saw now had short hair, more manageable in the Alliance, but her long yellow hair was amazing. She placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Her lips parted slightly and he gladly matched her. Her kisses were intoxicating and he quickly became lost himself to her touch again.

His arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her body against his as his free hand traced up and down her side. Her nails pressed into his back, making him want more of her. He ran his fingertips up her spine and around her ribs to tease the side of her breast. She arched her back, pressing herself against him as his hand continued to travel along her body, eventually stopping to grab a hold of her hip.

Regaining his mind for a few short moments, he pressed his forehead against hers. There was a split second in their embrace where he thought he may have felt his biotics reach out to her, But that would mean she is a biotic… No, I am just imagining things. There was one thing he was sure of though, he didn't want this to be secluded to just one night. Twisting a strand of her hair around his finger, he kissed along her jaw up to her ear to whisper, "Why don't you share something personal with me?" Kaidan felt her tense as he kissed down her neck; pausing, he pulled away to look at her.

She had kept her eyes averted from his but soon looked up, captivating him once again, "I don't know if that would be for the best."

"Well, if you give me a chance, you can get to know me better, too," he ran his opposite hand down her side.

"I think we should just keep things simple, Kaidan."

"Let me have your number. I want to see you again."

She seemed to pull away from him slightly, "I can't, Kaidan. I'm sorry… I should go." Pushing him away, she took a few steps towards the door and looked back at him, "It was nice meeting you, Kaidan. Maybe, if it is meant to be, we'll see each other again."

And they did. Why did she constantly push him away? Kaidan drummed his fingers on the table, his eyes fixed on her door. Screw this… she is going to listen to me. He jumped up from the table and went over to her door, thankful that it was unlocked.

As he entered her room, he found her sitting cross-legged on her bed with a datapad in her hand. She looked up as the doors shut, "Kaidan, something you need?"

"Shepard, I know you said we should all be resting, but I have to talk to you," he closed the distance between them but hesitated as he stood at the edge of the bed.

Her eyebrows creased together in concern. Setting the datapad down, she put her legs over the bed and moved to stand but Kaidan kneeled in front of her. "Is something wrong?" She studied him, his face was determined in whatever he was thinking.

"Yes." Kaidan placed a hand on the back of her neck and the other on her leg as he brought his lips to hers. He felt that familiar spark as he tasted her lips, damn, had he missed this. He felt her hands on his chest and he followed her as she leaned back. Finally! She is finally accepting me. Everything she had done to push him away, he would forgive her since she was willing to give him a chance.

A sharp blow to the left side of his face sent him to the floor.

"What the fuck, Kaidan!" Jane stood up, her body shaking with anger. "You son of a bitch! What gives you any right to do that?!"

Raising a hand to hold his jaw, he looked up at her in shock, "What?"

"You heard me! Where do you get off thinking that would be okay?"

"But, Jane, I thought-"

"You will not address me by my first name."

Kaidan stood up and dropped his hand from his face. "What about that night? What about our connection? I know you feel it too!"

"You are holding onto something that doesn't exist. That 'night' was only meant to be a one night stand, at best, but I knew that wasn't what you were looking for so I backed out. I didn't want to hurt you. I never thought I would see you again."

"What about what you said?" Kaidan grabbed her hands, "You said that if we were meant to be, then we would see each other again!"

"Again, I was trying to be nice to you, let you down easy." Jane pulled her hands out of his, "In a different life, we might have worked… but not this one. You will make someone very happy one day, Kaidan, but I am not that person. You are sweet. Too sweet for me."

He shook his head, not wanting to believe it, "But whenever I am around you, I feel something. I feel like we were made for each other, that I am the one you are supposed to be with. Something put us together again, why can't you see that?"

"Because I know that you aren't the one for me."

He stood motionless before her as the words prodded at his mind. "It's Garrus… isn't it?"

"What?"

"You think Garrus is the one you should be with," he stared at her but she didn't respond. "How can you think he is meant for you? He is a turian! You are a human! Nothing can work between the two of you. Hell, not just comparing the outside of our species, but the basic biology demands that it shouldn't happen!"

"You are out of line, Lieutenant."

"With all due respect, why? Because I am trying to make you see sense? I don't know how I have been so blind before, but it is so clear! The way you look at him, and he at you! And that gun you gave him… did you think no one would notice? Don't deny it, you are the only one who could have gotten it for him."

