Hello! Hello! Hello! Another chapter is here! I thought about being truly evil and cutting this chapter right around 5k words (which would be where the third break is) but I decided against it... you will understand why it would have been evil if I did decide to cut it there. I feel like there was more that I wanted to say here but oh well, let's just get one with the chapter! Thank you to everyone reading/following/favoriting and reviewing!
Chapter 30
Rolling over, Garrus grumbled at the bright lights shining in his eyes. Couldn't he just sleep for a few more minutes? As much as he tried, he couldn't sleep and finally gave in to opening his eyes. The sight made him freeze. Jane was lying across from him with her arm tucked under her head and her long golden fringe sprawled out behind her. This can't be real, he thought to himself. Raising his hand in front of his face, he turned it over; everything seemed real. He reached out and touched Jane's cheek with his bare talons. She groaned and batted his hand away. At her touch, Garrus jumped back and almost fell out of the bed. She felt real… really real.
Jane opened her eyes and smiled at him. She then rubbed her eyes and threw her face back into the pillow, "Why did you wake me?" she grumbled at him, but there was a sweetness in her voice.
"What's going on?" Garrus couldn't think of what else to say. This wasn't possible. He struggled to remember where he had last been but he couldn't think; he just knew that this wasn't it.
Propping herself up on her forearms, she smiled at him, "Well, we were sleeping in. If you remember, we don't often get that chance."
Garrus looked around. For some reason, it felt like he should know where they were but it wasn't coming to him. The blankets were draped around their waists and Jane was wearing a very tight-fitting tank top while he was shirtless. He could see her tattoos peeking out from under her shirt. Everything seemed right. "This can't be real."
Jane laughed and rolled her eyes.
The same way he always remembered.
"Don't start that now!" Jane shook her head at him. At his blank expression, she moved a little closer and held herself up with one arm while she draped the other across him and she leaned over him, looking into his eyes, "Don't play dumb… the whole 'I'm the luckiest turian in the galaxy' or 'why would you choose me when you could have your choice of any male you wanted'."
He stared back at her and raised his hand to run it along her cheek and into her hair to feel its silky texture; again, it was just as he remembered. "I just… I mean, how is this possible? I am having a hard time remembering how I – we – got here."
"Oh…" she smirked, "allow me to remind you." She gently pushed Garrus until he was laying on his back and she straddled her legs around his waist. Leaning down, she started at his jaw and kissed down his mandible until she reached his mouth plates and slid her tongue in to meet his.
Memories began to come back to Garrus from long ago, before they parted ways. He had always wanted more from that night and sometimes hated himself for stopping her, despite knowing that it had been the right thing. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he held her tightly and ran his opposite hand through her fringe. Why should he care if this wasn't real? It certainly felt real, was it good enough for him?
Why can't this be real? Garrus thought.
Jane broke their kiss and pressed her cheek against his mandible and whispered, "It can be if you want it."
He turned his head to look at her. How could she be answering his thought? He pushed her back slightly but before he could question it further he felt a shock through his body, "GAH!" he screamed and everything went to black.
"Why isn't he waking up?" Jane choked out as they neared the Normandy.
"Don't worry," John held his sister as they watched Chakwas and Miranda work on Garrus.
"Alright, we have him back but I am not sure for how long," Chakwas said putting away the shock paddles as they readied for offloading.
Jacob stood in the corner watching the events unfold, "Couldn't you just shock him again?" he asked more to himself than anyone.
Chakwas continued to prep, "Lawson, I will need you to assist me in surgery. It looks like we will need to install some cybernetics at the very least. And to answer your question, Mr. Taylor, turians are not built the same way as humans. Too many shocks, too close together, it could send him into a coma or have the exact opposite effect we want."
"Docking now," Joker announced.
"Alright, let's get ready to move," Chakwas said. She looked at Jane and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Don't worry, we'll take care of him, and you need to take care of yourself, Shepard. I'll look at you afterwards. So that means, John, you need to keep her in line for now. Make sure that she doesn't do anything strenuous and keep an eye on her wounds."
"Chakwas, can't I be around?" Jane asked.
The shuttle door began to open and Chakwas held Jane's gaze until it was ready for them to move, "We will need the med-bay clear. I'll call you in when he is stable."
Shepard nodded and watched as they left with Garrus. She knew that if anything could be done for him, Chakwas would be able to do it. Jane thought about refusing to move and waiting in the shuttle, but that wouldn't change anything, "John, can you help me to my room?"
John nodded and took his sister's arm around his neck. It was a slow process, but neither of them were in a rush. The trip was filled with silence, neither knowing what to say or feeling the need. Once they were in Jane's cabin, John let go of her arm and she began to unclasp pieces of her armor.
"So, this is it, huh?" John asked looking around. "Pretty nice. You going to personalize it?"
"I guess I should," she couldn't reach some of the clasps on her left side and John came forward and assisted her. "Thanks. John, I am going to need one more favor?"
"Uh oh," he smiled, "What could this be?"
"I need you to help clean my wounds. I don't want to bother Chakwas with it. And, depending how long they take in there, I am afraid they might start to close."
"Close? How could they close that soon?"
Jane hung her head, "They did something to me, John. I'm not the same. I have some stuff up here for situations just like this."
"Damn, first mission out and you are already stashing medical supplies." He watched her as she grabbed a change of clothes and went into her bathroom. A thousand thoughts went through his mind; he had to get answers from her. "Want to talk about what happened back there?" he called out, "About your biotics, I mean. I don't remember you ever being able to do something that big." He looked around her room and peeked into a few boxes and cabinets. Finding the energy bars, he grabbed two and waited for Jane.
Silence filled the space after his question. Finally, Jane answered, calling through the door, "I don't know what's going on with me. Honestly, it scares me. Miranda says that she didn't change me. She says that she only put in the correct implant."
"Who knew it would make that big of a difference."
The door to the bathroom opened and Jane stepped out giving John a strange look, "You believe her?"
"Um… yeah, I guess I do." John sat down as Jane placed herself on her desk. She rolled up her tank top and he saw the three shots in her, one in her bicep and two in her side. He handed her the energy bars. When she lowered them to her lap he pointed at them again, "Eat."
She weakly grinned and took a few bites of one bar. Jane sat in silence as he began to work until she couldn't hold it in anymore, "What happened between you and Tali?"
John didn't look up, "Things happened. I don't know if I can forgive her."
"What! No, you don't give me that shit. What the hell happened?" He still didn't look at her and she slammed her hand on the table. "God dammit, John! What happened?"
"She left!" he snapped at her and threw the last bullet he had pulled out on the ground. He waved his hand, "I'm sorry…" he shook his head a bit and began to patch her up. "I don't even know where to start… You were gone. The Council and the Alliance started to classify and hide everything that you did. Garrus changed and then just left without a word. I ran into him as he was leaving, otherwise he wouldn't have said anything to me. Then, I went back to where I was staying and Tali had her bags packed." He looked up at Jane and saw that her face had fallen, "She left, Jane. She barely spoke to me and just said that she was going back to the Flotilla to finish her Pilgrimage. She had been the last one around. Then everyone was gone."
Jane put a hand on John's shoulder, "I'm so sorry." She studied her brother and decided to tell him, "I saw her. Tali, I mean." John didn't look up. "Right after I woke up, we went to a Freedom's Progress. One of the missing colonies. She seemed… different. I guess I should have known something bad happened, it was like she didn't want to be around me. I tried getting her to come with us, but she turned me down."
He tried to give a shrug, hoping to convince her (and himself) that it didn't really matter, "Thanks for telling me, but it's done now. Nothing but history."
"What happened next?"
"I started drinking. Couldn't convince myself to work at C-Sec anymore. Things weren't looking very good for me. Then, Miranda came by and recruited me for Cerberus. Things were a little better after that, but I did have my doubts until they finally let me see you. Then they had me scouting people for you and now we are here." He finished the last bandage and looked up at Jane. "Hopefully, Chakwas can fix any damage that I did," he smirked.
"I don't think you have to worry about that. You did a good job."
"Thanks…" he paused, "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything. For not helping you on the Normandy. Letting you die. Not keeping the team together. Losing it myself… There is a clear reason why you are in the military and I am not. I couldn't handle it."
"Don't say that, John…" she leaned down and hugged him, "I don't blame you for anything."
"You may not, but I do," he leaned back in the chair and shook his head. "It has been an interesting two years… I'm just glad that you are back. Maybe we can just forget all about it."
"Well," Jane lowered herself from the desk, unrolled her shirt and moved to the stairs, "before we forget about it, can we talk for a second about it?"
John nodded and followed her down to the couch. He helped Jane stretch out as he sat on the end. "So, what do you want to know?"
"How's mom?"
"I'm not really sure…" he saw Jane's concerned look. "She didn't really speak to me much after the memorial. I sent her a few messages, but I had to keep things vague. I don't want to tie her to Cerberus in any way. We both know that she wouldn't be very approving. Even if she did know that it was to bring you back."
"Don't say that, John. She still loves you."
"Eh, probably a little true. But, I get most of my updates through announcements I can find about her. Actually, most recently she turned down a promotion to Admiral. She wanted to serve as Captain of the SSV Orizaba in honor of your memory."
Jane closed her eyes and looked away from her brother. She hated that her family's relationship seemed even worse now and she was surprised that her mother would turn down such a position just because of her death. "I don't think I want to hear anymore…"
John nodded and let the next hour pass in silence. Jane never said a word and switched between staring at the back of the couch or the ceiling. "When was the last time you slept?" he asked. He could see the circles under her eyes but it was like she was refusing to give in.
"I've slept enough."
"I know that's a lie."
"I'm aware."
"Jane, I need to ask you something, and I know this is probably the worst time to ask it, but I don't know if I'll be around long enough to ask again."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean you won't be around long enough to ask?" Jane said sitting up a little too quickly. She winced and lowered herself back down.
"It's nothing serious, just let me finish," he raised an eyebrow and she slowly nodded. "I know that this will be hard to answer, given what is currently going on, but… what happened between you and Garrus? Did something happen? Between the way he reacted when you died and your reaction with what just happened… it makes me question if either of you have been honest with me."