Jane's face settled into a hard mask, "I wasn't going to." He is upset, who knows how long he was hoping for something to change. I should have made it clear from the beginning. Then again, who is to say it would even make a difference.

"I love you, Shepard! I can give you a life, a family, everything you ever wanted. He can't do that for you!"

"You don't know me, Alenko, or what I want. You have already made up your mind for how I am, and it is incorrect. If you would have taken the time to listen, to be my friend, you might know a little more about me."

Kaidan looked away from her and stepped back, "I know what you deserve, but you won't even give it a chance. Maybe when all this is over… when you aren't so distracted… you will come to your senses."

"You are staying on the ship when we hit Ilos," Jane said calmly. When he reached the door, he turned to look at her, "I need to be able to trust your judgment and know that you trust your squad mates. I don't think you fit either of those." Jane watched him stand still then he slowly nodded once and left.

John stretched out on his bunk, staring up at the bottom of the bed above him. They were going to be hitting Ilos soon, and he wasn't sure he was ready. So much had changed since he joined Jane, but he didn't regret a thing. He finally got to serve with her. It was bittersweet in a way, he knew that she didn't really need him, but he finally felt like he was doing something important and it was on his own terms. He knew that he could never match her, but he was okay with that. He was still able to fight alongside his best friend and he had found someone that made him want to be a better person.

"Hey," the filtered voice came from the doorway.

John sat up quickly, too quickly, and hit his head on the bunk above him. Clapping his hands on the top of his head, he rubbed back and forth, giving an embarrassed smile to Tali as she giggled at him. "Hey," he groaned.

"If you really don't want to be on the ground team, I am sure you could just tell Shepard rather than hurting yourself," she said leaning in the doorway.

"Heh. Well, you know me, I like to do things the hard way. Work hard, not smart." He was about to invite her over but before he could, she was already sitting beside him.

"I hope you'll be careful down there."

John tried desperately to see through her mask, to see the emotion that was seeping into her voice. "It is going to be a bit hard… you know, rogue Spectre, hundreds of geth, giant sentient ship out to kill all life…" he watched her bow her head. Placing a finger under her chin, he raised her head so he could look into her faintly glowing eyes, "Terrible joke, I'm sorry. Don't worry, we won't do anything stupid."

"I know… I just…" her voice trailed off. "I just want you – I mean all of you!" she tried to correct herself, "To come back safely. Things wouldn't be the same around here."

"Don't worry, Joker is more than capable of annoying everyone here," he waited for Tali to laugh before joining her. He ran his hand lightly over her hood giving her a small smile. "Tali? Can I say something without you getting upset with me?" John watched her in silence, anxiously awaiting her answer.

She sighed but the sound only came out as static, "No."

"What?"

"If you have something that important to tell me, it can wait until you get back." She smiled at him but it felt empty… he couldn't see it.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company until the sound of her omni-tool broke the quiet. She pulled up the message and felt John lean closer to look at it, Change of plans. You'll be on the team for Ilos along with John and Garrus. – Shepard. "That's weird, I wonder what changed her mind on Kaidan," Tali looked over at John who only shrugged.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly trying to calm herself. She was already having a hard time keeping herself under control for such an important mission, and then Kaidan had to come in and act out of his mind. She looked down at her hands and saw them shaking, fighting to contain her biotics.

She wanted to break something.

She needed to calm down.

"Argh!" Jane huffed out. She stripped out of her uniform and threw the garments on the bed, too upset to care about wrinkling them. Yanking open a drawer, she grabbed her clothes, dressed faster than she thought was possible and rushed out of her room.

Thankfully, Kaidan was nowhere in sight and she rushed down to the gym. She didn't bother to take in her surroundings as the doors opened. Her right hand reached over to the wall and grabbed the gloves that she kept there and quickly put them on. Just as she closed the strap on her left glove, she threw her fist into the punching bag, then her right, the sound of the bag groaning as it threatened to unhinge from the abuse. She continued the assault trying to take her rage out on the inanimate object, but it wasn't calming her down.

"Something bothering you, Jane?" the flanging voice said coolly from the side.

She spun to the sound, her mouth agape with shock, anger and slight embarrassment. "Garrus."

"What's wrong?"

"I would rather not talk about it," she mumbled and threw her fist into the punching bag again. Regaining some of her composure, she met his eyes, "So, what are you doing down here? I thought everyone would be getting rest."