Jane thought back to what had happened only hours before and tried to keep her emotions under control. "Wait, how did Garrus react?"
John pressed his lips in a line, "He snapped. Destroyed a lot of things in his apartment. It really makes me wonder if there was something more between you two."
"Look, John, I know what it must seem like…" she lowered her head, "but Garrus and I never had anything," No matter how much I wanted it. "Now, I can't speak for Garrus and how he reacted, but I know for me what just happened…" she bit her lip to hold back the tears again. "I know for me it is because I finally found you and him. I had my boys back, you, Joker, and Garrus. It was at least a start to getting my old life back." Jane raised her hands to the side of her head, "I try to block out that I missed the last two years. That I was dead. But with so many reminders, it really is impossible." She lowered one hand and ran the other through her hair, but when it stopped short and lowered that one as well; just another reminder that she had been changed. "I think, in my head, it just made sense that if I could get Garrus back on my team then maybe I could find everyone else. We could be together again and maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much knowing that I lost two years of my life."
John sighed and moved closer to Jane to give her a hug. "I'm sorry. I know I couldn't begin to understand how you are feeling." He knew that he should drop it; over and over again they had told him the same thing.
"Okay, John, I need to ask you something."
"Anything."
"What is between you and Miranda?"
Shaking his head, he chuckled, "Ah, going for the personal question too, huh?" Leaning back against the couch he smirked at her, "Hmm, how do I put this? Well, you see – "
"Commander Shepard," EDI flickered to life, "Pardon the interruption but Dr. Chakwas said that your attendance is needed in the med-bay."
Jane got up as quickly as she could, ignoring her pain and her previous conversation. John smirked at his sister and followed her out of the room. He stole glances at her and saw her fidgeting with her hands and biting her lip as they descended in the elevator. There was no doubt in his mind that she was really his sister in every sense. He followed her out of the elevator and into the med-bay, being sure to stick close to her in case she needed help.
"Chakwas," Jane asked, "how is he?"
"Garrus is stable and resting. And, before you ask, I called you here for you. I need to take a look at your wounds. John, has she been resting?"
"Surprisingly, yes," John answered.
"Hmm," Chakwas smiled, "this is new. And I didn't even need to drug you. Then again, even that doesn't work on you." She scrolled through her datapad and looked back up to see Jane watching Garrus who was on the bed in the far side of the room. "Please, Shepard, right here."
Jane tore her eyes away from Garrus and forced a smile at the doctor. She moved over to the bed and accepted John's help up. He held his sister's hand and gave it a light squeeze as they looked over at their turian friend.
The doctor looked between her patients and stepped between them, breaking their line of sight. "John, if you could step out please." When he didn't move, she raised an eyebrow, "Now."
"I'll be outside if you need me," he nodded to them both and left the room.
"Alright, let's take a look," Karin helped Jane lean forward and take off her tank top. "Did you have John work on these?"
"Yes."
"Looks like he didn't do too bad of a job…" her voice drifted off as she inspected the shots closer.
"What is it?" Jane asked.
"Nothing… your healing time is just… impressive." Chakwas looked down at Jane and saw the emotional pain that she was attempting to hide. "I know this is all different for you. But we all know that you are the same person."
"I'm not always so sure, Karin." Sliding her shirt back on, she tried to look around the other woman, "So, he'll be completely okay?"
Dr. Chakwas nodded, "He'll be back on his feet before you know it. But he did take a severe hit. His face will be sore for a while and his cybernetics need to settle. I suggest no action for a day or so. You on the other hand, I actually can clear you."
Jane narrowed her eyes at the doctor, "Who are you and what have you done with Karin? You never clear me right away."
Chuckling, she answered, "You never had the healing ability you do now. And I do understand that time is of the saw what Garrus was facing, who knows what is going on with the doctor in that quarantine zone."
Jane stood up and walked over to Garrus. She looked over him and saw the many bullet holes in his undersuit and thought about how great of a doctor Karin was; Jane was truly lucky to have her. Garrus did look a little worse for wear, but he was alive. She allowed herself a small smile as she touched his shoulder.
"Did you ever tell him?" Chakwas asked.
"Tell him what?" Jane pulled away.
"That you love him."
Jane looked up at the older woman then quickly looked to the side, "What are you – "
"Don't pull that shit with me, Shepard," she chuckled.
Smiling at the doctor, Jane shook her head, "No. I never did. But, I think I missed my chance." At Karin's quizzical look, she continued, "We are different people now… well, at least he is. I mean, I would still take him no matter what, but even if I did have a chance before, it's been two years. What if I am not what he wants?"
"There is only one way to find out. Just tell him."
"I don't know. I think I would rather live not knowing than go on heartbroken."
The fact that Garrus had whispered Jane's name more than once while he was under allowed Karin to know that wouldn't happen, but short of saying his medical outcome, she couldn't say anything that happened in the operating room. "You have no idea what he will say. And even if he did say no, at least then you could move on."
Jane looked at Chakwas then back down at Garrus. She slipped her fingers in his hand, happy to feel his skin again after a memory that seemed long in the past, "But, I don't want to move on."
It was killing Karin. She just had to tell the commander. No, they have to do it themselves. I can't be playing their fairy godmother… But dammit! They are both so stubborn! Before she could say anything, the blue hologram of EDI came to life.
"Commander Shepard, XO Lawson requires your attendance in the debriefing room. She and John Shepard are already awaiting your arrival."
"Thank you, EDI. Tell them I will be on my way as soon as I change," Jane sighed. She didn't want to leave, but standing over him wouldn't make him heal faster. Giving Garrus's hand a light squeeze she released it and passed Chakwas, "Thank you, for everything. I don't know what I would do without you."
Karin watched her commander leave before looking back over her turian patient. Just as she was about to walk away she heard a heavier breath come out of him. Turning back she paused to see if he did it again, possibly indicating respiratory distress. She saw his mouth move slightly and she leaned closer to hear.
"Ja… Jane…?" he breathed as the fingers on his hand Jane had just held began to move.
Rolling her eyes, Chakwas turned away from him muttering, "You two deserve your own romance novel."
"Shepard, we should get moving as soon as possible," Miranda said. "I know that Garrus was your friend, but we can't wait for him to wake up before heading out. We need Doctor Solus."
"I hate to say it, Jane," John said lowly, "but she is right. We don't know how long it will take for Garrus to wake up and Solus could be facing the same troubles Garrus did."
When Shepard didn't respond, Miranda spoke up again, "Even if he were awake, it wouldn't be safe to take him on a mission. He would be a liability." She saw John and Jacob give her hard looks but she ignored them. "Not only would he be just getting off the operating table but whatever that quarantined infection is, it affects everyone but humans and vorcha. There is no guarantee we would make it out as quickly as we could get in and we can't have anyone's judgement clouded because of a sick squadmate."
She didn't like people telling her what to do, but she knew they couldn't wait and she couldn't put Garrus at risk like that. "I know, I know. Please give me a minute. John, you can stay." Jane waited until she heard the door shut but without moving added, "That means you too, Jacob."
"Commander, I know that you already spoke to Chakwas but I don't know if you understand the gravity of the situation." He paused to see if Shepard would stop him. When she didn't, he continued, "Look, we've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit. You've seen that the doc has corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality but…"
They were interrupted by the hiss of the door opening. Jane turned, ready to fuss at Miranda to leave her alone but stopped short when she saw who walked around the corner.
"Shepard," he said in his two-toned voice.
Jacob rubbed the back of his neck and breathed out a chuckle, "Heh, tough son of a bitch… Didn't think he'd be up yet."
Jane turned to face Garrus, unable to wipe the smile off her face. She felt a huge sigh of relief escape her.
Garrus strode forward, trying to keep his face calm, despite his desire to smirk at their reactions. "Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?"
"Well, son of a bitch!" John exclaimed and walked forward, slapping Garrus on the arm. "Oops, sorry. Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some facepaint on there and no one will even notice."
"Ha!" Garrus chuckled and his mandibles flared and he winced. "Ugh, oh… Don't make me laugh. Dammit! My face is barely holding together as it is. Some women find facial scars attractive… Mind you, most of those women are krogan," his eyes moved over to Jane.
"Oh good, another reason for Wrex to hate you. A turian trying to steal their women," John smiled.
Jacob looked around the room and thought it best to leave this reunion. He saluted Shepard and made his way out as quietly as he could.
Garrus eyed the man as he left. As soon as the door closed, he moved to the end of the table, "Frankly I'm more worried about you. Cerberus, Shepard. You remember those sick experiments they were doing?"
Yeah… and I'm worried that I am one of them, Jane thought. "That's why I'm glad you're here, Garrus. If I'm walking into hell I want someone I trust at my side."
"Look, I know they don't have the best reputation, but they are capable of doing good," John added.
Garrus shook his head, "Somehow, I don't know if I can believe that. And Shepard, you realize this plan has me walking into hell too," he smirked. "Hmm, just like old times."
Jane smiled and looked away, but it almost made her want to jump for joy to hear him say that.
"I'm fit for duty whenever you need me, Shepard. Speaking of which, what is our next mission."
"We need to go retrieve a Dr. Mordin Solus." Jane didn't want to tell him that he wouldn't be part of the team. She wanted him to be there, but it was too great of a risk. "I was hoping it could wait a bit longer, but judging by the situation you were in, we can't wait. We will be leaving in half an hour."
"Alright, let me go –" Garrus started to turn but stopped short.
"You aren't coming with us," Jane interrupted, saying sternly.
Garrus smirked, "Come on, don't let the charred armor fool you. I'm ready for anything."
"Sorry, Garrus, but I can't have you on the team. Not only do you still need to recover, but the infection in the area is too dangerous."
Garrus looked between his two friends, "You are both going in. How is it anymore dangerous for me than it is for you?" He wanted to shout at her that now that she was back, he had to be there to protect her. He had to be her sniper. Her long-range support. Her protector for when she became overzealous.
Jane crossed her arms; she knew that he wouldn't take this well. "John, could you please give us a moment?"
John started to move but Garrus raised his hand at the man, "No, John can stay for this. I need someone on my side." Garrus knew that he wasn't being fair but he couldn't think straight right now. He had to make her see that he was capable of being there for her.