"Then shouldn't that include you?" Garrus walked towards her slowly and rested a hand on top of the bag.

"Yes, but… I couldn't exactly get rid of my stress," she looked away from him.

He nodded and ran a gloved talon across the seams of the bag, thinking. "Turians can get very stressed and it can seriously affect our health. I don't know if it is the same for humans, but I imagine it can't be good for you." He waited for a response, but she didn't say anything. "I don't know what works best for you, but for turians, and for me, sparring always helps. So, I am calling on your 'rain check' from before."

Jane studied him, "Sparring would be helpful." She watched him walk calmly to the open space and stretch out his arms before turning back to her.

"Ready when you are, Shepard."

Looking down at her hands, she saw, and felt, her biotics were clearly under control. "Alright, let's do this," she said rolling her neck getting a few audible cracks, and then cracked her knuckles for good measure. With each sound, Garrus tensed. "What was that for?"

"It doesn't seem like the human body should be making that sound."

"Do turians not have the same thing?"

"The sound would come from our plates… not our bones. It doesn't hurt?"

"Nope," she grinned.

He watched her settle into her stance from when she fought John. Garrus crouched low with his hands spread slightly but ready to grab, "Nice defensive stance, but don't think you can fool me like your brother."

Jane had to bite back her smile, his stance kind of reminded her of a velociraptor.

They circled each other, studying the other's movement. Jane switched her feet and readied her attack. The movement wasn't lost on Garrus and as soon as she lunged forward, he dodged and grabbed her wrist. Normally, Jane could easily break a grab, a human's grab, but a turian's fingers were longer and gave Garrus a better hold on her small wrist. Reaching out with her other hand, she deflected his attacks while she sent a few of her own with her leg.

Garrus swatted her leg away and made a grab for it when it returned. She drastically changed direction almost throwing herself off balance in the process. Jane threw a punch into his side but only contacted plates, barely fazing him. She knew that she had to get out of his grip, he was pulling her arm across her body and he had a longer reach than she did. He pulled on her captured arm at the same time she moved to kick, causing her to turn and expose her back to him. In her moment of disorientation, he crossed her arm over her body, switching her wrist to his other hand and capturing the other to cross over her body as well.

He pulled her back to his chest and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Fighting a turian is a little different, Commander. You will have to do better than that." She leaned back against him and jerked forward but he stood firm, "Really, Shepard? Turians are built more solidly than humans, you can't flip me over your back."

Jane smirked at his confidence. She made the movement again and heard him chuckle. The third time, instead of pulling her arms with her body, she let them loosen, giving her enough space to twist herself so she was facing Garrus. There was only a half second to take it in before she slid under him between his legs but the look of surprise on his face was priceless. Before he could turn and face her, she kicked out his legs so he fell into a kneeling position.

She could barely get him in a grip, but she twisted one of his arms behind him, stood to his captured side and held tightly to carapace. "Don't underestimate my flexibility," she whispered behind him.

Reaching around with his free arm, he grabbed her leg and jerked her to the side, causing her to lose her grip and fall to the mat with a loud thud. Turning on his knee, he pinned her and smirked down at her, "Don't underestimate my reach."

Jane nodded, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

Garrus stared down at her, his visor telling him that her heart rate was still increasing despite the lack of movement. Her breathing was quick and her eyes roamed his face but constantly returned to stare back into his.

They couldn't be sure how much time passed, just that it wasn't enough.

"Jane…" Garrus pulled his forearm to rest inches from her side and used it as his support, "Jane, I need to…"

She waited for him to continue and found herself leaning up in anticipation, "Yes, Garrus?"

"Jane, I – "

"Bridge to Commander Shepard. We're five minutes out from the Mu relay," Joker's voice sounded overhead.

Jane jumped in her skin just as Garrus pushed himself up and away from her. Getting to his feet first, he put his hand out to her. She accepted it but once she was on her feet, he dropped her hand and backed away.

"Shepard?" Joker called again, "Did you read?"

"I read you, Joker. Thank you," Jane replied, her eyes never leaving Garrus. Certain that Joker had disconnected, she asked, "What did you want to say, Garrus?"

He shook his head, "Uh, nothing. Was going to offer going another round, but I guess we don't have the time. I'll, uh… meet you in the air lock."

"Okay…"