Jane sighed, "The infection doesn't affect humans. That means that I will be taking an all human team."
"An all Cerberus team is what you mean," the turian snapped.
"Oh shit…" John mumbled. "Uh… I am just going to uh… wait in the airlock or something." He quickly made his exit.
"Why can't you just accept that I am trying to protect you?" Jane asked Garrus, ignoring John's exit.
"I never asked for your protection! Why don't you stop treating me like I am inept?"
"I have never treated you that way!" She took a deep breath and struggled to keep her composure. "EDI, please turn off all listening devices until I leave the room."
"Done, Commander."
Garrus looked around the room trying to find the source of the voice, "And what in the name of the Spirits was that?"
"That was EDI, the AI on the ship."
"Wow… working for Cerberus and you have an AI on board. Sounds like there are a lot of changes in play."
"It's not like that, Garrus," Jane said through gritted teeth.
"Why don't you tell me what it is like?" he demanded stepping forward. "The Shepard I know wouldn't be taking Cerberus's help, let alone surrounding herself by people who work for a terrorist organization. If I didn't know any better, I would say that you did change over these last two years." He stepped closer again and towered over her, "Who's to say that you are even the same person!" His mouth dropped open as soon as the words left his mouth and he took a few steps back. What he said was harsh. Way too harsh. He watched her face fall and her eyes tear up. Her face only stayed that way for a split second before her jaw clenched and a fire lit in her eyes; she was furious. "Jane… Spirits… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."
She held her hand up, silencing him, "So this is how you act when I save you fucking life?!" she almost screamed.
"Jane, it just –"
"I swear to God if you say 'it just slipped out' I will sock you so hard it will even out your face."
Garrus swallowed hard, he had made such a huge mistake and he wasn't sure there was a way to make this up. "Jane, please, listen to me?" he pleaded.
"Not right now, God dammit!" She pushed past him then spun on her heel to face him. "I can't deal with you right now. You know what? Maybe you are partially right. One of us has changed a lot in the last two years." She took a few steps back while still facing him. "Only, oh, that's right, it only feels like two weeks for me." The door hissed open as the silence hung between them and she stopped in the doorway. "You can settle in in the main battery. I thought that you might enjoy being around the guns. But please, let me know if I made the wrong assumption. Now, if you will please excuse me, I have a fucking job to do, with Cerberus."
Garrus watched her leave and as he stood in the silent room, he hung his head and planted a hand on his fringe. He let out a heavy sigh, "You are right… You are right about everything."
Jane was busy putting on her armor as quickly and aggressively as she could. She grabbed the last piece and froze. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before collapsing into her chair. She swallowed trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. When she opened her mouth in the hopes to breathe again, two sobs broke through. She coughed hoping to get rid of her betraying breaths. Her vision blurred and she reached up and wiped her eye to reveal tears moistening her glove. "Son of a bitch," she hissed, "But I fucking hate him right now!"
Growling out her anger, she put on the last piece of armor and stormed out of her quarters. She punched the wall as the elevator descended; she hated how slow it was. Once she reached the CIC she continued to march past those around her and heard laughter from the cockpit. She saw Miranda and Jacob standing in the airlock and continued up to where John and Joker were.
John recovered enough in his laughter to start saying, "I really just wanted to –"
"John, we're leaving now," Jane interrupted.
"Okay, but can I just –"
"I said now."
"Now is good." Both men shared an 'oh shit' look and John followed her out.
Garrus looked around the room; Jane was right, he would have chosen this place himself. He had made such a mistake when they had last spoken. They had never had a fight like that before. Maybe he had changed. Maybe he had become bitter and resentful. He didn't deserve her. I never did.
They had been gone on the mission for a while and Garrus knew that the more time that passed, the harder it would be to earn her forgiveness. His subharmonics hummed in regret and guilt and he buried his face in his hands. After their fight, Garrus had gone straight down to the main battery, refusing to speak to anyone new on the ship, and whether it was his demeanor or already developing rumors, they all stood clear of him anyway. He had tried working on the ship's guns, on his own guns, and reprogramming his console but nothing had worked to get his mind off of his problem.
Taking a deep breath, Garrus lowered his hands and scrolled through his omni-tool. Opening his music, he started to play the songs that Jane had sent him.
"I'm through with love, I'll never fall again. Said adieu to love, Don't ever call again. For I must have you or no one, And so I'm through with love. I've locked my heart, I'll keep my feelings there. I've stocked my heart, With icy, frigid air. And I mean to care for no one, Because I'm through with love…."
Garrus cried through his subharmonics and buried his face in his hands again. How could I make such a stupid accusation? She isn't the one who has changed. It's me. I am selfish. "Why would I say that?!" he shouted.
He went back to listening to Jane's songs as the next one began. Garrus whispered along with each word, knowing everything by heart, and eventually started singing the words louder by the time he reached the last verse. "I've got a tight grip on reality, But I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up. Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream. Oh-oh-oh-ohhh. You are the only exception. You are the only exception…"
Closing his eyes, he waited for the next song to begin.
"Pardon the interruption, Garrus Vakarian, but I request a moment of your time if I may ask a few questions."
Garrus practically leapt off his cot, paused the music, and looked around to see a blue orb. "You're the AI," he said with bitterness in his voice.
"That is correct. I am an Enhanced Defense Intelligence. Or EDI for short." When Garrus didn't respond, EDI spoke up again, "I could inform you on my capabilities and functions if you would like."
"No, that's fine."
"It is my understanding that you may have reservations about my placement here on the ship. Many others have shared that sentiment, Mr. Moreau and Commander Shepard especially."
Garrus felt uncomfortable talking to an AI but it was hard ignoring it and not being fascinated at the same time. "Given our history with AIs I'm sure you can understand our hesitation to accept you."
"And it is a perfectly acceptable response. But I assure you that many precautions have been taken to keep the crew safe. I am far from the Reaper threat."
"We'll see…" Garrus mumbled. "So, are you hardwired into this room?"
"I assume that you ask that question in the hopes of removing me. Unfortunately, you are not able to completely remove me but you may disable my surveillance capabilities linked to this room."
He was surprised by her helpfulness, "Why would you tell me that?"
"Commander Shepard has requested that I offer that information to any crew who may request it. You were a particular mention when she and I had that conversation. I can offer you assistance while removing the equipment but Commander Shepard said that you would 'probably prefer the challenge'."
Garrus looked down at his paused music. He knew exactly how she looked in the video, she was just about to start the next song and had a small smile on her lips, her head turned slightly to the side and her eyes cast down, as if she were embarrassed. I don't deserve you. "When did you two have this conversation?"
"I am not at liberty to say," EDI responded immediately. Of course she knew exactly when it was. Specifically, it was only minutes after Shepard and her team had left the Normandy. She had set up a private link but requested that everything kept confidential, except for the few choice phrases Shepard had permitted. "Speaking of Commander Shepard," EDI began and Garrus eyed her suspiciously, "if my sound boards are functioning correctly, which I can see that they are without error, that voice sounds as if it were Commander Shepard."
Garrus thought about not answering, but figured it would be best to indulge the computer, otherwise she might go straight to Jane about the inquiry. "It is. She sent me some of her music a long time ago. Another lifetime. I would rather she not know that I still have it."
EDI weighed her options. She could inform Commander Shepard of Garrus Vakarian's possession of her music since he clearly did not want the commander to know, but it was not pertinent information to their mission that could put them at risk. "I am bound to answer any question Commander Shepard asks unless otherwise blocked by the Illusive Man. However, since this is not life threatening information, I could simply neglect to inform her."
"You can lie to her?"
"I am not giving her misinformation. I am simply prolonging the time until I tell her. I will wait until you clear me to give her that but if she does happen to ask me specifically about it, I will not withhold."
"Wow, um… okay, understandable."
"May I also inquire as to what you would prefer to be called? After witnessing interactions on the Normandy, I have noticed several people tend to go by different names than their titles or even their given names. I continue to go by what I have on record unless specifically stated to me. I have records that you were once part of C-Sec. Would you prefer Officer Vakarian? Or given the most recent events, would you prefer Archangel?"
"Both of those days are long gone. Whatever you feel like I guess." He was expecting a response but realized he wouldn't get one due to his phrasing; 'feel' wasn't exactly in her capabilities. "I'll be disabling the surveillance now."
"Very well. The conversation has been enlightening."
As Garrus set to work, he couldn't stop his mind from thinking. How could I get so upset with Jane? She was doing what she thought was in my best interest. I had just gotten off the operating table and was already trying to charge back into the fight. Was I just looking for more vengeance against the gangs? Can I let the vigilante part of me die? No. Not completely. Not until I find Sidonis.
A new rage settled in him as he thought about his old partner. How could he do that to us? I could even get over it if it was just to kill me… but to turn in his entire team too? Even Melanis? Heartless bastard. Every thought made him more and more upset. Being left alone with himself was becoming too much. His thoughts crowded the room. I have to get out of here.
Grabbing his armor, he threw it on as fast as he could but paused with the chest piece. He ran a talon over the charred and damaged neck piece. It had been too close. Chakwas told him that his heart had stopped and he was touch and go for a good part of the surgery. I am lucky to be alive but I would give it up if I could just guarantee Jane's safety. That was his only excuse for overreacting with her. He had just wanted to protect her and it made him blind to his own needs. He wanted to make her happy, whether it was with him or not. I want things to be like the old days… I want to pick up where we left off, wherever that was. He closed his eyes and thought back to the last plans they had made, Of course! Her shore leave! If I could show her that I am still the same turian, maybe she would forgive me. How do I convince her? He dropped the armor on his bed and took a few steps to help him think. Her gift… it's perfect! Hmm… I didn't have it when I was carted here… I last had it just before Tarak attacked… I dropped it on the desk. Spirits, hopefully it is still there. He grabbed his armor again quickly started connecting the pieces, knowing that he may not have much time when it came to looters.
"Officer Vakarian," EDI announced. "I must insist that you stay on board the ship."
"I thought I disabled you."
"You can disable my surveillance but not my presence. I simply no longer have the ability to record but I can observe in case of emergencies."
"Well, good thing this isn't an emergency."
"Though that may technically be true, it has a high probably of turning into an emergency situation."
"I will be out for only a short time. I will be back before Shepard. She won't even know I was gone."
"I must protest."
"Either way, I am leaving. If you feel the need to distract Shepard with something as trivial as someone leaving the ship, then go ahead." Garrus wasn't sure if reverse psychology would work on an AI but maybe since he threw the mission into his logic, EDI would let it slide. And, with any luck, he would be back before Jane.
The team exited the quarantine area and Jane rubbed the back of her neck. She was tired, too tired. She had taken it easy while they were in the quarantined district since she had used her biotics so much and she still hadn't rested; it helped having a team of four.
Garrus's words still stung in the back of her mind. She was baffled why he would say that to her; it didn't seem like him. But I still love him. Ugh, Garrus what happened to you here? I will always forgive you if you ask. Maybe he was just upset about not getting to go on this mission and he didn't control his emotions. But I can't let his vengeance take hold of him. Then I know I will lose him.
"Miranda," Jane turned to her teammate, "please escort Dr. Solus to the ship. Jacob, John and I will be going into the market district to get supplies."
"Yes, Commander."
"Shepard," Mordin spoke, "appreciate you waiting until work at clinic was finished. Work there is still important to me."
Jane smiled at him, "Of course, Dr. Solus. I'm sure you will be a valuable asset to this team and I understand previous obligations. And though I am sure you could handle yourself, I do have available team to assist you."
"Understandable. Thank you."
Jane moved in a haze through the market district. John and Jacob were behind her joking around; that was one thing she could always count on John to do, make friends and alleviate tension. They had run into several interesting characters including an interesting pair of vorcha, an overbearing elcor and a down on his luck quarian.
"You just gave him one thousand credits," Jacob said a little shocked, though he tried to hide it.
"That's one thing that you will learn about my sister," John said throwing an arm over her shoulders. "Money doesn't really matter to her, especially when it comes to helping the downtrodden. Besides, it's the Illusive Man's money, right?" he laughed.
Jane smiled weakly and opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by their comms.
"Commander Shepard," it was EDI, "I request a moment of your time as long as you are not in crisis."
"Go ahead, EDI."
"Miranda Lawson just arrived with Dr. Mordin Solus. I could only conclude that your mission had been a success even though you had not arrived. I was waiting until you returned before informing you but I feel it must be said."
"Well, what is it?" Jane had never heard a computer go on for so long rationalizing their choice. Perhaps it – she – is learning.
"Officer Vakarian left the ship."
"WHAT?!" Jane shouted, drawing attention from those passing by, "What do you mean he left? Did he say where he was going or why he left?"
"He did not mention his motives or his destination but I was able to track him to a series of access tunnels though there are many avenues he could take."
Jane rubbed her brow as she tried to think what was going through Garrus's mind.
"Jane, do you want me to help you look?" John offered.
"No, I think I know where he is. You two head back to the Normandy. I'll find him."
"We haven't finished our acquisitions," Jacob said.
"Don't worry, I'll finish everything up. Now go back to the ship."
The two men watched her walk away then looked to each other. "Shit is going down…" John shook his head. "She doesn't get angry that often… but Garrus seems to be rubbing her the wrong way more and more. It's not like either of them."
Jane stormed through Omega, the crowds parting in front of her as if they could sense her fury. EDI talked her through the path Garrus had taken until she lost track of him. She entered the access tunnels and pushed past her fatigue and began to run. What he was doing was risky and if he didn't die in the process, she considered finishing the job. As she got closer she heard roars of anger and objects hitting the floor. She pulled her pistol and rounded the corner.
"AAARRGGGGHHH! Where is it!?" he roared.
A datapad smashed against the wall next to Jane as she ducked to avoid it. She moved closer to the sound and saw Garrus destroying the room and the remaining items in it. He looked frantic in addition to his rage as he kicked over more items. "Garrus?" He didn't look at her. "Garrus, what the fuck do you think you're doing? It isn't safe to be here. There could still be pockets of gangs looking for you."
"I don't care! I have to find it!"
She took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. Whatever he was looking for must have been important. "Alright, just tell me what it looks like and I can help you."
"No!" he roared. "They took it!" he dug his talons into a small crate and threw it against the wall. "The fucking looters took it! Why would they take it?!"
Jane stood shell-shocked at the rage in him. She had never seen him react like this and if she were being honest with herself, it scared her. "Garrus, just let me help you."
"You can't help me! No one can help me!"
"Garrus, please, just come back to the Normandy with me. If you are upset about earlier, we can talk about it."
"There is nothing you can do to fix this! Spirits, Shepard! You can't fix everything! Let alone me! Just butt out!"
"No, Garrus!" she shouted and closed the distance between them. She stood inches from him and glared up as he stopped to look down at her. "I have already saved your life once today, I am not keen on doing it again! I have already offered my help and you throw it back in my face. You have no idea what I have had to deal with and I have barely been awake for more than forty-eight hours. All that I want is my team back and you were the first one on my list but now I am starting to wonder if I was thinking too much of the past. I will still keep you around but only if you decide to start following orders. And don't think that you are the only sniper around. If you keep this shit up, I will find another. Is that clear?"
Garrus growled but struggled to keep his anger in check. "Yes, Shepard," he hissed.
"Good. Now get back to the ship and stay there. I still have some shit to take care of that you interrupted with your little field trip."
He thought about arguing with her but thought better of it. Jane was making it clear that she was in no mood to deal with him and he had already encouraged her wrath once today. Instead, he nodded and began to walk away.
Jane shouted after him, "EDI will know if you take any detours so don't take your sweet time getting there. And God help you if I am back and you aren't!" She watched him walk out of sight and she continued to stand there hoping to regain her composure. As her adrenaline and anger began to ebb from her, she sucked in a trembling breath and wavered in her stance. Her exhaustion was catching up to her.
Looking around, Jane sighed at the devastation. Her heart broke for Garrus. He had lost so much in the last two years and she didn't even know a fraction of it. It was obvious that whatever he was dealing with was much deeper than she could imagine. He's lost more than the item he was looking for just now. It must have represented a lot more to him. That is why he is so upset now.
She took a deep breath and began to walk around the ruined building. It was quiet around her; obvious that no one else was there. Everything was strewn about, but she couldn't tell if that was from looters or Garrus. She made her way to the second floor and stopped in the doorway. Slowly, she walked along the wall and planted her back against the metal for support. She stared at the dried blue blood on the floor and then looked back to the hole in the building that she caused. She could already feel the tears building but she didn't try to stop them; this might be the only time she would be completely by herself.
Jane buried her face in her hands and started to sob as she slid down the wall in a heap. She didn't know what exactly she was crying over; everything was just too overwhelming. Taking a moment to catch her breath, she pulled her knees as close to her chest as she could and wrapped her arms around her legs. For a second she thought that she had recovered, but as she looked around again and saw the turian blood on the ground, her sobs racked her body.
None of this was playing out like how she imagined it. Sure, hunting Saren was rough on them, but losing everything and having no hope in sight to get any of it back was worse than death. She didn't even remember being very upset when she knew she was dying; maybe there just wasn't enough time for it all to sink in. Nothing was how she remembered and she knew that the more people she recruited, the stranger everything seemed and would lead her deeper into a life she didn't know and wasn't sure if she wanted. At least before, in the Alliance, she grew up with that life, it was familiar and comforting in a way; this one was all wrong. Everything and everyone had changed around her: her mission, the Normandy, the technology, her brother, her friends, her biotics, her body in general, and, worst of all, Garrus.
Time didn't seem to matter as she sat there crying her heart out. Eventually, her sobs subsided but she remained still, allowing her emotions to settle. She got up and tried not to look at anything that might trigger her. After several deep breaths, she felt ready to head out and tried to mentally lock away everything that could weaken her.
Despite not knowing Omega, she found her way to the markets easily. She browsed the shops and ordered the supplies they needed. She paused when ordering the dextro food, trying to calculate how much she would need with only one dextro on board. Jane knew that they were heading to the Citadel soon and there would be much better quality of food there. As she did her math, a thought sunk in, Can I still eat dextro food? Not knowing bothered her more than she thought it should have. She ordered more dextro food than she needed and continued.
She wandered around and then came to a booth simply called "Omega Market." There was a batarian behind the counter. He tried his best to convince her to buy from there by trying out his 'business and pleasure' inventory; honestly, Shepard wasn't listening. She looked over the items and despite herself, she smiled at the turian cruiser model.
"I'll give you a discount on that. Not many people around here are really interested in that sort of thing."
Jane smiled at the batarian, "Thank you," she said softly.
"I'm Marsh, by the way," he was familiar with the human custom of shaking hands, but had never taken part in it; he awkwardly put out his hand, palm up.
She put her own hand in his and corrected it then shook his hand, "Shepard." Ignoring the change in his demeanor, she continued to look over the items. Just before she was about to give up, a silver box caught her eye. "What's that?"
Marsh brought the item out, shaking his head, "Some kid brought it to me. Trying to sell it as this priceless heirloom. Best I can figure, it's a music box, but I don't even know if it opens or if there is anything inside. I gave him a few credits for it, probably the biggest mistake I've made because I'm sure it will rot here. Nobody on Omega likes this kind of shit, let alone will want to spend the money on it."
Jane brought the hologram up and played some of the keys; the chords they sang sounded familiar to her. Brushing the thought away, she ran her hand along the edges of the box admiring it. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not from Omega then. I'll take it. Along with the mod and the model ship."
Once the transfer was complete, Marsh took a deep breath and said, "The stories about you are wrong."
"Oh?" Jane asked with an amused smile on her face, "And what stories might those be?"
"The ones that say you are invincible. Almost unreal. I would say you are very much human… and I mean that in the best possible way."
Jane smiled at him, "Thank you."
She began to head back to the Normandy with her gun mod and model ship in a bag and the silver box in her hand. There was something intriguing about the unobtrusive box. Whoever had programmed the music had taken care to do so and though Marsh was convinced otherwise, Jane felt that there was something inside. She only hoped to discover what that might be.
Note: I don't really remember how Marsh was but I am sure I am far from what he actually is. However, this works better for my story so I am sticking to it.